I Hate This Town - 11. Chapter 11: Call

It had been a long time since he had the dreams. Years actually. When was the last time he'd thought of home, or the last time he'd thought of his ill-fated romance that'd nearly emotionally crippled him? Rolling onto his back, he rubbed at his eyes and glanced over to the clock's illuminated display. He groaned and grabbed clumsily at his phone. He wasn't opposed to days that started early, but 4:17 AM was really pushing it. Flipping through his apps, he started to plan out his morning. His secretary had sent him a tentative schedule and he was already filling the gaps of free time in with additional tasks. He scowled and shoved his navy-blue hair out of his face as he texted his secretary, then answered a few personal messages. There were six missed calls. Slowly sitting up, he frowned. That was unusual. He didn't get many phone calls in the middle of the night. He was shocked his phone hadn't woken him up.

He swallowed hard, recognizing the area code first. Then he knew the phone number as well. He dragged his fingers through his hair and let out a frustrated breath. They'd been over this. Communication between him and them was supposed to be emergency only. Tapping at the screen, he saw four voicemails. He let out a huff as he read. His phone was transcribing the messages far slower than he would have liked. When he lost patience and hit the play button, he braced himself. It wasn't enough.

“Alec, this is dad. I know you're busy doing big things, but your mom is sick. Has been for a while now.”

“Alec, dad again. Mom’s isn't doing well. Thought I'd let you know. It’s getting worse. Things are moving fast.”

“Your mother was admitted to the hospital. I tried to avoid calling these last few months but Alec, I think you need to come home.”

“Alec, mom’s in room number 239 at Saint Mary's. Please call as soon as you get this.”

He fell back against his blankets, letting his phone fall from his hand. Alec’s breathing picked up and he tried to focus on deep even breaths. He could handle this. He handled everything else. What was one more thing? He was a reliable, capable adult. Nothing was too hard, no problem too big for him. He was intelligent and nothing as small as deeply rooted trauma was going to throw him off. Still, wow, that trauma packed a punch. Alec glanced at his phone. The messages came in every few hours. His father hadn’t been lying when he said things had moved quickly. What was the she-demon sick with? It must be serious if his dad was reaching out. At the same time, the more suspicious part of Alec wondered if this was a lame attempt at luring him back home. He wouldn’t put it past them to be honest.

His hand smacked around on the bed and he scrambled for his phone. He dialed through muscle memory alone. There was only one person on the face of the Earth that he could trust his entire self to. One person who’d never judged him for who he really was. The person who'd never left him. He needed his rock. The phone rang and rang. He was ready to hang up. It was early and he shouldn't have called in the first place.

“Hello?” A deep voice he didn't recognize answered.

“Uh, is River there?”

“Yes. Hang on.”

“Mmmmmyello?” Mumbled a groggy, familiar voice after a minute.

“Slut.” Alec grinned.

“Only on Thursdays.” River yawned.

“It's Tuesday.”

“I'm working ahead. Putting in that overtime. It's called efficiency.”

“Do you have plans right now?”

“My dear, sweet Alec. It's 4:00 AM. Of course not. I'm going back to bed.” River yawned again, “As lovely as it is to hear your voice first thing in the morning.”

“My mom's in the hospital.” Alec closed his eyes. It was unfair to spring this on River out of the blue. He should’ve thought of something more to say. He should have worked up to it. There was a good chance River wasn’t entirely awake and his brain might not even be turned on all the way. Especially if he’d planned on immediately going back to bed. Alec draped his forearm across his face as he listened to some rustling and muffled swearing on the other end of the line. Then River’s voice was back. Much clearer this time.

“Are you okay?”

“I don't know. I'm not one hundred percent. I know that much. I'm panicking, but it's not as bad as it could be.” Alec explained, rubbing the soles of his feet against his silky sheets. The material and slide of his skin over it was soothing, relaxing. It helped him ground himself a bit as his body and brain forced him towards a meltdown.

“You've worked really hard to not be how you were. Give me a bit and I'll drive over.”

The line disconnected before Alec could answer and he sighed. He hadn't seen his parents in years. Not since he'd graduated with his bachelor’s. Not his associate’s. He hadn't even told them about that one. It took him years to be able to even face them again. There hadn’t been enough time between the events of his home life and his first graduation. He’d felt amazing, so he’d tried to reach out. Big mistake. They had eaten a very awkward dinner where his mother had criticized his newly dyed, long, red, hair and various piercings. He was surprised that her comments still hurt as much as they used to. He’d known ahead of time that she’d say something nasty. His hair was to his shoulders when he’d gone to see them and he’d pierced both sides of his nose. His ears were also triple pierced. He wished they could see River now. They’d probably piss themselves. All in all, it had taken him weeks to feel better after that encounter. They'd ruined one of the happiest days of his life. Then they’d had the gall to act like he was wrong for getting up and leaving in the middle of the meal. He wasn’t a boy anymore. He didn’t have to take it. This apparently surprised his former parental overlords.

Alec forced himself to get out of bed. He stumbled to his bathroom. Two tiny white pills. Bupropion. Two oblong light blue pills. Sertraline. One half light green and half dark green capsule. No, scratch that. Two. He'd need two today. Hydroxyzine. Alec filled the small glass by the sink with water and popped the handful of pills into his mouth. His face was hot, and his heart felt like it might burst from his chest. All this in addition to the panicked breathing. He was doing just fine. He swallowed the pills and mouthful of water and filled the glass again. He sipped it as he tried to empty his mind and concentrate on breathing. In, hold it, out. He had repeated as many times as he could. As many as it took to retrieve his normal stability. Or his normal anyway.

Alec was slowly dragging himself back from the edge when his camera system alerted him that someone had pushed his doorbell. River’s tired face was the first thing he saw before the other flashed a peace sign. Alec tapped on his phone and heard it chime. He threw an old college sweatshirt over his pajama bottoms and pawed at his hair to calm it down a little. It wasn’t long now. That’d been far too much hassle. His fringe was still dyed bright blue and cut choppy to create texture, but it was more grown up now. Elevated, as his barber explained.

He made his way downstairs and met River in the living room. River’s usually immaculate hair hung onto his forehead and the bubble gum pink locks did very little to distract from his messy, black, smeared eyeliner. Other than the pink, his hair hadn't changed much since they were teens. It was neater and he learned how to style it better. It also helped that they were adults with adult money who could go to professionals instead of ruining their hair cramped in a bathroom at home. River's high fade on the sides of his head had three, clean horizontal lines shaved in to make it unique. River’s ears were decorated with his normal black jewelry that matched his septum ring.

“How bad is it?” He asked producing a six pack from behind his back.

“I guess bad enough to put her in the hospital.” Alec shrugged.

“Did she call you or did your dad?” River asked as he stepped down into the sunken living room and sprawled on the light grey sectional.

“Guess.” Alec took the seat next to his friend and accepted the offered beer.

They sat quietly and Alec used a metal loop on River’s pants to open his drink. They’d long ago mastered the art of companionable silence and Alec was always grateful. He studied his friend. River wore tight navy jeans with metal chains hanging over his upper thighs and a tank top. The shirt thrown over the outfit was far too big to be his friend’s. It was also a crisp, white, button up. Not River’s style.

“Where did you come from?”

“Mm, wouldn't you like to know.” River grinned, exposing the small ring that hung in front of his teeth.

Alec hissed softly when worn, combat boots thumped down on his glass coffee table,” Listen here, you degenerate- “

“Are you going home then?” River’s expression had dimmed and he was staring down the neck of his own beer.

“Kind of feels like I have to.” Alec sighed before taking a drink.

“How do you feel about that? Are you going to be okay?” River frowned at him.

Alec took another drink so he wouldn't have to answer right away. Then he let out a heavy sigh, slouching down where he sat, “It's going to be brutal. It's been ten years River.”

“I am aware. I left earlier, remember?” Alec nodded, and they let the conversation die. River's arm was pressed along his and the gentle pressure was calming. Thankfully, River understood that Alec didn’t want constant conversation when he was going through something. Some people were desperate to push him until he admitted what was wrong or what he was thinking. He hated that. River pushed him in other ways, but not like that. Nothing made Alec more resistant to sharing personal information. He’d shut down immediately. This way he could work himself up to baring his soul and being, shudder, vulnerable.

They took drinks in turns and River replaced his empty bottle before Alec could ask. They'd polished off the six-pack quick, and now Alec didn't have anything to distract himself with. River was tracing the bottle’s opening with his thumb, frown still firmly In place. Alec needed to say something. That was the whole reason he’d called River in the first place. He hadn’t wanted to be alone in this. So now that River was here, he needed to get it together and take the help he was offered. He cleared his throat and let his head fall back.

“I don't want to go back.” Alec muttered angrily, “They made my life hell for seventeen years.”

“She's still your mother.”

“She's still a bitch.” Alec lifted his head to glare at the empty bottles that sat in front of him on the glass.

“That she is.” River leaned back, head turned in his direction, “Are you going to regret it if you don't go?”

Alec squeezed his eyes closed as he fought with himself. There was so much telling him not to go home. So many painful things he’d pushed into the far recesses of his mind once he’d obtained his freedom. His mother's insane rules when he'd been home. Her absolute death grip on his freedom and self-expression. The way she desperately tried to “fix” him. Her and that asshole pastor constantly poking at him in the places they thought would hurt the most. Alec had survived on mere spite for years. He'd blown through high school and landed a fair number of scholarships. When he'd officially moved to California to live with River, he'd added grants to the mix. He'd left home and he'd left his family behind in every single way. It had hurt at first. It had hurt when he and River had struggled. California was much more expensive than their original goal of Washington. But California had Stanford and after a few years, they made it to Washington anyway.

Their apartment had been tiny, dirty and in a bad area. Sometimes just feeding themselves had been a struggle. Through all of it, River and Alec stayed together and kept their heads up. They'd done it without their parents or anyone else. Which was good, since they didn't really have any other support. River’s mother had lost her mind when she’d found out, sobbing constantly over his voicemail before telling him not to come home. Alec’s mother had made it known how she felt before he left. During one of the hardest parts of his life, she told him just how broken and wrong she thought he was. Besides River, Alec had lost everyone his junior year. Seventeen had been one of the worst times of his life. Now, he was thinking about having to face everything again! Could he handle going back? What if it dug up all the awful memories? Brown eyes flashed through his mind and a familiar stab of hurt ran him through. There were a few things he wasn't sure he could handle.

“Have you thought of what you'll do if you run into him?” River asked. Alec was certain his friend had picked up mind reading.

“No? Who?”

River laughed, “You know exactly who.”

“I haven't even decided if I'm going back River.” Alec snapped defensively.

“I'm just saying, If you decide to go home, you need to be prepared for what's waiting for you.” River shrugged, holding his hands up.

“It’s been ten years. Who knows? Maybe he’s not there anymore. I might not have to worry about it at all. We’re both adults now, anyway. I’m sure he’s made a life for himself with someone.”

River let out a sigh, “Or he’s just like you, holding up every potential partner to the ‘one that got away’. Don’t think you can tell me otherwise. Your affinity for big, muscular, blonds is well documented sir.”

“I don’t remember anyone asking you to weigh in on my dating life.” Alec glared at his friend.

“Or lack thereof. I don’t remember ordering a wake-up call at four in the morning, but here were are cupcake.”

Alec relaxed back against the couch cushions. Despite what River said, things were good. He'd found himself a great job. He owned a beautiful house. His world was finally the way he wanted it to be. He didn’t need to be romantically involved with someone to be happy. There were more important things. Going back to Sunnyside would ruin all of it. The issue wasn't the time commitment. He could work remotely from anywhere. He didn't want to walk the streets he had as a deeply unhappy teen. He didn't want to face the people who'd made his life a living hell once his...protection had deserted him. There was still more. He was barely scratching the surface. It was the horrific treatment his mother would no doubt inflict. Even from a hospital bed. It was his father's cowardice. He'd hide in the corner, close-lipped as his mother threw every mistake Alec had made in his face. He'd run from that dynamic as a teen and then again as a young graduating adult. He shouldn't have to be subjected to it again. It simply wasn't fair. It had taken him almost twenty-eight years to figure out his place in the world and how to handle it. He had worked too damn hard to regress.

“You're coming with.” He announced.

River laughed nervously, “I work a normal job, Alec. I can't just leave.”

“You and I both know your sweetheart of a boss wouldn't care if you explained it. Also, you make your own hours.”

“Okay, but I have a second job and- “

“Bring your equipment. I'll pay for a hotel room the next town over.” Alec begged,” Please Riv. I can't do this alone.”

River flopped back dramatically on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. He pulled one of his lip rings into his mouth while he closed his eyes. As much as Alec hated to admit he hadn't come as far as he thought, he knew he couldn't cope alone. He'd become codependent. Like he had for every big event in his life, he needed his best friend.

“Fine. But if Milo is still around, I'm shooting my shot!”

It had been a while since River had gone. Alec had cleared his schedule for the day (panicking, his poor secretary.) He'd been motivated, bu thn, he hadn't left the couch. He felt like he was glued in place. River hadn't meant to, but by mentioning Milo's name, he'd released things. Things Alec had kept locked down for a decade. He remembered-during his last semester at high school-the benefit the town had held for the Larson family. Milo had extensive medical bills and they kept piling up as he continued physical therapy. Alec thought the school had raised quite a bit, but he wouldn't know. He'd been cut off from the family by a specific member, so he kept to himself. With River gone, he'd never felt so alone.

Alec’s hands lay limp in his lap as he recalled running into Maisie and Lance soon after he’d finished high school. His parents. They'd been sweet, kind as always. Maisie had only flinched a little when he'd asked about Milo. Milo was fine. They were hopeful he’d be able to walk and even run. That was farther down the road, though. He had a long way to go. Maisie had answered and then looked away as the other question hung between them. Alec couldn't ask about her younger son. He was too weak. It still opened the hole in his chest every time he even started to think about the certain someone responsible for it. He missed him every day. He dreamed about bright smiles, sweet kisses, and snuggling under the stars. He'd seen him in passing, obviously. It was impossible not to. The town was too small. Alec, for the first few months, had tried to reach out. He had realized his mistake pretty fast and had started to run multiple solutions through his head. There were still a few months before he said goodbye to his hometown. Surely, he could set up something where they weren’t just...done. He didn’t want the connection and trust they’d built to stay so bluntly severed. Alec had hoped they could fix it, heal it. So, he’d sent messages periodically. He'd been ignored. As the months passed, Alec sent less texts. Then he stopped all together. A year after he'd left, he got the first and last message from the number he'd memorized.

[F: I wish you were still here. I wish you had never left. I wish we didn't ruin it.]

What did he say to that? He'd been ignored for more than a year and out of nowhere, a guilt trip? It wasn't fair. It was downright mean, and Alec had deleted the message without responding.

Alec made himself get off the couch. There was a flight to schedule, lodgings to set up, phone calls to make, and packing to do. He didn't have time to slide down into a funk. His meds were helping. They had taken in the sharp edge off his anxiety. Alec wasn't the boy who left Iowa. He wasn't the scared teen that could barely function, one minor inconvenience away from breaking down. He yanked his suitcase out of the closet and shook his head.

That didn't change the fact that no matter who he was now, this is going to suck.