I Hate This Town - 30. Chapter 30: Drop

It felt like a hole had appeared to his left. It was creeping closer and all Alec could do was watch it grow nearer. He hadn’t stood when his father had spoken to him. He hadn’t approached the bed. He sat in his chair and watched the hole spread wider and wider. He wasn’t sure how long it’d take to swallow him whole. His father was talking but Alec couldn’t hear him. Henry’s voice was growing more frantic. Alec felt so far away. He couldn’t bring himself back. He didn’t know what was going on.

He felt his pocket vibrate a few times. There was time in between vibrations, but he didn’t know what that meant right now. Alec sat in his chair, knees falling apart so that his hands could hang between them. He stared off to the side and swallowed the extra spit in his mouth. There were other people in the room. There were female voices he didn’t recognize. Nurses, he assumed. Everyone was talking. His father was talking, the nurses, and his thoughts were a crazed jumble. He knew what it meant when someone was moved from the hospital proper to hospice. He’d heard about it. He’d seen it in movies. He’d remembered from his grandfather passing away when he was a child. It wasn’t good. Alec knew it should make him feel something, but what? He didn’t know and Alec couldn’t make himself care as he tipped into the hole and lost all awareness of the things happening around him.

A hand touched his shoulder lightly and he startled back to awareness, “There’s someone here for you. It’s family only here. Maybe you should step out while we speak to your father.”

Alec looked up at the unfamiliar woman. He looked back to the bed. His father hadn’t moved much. His hands hung by his sides now and there was only one nurse who looked like she was speaking to him. Where had all the others gone? How long had he been zoning out? He looked back at the woman again and things began to focus. She was wearing scrubs. That made sense. Really the only people that came in were medical staff. She smiled at him. Pity. It was all pity.

“Sir? Are you okay? There’s a friend waiting outside for you?”

Alec nodded and stood. His legs carried him out of the room and he wandered to the main entrance. He stepped outside, looking around, still dazed. The first thing he saw was a bright red truck. Then his vision filled with ugly green shorts, messy blond hair, and big brown eyes. Alec snapped back to the real world and choked on a sob, covering his mouth. Finn was talking, but he couldn’t hear him over his own ragged sobs. Arms wrapped around him and he was crushed against a strong chest. Fingers rubbed down the individual knobs of his spine. Alec closed his eyes and rested his face in Finn’s neck.

“Are you okay? Alec, babe?” Hands cupped Alec’s face gently, thumbs stroking over his cheekbones.

“I think she’s dead.” Alec said, voice still disgustingly uneven.

“You think? Okay, alright. Come on. Let’s sit down.” He was led away from the building and Finn managed to find a bench out of view.

Finn arranged him on the bench and sat next to him. An arm wrapped around Alec’s back and he wiped at his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m so upset.”

“Your mother is sick? Maybe worse.” Finn murmured into Alec’s hair. He nuzzled him gently and lips pressed to Alec’s temple.

“She was awful to me. She’s still terrible to me. We haven’t been close since I was a child.” Alec sniffled, hating how watery and childish he sounded.

“She’s still your mother. It’s okay to be upset.” A thumb swiped gently at the tears running down Alec’s cheeks.

“I’m a grown man. This is ridiculous.” Alec laughed bitterly, resting his cheek on Finn’s shoulder.

“No, it isn’t.” Finn insisted, pressing another kiss to Alec’s temple.

“What the hell are you staring at?” They turned at the shout and Alec shook his head as he saw River.

His friend was wearing an oversized, gauzy, black shirt with black skinny jeans and his ridiculous purple combat boots. His hair was a mess and he wasn’t looking at them. There were some nurses off to the side of the main entrance. They were staring, wide-eyed at Alec’s friend. They both had cigarettes in hand and Alec tried to piece things together.

“You got a problem with people comforting other people who are grieving?” River yelled, waving his hands around.

“I’m going to go diffuse the pink bomb. I’ll be right back.” Alec watched Finn approach River, hands raised like he thought he’d be the next target.

“Oh, Finn! Hey man. Hang on a second.” River turned to smile brightly at the blond and then turned back to the women, “You’re in a place where people continuously have the worst days of their life. Maybe put away the homophobia and try to show some compassion, eh?”

The women quickly put out their cigarettes, rushing away and whispering. River glared until they were out of sight and then turned to stomp over to the bench Alec sat on. His shirt swirled around River’s thighs and Alec was a little mesmerized by the movement. His friend crouched down in front of him, various silver and black rings, piercings, and bracelets jingling faintly.

“How’re you doing? You okay?” River asked, resting his hands on Alec’s knees.

“I’m way more of a mess than I thought I’d be.” Alec sighed.

“She kick the bucket then?” River’s head tilted to the side.

“River! Christ!” Finn scolded as he came to sit next to Alec again.

“What? Too soon?” River raised an eyebrow, frowning a little.

“We’re in front of hospice.” Finn sighed, combing his fingers through Alec’s hair.

“So, if the wicked witch is dead, where does that leave us?” River asked.

“I don’t know.” Alec leaned back and relaxed against Finn’s chest.

River’s eyes darted between the two and a knowing smirk formed as he motioned between the two of them, “We’re going to talk about this later.”

“Where’s your less friendly other half? Going about his family business doing business?” Finn teased.

“Mm yes. He’s very good at his business business.” River grinned but turned back to Alec with far more seriousness, “You haven’t answered me. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” Alec sighed, feeling Finn’s arm loop around his waist.

“Do you need us to come with so you can try to support your dad?” River asked.

“We can’t go in. We’re not family. I already tried.” Finn said, kissing the back of Alec’s head gently.

“I should go back in, though.” Alec sighed as he sat up, reluctantly removing himself from the safe circle of Finn’s arms.

“We can wait out here for you. I’m kind of stranded until I call my mother anyway.” River shrugged, pushing himself up to stand.

“I can give you a ride home when you’re ready, but yeah, we’ll be here when you need us ba-Alec.” Finn coughed, catching himself before what was surely going to be a pet name.

Alec bit his lip softly. They should talk, define things. Right now, Alec had more pressing things to deal with. He smiled at both River and Finn. Then he convinced himself he needed to go back inside. As upset as he was, his father was in there alone without any support. The walk took forever, but at the same time, he wished it was miles longer. His father was sitting in a chair again, beside the bed this time. He looked up when Alec came back and startled. Alec refused to glance toward the bed. He sat in the chair next to Henry and stared down at the floor. Licking his dry lips, he tried to think of something to say. What did you say in a situation like this?

“She did love you.” Henry said after a grueling silence.

“Dad…it’s okay. You don’t have to try and make it better.” Alec said, sighing for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

“I know. It’s just hard Alec. She wanted what was best for you, but I don’t think she ever knew what it was. She honestly thought you were ruining your life and that she could somehow save you from yourself.” His father continued and the words made Alec nauseous.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now. I understand why you feel like you need to defend her, but please stop.”

“Okay, I’ll stop. I just wanted to say what she didn’t get to.”

Alec didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear how much his mother might’ve loved him at one point. He didn’t care. He’d fulfilled any weird obligation he may have to the woman. He glanced to his father and tried not to snap. He wasn’t lying. He understood, but he couldn’t handle it. Alec couldn’t handle knowing that she might have done everything through a warped sense of love. Even if it was true, it didn’t matter. Whatever Mae had thought it was or thought she was doing for her son; it didn’t make everything she’d done okay.

She was dead now. Henry was upset and scrambling to cover the things his wife had done to their child with pretty, empty words. Alec was upset and he was having a hard time putting his finger on one reason why. The nurses came back in, but Henry appeared to be done for the day. So, Alec stood and took care of things. He made arrangements even though his head was spinning. He’d stepped into the hall and reentered the room only for the things that required his father’s signature or input. Mae had made arrangements prior to her decline so the process was expedited.

Since he’d left earlier to go outside, he hadn’t looked at his mother. He refused to. By the time everything was done, he was exhausted and his father had completely checked out. Maybe the hole that’d swallowed him earlier had taken his father this time.

He was the only person in the room now since Alec had figured out everything else. He stepped over to the older man, “Dad?”

Henry looked startled again, “Oh, sorry. I think I zoned out there for a while.”

“Everything’s taken care of. Do you want a ride home? I’m not sure if either of us should drive.”

“There isn’t more to do?” He asked, looking as dazed as Alec had felt for hours now.

“I took care of it. Finn and River are outside. They can give us rides.”

“Sure. You probably want to get back to your hotel.”

Alec took in a deep breath. Henry was looking down at the ground, but Alec knew a guilt trip when he saw one. It was fair. He wouldn’t want to be alone either. His father didn’t have anyone else. Thinking back over when he’d still lived at home, he couldn’t remember his father ever mentioning friends. He’d worked all day and then he’d come home. When Alec had left, Mae had been all Henry had. It was kind of sad. No, not kind of. It was extremely sad.

As his father followed him outside, he searched for Finn and River. They were sitting in Finn’s truck bed with River speaking, animated as always. The sheer relief that Alec felt when he saw them, Finn especially, made him feel a little lighter. His chest didn’t feel like it was going to collapse. Finn saw him before River. The blond popped up and hopped off the tailgate, River turning and getting up to follow at a much slower speed. Finn charged forward, paying very little attention to Henry.

“You alright?” Finn reached out, cupping Alec’s cheek gently.

“Henry.” River said as he stepped up behind Finn.

“H-hello River, Finn.” He heard his father say.

Finn’s gaze flicked behind Alec and then returned to his face, cupping it with both hands now, “Have you eaten today? Do you want to go back to the hotel or…uh…my place?”

“Slow down there Casanova. He’s not a damsel in distress.” River clapped a hand on Finn’s shoulder.

Finn blinked and slowly let his hands drop, “Yeah sorry. I’m coming on a bit too strong.”

Alec stepped forward, linking their fingers, “One of you needs to drive my dad and me home.”

“You want to go to your dad’s?” River raised an eyebrow.

“Alec, you don’t have to. I know it wouldn’t be the most comfortable for you.” Henry said.

“It’s fine dad.”

“I’ll take your dad. Why don’t you ride with Finn?” River said.

“We’re going to the same place, though.” Alec frowned, very confused.

“Duh.” River said, dragging Henry away.

“C’mon.” Finn tugged his hand, their fingers still linked.

The blond led him to the truck and opened the door for him. Alec felt out of it yet again. He’d kept it together in there and he had no idea how. Once he was in, Finn shut the door and Alec sat quietly until he’d gotten in. He slid across the seat and tucked himself into Finn’s side. It wasn’t the safest thing, but he didn’t care. Alec needed to be close to Finn. Fingers slid up his nape and dull nails scraped over his scalp soothingly. He felt and heard Finn start the car. Alec let his eyes slip closed and kept them that way the entire drive. The sounds of the tires moving over the road and the soft, horrible country music drifting out of Finn’s speakers was starting to lull him to sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, yawning softly.

“Alec? We’re here.” Gentle fingers were brushing hair off his forehead and lips pressed to it. He vaguely registered that they weren’t moving anymore. The sounds of the roads had quieted as well. Alec shook his head and curled up more.

“Just pick him up. What do you go to the gym for, if not to lift your cute nerd boyfriend?” He smiled at River’s familiar snark.

“Uh I-I don’t know if we’re…uh.”

“You’re so incredibly eloquent Finn.”

Alec felt himself jostle and then he was in the open air, mumbling, “Please don’t drop me. I’m having a rough day.”

“Come this way. There’s a guest room.”

Alec kept his mouth shut. That guest room was his old room. It wasn’t worth throwing a fit over. He was tired. He just wanted to curl up and sleep for a year. He blinked open his eyes long enough to wrap his arms around Finn’s neck. He could hear steps behind them and glanced around to confirm his father had made it into the house. Once he had, he snuggled back into Finn and let the man cart him around like he was some kind of fairytale princess.

“Tired?” Finn mumbled.

“Yes. I’m going to sleep forever.” Alec said, opening his eyes to look up at the other man.

“Sleep is good.” Finn smiled at him and lowered him onto the bed, “You want to call me tomorrow?”
“I can, but why?”

Finn scratched the back of his head, “Well, if you want to sleep and stay at your dad’s, I figured I’d see you tomorrow?”

“Where do you think you’re going Larson?” Alec groused, tugging him onto the bed. He scooted over, thankful that the bed was pushed against the wall. Finn made the twin pretty crowded, but Alec just snuggled down more.

“I don’t know if there’s enough room, Alec.” Finn said, trying not to smash him against the wall.

Alec wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck and pulled him closer. His chest hurt and for some reason, being smashed between the man and the wall was comforting. Finn’s fingers rubbed the small of his back and he hummed softly.

“Can you stay here?” Alec asked, breathless as he struggled to keep his breathing even. The emotions were rising again and he was trying not to cry.

“For a while. I have to get home and take care of Herky.” Finn said, pulling up a blanket that’d been draped over the foot of the bed.

“Are you going to be alright if I go later?” Finn asked.

Alec nodded and rested his face in the crook of Finn’s neck. He’d be just fine if he simply went to sleep. Was it wrong that he didn’t want to spend time with his father? He didn’t know how to comfort the other man and he would like to avoid doing any serious thinking for the rest of the night. When Finn left, or maybe before, he’d settle into a small coma. Henry would be fine. There wasn’t much he could do for him really. He was here. That’s all he could offer right now.

“You’re shaking Alec.” Finn murmured in his ear as he held him closer.

“Will you stay as long as you can?” Alec asked, looking up at the other man. His insides were scrambled and it hurt. He’d manage. He always did, but it was far easier with Finn stuck to him and rubbing his back and arms soothingly.

“Yes, get some rest.” Alec snuggled closer, rubbing near his sternum to try and get rid of some of the tightness and pain. He concentrated on the strong fingers moving over his spine and the nape of his neck. Alec closed his eyes again and tuned into Finn’s soft humming.

“Hey. Weirdos. I talked to Henry and we’ll party tonight. You two get out of here.” Alec jolted and groaned as he smacked the back of his head against the wall. Fingers covered his as he hissed in pain.

“Does everything you do have to be obnoxious, Riv?” Finn yawned, awkwardly sitting up.

“Well, of course. I make your lives interesting and exciting. You don’t have to thank me. You’re welcome.” Alec mumbled angrily and blinked blearily up at his friend as Finn stood.

“What’s going on?” He asked as he sat up, hanging his legs over the edge of the bed. He wasn’t sure he was all the way awake yet and Finn’s hooded eyes and mussed hair led him to believe he was in the same category.

“Get out. Finn take him to your house. Make him shower. Feed him. Get him different clothes. Try to take his mind off things without using the lower half of your body.” River waved his hand around, narrowing his eyes on the blond at the last part.

“I should be here for him.” Alec frowned.

“Nope. Get out.” River insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Your father’s already tucked into bed. I’m going to need this bed, so scram.”

Alec looked up at River and stood slowly. He didn’t have to be told twice. He’d wanted to leave as soon as Finn had laid him down on the bed. He’d be much more comfortable in the bed he’d slept in last night. Finn’s was big and he’d slept like a log last night. It also helped that he’d fallen asleep in warm, protective arms. Alec inwardly rolled his eyes at himself. God, he was in over his head. He was already way too dependent on Finn. Either way, he linked their fingers and followed River out of the room. When he reached the living room, he was surprised to see that his father was nowhere to be found. Maybe River had managed to get him into bed.

“You sure about this?” Finn asked.

“Yeah. Please get me away from here.”