Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 51. Battle Scars

| Riley |

I once heard eyes are the window to the soul, so what does that mean now that one of mine is gone? I’ve been hurt a lot in my life. Yet none of it ever mattered to me. All my scars, hell, even my bullet wound never really bother me. So why does this?

As the alarm sounded out through our bedroom I couldn’t help but let out a long groan. “Can you turn that fuckin thing off?” I finally snapped after about thirty second of it sounding.

“Sorry,” Carter grumbled as he slowly woke up. “how do you feel?”

“How do you think I fell?” I grunted as I rolled off of him and onto my back.

“Seriously Riley,” He sighed as he started to wake up more and more. ”your head still hurting you?”

“What the fuck do you think is hurtin me?” I snapped as the pain seemed to radiate throughout my body.

“I get that you’re in a lot of pain right now,” Carter began, sitting up and looking over to me. “but you’re not going to take it out on everyone around you. Got it?”

“I ain’t takin,”

“Got it?” He repeated in a stern voice.

“Sorry.” I surrendered, sitting up. “Do you really gotta go to school? Can’t you just hang around me all day?”

“And get snapped at?” He softly laughed as he got to his feet. “I think I’m going to pass on that.”

“What if I don’t snap at you?” I offered, trying my hardest to plead my case. “It can just be you and me all day.”

“Sorry, but going to school today was part of sleeping over.” He explained as he threw on a shirt and picked up his bag. “If we start breaking rules they won’t let it happen again.”

“They won’t let it happen again anyway.” I grumbled as he walked towards the door.

“They will.” He nodded his head. “Just lay down and rest. I’ll go get changed and grab you something for your head.”

“Wait,” I called out as he went to turn towards the door. His normally perfect pretty boy hair was in shambles as a bed head took its place. The light brown hair seemed to go wherever it wanted on his head, as the normal spike up front disappeared. “Nice hair.” I couldn’t help but tease.

“Jerk.” He smiled with a roll of his eyes.

It didn’t take him long to get ready for the day and grab me something for my headache, but even as the pain began to fade I felt the sour mood hanging around.

“How do you feel?” Mom asked as we entered the kitchen.

“Fine.” I dismissed, not even bothering to look up.

“Are you ready for your first day of home schooling?” She teased, working something over in a pan near the stove.

“So freakin’ ready.” I sarcastically bit.

“Riley.” Carter warned shooting me another strict look.

“We’re going to have fun today.” She said, nearly mirroring my tone.

Carter gulped as he tried to imagine what my day would look like. Sure, he can go tit for tat with me if he wanted, but eventually I’ll back down. With Nancy, well I think he knows it can turn into a grudge match real quick!

“You’re making pancakes!” Aaron exclaimed as he and Tak made their way down the stairs. “You haven’t made them in months!”

“Well grab everyone plates and you can have some.” She explained, picking up the full plate next to her and bringing them to the table.

As everyone began to dig in I found myself growing more and more agitated. Everything they did sounded like gun shots in my head. Every fork and knife on the plate, every bite that caught the fork, every chair rubbing against the floor, it all felt like small explosions in my mind. Finally I pushed my plate forward and rose to my feet.

“Where are you going?” Carter asked in a concerned voice.

“You guys are too fuckin loud.” I lashed out as I began to head towards the stairs.

“No one’s saying anything.” He tried to argue as I reached the stairs.

“Why don’t you two go eat upstairs?” Mom offered as she took note of the volatile mood I was in.

“Thank you.” Carter nodded as he grabbed both our plates and quickly caught up with me. He stayed quiet as we quickly climbed them and found ourselves back in Tak’s room. “Remember what I said about taking it out on people?” He quietly tried to warn.

“Sorry,” I grunted. “but I couldn’t even think straight down there.”

“Okay.” He nodded his head. “Is your headache at least starting to fade?”

“I guess.” I shrugged, but as he heard those words he could tell my head wasn’t the only thing bothering me.

“What is it?” He asked as we both sat down on the bed.

“Nothin.” I lied, putting all my attention on the food in front of me.

“It’s okay,” He tried to comfort. “you can tell me.”

I stayed quiet for a minute or two, but as I saw Carter focusing on his food knew he wouldn’t speak again until I caved. “It just sucks.” I finally confessed. “All of it. I look so fuckin stupid.”

“No you don’t.” He quickly tried to comfort as his head popped up. “You look badass. I mean look at you, you look like you were in a war.”

“Except I lost.” I grumbled, looking back down at my food.

“No you didn’t.” He shook his head, reaching out and gently placing his hand on my chin before slowly forcing it up. “You’re really going to let one little eye take you down?”

“It’s not that.” I shook my head.

“Then what is it?” He prodded, trying his hardest to get in my head.

“It’s just,” I shook my head thinking over all my doubts. “ugly.”

“Ugly?” Carter repeated as concern overtook his face. “Riley Walker you’re a lot of things, but you’re not ugly. Would I put up with all of your shit if you were?”

“Well now I’m gonna have a glass eye or a eye patch.” I replied, breaking free of his grip and looking back down at my food.

“So?” He asked with a shake of his head. “I look forward to you with an eye patch. I think you’ll look even more badass than you already do.”

“Name one person who looks bad ass with an eye patch?” I asked finally looking back up at him. “And I swear to god if you say a pirate.”

He carefully thought it over before I saw his eyes light up. “You haven’t seen the newest Thor movie.” He suddenly announced, pulling out his phone. “You know who Chris Hemsworth is?”

“Who?” I asked, shooting him a blank look.

“He’s like one of the hottest guys alive.” Carter explained as he scrolled through his phone. “Here.” He proudly showed as he flashed his phone to me.

As I saw the picture I couldn’t believe my eyes. Carter wasn’t kidding when he said he was one of the hottest guys alive! He was jacked, and yet not intimidating. As Carter saw the look on my face he couldn’t help but laugh. “Still think you’re only gay for me?”

“Shut up.” I clicked my tongue, looking back down at my food.

“Okay but still,” He tried to stifle his laughter. “he looks pretty damn good with that eye patch.”

“I guess.” I shrugged, falling quiet once more.

“It’s all about your confidence.” Carter tried to explain. “People weren’t bothered by your messed up eye because you wore it proudly. Why would you change how you act just because it’s gone?”

“I don’t know.” I finally admitted in a sigh.

“Good.” He smiled. “Then don’t change and I promise you everything will stay the same.”

I took another minute or two to think it over before looking up at him. “Thank you.” I conceded as a relieved smile grew on his face.

“So you like Chris Hemsworth?” Carter asked with a devious look in his eyes.

“That’s a dumb question.” I shot down as his smile grew.

“I guess it is.” He agreed with a quick nod.

“So if the three of us was in a room,” I began, seeing what he would say.

“Are you asking if I would agree to a threesome with you and Chris Hemsworth?” He said, trying his hardest to contain his laughter.

“I mean I wasn’t gonna say that,” I played along. “but if that’s where your head went.”

“If by some miracle of God that opportunity presents itself then yes Riley. I would sleep with you both.” He conceded as his laughter finally broke through.

“Oh, I’ll make it happen.” I nodded my head.

“Yeah? Because he has a wife.” Carter teased as all the concern we had just held seemed to fade.

“So?” I shrugged. “You turned me.”

“I didn’t turn you!” He laughed even louder. “You were gay when I met you!”

“Sure I was.” I teased in a laugh of my own.

“You’re stupid.” He shook his head as a gentle knock began on the door.

Carter and I shared one last quiet look before he turned towards the door. “Come in.”

“Hey,” Aaron began as he slowly pushed it open. “we have to get going soon.”

“Okay.” Carter nodded his head as he stood up.

“Come on man.” I sighed looking up at him. “You really gotta go?”

“Unfortunately.” He answered, leaning forward and planting kiss on my lips. “I’ll come visit after practice. Be good to your mom today, she’s really worried about you.”

Aaron nodded his head from behind Carter. “She wouldn’t even eat this morning.”

“I get it.” I dismissed, before the guilt could pile on too high.

“Love you.” Carter said, noticing me starting to fall into my thoughts.

“Love you too.” I quickly accepted as I snapped out of it.

I gave it another ten minutes until I finally came out of my bedroom and climbed down the stairs.

“Thank you for breakfast.” I offered as I noticed my Mom sitting at the table reading.

“It was no problem.” She forced a smile and tried to keep her voice low. “How do you feel?”

“Better.” I lied, taking a seat near her.

“Are little noises really bothering you that much?” She asked, looking up from her book.

“Little bit.” I shrugged.

“Okay.” She nodded her head. “Then I’ll make sure we keep it quiet today.”

“Alright.” I sighed as she stood up and wandered towards the living room. As she walked back into the kitchen I noticed a heavy looking box in her hands. I went to stand but she waived me off. “You’re not supposed to carry anything.” She reminded me as she finally reached the table.

“What is that?” I asked trying my hardest to see what was inside the box.

“I picked it up from your school,” She began as she pulled it open. “It’s all the work you’ll miss.” I let my head fall back and let out a long groan. “I wouldn’t complain. You get to take all your tests and quizzes at home for the next week and a half.”

“Oh shit,” I let out in a laugh. “really?”

“Language or I’ll fail you.” She threatened, shooting me a serious look.

“Alright, sorry.” I apologized as she placed a thick workbook in front of me. “You want to start with English?”

“Sure.” I sighed as she pulled it open. “We’ll start with critical reading,” she began. “so why don’t you read those paragraphs out loud and we’ll answer the question.”

I nodded but quickly had to run upstairs to grab my glasses. As I made my way back to the table and put them on I realized how stupid I would look with them from now on. “You look fine.” Mom tried to comfort, nearly reading my mind. “Now go ahead.” She encouraged pushing the book further in front of me.

I narrowed in my eye as I tried my hardest to pick apart the words. “To-day I am an,” I began to slowly read. “In-q, In-qui, In-q,”

“Sound it out nice and slow Riley.” She offered, covering the words around it so my eye could focus. I continued to struggle but she gave me all the time I needed. She didn’t mind that it took me a few minutes to finally get the word right, or that when I did I kept pronouncing it wrong.

The rest of the morning seemed to follow that path. She was as patient as I needed for as long as I needed. She never once got frustrated or yelled. She simply kept with me until we finished a large part of the assignment.

“Okay, why don’t we give your eye a break?” She offered with a smile.

“Aight.” I nodded my head.

“You did good.” She forced a smile.

“Took me all mornin.” I complained, looking down at the table.

“That’s okay.” She tried to comfort. “Different people have different strengths. Maybe we can look into getting you a tablet with e-textbooks that read out loud.”

“I would like that.” I accepted trying to hide my blush.

“Okay, but first I want to see your reading improve.” She explained, trying to draw eye contact.

“Did I get dyslexia from the streets?” I suddenly asked, still not looking up.

“No.” She shook her head. “I guess it’s hard to say where it came from, but it’s probably genetic.”

“Oh.” I exhaled, carefully thinking it over. “So then my birth parents probably had it too?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “It could’ve skipped a generation.”

I nodded but fell into my own head as I thought about the family I had never met. “Why does it bother you that I wanna meet my birth dad?” I suddenly asked.

“It doesn’t bother me.” She lied. “I just, I’m worried he’s not going to be what you expect.”

“I don’t expect much.” I confessed in a sigh.

“Then why meet him?” She asked as I finally looked back up.

“I just need to know some stuff.” I answered, trying my hardest to side step the question.

“Like what?” She asked, looking deep into my eye.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Just stuff.”

“You can tell me.” She offered in a concerned voice. “It’ll stay between us.”

I thought it over for a minute or two before letting out a sigh. “I just needa know why things were the way they were.”

“When you were growing up?” She asked, but I stayed quiet. “You never really told me what that was like for you,” She began as she laid her hand on mine. “one day I want to know if that’s okay.”

“Hard.” I answered, surprising even myself.

“It was just you and your birth mom?” She asked. I know she knows more than she’s letting on. That she has some sort of idea of what growing up was like for me, but was giving me a chance to tell my story.

“Yeah,” I softly nodded. “but she was high most of the time anyway.”

“Oh.” She exhaled, looking at me closely. “That must’ve been really hard to see.”

“It was just normal.” I shrugged. “I had to be the man of the house, you know?”

“And how old were you?” She asked, trying her hardest to keep me talking.

“She did drugs for as long as I can remember, but it got real bad when I was eight.” I confessed as I started to tell my story.

“Why’s that?”

“She stopped bringing home food for us, so I hada start doin it.” I shook my head.

“By stealing?” She asked as the color started to fade from her face.

“Yeah,” I nodded as my own expression went blank. “just little stuff at first, then when I got good enough actual meals.”

“How long did this go on for?” She prodded, completely enwrapped in my story.

“Till she died.” I shook my head.

“Oh.” Mom exhaled, trying her hardest to keep eye contact. “That’s when the saints found you?”

“Yeah.” I forced another nod. “And the rest is history.”

“So then you want to know why your dad left?” She asked, trying her hardest to understand what she had just heard.

“Guess so,” I shrugged. “I just needa to know why it was like that. I needa know how things got that bad.”

“And if he doesn’t have an answer for you?” She asked as I broke eye contact.

“I don’t expect him too,” I confessed. “but at this point I’ll take anything.”

She nodded and gripped my hand tightly. “Well you’ll always have a family here. Me, your father, your brothers, we’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.” I nodded as I leaned forward and began to hug her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She forced out as emotion began to peak in her voice. “And one day, one day I want to hear what it was like for you in the saints too.”

“No you don’t.” I shook my head as we pulled away from one another.

“You’re my son,” She tried to explain. “I want to know everything about you.”

I let out a deep sigh and nodded once more. “I’m glad you found me.”

“I am too.” She smiled as she heard those words.

The rest of the afternoon was more focused on homework, but the emotions from our conversation were still there. She accepts everything about me with unconditional love. I know I mean the world to her, and I hope she knows that she means the same to me.

--

--

When we finally finished homeschooling for the day I was beat. Pain radiated through my body as I laid back on the couch and tried my hardest to take a nap. I knew it was going to be bad, but I didn’t expect it to be like this! I just hope the recovery is as quick as they say!

I let out a long groan as I heard a loud knocking sound out form the front door. “Hey,” Mom let out in surprise. “I didn’t know you were coming to visit.”

“I figured I should come check on him,.” A familiar voice sounded through the house. “if that’s okay.”

“I think he’ll be happy to see you.” I heard my mom happily accept. “Just make sure you keep your voice low, his head’s a little, sensitive.”

“Okay.” The man accepted as my Mom led him into the game room.

“Coach Murray.” I forced a smile as I sat up. “I know even injured I’m better than most of the team, but I really can’t practice right now.” I couldn’t help but tease.

“Don’t make me regret coming.” He sighed, taking a seat near me.

“I’ll leave you two be.” Mom smiled as she headed towards the door. “If either of you need anything just let me know.”

“Thank you.” Coach Murray accepted.

“So what’s up?” I asked, looking over to him. “Need something?”

“I just wanted to check on you.” He explained, taking a close look at my eye. “How do you feel?”

“Guess as good as I could.” I shrugged with a sigh.

“You’re a strong kid.” He nodded his head. “You’ll get through it.”

“Yeah?” I asked with a slightly tilt of my head.

“You better.” He teased. “You’re my starting point guard for the next two years, I need you around and healthy.”

“What about Trey?” I asked in a sigh.

“He’s a very good player.” Coach began, trying to pick his next few words carefully. “But when you get hot, well there aren’t many players that can hang with you.”

“Carter can.” I proudly bragged.

“That’s because Carter is Carter.” He tried to explain. “That boy is on a different level from anyone in this state, hell, maybe even this country.”

“Then how come he needed me to win?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“You know him better than me.” Coach shrugged. “You tell me.”

I swayed my lips from side to side as I thought it over. “He didn’t believe in himself.” I suddenly realized.

“I think so too.” Coach slowly nodded. “But he can be hard to read.”

“You’re preachin to the choir.” I teased, drawing a laugh from him.

“You were really good with those kids in your brother’s class.” Coach suddenly began as the room grew quiet.

“Nah, I was just followin Carter’s lead.” I shook my head.

“No you weren’t.” He rejected. “I’ve been working in schools for what feels like my whole life, I know a good coach when I see one.” I shrugged but fell quiet at those words. “We’ve been talking about moving the summer basketball camp I run up to Lake Michigan High this year, and I think if we do, that you and Carter should be coaches.”

“I don’t know.” I began, unsure what to say.

“Well think about it.” He instructed with a serious look. “We’re non-profit so we offer free camp to kids from the Southside. I think you’d really like it, and if you want, well you can shadow the middle school coach before it starts.”

“Alright.” I finally accepted. “If you think I’ll be good at it.”

“I know you will.” He nodded with a strong voice. “You don’t give up. Remember when I put you on the J.V. team?” He asked, but got silence once more. “You showed up to school the next day at six in the morning and practiced until I got there. Kids need a coach like you.”

“Thank you.” I accepted, fighting off a small smile. “You, you’re a great coach.”

“I’m only as good as my players.” He warned, reaching into his bag. “and speaking of my players, we all got you something.” He began as he pulled out a small protective black mask. “This is for when you get back.”

“Woh.” I exhaled as I took it from his hands. “You guys really got this for me.”

“Of course,” He nodded his head. “it doesn’t mean rush back or anything, we just want you to get better soon.”

“Thank you coach.” I felt my smile grow. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Take your time.” He sighed as he stood up. “I need you at one hundred percent.”

“Sounds good.” I accepted, following his lead and rising to my feet.

“I better get back before practice starts.” He explained reaching out his hand.

“Alright,” I exhaled, shaking his hand. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Take your time.” He warned once more as I walked him towards the door. “Or I swear I’ll call your dad in.”

“I’m so scared.” I teased as he let out laugh and walked out of the large home.

I know he may not have thought much of it, but that visit, it meant a lot to me. It showed me we’re more than a team. That he actually does believe in me. That maybe, well maybe I could actually be a good coach one day, one just like him.

--

--

As the rest of the day went on I started to feel better, even with my head pounding! Carter visited just like he had promised, and even though I was moody he still spent as much time as he could hanging out with me. I could tell he was just as worried as my mom, maybe even more! If that’s even possible! When he finally left I felt myself grow quiet once more.

“Can we talk?” Dad asked as I got ready for bed.

“Yeah.” I sighed, following him down stairs and into his office.

“So,” He began as we took seats across from one another. “I made a few calls and spoke to a few people, and you can meet David Walker next week once the bandages come off.”

I let out a deep breath, speechless from his announcement. “Is that okay?” He dug.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I shook my head. “How, how did you do it?”

“Don’t worry about that.” He dismissed. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yeah.” I quickly nodded.

“Alright,” He accepted. “then it’s set. If you want to back out at any moment, I fully understand.”

“I don’t.” I rejected. “I, I’ve been waiting for it my whole life.”

“Okay.’ He cautiously accepted.

“Thank you.” I offered, unsure what to say. “I just, I, no matter what happens, he ain’t my dad. You are.”

Walter quickly nodded his head as he heard those words. “I’m proud to have you as a son.”

“I’m proud to have you as a Dad.” I mirrored as we both stood up and he pulled me in for a hug.

I stopped thinking of David Walker as my Dad a long time ago. He became a shadow that haunted my nightmares. A shadow that abandoned me to the hell I was trapped in. Sure, my birth mother wasn’t any better, but at least she was around! She may have chosen dicks and drugs over me, but she never left. He left, and I’ll make sure that’s something he knows.