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    AquariusGuy
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction that combine worlds created by the original content owner with names, places, characters, events, and incidents that are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, organizations, companies, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Authors are responsible for properly crediting Original Content creator for their creative works.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Stories in this Fandom are works of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. <br>

TJ's journey to love - 2. Chapter 2

When my audition ended I didn’t know what to think. We had to go through 5 rounds of audition and people were removed in each round. When we finished they told the remaining performers we would hear from them soon. We had to clear the room for the next group, as I was getting my stuff, I noticed a man in the back doing the same, except he seemed more in a rush. As I stepped back into the hallway to meet mom, I saw her talking to the same man from the auditorium. When he saw me coming he hugged Mom and left. I asked her who that was and she replied just someone I know. I checked my phone and saw encouraging messages from my brothers and grandparents. I messaged them back letting them know I was finished and I wasn’t sure if it went good or bad but I made all five rounds and danced my heart out.

We soon left for the hotel where I showered and changed. Dancing under stage lights makes you unbelievably sweaty.

We had lunch at this hole in the wall Mexican restaurant called Cancun near Central Park. The food was expensive but it was the best Mexican I have had in a while. We also played tourist in New York City, everything was decorated for Christmas and it looked magical. We visited Time Square, the Hershey store (who doesn’t like chocolate) and a few other shops that mom wanted to look at. We then headed over to Rockefeller Center to visit the Nintendo store. I wanted to buy something for Beau and Grayson as Christmas was rapidly approaching. They carry things you can’t buy in local stores just here and online. Mom took me to skate at the ice rink in Rockefeller Center. That was a blast. I asked her to join me but she declined. We went back to hotel dumped our purchases and then walked around Central Park and visited the Zoo and Carousel. I hadn’t been here in a while. Dad brought me here years ago and I was surprised that such a quiet and serene place existed in the middle of the hustle and bustle of NYC.

“TJ you make me so proud. You have some much potential.” Mom gushed

“Thanks mom. What are you planning for this evening?”

“oh just a little surprise.”

We headed back to the hotel and rested for a bit, Mom said we had dinner plans at 6 pm.

We left the hotel and took the subway to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. The subway reminded me of us living in Maryland and being able to take the Metro whenever I wanted to Washington D.C. or over to Virginia. I had always wanted to go to Ruth’s Chris but we never went.

I had the Cowboy Steak Oscar style, because who doesn’t love crab cakes or asparagus.

Once we were done we took a taxi over to Broadway. Once we arrived at the theater, Mom told me we were there to see Mean Girls. It was awesome to see it on Broadway as mom and I love to watch the movie. It’s funny to think that some of the girls at my school in Maryland probably were made from plastic and behaved just like the girls in the movie. I really enjoyed the show and could see myself playing any of the characters. I think it would be funny to flip it and make it a show about gay guys because honestly we can be just as bad.

After the show ended we caught a taxi back to the hotel and packed our bags as we had an early flight.

We woke up at 6 am and went to have the buffet breakfast. I enjoyed the breakfast and I ate more than my share. We were off to the airport by 730 am. After getting through security we made our way to our gate. I put my headphones in as I didn’t want to talk. I played some music, browsed Facebook to see what my friends were up to. I really hadn’t made any friends in Ohio as I really didn’t want to be there. I didn’t fit in. The drama class was full and I was stuck with a bunch of classes I didn’t need. I took cooking classes even though I knew how to cook… why not get an easy A. The other reason I hate it was mom was shadowing the Principal. She is set to take over next year when he retires. She was the Vice Principal at my last school but not over my grade. They rotated them so they followed your class from freshman year to senior year. The school system was super happy when she applied as she was well qualified and an alumni of the school. I can’t get away with anything as the teachers have no problem telling her if I don’t participate or am missing homework.

We boarded early but sat on the tarmac for a while waiting our turn to depart.

“You know Julliard would be missing out on one of the best if they don’t accept you.”

“I really don’t want to go anywhere other than there and I don’t know what I will do if I don’t get in. Grandpa always tells me not to put all my eggs in one basket, but I for this I am.”

“I am sure you impressed the instructors as I have seen you dance. You made it through all the rounds of audition.”

“Ladies and Gentleman we have been cleared for take-off” saved by the pilot. Yeah, I know we don’t have to be quiet but mom stopped to listen and I took the opportunity to put headphones in and listen to music. Once we had started to ascend I fell asleep. I woke up as they were clearing trash.

We landed safely and mom let me drive home from the airport. It was lunch time and there was a fresh coating of snow on the ground and traffic was light. Mom hates driving in the snow and I don’t mind it. The roads were pretty clear as we head back to our home just outside Cincinnati. We stopped for lunch at Wendy’s as it was in and out with the drive through. Once I got home took my suitcase and headed up stairs to unpack and hide the gifts. I was greeted by all my posters of JC Woolery. I can’t believe I actually touched his hand and spoke to him. I will probably never see him again but I got some material for… you know what I mean.

Beau and Grayson both arrived home around 3 pm. We all go to the same school, Beau is a junior and Grayson is a freshman. They both wanted to hear all about NYC and if I saw anyone famous. I left out meeting JC as the story was embarrassing and I didn’t want them to make fun of me. Since it was Friday and winter break started next week, we sat on the couch and watched tv.

Mom said dinner would be delayed as we had company coming. Around 6 the doorbell rang. Mom asked someone to grab the door. We all looked at each other and could smell a set-up. Grayson being the youngest went to answer the door. The next thing we heard was a shout of “Grandpas!” It was then I knew my grandpa’s had made the trip up from Florida. They retired from and moved from Cleveland, Ohio to Orlando, Florida as they both hated the cold and snow. My dad was adopted by my grandpa’s at the age of 4. He had no other siblings, so the grandpa’s doted on him and then us when we were born Beau and I ran to the door and hugged them. Mom came from the kitchen and greeted them.

“Ron and Tony, it’s good to see you”

“The pleasure is ours, we miss seeing the boys and what better time to come than the holidays. I could do without the snow though.” Grandpa Ron remarked.

“You boys are looking really good. Why don’t you go get our bags from the car.” Grandpa Tony said.

“I trust our packages arrived?”

“Yes a few days ago and I hid them from the boys.”

“Excellent. I also hope you made your famous meatloaf.”

“I certainly did along with some mash potatoes, gravy and green beans.”

We had dinner and conversation centered on my audition, NYC and what the grandpa’s had been up to.

I learned at that Grandpa Ron had taken up fishing and purchased a boat and that Grandpa Tony was baking and cooking up a storm and feeding the retirement community all kinds of foods and sweets. Grandpa Tony is famous for making soul food and taught Dad how to cook and I learned from him. Not only am I great at dancing but I can whip up a whole buffet of food.

We settled in for the night and as I lay on my bed I watched the snow fall. We were supposed to get a blizzard overnight and they were calling for two feet of snow. Right before I drifted off my phone buzzed, it was my ex Sebastian.

Copyright © 2020 AquariusGuy; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction that combine worlds created by the original content owner with names, places, characters, events, and incidents that are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, organizations, companies, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Authors are responsible for properly crediting Original Content creator for their creative works.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Stories in this Fandom are works of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. <br>
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Chapter Comments

I've been thinking about this a lot and @unilive was right when he pointed out the story could be improved by a beta reader and or editor. I already sent you my comments that echoed his. There are two aspects to commenting on chapters, discussing the story and discussing the writing. Almost every comment on every story is about the story, its plot, the characters, what might happen. That is a nice conversation between readers and author and with this story everyone, including myself, have said it has potential and is promising. The other side of comments is to constructively point out improvements to writing.

I wouldn't bother too much about grammar it seems fine to me, but style by contrast has room for improvement. I still think it's rushed and lacks description, it is narrated by TJ, the protanganist, but we don't really get inside his head, we don't get close to him and his emotions. For example, you wrote: "Beau and Grayson both arrived home around 3 pm. We all go to the same school, Beau is a junior and Grayson is a freshman. They both wanted to hear all about NYC and if I saw anyone famous." You missed an opportunity for some interaction between TJ and his brothers, something which could have brought the reader more into the family, before the famous grandparents arrived.

My one main thought is slow down a little and reflect, it's a good story, you could make it better. I hope that readers who like this story a lot will not squash comments which address the writing. How else can you improve, you need to know what readers honestly think about style, not just about the story content.

  • Like 5
  On 7/9/2020 at 5:21 AM, Talo Segura said:

I've been thinking about this a lot and @unilive was right when he pointed out the story could be improved by a beta reader and or editor. I already sent you my comments that echoed his. There are two aspects to commenting on chapters, discussing the story and discussing the writing. Almost every comment on every story is about the story, its plot, the characters, what might happen. That is a nice conversation between readers and author and with this story everyone, including myself, have said it has potential and is promising. The other side of comments is to constructively point out improvements to writing.

I wouldn't bother too much about grammar it seems fine to me, but style by contrast has room for improvement. I still think it's rushed and lacks description, it is narrated by TJ, the protanganist, but we don't really get inside his head, we don't get close to him and his emotions. For example, you wrote: "Beau and Grayson both arrived home around 3 pm. We all go to the same school, Beau is a junior and Grayson is a freshman. They both wanted to hear all about NYC and if I saw anyone famous." You missed an opportunity for some interaction between TJ and his brothers, something which could have brought the reader more into the family, before the famous grandparents arrived.

My one main thought is slow down a little and reflect, it's a good story, you could make it better. I hope that readers who like this story a lot will not squash comments which address the writing. How else can you improve, you need to know what readers honestly think about style, not just about the story content.

Expand  

I think our public role as readers is to both comment on the story, plot, and character development, as well as to encourage writers.  While I don’t disagree with your observations, I believe they’re best left to private messaging with the author.

Edited by tesao
  • Like 5

The grandpas have only just walked in the door and I love them.

I want to know who that was at the audition that TJ's Mum knew?

I have to comment about the editing.

I could understand if it impacted on my ability to understand/read the story or if it interrupted the flow of the story. Believe me, I have stopped reading some stories because it is annoying to have to interpret and read it at the same time. Sometimes the story was stilted, etc. But this is not the case here. Granted, I am not great when it comes to stuff like commas, etc but I really enjoy this story and look forward to reading more. Isn't that what its all about?

Well, that was my 5 cents worth. New Zealand doesn't have two cent coins :)

 

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