I Hate This Town - 13. Chapter 13: Drinks and Nerves

Alec turned away from the bar. He turned away from the brown eyes, the sage green Henley, and dark wash jeans that fit way too well. Not that he’d been paying attention or anything. He bit his lip and wrapped his fingers around his drink glass. There were eyes on him. River’s for sure and probably the ones that he’d just broken contact with. It felt like the whole bar was staring. He lifted his head again and caught Veronica’s expression. She was smirking smugly at him, playing with the end of her ponytail. He'd tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it was now obvious she’d orchestrated this whole thing. Had she known Finn was coming in or did she somehow contact him and make an excuse as to why he should show up?

He faced River again. His friend was worried, and Alec felt a hard pang of guilt. Even thought he’d known this was going to be a bad idea, he’d given in because River had seemed so hopeful when he spoke about his mother. Who was Alec to take that from him? If he was being honest, he had selfish reasons as well. After going home for the first time in years, it’d been jarring to see himself removed. He was self-medicating. He was better than this. He’d worked hard on himself to not be the nervous wreck he was when he’d been living at home. Less than an hour back in the environment had broken him down. Pathetic. He had convinced himself he was ready. He’d told himself that nothing they said would drag him down.

His father wasn’t even the biggest obstacle. Not by far. It was like the games he and River used to play. He’d been defeated by an incredibly low-level monster. How could he hope to fight a boss battle next? Shaking himself, Alec downed the rest of his mixed drink before he swung his legs around. He was about to push himself out of the booth when he registered legs very close to his. He followed the legs up. Nice jeans, Henley, scruff. Holy hell, he had short stubble covering his jaw. Alec almost groaned aloud. That wasn’t fair. Someone besides his mother had it out for him.

“Running away again?” He grimaced at the voice and forced himself to make eye contact like the adult he was. He shrugged and the other man laughed, smiling at him with one of those smiles. The ones that used to make his stomach twist and cheeks burn. His nose scrunched as he caught his own thoughts lying to him.

Yeah, used to. They have zero effect now. Sure, Alec. Who do you think you’re kidding?

“Well, if you’d like to pause your escape, I brought a peace offering.”

Alec frowned as a small shot glass was held out. He watched River being offered one as well. River took his quickly and Alec followed. There was still unease and distrust flaring through his system, but at least rationality had won its battle against his outright panic.

“River. Long time.” Another smile. This one didn’t have as much of a punch because it wasn’t aimed at him.

“Yeah Finn. How’re things?” Alec glanced behind him. River was returning the blond’s smile and his eyes flicked to Alec. Alec’s narrowed. River raised his eyebrows and grinned. It was a challenge. He twisted back around and snatched the shot glass, downing it quickly.

Finn’s eyes widened a little and he reached around to clink his glass with River’s. Okay, so maybe he’d been a little hasty in his attempts to seem normal and unbothered by his ex-boyfriend existing in his space while being the hottest creature on the face of the earth. He was embarrassed, but he didn’t have time to freak out as River stood suddenly.

“It appears, my little blue friend, that we’re out of alcohol and I’m needed for a conversation. I will be right back.” River grinned and wiggled his fingers once he’d passed Finn.

Alec widened his eyes and tried to give a shake of his head as subtly as he could. His friend only lifted his hands up and shrugged, then turned and stepped up to the bar. He got Veronica’s attention and she was all too happy to cross to him. She was smiling and curling her hair around her fingers. Alec saw River lean across the bar, forearms braced on it. Veronica leaned forward as well, and he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as he said something. Veronica’s eyes went wide, and she stepped back, hanging her head and nodding. River grinned and said something else while producing his credit card from nowhere. She rushed away and Alec felt a little bad. River could be scary if he needed to. Alec wasn’t sure when River had developed his mean streak, but he knew it was probably his fault. River had defended both of them. Alec shook his head, studying his friend’s profile. He never would’ve made it without the other man.

“What do ya think he said, eh?”

A woodsy smell with a deeper note of something smokey reached Alec’s nose and he realized Finn was closer to him now. Much closer and he smelled as good as he looked. He was watching River like Alec was and he took the moment to study the other man. He was like a mini Milo. With blond stubble and muscles hidden in the waffle knit Henley that Alec was personally offended by. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to wear clothing. Alec stopped his thoughts and bit his lip. He needed to slow himself right down. He was thinking like a crazy person, or maybe he’d just completed his total regression to teen Alec?

No, this was different. They weren’t teenagers anymore. Finn was obviously the same person, but age had only made him better. Alec was still pondering the differences in adult and teen Finn when the other turned back to him. He smiled softly and ran fingers through his short blond hair. It wasn’t unruly as it had been in high school and it was spiked up a little. He sighed and wet his lips, finally looking at Finn again. He still wore a smile, but there was something in his eyes that made Alec’s mouth go dry.

“I-It’s hard telling with River. He could tell someone to go to hell and he’d do it in a way that made them thank him.” Alec smiled to himself, tracing the rim of his drink. He shook his head again.

“He’s different now. Way more confident.” Came the reply and Alec smiled a little more. This wasn’t as terrible as he thought it would be. He’d known that he and Finn would cross paths eventually. He’d assumed it’d be an outright, dramatic trainwreck filled with tears and shouting.

“You’re different too. I honestly thought you would literally run.” Alec watched Finn slide into the booth across from him, “The West Coast was good for you, I guess.”

“Oh yeah. It helps that our Alec is so smart.” River said as he returned and Alec stared at the tray of drinks and shot glasses that came back with him.

“He’s always been smart.” Finn shrugged and moved over to make room for River to sit beside him, “Maybe too smart for his own good.”

Alec frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Finn leaned back against the seat, grinning, “Nothing. River, I’m getting the next round.”

“Fine by me. I’m losing money being here.” River shrugged as he took a drink.

“What is it you do?” Finn asked, grabbing his own drink.

“Mm. Tattoo artist, piercer, and I’ve got some side gigs.” River shrugged.

“Side gigs?” Finn chuckled as he took a drink.

“Side gigs, yes. They involve a camera and some bad decisions.” River grinned mischievously. He glanced from Alec to Finn and then back, “What about you, Finny boy? Still working at the bakery?”

“Sometimes. My parents still insist upon running it and Milo’s there pretty often.”

“So, part time at the bakery and? You don’t look homeless so I’m assuming you still either live at home or you have an adult job.” River’s head tilted to the side and Finn laughed.

“Yeah. I’m a personal trainer. Milo and I own a gym.” Finn said.

“Why am I not even surprised?” River laughed, passing out shots.

Finn smiled and Alec returned it weakly. He was aware that he was the only one who hadn’t shared. He’d been perfectly comfortable letting the other two talk. He had faded into the background and he was embarrassed to see that a look from Finn had pulled him back into the light.

“Alec, your turn. Brag yourself up.” River smiled encouragingly.

“Uh, for a long time I handled the coding and software for a company. On site. I’m remote now and only have to commute sometimes.” Alec shrugged.

“I totally know what that entails.” Finn laughed.

“That isn’t even the best part Alec. Stop being modest, it’s gross.” River waved his hand back and forth, frowning.

Alec shrugged again, “I make decent money, and in my free time, I mess around.”

“Get on with it!” River groaned.

“Leave me alone! I’m getting there.” Alec scowled and swallowed. Finn was looking at him expectantly, “I developed, well, it’s a game really. It teaches kids how to code and program. It’s in stores now and I get a cut.”

“That’s amazing! That’d probably be about my speed. Maybe I should try it?” Finn laughed and Alec settled down a bit. Talking to Finn after all this time was strange. The last time they’d had a conversation face to face like this had been...

Alec flinched as he remembered sitting on the side of the road, watching Finn cry while he sat on the hood of his car. Alec sighed and sipped his drink. He’d been so happy with Finn. Sure, it was puppy love. They were too young to know anything different. Neither had been exposed to the real world yet. It didn’t matter. The short amount of time they spent together was still precious to him. He’d been happy when he was with Finn. With the chaos at home, Finn had been an escape. A welcome distraction from constant pain and the daily reminders that he wasn’t what his parents wanted. Then in one night, it’d all ended. He’d let it fall to pieces. Both had been so out of control that night. They could’ve handled it about a hundred different ways, but instead Finn had exploded, and Alec had been stubborn. Almost cold.

“Alright, I need a cigarette. All this reminiscing is making me itchy.” River said and Finn stood to let him out. His friend already had his lighter out and Alec watched his hands shake. River was outwardly confident, but since they’d been home, he’d already been drinking more than normal and he’d gone back to smoking. He’d been trying to quit. Alec frowned and rubbed his neck. The incident with his dad had, no doubt, been stressful for River as well. Now he had to sit by while Alec struggled to have a normal conversation with an ex. He was an adult. This was ridiculous. It’d been ten years! Finn wasn’t being rude or vicious. He’d been nothing but polite, so it made no sense for Alec to continue being a nervous wreck.

“You look good. Nervous, but still happier.” Finn was smiling at him, a soft look in his eyes, “You used to look like you were trying to crawl out of your own skin when you were younger.”

“I think I was.” Alec laughed softly, “I didn’t know who I was, or I guess I did, but my parents never approved. It was frustrating. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Except leave.” Finn said softly.

“Yeah.” Alec nodded, meeting serious brown eyes, “They ruined my life so I left.”

“Right. You back because of your mom?” Finn propped his elbow up on the table as he tilted his head back to take a drink. Alec’s gaze slipped over the column of his throat, the bob of his Adam’s apple.

“Yes. She’s pretty bad I guess.”

“Cancer, right?” Finn asked.

“Mhm, breast. Apparently, this isn’t even the first time she’s had it. My dad didn’t let me know the first time because they fought it off. It’s worse this time.” Alec sighed, slipping his fingers through the condensation on his glass.

“That’s rough. You seen her yet?” Finn glanced behind Alec. Seconds later, with a wave of cigarette odor, River returned. His hands weren’t shaking as he motioned at Finn to scoot over.

“No. I haven’t seen her.”

“Ohh, did we get personal whilst I was gone?” River joked as he looked around the table.

River had a horrible habit of saying things in a way that made Alec feel called out. He adjusted in the booth. No, that wasn’t right. River didn’t do anything. It was all how Alec perceived things and his own guilt. He took another drink. He needed to get his head right. The alcohol was probably helping, for sure. He closed his eyes and sorted through his emotions. There was some lingering pain from his parents’ house earlier, but it was fading. Now he was tense because Finn was here. What kind of tense, though? When he opened his eyes, he let them drift back over Finn. He could see River smirking at him again out of the corner of his eye. Finn was smiling at him and it made Alec’s stomach flip. It wasn’t just nerves. There was something simmering just under his skin.

“Catching up.” Finn grinned and instead of moving for River, he stood. He rubbed at his stubble and sighed, “I have somewhere to be. It was nice seeing you, River. Alec…”

Alec looked up at him and bit his lip as he waited for Finn to finish his thought. The blond shifted his weight from foot to foot and dropped his arms by his sides, “See y’all around town.”

He lifted a shoulder and then walked away. Finn’s footsteps were drowned out by the bar noise and Alec barely heard the door open and close behind him. He looked down at the half-finished drink across from him and began to process. It hadn’t been awful. Finn was still kind and polite. He was still the person Alec had fallen for. There was a noticeable change, though. It’d been ten years, he’d been expecting one, but it still felt odd. The attraction was still there, but it made Alec feel off.

“We’re here for a limited amount of time. You think it’s a good idea to make goo-goo eyes at him when you’re going to leave again?” River said quietly. It broke Alec out of his thoughts and he let out a huff of breath, “I mean don’t get me wrong, the years have been real kind to Finny boy.”

“No. It’s not a good idea. I know River.”

“You make me want to smoke cancer sticks until my lungs give out sometimes.” River let out a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. The pink strands stuck out around his head now crazily.

“I love you too.”

“Uh huh.” River tapped at his phone and rubbed his fingers over his cheekbones.

“Are we staying at your mom’s?” Alec asked, desperate to change the subject.

“If you want to. I did ask and she’s cool with it. Said she’d make us breakfast and everything.” River smiled slowly, eyes still on his phone.

“Am I going to meet whoever’s making you smile? Cause it isn’t me and I doubt it’s your mom.” Alec grinned, poking his toe against River’s shin.

“Depends, am I gonna meet your backbone this decade?” Alec laughed and River patted at his hair, trying to get it back in order.

“Fair.” Alec nodded.

“C’mon nerd. Let’s get out of here.”

“My baby!” River crouched a little as arms flew around his neck. Alec smiled softly to himself as he heard the smack of lips on River’s cheek.

“Let me look.” River’s mom exclaimed, holding him at arm’s length, “Well, you’re certainly…colorful and...sharp.”

Alec snicked and River laughed, “That’s accurate.”

“Alec, you come here too. I haven’t seen you for so long!” Alec stepped forward and she patted him on the shoulder.

“Hi Julie.” Alec smiled and she patted his cheek. He couldn’t remember her ever being this affectionate toward him. She used to mostly ignore him when he’d come over as a kid. Maybe River moving had made a difference.

“I heard about your mom. Terrible. You got much taller, though, Alec. Have you two eaten? I can make something up quick.” Julie said as she walked into the house, motioning for them to follow.

“I am always down for free food.” River nodded.

“Same.” Alec laughed as they followed her into the kitchen.

Later, sprawled out on River’s childhood bedroom floor, Alec struggled to sleep. His fingers slid across the blankets and he dragged his phone over. The screen temporarily blinded him and he grimaced. He tapped at the screen with his thumb and scrolled down. It’d been an unwritten rule. He’d never allowed himself to check for Finn on social media. The first profile he came across on one app seemed to be dedicated entirely to Finn’s job. There were a lot of pictures of him with other muscular people. Alec scrolled quickly past a shirtless beach pic that put entirely too much skin on display. It was practically obscene. He closed that app and went onto the next one. He paused, frozen for a second. Then, he clicked on the profile picture and bit his lip. His heart had started racing. There was Finn, of course, beaming at the camera. The picture was outside, and Finn was kneeling on the ground. On his knee, was a little blond girl. She had her small arms wrapped around his neck and was smiling at the camera the same way he was. Alec took in her white polka dot stockings, and rainbow dress. Her blond hair was up in two pigtails, and she had Finn’s eyes. Alec stared at her and then began to look between her and Finn. Back and forth. She looked just like him. Alec closed the app and tossed his phone to the side, rolling to face away from the electronic that had offended him.

He was ready for this day to be over.