A Fairy Out of Her Tale - Dear Diary - 47. Scene 47

19th January 1995

Dear Diary of Epiphanies,

I barely slept at night thinking about my step-father and the possibility he isn’t to blame for what happened. I really wish for it to be true, even if it makes me more of a cold-blood killer. I loved him. I spent most of my life with him as my father figure, being there for me when I got hurt, when my friends were playing dirty tricks on me, and when I needed someone to teach me how to manage an overly-hormonal dick.

(Seriously, he gave me the best relationship advice and the best “sex-is-a-great-friendship-affirmation-device” talk I could dream of. I’m sure my first time sleeping with my friends would’ve been a horrible catastrophe if I hadn’t shared my worries with him first.)

Bottom line is, I don’t think I’ll ever learn what really happened to him, but I’ll feel much better if I can believe he didn’t mean to hurt me. The demons must have been controlling him somehow. He loved us and he wanted us to be happy, but he couldn’t stop doing the things the demons told him to do. The demons are the only bad guys here! My step-father was innocent! And I did something horrible, but it wasn’t like I wanted to do it either!

(Not that it excuses murder. Nothing ever does. But, you know…)

Anyway, I was thinking about the things Unn told me in her minute of clarity, and I realised I never really learned much about demons or the other races we share the world with. Sure, I know merpeople live underwater, angels live mostly in the sky, demons are generally evil, shape-shifters are unreliable, and dwarves and giants are strange, strange people. But we never seemed to… care that much about what they do, what they believe, how they live… Is it a fairy thing to pretend the world beyond our forests doesn’t exist?

If that’s the case, at least I know what to blame for my fallout with Lydia…

Don’t get me wrong, I can see where we get that idea that there isn’t anything beyond the forest. We have everything we need there. Our Mother Deity, our food, our powers. Everything is for and about the forest. Before I was forced to leave, I don’t think I’d seen a shape-shifter or a merperson or a dwarf or a demon or an angel in person. I’d seen some pictures, read some stories, but nothing that prepared me to actually be here in shape-shifter land with housemates from all over the world. You witnessed all my cultural shocks. Don’t you wonder how much easier it would’ve been if I knew more about the rest of the planet?

I’m going to go back to the library. The one book it had on dwarves might not be the most trustworthy source, but maybe I can find books on all the other races. I could try to at leats find out some more basic stuff (like taboos around poop and farts, I guess) so that I know what to ask my housemates without offending them. I could even try to figure out if Kris really is a shape-shifter (because even though it’s the only thing he could logically be, I’ve never seen him pull a different face or change his facial features mid-conversation) or if there is something else he could be. A hybrid?

(I hope Kris never finds out I’m planning to unravel his secrets. I don’t think he’ll be happy about it…)

Thanks for reading!
 
It's actually Saturday now in the UK. The posting was late because I was late coming home tonight (no, I wasn't partying. I was listening to the Scottish Chamber Orchestra play Haydn, CPE Bach and Mendelssohn after my own orchestra rehearsed a Dvořák symphony). But hey, today is the one day in the week when I wasn't going to post anything, so it worked out fine...  
I need to go to bed now, because tomorrow (today??) I'll spend my day nudging Nessa to write more stuff in her diary. Here's your obligatory Patreon reminder. And here's a non-apology for being a classical music snob. Not my fault I play 5 instruments, all of which can be found in orchestras. 
(and here's another non-apology for bragging about my musical skills)
Nessa will be back on Sunday. Hope you all have a great weekend in the meantime.