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A Fairy Out of Her Tale - Dear Diary - 43. Scene 43

Aaand we're back!

17th January 1995

Dear Diary of Ugly Scars,

 

The first thing Lórant did today after taking away my breakfast tray (I have an angel butler!) was to take the bandage out of my belly and cut away the stitches. There were so many of them! It took ages, each pulling my skin and hurting for that one second that seemed a little too much.

And now they’re off and I have an ugly scar where before I had beautiful, unmarked skin. It’s not just ugly, it’s angry. A thick red-ish line, like a drawing of a toddler who can barely hold a pencil. Now with me for the rest of my life. For all my lovers to see and feel as repulsed as I am.

How can I even have lovers that way? I guess all our intimate moments will have to be with clothes on. And I’ll have to explain why and make it awkward and they’ll give up because surely they can find someone else with a prettier body who doesn’t make a fool of herself every time she opens her mouth.

What about Lydia? Will she still want to be with me when we make peace? Did she like my kisses enough to feel it’s worth having them while avoiding the rest of my body?

 

I can’t look at myself anymore. I was so pretty, so perfect, and now…

Now I have a physical, tangible mark. It’s not like losing my wings; they made it clear I had done something unforgivable, but they didn’t change my looks. If someone like Lydia didn’t mind being in the company of a criminal, I could go along with it.

But a scar? Who wants to deal with that?

What are the chances I’ll find someone who is both willing to overlook my crimes and willing to overlook my ugly body?

 

Maybe I should just forget about having a love life. That’s Mother Deity’s punishment to me. I’ll be alone and ugly and cast out for the rest of my days to pay for what I did. I guess it’s fair enough.

 

I suppose I can say that on the bright side, I can now explore the whole house on my own and not be afraid that the stairs are going to make the scar even worse.

Unless they can make the scars even worse? Is that possible?

 

I’m going to the kitchen. Lóránt strongly implied that the fridge has been recently re-stoked with enough desserts to give diabetes to everyone here many times over. I’ll see how many tubs of ice cream I can eat before I feel my self-image is even more ruined.

Talk to you later? Unless I die of sugar overdose?

(At least it’s not a bad way to die. Better than killed by demons…)

Thanks for reading!

Sorry I ended up taking a whole week to show my face again. At least now I'm mostly recovered from the unexpected sickness (save the odd cough or two). And, as a thank you gift for your patience, I plan to post a new scene almost every day of this week. We'll have updates Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday, and then next week we return to the normal posting schedule as if nothing had happened.

Nice, isn't it?

But you know what would be even nicer? To get a few more people supporting me on Patron! I'm sure you want to! *wink wink nudge nudge*

(or maybe it would be nicer to skip the shameless self-promotion???)

Copyright © 2018 James Hiwatari; All Rights Reserved.
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I have had stitches removed from my head, they're a bitch!

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I've had stiches in my head as well as other places, when the ones in my head were taken out for the 5th time I was grateful that they were out, even though I have a scar running from the middle of my neck and halfway up the back of my head. I hope that the scar she has will go down with time. She should be grateful that she has a decent place to live as well as meals provided by Lorant as well as being able to have the meals brought up to her room. I hope that with time she'll be able to have a relationship with someone possibly even Lydia although that is going to take a lot of work on her part. Great chapter, I'm looking forward to reading more during the week. 

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On 4/16/2018 at 11:16 PM, Wesley8890 said:

I have had stitches removed from my head, they're a bitch!

I had stitches removed from my head as a toddler (I have a tiny "v"-shaped scar on my forehead), but I don't remember it. I do remember having stitches taken out of my knees and under my belly-button after surgeries. It's definitely not the most comfortable thing to do to one's body...  

 

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On 4/17/2018 at 3:58 AM, Butcher56 said:

I've had stiches in my head as well as other places, when the ones in my head were taken out for the 5th time I was grateful that they were out, even though I have a scar running from the middle of my neck and halfway up the back of my head. I hope that the scar she has will go down with time. She should be grateful that she has a decent place to live as well as meals provided by Lorant as well as being able to have the meals brought up to her room. I hope that with time she'll be able to have a relationship with someone possibly even Lydia although that is going to take a lot of work on her part. Great chapter, I'm looking forward to reading more during the week. 

I have plenty of scars too, and I quite like them, though most a tiny from key-hole surgeries. The only properly big one I have is one on my back from a not-quite heart surgery as a baby. Even now it's this big line cutting across more than half my back. 

But Nessa and I don't share the same opinion about scars. And it's sometimes hard to feel grateful for things we have when we believe to be missing something else that's important. 

I'm glad you liked this little scene, and I hope you get to enjoy the story for a long time still. :D 

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I suppose I am fortunate that the only real scars are from an appendectomy, but I have a number of broken bones that have set crooked starting from when I was a newborn and my aunt squeezed me enough to leave greenstick fractures in several ribs. S another example, I have a toe that was broken in a slip on some icy steps which I have ignored for much of my life until I moved to Brazil. Here everyone takes their shoes off when they come into the house and when they go outside they wear sandals and I have had several people ask me about the misalignment of my toes/ Its no big deal really, but does require a moment's explanation every time someone notices it.

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11 hours ago, Will Hawkins said:

I suppose I am fortunate that the only real scars are from an appendectomy, but I have a number of broken bones that have set crooked starting from when I was a newborn and my aunt squeezed me enough to leave greenstick fractures in several ribs. S another example, I have a toe that was broken in a slip on some icy steps which I have ignored for much of my life until I moved to Brazil. Here everyone takes their shoes off when they come into the house and when they go outside they wear sandals and I have had several people ask me about the misalignment of my toes/ Its no big deal really, but does require a moment's explanation every time someone notices it.

Where do you live in Brazil (the "Mata Atlântica" of your profile is not exactly specific...)? I've never seen a "take your shoes off when coming into the house" as a rule that everybody follows, but more like "I take my shoes off in my house because walking around barefoot is more comfortable, but only if I feel like it, and not usually at somebody else's house" type of thing. Maybe a regional variation? :o

If you speak Portuguese you're one step closer from understanding Nessa's mother language! :P 

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True, Mata Atlantica is not very specific - it is a strip of Bahia that lies between the Atlantic Coastal sands and grasses and the tropical forest which is further inland. To locate our property start at Salvadore and drive about 90clicks North along the coastline on Highway 100 then turn inland through Camacari and on perhaps 5clicks more. There is an area there where a developer has dammed up several small rivers forming finger lakes with hills to each side, We own a plot of land of about 4hectares spread across a hillside of one of those lakes.

The reason I call the area the Mata Atlantica is that while it is legally a part of Bahia, the word Bahia carries a connotation of tropical rainforest to many people and our property is not the big trees with Tarzan swinging on vines that many people think of when you mention the common name for the area. Our house is located on the hillside marking the edge of the river/lake which points at the rising sun. The lake upon which we live runs nearly East-West. From my bedroom, I watch as the rising sun comes directly into my window. Yes, I go to sleep early, perhaps 8 pm and wake up at around 5 am, This is because our field hand goes to work early to miss the heat of the day. While it is not tropical here, the daytime temperatures are about 80℉ this time of year - Spring - and the sunshine is quite strong.

So far as I know the dirt road that cuts our property in half does not even have a name and we do not have an official address here. We have to have mail delivered to General Delivery at the Post Office in Camacari. On our side of the road, in addition to the house, there is a stable with one horse, a barn with a family of goats and two cows, a chicken house with one hen and a rooster with a cracked voice, five guinea fowl of indeterminate sex but no babies so they must be all male or all female (you have to be a guinea fowl to be able to tell one from the other) and a kennel currently occupied by a mother and three remaining babies. She had ten pups but we have found homes for all but three. I accuse Jose, my partner of keeping a zoo on the property.

On the uphill side of the road, there is a large pasture for the horse and two cows.

Okay, now you know all about my estancia. Any questions?

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5 minutes ago, Will Hawkins said:

True, Mata Atlantica is not very specific - it is a strip of Bahia that lies between the Atlantic Coastal sands and grasses and the tropical forest which is further inland. To locate our property start at Salvadore and drive about 90clicks North along the coastline on Highway 100 then turn inland through Camacari and on perhaps 5clicks more. There is an area there where a developer has dammed up several small rivers forming finger lakes with hills to each side, We own a plot of land of about 4hectares spread across a hillside of one of those lakes.

The reason I call the area the Mata Atlantica is that while it is legally a part of Bahia, the word Bahia carries a connotation of tropical rainforest to many people and our property is not the big trees with Tarzan swinging on vines that many people think of when you mention the common name for the area. Our house is located on the hillside marking the edge of the river/lake which points at the rising sun. The lake upon which we live runs nearly East-West. From my bedroom, I watch as the rising sun comes directly into my window. Yes, I go to sleep early, perhaps 8 pm and wake up at around 5 am, This is because our field hand goes to work early to miss the heat of the day. While it is not tropical here, the daytime temperatures are about 80℉ this time of year - Spring - and the sunshine is quite strong.

So far as I know the dirt road that cuts our property in half does not even have a name and we do not have an official address here. We have to have mail delivered to General Delivery at the Post Office in Camacari. On our side of the road, in addition to the house, there is a stable with one horse, a barn with a family of goats and two cows, a chicken house with one hen and a rooster with a cracked voice, five guinea fowl of indeterminate sex but no babies so they must be all male or all female (you have to be a guinea fowl to be able to tell one from the other) and a kennel currently occupied by a mother and three remaining babies. She had ten pups but we have found homes for all but three. I accuse Jose, my partner of keeping a zoo on the property.

On the uphill side of the road, there is a large pasture for the horse and two cows.

Okay, now you know all about my estancia. Any questions?

That's how to go from "not very specific" to "I can find your house on Google maps if I try". Nice one! :)

I'm just happy to find other people who know something about Brazil in unexpected places. FYI, I'm from the opposite end of the country, so there's definitely plenty of cultural differences from our corners of the world. 

I don't do Fahrenheit, but I've lived in Brazil long enough to know what the Northeast is like this time of the year. Though it's a bit of a stretch to call it "Spring", isn't it? When you get that close to the equator there aren't 4 seasons anymore... 

And I find it interesting that people would associate Bahia with rainforest. From our end of the country the whole of the Northeast is seen as either beaches or desert (though anyone who's paid attention to Geography classes knows it's not that clear-cut). 

But it sounds like you live in a lovely place. I don't like heat and sunshine (which is why I love Scotland), but I know most people somehow like it... 

How long have you been in Brazil? Did you move because of your partner? 

(See, more questions!) 

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No, I moved from the Seattle, Washington area to Bazil in 2008 because of money. I was retired and living on Social Security, Retirement Income and rents paid by students with whom I shared a large house. With the financial problems of that time, I was unable to make the house payments and had to sell all my possessions and move to someplace where my restricted income could support me. Jose was living in an apartment on the beach in Salvador at that time, but he wanted to build a house so I moved to Brazil to add my income to his and we together bought this property. Using our combined incomes he started to build our house and we moved into it together in an uncompleted state. He has continued to build on the property and now the house is about 80-90% complete.

Right now he is visiting family back in Portugal and will return in mid-November. We have a farm hand and his son living in and taking care of me and the other animals while he is away. Life is not perfect though even at 85 I am in good health - sort of - just a few minor ailments. But I have all my teeth and all my hair, no known deadly diseases and most of my brain, so I am hangin' in there.

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40 minutes ago, Will Hawkins said:

No, I moved from the Seattle, Washington area to Bazil in 2008 because of money. I was retired and living on Social Security, Retirement Income and rents paid by students with whom I shared a large house. With the financial problems of that time, I was unable to make the house payments and had to sell all my possessions and move to someplace where my restricted income could support me. Jose was living in an apartment on the beach in Salvador at that time, but he wanted to build a house so I moved to Brazil to add my income to his and we together bought this property. Using our combined incomes he started to build our house and we moved into it together in an uncompleted state. He has continued to build on the property and now the house is about 80-90% complete.

Right now he is visiting family back in Portugal and will return in mid-November. We have a farm hand and his son living in and taking care of me and the other animals while he is away. Life is not perfect though even at 85 I am in good health - sort of - just a few minor ailments. But I have all my teeth and all my hair, no known deadly diseases and most of my brain, so I am hangin' in there.

That is pretty amazing. Keep hanging in there! :D 

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