The Cockney Canuck - 34. Chapter 34 Sexy Shades

I must have tried on at least fifty different pairs of sunglasses that day at the mall before Nathan finally decided on the pair that I should buy. This wasn’t the way that I was used to doing things; I was a ‘buy the first pair that I liked the look of and get out of there quick,’ kind of guy. I didn’t like to make a fuss or waste too much time over something that I saw as not being very important. I couldn’t remember ever owning a pair of sunglasses anyway; not much need for them in England. People only wear them to protect their eyes from the glare of the sun, right. I put this question to Nathan.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said as he switched one pair for another before taking a step back to study my face with a critical expression. “Sunglasses are a fashion accessory; you wear them to be noticed.”

“I don’t really want to be noticed,” I said, a statement which ironically fell on deaf ears.

“Smile,” he said, and I gave him a huge grin. “Not that much…okay that’s better…now with some attitude, good, make it sexy…oh yeah that’s cute.”

I could hear Daniel laughing behind me.

“Doesn't he look a little bit like James Dean?” said Nathan, turning to his friend Ginny, who stood off to one side, arms folded, with a face that screamed boredom.

“A very little,” she replied begrudgingly. It was clear that she wanted to move on. I had more chance of getting a bacon sandwich at a Bar mitzvah than a compliment from Ginny.

I had never even heard of James Dean, but Nathan seemed to mention his name quite a bit, so I was guessing that he was from a boy band or a teen celebrity of some sort. I didn’t want to look stupid, so I didn’t ask. Boy bands and pop music weren’t really my cup of tea, but they seemed to play a big part in Nathan’s life, and I wondered if I should start brushing up on my knowledge a little.

Nathan was like a whirlwind and if we were going to be friends or maybe even something more than that, then it was going to be difficult for me to keep up with him. I was only fifteen, not even old enough to vote or buy a pack of cigarettes, but already I was feeling a little past it as far as the latest trends, fashions and music were concerned. Nathan was the trendiest person I had ever met and I was sure that he wouldn’t want a boyfriend who held him back by being outdated.

‘Why am I worrying about such trivial things? He’s not even my boyfriend…I kissed him twice on the lips, but they were very quick kisses, not long and lingering or anything. We didn’t snog each other. It probably meant nothing to him.’

To me, though, it meant everything. It was the single most important thing in the world to me at that time, and the way that he fussed over me made me giddy with excitement. My eyes followed his every movement and expression as if each one were a work of art, and when he touched me, it was the warmest, most delicate touch imaginable but charged with enough raw energy to light up Blackpool Tower.

He handed the sunglasses to the young female sales assistant for me to purchase. She seemed a little bemused by it all and perhaps a tad overwhelmed by Nathan’s exuberant personality. I loved it, I hadn't seen him like this before; he was like a showman, playing to an audience that adored him and it was all done for me. I found him enthralling, charming and funny, but there was also an element of innocence and a certain vulnerability to his character, which made him fallible. This was a big part of his appeal, and it made me want to love him even more.

It was difficult for me to believe that this very talented boy, who had been blessed with untold beauty and personality, had somehow been overlooked.

‘Why isn’t he in Hollywood? He should be making movies or starring in his own TV series. At the very least, he should be a model’.

I was convinced that if anyone connected with show business were to stumble upon him, then he would be signed up on the spot and become the next teenage sensation. He was an entertainer who belonged on a stage or in front of a camera, where he could make people laugh or break into dance, which he seemed to do whenever the opportunity arose. He was doing this the first time that I saw him at the bus stop. He was wearing headphones and dancing as if he were in a crowded nightclub instead of a nearly empty bus shelter. He didn’t care that I was watching him, I think he enjoyed it, performing for me like the showman that he was. Even then, I knew that he was special; he had a kind of aura about him that is difficult to explain. The French would say that he had a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi. An undefined quality that set him apart from others. He had a presence about him that made you believe that you were in the company of someone special and it was totally natural, no one can teach you this and no amount of money can buy it.

* * * * *

The afternoon at the mall proved to be more of a lesson in self-control than a shopping experience, and it was clear that this had been so much more than simply helping a friend choose a pair of sunglasses. His looks, his body language, the way he touched me and even the things that he said all seemed to be a part of some kind of game that he was playing. Maybe I was supposed to understand the subliminal messages that he was sending, and judging by the state of play in my pants, maybe I did understand.

He had got very close to me at times, studying my eyes and face and even playing with my hair to achieve the right look. Now my mouth was dry, and I was feeling dizzy, as if intoxicated by his lush aroma. It was agony, being that close to someone so attractive without being able to reach out and hold him, or better still, kiss him.

It was a new experience for me; before that day, I really had no idea just how erotic buying a pair of sunglasses could be. I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to go shopping with him for something a little more personal, like underwear, swimming shorts or even Speedos, God forbid. The possibilities were endless, and I had to concede that no one I had ever met had had this kind of impact on me or caused me to feel so dreamy, goofy, and so bloody horny all the time!

I decided to take Nathan’s advice and buy the sunglasses that he had spent so much time and effort choosing for me. He had wasted a good hour of his day and I felt almost obligated in the end to accept his choice, even if they were a little feminine for my taste. I was hot and flushed as I paid the young sales assistant the twenty dollars that they cost. She smiled sweetly at me, and I was certain that she thought we were boyfriends. It would have been easy to draw that conclusion from the way that he had been acting around me, never missing an opportunity to brush up against me, flash a sexy smile my way, or hold eye contact for just that bit longer than was necessary. He was hitting on me big time; Ginny noticed it and wasn’t amused, but I loved every minute.

“You’ll get used to him,” said Daniel. He can get a little overexcited at times, but he’s only fooling around. Just tell him to knock it off if it bothers you.”

I was standing next to Daniel, high on affection, with bright red cheeks and a permanent soppy grin.

‘Do I look as if I’m bothered’?

Daniel’s choice of words bothered me more; it sounded as if he already knew of my intentions.

‘It’s the only time he’s visited in three months; I hardly see anything of him; why would I need to get used to him’?

“It’s cool,” I said. I like Nathan. He makes me laugh, and he has an addictive personality.” I failed to mention that he also sent my body temperature into orbit and made it impossible for me to exercise any kind of control over that thing that was supposed to dangle between my legs but now seemed to stick out at a permanent right angle.

“Just warning you, he can be a bit embarrassing at times,” said Daniel.

“I’ll remember that.”

‘The next time he tries to kiss me’.

I had tried to divert the conversation by showing him the sunglasses that I had just bought.

“What do you think?” I said. “Not bad for twenty bucks, huh.”

“It was so funny,” said Daniel. "I would have paid that money just to watch it.”

After picking up his new game, Daniel had only one thing on his mind: to get home and start playing it, preferably with his old gaming companion Nathan. It seemed like a good idea to me. Two hours in the mall with this kid was excessive by anyone’s standards. He was also getting far too much attention for my liking from boys and girls alike, and I saw a few watching him with interest.

‘Am I becoming jealous already? Am I even allowed to be jealous at this stage? He’s not my boyfriend. This is really weird. I think I’ve developed a crush on him. No, this is much more than a crush; I’m infatuated.’

Nathan had been brutally honest with his friend Ginny, telling her that he had already arranged to spend the day at Daniel’s house, but she didn’t look too happy with the idea of leaving him in our hands for the rest of the afternoon. When it was time to catch our bus, she had other ideas and dragged Nathan off in another direction to show him a leather jacket or something that she was certain he would love.

Ginny was clearly unhappy at the way Nathan was fussing over me. She must have known that he liked me; it wasn’t that difficult to work out, and she was making it obvious that she didn’t approve. It was as if she was constantly trying to compete with me for his attention and I mentioned this to Daniel as we waited for them to return.

“She’s fucking crazy, man,” he said. “She hates me because we’re close, and she’s always trying to turn him against me. She’ll see you as a threat, too, and try to stop you from being his friend. Whenever I see him lately, she’s always there, like today, she won’t even allow him to go shopping with us; she has to show up all of a sudden. I swear she has him fucking tagged.”

I was under the impression that we had bumped into her by coincidence, but I hadn't heard him speak about anyone with that much anger before, and he rarely, if ever, swore, so I didn’t contest his verdict.

“Nathan gets a lot of attention, and she latches on to him because it makes her look cool when she really isn’t. She acts like she’s his personal bodyguard or something and tries to run his life.”

“Why doesn't he tell her where to get off?” I said.

“He puts up with her because he feels sorry for her—she has a lot of issues—but she smothers him, and he doesn't like it. He can’t see that she’s using him; it’s not as if she’s a fun person to have around either.” I had to agree; Ginny had less life in her than a million-year-old fossil.

“That’s why he’s never had a boyfriend,” he said, “She won’t allow it.”

“Really?”

‘We’ll see about that’!

* * * * *

That afternoon as the boys were busy playing the new game, I kept to my plan of fixing up Daniel’s old bike that he had let me have. I occasionally played on the Xbox or PS3, but I wasn’t a hardcore gamer like them. Nathan did his best to persuade me, but I was worried about what Don and Sue might think. It was accepted that Daniel would want to spend time with his best friend, especially as they hadn't seen each other for a while, but I thought that it might raise a few eyebrows if I were seen hanging around too much. Besides that, Daniel obviously needed a bit of alone time with his mate to repair some of the damage that Ginny had done, and I didn’t want to get in the way of this.

It was obvious that they had known each other for a long time, and I enjoyed listening to the pair of them interact as I set about repairing the bike on the patio outside the family room. That way I was able to work in the sunshine and try out my new sunglasses. I could hear their constant banter and laughing through the screen door, but in the bright sunlight, it was impossible for me to see into the darkened basement. I knew, however, that they would be able to see me quite clearly, so I decided spontaneously to treat my pale torso to some rare sunlight and put on a little show for Nathan. It went against the grain for me to want to take my shirt off, and it wasn’t quite warm enough for me either, but I found the idea exciting enough to take the plunge. With no one else in sight, I pulled my t-shirt off over my head and went to work in just my shorts and socks. I knew that this wouldn’t go unnoticed by Nathan, and within minutes, he responded with a wolf whistle, followed by a comment on the sexy shades, as he called them. It was the second time in two days that I had shown him my body and it gave me a thrill, knowing that a boy that cute actually enjoyed looking at me.

As shy as I normally was about taking my clothes off, I would have happily walked around naked for Nathan that day if he had asked me and if we had been on our own.

I spent a couple of hours repairing the bike, but there wasn’t much wrong with it. The brakes needed adjusting, and one of the inner tubes needed to be repaired, but other than that, it was fine. After clipping on the front, and back lights that I had bought during the week, it was ready to be put back to use with a journey to Fran’s house that evening. The plan was to leave it there and get the bus with her back to the mall again to watch a movie and then do the reverse on the way home. It had seemed like a good idea the night before while she was impaling herself on my dick and using my bed as a trampoline, but that was before Nathan turned up at the door, and now I was struggling to find any enthusiasm for my impending date. I had contemplated calling Fran to cancel, telling her that I was ill, but I knew that this would only cause more problems and I would probably be found out.

I had deliberately left my shirt out on the patio before opening the screen door, removing my sunglasses and bracing myself for the walk past Nathan. This was becoming as much fun for me as it was for him, and I took my time strolling towards the bedroom. It was very different from the way that I had acted the day before when he turned up unexpectedly.

“Did you fix it?” asked Daniel, and I used this as an excuse to stop halfway and turn towards them.

“Yeah, it’s done,” I said. Nathan had been sitting cross-legged on the floor and he paused the game and stood up to stretch his legs. He had a silly grin on his face, and his eyes were fixed on my bare skin.

‘I’m such a dreadful tease’.

“Cool,” said Daniel, “now we can go for a ride together.”

“Okay, tomorrow, if it’s sunny,” I said.

“Can I come?” said Nathan, looking me in the eyes.

“Of course, do you ride a lot, Nathan?” His eyes lit up with the challenge, and Daniel shook his head as if to say, ‘Don’t encourage him.’

“I used to go with Daniel quite a bit when we were younger.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Hey,” said Daniel, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t do it much these days,” said Nathan, “If I do it a lot now, I get a sore ass.”

"You're probably pushing yourself too hard. You need to go slower and pace yourself. It's more enjoyable that way. I know what I'm talking about."

I smiled at Nathan as he fanned his face with a place mat.

* * * * *

He had told me that he would be going home at four, but it was closer to five when Nathan walked into the bedroom, in one of their few moments of separation, Daniel had gone upstairs to grab some food, to keep them going and I was sitting at my desk, on the internet. I had decided not to bother putting my t-shirt back on, knowing what effect this would have on Nathan and conscious of the fact that I would need to shower anyway, before leaving for my date with Fran.

“Hi sexy, what are you doing?” he said.

“Just checking on the football scores from England,” I spun my chair around to face him and I could see him immediately eyeballing my chest again. It was nothing that he hadn't seen before and I smiled at him as his eyes came slowly up to meet mine.

“Don’t let me stop you,” he said, and I turned back to face the screen as he stood as close as he could to the side of my chair. “We’re gonna have a couple more games and then call it a day,” he said. “I feel bad for leaving you out, you can still join us if you want.”

“It’s not a problem,” I said, “I don’t feel left out. I have to go somewhere soon anyway, it’s already been arranged and I can’t get out of it.”

“No big deal,” he said, “We can always hang out another time.”

“Anytime you want, Nathan, except for tonight, that is.”

“Are you going anywhere nice?”

‘I think he already knows, maybe Daniel’s told him’.

“Just to the cinema.” I could see his face drop ever so slightly as he worked it out, and it made me feel bad. “To see a film.”

“No kidding, can you do that at the cinema?”

“What…oh yeah, sorry, that was a stupid thing to say, I guess.”

We both laughed, and he leaned over the desk next to me, resting on his elbows to look at the monitor.

“So what’s your team?” he asked, looking at the list of results from earlier that day.

“Arsenal,” I said, “they're one of the London teams, not too far from where I used to live.”

“Cool,” he said, “they must be good, they're at the top.”

“It’s in alphabetical order, Nathan.”

“Oh…but they did win, though.”

“Yeah,” I said, “they won today. Tom will be happy.”

“Who’s Tom,” he asked, “is he your buddy?”

“Yes, how did you know?” I couldn’t recall ever mentioning Tom to Nathan.

“I don't know. It makes sense, I suppose. I mean, you obviously had friends over there. Do you miss him?

“Yeah, Tom was cool; he was my best friend for years; I stayed at his house when my mom was in hospital. I was gonna call him today, but I forgot, and it’s too late now, maybe tomorrow.”

“You two were really close, huh?”

“Yeah, we were really good mates. We did everything together.” I didn’t mean to say it like that, even though it was true, and I made myself blush. I wanted to continue, but I was distracted by the feeling of Nathan’s sweet breath on my neck as he turned towards me and whispered in my ear.

“Was he your boyfriend?”

If anyone else had said that to me, I would have been angered by that assumption and denied it with venom, but Nathan talked as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He even made it sound kind of sexy and provocative, and that’s exactly how it had been with Tom. When I turned my head to face him, Nathan was close enough for me to lean forward and kiss him with little effort, and it took all of the willpower that I possessed to resist the temptation.

‘Why does he always have to get so close to me?’

I was nervous again but couldn’t look away, so I stared into his slightly open mouth, his teeth fascinated me, they looked too perfect to be real. Then they were gone, concealed by those big, shapely lips as they pressed them together. I had a brief taste of those yesterday and now I was longing for more. I was gone for a good few seconds, out for the count, in a world of my own, imagining how it would feel to have Nathan’s lips wrapped around the top of my dick. I pictured him looking up at me with the most exquisite look of lust on his sexy face.

“Are you okay?” asked Nathan.

“Yes, keep going,” I said.

“Keep going where?”

“Huh, oh, sorry, I was daydreaming.”

“You keep doing that. Were you thinking about Tom?” He smiled naughtily and poked his tongue out at me. It was too much to resist.

“No, I was thinking about you,” I said as I leaned towards him and gently pressed my lips against his. I saw him close his eyes just before contact, and he tilted his head as he pushed his face hard against mine. It was a lot more forceful than the day before and it had already lasted longer. I could feel his tongue touching mine, and I moaned as he pushed it into my mouth. His hand was holding the back of my head and I responded likewise as we mashed our lips together. I sucked on his tongue, and I could hear him whimper with pleasure.

Then we both jumped back quickly at the sound of Daniel running downstairs. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and went back to the football scores, cursing Daniel’s poor sense of timing. I could taste Nathan’s saliva when I licked my lips, but I avoided looking at him as Daniel bounded into the room, unaware of how close he had been to catching his older brother kissing his best friend. It sounded a lot freakier than it was, but it was still obvious to me just how dangerous this potential relationship was for the both of us.

“Are you ready to have your ass whooped again, Nathan?” said Daniel excitedly.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Nathan replied, standing up and rolling his eyes. “Excuse me Robbie, but Daniel wants to do something to my ass, we won’t be long.”

“Think you're funny, huh,” said Daniel, and he stood behind Nathan and reached around his friend, pulling his arms behind his back. “Just because you're gay doesn't mean I can’t beat you up if I want.”

“Daniel, if you wanna have sex with me, why don’t you just ask? There’s no need to tie me up every time.”

“But I thought you liked that, Nathan.”

I was laughing at their antics; they were good together, fitting like a glove. I hadn't seen Daniel as talkative or as loud as he was that afternoon in the three and a half months that I had shared a room with him. Daniel marched his friend into the family room to resume their game and they disappeared from view. Then, I heard a yell followed by laughter.

“Ah, you pervert, that hurt,” said Daniel.

“You deserved it,” replied Nathan, and he laughed.

“He just squeezed my balls,” said Daniel, and he walked into the bedroom doubled up covering his injured package with both hands. Then Nathan appeared in the doorway, smiling at me.

“I’m never going to wash this hand again,” he said.

* * * * *

I was beginning to believe that none of this was real, but it definitely wasn’t a dream, so it had to be some kind of cruel joke. It just seemed too good to be true that a boy like Nathan could be attracted to someone like me and would want to spend his Saturday with me, trying on pairs of sunglasses and fooling around indoors. Okay, he came over to see Daniel—officially—anyway, but I knew better.

I stopped believing in fairytales years ago, and after living through the pain of losing my mom, I became hard-nosed and cynical. I didn’t believe in happy endings; they only happened in the movies or in books that I had read. They didn’t exist in the real world, no more than Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny.

I tried to remain realistic, to cushion the blow for when something inevitably went wrong, as it always did, but every time I relaxed, I was back in that candy-coated world where anything was possible. I found Nathan’s spirit irrepressible, and each time I tried to dampen the fire inside me with negative thoughts of how it couldn’t work, he was able to re-kindle it with no more than a simple look or smile. Those smiles were different from the ones he gave to other people and his look was so much more intense when directed at me.

Despite Nathan’s exaggerated claims of being the only gay teenager in town, I still couldn’t understand why he didn’t already have a boyfriend. I knew that there had to be plenty of gay boys his age in Cobourg or nearby. Nathan was out to everyone, which would surely have made him more approachable to boys like me, who were too frightened to reveal their sexuality. It wasn’t as if he kept a low profile either, he had admirers from both sexes, gay and straight. It seemed almost unbelievable that he had managed to slip through the net and make it to the grand old age of nearly fifteen without being spotted and pinned down by some amorous teenage gay boy…like me.

I came to the conclusion that if this wasn’t a trick, then I had to be super lucky to have stumbled upon him before anyone else. It suddenly felt, as if I had found the world’s most precious jewel, sitting amid a pile of rocks. If I were able to pick him up and carry him off, it would likely be the steal of the century, but if I left him there a minute longer, then he would surely be gone. Snapped up by the next gay boy who bumped into him. I already had one hand on the prize and it felt as if I was so close now to finding something that I never believed existed, only a fool would pass up such an opportunity.

Maybe this would be my one and only chance in this life to be truly happy; I couldn’t imagine anyone being fortunate enough to be allowed two bites of this apple.

After spending the best part of a day in the company of my new superstar friend, I decided to finally drop my guard and not only accept the advances of this adorable boy but return them with interest. I wasn’t going to throw away any more chances or waste any more time trying to make something work with Fran that was inherently flawed from the very beginning. It was abundantly clear to me now that Nathan was the pinnacle, and I would never be able to find anyone comparable to him. If this wasn’t enough to make me want to be true to myself, then I may as well give up altogether and find a corner somewhere where I can hide away for the rest of my miserable life behind someone like Fran.

Then, I would no doubt wake up every morning knowing that it could have been different had I taken that one positive step forward and not shied away at the last moment, scared of something that might not ever happen. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me, so I decided that I would end my relationship with Fran that night. I would explain everything to her calmly and honestly, telling her everything, even about Tom. Once she had all the evidence in front of her, I was sure that she would be able to understand, and we could go our own way amicably.