Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 5. Entry 5

Thursday

Ok, talk about out of the blue!

Cindy Mullen . . .

Where did this one come from? I don’t share any classes with her and I don’t really remember her from Jr. High School, but she said she remembered me. That’s ALWAYS awkward - when someone remembers and knows you, but you have no idea who they are!

Oh, I mean she’s pretty enough! I mean, I’m still normally hormonal enough to notice tits like her’s! Good lord! To think she’s still developing too! Sheesh!

Anyways, out of the blue she comes up to me in the Library and is all, like “Hey, Brandon! We were thinking about going to Tower Beach this weekend if the weather holds out! Did you want to come?”

‘Uh…what?’ That must have been the look I was giving her because I couldn’t even manage to squeeze words out for ‘Yay’ or ‘Nay’ as any kind of answer!

“Hehehehe! Leanne told us what you did for Jamie last night and, well…it would be so nice if you’d…like to come with us! You’re such a good friend!” She filled me in, then, on how - me, Cindy, Beach, Going to - fit together and how we got to this bizarre request from nowhere!

Grrrr, Jamie! This had to be his doing! He is bound and determined to drag me into his ‘90210’ popularity contest or be damned in the trying!

“Uh…I uh. I’d love to, er…Cindy, but…I’ve got a dentist appointment.” I couldn’t have come up with something more plausible or cool? Everyone knows dentists don’t have appointments on frigging weekends!

“Oh, um…ok. Maybe next time?” Cindy looked so hopeful! I don’t even like the beach!

“Um…sure. Ok!” I lied. AAARGH!

She went away looking a little disappointed. Here we go with the ‘Brandon as Disappointment’ theme again! I hope this doesn’t make any backlash for me! The Populars do not like being refused anything!

After that, I thought I’d have some peace. It was the Library after all! Too bad the new librarian doesn’t give a crap like the last one did! Everyone can talk as much as they like with this new one!

Including…Jimmy!

“Hey, Brandon!” He walked up on me just as Cindy was leaving, so I’m sure he heard the whole thing! Knowing now that he’s actually Out and talking to me after me brushing off, possibly, one of the sexiest girls in the Ninth Grade cannot look good to prying eyes! I hate being under surveillance!

“Hey, Jimmy. How are you doing?” I asked that since I’d not, really, had much of a chance to talk to him since his…deal.

“Much better! I’m so, like, ‘wow’ at everybody! Everyone’s being so nice to me! What is that all about?” For the first time ever I saw Jimmy smile and chuckle! Looks like he really is doing better! Jimmy has a beautiful smile. I admit, I stared a little too long at that particular long awaited sunrise! Especially, since he left me with what I’d come to regard as a suicide note in music! He seemed light years from that dark place those songs talked about.

“Jimmy, folks were horrified around here! You scared most of us! I’m not going to say that you even made the Jock Goons think twice about their bullying, but then I know for a fact that they aren’t worth anything close to what they think they are worth!” I said to him. I’d felt so guilty seeming to cause the situation that started the Jock bullying in earnest against poor Jimmy.

“Yeah. I get that now. It was the loneliness that was the worst part. But, I found a good friend and he’s been by my side through all of this. Billy is an angel! He really is!” The way Jimmy said that was with stars in his eyes!

My gosh! I may have a serious rival for Billy’s affections in Jimmy!

But, if anything, Billy earned those starlit eyes! I knew he’d been visiting Jimmy regularly, but I never really thought about the impression that might have on Jimmy. Of course, when you think about it, Billy may very well be what saved Jimmy’s life!

My Billy is indeed an angel! The more I learn about him…the more I love him!

“Billy is…one of a kind! That’s for sure!” I said, not trying to give too much away.

“You are too, Brandon! Thanks for what you did for me back last term. That took some serious guts and I won’t ever forget that!” Jimmy said and shook my hand.

“See you later, Brandon!” Then he WINKED at me and was on his way!

What a 180 degree turn around! Those doctors up there at the hospital must be miracle workers!

Or maybe…that’s my Billy! Billy is the miracle! A walking talking one…

Friday

Billy was acting a bit…weird today.

I felt like I was being quizzed on a game show or some oral exam.

There I go again - ‘Oral Exam’! I can’t even think of things like that without wondering if Billy would take it as a double-meaning for something! Things were very much ‘that way’ today!

Do you ever feel like you’re part of a story you know nothing about? That’s exactly how I felt all day! With my strange conversation with Jimmy yesterday, my pleasant, but, somehow, strained conversations with Bobby, and now Billy going all ‘Jeopardy’ on me, I really felt like I was the punchline in some joke!

It’s not a pleasant feeling - especially since I’ve a tendency toward paranoia anyway!

For instance, I had a ham sandwich for lunch today. I didn’t have time to get much else together today so I, sorta, just slapped that together and put some chips and a water and I was off to the races, as it were.

So, I notice that I only put in one slice of ham instead of two and I totally forgot any cheese! Hell, I don’t even know if I put any mustard or dressing on it! It was just…blah!

So, why am I going into details about my stupid sandwich? It’s simply because I must have muttered something about it being so lacking in any meat or anything.

Billy picked up on that as a joke! Huh?

“Not enough ‘meat’ in your ‘sandwich’, huh?” He said this with a cute little smirk that had me tossing my napkin at him. I basically called him out on it in a joking way calling him a weirdo and it was funny, but it was also out of character!

Billy is cute and silly and funny, but rarely a sicko perv! It was totally flirty!

That should have sent me over the moon with happiness that he seemed to be, actually, flirting with me in a sicko way, but it made me nervous! I…just wasn’t prepared for that, you know? It’s funny, I can be prepared for it with, like, Benji because I already know what he’s all about. I can expect it a little from Chandler because he is, well, Gay and knows I am too, so we can joke a bit between the two of us. Even Stevie can be flirty and not surprise me.

But, having Billy be that way was…new.

If Billy didn’t mean so much to me, it probably wouldn’t bother me so much. But, as you know, I look for any glimmer of hope that there might be something there between us! His being flirty means so much more to me than it does with the others!

I could totally go into a ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ rabbit hole over one stupid remark about my stupid sandwich!

So, that’s what’s on my mind tonight - my ‘sandwich meat’.

It’s Friday, so I have a weekend coming up. I have no major school projects to finish so I don’t know if I’ll have anything but games and housework to distract me from Billy.

I wish he wouldn’t play games with me! If he likes me, couldn’t he just tell me?

Couldn’t we just get this over with and become what I know we’re meant to be to each other?

Billy will always drive me crazy, won’t he?

Being in love is a kind of crazy. It must be…

This is Brandon, Crazy in love.