Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 45. Entry 45

Tuesday

I thought about Stevie today.

I’m worried about him. Without me around to help him out, I wonder how he’s getting on with Karl and Jason on the prowl for him? I hope they took the principal seriously and left poor Stevie alone! Somehow, I don’t think so. Those two don’t seem to respect any kind of authority.

Maybe, Stevie’s Mom will keep him home from school. Maybe, the school will allow Stevie to work from home to stay away from those two lunkheads. I don’t know. Probably not. That High School wouldn’t be nearly that cool. They’d probably say something like ‘if we let one student stay home from school and work then all the others will want that too and we can’t have that’.

Why can’t our High School do what my elementary school did and ship the bullies off to another school? For that matter, why couldn’t they do that for Stevie? If he isn’t going to fit in at our High School then maybe he would do better at one of the other ones in the area. They’d probably come up with some bullshit reason why they couldn’t do that like Stevie isn’t in the right district for another High School or something. There’s always some kind of pointless red tape in the way that keeps schools from doing sensible things like that. I wish I could change that fact, but, I guess it is what it is.

The School System really does suck, though, for not helping kids like Stevie and Jimmy stay safe from bullies like Karl and Jason. I don’t get why the System can’t do more. The school experience would be so much easier if students didn’t have to put up with psychopaths like Karl and Jason! Can’t they be expelled or something or are they just too damned important to the stupid football team to expel? That’s a stupid reason to keep two homicidal maniacs in school to torment the other students! For frigging football?

Anyway, I was, sort of, resenting not being able to call anyone back home, particularly Billy and Stevie. With Billy I’d want to explain why I dashed out on him like I did and with Stevie I’d want to see if he was keeping safe.

I think I’m ruining this trip for myself and my Dad. He seems disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm. He’s bent over backwards to help me have a good time and I’ve just not been very good at responding to it. I’m trying! Really I am! But, it’s just that the timing for this trip was so bad for me. I was left with too much undone back home. It’s distracting me from enjoying anything very much. I hate myself for being such a spoil-sport. I wish I could be a better son to my Dad. He deserves so much more than I can give. It isn’t fair to him.

It’s like today. We rode around town sight-seeing and I was barely there to enjoy it. My mind kept wandering. It was like I wasn’t there at all. My Dad tried to coax me into telling him what was going on, but I can’t just tell him what’s eating me and that in itself hurts. Once, I could tell my Dad anything! I’d share my day and how I felt about things, but now…I just can’t! I can’t come Out to him. He’d never understand! I doubt he’d throw me out of the house, but it would really crush him, I think, if I told him I have feelings for another boy. He’s such a fervent Catholic and being gay and being Catholic just aren’t compatible. Not legitimately anyway.

In any case, we went to a beautiful place called Coronado and visited a landmark there called the Hotel Del Coronado. It is a beautiful place, no doubt. The building itself is unique in that it’s, sort of, built like a giant birthday cake. One tier stacked on another tier making a kind of castle looking thing. The beach behind the hotel is what every visitor to Southern California dreams of when they think of a beach. Powdery light sand, turquoise water, and the most beautiful sunsets imaginable. We stayed and had dinner there at the hotel (pretty swanky) and watched that sunset. I think my Dad took some pictures. Maybe I’ll share them when I get back home.

My Dad was serving this all up on a platter for me and all I could do was basically mope. I just can’t get this feeling of heartache out of me long enough even to enjoy a beautiful sunset! I’m sure he’s frustrated to no end with me by now. I know I would be. Maybe, I’ll just tell Dad about Stevie and how I’m concerned about him. I’d only be half lying then because I really am concerned about him. Maybe then my Dad can at least have some idea why I’m so glum in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

This is Brandon the disappointment.

Wednesday

My Dad and I have settled into a kind of morning routine here at the hotel.

We get up about the same time, usually at my usual weekend schedule - 8 AM. We wait for each other to shower, brush teeth, make hair nice, and, in my Dad’s case, shave (I’m not shaving much yet). Then we go down to that restaurant we’ve been frequenting to have our usual overblown breakfasts. We’ll come back to the hotel so we can do some work. He has brought his laptop so he checks in with the office to see if there are any emails he needs to answer or phone calls he needs to make. I, lucky me, get to finish catch up assignments my teachers left for me so I won’t get behind.

Interestingly, without the interruption of going to school for hours and hours, I get a lot more homework done and faster! I had a History paper, an English paper, some Trigonometry stuff, and even a take home science test that my teacher said could be ‘open book’ if necessary. I felt confident enough to go without the book. I hope that wasn’t a mistake! I feel pretty sure I got the answers right. It’s General Science so it isn’t too difficult. Next year, God help me, I have to do Chemistry! I’ve heard that’s, basically, just another math class with weird experiments you have to do in a lab. Great, I hope I don’t mix something together next year that blows up half the school!

For the morning, I managed to get through the Trig and the Science stuff then this evening I got to the History and English papers. I like to split my day up like that so I don’t waste all my vacation time on schoolwork. I am on a trip here! That’s supposed to be educational, right?

I’ll tell you, I had quite the education today! I learned something pretty amazing about surfers…they have absolutely NO shame! More on that later.

For our outing today, me and my Dad thought we’d make a beach day out of it. Anne wanted to tag along with us so we picked her up at her house in a place WAY up in some suburb north of San Diego proper. It was in a place called San Marcos. I can’t get over how BIG everything is out West! The counties are seriously huge, dude! I’m told it can take two hours to go from one end of some counties to another. If we drove two hours (outside of Chicago traffic that is) from home in almost any direction we’d, pretty much, end up in another state, no problem!

So, anyway, after picking Anne up, we went back down south to another place in La Jolla called La Jolla Shores. It is a gorgeous stretch of beach with some nice waves coming in mostly near the long pier at the north end of the beach. Naturally, the waves attract surfers so there were plenty around. Most were wearing skin-tight wetsuits. I asked my Dad about that and he said the water was actually pretty cold in San Diego and they need those wetsuits to keep warm. That was a surprise! I thought the water would be warmer here!

Unfortunately, being the incurable Gay guy that I am, I couldn’t help but drool (inside) over those hot bodies with those skin-tight wetsuits! They left very little to the imagination. But, the show didn’t stop there!

As we were lucky enough to find parking in the beach parking lot we were treated to quite the show, indeed! It seems that surfers don’t like to wear their wetsuits in their cars which would make sense since they are, um, wet! So they, like, take them completely off in front of God, Country, and everybody! They strip completely nude right in front of you! I’d never seen anything so shameless or free in my life! They just didn’t care who saw them and, I must say, why should they feel any shame. Each and every one had the body of a god! I must have seen a dozen surfers go bare as you dare right in front of me! I was stunned, but Anne and my Dad weren’t all that surprised.

Anne actually whistled at them as we were getting out of the car which I found somewhat embarrassing. More embarrassing was the semi that was starting to grow in my swim trunks. I had to look away so I could get better control of myself. That’s a problem with being a guy, when you are trying to hide something like being Gay your body can betray you in the most stupid ways if you aren’t careful!

The surfers merely waved at Anne when she whistled at them. I think they knew what they were doing, to be honest. I’m surprised police or the lifeguards didn’t arrest them for indecent exposure! I suppose it’s one of those weird and wonderful California culture things that cause law enforcement to look the other way. It was an innocent kind of nudity and it was all too brief. The surfers aren’t stupid enough to walk stark raving naked all over the beach and parking lot in full view of everyone for an extended amount of time. That WOULD be asking for it!

In any case, I got quite the eyeful of beautiful man-meat there at the beach. For a minute, it got me to thinking about how delicious it would be to see Billy naked as a surfer in the sun. I pushed the thought out of my head, though. I didn’t want to think about Billy today. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t entirely, but I did try.

We stayed at the beach most of the day with a small break for lunch at a local pizza place that allowed swimsuits. Anne and I had a lot of fun dunking in and out of that cold San Diego sea water. There was a little awkward bit there when we were helping each other with suntan lotion. We had to help each other put it on our backs and Anne had to undo her top for me to gain access. She made a comment about how nice my hands felt. Then, when she was doing my back, she took the liberty of pushing her hands down the back of my trunks and squeezing my butt. LOL! It was silly enough to where my Dad joked about reminding us that we were cousins.

So far, this has been the best day I’ve had on this trip! What with naked surfers and a cousin I had hardly known becoming an affectionate part of my family finally. Then, of course, there was the absolute beauty of that beach! I’ll be coming back one day. Maybe with Billy at my side if I can unfuck the mess I left with him back home.

This is Brandon dreaming of naked surfers!