Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 14. Entry 14

Monday

“Brandon needs to know - do you or don’t you? Will you or won’t you? I’ve got to ask…I’ve got to do something.”

So…Brandon did do something today!

Brandon went to Billy’s house AGAIN! That’s what Brandon did!

I’ll get to that in just a minute. Something else went on that, sort of, tied into my getting to go to Billy’s today. Bobby cornered me in the Library and asked if I’d help him with ‘a little project’. Now, since my gaydar has been going off on Bobby for a while now, I had to wonder what this ‘little project’ of his would be. Would it have to include a wrestling match and a naked shower afterwards? The horny and hormonally out of control part of me would have gone for it, but fortunately I have a rational mind too which helps in not doing stupid things like that with someone like Bobby.

If Billy asked…there would be no control. Just sayin’!

Anyways, Bobby just wants me to help him Thursday with some fundraiser thing his Eagle Scout troop is putting on at the Peregrine Park Community Center. I had no idea Bobby was a Boy Scout much less an Eagle Scout! I know my Dad thought about getting me into the Boy Scouts when I was younger to make some friends, but I didn’t want to so…that’s neither here nor there.

I agreed to help and didn’t really know why. Now, I see how useful accepting Bobby’s invite would be!

While we were having lunch, I mentioned it to Billy and I could tell he felt a little uncomfortable about it because he went quiet. Billy is funny like that. The minute he hears something he doesn’t particularly like, he clams up! Hehehehe! Usually, nothing can make his motor mouth stop! Even enough to take a breath when he’s talking about something interesting. It’s one of his most endearing traits.

So, after a few uncomfortable seconds he ‘changed the subject’ and invited me over this afternoon! Naturally, I happily accepted his invitation since there would be no where I’d rather be than with Billy in his house with him all to myself!

So, by chance and by a little design, Brandon got himself into Billy’s again today!

No, we didn’t strip each other bare as we dare and do each other until we were puddles on the floor…unfortunately. I was too shy to attack him to do that and he seemed to be the same way. But, something in his lingering stares, permanent chipmunk smile, and super friendliness told me that he was holding back as much as I was! At one point, I think the pressure got a little too much for him because he’d managed to scooch himself over until we were hip to hip on the couch (which I totally allowed). When he went to excuse himself to get us a snack he actually squeezed my knee and patted my thigh! I don’t know if he even knew he did it! It was so reflexive like his hand did something without his brain knowing it! Hehehe! It was as cute a gesture as it was sexy. It made me giggle a bit. I swear I’m completely silly for Billy!

At one point his phone rang and I was afraid his Mom might be checking up on him and I’d have to leave. It was, actually, Jimmy calling him! Now that was interesting to watch and be a part of! Billy was actually excited that I was over with him this afternoon! He seemed to brag a bit about it to Jimmy. I only know it was Jimmy because he seemed to need ‘proof’ of what Billy was telling him about my being there with him. Billy passed the phone to me briefly and I heard this giggling on the other end of the line and a sputtered “Heheheh! It’s me! Jimmy! ~sputter~ Haaaay!” That was weird and funny all at once. I greeted him and then handed the phone back to Billy when Jimmy asked. I felt like a side-show attraction - but was ok with it!

The goofy interchange continued for a minute and then Billy managed to get rid of that goofball! Jimmy isn’t hiding his gayness at all anymore! He completely sounded like a silly girl over that telephone! In his way, Billy did too! It’s as much as a soft Outing as I’ve ever seen! I guess I’ll ask Chandler about this, but it’s getting to be pretty clear that Billy really likes me and in a way that makes for nervous goofy laughter like a secret is being told.

Bashful giggles, knee squeezes, blushing (Billy can’t hide a blush to save his life), a little jealousy now and then - it’s coming together just as Chandler said it would!

I think Billy and I are on the verge of something beautiful and its unfolding as naturally as a flower opening. Uh-oh, I feel another sappy poem coming on! Hold on to your seats, True Believers!

Ok, confession time (and I hope Billy doesn’t notice it missing)! When we eventually got into Billy’s room for some video games, etc., I took the opportunity, when he was distracted, to snatch up one of his t-shirts from his laundry pile. It’s a plain white one so it’s probably one he won’t miss much. But, I needed something that was his and had his scent on it to take with me today. Is that perverted? Probably. I’ll return it, hopefully, the next time I get to come over to his place again.

I slept with that shirt against my cheek and with Billy’s scent in my nose all night! I didn’t do anything sick with it like masturbate into it or anything. Oh, no! It is far too sacred a thing for me to do that to it. I just cuddled with it. If Billy’s fooling me and he is straight then he’ll probably find that to be the sickest thing imaginable. But, he doesn’t need to know. Does he?

If he is as Gay as I hope he is, then this t-shirt can be just a substitute until the day when I can hold and cuddle Billy himself in my arms and smell his beautiful scent in his golden hair!

Somehow, I think that day may be coming soon!

This is Brandon, the T-Shirt Bandit.

Tuesday

Wow! It was hard to focus today!

All I wanted to do all day was look out the window at the rainy day and moon over Billy! My daydreams are so nice these days! They’re all gum drops and candy hearts over, dare I call him, my Sweetheart!

Like I’ve probably said time and again or at least thought it, it doesn’t really matter if Billy can ever actually be my Sweetheart or not. It only matters that I think of him that way in my heart. I can love him from afar…if that’s the way it is going to have to be.

I’m done struggling with it.

I’ve loved him since I first laid eyes on Billy. You can really believe in Cupid and his darts when you’re struck in the heart and it’s love at first sight. Cupid got me good that day at the Mall those many months ago. My feelings have only gotten stronger as time has gone on!

I really should make the first move and just see where things go, but I’m more afraid of losing Billy than I am Outing myself these days! As long as we keep this ‘friendship’ of ours alive, I know I’ll at least be able to talk with Billy and be with him.

I don’t want to jeopardize that. It’s too important!

But, I guess, the truth will Out someday. I won’t be able to hide my feelings forever. Not with how much stronger they’re getting day by day. That t-shirt I borrowed is my most prized possession right now! Doesn’t that sound sick? Did you know I actually brought it with me in my school bag? It’s was right there, right with me! It’s right where I could touch it…touch him any time I wanted to! I have it in my lap right now as I type this!

I’ve got it bad…so bad!

Well, enough mushy stuff, I guess. I couldn’t do much more than say hi to Billy and rush off to work on school projects. As much as I loved our getting together yesterday afternoon, it stole away some precious study time.

I also had a computer project that was due today. It was programming and I must say that I hate programming! It’s too much like Algebra with this variable here goes to that function there and then this is supposed to happen except it doesn’t and I have to hunt for the bug…ick! Anyways, I had to really focus on that or I’d, pretty much, fail the class! It would be my first ‘F’ ever! That couldn’t happen…not even for Billy. I’d never hear the end of it at home! Especially with a computer class! My Dad insists I learn all I can about stupid computers. I know enough! I use one all the time! I can do Social Media, emails, write in this blog, play my games, mod my games, and do all kinds of stuff with Microworks! Why do I have to get into the guts of the thing and learn how to make programs? That’s not what I have in mind for my future! God forbid I should ever become a software programmer! What a dull life that would be!

Fortunately, I did finish. It’s an OK little program. It takes in inputs and spits out results. Hopefully, it’s enough to garner a passing grade so I don’t have to deal with too much more of that class! Here I thought it was going to be fun too!

Bitch, bitch, bitch…Billy was spared my bitchy mood today at least. I would have made for bad company even at lunch today.

Well, I guess I have learned something in that computer class. I was able to help Jamie out today.

While I was finishing up in the computer lab, I started hearing all this cursing and swearing coming from the back corner and the voice was familiar. Curious, I went over to check and there was Jamie Cross, red in the face, cussing out the computer he was using!

“Fucking goddamn thing! Give me back my motherfucking term paper!” Jamie was saying that sort of thing. It was enough to make a sailor blush!

“Problems?” I asked.

“Huh? Oh-hi, Brandon. Sorry, but this FUCKER ate my term paper! The word thingie is all stuck and I can’t save nuthin’ or do anything!” Jamie seemed almost on the verge of tears. I had to imagine he put a lot of work into that paper!

“Can I have a look?” I asked, hoping that I could help. I’d run into a similar problem before with the ‘word thingie’ on this very blog! I felt I’d lost months of entries, but found a trick on the Internet that saved the whole thing!

“Sure, though this is pretty complicated stuff! You sure you can help?” Jamie seemed a bit full of himself at that moment, crossing his arms and looking all smug. Hehehe! I meekly said ‘I’ll try’, knowing Jamie’s pride as I have.

I did the key combo that brought up the Task Manager and shut ‘Word Thingie’ down. That scared the bejeezus out of poor Jamie! He went from red as a beet to white as a sheet in a split second!

“OHMYFUCKINGGOD! YOU JUST DELETED HOURS WORTH OF WORK! I’MMAKILLYOU!” Jamie sounded like he was about to kill me, but I told him to relax. Before he could make good on his threat, I simply opened the word processor again and it brought up a menu item that allowed you to open the ‘Recovery File’. Click, presto, voila - all his work was back with nothing lost. I reminded him of a rule the Computer Teacher said on the first day of my computer class: “Save and save often!” Jamie agreed to that.

I got a big ol’ Jamie hug for that one. I’m glad his goons weren’t around or they’d have disowned him and tried to kill me for making Jamie ‘Gay’. Chandler warns me, from time to time, of Jamie’s over-affectionate nature and to be careful of him around his friends. Hehehe!

So, today wasn’t a total loss. I’d love to hear what Billy would have to say about me getting a ‘Jamie Hug’, but I’m sure that would make for one jealous Sweetheart.

Anyway, this is Brandon, the reluctant computer geek.