The Cockney Canuck - 164. Chapter 164 Paranoia

Walking back from the church that Sunday lunchtime allowed me to reflect on how much my life had changed since moving to Canada. I rarely got time on my own nowadays, but my childhood in England was littered with such moments, particularly when my mom was ill. It made me appreciate the value of human company and instilled in me a desire to never be alone.

This determination was the reason I agreed to the adoption. The chance to legally insert myself into a ready-made family for the rest of my life was an opportunity I couldn’t resist. Now it looked like that family was on the brink of disintegrating due to one man's selfishness.

The following weekend was Mother’s Day and another painful reminder of why I had to leave England in the first place. I often wondered what my original mom would have thought of Don. My arch-enemy was also her younger brother and the person she trusted with my future.

He was a bigot and a bully, and now I was pretty sure I could add adultery to his list of misdemeanours, but I had no proof. I had to admit, there could have been a perfectly reasonable explanation for that woman to be in his car, and Don probably had a dozen or so excuses already lined up to counter any accusations if I chose to tell Sue.

He had the cheek to blame her for the failure of their marriage, and naturally, the church took his side, accusing Sue of turning her back on God. They didn’t like her because she stood up to them and resisted Don’s attempts to get her kids involved in their crazy cult. Nicola, Daniel, and Amy may not have realised how indebted they were to their mother, but after seeing how these people operated, I was under no illusions about how important it was for her to make a stand.

I desperately wanted to expose Don, but first, I would have to outsmart him by doing something he would least expect. So, I decided to keep my trap shut until I could gather enough evidence to nail his sorry arse once and for all, although I wasn’t sure how. The only person I could trust in the church who may have been able to help was Matthew—the boy I had just gotten into trouble and then deserted—and I wasn’t convinced he would ever want to speak to me again.

I must have looked despondent when I arrived home, tired and sweaty with my jacket tied around my waist. Sue watched me traipse past on my way downstairs and called me into the kitchen. It was unusual to see her sitting alone at the table, sorting through a box of old photographs.

“It’s about time I had a picture of you on my wall,” she said. “You’ve been here long enough now to feel a part of this family.”

With everything else going on, it seemed like such a trivial thing to be concerned about, but it was a contentious issue when I first arrived and the catalyst for several arguments. I wasn’t proud of my behaviour then, but a lot had changed, and Sue was no longer my enemy.

She handed me a photograph that she liked and asked for my opinion. It was taken on the day of my adoption, and I was dressed in the same suit I was partly wearing now. I studied it and handed it back.

“I don’t mind. If you like it, then that’s all that matters.”

Sue’s smile was priceless. It was like she had just found the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. I knew how much it meant to her. My stubborn refusal to have my picture on her family wall was, in the end, a futile act of defiance and no longer relevant.

“Well, that’s settled. It took a while, but we got there in the end. Why are you so late anyway? I was getting worried.”

“I had to walk home. Don had to go somewhere.”

“It wouldn’t have hurt him to drop you off first.” Sue tutted and motioned for me to sit next to her. “You don’t have to stay indoors this afternoon, dear. You can go to see Nathan if you want.”

It sounded like my unofficial punishment for partying with Alex was over, but I was still angry with my boyfriend for lying about his drug use, and we hadn’t talked since Friday. I was stubbornly holding out for him to call, so I declined her offer.

“I’m good, thanks. I think I’ll stay here.”

Sue looked surprised. It wasn’t what she expected.

“Have you two had an argument?”

I nodded. “I’m not talking to him at the moment.”

“Oh, dear. Well, you’d better make up before Friday, or you’ll miss his birthday.”

I was impressed. “How did you know?”

“I know when Nathan’s birthday is. I’ve known him a lot longer than you, don’t forget. How was church? I’m sorry you had to go there today.”

“So am I. Symmonds was there.”

I noticed Sue tense up. “What did he have to say for himself?”

“He doesn’t want me to be friends with Matthew and told me I’m not allowed to contact him ever again. He thinks I’m trying to corrupt him.”

“That’s nonsense; even I know he’s not your type.” Her comment made me smile. It was proof of how much she had changed recently. “That man has a cheek, but it might not be a bad thing. I would prefer it if you had nothing more to do with Matthew or that church.”

I knew she was right, and I couldn’t blame her for wanting to sever all ties with those people, but I was uneasy about Matthew. It felt like I was abandoning him after trying so hard to gain his trust.

“Don’t worry; I’m not planning to go back there.”

“I’m glad. Maybe they’ll leave you alone now.”

“I hope so. I told Hannah I’m not going anymore.”

“Whose Hannah?”

“One of the girls we went sailing with. She wanted to be my girlfriend. Her parents invited me to their house for lunch.”

Sue chuckled. “They don’t give up, do they? It’s just another trick to get you in the church.”

I shook my head vigorously in denial. “Hannah fancies me. She saw me without a shirt; I get that a lot with girls.”

“Oh, you poor thing. It must be awful having girls chase after you all the time.” She put her arm around me and pulled me close for a hug. “Maybe you should try keeping your shirt on.”

I glanced up at her and smiled as she rubbed my arm—a simple act of affection I usually did my utmost to avoid, although, to her credit, she never stopped trying. Sue had spent a year and a half relentlessly chipping away at my defences, and her determination was starting to pay dividends. I was tired of resisting, so I closed my eyes and allowed her to pull me nearer until my head rested on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry I’ve caused you so many problems.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve caused more trouble since I arrived than Daniel and Nicola have in their entire lives.”

“Did Don say that to you?”

“No, but it’s true, isn’t it? Look how many times I’ve been grounded. I know I’ve been difficult to control.”

“You don’t need to apologise, especially for being grounded. If anything, we were probably a bit harsh on you.”

“But I said some horrible things to you that you didn’t deserve.”

“We all do and say things we regret. There’s a lot I would have done differently if I had known what I know now. The fact you can admit to making mistakes says a lot about you. Some people can’t do that. They think it’s a sign of weakness when it’s actually the opposite. I don’t think you’ve done much wrong, but I’m glad you’ve lost your anger.”

I lifted my head and frowned. “Not all of it.”

She laughed and squeezed me against her. “No, not all of it. You still have your moments, but you’ve changed a lot since you arrived.”

“In what way? I haven’t noticed.”

“Well, you wouldn’t allow me to do this for a start, so that’s an improvement.”

I groaned as she squeezed the air from my lungs to prove her point, but I made no attempt to free myself. Instead, I relaxed and sank even deeper, encouraged by a warm, familiar feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long time. I had forgotten how good it felt to receive a mother’s embrace, and until that moment, I didn’t realise how much I missed it.

“I love you.”

It sounded naff, and I cringed when I said it, but it was true. I thought it was about time I let her know, although I wasn’t prepared for her reaction.

“Thank you. I love you too, dear.” Her words were predictable but laced with emotion, and she choked up at the end. I didn’t mean to upset her, and I paid for it with a suffocating hug that nearly killed me. Sue was usually so composed, but it had been a difficult couple of weeks, and this may have been the final straw.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, dear. That was a little unexpected, that’s all. I don’t think you realise how much it means to me.” She paused only for as long as it took her to place a slobbery kiss on my cheek that I wanted to wipe off immediately, but my arms were still pinned to my sides. “I’m very proud of you, and I know your mom would be too.”

I wasn’t sure what I had done to make her proud, but the tears were real, and I think I made her day.

It was important for me to let Sue know I was on her side and appreciated everything she had done, but I didn’t want it going any further. If Nicola and Daniel found out about this, my reputation as a rebel would be in tatters.

“This is just between us, right? Don’t tell anyone else. They won’t understand. And don’t make a big deal about the photograph either.”

Sue would have agreed to anything at that point, and she nodded as I rested my head on her shoulder again and relaxed. Maybe I was a little old for this, and it must have been uncomfortable for her, but I was making up for lost time. It felt like I was finally able to claw back some of the moments denied to me after losing my mom. I had a lot of catching up to do, and I could have stayed like that for hours, feeling like a little boy again, until Nicola ruined the moment.

“Ah, look at the little baby.”

She appeared from nowhere and made me jump as she teased me and laughed.

“Fuck off!”

It was a knee-jerk reaction, and I covered my mouth and glanced at Sue, expecting to be fined, but not that day. She ignored my verbal discrepancy and focused her anger on her daughter, who looked surprised to see her mom wiping away tears. My sister quickly apologised for interrupting what was clearly a very personal moment and offered to leave us alone, but it was too late.

I was embarrassed and wanted a shower, so I walked away as Nicola attempted to make up with polite conversation.

“How was church? Did you talk to Matthew?”

“No.”

“He called you earlier.”

I stopped on the landing and glanced up. “Who did?”

“Matthew. He called on the house phone about half an hour ago.”

I ran back upstairs and followed Nicola into the kitchen, snapping at her heels like an excited puppy.

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. He wanted to talk to you, not me. Get away from me!”

“Why didn’t he call my phone?”

“How do I know? Why don’t you ask him? He’s your friend.”

“He’s not my friend.”

“He must be important to you, or you wouldn’t be so excited.”

Nicola had nothing more to offer, so I left her alone and ran downstairs with a new sense of urgency. I figured Symmonds must have confiscated Matthew’s phone to stop us from communicating. My number was in his phone, so Matthew had to call me on our landline, which he could find in the local directory.

I was proud of my detective work and relieved Matthew was okay and still willing to talk to me, even if I wasn’t going back to his church. I’d have to be patient and wait for him to call again.

*     *     *

Nathan’s locker and homeroom were on the floor below mine, so I rarely saw him in school before lunchtime, but when I arrived on Monday morning, he was waiting to surprise me. He was all smiles as he stepped in front of Rory to apologise for his behaviour on Friday.

“I’m sorry for arguing with you and misleading you about the drugs.”

“And I’m sorry for being a hypocrite.”

“I missed you at the weekend,” he said. “It’s lonely in my bed without my teddy bear.”

“Ah, that’s sweet. I missed you too, sexy.”

“I’m gonna be sick,” said Rory. My friend rolled his eyes as my boyfriend ignored the rules and threw his arms around my neck for a daring kiss in the crowded corridor. A few of the girls seemed to enjoy the spectacle, the boys not so much, and there were some grumbles of discontent from some of my male classmates.

This was why I didn’t like being affectionate in school, but my boyfriend wanted to make up, and his kiss tasted like chocolate.

“I bought this for you,” he said as he presented me with a bar of my favourite Cadbury’s. “I got it from the English shop downtown, but I couldn’t resist a quick nibble. I hope you don’t mind.”

I laughed at his cute antics and licked my lips. “You can have a nibble whenever you want.”

“How about this afternoon then, after school at my place? You can help me with my homework. I promise not to bite too hard.”

I was sure Sue wouldn’t object, but my boyfriend was gone before I could reply. I watched him skipping along the corridor, turning every few feet to blow kisses at me before inevitably colliding with another student.

“He’s crazy,” said Rory.

“No, he loves me,” I corrected him. “That’s what it does to you.”

My friend smirked. “So, when are you getting married?”

“Don’t be silly. We’re just boyfriends. You don’t like him, do you?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“It’s okay, Rory. I know you’ve never liked him.”

“He doesn’t like me, that’s why.”

“He does; he’s just a little jealous.”

“Jealous of me? Why?”

“Because he doesn’t like sharing me with other people.”

“That’s stupid. We hardly see each other. You only stayed at my house because you were too stoned to make it home. Have you told him you’re staying for the cup final next weekend?” When I didn’t reply, he shook his head. “I didn’t think so.”

Rory wasn’t the type to moan or let things bother him, and we never argued, so this was unusual behaviour from my best friend. He needed to relax, so I waited until he sat at his desk and then stood behind him to massage his shoulders—something I learnt from Conner.

“You’re not jealous of my boyfriend, are you?”

“No!”

“Good, because that would be weird, don’t you think?”

While the rest of the class was settling down, I massaged Rory’s shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck with my thumbs until I was the only one still standing.

“Okay, you can stop now.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

He pushed my arms away and scowled. “I’m okay. Now stoppit! Everyone’s watching.”

I turned and beamed an overzealous smile at the students giving us strange looks, then sat down and melted into my seat.

Rory needed to find a new girlfriend if only to get Nathan off my back. My boyfriend was deeply suspicious of my single friend and made sure he sat between us at lunch, blocking our attempts to communicate. It was verging on the ridiculous and a pointless exercise, considering we were mostly in the same classes, and later that day, we had to shower together.

Admittedly there were twenty or so other naked boys with us at the time, but only Rory made me nervous. Showering with my sexy friend was a particularly nerve-wracking experience and a challenging exercise in self-control. He must have realised this, and I always expected him to show more modesty. It wouldn’t have made him any less of a friend had he tried to shield his bits from me like some of the other boys, but instead, he did the complete opposite, leaving everything on display and making it impossible for me not to perve on him.

It was a regular occurrence, and I wondered if it was deliberate. Maybe he got a thrill from exposing his junk to me. It was possible but unlikely, and if Rory was ever excited, I never saw any physical evidence.

As if to prove my point, when he joined me under the hot spray that day, Rory’s neatly circumcised penis was as flaccid as the day he was born. My friend was full of nervous energy, standing next to me on his tip toes with an infectious grin that turned to giggles whenever we made eye contact.

It was cute to watch, but I had been down this road before. His body language and flirtatious glances reminded me of Tom before we began fooling around. Like Rory, my ex-best friend used to fervently deny he was gay, but towards the end, there were times when he sucked my dick as if his life depended on it.

On this evidence, I could picture Rory doing the same thing, and that thought alone was enough to start a stirring in my loins that I needed to suppress. I was hot and frustrated after a weekend without Nathan and found it difficult to concentrate amid the chokingly high levels of testosterone.

I was ready to leave when Rory tapped my shoulder to offer me some of his shampoo. Like most boys, I never bothered using soap in the school showers, but Rory was among the few who took travel-sized bottles of gel with them. His golden hair—perhaps his most distinguishing feature—was high maintenance, and he put a lot of work into keeping it looking messy and unkempt.

The physical contact, however brief and innocuous, sent my pulse racing, but watching him squeeze a large dollop of spunk-like liquid into my upturned hand was too much to take.

My dick sprang to attention, and it took all my concentration to stop myself from returning the favour against the side of his leg. I turned around in a desperate attempt to conceal my arousal, but it was too late. We were not alone, and everywhere I looked, there was a penis.

The news spread like wildfire, and before I could control my wayward member, most of the boys in my PE class managed to see me in full bloom. Some ran back into the shower to laugh at my dilemma or to satisfy their perverted interest.

I wasn’t the first boy in my class to sprout a boner in the showers, but my sexuality made it more serious, and not all the laughter was friendly. There were some harsh looks from some of the more easily offended students who already considered me a danger and some snidey comments aimed at Rory and me.

On this occasion, my golden-haired friend was far from innocent, and he must have known he was responsible, but I was too embarrassed to apportion blame. In the locker room, under increased scrutiny from our classmates, we kept a healthy distance while we dressed and didn’t talk until we left the sports complex.

“Don’t worry; they’ll forget all about it by tomorrow.”

I didn’t share Rory’s optimism, but at least I didn’t have to put up with any more jibes until the morning. Physical education was our final lesson that day, and I was already scanning the crowded corridor for signs of my zany boyfriend when we were overtaken by one of the boys from the shower. He was with his girlfriend, and they looked across at me and giggled as they passed.

His shrimp-like penis was nothing to be proud of, and I wanted to point this out to him, but it wasn’t worth the hassle.

I was sure everyone in the school would soon know about my erection in the showers.

‘Maybe Mr Andrews will announce it over the PA.’

It would have saved me the embarrassment of telling Nathan, but my boyfriend was surprisingly unperturbed when I mentioned it to him later that afternoon while working on his English assignment. His eyes never left the computer screen, so I didn’t burden him with minor details like Rory's scandalous role in my humiliation.

The mere mention of my friend’s name lately seemed to make Nathan’s hair stand on end, but my mind kept returning to the scene in the shower. Either Nathan’s paranoia was beginning to rub off on me, or my golden-haired friend wasn’t as straight as he pretended. Despite the obvious difficulties it would cause, I wanted to believe the latter, if only to feed my increasingly demented fantasies.

While my boyfriend’s nimble fingers clattered relentlessly at his keyboard, I sat beside him, absent-mindedly playing with the tent in my shorts. His family were downstairs, but in the seclusion of his bedroom, there was no need to hide my arousal, and soon it was impossible to ignore. My boyfriend thought it was funny. He giggled at my plight before finally pausing his essay and taking control with some hand cream and a slice of humour.

Using my dick as a microphone while miming to Adele’s ‘We could have had it all’ was both funny and incredibly sexy at the same time. Nathan’s multi-coloured nails looked good against my taught skin, and his hot breath and quivering lips ensured an explosive climax deserving of a bigger audience and a better song. He knew how to get the best out of me—three glorious spurts that coated his hand and webbed his fingers as he held them aloft to show me the fruits of his labour. Then in an extravagant display of amateur porn, he dragged his tongue across his palm and pretended to enjoy it.

“It’s the ultimate compliment,” Nathan insisted. “Proof of how much I love you.”

He smiled, but it was all theatre, and he wiped the rest on his t-shirt while we kissed.

“Are you ready to continue?”

I could have done with a few minutes grace, but I forced myself out of my dream-like state and sat upright in my chair.

“Are you kidding me? I was born ready.”

Keeping eye contact, I wet my lips, pushed my chair back, and dropped to my knees in front of him.

Nathan chuckled. “I was talking about my homework, silly. I have to hand it in tomorrow.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, it’s more important at the moment than sex. I need to improve my grades.”

My boyfriend’s uncharacteristic display of morality was a shock to my system. I had never known him to refuse before, and it felt wrong after he had put so much effort into pleasing me. I wondered how it was possible to switch moods so quickly.

“If you’re sure.” I stared at his crotch, but nothing was moving beneath his cotton shorts, so I sat back in my chair and turned to face his desk. There was a half-finished essay on his computer that no longer interested me, and I struggled to get back into the groove.

“You don’t mind, do you?”

“Do I mind not putting your dick in my mouth and swallowing a load of jizz, you mean?” Of course, I minded, and I wasn’t used to being turned down. When I thought about it, no one had ever turned down such an offer from me before. Not even my arrogant cousin Tommy who I only met once at Thanksgiving, and he was straight. This was a new experience, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Do you still love me?”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, Robbie. How can you say that after what I just did? Just because one time I don’t want you to suck my dick, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. You’re really insecure, aren’t you?” He leaned across to kiss me and smirked. “There are other reasons why I love you; it’s not just about sex.”

“What other reasons?”

“Lots of different things, too many to name.”

It sounded like he wasn’t sure, but I had my own theory.

“You’re probably gonna think I’m crazy, but maybe God had something to do with it.”

“Your right,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “You’re crazy.”

“Hear me out. I know you’re not religious, but do you ever pray?”

“No, and that doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, I never used to, but I tried it, and it works. Now it’s like I’ve got my own personal hot-line to God, and he must like me because whatever I ask for seems to come true.”

“Ah, that’s so sweet. Did you really pray for me to fall in love with you?”

“Yes, along with a few other things, of course. But I can’t tell you what they are. It’s a personal thing between God and me.”

My boyfriend’s smile dropped as he studied my face for a sign of humour and realised I wasn’t joking.

“You’re serious?”

“Absolutely. It definitely works. You should try it.”

He stood up, walked across the room, and mumbled. “Great! I’ve fallen in love with a religious nut.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Look, Robbie, I really do love you, but it’s probably more to do with you as a person than a prayer. I mean, I’m open-minded and stuff, but I’m pretty sure God didn’t tell me to love you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he didn’t. I would’ve remembered something like that. You’ve gotta stop hanging out with those freaky church kids. They’re screwing with your head. Next thing you know, you’ll be married to some farm girl and up to your eyeballs in screaming kids.”

Visions of Hannah filled my head, and the only way I avoided another argument was by promising never to set foot in the church again.

*     *     *

The following morning when I closed my locker, Fran was on the other side of the door with a wide grin.

“You made me jump.”

“I know,” she giggled. “I heard you had a problem in the showers yesterday.”

‘That didn’t take long.’

I frowned. “David couldn’t wait to tell you, could he?”

“I didn’t hear it from David. Everyone knows. I just thought I’d warn you.”

“Thanks,” I sighed as we walked to our classroom and braced myself for what was sure to be a difficult day.

“You gotta learn to control it.”

It was easy for her to say. “What do you know? It’s not something you can just switch on or off whenever you want.”

“I know that. But I also know how easily you rise to the occasion.” She winked and blushed as I glared at her. “Oh, come on, it wasn’t that long ago.”

My ex-girlfriend raised her eyebrows and smirked as she held the door open for me. I followed her into the classroom, trying to avoid looking at anyone except Rory, who glanced at me and smiled as I took my usual seat.

Maybe I imagined it, but every kid I looked at that morning seemed to be laughing at me, even kids I didn’t know, and the girls were the worst. I figured it was impossible to fully understand the complexities of a penis if you didn’t have one yourself, which was probably why I got a lot more sympathy from the boys. A case of ‘there but for the grace of God go I.’

It didn’t take long for the news to reach Nicola. We rarely interacted in the cafeteria, so I knew what to expect when she grabbed the empty seat beside me and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Everyone knows you got a boner in the shower.”

“It’s none of your business. I don’t need to tell you every time I get a hard-on. That would be weird.”

“If you had told me, I would have been better prepared, and it wouldn’t have been so embarrassing. I would have been able to stick up for you.” She glared at David, who smirked at her choice of words. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, I just ….”

“Good. Robbie can’t help it; he’s gay, you know.”

“I know that.”

Nicola was only making things worse, so I tried to diffuse the situation by agreeing with her. It always confused her when I was nice. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, Nicola. In future, I’ll make sure you know whenever I get a boner.”

“You’re disgusting,” she said before turning her back on me to talk to David. “How’s Steph?”

I was surprised and pleased to hear my sister asking after her friend. They hadn’t talked since Stephanie decided to absolve me of parental responsibility for her child, and I felt guilty.

David never talked to me about his sister, and I never asked, so I listened with interest as he explained why she hadn’t been attending school.

“She’s had a rough time lately; she’s been sick. Dizzy spells and shit like that. They did a load of tests at the hospital. I don’t think it’s serious, but it’s not good. She’s always throwing up.”

“Oh, poor Steph.” Nicola stared at me as if it was all my fault, and I apologised to my friend for not asking about his sister, but Stephanie had put me in a difficult position. I wasn’t sure what was expected of me anymore.

“It’s not your fault,” he insisted. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

“Then why did you?” asked Rory. He sat opposite me behind a plate of French fries and looked surprised when everyone turned to stare at him. My friend had a valid point and an uncompromising sense of loyalty. The idea of revealing something he wasn’t supposed to would never cross his mind. I considered it an endearing quality, but to Nicola, he was simply naïve.

She glared at my friend. “Because it’s important, dummy. If Steph’s not well, I need to know about it. She’s still my best friend even if we don’t talk to each other anymore.”

Rory looked baffled by my sister’s logic, but my eyes told him not to question it. He slumped back in his chair to check his phone while Fran tried to calm my increasingly agitated sister.

“I can tell Stephanie you asked about her if you want.”

Nicola glanced at me, and I nodded, but I think her mind was already made up. I never wanted them to fall out in the first place, so I was pleased when my sister asked David if she could come to see her instead.

David smiled. “I think she would like that. She needs a friend at the moment. Someone to talk to other than Fran and me. Just don’t tell her I told you she was ill.”

I thought David handled a difficult situation quite well, and he may have even repaired their friendship, but I was surprised to hear that Stephanie needed a friend. According to Mr Lube, she was seeing Mitch.

I decided to ask David on the way to our next class.

“I thought Stephanie was dating that Mitch guy.”

“Who told you that?”

“Someone I know saw them together.”

It must have sounded like I was spying on his sister, and David gave me an accusing look.

“Does it bother you?”

“He’s an arsehole.”

David chuckled. “Just because he doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean he’s an asshole. He’s been good to my sister.”

“So, they are dating?”

'Mr Lube was right.'

I could tell David was getting frustrated by my questions. It was a difficult subject for him, but I wasn’t prepared for his reaction.

“Haven’t you done enough damage? Why don’t you leave her alone? It’s got nothing to do with you. I don’t think you realise how lucky you are. This could have ruined your life, but you got away with it. Why can’t you just be thankful and leave it at that? Go and play with your boyfriend!”

He pushed me away and marched into the boy’s washroom, leaving me feeling stupid. I didn’t need another reason for everyone to stare at me, and I wished I hadn’t asked.

“What was that about?” Rory made me jump as he bumped shoulders with me.

“I was only asking about Stephanie. I wanted to know if she was dating that dickhead, Mitch.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s no good for her.”

Rory grabbed my arm and led me away. “Why don’t you let her decide? Has she ever told you not to date Nathan?”

“That’s different. I’m not pregnant.”

“So, you think Mitch is gonna somehow hurt the baby?”

“I dunno. It depends on what they’re doing.”

Rory laughed. “I don’t think they’re doing much. Didn’t you hear David saying how sick she was? You’re only upset because it’s Mitch, and you don’t like him, but if it’s true, you've got to give him some credit. Not many guys would want to date a girl who was already pregnant.”

I begrudgingly admitted that Rory was right, but it didn’t make much sense. Mitch was popular enough to find himself a girl who wasn’t pregnant.

“David thinks it’s all my fault.”

“Does it matter? It’s his sister; he’s not gonna blame her. I feel sorry for Stephanie. Some girls have it bad. My cousin was sick all the time when she was pregnant. I’m glad I’m a guy.”

“So am I, Rory. Your looks would be wasted on a girl.”

*     *     *

It was Thursday before Don graced our family with his presence again. He was now spending more nights away than he was at home, but no one seemed to care or even ask where he was staying. I had a pretty good idea but kept it to myself, which must have confused him. I could see it in his face when he stared at me over dinner.

I had no idea why he was still eating with us or why Sue even bothered cooking him a meal, considering they were hardly talking. The atmosphere rubbed off on everyone, and no one said anything during a tense mealtime.

Afterwards, I helped Daniel clean up. I wanted to know if he was going to Ginny’s house the next evening for Nathan’s birthday.

“I’m not sure,’ he said. “I know he’s sixteen, but I don’t like the people he hangs around with. They’re a little ….”

“Weird. Yeah, I know. I would have preferred to go somewhere else, but it’s his birthday, and he wants to spend it with his friends. They hate me.”

“They make you look almost normal,” laughed Daniel as he dodged my punch and connected with one of his own.

“You little fucker.” I chased him into the kitchen and around a stationary Nicola before cornering him by the pantry and pinning him to the wall.

“You’re vibrating,” he said, breathing in my face and giggling. “I hope it’s your phone.”

I let my brother go and reached for my pocket. “Well, talk of the devil.” I put my phone on the loudspeaker and answered. “Hi, sexy. We were just talking about you. I was just about to shag my brother.”

“Don’t let me stop you. Tell him I’m next.”

Daniel laughed, but he gave as good as he got. “In your dreams, queer boys.” He aimed another punch at me, which I stopped by grabbing his wrist and twisting his arm. It made him yell, and he was forced to plead with me to let him go.

“That’s so hot!” shouted Nathan. “I think I’m gonna cum.”

“Yuk,” said Daniel. “You’re disgusting.”

I picked up my phone from the table and turned off the loudspeaker while my red-faced brother threw whatever he could find at me. A cushion hit me in the back, and a placemat whistled past my ear before I reached the back door and closed it behind me.

“Sorry, Nathan. Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m having a great time. You’ll never guess what happened. I’ve just had an early birthday present. You’re not gonna believe it.”

“Try me.”

“Okay, wait a minute. Oh my God, I’m too excited.” He was talking too fast and sounded out of breath.

“Are you okay?”

“No, I mean yes, I think so. I got a letter today, and I just opened it.”

“Wow, that’s great. You've got to stop taking those drugs, Nathan. They’re fucking with your brain.”

“No, it’s real. I’m gonna be in a movie. Do you remember the audition I went to before Christmas? You came with me.”

“No, I wasn’t with you then. It must have been someone else.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. Well, it doesn’t matter because I got the part. Can you believe it? I knew I was in the last three, but I didn’t think they would pick me. They never pick me, except for this time. I gotta tell Ginny. I think I’m gonna wet myself.”

“Slow down and go and pee.”

“I am. Wait a minute; I gotta swap hands.”

I giggled at the sound of his stream hitting the water. “Hello.”

“I’m still here. I almost dropped you in the toilet. Oh my God, Robbie, this is so cool. I still can’t believe it. They want to start filming in the school during the summer. I mean in the summer during school. You know what I mean.”

“Blimey, that’s quick!”

“Yes, blimey! I got one of the supporting roles. I’m playing a teenager.”

“That’s a surprise. I thought they would give you the old lady.”

“There isn’t an old lady.”

“I was joking.”

“Oh, right. My character’s a delinquent who escapes from juvenile detention and witnesses the murder of a big-shot politician. Then the mob try to kill him, but the hitman—I forget his name, but he’s totally gorgeous—is an undercover detective who saves the boy and kills the bad guy.”

“Shit, Nathan! You just told me the ending. I won’t be able to watch it now.”

“Of course, you will. You can be my date for the premiere. I’m so excited. They’re gonna cut my hair, and I have to put on some weight. I can’t believe I’m playing a straight boy. Oh, and I have to go to Vancouver for four weeks.”

I was excited, too, until he said that. “Four weeks? That’s a month!”

“I know. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, of course not. I’m happy for you. It’s great news. My boyfriend’s gonna be a star.”

“Well, probably not a star. Not yet anyway, but it could lead to bigger things.”

“I hope so. I know how much you love bigger things. But I’m gonna miss you, for sure.”

“Ah, that’s sweet. I’ll miss you too. But when I return, we can spend the whole summer together.”

‘Yeah, the whole summer.’

I was genuinely pleased for Nathan. He put a lot of work into his art and deserved to catch a break, but a part of me didn’t want him to go. It wasn’t the four weeks of separation; I could handle that. It was the sudden realisation that our relationship wasn’t going to last forever.

Our phone call ended with a flurry of kisses and giggles. He had a dozen other calls to make while I sat in the backyard and gazed at the stars.

Despite all of our promises to be faithful and the endless talk of falling in love, when I thought about it, all we really had was a high school romance, and they were always doomed to fail. A career in acting would inevitably take him away from me and introduce him to people I couldn’t hope to compete against—exciting movie people who shared his love of the arts and were already living the life he wanted.

It was only a matter of time.