Young and Hungry - For Life - 46. Raj’s Talks, Justin Talks, Juanito?

While Edward was in the kitchen, Raj asked Romel and Craig for medical advice about making the change.

Romel answered first “You will need a number of specialist consultants, so you will have to start with an understanding GP who can refer you to the appropriate specialists”

“What sort of specialists will I need?”

Craig then took over “Gender transition involves a team of healthcare providers. Most of these are doctors. But the first step in the process is to meet with a mental health provider. After a period of evaluation and therapy, you can then be referred for medical treatment for gender transition if that is what you want”

“Yes, after a mental health assessment you may decide not to proceed with transition immediately, but instead just dress and present as a female while you and your family, friends and colleagues become familiar with the change. You can also be prescribed medication to help with that process” added Romel “Some people never proceed with a complete physical change, it is up to you to choose the path that’s right for you”

“Thanks guys, it’s really good to have friends that can give me advice”

“But remember” said Craig “We are only giving advice as friends, neither of us have specialised knowledge on this subject”

“Of course, but I appreciate your interest”

<>

Juanito had remained silent during this discourse and when Craig noticed he said “Raj, I think the first thing you need to do is discuss this in private with Juanito, who seems to have been taken by complete surprise by your revelation. This could seriously affect your relationship and you will need his total support during the process”

“Juanito?” asked Raj

“Yes?”

“Have you anything to say?”

“Not now, like Craig said, we need to discuss this in private. But before that I need to think about it”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about you. I was just thinking of myself”

“Good, you continue to do that and I’ll think about myself also” said Juanito, as he left the room.

Edward returned to a silent room, with the dessert and asked “Is everything OK?”

Nobody answered, so Edward gave the group a stare until Romel said “Juanito needs time to process what just happened. Let’s leave him be”

“What just happened?”

“We were giving Raj some advice on transitioning when we realised that he and Juanito have not discussed this. I think it’s taken Juanito by surprise”

“Fuck!” replied Edward “You’re right, we are all trying so hard to support Raj, we’ve forgotten about Juanito, he needs our support just as much. Sorry Raj, we should have been more perceptive”

“It’s not your fault guys. I should have talked to him about this before announcing it to everyone else. It’s just that I saw the dresses in Juanito’s wardrobe and tried one on. That was all I intended to do, then on an impulse I came out here to see what everyone would say”

“Now, don’t beat up on yourself. This is a delicate matter, a new journey and you’re going to have to make a lot of important decisions. Sometimes you will stumble along the way. The important thing is to have the support around you so that you can get up and move on”

“But I will need Juanito’s support and I’ve fallen on my first step”

“Yes problem number one, but lesson learned, now move on and talk to Juanito when you are both ready”

“Thank you Edward”

“Now tuck in, I didn’t slave over a hot oven all afternoon to let my Mum’s apple crumble recipe go cold before it’s eaten”

<>

After dessert the guests split up into smaller groups in the house and in the garden.

“I can’t believe my luck tonight, being here for this revelation. Can’t wait to see what happens next. Did you see the look on his sister’s face, it was priceless. There’s definitely some strange family dynamics going on there. But not surprising, I suppose, given that she thought she had a brother and now turns out to be a sister. This is going to be a great ride watching him change. I wonder if he’ll have the snip. Oh fuck, I just felt that strange feeling in my balls. Even thinking about it gives me the shivers. And when do we start calling him, her. Oh, I can’t wait, I’ve never seen a transformation before, it’s going to be a ball. Oops!”

“Are you finished?” asked Jeremy

“For now, why?”

“Because I’m taking you home, before you embarrass yourself and me in front of any of the guests, or worse, in front of Raj”

“But what did I do?”

“If you can’t see that, there’s probably no point in me telling you” concluded Jeremy.

As Jeremy dragged him away, Brett protested “I was just showing my interest”

<>

As often happens at a party, once one couple leave the rest start to drift away. However on this occasion most of the guests thought they needed to let the household residents deal with the situation in private.

Raj stayed the night, but slept on the sofa, wrapped securely in the sari he had brought with him.

***

Justin was home before Craig and was pacing the floor when he heard Craig pull into the driveway.

When Craig came into the house, he asked “How did it all go tonight, with both Snowy and I away?”

“Oh...the restaurant? That was fine. What about the party?”

“Yes, all went well” replied Craig

“That’s good, now I want to....” but before Justin could continue, Craig said “But you’re not going to believe what happened at the party”

“I don’t care what happened at Edward’s stupid party”

“You will when I tell you about Raj”

“But I want to tell you first”

“Why, did something happen at the restaurant?”

“No, nothing to do with work, but I was thinking about it all night. Will you just be quiet and let me talk”

Craig made a zip motion across his lips, but it did not amuse Justin.

“Craig my love, I have to tell you something I should have told you before. Well actually I shouldn’t have to tell you because I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen. But I did and now I’m ashamed of myself and feel guilty because I did nothing to stop it and because I kept it from you for so long”

Craig resited saying anything and just stared at Justin in a manner that indicated, continue.

“It’s about Jared...I, that is we...had a secret”

“If this is about you two having sex, we’ve been over this ground before”

“No it’s something else, even worse, even illegal”

“Go on”

“You know how my father died in the prison?”

“Yes, he took his own life”

“No he didn’t, Jared arranged it and I even offered to pay for some of it”

“Where did you get the money, that sort of thing must cost heaps?”

“In the end I didn’t pay. Jared paid for all of it, but I was prepared to pay my share, so I’m just as guilty as Jared”

“Fuck, this is serious stuff. That’s conspiracy to murder. Almost as serious as actual murder”

“So you see why I was feeling guilty”

“I can kinda, but you hated your father for all the awful things he did, so why so much guilt?”

“Because I had to keep it a secret, especially after Jared died. Then I didn’t even have him to talk to about it. But you know the worst part is...I kept it from you. I know you probably didn’t really want to know, because now you are in a way a party to it, but I hate keeping secrets from you. I just can’t do it and feel good about myself. Even if it’s a secret you don’t need to, or want to know about”

“So is this a result of talking to Tristan?”

“Yes, it is. He said secrets between partners can eat away at you”

“Fuck, you didn’t tell him did you?”

“Not about the hanging. I told him about Jared and I and our secret relationship. He thinks I didn’t tell you about that, so when he gave me advice on what to do, he thought it was about having sex with Jared. But the result is the same. Secrets aren’t good for the soul. I wanted to tell you and when I couldn’t bring myself to do it, I just got more screwed up inside. I thought I was over it, but when Edward did that with his book, it all came up again and it was so easy to blame him for everything bad I felt inside. Can you forgive me?”

“I forgave you when you told me about your relationship with Jared, didn’t I?”

“Yes, of course you did, so will you....”

“Come here, you big hunk. Of course I forgive you, but I don’t thank you for sharing that with me. Now I have a secret to deal with. But at least we can support each other in knowing”

“I know what you’re saying and I know this doesn’t make what Jared did and I agreed to, right, but he was a convicted murderer who would have probably died in prison eventually. We just hastened his death”

“I hear you, but I won’t comment” Then Craig walked away and busied himself preparing for bed.

***

At 6.00am the following morning, Raj was awakened by the sound of Juanito and Romel talking in the kitchen. Romel said “I’m off now, got a seven o’clock start”

“OK, I won’t be far behind you, just having some juice, then I’ll shower and leave also”

“Bye then”

“Bye, have a good day” concluded Juanito

Raj checked the time and wondered why Juanito was leaving so early. As Juanito walked quietly behind the sofa to the bathroom he heard “What are you doing up so early?”

“What...oh...it’s you. I’m going to work”

“Why so early?”

“Because I want to get out of your way”

“You’re not in my way”

“Then maybe I’m in yours”

“What are you talking about? Are you trying to avoid me?” asked Raj

“Something like that”

“I thought we could talk this morning, I’m not rostered on till dinner shift”

“I don’t feel like talking”

“But we’re going to have to talk sometime, why not now?” asked Raj

“I’m just not ready. You drop a bombshell like that, without warning, tell everyone and I don’t know anything about it. How do you think that makes me feel and look in front of our friends?”

“I’m sorry for doing it that way...it’s just that I suddenly felt comfortable with the company and found the courage to do it right then. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. I know I was wrong not to talk to you first. Please forgive me”

Juanito remained silent, so Raj asked “Are you angry because I want to transition or because I didn’t tell you first?”

“Well both, but mostly because you didn’t discuss it with me. I didn’t have a chance to think about it and how it might change our relationship. I still don’t know what will happen and how I will feel about that. It’s such a shock and I don’t know if I want a relationship with a....”

“Go on say it” Raj demanded

“OK...a trans person”

“Can’t you even bring yourself to say...woman?”

“No...in fact, I’m not sure what you are or what you intend to become, so just leave me alone”

“Very well, you don’t have to leave, I’ll go now. Can I use your room to dress?”

“Knock yourself out” Juanito concluded and returned to the kitchen to make coffee and let Raj use the bedroom and bathroom.

<>

Raj returned ten minutes later, dressed in his male clothes and said “I’ve hung your dress and I’m leaving now. Let me know if you want to talk sometime”

Juanito just replied “Goodbye”

Edward was awakened by Raj closing the door just a little too loudly. He went out to find Juanito in the kitchen stirring his coffee so rapidly it started to spill over onto the kitchen bench.

“It won’t turn into cappuccino just by stirring it like that” Edward joked

“What?”

“Just making a little joke, is it too early?”

“Whatever”

“Are you and Raj going to talk this morning?”

“He’s already left”

“Oh was that him who slammed the front door. Thought it was unusual for Romel to be so noisy. He usually creeps away like a mouse. Why did he leave so early? Did you two have words?”

“Something like that”

“Well you two need to talk this through. It’s no use just avoiding each other”

“I’m not ready to talk to him”

“Then talk to me or Romel, but whoever, you need to start working through your feelings”

“I don’t have any feelings, I feel sort of numb”

“That’s natural when you get such a shock. But you have to break through that barrier and let it out. Preferably with me or Romel rather than an outburst against Raj, that’s definitely not what he needs now”

“I suppose I know that and it’s maybe why I don’t want to talk to him”

“That’s good. See, you do care about him and how he feels”

“Edward, it’s so fuckin’ annoying how you’re always right”

“Can’t help it I guess. Now are you going stop stirring that coffee and pour one for me?”

“Oh...am I...yes, of course”