I Hate This Town - 12. Chapter 12: Bad Start

Airports were awful. He pulled his mask away from his mouth a little to get some fresh air before replacing it. It made him start to panic a bit for no good reason. A little paper mask wasn't going to suffocate him. Alec pushed the unlock button on the rental car’s FOB key. Four times. Three times to settle his nerves and once because odd numbers are the worst. River loaded their luggage into the back of the sleek SUV. He was wearing green plaid pants and a loose black long-sleeved shirt with a neckline low enough to display his multilayered silver and black necklaces. It also exposed the ink spreading across his chest and up his neck. Hair was styled neatly away from his face and his eyes were rimmed with olive green.

He looked unfazed from the flight. Alec felt like trash. His skin was oily, he was too hot after anxiously making his way through TSA, and a woman kept stopping in front of them to check her phone. He was about to explode when River stepped forward.

“Sorry. I couldn't help but notice you seem confused. I happened to catch a glance at your phone. You're headed in the wrong direction.” The older woman, fell all over herself to thank him, and River smiled at her.

“Relax, man. This is just the airport.” River ruffled his hair, drawing Alec’s attention to how sweaty it was. He groaned. No way he did anything before a shower. He hadn't told his father when they'd be arriving, and he didn't plan to let him know they landed either. Alec wanted time to relieve himself of plane and airport anxiety. It would inevitably be replaced with family and hometown anxiety anyway. Stacking one on top of the other would break him down far too quickly.

“So, hear me out. There's a bar in town.”

Alec didn't have to ask which town, even though they were staying 20 minutes away. He frowned, “There was a bar there when we lived there too.”

“This one is nicer. Borderline classy. Well, as classy as Sunnyside gets.”

“We're not staying there. Why would we drink there?” Alec complained as he set up the cars GPS to get them to their hotel.

“We could stay with my mom for the night.” River shrugged.

“How is Julie? Still crying over your unused degree?”

“Hey. She's gotten better. It really shocked her when I moved. It woke her up. Anyway, she's stoked that we're here.” River sounded uneasy and was rubbing at the back of his head. Alec needed to remind himself that he wasn't the only one struggling with their return.

“If we drink, we can camp out on your bedroom floor. Like we used to.” Alec smiled over at his friend.

“You're going to sleep on the floor. I'm still sleeping in a bed.” River chuckled.

“Aren't you supposed to be making this more appealing to me? You're not selling it very well.”

“We both know you'll need a drink later. I'll probably need one or four.”

“Fine. Fine! I'm still going to the hotel to freshen up first though.” Alec relented.

“But of course! You look like death warmed over! I can't be seen with the likes of you!” Alec didn't even need to look at River to know his friend was smirking at him. It was gonna be a long trip.

Freshly showered, Alec ran product through his hair so the chemical treated strands wouldn't frizz. His features had always been more rounded and his short, currently messy haircut made his face look a little better. It gave it structure. His blue eyes were dull and accentuated with bags. Sighing, he pulled a yellow flannel over his black T shirt and rubbed his hands over his black jeans. Now dark green boots or Navy high top sneakers? He secured a simple, silver chain around his neck and decided his shoes should coordinate with his hair. Obviously.

He wandered out of his hotel room when he was ready and patted down the hall. River wasn't too far, luckily. Alec knocked once and swayed from side to side as he waited. River opened his door, his tattooed forearms on display. Now that he'd rolled up his sleeves.

“Be honest. Does the neck tattoo scream, ‘I never thought I'd come back to this hellhole’? Asking for a friend.” Alec Laughed, eyeing the black and red roses peeking out from River’s necklaces.

“Wait until they see your whole torso!” Alec laughed.

“True, I am a walking work of art. How will they cope?” River smiled mischievously as they started to walk.

“You're a walking something.” Alec rolled his eyes.

One drink wasn't going to be enough. Alec was already struggling. Any second now, he might just collapse. He wasn't sure if he'd suffocate or have a heart attack first. He wasn't stupid. He never had been, but naïveté…that Alec had in spades. He should have known who and how his parents were. He should have expected this and planned better. Braced himself.

There are plenty of things he should have done, but it was too late. Staring into his old bedroom, he thought he may actually get sick. It had been steadily building. His father had let them into the house, eyes downcast, as if he were already preparing for a meltdown. Alec had simply looked at him, taking him in. Completely oblivious as to what was to come.

Henry Kennedy had aged. That was expected, but it still surprised Alec. Henry's hair had gone gray and he seemed to have more than his fair share of wrinkles. He looked close to seventy, as opposed to his fifties. Alec stepped into the house and was struck by how similar it was to his childhood. Not much had changed or so he thought. As Alec began to walk around, it dawned on him. The old pinstriped couch, the recliner in the corner, the outdated TV across the room. It finally set in when he reached the fireplace. Everything clicked. A clock, an arrangement of fake flowers, and then his parent’s wedding photo. The mantel had once been filled with pictures of Alec through every major step of his life.

Alec turned away, making his way down the hall that connected to the living room and led to the bedrooms. His school photos were gone too. Not that there were many. Just the ones from high school. He trailed his fingers along the bare wall as it started to set in even more. His father was rambling desperately behind him, but he didn't hear. He was singularly focused on his old bedroom door at the end of the hall.

“Alec, we should sit and catch up!” his father caught his arm, and Alec frowned down at it. He wrenched his arm out of his father's grip and turned the door’s knob. He shoved it open and could do nothing but stare. A cheap plywood desk, a leather office chair that had seen better days, and a plastic potted plant. Oh, he couldn't forget the floor lamp in the corner! The walls were beige in a single watercolor painting Of a boat hung on the wall.

He'd cut them out of his life. It was only fair that they'd done the same. It still felt surreal. It hurt. Alex stumbled as he tried to back out and hands caught him. His father? No way, as per usual, when Alec was primed to fall River caught him.

“Alec let's come sit in the living room.” his father murmured, unable to meet his eye.

The realization hurt, but Alec was suspicious. He knew it should hurt more. He had been in shock, his brain struggling to process the next in his parents’ extensive list of infractions. He was barely aware of River guiding them to the couch. His father offered coffee, tea, juice and even pop. Alec had never been allowed pop as a child. Too much sugar. His mother had reminded him repeatedly that he was too much as a child. Too high energy. ADHD. They found that out later, of course. The inattentive kind.

She only stopped that narrative when he got older and realized things sucked. Major Depressive Disorder. Then he was hard to be around because he was so negative and low energy. The dumbest things scared him and made him nervous. Anxiety and OCD. Alec wet his dry lips with his tongue. Funny how everything she hated about him over the years was a treatable mental issue. If his parents had simply sought help for him, would he have been a different kid? A more well-adjusted adult?

He took a deep breath and looked up. His father quickly looked away. It occurred to Alec that he had been talking. He hadn't heard a word his father had said.

“I'm happy you're home and your mother will be too.” His father was saying now, still refusing to meet his son's eyes.

“Don't lie to me.” Alec snapped. Henry flinched and River shifted next to Alec on the couch.

“I'm not.” His father said softly, “We missed our son.”

“What son?” Alec was only a few steps away from yelling. His fear of his parents had long ago been replaced with rage, “Looking around, it doesn't appear that you ever had a son.”

“Alec- “

“How long did you wait to throw my things away?” Alec continued.

“Please. I don't want this to be a fight.”

“Maybe I do. I kept quiet my entire childhood. How do you make peace with the fact that you did nothing for me? Did erasing me from your narrative make you feel better about yourselves? God, you two are incredible!”

He’d had enough. He really thought he'd be able to manage this better. He stood. Then he made his way to the front door. Alec caught the dismayed expression on his father’s face when he turned to make sure River was following as he left. It gave him a sick sort of satisfaction. For once, he wasn't leaving a conversation with a parent beaten down and broken. Finally, it was the other way around. Except as he got in the car’s passenger side, he began to wonder if that was true. The last hope that he'd had for his parents had collapsed. Alec hadn't known he'd been holding it up. River had somehow taken the keys and Alec let himself be buckled in like a child. River did his own seat belt and then they sat there. Parked in the driveway of the home he'd grown up in. The home he’d fled. The home that now no longer held any trace of him. It was like he'd never been there at all.

Alec wondered if that's what they had wanted. Did they choose to pretend like they'd never been parents? Did the distance and lack of contact make it easy for them to detach themselves from the human they brought into the world? Was it easy? Did they even mourn their loss? Was there ever a moment where they looked around and his absence was so jarring it shook them to their core?

Alec hated himself for every moment he'd missed them. Every time he had dialed when the homesickness won him over. When they'd been struggling and he had thought to ask for money. When he had just needed someone to talk to. Someone to comfort him in a way that only a parent could. Or should. Alec gripped the seat belt and fought off the storm of emotion and threatening tears.

“So... About that drink?” River said.

“Yes. I need all the alcohol.” Alec answered, forcing deep breaths.

He held little hope for the reunion with his mother after how he'd reacted to the house. River started the car and turned on less offensive music that he normally played. Head falling back against the headrest, Alec concentrated on reminding himself who he was. He swallowed the excess spit in his mouth. He refused to let them break him down again. If that was his mother's plan, he'd return home. The house had shown him there really was nothing left for him in Sunnyside.

“Maybe we should just go home.” He muttered.

River turned down the radio, “Whatever you want, man.”

“I don't know what I want. She's my mother, and obviously she brought me into the world and taught me how to use a spoon. After that though...”

“You said you'd feel guilty if you didn't come. Why?” River asked as he watched the road.

“I don't know. A weird sense of loyalty because she birthed me. Your guess is as good as mine.” Alec groaned, confused.

River made a noncommittal noise but otherwise stayed silent. Alec sighed as he noticed what river was doing. He was letting Alec piece things together without influencing his decision. He let his eyes closed again and thought more about the question. Why was he here? Would anything good come from this? There is a very real possibility that this might severely damage his mental health. He worried he might not recover from it.

Nope.

His train of thought was forcibly derailed. No. Alec shook his head and made himself get back on track. He had worked so hard. He'd gotten himself help. He'd spent years with psychiatrists tweaking his meds until they found the combination of dosage and medication that worked for him. No matter what happened on this trip, he'd survive.

“R-River?”

“Yeah, man? Blue eyes flicked to him, and Alec hated the concern in them. He leaned far too heavily on his friend. He worried River too much.

“I'm here for closure. I didn't realize how much I left unresolved.”

“Wounds don't heal when you keep ripping them open. If you let shit fester, it'll infect all of you.” River said with a shrug and a nod.

“Such a fucking poet.” Alec scoffed, hiding a smile.

“Don't be jealous, Alec. It's not cute.” River grinned as they pulled into a small parking lot.

“Jealous of you?” Alex sneered as he got out of the rental, “You wish. You look like a candy land reject who fell into a box of needles.”

“Hey, do you know how much play the pink gets me?” River gasped and batted his eyelashes, “They think I'm innocent and sweet.”

“Little do they know that you're the actual devil.” Alec laughed.

“Ah, only if they want me to be.” River smirked, running the metal ball on his tongue over the back of his teeth. Alec rolled his eyes. There were few things that unnerved him more than metal clinking against teeth.

River pushed open the bar’s door. It wasn't a big place. The floors were an old cherry-stained hardwood and the L-shaped bar to the left matched. There were six tools pushed up to the bar, all made of wood with blue fabric seats. Across from the bar there were booths lining the wall. The pleather in the booths matched the fabric color of the stools, and Alec was impressed at how cohesive it was. The walls were painted dark red and sports and movie posters were pinned up all over. One part of the wall was plastered entirely with dollar bills, and Alec raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure what that was about. There were two doors at the back of the room that he assumed were the bathrooms and that was it. The place wasn't extravagant, but it was clean and busy, which was always a good sign. All the stools were occupied at the bar and many of the booths were full as well. The music drifting overhead was a crooning country song, and Alec’s nose wrinkled. That he hadn't missed.

“If there's one of those digital Juke boxes, I'm gonna play the grossest, most guttural, pig squeal filled song I can find. If my ears are bleeding, there's have to as well.” River said, grimacing up at a speaker.

“You'll offend the sensitive Yee Haw boys!” Alec gasped with fake outrage and River laughed as he slid into one of the booths. River had been right; the place was far nicer than anything Alec had expected. That didn't stop him from noticing the stares they were receiving.

“Oh, Lord! I thought it was you two! Long time no see!” Alec bristled at the voice. It dragged him back to his years as a teen. He stared at the familiar redhead and tried to form words.

“Oh, Veronica Sinclair. It has been a while.” River effortlessly swept in, saving Alec from having to respond.

“Well, River Sorenson, you certainly have changed! Without Alec, I may not have recognized you!” She laughed. Was it incredibly shrill, or was Alec just sensitive because he hated her?

“Yeah. You know, a lot can happen in a decade.” River grinned, returning her two wide smile with a far more mischievous expression.

“Alec, you sure grew! I was taller than you last time I saw you.” Her smile turned his way.

“Growth spurt. Things change from 17 to 27.” Alec shrugged.

“What can I get you boys? On the house, of course! For old times’ sake.”

River listed off a string of things and expertly steered the woman towards the conversation’s end. She was still pretty. Her hair was dyed a purple red and in a high pony that bounced behind her when she bopped away. There were fine lines around her eyes, but other than a little weight, there wasn't much change. Part of Alec had hoped that staying in their small town wouldn't have been kind to her. He was petty and a little bit disappointed.

“You think Veronica knows I'm gay?” River asked tipping salt onto the top of his hand. Alec hadn't even seen her return with drinks. There were tequila shots because River was a sadist and two mixed drinks that looked like rum and Coke.

Alec followed River’s eyes. Their old classmate was behind the bar, leaning against it as she watched River's every move. He got it. The years had been kind to his friend. He stood an inch taller than Alec. Roughly six foot one and the black ink on his body accentuated the slight muscle he had worked to maintain. River’s blue eyes complemented his hair. His nose was pierced on both sides and he still had a ring on either side of his lip like he did in high school. Alec was surprised Veronica didn't think they were freaks.

“We could give her a show?” River waggled his eyebrows before popping a lime into his mouth.

“No. It's like kissing a sibling. Plus, you'll taste like lime. Gross.” Alec shook his head.

“We could play pool and I could grope you? I bet they'd shit!” River laughed, and Alec flipped him the bird before taking his own shot. Minus salt and lime.

He was sipping on his cocktail and listening to River complain about a client when he vaguely registered the bar doors opening behind him. His back was to them and he thought nothing of it. Alec laughed as River went through another truly harrowing customer service story. Who knew that getting up close and personal with people to stab ink into their skin, or just stab them in general, could be so awful? Then he stopped abruptly in the middle of a sentence.

River’s face paled and his eyes went wide,” You know, I'm not feeling great. I've had too much. Let's cut out early before I get sloppy.”

Alec glanced down at River’s half-finished drink and a singular empty shot, “No way. That's nothing for you. You're a professional. Hang on, I'll get the next round. Did you open a tab or- “

As he turned to leave the booth, River’s hand clamped down on his wrist, “Alec, I don't feel good. Let's go.”

Alec pulled his hand from his friend's grip. Rubbing where River had made his watch dig into his skin, “Why are you acting so weird?”

Alec frowned and turned. River was trying to say something, but Alec didn't hear him. He couldn't. His brain had violently slammed the emergency button and Alec’s chest tightened. No way. There was no way! He'd been in town for a matter of hours! This couldn't be happening to him! He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid! Why did they go to a bar in town? They could have easily driven back to where they were staying. He turned away from the bar and pawed for River's hand frantically.

“It's fine. I paid right away. We'll just sneak out.” River said.

Alec winced as a bright voice lifted above the normal bar noises, “Look who it is! Can you believe it?”

The rational part of Alec’s mind thought maybe Veronica meant nothing by calling attention to them. The hurt teen inside demanded she was trying to make this as awkward as possible. Neither voice was paid attention to. Alec’s brain short circuited as he looked. His eyes met deep brown and his heart rate increased as panic dug claws into his respiratory system as well. For the second time that day. Perfect. He'd never felt like he was going to pass out before. Maybe this time he'd have a heart attack. At this point, his money was on both.

He should have never come home.