The Drop in Centre

[Wayne Gray]

"Do you do this professionally?!"
As I destroy the concept of what someone has of a massage.

[weinerdog]

On 7/25/2025 at 7:57 PM, Wayne Gray said:

"I feel like we could make it go quicklier."

YouTuber teaching me new wordies.

Are you going to work it in one of your stories?

[kbois]

On 7/25/2025 at 10:57 PM, Wayne Gray said:

"I feel like we could make it go quicklier."

YouTuber teaching me new wordies.

Does this mean we can add adjectives and verb tenses to our vocabulary? 

Quicklier, Quicklierer, Quicklierest. 

Quicklier, Quickliering, Quicklieren

 

Also:

21 hours ago, Wayne Gray said:

LOL. Yes ...

This is why we can't have nice things. 🤣🤣

[Mikiesboy]

***Warning, long post ahead***

There's been a thing here lately, about sexual abuse and some junior hockey players. They were found not guilty of that abuse, but this left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because i believe the court wrong, i don't think it was wrong, but because of the morals here. Morally what happened was wrong. In a nutshell... a guy had sex with a girl. Then he texted his buddies to come over for a little fun...Now the room is filled with 5 big guys and one small naked girl. She says she did things because she was terrified of what they might do to her. 
 

I believe that. I have lived that. But it was this article that brought a tear to my eyes this morning.  If you are a survivor or know one, like me. Then read. If you want to know how to help people who are survivors , read this. If you are tired of how men are thought of these days, read about the two young men in this.  

tim

The article below is by Farrah Khan, Contributor to the Toronto Star

Farrah Khan is a gender justice advocate, educator, and counsellor who has worked in the movement to end sexual violence for over 25 years. 

 

One of the most high-profile sexual assault cases in Canadian sports history has ended in acquittals, a stark reminder that the legal system feels less like a path to justice and more like an obstacle course built to exhaust and discredit people who report. So where does that leave us? What can we do after the verdict, outrage and inevitable backlash?

We know what comes next: There will be takes declaring the “death” of #MeToo, despite its founder, Tarana Burke’s steady reminder that Me Too is a movement, not a moment. Misinformation and rape myths will be plastered across social media, echoed in comment sections and dropped casually into family group chats. Every phone notification will give you a sinking feeling in your stomach, like a brick thrown into water.

If you are a survivor, you might be wondering if anyone is safe to trust with your story. We ask so much of you: to disclose, report, testify, be strong. The assumption being that bravery is something survivors owe the world. We asked this from E.M., the complainant in the trial of five hockey players from the 2018 Canadian junior national team.

 

What if being brave wasn’t something survivors are expected to do? Instead of twisting our hands when verdicts such as these come down, what if we outstretched them and flipped the script? What if being brave was something we, as community members, do when someone discloses they have been subjected to sexual assault?

How we respond to disclosures can profoundly impact a survivor’s healing. According to Statistics Canada (2019), there were approximately 940,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada in a year, yet only 6 per cent were reported to police. These numbers aren’t just statistics; they are people we know, love, and cherish in our communities.

Unknowing to you, a survivor might be working up the courage to share what they have been subjected to, especially in light of the Hockey Canada verdict. How we show up in those moments can shape a survivor’s world.

I know this not only because I’ve supported countless survivors but also because I am one. As I sit with the outcome of this trial, I’m brought back to a memory of when I was a 12-year-old who had never left me: the moment two people showed me care as I disclosed for the first time.

They were two 13-year-old boys.

These two boys sat across from me at the back of our elementary school bus. They were goofing off like usual, slapping the backs of seats, tossing jabs. I sat still, silently staring at the peeling green vinyl seat, tears streaking down my face. I didn’t want to go home. My grandfather was there and I knew what would happen. I couldn’t keep pretending. So I told them: no big speech, just a few broken sentences between sobs.

And they stopped. No teasing. No questions. Just quiet. They listened. Then they walked me home and sat on the front steps until my parents arrived. One of them offered to stay with me to protect me. We weren’t close friends. But still, they showed up. They checked in throughout the year. No fanfare. Just presence. That moment didn’t fix anything, but it cracked the silence vast enough for me to breathe.

A couple of years after that first disclosure, I created The BRAVE model to help my family and peers understand what support could look like for survivors. I was scared of what would happen if I told anyone else.

And I’m not alone in that. A 2019 report from Statistics Canada found that many survivors fear not being taken seriously. One-in-five victims of sexual assault in Canada is subjected to victim-blaming or is made to feel responsible. If you’re reading this and experiencing something similar, I want you to know: it is not your fault. I believe you. You are not alone.

The BRAVE model is an easy-to-remember and important-to-practice, five-step framework for responding to disclosures of sexual assault. It’s about staying present, not perfect, when it matters most.

B: Begin by listening

When someone tells you they’ve been subjected to harm, your first job is to listen, not to investigate, not to fix. Listen. Set aside distractions. Make space. Don’t press for details. Follow their lead. Let your body language say: I’m here. I’m with you.

You might feel unsure or overwhelmed. That’s OK and perfectly normal. Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. This moment is about them, not you. You will make time for self-care after the conversation. 

R: Respect confidentiality

What someone shares with you is theirs. It is not yours to post, whisper about, or use to prove a point. Never share someone’s story without explicit permission. If a child is in danger or there’s an immediate risk, follow legal and safety protocols. Otherwise, remember: survivors get to choose if, when, and how they share their story.

A: Ask what support looks like for them

Too often, we assume what people need. We jump to action before asking a simple, powerful question: What does support look like for you? Do they want help finding resources? Do they just need someone to sit with them? Do they want to laugh, cry, play video games, or watch a favourite show? Let them define care and justice. Your role is to honour their needs, not decide for them.

V: Validate

Survivors are often met with doubt, shame, and silence. You can interrupt that by showing that you believe in, care for, and honour them. Some ways to express this can be: It wasn’t your fault. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Affirm them, remind them that they have support, including you. 

E: Empathize

Your role is to have compassion for the person sharing with you and yourself. Bearing witness to harm has impacts. Being gentle with yourself is a vital part of providing good support. It is normal to have feelings after hearing a disclosure. Reach out for confidential support through a sexual assault centre or community organization. Make your self-care plan. 

Through my work as a counsellor, educator and advocate, I have learned that disclosure is not a one-time event. Our social location, including, but not limited to, race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, and citizenship status, impacts how we are heard, heal and access justice as survivors.

I saw this as a peer educator in Toronto high schools, as a therapist supporting women who had been subjected to sexual and gender-based violence, and while leading a national framework to address campus sexual violence across Canada.

Yet, every setting has a universal truth: survivors want to be heard without judgment. To be supported without hesitation. We can all show up for survivors like those two boys did for me.

 

 

To E.M., may you find rest. May you know you are cared for.

To all survivors, may your story always be met with a soft place to land.

Being brave isn’t a one-time action; it’s a practice of choosing to show up for each other out loud. You don’t have to have all the answers. You can be that safer person for survivors. Show up. Do the work. Learn. Be BRAVE.

[chris191070]

37 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

***Warning, long post ahead***

There's been a thing here lately, about sexual abuse and some junior hockey players. They were found not guilty of that abuse, but this left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because i believe the court wrong, i don't think it was wrong, but because of the morals here. Morally what happened was wrong. In a nutshell... a guy had sex with a girl. Then he texted his buddies to come over for a little fun...Now the room is filled with 5 big guys and one small naked girl. She says she did things because she was terrified of what they might do to her. 
 

I believe that. I have lived that. But it was this article that brought a tear to my eyes this morning.  If you are a survivor or know one, like me. Then read. If you want to know how to help people who are survivors , read this. If you are tired of how men are thought of these days, read about the two young men in this.  

tim

The article below is by Farrah Khan, Contributor to the Toronto Star

Farrah Khan is a gender justice advocate, educator, and counsellor who has worked in the movement to end sexual violence for over 25 years. 

 

One of the most high-profile sexual assault cases in Canadian sports history has ended in acquittals, a stark reminder that the legal system feels less like a path to justice and more like an obstacle course built to exhaust and discredit people who report. So where does that leave us? What can we do after the verdict, outrage and inevitable backlash?

We know what comes next: There will be takes declaring the “death” of #MeToo, despite its founder, Tarana Burke’s steady reminder that Me Too is a movement, not a moment. Misinformation and rape myths will be plastered across social media, echoed in comment sections and dropped casually into family group chats. Every phone notification will give you a sinking feeling in your stomach, like a brick thrown into water.

If you are a survivor, you might be wondering if anyone is safe to trust with your story. We ask so much of you: to disclose, report, testify, be strong. The assumption being that bravery is something survivors owe the world. We asked this from E.M., the complainant in the trial of five hockey players from the 2018 Canadian junior national team.

 

What if being brave wasn’t something survivors are expected to do? Instead of twisting our hands when verdicts such as these come down, what if we outstretched them and flipped the script? What if being brave was something we, as community members, do when someone discloses they have been subjected to sexual assault?

How we respond to disclosures can profoundly impact a survivor’s healing. According to Statistics Canada (2019), there were approximately 940,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada in a year, yet only 6 per cent were reported to police. These numbers aren’t just statistics; they are people we know, love, and cherish in our communities.

Unknowing to you, a survivor might be working up the courage to share what they have been subjected to, especially in light of the Hockey Canada verdict. How we show up in those moments can shape a survivor’s world.

I know this not only because I’ve supported countless survivors but also because I am one. As I sit with the outcome of this trial, I’m brought back to a memory of when I was a 12-year-old who had never left me: the moment two people showed me care as I disclosed for the first time.

They were two 13-year-old boys.

These two boys sat across from me at the back of our elementary school bus. They were goofing off like usual, slapping the backs of seats, tossing jabs. I sat still, silently staring at the peeling green vinyl seat, tears streaking down my face. I didn’t want to go home. My grandfather was there and I knew what would happen. I couldn’t keep pretending. So I told them: no big speech, just a few broken sentences between sobs.

And they stopped. No teasing. No questions. Just quiet. They listened. Then they walked me home and sat on the front steps until my parents arrived. One of them offered to stay with me to protect me. We weren’t close friends. But still, they showed up. They checked in throughout the year. No fanfare. Just presence. That moment didn’t fix anything, but it cracked the silence vast enough for me to breathe.

A couple of years after that first disclosure, I created The BRAVE model to help my family and peers understand what support could look like for survivors. I was scared of what would happen if I told anyone else.

And I’m not alone in that. A 2019 report from Statistics Canada found that many survivors fear not being taken seriously. One-in-five victims of sexual assault in Canada is subjected to victim-blaming or is made to feel responsible. If you’re reading this and experiencing something similar, I want you to know: it is not your fault. I believe you. You are not alone.

The BRAVE model is an easy-to-remember and important-to-practice, five-step framework for responding to disclosures of sexual assault. It’s about staying present, not perfect, when it matters most.

B: Begin by listening

When someone tells you they’ve been subjected to harm, your first job is to listen, not to investigate, not to fix. Listen. Set aside distractions. Make space. Don’t press for details. Follow their lead. Let your body language say: I’m here. I’m with you.

You might feel unsure or overwhelmed. That’s OK and perfectly normal. Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. This moment is about them, not you. You will make time for self-care after the conversation. 

R: Respect confidentiality

What someone shares with you is theirs. It is not yours to post, whisper about, or use to prove a point. Never share someone’s story without explicit permission. If a child is in danger or there’s an immediate risk, follow legal and safety protocols. Otherwise, remember: survivors get to choose if, when, and how they share their story.

A: Ask what support looks like for them

Too often, we assume what people need. We jump to action before asking a simple, powerful question: What does support look like for you? Do they want help finding resources? Do they just need someone to sit with them? Do they want to laugh, cry, play video games, or watch a favourite show? Let them define care and justice. Your role is to honour their needs, not decide for them.

V: Validate

Survivors are often met with doubt, shame, and silence. You can interrupt that by showing that you believe in, care for, and honour them. Some ways to express this can be: It wasn’t your fault. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Affirm them, remind them that they have support, including you. 

E: Empathize

Your role is to have compassion for the person sharing with you and yourself. Bearing witness to harm has impacts. Being gentle with yourself is a vital part of providing good support. It is normal to have feelings after hearing a disclosure. Reach out for confidential support through a sexual assault centre or community organization. Make your self-care plan. 

Through my work as a counsellor, educator and advocate, I have learned that disclosure is not a one-time event. Our social location, including, but not limited to, race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, and citizenship status, impacts how we are heard, heal and access justice as survivors.

I saw this as a peer educator in Toronto high schools, as a therapist supporting women who had been subjected to sexual and gender-based violence, and while leading a national framework to address campus sexual violence across Canada.

Yet, every setting has a universal truth: survivors want to be heard without judgment. To be supported without hesitation. We can all show up for survivors like those two boys did for me.

 

 

To E.M., may you find rest. May you know you are cared for.

To all survivors, may your story always be met with a soft place to land.

Being brave isn’t a one-time action; it’s a practice of choosing to show up for each other out loud. You don’t have to have all the answers. You can be that safer person for survivors. Show up. Do the work. Learn. Be BRAVE.

A sad but very informative article.

[Wayne Gray]

52 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

***Warning, long post ahead***

There's been a thing here lately, about sexual abuse and some junior hockey players. They were found not guilty of that abuse, but this left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because i believe the court wrong, i don't think it was wrong, but because of the morals here. Morally what happened was wrong. In a nutshell... a guy had sex with a girl. Then he texted his buddies to come over for a little fun...Now the room is filled with 5 big guys and one small naked girl. She says she did things because she was terrified of what they might do to her. 
 

I believe that. I have lived that. But it was this article that brought a tear to my eyes this morning.  If you are a survivor or know one, like me. Then read. If you want to know how to help people who are survivors , read this. If you are tired of how men are thought of these days, read about the two young men in this.  

tim

The article below is by Farrah Khan, Contributor to the Toronto Star

Farrah Khan is a gender justice advocate, educator, and counsellor who has worked in the movement to end sexual violence for over 25 years. 

 

One of the most high-profile sexual assault cases in Canadian sports history has ended in acquittals, a stark reminder that the legal system feels less like a path to justice and more like an obstacle course built to exhaust and discredit people who report. So where does that leave us? What can we do after the verdict, outrage and inevitable backlash?

We know what comes next: There will be takes declaring the “death” of #MeToo, despite its founder, Tarana Burke’s steady reminder that Me Too is a movement, not a moment. Misinformation and rape myths will be plastered across social media, echoed in comment sections and dropped casually into family group chats. Every phone notification will give you a sinking feeling in your stomach, like a brick thrown into water.

If you are a survivor, you might be wondering if anyone is safe to trust with your story. We ask so much of you: to disclose, report, testify, be strong. The assumption being that bravery is something survivors owe the world. We asked this from E.M., the complainant in the trial of five hockey players from the 2018 Canadian junior national team.

 

What if being brave wasn’t something survivors are expected to do? Instead of twisting our hands when verdicts such as these come down, what if we outstretched them and flipped the script? What if being brave was something we, as community members, do when someone discloses they have been subjected to sexual assault?

How we respond to disclosures can profoundly impact a survivor’s healing. According to Statistics Canada (2019), there were approximately 940,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada in a year, yet only 6 per cent were reported to police. These numbers aren’t just statistics; they are people we know, love, and cherish in our communities.

Unknowing to you, a survivor might be working up the courage to share what they have been subjected to, especially in light of the Hockey Canada verdict. How we show up in those moments can shape a survivor’s world.

I know this not only because I’ve supported countless survivors but also because I am one. As I sit with the outcome of this trial, I’m brought back to a memory of when I was a 12-year-old who had never left me: the moment two people showed me care as I disclosed for the first time.

They were two 13-year-old boys.

These two boys sat across from me at the back of our elementary school bus. They were goofing off like usual, slapping the backs of seats, tossing jabs. I sat still, silently staring at the peeling green vinyl seat, tears streaking down my face. I didn’t want to go home. My grandfather was there and I knew what would happen. I couldn’t keep pretending. So I told them: no big speech, just a few broken sentences between sobs.

And they stopped. No teasing. No questions. Just quiet. They listened. Then they walked me home and sat on the front steps until my parents arrived. One of them offered to stay with me to protect me. We weren’t close friends. But still, they showed up. They checked in throughout the year. No fanfare. Just presence. That moment didn’t fix anything, but it cracked the silence vast enough for me to breathe.

A couple of years after that first disclosure, I created The BRAVE model to help my family and peers understand what support could look like for survivors. I was scared of what would happen if I told anyone else.

And I’m not alone in that. A 2019 report from Statistics Canada found that many survivors fear not being taken seriously. One-in-five victims of sexual assault in Canada is subjected to victim-blaming or is made to feel responsible. If you’re reading this and experiencing something similar, I want you to know: it is not your fault. I believe you. You are not alone.

The BRAVE model is an easy-to-remember and important-to-practice, five-step framework for responding to disclosures of sexual assault. It’s about staying present, not perfect, when it matters most.

B: Begin by listening

When someone tells you they’ve been subjected to harm, your first job is to listen, not to investigate, not to fix. Listen. Set aside distractions. Make space. Don’t press for details. Follow their lead. Let your body language say: I’m here. I’m with you.

You might feel unsure or overwhelmed. That’s OK and perfectly normal. Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. This moment is about them, not you. You will make time for self-care after the conversation. 

R: Respect confidentiality

What someone shares with you is theirs. It is not yours to post, whisper about, or use to prove a point. Never share someone’s story without explicit permission. If a child is in danger or there’s an immediate risk, follow legal and safety protocols. Otherwise, remember: survivors get to choose if, when, and how they share their story.

A: Ask what support looks like for them

Too often, we assume what people need. We jump to action before asking a simple, powerful question: What does support look like for you? Do they want help finding resources? Do they just need someone to sit with them? Do they want to laugh, cry, play video games, or watch a favourite show? Let them define care and justice. Your role is to honour their needs, not decide for them.

V: Validate

Survivors are often met with doubt, shame, and silence. You can interrupt that by showing that you believe in, care for, and honour them. Some ways to express this can be: It wasn’t your fault. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Affirm them, remind them that they have support, including you. 

E: Empathize

Your role is to have compassion for the person sharing with you and yourself. Bearing witness to harm has impacts. Being gentle with yourself is a vital part of providing good support. It is normal to have feelings after hearing a disclosure. Reach out for confidential support through a sexual assault centre or community organization. Make your self-care plan. 

Through my work as a counsellor, educator and advocate, I have learned that disclosure is not a one-time event. Our social location, including, but not limited to, race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, and citizenship status, impacts how we are heard, heal and access justice as survivors.

I saw this as a peer educator in Toronto high schools, as a therapist supporting women who had been subjected to sexual and gender-based violence, and while leading a national framework to address campus sexual violence across Canada.

Yet, every setting has a universal truth: survivors want to be heard without judgment. To be supported without hesitation. We can all show up for survivors like those two boys did for me.

 

 

To E.M., may you find rest. May you know you are cared for.

To all survivors, may your story always be met with a soft place to land.

Being brave isn’t a one-time action; it’s a practice of choosing to show up for each other out loud. You don’t have to have all the answers. You can be that safer person for survivors. Show up. Do the work. Learn. Be BRAVE.

Thanks for sharing, tim. 💚

[kbois]

54 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

***Warning, long post ahead***

There's been a thing here lately, about sexual abuse and some junior hockey players. They were found not guilty of that abuse, but this left a bad taste in my mouth. Not because i believe the court wrong, i don't think it was wrong, but because of the morals here. Morally what happened was wrong. In a nutshell... a guy had sex with a girl. Then he texted his buddies to come over for a little fun...Now the room is filled with 5 big guys and one small naked girl. She says she did things because she was terrified of what they might do to her. 
 

I believe that. I have lived that. But it was this article that brought a tear to my eyes this morning.  If you are a survivor or know one, like me. Then read. If you want to know how to help people who are survivors , read this. If you are tired of how men are thought of these days, read about the two young men in this.  

tim

The article below is by Farrah Khan, Contributor to the Toronto Star

Farrah Khan is a gender justice advocate, educator, and counsellor who has worked in the movement to end sexual violence for over 25 years. 

 

One of the most high-profile sexual assault cases in Canadian sports history has ended in acquittals, a stark reminder that the legal system feels less like a path to justice and more like an obstacle course built to exhaust and discredit people who report. So where does that leave us? What can we do after the verdict, outrage and inevitable backlash?

We know what comes next: There will be takes declaring the “death” of #MeToo, despite its founder, Tarana Burke’s steady reminder that Me Too is a movement, not a moment. Misinformation and rape myths will be plastered across social media, echoed in comment sections and dropped casually into family group chats. Every phone notification will give you a sinking feeling in your stomach, like a brick thrown into water.

If you are a survivor, you might be wondering if anyone is safe to trust with your story. We ask so much of you: to disclose, report, testify, be strong. The assumption being that bravery is something survivors owe the world. We asked this from E.M., the complainant in the trial of five hockey players from the 2018 Canadian junior national team.

 

What if being brave wasn’t something survivors are expected to do? Instead of twisting our hands when verdicts such as these come down, what if we outstretched them and flipped the script? What if being brave was something we, as community members, do when someone discloses they have been subjected to sexual assault?

How we respond to disclosures can profoundly impact a survivor’s healing. According to Statistics Canada (2019), there were approximately 940,000 incidents of sexual assault in Canada in a year, yet only 6 per cent were reported to police. These numbers aren’t just statistics; they are people we know, love, and cherish in our communities.

Unknowing to you, a survivor might be working up the courage to share what they have been subjected to, especially in light of the Hockey Canada verdict. How we show up in those moments can shape a survivor’s world.

I know this not only because I’ve supported countless survivors but also because I am one. As I sit with the outcome of this trial, I’m brought back to a memory of when I was a 12-year-old who had never left me: the moment two people showed me care as I disclosed for the first time.

They were two 13-year-old boys.

These two boys sat across from me at the back of our elementary school bus. They were goofing off like usual, slapping the backs of seats, tossing jabs. I sat still, silently staring at the peeling green vinyl seat, tears streaking down my face. I didn’t want to go home. My grandfather was there and I knew what would happen. I couldn’t keep pretending. So I told them: no big speech, just a few broken sentences between sobs.

And they stopped. No teasing. No questions. Just quiet. They listened. Then they walked me home and sat on the front steps until my parents arrived. One of them offered to stay with me to protect me. We weren’t close friends. But still, they showed up. They checked in throughout the year. No fanfare. Just presence. That moment didn’t fix anything, but it cracked the silence vast enough for me to breathe.

A couple of years after that first disclosure, I created The BRAVE model to help my family and peers understand what support could look like for survivors. I was scared of what would happen if I told anyone else.

And I’m not alone in that. A 2019 report from Statistics Canada found that many survivors fear not being taken seriously. One-in-five victims of sexual assault in Canada is subjected to victim-blaming or is made to feel responsible. If you’re reading this and experiencing something similar, I want you to know: it is not your fault. I believe you. You are not alone.

The BRAVE model is an easy-to-remember and important-to-practice, five-step framework for responding to disclosures of sexual assault. It’s about staying present, not perfect, when it matters most.

B: Begin by listening

When someone tells you they’ve been subjected to harm, your first job is to listen, not to investigate, not to fix. Listen. Set aside distractions. Make space. Don’t press for details. Follow their lead. Let your body language say: I’m here. I’m with you.

You might feel unsure or overwhelmed. That’s OK and perfectly normal. Take some deep breaths and ground yourself. This moment is about them, not you. You will make time for self-care after the conversation. 

R: Respect confidentiality

What someone shares with you is theirs. It is not yours to post, whisper about, or use to prove a point. Never share someone’s story without explicit permission. If a child is in danger or there’s an immediate risk, follow legal and safety protocols. Otherwise, remember: survivors get to choose if, when, and how they share their story.

A: Ask what support looks like for them

Too often, we assume what people need. We jump to action before asking a simple, powerful question: What does support look like for you? Do they want help finding resources? Do they just need someone to sit with them? Do they want to laugh, cry, play video games, or watch a favourite show? Let them define care and justice. Your role is to honour their needs, not decide for them.

V: Validate

Survivors are often met with doubt, shame, and silence. You can interrupt that by showing that you believe in, care for, and honour them. Some ways to express this can be: It wasn’t your fault. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Affirm them, remind them that they have support, including you. 

E: Empathize

Your role is to have compassion for the person sharing with you and yourself. Bearing witness to harm has impacts. Being gentle with yourself is a vital part of providing good support. It is normal to have feelings after hearing a disclosure. Reach out for confidential support through a sexual assault centre or community organization. Make your self-care plan. 

Through my work as a counsellor, educator and advocate, I have learned that disclosure is not a one-time event. Our social location, including, but not limited to, race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, and citizenship status, impacts how we are heard, heal and access justice as survivors.

I saw this as a peer educator in Toronto high schools, as a therapist supporting women who had been subjected to sexual and gender-based violence, and while leading a national framework to address campus sexual violence across Canada.

Yet, every setting has a universal truth: survivors want to be heard without judgment. To be supported without hesitation. We can all show up for survivors like those two boys did for me.

 

 

To E.M., may you find rest. May you know you are cared for.

To all survivors, may your story always be met with a soft place to land.

Being brave isn’t a one-time action; it’s a practice of choosing to show up for each other out loud. You don’t have to have all the answers. You can be that safer person for survivors. Show up. Do the work. Learn. Be BRAVE.

This is a very powerful article. I wish I had seen this back when we were dealing with the fallout from what happened to my son. Thanks for sharing tim. 

[MichaelS36]

The whole junior hockey thing has been a mess. 

I've read a lot about it.

I'm a big man. I am well aware of how effective my size can be. I'm well aware of how frightening I can be. I used this often when I had to. I can imagine how frightened this young woman would have been surrounded by five guys like me. They were not friends to her, she didn't know them really. 

A lot was wrong here. Did they rape her, no, I don't think so. Was she so afraid she tried to keep them 'on side' by offering herself up. Yes. Did these guys think that was what was happening? No, I don't think so.  They were drunk, hot, horny young men, they thought she was okay with it. 

Should this have gone to court? No way in hell. All it did was ruin lives. Should this have been handled differently, yes.  The young woman did not want this in court. No one on the legal side cared. 

As Mr. Bumble said in Oliver Twist, ...If the law supposes that, the law is an ass. 

I feel sorry for her, aka E.M. and also the men who were boys at the time. 

I feel sorry for victims like her, like my husband and so many more. The courts don't do too good of a job with this kind of thing. It's really not the 'help' the victims need. 

The author's story was so touching. Those two 13 year old boys really stepped up and listened. Beautiful.  Listening, being present is what victims really want. Just to be heard and cared for. 

Edited July 27, 2025 by MichaelS36

[Kitt]

48 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

 

Listening, being present is what victims really want. Just to be heard and cared for. 

Isn't that what all of us really want? To matter?

[MichaelS36]

52 minutes ago, Kitt said:

Isn't that what all of us really want? To matter?

In a word, yes.  But we're talking about victims of abuse and the type of care they need. It's a more than simply mattering, they need to be heard and not be judged or dragged unwillingly through the courts just to be told the men who raped them or nearly killed them, like they did tim, are going free.  tim's assailants were never caught, but he still relives that even with all the therapy...it doesn't just go away. 

It becomes easier, but there are still times he needs someone to hear him.  Generally, people don't want to listen to these horrible stories. I don't blame them.

Sorry, I'm not trying to dismiss your thoughts because you're right we all want to be heard.  I think the group here does a good job with that. Sadly, it's our own families who often don't.  

I know you have been there for tim and me and we're both grateful for that.  I hope you know that should you need me, you can pm me anytime. 

[kbois]

40 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

In a word, yes.  But we're talking about victims of abuse and the type of care they need. It's a more than simply mattering, they need to be heard and not be judged or dragged unwillingly through the courts just to be told the men who raped them or nearly killed them, like they did tim, are going free.  tim's assailants were never caught, but he still relives that even with all the therapy...it doesn't just go away. 

It becomes easier, but there are still times he needs someone to hear him.  Generally, people don't want to listen to these horrible stories. I don't blame them.

Sorry, I'm not trying to dismiss your thoughts because you're right we all want to be heard.  I think the group here does a good job with that. Sadly, it's our own families who often don't.  

I know you have been there for tim and me and we're both grateful for that.  I hope you know that should you need me, you can pm me anytime. 

It's only been the past couple of years that I've learned how important listening is. My son will talk about what happened to him in a very specific, and repetitive way. It's always difficult to keep my thoughts to myself because so much of his thinking comes out as being very hurtful to others. I've learned not to contradict him and just let him be heard. 

I did read some news accounts of what happened in your area. Sad to say, its similar to a lot of incidents in the US. 

There are always two sides to every story and the only ones who know the truth are those involved. In almost every case like this, alcohol is a huge contributor. There's so much on the line for everyone involved. I can see why this case went from a jury trial to a judgemental one. 

In the US, the prosecution has to prove their case beyond a reasonable doubt. This is virtually impossible with the circumstances that were provided. 

All around its a very sad case where the repercussions will last a lifetime. 

[MichaelS36]

23 minutes ago, kbois said:

t's always difficult to keep my thoughts to myself because so much of his thinking comes out as being very hurtful to others. I've learned not to contradict him and just let him be heard. 

Your son was hurt by family. I think that's the worst. It's natural to want to say something but we shouldn't unless we are asked. 

tim's things happened over a number of years, first with his father, then Jeff and then the men who nearly killed him. tim repeats things, because there is no answer, there's no escape. And then he'll say nothing for months until something triggers a memory.  The article he's talked about today here and the whole case has brought up memories for him, and I'm sure many others. 

The law says we will charge the assailants, so the victim doesn't have a choice. EM had no choice, her mother called the police, the police looked into it and charged the five players.  In this case it was the wrong thing to do for EM and the five players. 

Should you have called the police? Would your son have been better off? I don't know, I don't think so.  Should the culprit be in jail? In my opinion, yes, he should be.  But would that matter to your son, I can't answer that for him. 

He may want to look into what the law can do for him at a future time.  I just hope he can find his way to peace and a good life. 

 

[Brayon]

I think this is AI, but it hit me directly in the feels today.

[MichaelS36]

11 minutes ago, Brayon said:

I think this is AI, but it hit me directly in the feels today.

Amen, my friend. Amen.

[Mikiesboy]

jeez.. i'm sorry.  It wasn't my intention to f-up people's Sunday.   

i've been cooking most of the day or washing dishes.  i made a strawberry apple crisp and these...  https://www.slenderkitchen.com/recipe/lentil-meatballs-quick-and-easy

 

[Kitt]

4 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

In a word, yes.  But we're talking about victims of abuse and the type of care they need. It's a more than simply mattering, they need to be heard and not be judged or dragged unwillingly through the courts just to be told the men who raped them or nearly killed them, like they did tim, are going free.  tim's assailants were never caught, but he still relives that even with all the therapy...it doesn't just go away. 

It becomes easier, but there are still times he needs someone to hear him.  Generally, people don't want to listen to these horrible stories. I don't blame them.

Sorry, I'm not trying to dismiss your thoughts because you're right we all want to be heard.  I think the group here does a good job with that. Sadly, it's our own families who often don't.  

I know you have been there for tim and me and we're both grateful for that.  I hope you know that should you need me, you can pm me anytime. 

You and Tim, as well as ALL the people here in the Drop In Center, are always welcome in my pm.   

[chris191070]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

jeez.. i'm sorry.  It wasn't my intention to f-up people's Sunday.   

i've been cooking most of the day or washing dishes.  i made a strawberry apple crisp and these...  https://www.slenderkitchen.com/recipe/lentil-meatballs-quick-and-easy

 

That sounds yummy 😋 

[Kitt]

1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

jeez.. i'm sorry.  It wasn't my intention to f-up people's Sunday.   

i've been cooking most of the day or washing dishes.  i made a strawberry apple crisp and these...  https://www.slenderkitchen.com/recipe/lentil-meatballs-quick-and-easy

 

Didnt mess up my day, just started the gears turning. ❤️

[Wayne Gray]

3 minutes ago, Kitt said:

Didnt mess up my day, just started the gears turning. ❤️

Exactly.

Attention to this kind of thing is never comfortable, but it's necessary if we've any hope of improving.

[Mikiesboy]

16 minutes ago, chris191070 said:

That sounds yummy 😋 

They are. Do you do veggie options at your school? 

[chris191070]

6 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

They are. Do you do veggie options at your school? 

Yeah, one meat dish and one vegetarian dish every day.

With Monday being only vegetarian and Friday being fish and one vegetarian dish.

All meals served with vegetables, which the children must have.

Edited July 27, 2025 by chris191070

[Mikiesboy]

3 minutes ago, chris191070 said:

Yeah, one meat dish and one vegetarian dish every day.

With Monday being only vegetarian and Friday being fish and one vegetarian dish.

Oh that's great.  Even my meat-eater Husband is enjoying less meat these days.  We all feel better for it. 

[Page Scrawler]

3 minutes ago, chris191070 said:

Yeah, one meat dish and one vegetarian dish every day.

With Monday being only vegetarian and Friday being fish and one vegetarian dish.

All meals served with vegetables, which the children must have.

I like the idea of "Meatless Monday". I've been implementing it at least two or three times a month.

That would never hold water with my father, who has...outdated ideas about how eating meat = masculine.  🤦‍♂️

[MichaelS36]

56 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Oh that's great.  Even my meat-eater Husband is enjoying less meat these days.  We all feel better for it. 

Yeah, I have to admit it. I've always loved vegetables with meat, but I have to admit I'm happy to try some non-meat meals.

 

 

[Reader1810]

4 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

jeez.. i'm sorry.  It wasn't my intention to f-up people's Sunday.   

i've been cooking most of the day or washing dishes.  i made a strawberry apple crisp and these...  https://www.slenderkitchen.com/recipe/lentil-meatballs-quick-and-easy

 

No worries, tim. 

I realize, they’re grown up now, but I have to say I am massively impressed  with those two thirteen year old boys.  They adulted in ways some adults are incapable of adulting. 

Also, thanks for the recipe. mom needs more protein in her diet, and these look very doable, not to mention, tasty.