The Cockney Canuck - 13. Chapter 13 Making Friends

I spent Sunday indoors and most of it in bed. Unlike the previous week, I had no desire to venture outside and play in the snow. Daniel wanted to take me shopping for a pair of ice skates and teach me how to skate but I wasn’t up for it. I wasn’t up for much that day and I felt bad for saying no to him all the time. I knew that he enjoyed having me around and we had a lot of fun the week before. Maybe he thought that now that he had a boy close to his own age to hang around with, that it would be like that all of the time. I appreciated his efforts, but all the will in the world wouldn’t have been able to cheer me up that day.

I had finally accepted that whatever it was that Tom and I had, was definitely over and there was nothing that could be done to save it. The hope that I had held onto that Tom would come over and stay for the summer was unrealistic and unlikely to happen. It was this thought that had kept me going in the days leading up to me having to leave, and again when I first arrived. The belief that we would see each other again in a few months had been important to me, even if there had always been that element of doubt in the back of my mind. Now, although little more than a week had passed, I knew that this was highly improbable.

Tom had been right to say what he said. After all, I wasn’t here on a holiday or even just for a few months. It was a permanent move and there was no way that I was going to be able to go back, not until I was a lot older. It was unrealistic for me to believe that we could somehow remain as close as we were when we were living on opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean.

I knew all along that this was going to happen; we both knew that I would have to leave after my mom died, so it wasn’t a surprise. Perhaps it was a stupid thing to do in the first place. Maybe it would have been better for the both of us if we had just remained friends. We would still be missing each other, but not like this. I had expected to miss Tom as a friend, but not to be lovesick over him and I was sure, that was what the horrible feeling was inside of me. I had never been in a relationship before, so I hadn't experienced the end of one, but I sensed that it was much the same as the way that I was feeling.

As far as Tom was concerned, we were only ever experimenting. That was his official story and he stuck to it. He believed that we were always best friends and not lovers, which would have been too gay. He never believed that we were in a relationship, but just two mates fooling around. It didn’t matter now, but I always found this amusing when he said it. It was as if he was in denial and almost frightened to admit that he had some gay tendencies. It was clear though that what had started out for him as just a bit of fun with his best mate had turned into a lot more than that when it came time for me to leave. Talking to him yesterday brought it home to me just how much this had hurt him as well.

In those five amazing weeks, I had seen him gradually change in a way that probably neither of us had expected. In the end, it was obvious that he had developed certain feelings for me that he hadn't had before. I was feeling the same way although admittedly I did have a bit of a head start over him, I was already madly in love with him long before I moved into his bedroom. I guess we both knew the terms and conditions and if I could go back in time, I would have done the same thing and that was the truth. As hurtful as it was to say goodbye to Tom, if that was the way it had to be then it was still worth it.

It was always going to be difficult, Tom had been my first real friend and my best friend. Over the past five years, we had gone to school together, through puberty together, swam together, slept together, showered and changed together. He became my first sexual partner, my confidant, and advisor. He was the first person that I kissed and the first person that I had slept with. I had never been that close and intimate with anyone before and it would most likely be a long time before I did again.

I felt so sorry for him because I knew that he was hurting maybe more than I was and the thought of him hurting like that on his own made me feel ten times as bad. I couldn’t help feeling responsible for what had gone on between us. I had been flirting with him for years and trying to seduce him in various ways. I always thought that I had managed to hide my longing glances towards him in the showers or my quick peeks at him when we were changing in his room. He had been well aware of my lust for him and this must have influenced him in some way when the time came. There is no doubt that I had encouraged him along this road when maybe it had been wrong for me to do that.

On Saturday, I had seen a look in his face that I didn’t like and it frightened me. At times, he had looked almost empty like the life had been drained from him. Almost like, he had given up. I had seen that expression before but never on Tom. It was similar to what I saw in my mom towards the end and I began to think the worst. What if Tom decided to kill himself? This was extreme admittedly, but I had no idea how bad he was feeling. I had read so many stories about teenagers who had committed suicide and from a social workers point of view; I had no doubt that Tom would have been classed as a high risk at the moment. He had just come out of an intense sexual relationship with his best friend of many years and he was probably unsure of his sexuality. He was probably feeling hurt and maybe even used. Now he was on his own with nobody to turn to and nobody he could trust with such a secret.

'What if I had messed his mind up so badly, that he felt he couldn’t continue and had to end it? I would be devastated if I were to lose Tom as well as my mom'.

Just thinking about it was enough to give me serious stomach cramps and rush to the toilet to throw up. As I leaned over the bowl shaking, with sweat dripping from my forehead I could hear Daniel lightly tapping on the door to ask if I was okay.

“Do you want me to get mom?” he asked with obvious concern.

“I’ll be fine,” I replied. “Just leave me alone for a bit.” Daniel was the sweetest kid and I knew that he was unlikely to accept this for an answer. As I sat on the floor with my back to the door, I could faintly overhear Daniel talking to his mom at the top of the stairs. As a consequence, less than five minutes later I was back in bed with a wet flannel on my forehead and a thermometer stuck in my gob.

“Well, you don’t have a high temperature she said taking the reading.” I could have told her that. “Maybe it was just something that you’ve eaten.”

“Thanks, Nurse Sue,” I said smiling. “I’m not ill though and it’s nothing that I’ve eaten.”

“Then what is it Doctor Robbie, why were you sick?” she asked.

“I’m just a little scared,” I said and this instantly changed her expression from light hearted to concern.

“Why are you scared, Robbie? Is it something that happened in school? You must tell me.”

There was nothing that I wanted to do more at that time than to tell Sue everything that had happened. I wanted to explain how Tom and I had become more than just close friends and how difficult it had been to leave him and how after talking to him yesterday I suddenly started thinking that he was going to kill himself. It would have helped her to understand my moods better, and how difficult it had been for me moving over there. She would be better able to help me if she knew what was wrong. Most important of all she would be able to call Tom’s parents and make them aware of what had happened and this may just be enough to save Tom’s life if that is what he planned to do. My mind was in turmoil, and I had nobody to turn to who could advise me.

Sue’s expression was pained. “If you won’t tell me what the problem is then I can’t help you Robbie.”

‘I can’t tell her. I gave my word to Tom and I have to trust him not to do anything stupid’.

I knew that the relief of getting all of this off my chest would have been enormous and the temptation to do so was almost unbearable. However, Tom was always so sure of himself and so self-confident, surely he wouldn’t feel the need to do something as drastic as that. I had to trust him, and hope that he was sensible enough to talk to someone if he felt that bad. I wondered if he would bother to try to talk to me first, the answer was probably not. If he did was there anything that I could do or say that would change his mind from over here, again the answer was probably not.

“I’m not scared for me, Sue. I’m scared for Tom.” It was as much as I dared to say without telling her. I think that sub-consciously I was hoping that she would almost guess from the clues that I had given to her. At least I couldn’t be accused of giving the game away, or not totally.

She had that look on her face again as she seemed to study me as if looking for some clue. “Is he in some kind of trouble,” she asked, “or danger?”

“I don’t know. Look it’s nothing,” I said, “I shouldn’t be worried; it’s really silly of me.”

“If it was serious enough to make you sick hun, then it’s unlikely to be nothing. And if he is in some kind of danger and you know about it, then you have to tell somebody. Do his parents know?”

“Yes…No…I don’t know…sorry, probably not.” It was an answer that got me another quizzical look and she put her hand up to my forehead again to make sure I wasn’t burning a temperature. “He isn’t in any danger that I know of, it’s just that he looked so down yesterday when we talked and I’ve never seen him like that, so I started to worry that’s all. You know it’s probably nothing.” I shrugged my shoulders and threw off the duvet to sit up on the bed. I had nothing else to say and there was nothing else that I could say without giving the game away.

Sue sat down on the bed next to me and I could sense that she resisted the urge to put her arm around me, she was learning. “Honey, I don’t know what it is that’s troubling you but I do know that it’s serious and it’s more than just a case of being a little homesick. Sometimes it helps to talk about things that are bothering you to somebody. I know that there may be some things that you don’t want to talk about or are frightened to discuss because you don’t know how people will react.” I turned towards her when she said this, I was certain that she knew. I nodded to let her know that she was on the right lines, but I couldn’t say anything. “I have seen so much tragedy working at the hospital and often it could have been avoided by simply discussing problems and working them out. You can talk to me anytime you want honey and whatever you tell me, will stay with me. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out just the two of us and I won’t ever let on to anybody unless you tell me to okay. You can trust me honey, you’re not alone.” Then she reached around me and pulled me in for a hug, I guessed that she could no longer resist it.

“I’m sorry honey, I know that you don’t like being hugged but you’ll just have to put up with it every now and then, it’s who I am,” she said. “And I want to know who you are.” She stood up and ruffled my hair. “In the meantime why don’t you call Tom if you’re worried, just to make sure he’s okay?” It was something that I had been thinking about all day but I didn’t want to make things any worse by calling him when he may be trying his best not to think about me.

Sue had given me plenty to think about and I was certain that she now knew that something had happened between Tom and me. It made me feel a lot better knowing that there was someone that I could talk to who would be prepared to keep my secret, but I still wasn’t sure if I would be totally comfortable talking to Sue about my attraction to other boys. Was I ready to come out to a member of the family yet? Someone who was going to become my adopted mother, probably not.

I sat and thought about everything that she had said for a long time after she had gone back upstairs. She told me to get some rest but no matter how hard I tried to get these thoughts out of my head they just kept coming back and I wondered if I was having some kind of premonition that I needed to act on in order to save him. In reality Tom hadn't actually said anything that would lead anyone to believe that he was about to pull the plug on his own life. I had based these fears entirely from the look that I had seen on his face and allowed my imagination to do the rest. It was my own mind that was torturing me in his way and I knew it, but I couldn’t be sure.

It took me the best part of the day before I was willing to leave my bed to join the others in the family room and watch some TV and then to make it upstairs for the first time in over a day to sit down and eat with everyone else. I was sure that Sue at least partially understood me now, but I don’t know what Don and the kids must have thought of me during those early days, especially when I was so down. They probably wondered what they had to do to make me happy, because nothing they had done so far had been enough to make me want to be a part of their family. I must have come across as being ungrateful, when really, it had nothing to do with them and I did actually want to be a part of the family. They probably put my moods down to me being homesick and the fact that I was still grieving for my mom. As far as my mom was concerned, the sorrow I felt was constant and although I wasn’t thinking of her all the time, the pain was still there just as it was in England. Moving to Canada wasn’t going to make that go away.

* * * * *

I was almost pleased to get back to school. It meant I couldn’t stay indoors all day moping over Tom. I was forced to participate and interact with other people and this had to be a good thing. After just one week at school it seemed as if I was known to just about everybody there. Students, teachers, office staff and even the bloody cleaners knew my name. Daniel and Nicola had told me that girls who they knew had asked of me and I found it quite amusing. I have to admit, I also found it quite flattering as well especially being as low as I was. It was nice to know that there were people out there who liked me and wanted to get to know me, even if they were all girls.

Some of the girls I have to say were not shy in letting me know of their intentions either, as I had discovered after finding a note posted through the gap in my locker. It was from a girl who obviously wanted to get to know me a little better and thought that the best way of doing this was to post an anonymous note to me. At first, I laughed, it didn’t make sense, why didn’t she just introduce herself? Whoever it was went on to list all of the things that she wanted to do with me in great detail, which had me blushing, and got me a little hot under the collar. She definitely had a good imagination and it made me understand that girls weren’t that different from boys really. I had always been under the impression that they liked kissing and petting, but it was the males who had most of the sex drive. The thought of a girl actually wanting to have sex as much as a boy was new to me. It was a shame that this mystery girl who apparently was willing to do anything as long as I squirted in her mouth, had picked the wrong guy. As tempting, an offer as it was it was the note was no good to me without a name on it. I wasn’t sure how these things worked, maybe her identity would become obvious later on but she would still be out of luck.

It was only my second week at Stephenson but already Fran and I were on the way to becoming friends. On Tuesday at lunchtime, she asked me to sit with her so that I could meet her friends Laura and Stacey. It was the first time that I hadn’t sat with Daniel and his mates and the first time that they had seen me with Fran. I wouldn’t be riding the bus back with Daniel that day because I had to attend my extra math class, but I was sure that he would have something to say about it that evening.

“Do you like her?” he asked me after dinner.

“Who Fran? Yes, of course, she’s really nice,” I replied.

“And rich as well,” said Daniel. “Or at least her family is.”

This was something that I didn’t know and I wondered how he knew it. I shrugged as if to say it didn’t matter.

“But do you like her as in like her,” he said smiling. I knew what he was getting at.

“Oh I see what you mean,” I said. “We’re only friends you know; she probably already has a boyfriend.”

“Uh uh,” he said, “she hasn’t.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked.

“Because I have my contacts and there’s something else that you might want to know.”

“Go on,” I said.

“Well it’s only a rumour, but a lot of the guys in school think that’s she’s a lesbian and Laura and her are girlfriends.”

I choked and reached for a drink of water. “What the f…that’s rubbish,” I said. “I would have noticed...I think.”

‘Maybe I’m not the only one hiding a secret here. If this were true, then Fran could turn out to be just as messed up as I am’.

“Well whatever,” I said. “I’m only after her mind, not her body.”

“Yeah right,” he said.

“It’s true. She’s a straight A student and she’s gonna help me with some of my math homework.”

Daniel fell about laughing when I said this. “Will Laura be joining in too?”

“No, I don’t think so why?” I threw a cushion at him. “You’ve got a filthy mind.”

* * * * *

Fran was a nice girl and we had clicked almost straight away. There was something about her that set her apart from most of the other girls in school. She was different from the rest and kept herself out of the limelight. I got the feeling that she didn’t want to be popular in the same way that Nicola did. She didn’t really need to be; in class, she was smart, determined and exuded confidence. It was the kind of self-belief that stems from a good upbringing and a wealthy family.

Her parents were Italian immigrants, who had started their own business importing and selling Italian wine. She definitely had a Mediterranean look about her with smooth lightly tanned looking skin and long straight dark brown hair that reached halfway down her back. She was also quite tall for a girl about 5’10” which made her one inch taller than I was and very slim.

I’m a sucker for eyes and Fran had the most enchanting eyes, which were a beautiful dark olive green. I had never known anyone with eyes that colour before and I found them mysterious and ultimately alluring. They complimented her skin perfectly, and along with a classic straight Italian nose and a small mouth, made her quite distinctive and attractive.

There were plenty of good-looking girls in Stephenson as there had been in my previous school. Just because I happened to like boys more, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t see and appreciate beauty in the opposite sex. However being pretty, didn’t usually mean that I was physically attracted to them in any way. They may have been nice looking but they were still girls and had girl bits that didn’t interest me from a sexual point of view. Fran was the first girl to break that rule and even before I really got to know her well, there was something about her that I found appealing and in a sexual way. It wasn’t the same raw sex appeal that Tom or a lot of other teenage boys had, but it was more than I had ever seen in any girl previously.

Despite this, I was only interested in having Fran as a friend. All of the girls I had known in England were only friends and I probably had as many female friends as male ones. I tended to get on better with girls than I did with boys, particularly over the last year when my mom was really ill. I found them easier to talk to than most of the boys, who seemed a little nervous to be in my company. I don’t think they knew what to say to me, or how they should act. The girls just seemed to be able to handle the whole thing much better, although some had tried to mother me, especially after my mom had passed away.

* * * * *

The next day I got to my locker to find Fran waiting there for me with a warm smile. I had to admit it was a nice way to be greeted but it was too early in the morning for me to be as cheerful as that.

“Hi Robbie,” said Fran.

I mumbled a barely audible, “Hello,” and forced a smile as I opened my locker.

‘How can she be this happy so early in the morning’?

“Have you ever been to Tim Horton’s?” she asked me.

“Tom who?” I asked as I took off my coat and hat.

“I guess not,” she said. “Are you doing anything special at lunchtime?”

“Eating lunch I suppose,” I said nervously wondering what this was all about.

“Good,” she said, “you’ve got PE before lunch so we’ll meet here by your locker and go to Tim Horton’s. You’ll like it there. We go there once a week; it makes a change from eating in the cafeteria.”

“Err okay,” I said, as I clumsily shoved my bag in the locker and struggled to close the door, she was already walking away to talk to her friend Laura.

‘How did she know that I’ve got PE? I just about remembered it myself this morning’.

With temperatures well below freezing, PE in the winter months was all indoors and that day it meant basketball, a sport that I had never even really watched, let alone played before. I liked sports though, and I was determined to give it my best shot. The coach gave me a quick run down of the rules and what I had to do and then pretty much dumped me in the deep end. Not surprisingly, I spent most of the time chasing around without getting much of the ball and trying hard to follow the coaches instructions that he kept belting out to me. When I did get the ball I generally overthrew it or had it taken from me. I was surprised by how physically demanding the game was and there was quite a lot of skill involved as well. Eventually, I got the chance to attempt a basket and I thought for a second that I had scored, only to see my attempt bounce off the rim of the basket. The longer I played, the more I enjoyed it, but in the end, I was exhausted and drenched in sweat. I guess my efforts were appreciated, because I got a few slaps on the back from some of the other boys and they seemed to think that I did okay for someone who had never played the game before. This made me feel a bit better when it came time for the showers, which I really needed after sweating so much, especially as I would be going out for lunch afterwards. I followed the same routine as I had done in my last school and waited until most of the boys had showered, before taking my turn. The only difference here was there was no Tom to feast my eyes on. There was Rory though, the kid who’s penis looked like Tom’s, and as he followed me into the showers. As we stood next to each other under the hot spray, I was wondering if maybe it wasn’t just coincidence. As far as I was concerned there had to be a better than average chance that this kid was gay. This time I kept my eyes well away from his lower regions before making a quick exit.

After getting dressed in record time, I rushed out to my locker and had my coat on by the time Fran appeared from around the corner.

“Your hair’s wet,” she said.

“I just got out of the shower,” I smiled, “and I didn’t want to be late.”

“It doesn’t matter you look kinda cute with wet hair anyway, just make sure you wear a hat outside.”

‘Did she just say that I looked cute? Where are her friends’?

When Fran had asked me if I wanted to go out to eat at lunch, I had assumed by the way that she was talking that we would be going with her friends.

“Where’s Laura and Stacey?” I asked as I followed her downstairs.

“They’re not coming,” she said, “It’s just us. Is that okay?”

“I guess so,” I said. I couldn’t think of any reason why it wouldn’t be okay.

“Don’t look so scared Robbie,” she said. “We’re only going out for lunch. Not getting married.”

‘I doubt if anyone else will see it that way’.

Of course, I knew that Daniel would want to know why I wasn’t in the cafeteria for lunch, and I would have to tell him where I went and face a barrage of questions about it on the bus. Going off alone with Fran for lunch would be seen by Daniel and his friends as something completely different from what it actually was.

To my surprise, Tim Horton’s was a doughnut restaurant and I found it odd that Fran who was overly slim, would frequent a place that seemed to specialise in calories. It didn’t matter though, as I suddenly realised that we were in a restaurant on our own. I sat nervously inspecting the doughnut that I had bought and fiddling with the straw of my drink. I hoped that she didn’t think that this was a date or something. I remembered what Daniel had told me last night about Fran and Laura, and wondered if there was any truth to that at all. It did seem unlikely, but I knew better than most, how it was possible to hide stuff like that from others.

It wasn’t long before I realised why she had asked me there. I guess that she had heard some rumours in school, and wanted to find out herself if they were true or not. After we had finished eating, she asked me why I had moved to Canada and why I was living with Daniel and Nicola’s parents. Remembering my conversation with Daniel and Don the previous week, I thought that it would be better if I told Fran myself rather than leave her to the dubious school gossip. After a deep breath, I told her about my mom, what had happened and how Don and Sue had arranged with my mom to bring me over here. She never interrupted me allowing me to tell my story at my own pace trying hard to stay unemotional.

“It still hurts,” I said, “every day in fact. I never go a day without thinking about her. I never will.” I had managed to keep from choking up, but Fran had a pained expression as she reached across the table and put her hands over mine. The unexpected physical contact made me jump slightly and I think that she did it more as an automatic reaction to comfort me, and quickly let go. I hadn't gone into too much detail, because I didn’t want to get too upset myself, and I didn’t particularly want Fran to feel sorry for me. It was only meant to be an explanation as to why I had ended up in Canada, not grievance counselling, so I was surprised therefore by her reaction.

“I’m so sorry that I asked, I didn’t mean to make you go over it all again.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “sometimes it helps to talk about it anyway.”

“At first I just thought that you had immigrated over here with your family or something,” she said. “But then I started to hear some rumours which I ignored at first, but I guess some were true”

“That’s understandable,” I said. “Look you really shouldn’t feel bad about asking a few questions. It’s not as if you’re the first to ask. Although I’m nowhere near over it, I know that I’m definitely moving in the right direction.” She kept looking directly into my eyes and then half stood up and leaned across the table to hug me.

“I think that you’re really sweet,” she said before letting me go. I could have done without the physical contact but overall Fran had shown genuine concern for me and probably hadn't expected me to be so direct about it. I decided that it was acceptable after all for friends to go out for lunch together, and agreed to do it again next week. Then again, after Tom who was I to say, what was, and what wasn’t acceptable behaviour for friends.

* * * * *

On Thursday I had just finished my after school math lesson with Mrs Riley and had made my way from the now nearly empty school building to the regular Cobourg Transit bus stop, which was opposite.

It was only just after four o’clock, but already starting to get dark and according to the digital readout on the sign facing me, the temperature had dropped to -8º centigrade. I was dressed in my full winter gear as I sat on one of the cold plastic seats at the bus stop, which was enclosed on two sides but offered little shelter from the cold. My face was the only piece of skin that was uncovered and it was already beginning to sting slightly from the temperature. My cheeks would no doubt have been bright red.

I was tired and hungry and my head was spinning with math equations as I watched two students crossing the now almost empty school car park. They were sliding on patches of ice and holding onto each other like little kids. Then one of them fell over and I couldn’t help laughing a little at their antics. They got closer and louder and looked as if they were heading for the bus stop. I could only see their faces, which were bright red from the cold, but I didn’t recognise them from school as they joined me under the partial shelter. They were giggling and catching their breath as it froze around them. The boy looked young but had a nice face from what I could see of it. He had been the one that fell over in the car park and he lifted the back of his oversized ski jacket to brush the butt of his pants with his gloved hand. He had a nice butt and he saw me watching and smiled. Not what I was expecting, most kids would have given a dirty or aggressive look to another boy who they had just caught staring at their butt.

His friend was a girl, and a little taller than he was and they sat down next to one another at a right angle to my seat inside the bus shelter. He was wearing headphones with the volume up loud, and I could just about make out the beat and bass of a familiar dance tune. I couldn’t place it but it was a track that I had heard many times in England where this brand of dance music was quite popular with kids my age, but not in Canada. It was one of the things that I missed the most about England. Canada had a lot of radio stations, but I found that most of them played the same type of music. Mostly middle of the road rock tunes from the seventies and eighties. There was plenty of Led Zeppelin, Neil Young and Aerosmith, but nothing that I was able to relate to as a teenager brought up on house music. It was the first time that I had heard a tune like this being played over here and it grabbed my attention almost as much as his enigmatic smile.

This kid was just too cute for words, but didn’t he know it. I got the impression that he was showing off to me and he kept looking over, to see if I was watching as he fooled around. Neither of them seemed capable of sitting still for more than a couple of seconds as they took turns dancing to the music in an exaggerated fashion, laughing at each other. It was very childish, but there was something about him that I found fascinating and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He never stopped smiling or laughing and he had big white teeth that were probably not long out of braces.

He would sit down for a while moving his head to the music and then every now and then would break into a full dance, as if he was at a club while laughing with his friend. It was funny and they almost had me laughing with them. He was incredibly camp and his mannerisms, his dancing, and even his expressions all screamed out gay. I hadn't seen him in school, but he had just walked from there, so I had to assume that he was a student, probably in grade nine, which was Daniel’s year.

‘Is he Nathan’?

They definitely didn’t look like they were a couple. He was very touchy with her but in a sort of girly way. They were too friendly to be brother and sister and they didn’t look alike either. He looked over to me and smiled and my heart rate noticeably increased when he did this. I continued to watch him as he took off his earphones and talked to his friend. I could only see his face of course and as always what got me more than anything else, were his eyes. They were big, bright blue and very expressive, sparkling with life as they darted around. The whole package was intoxicating and I was finding it impossible to look away, even for a second.

He must have been used to people staring at him because he didn’t seem to be that worried by my interest; in fact, he seemed to enjoy it. He glanced over towards me again and then turned to his friend. I could see her looking over and then back to him. For sure, they were talking about me, but I didn’t think that it was in a bad way or anything. Maybe he could see something gay in me as well.

They were waiting on a different bus, which arrived before mine, and I was almost tempted to wave goodbye to this kid but stopped myself just in time. I afforded him a small smile though as he boarded the bus, and then he did something unexpected that would stay in my mind forever; he turned his head and winked at me.

I was gob smacked, I wanted to follow him onto the bus and ask him his name, get his phone number or just talk to him. Then he was gone, replaced by on old lady with a small dog. I wanted to go over there and just feel the seat where he had sat. Maybe to smell it like an animal would, hoping to pick up some of his scents that would help me to track him down later. I didn’t think that the old lady would take too kindly to me doing that and I suddenly imagined a policeman explaining to Don that I had been caught sniffing the seats at the bus stop. That thought was enough for me to splutter a loud involuntary laugh and draw the attention of the old lady. I smiled at her, but she gave me a stern stare. She probably thought that I was on drugs.

‘Silly old bag’!

Thankfully, my bus arrived soon afterwards, but the cute boy played on my mind all the way home.