Occasional Poetry - 17. Dissatisfaction

Oh, so very nice Parker.
I'll risk my thoughts
never good for me with poetry.

In one, I'm struck by an interesting prospect, very well described, but it's only substance is thought. Perhaps the mathematical description reveals that.

In two, I feel the opposite. A metaphor of life and relationship itself. It's substance is real, perhaps the geode reveals that.

Anyway, that's how these two beautiful poems affect me. Thank you for sharing them!

These are pretty deep and intense... from the first, I thought 'hope,' and from the second, I thought 'uncertainty' in oneself and in a prospective someone (read that as 'no guarantees'). I think I will need to revisit these when I'm feeling less under the weather, for there was a challenge in both for me. Great rhythm and substance... cheers... Gary....

On 03/14/2016 01:42 PM, Headstall said:

These are pretty deep and intense... from the first, I thought 'hope,' and from the second, I thought 'uncertainty' in oneself and in a prospective someone (read that as 'no guarantees'). I think I will need to revisit these when I'm feeling less under the weather, for there was a challenge in both for me. Great rhythm and substance... cheers... Gary....

Both these took me into deeper waters than I was used to swimming in. Both played to a sense of unease and disquiet that I've been feeling in the last month - maybe it was the end of a story I'd been posting for a while. Maybe it was spring fever. I don't know. But I hope they speak to you, too. Many thanks for taking the time to read this and think about them. - Parker

On 03/14/2016 01:33 PM, skinnydragon said:

Oh, so very nice Parker.

I'll risk my thoughts

never good for me with poetry.

 

In one, I'm struck by an interesting prospect, very well described, but it's only substance is thought. Perhaps the mathematical description reveals that.

 

In two, I feel the opposite. A metaphor of life and relationship itself. It's substance is real, perhaps the geode reveals that.

 

Anyway, that's how these two beautiful poems affect me. Thank you for sharing them!

The mathematics/physics of number one can be intriguing, but getting bogged down in it blinded me. Number two spoke to a vague sense of disquiet and unease I'd been feeling through February.

You're as good at poetry as I am; Tim and AC convinced me to try, and I think I write a little better as a result. Perhaps you can join me on the Poetry Prompts quest.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reflect on these!

No.1:

I think this Rubaiyat is a seriously accomplished poem. You show the vastness this form can open up for readers and poets alike, imo. You play by the rules, and make the lines consistent, and follow the a-a-b-a format, and somehow it blends and melts like magic around your concept. None of these structural features stand out; only your images and message does, and that's impressive.

No.2:

I love Sonnets that fully utilize the form – that emphasize conflict – and can conjure bold pictures in my mind. I think you have really done that here. The geode reference, and the image in my head of sparkling amethysts, is so lovely.

BRAVO on both poems!

You know, I've read a lot of poetry and I've written a few and I'm trying to learn. But these two of yours are amoung the best I've read.
I'm not going to tell you how they make me feel because, frankly i hate interpreting poetry. I know what I feel and that may not be what you or anyone else does. I think they are both wonderful and that's gonna have to do.
tim xo

On 03/15/2016 10:12 AM, AC Benus said:

No.1:

 

I think this Rubaiyat is a seriously accomplished poem. You show the vastness this form can open up for readers and poets alike, imo. You play by the rules, and make the lines consistent, and follow the a-a-b-a format, and somehow it blends and melts like magic around your concept. None of these structural features stand out; only your images and message does, and that's impressive.

 

No.2:

 

I love Sonnets that fully utilize the form – that emphasize conflict – and can conjure bold pictures in my mind. I think you have really done that here. The geode reference, and the image in my head of sparkling amethysts, is so lovely.

 

BRAVO on both poems!

I am humbled by your generous thoughts. As I said in an earlier reply, these came from a vague sense of unease and dissatisfaction, as well as from the prompts given. I wonder if what one of my old music profs said was right: that we can be more expressive and inventive in minor keys. That may be so, but I do like my sunshine, too. Number one played with a conversation I had with a colleague that reminded me of Owl Creek Bridge; number two simply came from wondering what anyone would see if I were broken open and examined like an assay. Thank so very much for what you said here, I am glad you liked them.

On 03/15/2016 10:52 AM, Mikiesboy said:

You know, I've read a lot of poetry and I've written a few and I'm trying to learn. But these two of yours are amoung the best I've read.

I'm not going to tell you how they make me feel because, frankly i hate interpreting poetry. I know what I feel and that may not be what you or anyone else does. I think they are both wonderful and that's gonna have to do.

tim xo

That you like them is enough for me. That you think them so good makes me humble. I just hope you are not infused with the sense of vague unhappiness that drove me into writing them. But if you can sense that I felt it as I wrote these, then perhaps they worked. Thanks Tim for reading these and telling me what you think. - P