Occasional Poetry - 24. Two Rubayats

I really liked "Catbird," Parker... this Rubayat works for me, when often they don't... I think the form sometimes makes a poet try too hard to fit it, and it ends up sacrificing message for form... just saying... but this one I found masterful. It made me smile, and I'll tell you why. It made me think of the human (emphasis on 'man') catbirds I know. They put up a front, imitating what they think wants to be heard. Some are innocent and insecure, and some are calculating in their cries. I don't know if it was your intention, but the parallels were astonishingly good in my humble opinion. ..."in pretense of some other guy" and "until he's spotted, then he's faint" along with "with camouflage he's well endowed"... all resonated with me... there was flow and story to this that elevated the form to it's most enjoyable level... I will forever think of your poem when I spot a 'catbird' in action. I now have a name for these guys hehe... thanks for this, my friend... cheers... Gary....

On 05/10/2016 04:02 AM, Headstall said:

I really liked "Catbird," Parker... this Rubayat works for me, when often they don't... I think the form sometimes makes a poet try too hard to fit it, and it ends up sacrificing message for form... just saying... but this one I found masterful. It made me smile, and I'll tell you why. It made me think of the human (emphasis on 'man') catbirds I know. They put up a front, imitating what they think wants to be heard. Some are innocent and insecure, and some are calculating in their cries. I don't know if it was your intention, but the parallels were astonishingly good in my humble opinion. ..."in pretense of some other guy" and "until he's spotted, then he's faint" along with "with camouflage he's well endowed"... all resonated with me... there was flow and story to this that elevated the form to it's most enjoyable level... I will forever think of your poem when I spot a 'catbird' in action. I now have a name for these guys hehe... thanks for this, my friend... cheers... Gary....

Thank you, Gary. You had this pegged exactly. Glad you liked it and that you will remember that noisy grey chameleon. And all inspired by a bird buried in a honeysuckle hedge on Saturday morning...

Two nice rubaiyats.
Both have easy and flowing rhymes that are natural. Lovely. I think the first is my favourite but something tells me you're talking more about wingless mammal type catbirds, of which I've met a number.
Great job on both of these Parker!!

I've never reviewed poetry before ...

I enjoyed both of them - slight preference for Catbird for being more direct.

I love the use of language in both: 'gracks'(?) and 'strand' are just two instances. The more romantic ('hightened') language of Discovery suits its subject matter perfectly. The inventive rhymes in Dicovery deserve a speical mention, I think.

I am full of admiration at how you manage to produce such poetry within the limits of the form (those which I can recognise, anyway). Does the structure help or hinder, I wonder?

I may be off to explore more poetry.

On 05/10/2016 06:12 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Two nice rubaiyats.

Both have easy and flowing rhymes that are natural. Lovely. I think the first is my favourite but something tells me you're talking more about wingless mammal type catbirds, of which I've met a number.

Great job on both of these Parker!!

I am so happy you liked Catbird. I think sometimes we are all Catbirds, in one way or another. Or maybe it's just me, and I'm projecting...but you're absolutely right. In any case, Catbirds are of my favorite wild birds, so shy and retiring when they know you are looking at them...and they'll try to imitate anything.

On 05/10/2016 07:54 AM, northie said:

I've never reviewed poetry before ...

 

I enjoyed both of them - slight preference for Catbird for being more direct.

 

I love the use of language in both: 'gracks'(?) and 'strand' are just two instances. The more romantic ('hightened') language of Discovery suits its subject matter perfectly. The inventive rhymes in Dicovery deserve a speical mention, I think.

 

I am full of admiration at how you manage to produce such poetry within the limits of the form (those which I can recognise, anyway). Does the structure help or hinder, I wonder?

 

I may be off to explore more poetry.

I am very glad you decided to explore today. I think a preference for structure is personal...I'm still exploring structures, and find the helpful in distilling a thought or idea. I am happy you connected with Catbird, as the bird itself is a favorite of mine. Much less flashy or forward than a jackdaw. Thank you for your kind comments!

First a technical comment: YAY!!! In both of them, but especially "Discovery," you are exploring the stanzas as a fully integrated sentence over four lines. That's wonderful. And even better is that it took me close to the end of "Discovery" to realize you had smoothed out a tendency to come to a full stop (or, a 'hard stop,' as I have called it) at the end of the second line.

As for the verse itself: wow. Humbling. The "Catbird" poem makes me feel I know the little fellow, and I want him to leave the leaf litter behind. He might need a good stretching of the wings and let the air teach him how to sing again.

"Discovery" is polished. So often I find myself traveling in my dreams, and this poem reminded me of that sensation. Particularly beautiful for me is the hand in hand reference.

You are shining, Parker, and I love it!

I liked both of these Parker!

The catbird reminded me of a few people I've known.
I never thought of picturing them as catbirds.
Now I'll never be able to not. Thanks for that!

On 05/10/2016 12:18 PM, AC Benus said:

First a technical comment: YAY!!! In both of them, but especially "Discovery," you are exploring the stanzas as a fully integrated sentence over four lines. That's wonderful. And even better is that it took me close to the end of "Discovery" to realize you had smoothed out a tendency to come to a full stop (or, a 'hard stop,' as I have called it) at the end of the second line.

 

As for the verse itself: wow. Humbling. The "Catbird" poem makes me feel I know the little fellow, and I want him to leave the leaf litter behind. He might need a good stretching of the wings and let the air teach him how to sing again.

 

"Discovery" is polished. So often I find myself traveling in my dreams, and this poem reminded me of that sensation. Particularly beautiful for me is the hand in hand reference.

 

You are shining, Parker, and I love it!

I feel so humbled and at the same time pleased that you liked both of these. It is a testament to your clarity of writing and gentle support that these are as good as you say. The catbird is one of my favorite birds; loud and raucous when hidden in the underbrush, but silent and watchful whenever it'd can be easily spotted. The other morning it sang so loudly trying so hard to be a robin, the robin himself flew off in frustration. Thank you for taking the time and care to respond to these so thoughtfully.

On 05/11/2016 12:27 AM, skinnydragon said:

I liked both of these Parker!

 

The catbird reminded me of a few people I've known.

I never thought of picturing them as catbirds.

Now I'll never be able to not. Thanks for that!

We all have to pretend sometimes. I was struck by how the catbird might feel knowing that he can never be any of the birds he imitates. Thank you for your thoughtful comments!