The Cockney Canuck - 54. Chapter 54 Better the Devil You Know

“If I ever try to get on a bike again; I want you to shoot me,” I said, staring at the ceiling as Daniel studied himself in the mirror. He was already dressed and ready for school, although, in the summer, it required a lot less effort, and fewer layers.

“Where did you go yesterday?” he asked.

“I went for a ride around town and got lost.”

“How can you get lost in Cobourg?” he said and laughed.

“I could get lost in…in…wherever.” It was too early to think of anything funny to say, and my legs were killing me after a punishing ride into the hilly countryside with Nathan. I threw off my sheet and sat on the side of the bed holding my head in my hands. It was Monday morning; three more weeks to negotiate before the summer break, and school was becoming less appealing by the day.

“You need to get dressed quickly dude,” he said, “the bus is in fifteen minutes.” He left to get some breakfast, while I changed underwear, dragged on a t-shirt, socks, a pair of shorts, sprayed under my arms, splashed my face, brushed my teeth and ran upstairs, all in under five.

Daniel looked surprised, but Nicola, who had probably spent the best part of an hour-and-a-half making herself perfect, wasn’t impressed. “Are you gonna bother to comb your hair today?” she asked me.

“No, are you?” I snapped back. It made Daniel laugh, but Nicola didn’t bite.

“You’re not funny, you know.”

“I’m not trying to be.” I considered it more self-defence than humour.

“Not today please kids, I’ve got a headache,” pleaded Sue, as she handed me a glass of orange juice and a plate of cold toast.

“And my legs ache from yesterday,” I said.

“I came off my skateboard doing a nose slide,” said Daniel, as he showed me a big bruise on his elbow. His arms and legs were normally covered in battle scars from the skate park. Each one told a different story, which he would proudly embellish to anyone stupid enough to ask. I had already learnt the hard way and kept quiet.

“I’ve got a giant pain in the ass,” said Nicola.

Everyone, including Amy, stopped what they were doing and turned to look at her.

“And he’s sitting over there,” she finished smugly while pointing towards me.

* * * * *

After my conversation with Nathan the previous day, in which he basically consented to go all the way with me, I should have been the happiest boy in school. That morning, however, I was quiet and pensive, and as with Friday, I was expecting trouble. I kept my guard up and my head down; avoiding eye contact with all but my most trusted of friends. Then between lessons, I moved quickly through the corridors, making sure that I was the first into the classroom and the last one to leave. At lunchtime; the need of some sustenance and the chance to glimpse Nathan was enough to flush me out of hiding and into the gossip battleground of the cafeteria.

At the far side, in his usual spot, was Nathan, who was with Ginny and a couple of others. I wasn’t sure if he had seen me or not, but it didn’t really matter. In the light of my faux par at his drama club the week before, we had agreed to distance ourselves from each other while at school. This basically meant that I wasn’t allowed to sit at his table during lunch, or to be seen talking to him in the corridors. Considering what was at stake, and what we had planned for the end of the week, it wasn’t that much of a hardship, but I wondered how effective this self-imposed restraining order would prove to be, after the damage that had already been done.

I suppose if I were to be denied the opportunity of sitting opposite my ever-sumptuous dream boy, then the cute little Rory, made for a fairly decent consolation prize, and I had to consider myself fortunate. This well-mannered kid, with the golden hair and English parents, had—with the exception of Nathan and Daniel, who I put in different categories—become my closest friend. I enjoyed his company and his contagiously cheerful personality that he cruelly concealed from anyone outside of his small circle of trusted companions. My original interest, of course, had been purely physical. I was attracted by his fair-skinned Scandinavian looks but soon discovered that there was much more to him than raw sex appeal. Rory was a fun kid to hang around with; he was smart, considerate and passionate about his hobbies. He had the potential to be one of the most popular kids in school, but his shy exterior kept him on the back burner and out of the limelight.

There were also a few unresolved issues concerning his sexuality, which may have limited his appeal to some of the females in school, but for me, only added to his aura and brought a little mystery to his personality. Fran thought that he was gay, and he had been top of my list of suspects for ‘boy X’, only to be displaced by a rank outsider. That episode and the events that followed with Alex had well and truly trashed any belief that I had had in the much vaunted ‘gaydar’, and I was prepared to reserve judgement until I received hard evidence.

With Nathan firmly occupying the role of my sole desire, Rory’s sexual preference was no longer as important to me as it once was. I was still intrigued, however, to discover which team he played for, and I couldn’t help from wondering if my planned visits to his house to watch the World Cup, would reveal something else about the boy who I considered to be the best-kept secret in school.

After grabbing some food, I began zig-zagging between the busy tables, towards my fair-haired friend, but I dropped my guard at a critical time. If I had of looked where I was going rather than staring at the floor, then I would definitely have taken a different route towards Rory’s table, one that didn’t take me past where Jake was sitting. When I realized my mistake, however, it was already too late for me to turn back, without it looking as if I was trying to avoid him. I had made a huge mistake, and he could probably see the fear written across my face before I looked away and attempted to walk straight past. He called me towards him, and I pretended not to hear, but as I tried to get away, I felt him tugging at my t-shirt.

My heart sank as I stopped and turned to face him. He was sitting with two other guys and a girl, who I recognized as his date from the cinema, but the boy who had attacked me in the hall, wasn’t amongst them. He was smiling at me and looked to be in a good mood, as he introduced me to his straight-faced buddies.

“Bobby is from England,” he said, “isn’t that right?”

“My name’s Robbie,” I said, but he ignored me as he talked to his friends, while still holding a fistful of my t-shirt.

“He’s Nicola’s little cousin, you can see the resemblance, same girly looks.” He laughed, but the others clearly weren’t as interested in me as Jake was, and one of the boys turned away to talk to someone at the next table, while the girl began checking her phone. “What’s wrong buddy, you look nervous?”

“Can you let go of my shirt please?”

He did as I asked, but he wasn’t going to allow me to escape that easy, and he turned his attention on my meal. Perhaps he noticed me shaking slightly, or my increasingly uneasy stance. “Why don’t you put your tray down, before you drop it?” he said, as he took it off me and put it on the table. “What have you got here? Oh wow, I should’ve known. Look at this.” He picked up my fork and stuck it into the sausage on my plate, and then held it up to show his friends, laughing. “What’s this Robbie, it looks like a dick?”

‘I knew it. You’re the fucking wanker Jake’!

“Do you like eating dick, Robbie?” The girl smirked at his remark, and he got the attention of the other guys, who also found it funny. I frowned and leant forward to pick up my tray, but Jake was quick to slide it across the table and out of my reach. “I think you do,” he said, “queer boy.”

“Can I have my food back please,” I said.

“You can eat with us if you want?” he said, “we don’t mind, do we?” He looked around the table but didn’t get much support for his suggestion from his companions. They looked a little weary of Jake’s little game, and I got the feeling that they had seen it all before.

“There’s not enough chairs,” I said. I thought that it was a good reply, as it didn’t make it sound as if I was trying to get away, even though I was.

“He can have mine,” said one of the other guys, as he stood up to leave, looking bored. My face must have dropped at his offer.

“I gotta be somewhere else,” I said, making another attempt to retrieve my food, but this time Jake picked up the tray, holding it out of my reach.

“What’s wrong?” he said, dropping his smile. “We not good enough for your company?” I could hear the bitterness returning to his voice as he stared at me, and I was getting a little scared by his change of tactics.

I quickly scanned the hall in search of help while I tried to think of a credible, face-saving, escape plan. I looked towards Nathan, but if he saw me, he was too far away to see what was going on, and I didn’t want to get him involved anyway. I could see Daniel, sitting with Doug and Billy, and Rory talking to a girl from our science class, but neither of them was aware of my plight, and even if they were, they probably couldn’t have helped.

“Give me my food back,” I demanded, trying a sterner approach, but it only served to escalate the situation.

“You wanna go sit with your little boyfriend, is that it?” he sneered. His voice was getting louder and more aggressive, and I instinctively took a step backwards, preparing to sacrifice my meal for my safety.

“Leave him alone Jake,” said the girl, “he’s not hurting you.” Her plea was half-hearted at best and fell on deaf ears as her boyfriend began to close in, on what for him, was an easy target.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if he molested your little brother.”

“What?” I stared at him, not quite believing what I had just heard.

‘What the fuck does that mean?”

“You’re a fucking freak,” he said, “people like you should be locked up. A danger to society…you make me sick.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, “I haven’t done anything. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

“Oh, why don’t you just leave me alone,” he said mimicking me, with a high-pitched and very poor attempt at an English accent. “Go back to where you came from, queer boy. I don’t like seeing around here. You don’t belong!”

I was shaking, scared by his words, and by the aggressive way that he delivered them. I stood there for a couple of seconds, taking it all in, and allowing his hatred to soak through me.

“You’re wrong,” I said, taking another step backwards and bumping into a younger kid who had been trying to squeeze past, nearly knocking the tray from his hands. I turned to offer an apology, but my words were drowned out by another loud verbal onslaught from Jake.

“Watch out kid, he wants to fuck you!” he said, and the boy gave me a fearful look as he walked away from a scene that had already attracted the attention of the nearby tables and was quickly becoming newsworthy.

I decided to make my break before it escalated any further and realizing that I was now out of Jake’s reach, I turned on my heels and made good my escape. My appetite had vanished, and so had my desire for company, as I turned my back on Rory, and walked quickly in the direction from which I had come, heading towards the exit.

I didn’t see Nathan before I left the cafeteria, and I knew even then that I wasn’t going to tell him. I didn’t want to tell anyone; I was going to have to deal with Jake on my own, although I didn’t have a clue how I was going to be able to do that.

My head was spinning and I felt sick to the stomach with fear, as I left the building to get some fresh air. It was a sunny day, and the grass at the front of the school was filled with students enjoying the warm weather, but I kept away from them and went to stand on my own by the bike racks. It was a safe place, in full view of the head office, but my solitude was short lived, and I cringed when I saw Daniel approaching me, with a bewildered looking Doug in tow. I had no idea who, or how many other kids had overheard his rant, but Jake had been loud enough for it not to go unnoticed, and clearly Daniel had been one of those close enough to witness the incident.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and I nodded. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” I said, “I think he got me mixed up with someone else.”

“I don’t think so,” said Doug, narrowing his eyes at me and shaking his head.

“Is that guy bullying you, or something?” asked Daniel.

“No, it’s nothing like that…honestly, I’m fine,” I said.

“What was he saying to you?” he asked, and I let out a sigh of relief, as I realized that he hadn’t been able to hear Jakes unsavoury comments.

“It’s not important; he was just being a jerk. It’s nothing to worry about, I’m not that bothered what he thinks.”

“Yeah, that’s why you’re standing out here,” said Doug, pointing out the obvious flaws in my story.

“I just came out here to cool off. You know before I lost my temper or something.”

“Yeah,” said Doug, “luckily for him, that didn’t happen, right?” He laughed and I stared at him.

‘Since when did he get a sense of humour’?

Daniel, sensing that I wanted to be left alone, turned to Doug and motioned towards the school, but as they started to walk away, I grabbed his arm. “Daniel…can you keep this quiet? I don’t want your mom to find out…you know she’ll worry.”

He agreed, but he didn’t look convinced by my attempt to cover up the incident, and I saw him looking back at me, to check if I was okay, before disappearing inside.

‘Shit, what do I do now’?

I let out a deep breath, and then nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard somebody walk up behind me.

“Who are those guys?” I spun around to see Alex standing there with his trademark lopsided grin.

‘Where did he come from’?

“You shit the life out me, Alex,” I said.

“Yeah I know,” he said, “what’s the deal buddy, are those kids giving you trouble too?”

“What…no. The boy I was talking to is my cousin,” I said, squinting at him in the bright sunlight and leaning back against the bike rack. He was wearing shades of course, and one of the few boys in school still in long pants. In his case, faded jeans that suited him perfectly. We rarely chatted, but when we did it was never small talk, and I knew that there had to be a reason for him to approach me.

“Is your cousin the same as you?” he asked.

“What do you mean, the same as me?”

“You know…is he a fag, gay, queer, whatever you wanna call it?” I stared at him in disbelief. This was a guy who less than two months ago, had plied me with drugs and alcohol so that he could shove his dick inside of me.

“No!” I said firmly.

“I thought it might run in the family,” he said, “too bad, he’s kinda cute.”

“You’re fucked up Alex, I swear.”

“I came out here to see if you were okay, you little shit, and this is how you thank me.”

“That doesn’t mean you can perve on my brother.”

“You said he was your cousin, make up your mind.”

I shook my head at him. “Whatever he is, he’s outta bounds to you okay?” He held his hands up to feign innocence. “I mean it Alex, stay away from him.”

He glared back at me. “I was fucking joking okay. What do you take me for? Geez, I’m trying to fucking help you here, dickhead!”

“How?”

“I saw what happened in there…with Jake…you need to be careful dude. He can be a real asshole.”

“Thanks for telling me something I already know Alex.”

“You’re an ungrateful shit, you know that?” he said, “maybe I should just let him beat you to a pulp.”

I looked up from the ground to meet his eyes briefly, unsure of what he meant or why he was even bothering to talk to me.

‘How can he help me, and why would he even want to’?

“What did you do to upset him?” he asked, in a sombre tone, after he had calmed down.

“Nothing, he just doesn’t like me I guess.”

“I don’t believe you…and who’s your boyfriend?”

“I haven’t got a boyfriend.”

“Jake seems to think so…who is it? Come on, you can trust me…I know you’re gay.”

“Wow, Alex, how did you figure that one out?”

“Don’t get smart with me, you fucking little….” He stopped snarling as a couple of teachers walked past us, offering them a fake smile and a nod that I found amusing. “You won’t be laughing if Jake gets his hands on you. Do you want me to help you or not?”

“How can you help me, Alex, that guy’s a monster?”

“I know him,” he said, “he comes over to my house all the time. He’s my brother’s friend.”

“Really…he’s your brother’s friend?”

“Well, he’s not exactly a friend…he buys dope from him.”

“Jake sells drugs?”

“No, you asshole, he buys them from my brother.”

“Your brother sells drugs?” He answered me with a look that told me I should have already known, and I stared back at the ground, embarrassed by my naivety.

“No of course not,” he said staring hard at me, “we wouldn’t want anyone thinking that would we?”

“I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about anything, but I don’t really know anything about anyone anyway.”

He shook his head at me. “You’re a dick!”

“I know.”

“But I like you.”

“I know that,” I said with a cheeky grin. “You like dicks; don’t you Alex?” He rarely appreciated my humour, but much to my relief, he actually found that quite funny.

“I just don’t wanna see you get hurt,” he said.

“Is that why you’re always trying to beat me up?”

“Yeah man, I’m actually helping you, you’re my friend.”

“Thanks, Alex, I’d hate to be your enemy.”

“See…we can be nice to each other when we try,” he said, completely missing the irony. “Look, I’ll have a word with my brother, and see if he can maybe cool Jake off a little, before he hurts you.”

“Thanks, Alex,” I said, and this time I really meant it. “That would be helpful. I’m kinda allergic to violence you know?”

“You’re allergic to violence?”

“Yeah, I break out in cuts and bruises.” I was laughing until he slugged me on the arm.

“I hope that doesn’t give you a reaction,” he said as I rubbed my arm and gave him a disgruntled look. “I’m not promising anything man, but I’m sure Jake will want to keep my brother happy if you know what I’m saying. So maybe he’ll back off long enough for you to get your shit together. Get it?”

“Yes,” I said, although I had no idea what he was talking about.

“So who’s your boyfriend?” he asked.

‘I knew that was coming’.

“I’m not telling you.”

“So there is someone?”

“Maybe…maybe not.”

“Don’t fuck with me you little shit. Tell me.”

“Why do you wanna know?”

“Because I fucking do okay?”

“Are you jealous Alex?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

“Yeah, I thought so.”

That remark earned me another hard slug on the arm, but at least the only guy hitting me that day was Alex, and he was only doing it because he liked me and we were friends. ‘Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t’. I never really understood that saying, but I’m sure that it applied to Alex. I definitely knew him better than most, and he was a devil alright, but I still wasn’t sure what his motives were for helping me, and I didn’t particularly like the idea of being in debt to him. In this case, though, I didn’t really have much of a choice.

* * * * *

The next day was better. I managed to avoid Jake and his merry men, and Alex—my new best friend and self-appointed guardian—left me alone too, which meant that I came home that afternoon without any new bruises.

Daniel attempted the third degree on the bus home, but he was nowhere near as accomplished as his mom or Nicola when it came to extracting information. He lacked Nicola’s ruthless streak and his questions were mostly about my own well-being as if he actually cared. I thought that it was cool of him, and when we got home, I reached over and gave him a tight, but a friendly hug.

“What was that for?” he said, pushing me off him, but clearly enjoying my brotherly embrace.

“Because I love you,” I replied, and it was the truth, although my mood had also been elevated by a couple of unexpected text messages from his best friend, who I also loved, but in a completely different way.

If there were hugs on offer, then Amy always wanted in, and I crouched down quickly as she launched herself towards me with open arms. I caught her, but her momentum sent me flying, and I landed on my back, bumping my head on the floor. Nicola and Daniel thought that it was hilarious, as I sat up and rubbed my head, and even Sue had a little laugh at my expense.

“You’ll live, honey,” she said, after checking the back of my head for damage.

“Good, because I was planning on going out tonight,” I said, “if that’s okay with you?”

“You know I don’t mind,” she said, “but I want to know where you’re going to be.”

“Rory’s house,” I said excitedly, “it’s the World Cup, it starts this week. And as I don’t have any extra lessons anymore, I thought that maybe…?”

Sue had never met Rory, but she had chatted on the phone to his dad before he took us to the Blue Jays game, and Daniel and I, had both talked on numerous occasions about the quiet boy from school, who shared my classes and my passion for soccer. She looked happy for once knowing where I was, and that I was safe, and doing nothing more than watching televised sport with a friend, under the supervision of his parents. It was almost too good to be true, like the perfect crime, and it added weight to my growing feeling of invincibility within the Taylor household.

It took me less than an hour to eat, shower, and dress. Then I sent a couple of texts, before calling a cab to take me to Hillcrest Avenue.