Character Description Peeve

[thecalimack]

Ever bothered how stories describe characters?

 

I read a lot that read out like a Grindr profile.

 

His height was 5'7", Age 28. Etcetera...


You know those? I just feel like there are better ways to go about someone descriptively. I mean, no one analyzes someone like that unless they're a robot. It just detaches from a character, I think. It's good for a bio but not in-story.

 

What about your thoughts, guys?

[Caz Pedroso]

Hmm...

 

As an author I try to describe other characters from another characters POV... 'the man looked to be a bit older than me but not much, he was definitely at least a foot taller though and his muscles well..."

 

Or I may put it in dialogue '"Hey Cade did you see that new nurse? He's only twenty and over six feet tall. But he's scrawny and looks like he could do with feeding up. You're a good cook aren't you?"'

 

As a reader I don't read the character descriptions much except to make sure I have a basic idea of whose the oldest/youngest and whose with whom. Except when I'm proofreading of course, then I have to remember all the details so I can make sure they stay the same all through the story.

 

Hope this answered your question

[Carlos Hazday]

Ever bothered how stories describe characters?

 

I read a lot that read out like a Grindr profile.

 

His height was 5'7", Age 28. Etcetera...

 

 

You know those? I just feel like there are better ways to go about someone descriptively. I mean, no one analyzes someone like that unless they're a robot. It just detaches from a character, I think. It's good for a bio but not in-story.

 

What about your thoughts, guys?

Any time I've tried to use a description as you the one you used, i get spanked by my editor! Haven't done it in a while.

 

When it comes to height and weight, if it's important, I'll use comparisons the the person who's POV I'm using (The guy was a tad shorter than I but weighed a hell of a lot more. And it was all muscle as far as I could tell, not flab.)

 

Comparison to nature or inanimate objects work for other characteristics: Damn! Those lips looked so plump and soft I could have used them as pillows.

 

But then again, what do i know?

[Valkyrie]

It's funny that you've posted this topic, since I've been thinking about starting a thread myself about improving character descriptions.  I tend to keep my descriptions vague and let the reader picture them as they will.  I may describe them as 'the brown-haired man' or in terms comparing them to other characters they are interacting with.  "The taller man" or the "skinny man", etc.  I've been working on expanding my descriptions to include mannerisms and more specific language.  So instead of the 'brown-haired' man, the 'The sunlight glinted off his chestnut hair as he smiled the crooked smile I had come to love."  "His emerald eyes narrowed in concentration as he studied my reaction."  This lends the description much more flavor than a basic description of hair color or body build.  I tend to avoid stories that describe characters like a checklist, especially if it includes his dick size.  lol 

[JParker]

That's gruesomely unimaginative (bad) writing, hands down. Unless you're dealing with a wanted poster.

 

Describing people is so much more than stating age and height and offers countless options. (Also: it is fun

 

To practise think perhaps of people that you know in real life and describe them vividly to someone who doesn't know them (the reader). What are the things that catch your attention? What are markers that hint at a certain age (haircolor, skin) or status? How do they smell, who do they resemble. What is pleasing or annoying about them? How do they hold themselves, what color and texture is their skin? What's their voice like? What's their body type & body language? Etc.

 

Height only needs explicit mention if the character is particularly small or tall. If two people interact you can easily show which one is taller, if one of them looks up or down at the other etc. I really don't care if a character is 5'9 or 6' or about any explicit number. One character might have to take care not to bust his head on the doorframe another might be able to buy clothes in the children's department or to travel in a suitcase etc.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2015 by JParker

[JamesSavik]

In what I'm currently writing, our protagonist is a college freshman, not very tall, dark and swarthy. I never specifically say anything to nail down his age or description.

 

He does.

 

He bitches about his freshman year and how glad he'll be when it's over.

 

He describes himself as being from "Picayune: the most Cajun town in Mississippi."

[Cia]

You'll find that termed the 'dossier description' and it's right up there with the 'bathroom mirror description' when it comes to showing the amateur chops of the author using it. The challenge as an author is that you need to share information and descriptions of characters from your POV character--even their own description. One way to share the description of your main character, if you don't alternate POV to another character, is to use dialogue between characters. "Dude, your hair is down to your shoulders. Coach is going to make you cut it!" could share the character is both a jock and has long hair. Does it tell the reader how tall he is or the character's build? No, but it gives us a rough image to visualize, which is all we need to get started.

 

As for other characters, does it make sense to notice the physical description of your character's mother or partner as soon as they come on scene? Not really, not unless there's some reason for your character to share that information. The odds are that the main character isn't going to know his love interest's height and weight, so you can't share that. Then there's also the point of keeping it specific enough to visualize but not so exact that you don't allow for your reader to use their imagination.

 

I've employed different methods depending on the story which let me show character information, sometimes in very small doses, and others in larger amounts. I'll share 2 examples below.  

 

These are the first 2 paragraphs of one contemporary story. I couldn't share as much here of the 2nd character from the POV since the mental place the first character is in doesn't really allow him to notice much, but they have a physical moment so I try to give the reader a way to see both characters, even at this very beginning point. Unfortunately, I also fell into a common POV mistake authors make. Do you spot it?   

 

Dane ran. He knew he couldn't outrun this but if all he thought of was the pound of his feet on the ground and the hitching gasp of his breath he might keep himself from screaming. The urge to do that was strong, almost overwhelming his fragile control. Dane redoubled his efforts, not feeling the scorching heat or the bright sun beating down on his lowered head as he fled. He watched the ground in front of his feet, refusing to look up or around. So when he bounced off whatever it was he ran into he flew backward quite a ways before crashing to the ground, flat on his back.

    “Son of a bitch!” the unmovable object said, rubbing the center of a very wide chest as he stood still in the middle of the sidewalk staring down at the prostate form on the concrete.

 

In the first chapter of a fantasy story I have one character, a young acolyte priest with forbidden magic, summoned to the palace by the queen to help heal the prince--as they were childhood friends--of deadly wounds earned during an attack by a neighboring country. This one let me show a lot more of the characters as they'd known each other but then had been separated for years for their training for their adult roles, plus he was examining the prince for wounds.

 

"Your Majesty," he said, bowing before the queen. She was swathed in a black lace veil but he would recognize her long dark curls anywhere. Two ladies in waiting sat on a settee while the queen sat next to Kenhelm. He rose as she said his name.

"Nyle. You're finally here." The queen stood and went over to him, enveloping him in an embrace. Nyle smiled down at the petite woman, the only mother figure he ever remembered having. Tears were flowing down her face under her veil, making the lace stick to her cheeks.

"You have to save him Nyle. I can't lose both my sons."

Nyle kissed the back of her hand, squeezing it. "I promise I shall do my best, my lady. Everything I have learned to use in this life I will try until he is once again well."

The queen nodded in understanding. She knew the traitorous secret that he had shared with only one other person in the world and that person was now lying next to death in the bed at their side.

Nyle had magic.

Possessing such powers was enough to be banished. The mage wars had ended long before Nyle was born but the edict against magic and any who carried it was still enforced. That is why she suggested he be sent to the priesthood. As a follower of Heradotus he was skilled in the healing arts. If a little of his magic made him a bit more effective than his fellow priests it was little enough to not raise suspicion.

But to save Kenhelm he would have to do more. The magic inside was already reaching for him and Nyle was having a hard time holding it back.

"We shall leave you to your work."

The queen swept from the room and the ladies and the guard followed her. Soon they were alone for the first time in many years. Nyle looked down at Kenhelm who was lying in the middle of his big bed, his chest barely rising and falling with his breath. Nyle went to him, sitting on the bed and reaching out to untie his tunic. It took some effort to pull it off. Kenhelm had grown into a wide shouldered man, thick with muscle.

 Nyle could see old scars on his chest along with a deep red wound in one shoulder. There was also a thick cut that started on his cheekbone, over his delicate eyelid and through his eyebrow all the way up to his hairline. That injury worried Nyle the most, the eye was a very delicate organ and he couldn't tell if it was damaged or not.

Healing it could take a lot of energy.

He looked down to see his hands tracing the lines of the scars and wounds all along the muscular torso. He blushed a little but kept doing it, letting his magic seep slowly into Kenhelm's unconscious body. He closed his eyes and sank forward. He had only read about this before and he wasn't sure how it would work but for his childhood best friend, he had to try. He thanked Heradotus he had found the forbidden book with the details of the magical healing at all. Most had been purged.

His mouth parted and he fitted them to the lips he had dreamed about for years. They were lax below him, not the firm lips that took control of him and the caress like in his dreams though. Nyle shook himself mentally, he wasn't trying to kiss the prince; he was trying to save him. He reached inside his body for the place where the magic lived and he held onto the power. Then he took a deep breath, using the magic that he'd sunk into the Prince to latch onto the sickness and hurt.

He had to pull it from Kenhelm's body and it took slow, steady care. His lungs expanded as he pulled as hard as he dared; his body shook as he fought to keep breathing in until every speck of the wrongness he could sense was gone.

Then he visualized his power as a burst of white heat. It flowed through his lungs and burned away the sickness. Exhaling, the heat rose from his lungs to spill out from his body. It flowed from his lips to Kenhelm's open mouth below him. Nyle exhaled, sending the white fire deep into the prince's body. He used every spare ounce of energy in his body and gave it to his childhood best friend. Right as his arms gave out he realized he gave a little too much but at that moment his vision darkened and he lost consciousness.

[Mann Ramblings]

Any time I've tried to use a description as you the one you used, i get spanked by my editor! Haven't done it in a while.

 

 

Even an old dog can be taught. But clearly, Carlos likes the spankings...

[Caz Pedroso]

 

 

    “Son of a bitch!” the unmovable object said, rubbing the center of a very wide chest as he stood still in the middle of the sidewalk staring down at the prostate form on the concrete.

 

 

 

I'm making the guess that Dane couldn't have known the 'unmovable object' or Tap-as I believe the character was called-was rubbing his chest and the POV switches when you wrote "he stood...staring down at the prostate form..."

 

BTW I loved both those stories as you may have guessed

[Valkyrie]

 

    “Son of a bitch!” the unmovable object said, rubbing the center of a very wide chest as he stood still in the middle of the sidewalk staring down at the prostate form on the concrete.

 

 

 

 

  'prostate' form.  I'm such a grammar geek, this make me burst out laughing.    (Sorry, Cia ) 

[Caz Pedroso]

Even an old dog can be taught. But clearly, Carlos likes the spankings...

 

That's not what Drew says over in COTT's forum. He Says...

[Drew Espinosa]

That's not what Drew says over in COTT's forum. He Says...

That is classified.

 

On the topic at hand: I really hate those specific descriptions, but what absolutely irritates me is when it happens within the first two paragraphs of a story. I feel as if the start of the story is sidelined to describe a character's physical attributes. I prefer generic descriptions that way I have my own image of the character ( I fill in the gaps)

Edited July 7, 2015 by Drew Espinosa

[Cia]

  'prostate' form.  I'm such a grammar geek, this make me burst out laughing.    (Sorry, Cia ) 

 

Can we tell how old this is? Writing is definitely an evolution. We all make rookie mistakes and learn from them--and each other!

[Graeme]

I've used descriptions like this twice. Once was in my very first story, but even there I had a justification because the narrator was thinking about the basketball team he belonged to. As such, height was an important characteristics. Similarly for the second time, when I was describing a football team. What I did then was put the details into a Dramatis Personae, using a similar style to the real-life football team websites.

 

Otherwise, I try to avoid doing this. I prefer descriptions to be loose with only relevant information described, and to do so when it's natural (like when one character talks about another).

[thecalimack]

Before I knew it, I'm getting so much advice I could have a parade. These are wonderful insights, guys.

 

It's just that I tried going around Wattpad.

NEVER AGAIN. I know they have a few gems there, but most of it makes me cringe.

 

Anyway, I write descriptions as characters notice them. So some people end up vage every now and then but enough detail in their personality upon interaction.

Edited July 6, 2015 by thecalimack

[Drew Espinosa]

It's just that I tried going around Wattpad.

NEVER AGAIN. I know they have a few gems there, but most of it makes me cringe.

I know the feeling... **Shudder**

Edited July 7, 2015 by Drew Espinosa

[Ron]

I'm going to climb out on a limb and say that detailed descriptions of characters is a requirement when writing fantasy and science fiction. Again, though, all the various ways of doing this for humans remains the same for non-humans; you don't come right out with a physical description—you leak it out. Although subtlety is a good form to reach for, don't discount the dramatic affect of a great in your face description. That still doesn't mean a list of height, weight and, etc. Use the description as part of the drama: set the atmosphere, active narration, a partial description, more active narration, added description—until the green, pustule infested, wet skinned, seven foot tall horror is dripping slime on your face as you lie trapped under its hulking physique.

 

Of course, the hero wins the day, but don't let him/her off the hook entirely.  That's boring.

[JamesSavik]

Cole asked, "Wh..While we're get...ting to know each other bet..ter, wh..what does JD stand for?"

 

JD grimaced and said, "It's really embarrassing." He licked the salt off his hand, took the tequila shot and bit the lemon.

 

"The initiation that Aguilar put us through was really embarrassing", Chris said as he poured another shot.

 

The tequila burned on the way down. JD caught his breath and said, "That's a fact.  It's how he establishes dominance over kids like us."

 

Chris said, "Nobody is going to want to talk about it either. I don't get it. Luis is really hot. Why does he have to be such an asshole?" 

 

JD said, "My old man used to call it little man syndrome. Luis is a little guy- 5' 9" probably 120 pounds. He makes up for it with viscousness."

 

Cole said, "And his goo..goon squad."

 

"Yeah", JD growled. "He couldn't get away with half the shit I've seen him pull without James, Juan and Carlos."

 

Chris took his shot and said, "Do you know any of those guys?"

 

JD sighed. "Juan and Carlos don't speak English so I don't know what they're like. James is just a big dumb kid. He's all right though. One night I was short and Juan wasn't happy with me. James was supposed to rough me up. He just drove me home, smoked a joint, hugged me and said I was too cute to mess up so don't fuck up again."

 

Chris said, "James is..."

 

JD laughed and said, "Uhh, yeah. He got me f*cked up and blew me like a hurricane."

 

Cole said, "Wh...whoa! I thought he wa..was just another go..gorilla."

 

"Sweetest gorilla I ever met", JD said as he lit a joint. "That guy has a crank like a horse."

 

"I guess I see why he's working for Luis", Chris said as he took the joint. "Muscle and the convenience of having a nice crank on hand."

 

Everybody got a chuckle and Cole said, "So Wh..what does JD re..really stand for?"

 

JD said, "Promise you won't laugh... much?"

 

The twins nodded.

 

"JD stands for Jefferson Davis."

 

 

 

 

Notice what you learned about the characters that was only implied and not explicitly stated.

Edited July 7, 2015 by jamessavik

[Adam Phillips]

There are times in narrative where you need your reader to be able to "see" the physical characteristics of characters. But that doesn't mean a dossier description is ever the way to do it. The only exception I can see to a rule "forbidding" it is one where a dossier-type description is somehow integral to the storyline. If you don't sledgehammer the reader with it, you can get away with it to a degree. I did it a bit in Crosscurrents as a part of Andy's reminiscences of his childhood with Matt, but as I read back over it, I find that it's not too obtrusive or jarring. It feels somewhat natural coming from the head or word processor of an older Andy, looking back and talking about what the two boys were like as kids.

 

There are all kinds of creative ways to convey physical information in passing in a novel. And it's actually kind of fun for me to figure out ways to do that. Here's an example from Crosscurrents, which, admittedly, is far, far from Steinbeck, but still...

 

"Standing face-to-face with me he held me fixed, as he always could, with the determination radiating from those ice-blue eyes of his;"

 

That was from Chapter 2. I hadn't up to that point described Matt's eyes. But I did want the readers to include that detail in their mental picture of Matt. It's just that I didn't need them to have that detail right away. I was cool with letting the reader start with a somewhat blank template and filling it in as we went along. In doing that, I was consciously imitating some of the writers I most admire, who tease you into an apprehension of a character rather than front-loading everything in one massive data-dump.

Edited July 9, 2015 by Adam Phillips

[The Pecman]

The moment the character describes himself or herself, I'm gone. To me, that's a totally amateur move that's unnecessary and silly. 

 

I think it's much more subtle to let the reader learn who the lead characters are over time. For example, in one scene the character fumbles for his glasses... now we know he wears glasses. Or somebody shoves him on the street and calls him a shrimp... we know he's short. You can learn a lot through the actions of other characters and how they react to your leads.

 

The other cheesy move is to have the character look at himself or herself in the mirror and wince at all their faults. I've done this in older stories, and it's cheesy. I wouldn't do it again today -- too obvious and heavy-handed.