The Cockney Canuck - 7. Chapter 7 Back in my own Bed

“You're going to have to live with them for the next three years at least,” Tom said. “So it’s probably a good idea to get to know them a bit first?” I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to get to know them, let alone live with them for three years, but I understood the logic in what he was saying.

After breaking the news about my mom, I was soon comfortable enough in the company of my new guardians to start asking a few questions. Don had initially breached the subject soon after they arrived at Tom’s house, when he had tested the waters and confirmed what I already knew.

I would be moving to Canada, no matter what and I would be living with them and their three children, at least until my eighteenth birthday.

The only uncertainty the date, which naturally, I was going to postpone for as long as possible. Originally, they wanted me to go back with them but I had managed to buy myself some time by asking if I could spend the Christmas with Tom and his family, who I knew much better than my own. He gave way on this but wasn’t going to be easily fooled into allowing me an unspecified stay of execution. He would be paying my fare, and ultimately would decide when I had to leave. I was sure that he would be thinking the first week in January so that I could start school at the beginning of the new term.

I was surprised by Don and Sue’s approach. We all knew that this had been arranged at my mom’s request, but my first impression was that they genuinely wanted me to move in with them, and it confused me. I wondered what the catch was. While I knew that they would follow my mother’s wishes, I hadn’t expected them to be overjoyed at the prospect of giving a home to a moody and possibly troublesome teenager.

They hadn’t seen me since I was four-years-old and knew little about me. It was safe to assume that most people would have had at least some reservations about taking on such a responsibility. Instead, they gave the impression that they couldn’t wait for me to join them, and although I thought it a little odd, their friendly approach definitely helped to settle my nerves and gain my trust.

They were well prepared for my questions, most of which were fairly predictable. I asked them about their children who I thought would present the biggest obstacle and cause the most problems, but Don didn’t share my concern.

“Naturally it will take a while for you to get to know each other again, but you don’t need to worry about them. They’re good kids and they’re looking forward to meeting you.”

‘Meeting me, yes, but I’m gonna be living in their house’.

“You’ve nothing to worry about, they want you there,” said Sue. “You’re not gonna be disrupting their lives, it’s a big house.”

I wasn’t convinced, but at least they were trying to sell it to me, which they didn’t really need to do. The rosy picture that they were painting, was designed to make me feel better about my move, but the decision had already been made for me months ago before I even knew about it

I wanted to know where they lived, and about the school. How cold it gets in the winter, would I have to learn French, and are there any wild animals, or red Indians nearby. They looked drained following their overnight flight but I never let up; it was important to me; these were things that I needed to know.

All of their answers were positive and almost too good to be true. I was trying to find something to hold against them, a chink in their armour that I could use to delay my move, but their story was watertight.

Their mission seemed to be to get to know me, gain my trust, and get me on board, by telling me how good my life would be. I listened to them enthusiastically, without allowing myself to be too carried away by what they said, and without giving away my main fear. I wanted to ask them if it was okay to be gay in their small town, and maybe I should have, but even the thought of revealing my most guarded secret to strangers who now had a legal hold on my life, was a terrifying prospect.

I wanted to believe him, but I also knew that he worked in advertising and I got the impression that he was treating this as another sales pitch. One of the things that he failed to mention, was the fact that I would have to share a bedroom with his son. This quite important piece of information I suspect was conveniently omitted from his pitch and I never thought to ask.

* * * * *

That evening I said goodbye to Tom and his dad drove Don, Sue, and I to my mom’s apartment where we would be staying for the next couple of weeks. I had been there on occasion to collect mail, and extra clothes that I needed, but this would be my first stay there since they took my mom to the hospital. I found it upsetting to be back. There were a lot of memories; and although mostly happy ones, it was overpowering and I felt her presence everywhere. While Don and Sue unpacked, I retreated to the safety of my bedroom before where I collapsed on the bed and buried my head in the pillow. I was hoping that they wouldn’t hear me crying, but Sue had already noticed my mood change and when I didn’t respond to her knocking on the door she marched in and sat on the bed.

I was embarrassed by what I considered to be a childish display of emotion. It showed a weakness in my character that I wasn’t proud of but didn’t seem able to control. It was my first day with them and I had been trying to give a good impression.

I apologised to Sue as I sat up on the bed and she wrapped her arm around me and rubbed my head.

“Honey, it’s been barely more than a day, we don’t expect you to be at your best. I know it hurts but it’s no shame to cry.”

“It’s difficult for me here,” I said, “in this place.”

“I understand, and we want to help you, Robbie. What can we do to make it easier for you?”

“Tom,” I said.

They had already seen how close we were and I noticed Sue, in particular, watching us together earlier that day at Tom’s house. It was a no-brainer.

“Why don’t we ask Tom if he would like to stay over for a few days?” she said, and she must have seen my face light up at the suggestion because she pounced on it straight away.

“Really?”

“I’ll talk to his parents and providing they don’t have any objections, then you can ask Tom tomorrow when he finishes school.”

“How long can he stay for.”

“I guess that’s up to the pair of you to decide,” she said and she asked me to call his house number on my phone before walking into the living room to talk with his parents. I already knew them well enough to be almost certain that they wouldn’t object, and this was confirmed by a smiling Sue when she returned for another over-friendly hug.

* * * * *

I was expecting a positive response from Tom when I called him the following evening to ask if he wanted to stay over, but my surprise had been foiled by his sister who had already given him the heads up.

“I’ve packed my bag full of games,” he said. “My dad will drop me off when he gets home.” It was the best news that I could have had and it brought a genuine smile to a face stained by tears.

He arrived in time for dinner and as always he was good company, winning over my Canadian house guests with his cockney charm. “If you're looking to adopt anyone else then you can have me,” he said as we sat around the table. Don and Sue were quite taken by him and told him that they would keep his offer in mind. It could never happen but I wasted a lot of spare time daydreaming about it.

My bed was wider than Tom’s and a lot more comfortable, but any hopes that I had of him sharing it with me, had been dashed by my uncle’s willingness to splash the cash. That afternoon a brand new single bed and mattress were delivered to the apartment, and Tom and I spent most of the evening putting it together in my room which was wide enough to fit both beds side by side, with a gap of a couple of feet between them.

“It’s the no touching zone,” said Tom, but I already had my doubts. Tom’s presence in the apartment that evening had changed my mood completely and lifted me out of the dark hole that I had been in the previous night. It was a remarkable change, which wasn’t lost on Don and Sue.

His money no object approach may have been another attempt to win me over, but on that occasion, his generosity failed to earn him any extra brownie points.

“How long are you expecting me to stay for,” said Tom as he bounced enthusiastically on his newly set up bed.

“Until they go back,” I said.

“Two weeks, cool…I’m gonna need to bring over some more clothes.”

It was ten o’clock on Friday night, but I wasn’t tired. Two and a half days had passed since my mom’s death and my sleep pattern had been tipped on its head. I had slept late that morning after struggling to sleep the first night back. Now there was another reason to stay awake, and although it was unlikely that Tom would agree to play any adult games with me, I was going to have some fun trying.

Now that he knew about me and it clearly didn’t bother him, I was free to be myself when we were alone and it felt good being able to talk openly with my best friend about how I felt. He was aware that I liked him, and under the circumstances, I thought that it was cool of him to undress in front of me as usual instead of sneaking into the toilet like a lot of boys would have done. Tom and I had always got changed in front of each other, but I was expecting my revelation a couple of days earlier, to be a bit of a game changer, especially now that he had had time to dwell on it.

“You’re not gonna try to jump me in the middle of the night are you?” he said as he climbed into bed in just a pair of undies.

“Not unless you want me too.” He didn't reply but at least it wasn't a rejection.

* * * * *

It was midday when I finally made it out of my room the next day. I was surprised to hear from Don that he had walked to school with Tom that morning and talked to Mr Jenkins about my move to Canada. He had also been to the hospital and made arrangements for my mom to be taken to a funeral home, while Sue had been cleaning up the apartment. They certainly hit the ground running.

“Aren’t you two supposed to be jet lagged or something?”

Don laughed and then asked me who Mrs Oakey was. This certainly got my full attention and I asked him if she had talked to him.

“Your head teacher has asked me to call her.”

“She’s my social worker,” I said, pulling a face as if I had just tasted something nasty. “She wants to put me into a foster home.”

Sue sounded surprised. “She wants to what?” she said and I could see her looking at Don for an answer.

“Why?” asked Don.

“Because she doesn't like me,” I said with a mouthful of toast. It was the best that I could come up with at the time and it made Don smile. He had already dialled the number he had been given and I could hear her shrill tones over the phone, which sent a shiver up my spine. He made an appointment to see her that very afternoon.

‘Obviously, he likes to get things done; my uncle but I should warn him about her’.

“Mrs Oakey will try to stop you taking me to Canada,” I said. I didn’t know why but I had the feeling that this would be the case.

Don gave me a reassuring smile. “We’ll see about that,” he said with all the confidence of someone who knew that he had a winning hand.

I was beginning to like him already and it felt good all of a sudden to have someone fighting my corner other than Tom. Don had a certain boldness about him that made me feel secure for the first time in ages. After my mom had been taken to the hospital, I had begun to feel very vulnerable and people like Mrs Oakey were like vultures circling overhead. Don had taken that feeling away and made it clear that he was on my side from the very beginning. He reminded me of my mom in that way. He had her determination.

My uncle earned himself a few plus points that morning, but my day was about to get even better when he told me that they had been invited out to dinner on Saturday. These people were apparently good friends of my mom too and he asked me if I wanted to go with them, but I politely declined. I couldn’t help wondering if they had been such good friends of my mom’s, why they hadn't been able to visit her in the hospital when it mattered. They would have to leave in the afternoon and probably wouldn’t be home until late and was concerned about leaving us on our own in the apartment.

“You don’t have to worry,” I said. “Tom’s going to be bringing home lots of schoolwork for me to do, which will definitely keep me busy. I can cook too, so I can make us both some dinner. We’ll be fine on our own. You two should go out and have fun with your friends.”

‘Was that a little over the top? I would never trust someone who was that enthusiastic about me going out’.

“Well you don’t have to spend all your time doing school work,” said Sue.

Don looked at me and gave me a knowing smile. “You don’t think for a minute that I’m gonna be fooled that easy do you?” he said. “I know what you two will be doing and it won’t be schoolwork.”

I swallowed the piece of toast that I was eating almost whole and looked at him wide eyed, waiting for his answer.

“They’ll probably be playing games all day,“ he said, “am I right?”

I let a smile creep across my face. “Not all day,” I said. “But there is a new game that we want to try out.”

“I thought so,” he said looking smugly at me and I sheepishly returned his smile.

“Just make sure you remember to eat something", said Sue. “I know what boys are like when they're playing games. Daniel’s the same.”

“Yeah he’s got all the latest games you’ll get on well with him,” said Don.

‘I doubt that he would want to play the same games as Tom and me’.

Now that we would have the privacy that we needed, I decided that I would give it my best shot and then leave it to Tom to decide what he wanted. If he really wanted this to happen then he wouldn’t hesitate when presented with such a perfect opportunity. If on the other hand, he started to make excuses, then I wouldn’t push him or get upset about it. I would just have to accept it. We could and I was determined that we would, still be best friends no matter what. That was important to me. I knew that you could still be friends however far away we were.

That Friday afternoon, I was there on my own when Tom arrived home from school, Don was out seeing Mrs Oakey and Sue was shopping, so I decided to give Tom the full ‘housewife’ treatment.

“How was everyone?” I asked as I opened the front door and pulled him inside by his lapels.

“They were all asking about you,” he said. “What are you doing?”

I took off his blazer, removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. “Just making you feel at home,” I said. “I missed you today.” I took his hand, led him into the living room and sat him in the armchair.

“I’ve only be gone a few hours.”

“Well, it seems like days to me,” I said as I knelt in front of him to untie his shoelaces.

He shook his head and gave me a lopsided grin that made me blush and sent my pulse racing. “Your uncle walked with me to school this morning,” he said. “I suppose they're not here at the moment.” I laughed and pulled off his shoes before running my fingers across the bottom of his socked feet. I forgot how ticklish he was and he pulled them away laughing.

“Don’t panic I’m not going to undress you,” I said. “Not yet anyway, that can wait until tomorrow.” I got up and sat down on the arm of his chair, leaning back to put my arm around his shoulders. I explained to him that we would have the place to ourselves for most of the next day and waited for his reaction.

“So you're planning to seduce me tomorrow afternoon then,” he said.

“Are you okay with that?”

“It depends on what you want to do.”

“Everything,” I said.

“Everything?”

“Ahem.” He looked a little concerned all of a sudden. “Tom if you don’t want to do this then I understand.”

“No it’s not that,” he said. “It’s just that tomorrow is —”

‘What is tomorrow? Did I forget something? Did I promise to be somewhere else’?

“The big game. Can we listen to that first?”

I laughed, but I knew that Tom was deadly serious and I had to concede. He was prepared to enter into a sexual relationship with his best friend and do whatever I wanted, as long as it didn’t interfere with the football match. That was funny.

I rubbed his shoulders and moved in close, unable to resist that sweet face of his for a second longer. I reassured him that there would be plenty of time to fit the football match in as well, before we kissed. We were getting better at this; it was a lot smoother and not so rushed, but I had to jump up at the sound of the key in the door.

* * * * *

That evening after we had eaten Don told me all about his conversation with Mrs Oakey and also explained what arrangements he had made for my mom’s funeral. It would take place three days before Christmas and a day before they had to leave to go back to Canada so that they could be with their children over the holiday period. I would be able to go with them if I wanted, or I could wait until the New Year. I chose the New Year so that I could spend Christmas with Tom but it meant that my time in England was now very definitely coming to an end and so was my time with Tom. I tried not to think too much about it but it played on my mind for the rest of the evening and made whatever happened the next day even more important.

After Tom went off to bed that night, I stayed up talking to Don and Sue. Don was organising my mom’s finances and went through her will with me. My mom had set up a trust fund, which I could access in Canada once I was eighteen. This would be the money that was left over from her life insurance once the mortgage had been paid off and from the sale of the apartment if I chose to sell right away.

“I want to keep it and rent it out,” I told him but I was expecting him to try to persuade me otherwise.

“I was hoping that you would say that,” he said. “That’s the right thing to do because the value of the property will increase and make you much more money than you would be able to earn in interest if you sold it now and left it in the trust fund. You're a smart kid.”

He had me completely wrong; I didn’t have a clue about interest rates, house prices, inflation, or trust funds and I was anything but financially astute. The only reason why I wanted to keep the apartment was so I could come back and live with Tom.

* * * * *

Tom’s curiosity and ability to deny the obvious were instrumental in helping me through the most difficult period of my life, and although I was always quick to sing his praises to anyone who would listen, they would never understand the depth of our friendship. He would insist to me that he wasn’t gay, but there were times when this excuse wore thin and was difficult to believe.

"I don't like other boys in that way," he said. "It's just you."

“I’m honoured, but you're definitely missing something here. I mean that isn’t how it works. Maybe you're bi-sexual. That’s cool.”

He just shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

“If you like me, then you have to like other boys too. That’s definite.” I said. “I mean there are lots of boys in school who I fancy.”

“There are?”

“Well, not lots, but a few … quite a few.”

“Who?”

“It’s not important,” I said. “It’s not about me, it’s about you.”

“But I don’t like any of the boy’s in school, in a sexual way,” he said. “Except you.”

“What about Jamie Callaghan?” This I knew was a real banker. Jamie was in our year and he was blonde and very good-looking. All the girls fancied him and I was sure that a lot of the boys did too. He was a stud and I would never have turned him down. Of course, Jamie wasn’t gay, but it didn’t matter.

“Jamie Callaghan?” He’s not even gay.

“But neither are you apparently. Anyway, he’s still bloody gorgeous.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on Tom, he’s a hunk, a sex god, I would do anything just for ...!”

“So you fancy Jamie Callaghan,” he said with a mocking smile.

“No, of course not ... I mean he’s okay I suppose, but not really my cuppa. How about Oliver Pritchard? He’s really nice and he’s got a bit of a package on him too,” I winked.

“Ollie?” No way,” he said. “You like him too?”

“No, but I thought that you might, that’s all.”

“But you’ve been checking out his package?”

“Not on purpose,” I said. “You know in the showers, you can’t miss it, the bloke’s huge.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

‘I don’t know how he’s managed to miss it’.

“What about Derek Gilbert?” He was a real pretty boy and as camp as they come. He could easily be mistaken for a girl; maybe Tom liked boys that were slightly more feminine.

“No,” he said. “Derek is definitely gay.”

“So am I, Tom!”

“But he looks it.”

I shook my head in despair, the kids that I was naming were all hot, no doubt about it. I would have given a kidney for one night with either of them. They were definitely all better looking than me that was for sure.

“Leo Redman?

“Nope.”

”Amit Bhutan?”

“Nuh uh.”

“Roger what’s-his-face?”

“You're having a laugh.”

“Jacek Tomeski?”

“He’s a teacher, Robbie.”

“I know, but he’s still hot.”

“No, he isn’t.”

All I was doing was providing Tom with a list of boys who I would have shagged at the drop of a hat given the opportunity and I’m sure he wouldn’t be forgetting them in a hurry. Tom was giggling and I asked him what was so funny.

“I can’t believe you fancy a teacher,” he said laughing. “He’s over forty! That’s strange.”

I shrugged my shoulders to tell him that I didn’t really care. Mr Tomeski wasn’t the only teacher that I had lusted after.

“Are there any boys in the school who you don’t find attractive?”

I stared at the wall as if I really needed time to consider this. “No,” I said. Tom laughed. “I’m a gay teenager and a virgin. I’m desperate for sex. There’s not a penis in the school that I wouldn’t gladly suck on at the moment. Boys, teachers, hell I’d even give the fucking caretaker a run for his money.”

“She’s a woman.”

“What?”

“The caretaker’s a woman.”

“Oh … she has a mustache?”

“I know … she’s from Eastern Europe.”

“Oh, that’s scary.”

* * * * *

Saturday afternoon for Tom meant only one thing, and that was football and football meant Arsenal, who were playing that afternoon. Tom was much more of a fan than I was and nothing was allowed to distract from the match. We had to listen to the radio commentary because of the broadcasting restrictions, but I think that I liked it better that way because it meant that I could watch Tom getting all worked up and listen to the match at the same time. He was wearing his lucky Arsenal top and I was praying that they would win, knowing that it would put him in a good mood. We were jumping around the room when they scored late in the game to win one-nil and at the final whistle; we stood in the middle of room and hugged each other as if we had scored the goal ourselves.

The game had finished and we were alone in the apartment for at least another six hours. It was set up perfect and I knew that if ever anything were going to happen between us, it would be then.

I squeezed him hard pulling him tight against me.

“I can’t breathe,” he said.

“Sorry,” I released my hold on him slightly and he smiled at me.

“I thought that you wanted to make love to me not kill me,” he said. It was the first indication that he gave me that he had intended to go through with this and my dick started to swell.

“Do you want me to let you go?” I said.

“No,” said Tom as he nuzzled his face into my neck. I liked that and I think he knew it. I responded by boldly sliding my hands under his football shirt and rubbing his smooth back. His skin was perfect and warm to the touch as my fingers glided over his shoulder blades and all the way down to the sit comfortably inside the waistband of his jeans. I could feel him kissing my neck and I closed my eyes and let out the softest moan of appreciation to let him know how good it felt. So far, so good, it seemed like Tom had read the script well and was even improvising as he bit gently on my skin and then sucked on it, causing my knees to buckle and my whole body to shudder. “Can I take your shirt off?” I whispered in his ear and he responded by moving away and lifting his arms, allowing me to pull it over his head.

“You too,” he said and I could feel him pulling at my shirt in the same fashion. He threw it playfully across the room and stood facing me. “You look really nervous,” he said.

I was but I was also excited as he held my hands in front of us. His palms were sweaty and warm as I laced our fingers together and pulled his body towards me until it was pressed tight against mine. I could smell his minty fresh breath against my face and opened my mouth to taste his lips as we kissed hard and fast. I felt his tongue and sucked it into my mouth squeezing his juices from it as he began rubbing himself against me. We kissed frantically before pulling apart to catch our breath. His face was flushed, sweaty and wet with saliva as he moved in close again and I felt his tongue invading my ear before nibbling and sucking on my ear lobe. I had to reach down the front of my trousers to free up my dick and give it some room and as I did this, he pushed himself against me so that I could feel his erection against the back of my hand. I turned my hand around and began rubbing his hardness through his jeans and soon Tom’s hands were between us as well, frantically undoing my button and zipper. I gasped when I felt his warm hand on my flesh as he grabbed my dick and squeezed it in his hand.

“Not here,” I said as he began rubbing me. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

I was surprised by Tom’s assertiveness; I had been expecting to have to make a move on him. As soon as we entered the bedroom, he shut the door and pushed me up against it, kissing my shoulder as his hand returned to the front of my pants.

I tilted my head back to look at the ceiling, breathing heavily and smiling.

I wanted to cry but I couldn’t stop smiling, I wanted to talk to him but there was nothing that I could say that could possibly explain how I was feeling. I had dreamed of similar scenarios repeatedly but never had I ever expected something like this to happen in real life. I pushed him back.

“It’ll be better if we lie down,” I said. “And we can get rid of these.” I tugged at his jeans and we giggled as we stripped off our remaining clothes to stand facing each other, naked.

I don’t know why, but we stood there for a while staring down at each other’s erections, two virgins shaking and giggling nervously in anticipation of what we were about to do. I had seen that body so many times before but never had he looked so appealing. He was glowing in the semi-darkened room and the orange streetlights reflected comfortably against his pale skin. It made his complexion look almost Mediterranean as he stood timidly shifting his weight from one leg to another unable to keep still. I don’t think that either of us knew quite what to do. I wanted to touch him but he beat me to it and grabbed hold of himself.

“Who’s the biggest?” said Tom and we laughed as we pressed our dicks together each of us claiming to have the slightest advantage. The truth was we were remarkably similar the only difference was that I was circumcised. We already knew this but now I would finally get the opportunity to play with a foreskin. For the first time ever I was able to look at Tom’s penis with impunity and without any embarrassment. Then with a naughty smile, he began jerking himself off right in front of me. I would have been happy to watch the show to its conclusion, but I wanted to be a part of it. I reached out and took it from him without missing a stroke and just like sprinters passing a baton, he simultaneously grabbed hold of me with a firm grip and began to pump at exactly the same pace. It might have looked funny had anyone seen us and we laughed at ourselves.

“I always had you down as good wanker,” he said.

“I’ve had a lot of practice over the years.”

‘Thinking of you’.

“What now?” he asked. His face was flushed and his eyes alive with expectation. He licked his lips and I wasn’t able to resist. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him backwards onto the bed. It had taken a while but I finally had Tom into my bed naked. After all those years of pretending and in the end, it had actually come true. It didn’t matter if it was only for a few short weeks, it didn’t matter if it was only for that night. It didn’t even matter if he was gay, straight or somewhere in between, I could tell that he wasn’t acting.

Tom never did anything by half measures and he proved that beyond doubt that evening as we rolled around the bed wrestling, tickling, pinching, prodding, kissing, licking, sucking, poking and fingering each other. In the heat of the moment, we were whispering things to one another that I had never imagined myself saying to or hearing from another human being. That kind of intimacy never made it to the cut and thrust of my fantasies, but I found it exciting beyond belief. I could see that Tom was getting really close to the point of no return, so I decided to raise the bar yet again and see what happened.

“Do you want me to suck you, Tom?” I said and he looked at me as if he was going to pass out. I kissed him on the lips before gradually kissing my way down his chin and neck to his smooth inviting chest. “I don’t mind, honestly.”

Poor Tom could hardly get his words out. “If you ... want,” he said. I wanted to do this more than anything else in the world. Tom was squirming beneath me as I reached his nipples and spent time sucking on each of them, before moving steadily down towards my prize. I knew that time was short and as I stopped off briefly at his navel, I was able to feel his warmth against my neck and his wet tip against my chin as I turned to study him close up and in all his glory. I played with his foreskin and licked my way up his shaft before allowing him to glide into my mouth. I was surprised, because I hadn't expected him to take up so much room in there. Tom wasn’t overly large, probably only average but inside my mouth he felt huge and I was having trouble doing anything at all. He was pressed against my tongue and I gagged when he hit the back of my mouth. I never imagined that it would be as difficult as this; it looked so easy in the videos.

I had fallen in love with Tom’s tool, I knew I would. For years, it had tormented me from across the changing rooms and teased me in the showers, often dangling tantalizingly close to me. I could have easily reached out and grabbed it on a number of occasions, if I had had the bottle. I had watched it grow over the years like its owner from boy to teen to the brink of adulthood. From tiny shrimp to the fine specimen that I had held in my hand on that long awaited Saturday evening.