Gap Year - 53. Chapter 53

February 29, 2004

The Pacific Coast Highway

Santa Monica, CA

Will

“You seem deep in thought,” Travis said to me as I drove toward Malibu.

“I’m just trying to figure out a plan to deal with your father,” I said.

“You going to talk to me about it?” he asked. He sounded slightly annoyed with me, and that made me calm down my problem-solving mode, where I bulldozed ahead without consulting other people.

“Normally I just decide what to, dictate that to people, then command them to follow my directives,” I said. He got irritated until he saw me chuckling.

“Dude, you could be my father,” he joked.

“Or mine, if I was really like that,” I said. “When do you turn 18?”

“April 20,” he said.

“Dude, I forgot about that,” I said, laughing. “How appropriate that’s your birthday.”

“Makes me cooler,” he said in a cocky way.

“You have less than two months left to put up with his shit,” I concluded. “I have a plan for that.”

“Go on,” he said, encouraging me. I pulled into a Walgreens. “What are we doing here?”

“Getting you a clean phone,” I said. We went inside and got one of those phones that you paid a flat amount for then you had to add money to it when that ran out. We got back in the car and while I drove, he started following the directions to activate his new phone.

“Piece of shit phone,” he grumbled.

“Quit being a fucking princess,” I joked.

“Fuck you,” he said. “So tell me about your big plan.”

“I’m thinking that the goal is to make it easy to escape from surveillance,” I said, trying to sound officious.

“You’re such a dork,” he said, shaking his head at me. I waited for him to respond. “Yeah, that’s the dream.”

“Then here’s what we’ll do. We’ll find a place to park the Toyota near your school,” I explained. “You can drive your truck from your mom’s house to school, and then after school you can drive the Toyota and leave your truck at school with your phone in it. You can use the piece of shit in your hand in the meantime.”

“Then when I want to go home, I pick up my truck and drive it there,” he said, seeing the beauty in that. “Pretty slick.”

“Only here’s the deal,” I said. “You cannot say anything to anyone about that tape of your father. Nothing.”

“Why?” he demanded.

“Because to get your independence, you’re going to have to win it from him, and the only way to do that is to surprise him with overwhelming firepower,” I said.

“OK Stalin,” he said, teasing me for my military analogy.

“You know I’m right,” I said. We said nothing for a bit, and he finally nodded.

“How do you know about all this stuff?” he asked. “Shit, it’s like you’re the anti-parent warrior.” That really made me laugh, and I laughed even harder when I thought about how my father would grimace if he heard it.

“Did you know I’m emancipated?” I asked him. He looked confused. “That basically means that I’m an adult even though I’m not 18. I’ve been emancipated since I was 14.”

“Your father went along with that?” he asked, stunned.

“It wasn’t his first choice,” I said, making him chuckle. “In the end, he went along with it.”

“So that solved your problems?” he asked, and now it was my turn to laugh.

“Hardly, but it insulated me from him so he couldn’t just tell me what to do,” I said. “He had to ask me.”

“I can’t see my father ever doing that,” he said. “Don’t forget to stop by my truck.” We were right by the Malibu pier.

“Tell me where it is,” I said. He made me slow down when we got there, but it wasn’t tough to find it since there weren’t many cars parked there at night.

“That one,” he said, pointing to a kick ass truck. I pulled up behind it and he hopped out. “I’ll meet you at your house.”

“See you in a second,” I said, then gave him the code to get past the gates. The truck was nice but I was staring at his ass as he walked ahead of me. His whole body was a work of art. As soon as he got in and started it, I zipped back into traffic and drove up to our house.

I parked the BMW and left the garage door open while I waited for him. It required almost no time at all to unload our surf gear. He put his in his truck, while I put mine in the garage. It only took me a few minutes to return the keys to Jeff and thank him, then we were able to escape.

I hopped into his truck and looked at the shit scattered all over the place, and forced myself not to pick up the empty fast food wrappers on the floor. I mean, I wasn’t OCD like Wade, but I wasn’t this big of a slob. “Sorry it’s messy,” he said. “I’m not the most organized guy.”

I smiled at him, guessing this was part of his ADD. “It’s not a problem. At the same time, don’t be mad at me for cleaning it up.” I used that to give myself permission to straighten it up as he drove.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Nice truck,” I observed after I was done. We were motoring south on PCH, heading back to Bel Air.

“I got it a couple of months ago,” he said, and ran his hand lovingly across the leather covered steering wheel. “I love the crew cab cause it gives me room to haul people or shit around, and the high stance four-wheel drive is cool because then I can look down and check out hot guys.”

I laughed at that. “I like the color,” I said, which was a total chick observation.

“Indigo blue,” he said. “Blue is my favorite color. I put on different tires and wheels, which are so much better for four-wheeling.

“Do you do that a lot?” I asked.

“Sometimes,” he said. “Fun to take my dirt bike out and ride it around. That’s what the rack in back is for. You ever do that?”

“No,” I said. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like it.”

“I’ll teach you how to ride a dirt bike and you can teach me kinky sex moves,” he said, cracking me up.

“I’ll do that when we’re back in Malibu,” I said.

“What’s wrong with the hotel?” he asked.

“Because my father has a sex room in the house in Malibu,” I said.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked, and started laughing. “What’s in it?”

“I’ll show you next time we’re there,” I said. I’d have to make sure I could get into it first. Sometimes my hand didn’t unlock the room, especially now that I was older. That also meant having a conversation with my father, and that didn’t sound fun at all. “If we don’t get to do that now, we’ll do it in Hawaii. I had one put in at my house there.”

“You had a sex room put into your house?” he asked me stunned. “Your father didn’t have a fucking cow about that?”

“He started a big fight with me over it, but like I said, I’m emancipated, and there’s really nothing he can do about it,” I said, even as I cringed at how we’d been fighting before 9-11.

“So you planned this playground out and everything?” he asked. He was kind of intrigued, but I sensed he was also wondering just how slutty I was that I would know how to build out a room like that. I didn’t let that shit bother me anymore. Being with a bunch of different guys had made me a much better lover. He’d figure that out soon enough, and then he’d be happy about it.

“No,” I said, chuckling. “Stef did it for me.”

“One of the richest men in the world has a side career designing sex rooms,” he said, and started laughing.

“He’s an incredible guy,” I said lovingly.

“Well whichever place we try out, I am stoked!” he said enthusiastically. I gave him an odd look for being so adventurous, so he winked at me, making me laugh.

“When did you figure out you were gay?” I asked him. His initial reaction was a dirty look. He got over that and decided to answer my question.

“To be honest, probably when we were messing around,” he said.

“I wish I would have known that,” I said, thinking of how my life might have been different if I’d still been in Malibu when he came to that realization.

“Wish I would have known that too,” he said. “I meant that’s when it should have hit me. I didn’t actually admit it to myself until a couple of months ago.”

“Why did you stay in the closet for so long?” I asked.

“I didn’t stay in the closet, I didn’t think I was gay,” he said. “At first, with what we did, I figured we were just young dudes figuring shit out.”

“That probably happens to a lot of guys,” I said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if most guys experimented with another dude at least once.”

“Probably,” he said. “So then I had to deal with thinking I was bisexual.”

“You fucked a lot of chicks,” I said, leering at him.

“I fucked some chicks, and not all that often,” he said. “It was fun at first, but I don’t like it.”

“So if a hot chick showed up, stripped down, and spread her legs in front of you, you wouldn’t fuck her?” I asked.

“Not unless I had to,” he said. “Would you?”

I thought about that. “I’ve had sex with women before, and it can be nice, but I have to either have another dude there or think of one before I can get off.”

“See, I just have no desire to fuck a chick,” he said, blowing my mind. I mean, he was a total stud, the kind of guy you’d expect to have women hanging off him. I’d kind of pegged him as a dude like Zach, who could enjoy it but it wouldn’t really fire him up.

“Dude, you’re gayer than me!” I said, and we laughed.

“Guess I am,” he said.

“Have you been with many guys?” I asked.

“What’s with all the questions?” he snapped at me, then sighed angrily. I’d clearly hit a nerve. “Have you?” In other words, I had to open up to him first, which was totally fair.

“I have,” I said, then said nothing for a second. “A fuck-ton.”

He gave me an odd look, I smiled at him, and we laughed again. “I’ve been with three.”

“Dude, you’re a fucking walking wet dream,” I said. “Three? What the fuck?”

“I’m always being watched,” he said, and wiped a tear away. I put my hand on his shoulder supportively.

“Why would your father give a shit if you’re gay or not?” I asked.

“He’s fine if other people are gay, but he can’t stand that one of his kids might be,” he said, like that was alright. “In his mind, it’s all genetic, so he can’t handle admitting that his bloodline isn’t ‘pure’ and that there are gay genes in the mix.”

“Seriously?” I asked, stunned.

“I know it’s bullshit, but that’s how he thinks,” Travis said.

“That is seriously fucked up,” I said, so annoyed with Curtis Buck.

“He points to your family as an example,” he said. “Your grandfathers and your father are gay.”

“And he thinks there have never been any gay Bucks?” I asked.

“Not as far as he knows,” Travis said. We sat there in silence for a minute or two while he kept driving.

“I’m really sorry that you have to deal with that,” I said, and reached over to grab his hand. “If you need help, I will be there to back you up.”

“Thanks Will,” he said, and squeezed my hand back.

“Why are you worried about what he thinks?” I asked, trying to wrap my mind around this problem.

“Because there’s a morals clause in my trust,” he said. “If I’m engaging in immoral behavior, as defined by the trustee, he can delay releasing money to me.”

“That can’t stand up in a court, can it?” I asked. “Dude, you need a lawyer.”

“I have a lawyer,” he snapped. “I’m not that stupid.”

“I’m sorry,” I said hastily. I’d been throwing out plans and taking charge of his situation, acting like he had no clue how the adult world worked. I was mad at myself for treating him like a simp.

He shook his head to tell me not to worry about it. “I can’t do anything until I’m 18. After that, my legal team is going to go after him. The way it reads is that after he invokes that clause, I am allowed to pick a new trustee and I’m guaranteed an income of 5% from the trust, but I won’t get access to the principle until I’m 30.”

“Is that why he wanted Keith to find out you were gay?” I asked.

He nodded. “He’ll use that against me when I sue him.”

“What court in California would decide that was a problem?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“What court is brave enough to rule against him?” he asked.

“Maybe a court that is more afraid of my grandfather,” I said. He shrugged. “I said I’d help if you need it.”

“It means a lot to know that you’ve got my back, especially since I pretty much have no one else I can trust,” he said. It dawned on me that the reason he was so reserved and had such intense shields was because he really was alone in a sea of sharks.

“So who are the three guys you fucked?” I asked playfully.

“You and Zach,” he said. There was one more thing I needed to talk to him about, and I decided this was as good of a time as any.

“When I walked down into the woods, before you found me, I saw Taylor having sex with Vaughan Harvey,” I said.

“That’s nothing new,” he said. I stared at him. “He comes up and fucks her all the time.”

“Does Zach know?” I asked.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “She’s always had a thing for Vaughan, but they cannot get along.”

“So Zach is her safe boyfriend while Vaughan takes her to another planet,” I concluded.

“It’s probably like that,” he admitted uncomfortably. I was kind of surprised that he was being so nervous about this.

“So if Zach fucks Taylor, he’s off my safe list,” I said, shaking my head.

“Why?” Travis asked.

“Because I have no idea if she made Vaughan wear a condom, and he’s got to be fucking all kinds of people,” I said.

“Vaughan always wears a condom,” he said, then freaked out, because he hadn’t meant to let that slip out. It was pretty easy for me to connect the dots on that one.

“Or at least he does when he fucks you,” I concluded. That upset him so much he swerved into the other lane and almost sideswiped the car next to us.

“Fuck!” he said, trying to distract the conversation away from his sex life. “I almost ran into that car because you’re bugging me about this shit.”

“I’ll stop bugging you about it,” I said, even though this whole thing was blowing my mind. There was a lot to freak me out, but I couldn’t help but think about how sexy Vaughan was, and how much fun it might be to take him for a ride. I roped those thoughts in pretty quickly. We were quiet for the next five minutes, the amount of time it took us to get back to the hotel.

“Will you be mad at me if I just drop you off and head to my mom’s house?” he asked. “I’ve got school tomorrow, and I need to deal with all of this shit you laid on me today.”

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” I asked, all freaked out.

He smiled. “I am not mad at you,” he said. He moved toward me and pulled my head to his, giving me one of his stunning kisses. “It’s just been a lot.” I remembered that he was an ADHD person and an introvert, and that this might impact him even more because of that, because he’d need some calmness to figure it out.

“I understand,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said, winking at me. I gave him a kiss, hopped out of the truck, and walked over to the Toyota. I started it and followed him over to his school, which was less than ten minutes away. We found a gas station that would let us park it there for a hundred bucks a week, so I paid the dude for two weeks. After that, we got back in his truck for the quick drive back to the hotel. The silence in his truck was pretty uncomfortable.

“You coming over tomorrow?” I asked him, trying not to sound like I was pleading.

“If you want me to,” he said, and sounded as nervous as I was.

“I want you to,” I said, and smiled at him.

“I’ll stop by around four,” he said, but it was more of a question.

“Sounds great,” I said. I gave him one last kiss, then hopped out of the truck and strolled into the hotel. Instead of my room, I went to Stef’s.

Tom answered the door and patted me on the back, guiding me into the main room. “I see you are back,” Stef noted.

“I finished my errands,” I said. “I’m sorry that I’m keeping you up.”

He gestured for me to sit next to him, which I happily did. “I was contemplating sleep until I listened to the recordings.”

I spent the next hour telling him my story, trying to remember all the details, until I finally finished with the conversation I’d just had with Travis. I looked at Stef, waiting for his feedback, when Tom spoke. “So what are you going to do?”

I looked at him and blinked in surprise. I hadn’t really thought about a plan of action. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“I am reminded of a conversation I had with your father,” Stef said. “When he and Robbie were in high school, they had a disagreement that resulted in them opening up their relationship. Your father spent a great deal of time and energy torturing Robbie, until Robbie finally told him that they must either be fully together or separated completely.”

“For two dudes who loved each other, they sure fucked their relationship up a lot,” I said, shaking my head at their idiocy.

“I would not take the opposite argument,” Stef said, rolling his eyes. “In the end, it forced your father to consider the end game. Torturing Robbie gave him revenge, but was not a good vehicle for reconciliation.”

“That’s why I need to think about how I want this to turn out,” I concluded. I ruminated on that for a couple of minutes and appreciated that they gave me the time to do that. “I think that the deal with Travis and his father largely depends on what Travis wants to do.”

Stef raised his eyebrow in surprise, because my father would never have let someone else be the person forcing his decision. “Why is that?”

“If I were in his situation, it would be a total war,” I said, and the anger was so obvious in my voice even I had to smile at it. Stef and Tom reacted more visibly by laughing.

“I think I have witnessed that in the past,” Stef noted.

“Probably,” I grumbled, then changed the subject before they annoyed me. “If Travis wants to do that, I told him I’d have his back, but if he doesn’t want to, I’m not going to force him to do anything.”

“I think that is a good approach,” Stef said, “What about Zach?”

“I’m pretty annoyed with him for lying to me about tonight,” I said, and that fired up my anger again.

“I am wondering why he did that?” Stef asked. I had the sense this was a rhetorical question, so I just waited for him to go on. “You walked into the middle of his relationship with Travis, and it is quite possibly damaged as a result.”

I rebelled against feeling guilty about that, primarily because he was right. “It didn’t seem like that big of a deal to Zach.”

“How do you know that?” Stef asked. “You saw them together at their worst. It sounds like they had a workable thing before that, and that it was more pleasant and more fun.”

I thought about that. “Zach is kind of a selfish asshole unless he cares about someone. From what Travis says, he’s kind of like that, kind of a prick, when he’s with Travis.”

“That does not mean it is a bad relationship,” Stef said. “It only means it is not the same type of relationship you have with him.”

“You’re telling me I basically jumped in and peeled Travis away from him, and that’s why he did that, why he lied to me,” I concluded.

“Probably wanted some time alone with Travis to make sure things were okay,” Tom said.

“This is a nightmare,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m so into Travis it’s scary, but I still love Zach. And it seems that no matter what I do, Zach is going to end up getting hurt, and I can’t do that to him.”

“So you would be willing to sacrifice a relationship with Travis so you don’t hurt Zach?” Stef asked me pointedly. I froze, because this was probably the same dilemma Travis had when I’d handed him my phone and offered to let him call Zach and cancel.

“I don’t want to do that,” I said. “Travis and I have a strong connection. I feel the same way about him that I felt about Tony and Zach when we first started hanging out.”

“So you wouldn’t do that then?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, and looked at Stef. “How do I get myself out of this situation?”

“I think there are two feasible alternatives,” Stef said, offering me hope. “The first is that you pick either Zach or Travis to have a sexual relationship with, or perhaps neither, and the other one is demoted to the friend level.”

“Friends with no benefits,” I grimaced. “The only way that would work is if I cut Travis off and still hooked up with Zach. And even if I did that, I’d have to come up with one hell of a reason so I didn’t completely shatter Travis’s ego. Shit, I’d be lucky if he even wanted to be my friend after that.”

“Why is being his friend so important to you?” Tom asked. I was so glad he was actually involved in this conversation, and not just sitting there like a slug.

“Because of our connection, like I said,” I pointed out. “And because he really doesn’t have anyone else he can trust. He’s isolated, alone.”

Stef smiled. “You are a good friend. Once you have pulled someone into your inner circle, you are loyal beyond all expectations.”

“Thanks,” I said a bit uncomfortably. “I’m not sure that’s right though.”

“No?” Tom asked, challenging me.

“I am sure,” Stef said emphatically. “The way you reacted with Cam and Jeff was largely because Jeff is part of your circle, and you were unwilling to let him get hurt or played. You are doing the same thing with Travis.”

“So that’s a bad thing?” I asked, feeling a little embattled.

“Don’t be daft,” Tom said, shaking his head.

Stef smiled. “It is a good thing. I was just admiring one of your better traits.”

“Thanks,” I said, trying to sound sincere. It was mildly irritating that he’d managed to compliment me in a way that made me feel totally defensive. In any event, I opted to get back to the topic at hand. “You said there were two options. The first one sucks. What’s the other one.”

“Have a threesome,” Stef said. I looked at him in surprise, then looked at Tom, who gave me a somewhat shocked look, since he didn’t get that either.

“That sounds like a lot of fun, but how will that solve the problem?”

“Another family example,” Stef said, his preface to telling me another story. “I am thinking of Matt and Wade, and how Matt reacted to Wade dating Sean.”

“They seemed good,” I said.

“It bothered Matt that Wade was in this separate relationship with Sean, and as he is a very sexual being, it really upset him that sex was part of that relationship,” Stef said.

“Which is a pretty hypocritical thing for him to do since he fucked most of Stanford,” I observed.

“Feelings are not always logical or fair,” Stef said firmly, to prevent me from getting all judgmental. I took the hint. “Wade realized that Matt would not be nearly as upset about him having sex with Sean if Matt saw them together, experienced them together, and was thus aware of the dynamic.”

At first I discounted what he was saying, because while Zach and I were definitely jealous people, I didn’t think we were as hung up on the sexual aspect of things as Matt was. Then I got that wasn’t the point. “If we do that, then all three of us have a relationship. It’s not three relationships: Zach and me, Zach and Travis, and me and Travis.”

“I think it is possible,” Stef said.

“Grand would be laughing right now,” I said, smiling at him.

“You do not think he would appreciate my wisdom?” Stef challenged, making me laugh.

“He appreciates your wisdom, but he would think it was typical that your solution to unravelling this whole thing was an orgy,” I said. Stef chuckled while Tom and I laughed. “I should let you get some sleep.”

I stood up to leave and gave them both big hugs. “We are meeting at 8am with Evelyn, then with Cam Squires at 10am,” Stef told me.

“Should be interesting,” I said. “I’ll see you at eight. Travis is coming over at four.”

“We will ensure our meetings are finished by then. Breakfast will be provided,” he promised.

I wandered back toward my room, thinking about our conversation, taking my time and enjoying the landscaping. When I got back to my room, I flipped on the lights and was totally surprised to see Zach sleeping peacefully in my bed.