Saying I love you

[FrenchCanadian]

I'll admit that I tend to say those three words (I love you) a little easily and often when I'm in a relationship. as opposed to my ex.

 

I wonder, is there a point where saying, I love you, too often makes it less meaning full? Also, do you need to hear it out loud or just the other's action is enough for you? Is it difficult for you to say it to the one you love?

[Tiger]

I believe the words are much more meaningful when they are said less often. Having said that, I actually have a hard time saying it at all. I may think it, but saying it seems to be difficult for me.

[Graeme]

I don't think the words have less meaning from being said often. I think it is more that they have less meaning from being said inappropriately.

 

When you are just starting out in a relationship, it is more likely to be infatuation than love, and saying "I love you" at that point weakens the meaning, as the other person will be wondering how easy it must be for you to fall in love (and maybe fall out of love). On the other hand, after being in a relationship for a few years, "I love you" really means what it says and it is a reinforcement of what you feel, and the other person will recognise that.

 

My opinion only, as someone who is slow to say "I love you" because I said it too early once It delayed a relationship because it made the other person to back off (they didn't see how I could "love" them since we'd only known each other for a short time).

Edited February 6, 2008 by Graeme

[moonwolf]

When it comes to those 3 words.. Personnaly I don't say it easily when I start i relationship but when I say I Love You it's because I will Love the person inside out, from his eyes looking at me and melting my heart to his uh uh and his capricious taste when it comes to food or the fact that he doesn't like things that I do like.

 

For me it's really a matter of liking a person for his qualities and loving them for their flaws . Now it doesn't come easily when i start a relationship but afterwards it is much easier to say it and if I don't say those 3 words everyday I might say them in a whole different way or show it in a different way...

 

I guess my point is it's not much about how many times you say it but do you mean it when you say those words... it isn't worth it to say it once or ten times and not mean a darn thing about it. Saying it 10 times or only once a day and meaning it with your heart and soul everytime is worth it.

 

As I often say, Quality over quantity of couse if you can get both at the same time it's all for the best

[scoopny]

I don't think the word gets less power the more often you say it, I actually think it's the reverse. With my ex, maybe we were a little uncertain when we said it the first time, but as the years went on, it was no doubt true, even if in the end, things didn't work out. It became easier to say. And felt better when I said it. And it's not like the feeling goes away. I mean I do still love him and I know he does me, even though he hurt me and even though I know we just can't be together anymore. That was honestly, the worst part of it all.

Edited February 6, 2008 by scoopny

[AFriendlyFace]

My first response to seeing this thread and it's subtitle - even before opening it - was "ohh yeah!"

 

I don't think the words have less meaning from being said often. I think it is more that they have less meaning from being said inappropriately.

 

When you are just starting out in a relationship, it is more likely to be infatuation than love, and saying "I love you" at that point weakens the meaning, as the other person will be wondering how easy it must be for you to fall in love (and maybe fall out of love). On the other hand, after being in a relationship for a few years, "I love you" really means what it says and it is a reinforcement of what you feel, and the other person will recognise that.

Graeme's post almost perfectly mirrors my thoughts on this.

 

When it comes to those 3 words.. Personnaly I don't say it easily when I start i relationship but when I say I Love You it's because I will Love the person inside out, from his eyes looking at me and melting my heart to his uh uh and his capricious taste when it comes to food or the fact that he doesn't like things that I do like.

 

For me it's really a matter of liking a person for his qualities and loving them for their flaws . Now it doesn't come easily when i start a relationship but afterwards it is much easier to say it and if I don't say those 3 words everyday I might say them in a whole different way or show it in a different way...

Sounds like you have someone specific in mind

 

I don't think the word gets less power the more often you say it, I actually think it's the reverse. With my ex, maybe we were a little uncertain when we said it the first time, but as the years went on, it was no doubt true, even if in the end, things didn't work out. It became easier to say. And felt better when I said it. And it's not like the feeling goes away. I mean I do still love him and I know he does me, even though he hurt me and even though I know we just can't be together anymore. That was honestly, the worst part of it all.

 

 

 

I'll say this, I think it's very important to both show it AND say it when you definitely feel it. Doing just one or the other is insufficient in my opinion.

 

 

Take care all

 

-Kevin

[Krista]

If there are authentic feelings behind what you're saying then the words never lose their potency. "I love you," should be large part of any relationship, but now people just say it too easily and when they don't mean it.

 

Anyway, you can say it a billion times if the feelings are there... hearing it a billion times won't matter either.. if the feelings are returned.

 

 

Krista

[FrenchCanadian]

from his eyes looking at me and melting my heart to his uh uh and his capricious taste when it comes to food or the fact that he doesn't like things that I do like.

uh uh, I'm not that bad with food It's not like my food taste is that capricious,, just special

 

Sounds like you have someone specific in mind

 

I'll say this, I think it's very important to both show it AND say it when you definitely feel it. Doing just one or the other is insufficient in my opinion.

 

-Kevin

only god knows who he directed his comments to..

 

but you got it right, I think that showing that you love someone is almost more important than saying those 3 infamous words.

 

But only showing your love ain't enough cause, like me, when the other is only showing, you will forget that he loves you. Also if he's only saying "I love you", you can wonder if you really mean something.

[Graeme]

I think that showing that you love someone is almost more important than saying those 3 infamous words.

 

But only showing your love ain't enough cause, like me, when the other is only showing, you will forget that he loves you. Also if he's only saying "I love you", you can wonder if you really mean something.

You've brought up an important point. It is too easy to fall into the habit of taking the other person for granted. Yes, you love them and they love you, but if you show them that the same way all the time it becomes a habit and routine -- and no longer shows that you love them. Showing someone you love them is a constantly evolving thing. You need to keep finding new ways (even if small ways, or minor variations on existing ways) to show your partner that you love them. I don't mean every day (I think that would strain the imagination too much), but don't settle for the same thing all the time.

 

For someone who doesn't say the words very often, just saying "I love you" shows how much you love them -- because they know you don't say it lightly.

 

For someone who says the words often, add something extra (a surprise gift, for example, or taking them out for dinner).

 

Hmm... I think I'll buy some flowers at lunchtime today. I haven't done that for a few months It'll be a nice surprise when my wife gets home.

[scoopny]

uh uh, I'm not that bad with food It's not like my food taste is that capricious,, just special

If special means only eats specific things and that's it? Then that's special, lol.

[AFriendlyFace]

Hmm... I think I'll buy some flowers at lunchtime today. I haven't done that for a few months It'll be a nice surprise when my wife gets home.

For the past two days there's been a poor young man selling fresh flowers by the side of the road at one of the major intersections I traverse every evening after work (this is not uncommon in Houston. There's also been a wheelchair confined person selling candy bars a few intersections up for the past few days). Anyway, I'd most definitely have bought one if I'd had someone waiting at home for me.

 

I even considered buying one and then presenting it back to the vendor. I think that would have been incredibly romantic, but I wasn't actually interested in the guy (only sympathetic), and I'm also pretty sure he's straight. So no flowers did I buy

Edited February 7, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Tiger]

When you are just starting out in a relationship, it is more likely to be infatuation than love, and saying "I love you" at that point weakens the meaning, as the other person will be wondering how easy it must be for you to fall in love (and maybe fall out of love). On the other hand, after being in a relationship for a few years, "I love you" really means what it says and it is a reinforcement of what you feel, and the other person will recognise that.

I happen to agree with that. Some do say it too early. The weakened meaning is not the only risk. I may also be interpreted as obsession. That is often a death knell for a relationship.

[Menzoberranzen]

I'm very careful about those three words. I throw them around with friends and even coworkers, but if I'm dating someone, I wouldn't say it until it really had passed the infatuation stage. In fact, there's only one guy I've ever said it too, and I probably shouldn't have.

 

Once you actually are in love with someone, I don't see a problem with saying it often - as long as it doesn't become a neediness trait.

 

Menzo

[rich_e]

I'm pretty much the same way as Menzo, except I've never said it to a guy before. I did say it to my first girlfriend, and I do love her, just not romantically.

 

I feel like it would be hard for me to say it at first because I don't want to be one of those people that just throws it out in EVERY relationship they're in. That's one of my biggest pet peeves. I just don't believe that's love. For me, it's something that's special and rare and incredibly meaningful, and until I'm sure that is what it is, it's not coming out of my mouth (at least to a significant other).

[Hylas]

I've never said it to anyone at all. Heh

[JSmith]

Saying I Love You too early can really screw up a relationship in the beginning. I'll admit to saying it back to my ex when I didn't really mean it because it was hard for me to say no. (It still is, but I'm getting better)

 

For me, there are two kinds of love. Loving someone and saying I Love You because I care about them deeply and would hate to see them hurt or lose them from my life, and then being IN love with a guy. I don't say the words I Love You to friends easily because it's hard for me to show that level of affection with some of them. When I do, however, I mean it and wouldn't say it otherwise.

 

On the other hand, I threw the word around in my last relationship without meaning it. In the other I Love You thread, Kevin was in the same situation I was and said it back when he didn't mean it and ended up hurting the other person badly. I did this and felt terrible for it, but I couldn't take it back once I said it. Right now I'm in that "infatuation" stage that everyone mentioned already. I know I'm not in love with him yet because it's way too early to think that, but there's a possibility that I could fall in love with him down the road.

 

We've been good with talking about things honestly and working it out, so eventually this topic will probably come up between us (or I could just send him here and tell him to read it ). I'm not really worried because I know he cares about me a lot and I don't expect him to love me yet. His actions and words tell me all I need to know now without having to hear those 3 words in a careless manner with no feelings behind it

[FrenchCanadian]

Saying I Love You too early can really screw up a relationship in the beginning. I'll admit to saying it back to my ex when I didn't really mean it because it was hard for me to say no. (It still is, but I'm getting better)

 

For me, there are two kinds of love. Loving someone and saying I Love You because I care about them deeply and would hate to see them hurt or lose them from my life, and then being IN love with a guy. I don't say the words I Love You to friends easily because it's hard for me to show that level of affection with some of them. When I do, however, I mean it and wouldn't say it otherwise.

 

On the other hand, I threw the word around in my last relationship without meaning it. In the other I Love You thread, Kevin was in the same situation I was and said it back when he didn't mean it and ended up hurting the other person badly. I did this and felt terrible for it, but I couldn't take it back once I said it. Right now I'm in that "infatuation" stage that everyone mentioned already. I know I'm not in love with him yet because it's way too early to think that, but there's a possibility that I could fall in love with him down the road.

I gotta agree, saying it when you don't believe it,, if you say it and it's not that unconvincing, you gonna hurt the other in a bad way, that's sure.

 

There's also the "I love you" that you can say to friend.

[Rndmrunner]

As noted in some of the other responses, "I love you" has subtly different meanings depending on where you are in the relationship. Early in the relationship, it is a milestone where one or both of you acknowledge that it has deepened and are confident enough to declare your feelings. In an ongoing relationship (well into the second decade here) it has no less meaning but is comfortable and familiar. It means I still love you even when you piss me off. But it differs for everyone, I have friends who have been together forever and never or very rarely say it. I say it to my partner regularly (often when signing off on the phone) and the same with my brothers. Though casually said, it is no less sincere.

[Y_B]

I said it once to my ex and every time I think about it now I cringe cuz if you knew the kind of circumstances it was under and the full context, it's vomit inducing.

 

If you say "I love you" to someone all the time, the words may or may not become less meaningful as you get use to it, but if you still love the person, then the feeling itself won't diminish, at least it shouldn't. So you can say you love them or you hate them all you want but at the end of the day it's still what you do for someone that matters, not what you say to 'em.

[K.C.]

I tell the people I love, that I love them everyday. My Grandparents had a fight the night before my Grandfather was killed. Grandmother was so upset that he tried to make up in the morning but she didn't tell him that she loved him back whe he told her "I love you". She has always reminded us to never miss an opportunity to tell them that you love them!

 

I also like the responses about telling someone you love them too soon. When my now husband and I were getting close, he said it first and I panicked...it took a few weeks but he forgave me.

[comicfan]

To those people who are close to me I don't miss the chance to say I love you. When starting a relationship I am definitely slow to say "I love you." I have been hurt a few times, have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, and just try to be careful not spook someone. However, once the initial interest has passed and it has moved into a true feeling relationship, I have little reluctance not to say it or show it. I'm the kind of guy to show up with flowers for no reason, make a romantic dinner with candle light and all, and even just curl up on the couch watching movies can be romantic.The words and the actions sort of go together.

[Cyhort]

I'm kinda weird with this. For a while I really confused "love" with "really like". I used to fall in "like" really easily and back then I was convinced it was love, so I said it, usually pretty early and sometimes to people I only knew online. Eventually I got older (talking, like, 14 here, soooo mature I know, lol) and figured out a little bit of the difference between "love" and "infatuation" and was a little more hesitant to say it. But looking back, I think I was more in love with the idea of having someone than I ever was with the person. It was always heart stopping and huge and I wanted to spend every second with them, but when it was over I missed having someone more than I missed any particular person. And in a lot of cases the relationships themselves were more painful than the breakups. After a while of not dating I met my boyfriend and it was the first time I didn't feel that huge, powerful feeling. It was more subtle. We still said it quickly and looking back I can't honestly tell you what I was feeling when I said it, if it was a dimmer version of the love we have now or just more infatuation, but it was the first time I ever said it where I wasn't really psyched about the idea of just being with someone. Actually I was reluctant as hell, be practically had to talk me into being in a relationship, lol. But after four and a half years whatever I was feeling back in the beginning has definitely grown into love. And we say it all the time. Maybe too much, because it kinda does lose it's impact after a while, but the feeling behind the words never changes, and that's what's important. And I'd never have found that if I didn't say it back way back then, so I can't regret it. But, if we ever broke up and I ever got into another relationship, I think I'd hold the words back for a while. Even if I felt it, I wouldn't wanna say it until I was sure as I could be that it was gonna last.

[colinian]

Doug and I say "I love you" to each other at night when we go to bed, when we get up in the morning, when one of us leaves to go to work or school, and when one of us is looking at the other and is so amazed that we are, in fact, together and in love with each other. In our case saying "I love you" often results in a hug and a kiss, and sometimes more.

 

They may only be three little words, eight letters, but when said with real love for the other person they are so important and so meaningful!

 

Colin

[Mikelaing74]

Saying I love you for the first time with my current snuggle bunny took me months. Both of us still don't say it that often, it's preferable for us to show each other through our actions, rather than words. But I still get butterflies in my stomach when we're snuggled on the sofa and he just says it spontaneously.

[Arpeggio]

I say it when I mean it.