The Cockney Canuck - 2. Chapter 2 Meeting the Family

I saw them standing on the other side of the barrier in the arrivals hall, and they waved over to me as I struggled to pull my overweight and unruly suitcase in a direction that it didn’t want to go.

‘You and me both’.

There were four of them waiting to meet me. My uncle Don, my aunt Sue and two of their three children who I presumed were Daniel and Amy, the youngest. I hadn’t expected a welcoming party; I was hoping for just Don and Sue, or better still just my uncle.

‘Why did they need to bring their bloody kids’?

I wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with children or anyone else for that matter and my false smile will have done little to disguise my unease.

It was Don who stepped forward; I recognized his cheesy grin and narrow eyes as he held out a firm hand for me to shake. “Good to see you again Robbie. You look well. You put a bit of weight on since we last saw you?”

“Not really.” I had no idea what he was talking about, I was as skinny as a rake and he must have known it. The other face that I knew belonged to Sue, and I turned to greet her in the same way, my hand outstretched. She ignored it, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in close for a hug.

“Hiya honey, I’m so pleased that you finally made it. I know that you’re going to love it here.” It wasn’t what I was expecting and I was having trouble breathing as she squeezed me tight. I wasn’t comfortable with being hugged or kissed, particularly by people who I didn’t know that well. She was acting as if I was her long lost son, and it seemed too contrived. I remembered her doing the same thing when I met her in London after my mother died. I should have known what to expect.

After prising myself from her grasp and turned my attention to the kids who had been giggling at my discomfort. Daniel was only a year younger than me but quite a bit shorter. He had a cute face and seemed as nervous as I was, which for some reason surprised me. He reached out his hand and I shook it.

“Hi, I’m Daniel.”

“I know,” I replied, amused by his very formal introduction. It was the complete opposite to his mother, but I preferred it. He was wearing a blue Toronto Maple Leafs cap, which looked too big for his head. I knew they were the local ice hockey team, but it was a sport I knew little about and had no desire to learn.

He smiled back at me. “I can take this for you." He foolishly grabbed the handle of my suitcase as I turned to his sister. She had been shifting her weight from one foot to the other, eager to get my attention, but had waited patiently for her turn.

“And you must be…?”

“Amy,” she said before I could finish. She had a cheeky grin and there was plenty of mischief in those eyes.

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Amy,” I said in my finest English accent. This seemed to amuse the others and help break the ice. I wasn’t sure how to greet her so I just nodded my head but she had other ideas throwing her arms around my waist for a quick hug. Again, it wasn’t what I expected, but not nearly as overpowering as Sue.

Amy was eight years old and less than shoulder height to me. Like her brother, she had the most gorgeous icy blue eyes, button nose, and dimpled cheeks. Her light blond hair was the same color as her mom’s and tied into two ponytails. She could have come straight off the set of St. Trinians. ¹

“Where are all your other bags?” She asked, looking confused.

“I haven’t got any more bags,” I said. “They only allow you one suitcase, but I don’t have much stuff anyway.”

“Oh,” she said almost sorry for me. “But you can buy lots of stuff here, can’t he mom? We can take him to the mall to buy some clothes.”

“I think we should get him home first dear,” Said Sue. “He’ll probably need to rest for a while, won’t you honey. You look tired.”

“I’m knackered,” I replied and Don laughed. As he was the only Englishman, I guessed that it wasn’t a word that was used much in Canada. “Exhausted,” I said. This is something that would happen a lot to me, but mostly it would be words or phrases that I used that they didn’t understand. Strangely, there was hardly any slang that they used that I hadn't heard before. I put this down partly to the influence of US film and television, which had brought American Street culture into every household in the UK and Canada.

“I have no idea how to get back to the bloody car park,” said Don. His English accent had been eroded into a kind of Anglo-Canadian dialect, which sounded wrong to me, and made him a foreigner in both countries. I liked my accent the way it was and promised myself I would never surrender it, no matter how long I was going to have to live there.

Fortunately, Daniel seemed to know where he was going, because the adults were completely lost in the mayhem of Pearson Airport. He led the way through the crowded terminal building, dragging my unwieldy suitcase behind him—which now had only one wheel attached—while we followed dutifully behind him.

“Did you bring a winter coat, honey?” asked Sue. I showed her the hooded jacket that I was carrying, but she wasn’t impressed. “We’ll need to get you something a little warmer.”

“It’ll be okay for now, you won’t need to go outside much,” said Don. “We’ll get you properly kitted out on Saturday.”

Sue was already starting to fuss over me, just as she had done in England. ‘Was I hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, cold? Did I have any allergies, phobias, nightmares, do I sleepwalk? Did I remember to bring my toothbrush’?

I don’t think that Sue knew how to do small talk. A simple ‘how was your flight dear’, would have been fine.

Don had to stop her. “I’m sure that Robbie will let us know if he needs anything dear, let’s get him home first?”

It was a good idea; I was dead on my feet. “My mom’s a nurse,” said Daniel, “you’ll need to have a blood test when we get home.”

“You're kidding right?” I said, and he started to laugh.

‘I wouldn’t be surprised though’.

“I hope you have a big car,” I said, as we waited for the elevator.

‘That was a stupid thing to say. This is North America; they all have big cars’!

“We’ll fit you all in,” said Don, smiling. I couldn’t remember him smiling that much in England, but then again neither was I.

“How long will it take to drive to your house?” I asked.

Don laughed. “It’s not that far,” he said. “About a hundred-and-twenty kilometers or seventy-five miles in old currency. We live in a small town, not quite as big as London, it only has….”

“I know,” I said, cutting him off. I had already Googled it at Tom’s house. “But how long will it take?” I wasn’t looking forward to a long car journey and I didn’t care very much for his jokes either.

“About two hours if we can find our way out of the airport.”

“We’ll be there before you know it,” said Sue. “I’m sure you’re anxious to see your new home.”

I was, but I wasn’t ready to start referring to it as my home, and I doubted if I ever would. Admittedly, I was tired, but I found it difficult to share Don’s enthusiasm, and his chirpy small talk was beginning to irritate me.

“Are you going to be living with us forever?” said Amy. She had managed to escape Sue to stand next to me.

It was an awkward question and one that I wasn’t comfortable answering. “I don’t know; I don’t think forever.” I looked at Don for help.

“My mom says you’re going to be my brother like Daniel.”

“Well I’m your cousin really. But you can think of me as a brother if you want, it doesn’t matter.” I managed to smile at her, which was more than I could bring myself to do with the others.

“Well actually once the adoption goes through, Robbie will be your brother,” said Don. “He still has to give his consent, though, and I’m hoping that he hasn’t changed his mind.”

I could see Don looking over at me for confirmation as we walked into the big elevator. I was trying not to meet his eyes and there was an uncomfortable silence, as everyone it seemed waited for my response. Even the other people in the elevator who didn’t know.

“No, I, of course not.” It was enough to keep Don happy, and everyone else seemed relieved too. He smiled at me and I diverted my eyes back to Amy who seemed to have another question lined up.

“My mom has some pictures of you when you when you were little. With my brother in the bath,” she giggled, as did a few of the other people in the elevator.

I looked at Daniel. “It seems like we already know each other quite well,” I said, and he smiled shyly at me before turning away. As hard as I tried, though, I couldn’t remember ever being in a bath with him. I was sure that I would be shown the evidence at some stage.

“You were only three-years-old at the time dear,” said Sue. “We have got other pictures of you with clothes on.”

“That’s a relief,” I said, and it brought a few laughs from the people in the elevator.

‘Why am I the entertainment around here’?

I wanted to show more gratitude for what they were doing, but everything was happening too fast, and I was feeling drained. I needed to slow things down a little.

“Well I want you to be my brother,” said Amy boldly. “So I can have an English brother. How old are you?”

“Never mind her,” said Sue. “She can be a little overpowering. She’s been so looking forward to meeting you. She won’t leave you alone now.”

“Just tell her to shut up if she annoys you,” said Daniel, which brought him a reprimand from Don.

Amy pulled a face at her brother and mouthed something to him. I had to smile at her goofy expression, and I got the feeling that although she was five years younger, she probably had the beating of her brother. I didn’t mind having Amy snapping at my heels. Interacting with someone her age was a new experience for me, which I enjoyed. So far, she had been the only one who had managed to extract a genuine smile from me.

As we walked out into the car park, I was treated to a sneak preview of a Canadian winter. We were hit by a blast of cold air and I learned very quickly what minus ten felt like.

Their car was a Chevrolet Orlando, which was apparently an SUV, although Daniel had to tell me this. All I knew, was that it was big, dark blue and looked very comfortable, which was a relief. I sat in the middle, with Daniel on my right, and Amy on my left from where she would continue her interrogation.

She wanted to know what music I listened to, what movies I had seen, and what my favorite TV shows were. Not many of my answers matched hers and she scowled at me when I told her that I wasn’t a fan of Justin Bieber.

‘Obviously, she is, but isn’t he from around here somewhere’?

Once Don had found his way out of the airport maze, we turned onto the biggest and busiest highway I had ever seen. “The four-oh-one,” he said, “it’s always busy, especially this time of day.” He wasn’t wrong; I counted eight lanes of traffic crawling in each direction. I had never seen so many vehicles on one road before. Hundreds of headlights and taillights, sixteen abreast stretching as far as I could see. Toronto was much bigger than I thought it would be, and a lot busier. Canada wasn’t supposed to be like that, it was supposed to be log houses and bears, not high-rise apartments and super-highways.

“Does everyone in Canada live around here?” I asked.

“It does seem like it sometimes,” said Don, “Toronto’s a big city. This is where I work; some of the time anyway.”

“Dad’s office is downtown,” said Daniel, “which is over that way.” He pointed toward a bunch of skyscrapers in the distance and next to the distinctive tower that I had seen many times in pictures of Toronto. “That’s the CN Tower, it’s really cool.”

“I’ll take you there one day,” said Don.

“Can I come?” said Amy.

“I’ve been there about a dozen times,” said Daniel.

“So have I,” said Amy, a little louder.

“No you haven’t,” said Daniel.

“I have been there.”

“Not a dozen times though, do you even know what a dozen is?”

“Daniel, leave her alone,” said Sue.

I shut my eyes, but it was my ears that needed a rest. It was my first taste of family life and it wasn’t very pleasant. I tried to block out the sound of their voices talking over each other, until Sue brought them under control.

“It’s not always like this Robbie,” she said, “they’re excited to see you, hun. I think we all are.” She told Daniel and Amy to calm down, but it was her voice that was doing the most damage.

We were gradually picking up speed, but the heavy rush hour traffic had made a mockery of Don’s estimated journey time and it would add at least an hour to our drive. I was making the most of a few welcome minutes of silence, but Amy was finding it difficult to keep quiet and predictably, she was the first to crack.

“I like your accent,” she said. “It’s kind of funny, though.”

“It is?”

“Don’t listen to her,” added Daniel. “They’ll love your accent; the girls will think it’s really cute.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to sound as if I wasn’t interested, but that was the truth. “That’s what the flight attendant told me as well.”

“Did you have a girlfriend in England?” asked Amy, as she looked at me with arms folded and a cheeky smile.

“No,” I replied uncomfortable about where this was going.

“Not ever?”

“No." I hoped she would move on but she just stared at me curiously.

“Are you gay?”

I could have died on the spot. I was totally unprepared and froze.

‘She only just met me; why did she say that’?

“Amy!” snapped Sue.

“What?”

“No, of course not,” I protested, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Why would you think that?” I really needed to know this, but she didn’t answer.

Instead, it was Daniel who came to my rescue. “Just because he doesn’t have a girlfriend, doesn’t mean that he’s gay, Amy.” Then he turned to me. “Just ignore her; she asks everyone that, but she doesn’t even know what it means.”

“Yes I do,” she said, poking her tongue at her brother while he laughed.

I laughed too but mostly out of relief as I tried not to seem bothered.

‘Smart kid, she met me less than half-an-hour ago and already she’s got me all figured out’!

If only she knew how close she had come to exposing me within minutes of my arrival. I didn’t have long to dwell on it before the interrogation continued with a different subject. She was proving to be quite a character but despite the questions, I found her amusing. She had a childish exuberance about her that allowed her to get away with almost anything. Daniel may have looked a little worn by her non-stop banter, but it was all new to me, and I found her laugh to be contagious. She was going to be a bit of a challenge for sure, but I sensed not in a threatening way.

The traffic was starting to thin out and Don was able to drive at something approaching normal speed for a highway as we hit the suburbs. Apparently, it had been snowing for most of the day and as we left the city, it started again. It added to the blanket of white, which already seemed to cover everything except the highway.

“We haven’t had that much snow this winter,” said Sue.

‘You could have fooled me’.

“How long will it last?” I asked.

“Until about March,” Don replied.

“That’s a long time.”

“You don’t get much snow in London, I guess,” said Daniel.

“No, hardly any.”

“It snows here for about four months a year,” he said. “But you’ll get used to it.”

I smiled, but I didn’t plan on being there long enough to get used to it.

“Have you ever met the Queen?” asked Amy.

“Of course, a few times,” I replied, sensing an opportunity for revenge. Amy’s expression was one of a surprise but quickly turned to suspicion as her eyes narrowed, unsure if she should believe me or not. She tilted her head to one side and stared into my eyes, waiting for me to continue. Her face had me in a fit of giggles.

“What?” I protested, staring back at her with a smile. She really was funny and I had to turn my head to stop myself from laughing. “She often invites me over to the palace, you know for tea and stuff.”

Amy’s response was to roll her eyes at me and turn her head away, as everyone else had a little chuckle. I could see a tiny smile appear on her lips as she watched me out of the corner of her eyes. Then after a while, she joined in and laughed at herself. It was a silly joke, but our little interaction was priceless. I could tell that Amy and I were going to get along. Something there just seemed to click between us. It was a good start; at least I knew that I would have someone on my side, even if she did think that I was gay.

I wasn’t prepared for all the attention that I was receiving, or how nice everyone was treating me. Although, I got the feeling that Don and Sue had issued instructions on what they shouldn’t talk to me about because they were staying well clear of any family questions.

Meeting and getting to know the children was the bit that I had been dreading the most. I had no idea what to expect, or how they felt about me moving into their home and the possibility of their parents adopting me. It would undoubtedly impact their lives, and I wasn’t sure how they would react. I was expecting my sudden arrival to cause problems and arguments, and lead to resentment, but it seemed to be going a lot better than I had anticipated.

* * * * *

Outside it was minus something ridiculous, but in the car it was as warm as toast and suddenly very quiet again. I must have nodded off and when I looked to my side, Amy was also asleep, with her head against my arm. My mouth was dry and my senses overloaded with new and strange smells as I sat quietly contemplating my fate until Sue noticed that I was awake.

“It’s been a long day for you hasn’t it honey?”

“Yes, and I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Too excited to sleep or just nervous?” asked Don.

“A bit of both,” I replied, “but yeah I guess I was quite excited.” It was the truth, although Tom had been mostly responsible. It made me smile as I thought about what we were doing all night.

With Amy in the land of nod, I turned to talk to Daniel, the cute boy with whom I had once shared a bath. He was much quieter than his sister and a little reserved as he spoke to me about Cobourg. It was dark in the car, but those blue eyes were still visible and now that he had taken his cap off, I was able to get a better look at him. He had dark brown hair, which sat on his head like a mop reaching halfway down his neck, with a slight parting in the middle. He also had big full red lips and a set of braces covering his teeth that shone in the dark. That was one thing at least that I had been spared in my young life. Like my mom, I had good teeth.

Daniel was definitely a good-looking boy, though, and he seemed to have a nice personality too. He looked and sounded like the typical North American kid that I had seen so many times in TV shows. He was different from how I had imagined he would be, which was a good thing. Especially after Don explained the sleeping arrangements.

“Our house is a bit bigger than Tom’s,” said Don. “And you won’t have to sleep on an airbed, but you will have to share a room with Daniel. I hope you don’t mind?”

“I’m okay with that as long as Daniel doesn't mind." I wondered how much choice he had in the matter. I suspected not a lot, but he didn’t seem overly concerned about sharing with someone he had only known for a couple of hours. I would have been horrified if my mom had told me that I had to share with a long lost cousin.

I suppose this was the bi-product of being an only child. Daniel being part of a family would be more used to sharing.

I was hoping to get my own room, but it wasn't a surprise. We were almost the same age, and the two girls were ten years apart. Sue added a twist when she said we would be sleeping in the basement. I imagined a dungeon with rats and chains.

“You’ll like it down there hun. You guys will almost have your own apartment.” I wasn’t convinced.

Other than the few weeks I had spent at Tom’s house sharing his small room, I had previously always had my own space, and was used to my privacy. It was easy to share with Tom because we were so close, and I needed him there at the time. Sharing with Daniel was going to be a lot more difficult even though we were related and I think he sensed some apprehension.

“It’s really cool. It’s the biggest bedroom in the house, so you’ll have plenty of space for all your stuff."

“I left most of my things with Tom if I ask him he’ll send them over, but I don’t think I’m going to need much.”

“Who is Tom?” asked Amy, who I thought was asleep.

“He was my best friend,” I said. “I’ve been staying at his place since my mom….” I didn’t finish my sentence after sensing the mood change in the car. I was used to talking about my mom and I was happy to do this whenever someone would listen. Daniel and Amy however, didn’t seem comfortable with the subject. I suppose they weren’t sure how I would react either.

Amy brought the silence to an end. “That’s not fair. You had to leave your best friend.”

“Tell me about it,” I said loud enough for the adults to hear. I saw Don flick his eyes towards me in the rear view mirror.

Daniel told me that he had a computer and that I could use the internet whenever I wanted to keep in touch with friends in England. I appreciated his offer but he probably wouldn’t have said that if he knew I planned to talk to Tom every day. I had already decided to buy my own computer at the first opportunity.

Not having my own room would also be a problem, but I was impressed by the way that Daniel was prepared to share his space and even his possessions with someone he hardly knew.

‘I wonder if he’ll feel the same way after a few months’?

I hoped we would be able to get along or this arrangement would become a nightmare. He would have to realise that I needed my own space. I was an only child and used to my own company. Now Tom was no longer around I would probably go back to the way I was when I was at home. If Daniel was the type of kid who wanted me to hang out with him all the time, he was going to be disappointed.

The sixteen lane monster, which Don had referred to as the ‘four-oh-one’, had gradually dwindled into a very subdued six-lane highway, and was about to be reduced to four as we turned off into the town of Cobourg. The sign said eighteen-thousand, but judging by the empty streets, that seemed generous.

I strained my eyes for a glimpse of the town where I would be imprisoned for the next three years but I saw very little of Cobourg before the car pulled onto a large snow covered driveway and stopped in front of what was to be my new home. I shifted across towards Daniel, expecting him to open the door, but he didn’t move. Then the garage door rolled up, and the lights went on inside. When we left the car, the door had closed behind us, and we were practically inside the house.

“That’s quite nifty. Doesn't anybody go outside over here?” If you didn’t count the car park, then I had managed to get from the inside of the airplane to the inside of their house, without actually stepping outside. It made me wonder why Daniel and Amy had bothered to wear boots.

“People don’t go outside in the winter unless they have to,” said Don. “You’ll soon understand why.” It was cold enough in the garage for me to get his drift and I don’t know why but I expected the rest of the house to be the same temperature. I followed Amy up a couple of steps and through a door into the house, which was bright, clean and very warm. The rooms were spacious and modern, with tiled and hardwood floors, big windows and high ceilings. Daniel showed me the closet where I could put my coat and after watching everyone take off their boots and shoes, I followed suit.

“We don’t wear shoes indoors,” said Don, “so remember to take them off when you come in.” I noticed that Daniel and Amy had taken this rule one-step further by going barefoot and I soon understood why. “Underfloor heating” explained Don, “no radiators.”

Sue was already in the kitchen and went straight for the kettle. “Tea or coffee?” Some things are just universal. I was going to need caffeine if I was going to be able to stay awake for much longer.

The kitchen was open planned with a breakfast bar to one side and like the other rooms was spotlessly clean. I followed Amy into the dining area, which overlooked the back garden. There was a balcony running all the way along the back with steps that led to a deck. The house was set on a hill with the ground floor leading out onto the street at the front, and the basement opening out into the garden at the back.

“We have a swimming pool,” said Amy, “under the snow.”

“You have your own pool?” I asked excitedly. “Really? You didn’t tell me.”

“Yes,” said Sue smiling. “I thought that it would be a nice surprise when you got here. But you won't be able to use it until about May, so don’t hold your breath.” That was over four months away and it brought it home to me that this house was going to be where I lived from now on. I wondered what my life would be like in four months from now.

“I’ve only seen houses like this in movies,” I said. To me, it looked like the kind of place that I would expect to find in Hollywood. I thought it would be cool if I could visit there one day while I was over here and I asked Don how far it was.

“It’s about the same distance as London, but in the other direction,” he said, shooting my idea down in flames. I had forgotten how big the North American continent was, but I still wanted to visit the USA.

“How big is the garden?” I asked. I couldn’t see anything past the first few feet. “Don’t you have any neighbors?”

“It’s sixty meters,” said Daniel. “There are properties back there, but you can’t see anything because there’s a hill in the way.”

‘Sixty meters of garden, that’s about two hundred feet. Tom’s garden was thirty-by-sixteen feet or something stupid’.

Don walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. “One thing that they have over here Robbie is plenty of space. It’ll take you a while to get used to it.”

It was going to take me a while to get used to Amy as well as she tugged at my sleeve to get me to follow her. “Do you want to see my room?”

“Wait, Amy,” said Daniel, “he hasn’t even seen his own room yet.”

“Here’s your coffee honey,” said Sue. “Sit down at the table and I’ll get you something to eat. Amy dear go upstairs and get Nicola. Tell her that Robbie’s here.”

It felt like everybody wanted a piece of me, and I wasn’t sure what to do, or who to answer first. I wasn’t used to getting this much attention.

“Why don’t we show Robbie his room first and when he’s settled in he can have a tour of the rest of the house,” said Don. That was fine by me as I swallowed a mouthful of coffee, and followed him into the next room with Daniel behind me. “Daniel, grab Robbie’s suitcase for him and take it downstairs.”

“It's kinda heavy,” said Daniel.

"So are those weights you lift everyday."

Daniel mumbled and grunted as he struggled to lift it but I was too tired to help.

“Geez Robbie, what have you got in here, the crown jewels?”

I followed Don down a couple of stairs into what was obviously the living room. This had to be the biggest room in the house but it didn’t look very lived in. There were two white sofas facing each other in the middle of the room, either side of a big flat screen TV fixed to the far wall. Above, was a huge empty space where I was sure the upstairs should have been. The ceiling was the roof of the house and sloped upwards towards the central staircase, where a wooden balcony overlooked the centre of the room.

“That’s upstairs, it's just the girls bedroms,” said Daniel and then he dropped the suitcase. “Shit, sorry!”

“That’s okay. There's nothing breakable in there. I like it; you can see upstairs from the living room.”

“You can see my room just there,” said Amy, as she ran over to us and grabbed my sleeve pointing to the balcony.

“AMY LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Shouted Daniel. She recoiled and pulled a sad face.

“It’s okay,” I said, “she’s cool honestly, just a little excited.” I was rewarded with a gorgeous smile before she turned to Daniel and poked her tongue out at him. Then we followed him downstairs as he struggled balancing my suitcase.

“My brother’s not very strong is he?” said Amy, pushing her luck. He told her to shut up as she giggled and then reached over to hold my hand. I got the feeling that I was her new best friend, and she was clearly thrilled when I didn’t try to pull my hand away.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised to see another living room directly below the one upstairs. “This is where we watch TV,” said Amy. It had a television on the wall the size of a football field, with a big sofa and some armchairs across the middle of the room. This room looked more lived in than the one upstairs and not as bright. There was weights and exercise equipment at one end, and sliding glass doors that led out to the garden at the other. Between the stairs and the garden was another door, situated directly opposite the TV.

“And this is our room,” said Daniel, as he carried my suitcase to its final destination. “And that has to be the heaviest suitcase in the world.”

“Why didn't you say? I would have given you a hand." He returned my smile and nodded his head before leading the way into my new room. Don was already there waiting for us with a big grin on his face, as he watched to see my reaction, and finally, I allowed myself a smile. It was the least that I could do.

Daniel was right; the room was big; a lot bigger than most bedrooms, and certainly big enough for two boys to share. He sat down and bounced exuberantly on the first bed, which was set in the middle of two windows, which looked out onto the garden.

“This is your bed,” he said, “it’s very comfortable and it’s hardly been used. Dad went out and bought you some cupboards, a wardrobe, and a desk, so these are yours too.”

“This is really cool." I looked around before letting go of Amy’s hand and sitting next to Daniel on my new bed. There were too many drawers for what I needed and a wardrobe too. At Tom’s house, I had to share his drawers and hang my clothes on the back of his door, because there was nowhere else to put them. “Tom’s room was about a quarter of this size.”

“Really, you must have been living on top of each other,” said Daniel and it made me smile.

“You can say that again.”

“And that’s where I sleep,” he said pointing to the only other bed in the room. It was only half made and there were clothes over it and a towel hanging off onto the floor. That end of the room was a mess, which worried me. I had always been very tidy, something my mom had insisted on, and I hated a messy room. I was probably jumping the gun a bit, but I hoped that I wouldn’t have to share a room with a slob.

“We’ll get you set up with your own computer in a couple of weeks,” said Don. “You boys have your own bathroom and shower down here, which is the other side of the stairs, and there’s a refrigerator in the laundry room next to it. Daniel’s been trying to set up a mini gym at the end there if you fancy working out at all.”

I could tell that Don was very proud of his house and was doing his best to make me feel at home. There was nothing that I could think of that it lacked.

“Well, what do you think of your new home hun?” said Sue poking her head around the door.

“It’s big,” I said, “and really warm.” I felt hot and overdressed wearing the clothes that I had been traveling in.

“The whole house should be more or less the same temperature no matter how cold it gets outside,” said Don.

‘I wonder how cold it is out there’.

“You have a friend for life there Robbie,” said Sue, glancing at Amy who had squeezed in between Daniel and me on the bed.

I was lost for words. I really hadn't anticipated this type of reception. Everyone was being so nice to me and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t even know me. I was starting to feel bad for being so moody and offish to them when they had obviously put themselves out to make it so nice for me. Daniel sounded as if he had been looking forward to me coming over, certainly, Amy had.

I was feeling drained and it must have shown as Don stood up, walked over, and put his hand on my shoulder.

“This is your home now Robbie. It may feel a little strange at first, but you’ll soon get used to it and used to us. Let us know if you need anything, but I’m sure that Daniel will help you settle in.”

“Thanks, Don, Sue, Daniel, and Amy,” I said, struggling to find the right words. “For letting me stay here.” It sounded like such a naff thing to say, but I was tired and it was all a bit overwhelming.

“Robbie honey, you're not a guest here, this is your new home,” said Sue. “And it’ll be your home for as long as you want. You live here now like the rest of us.” She ruffled my hair a bit and I nodded to acknowledge her even though I doubted if it would be that easy. I knew what they meant, but it seemed like such a long time since I had felt at home anywhere.

“We’ll leave you boys alone now,” said Don, “You’ll probably want to get changed. Don’t forget there’s food upstairs when you're hungry.” He followed Sue who was dragging a reluctant Amy with her up to the kitchen.

“But I wanna stay with Robbie Mommy,” she protested, and I told her that I would come upstairs shortly so that she could show me her room. Meanwhile, my head was spinning and I laid down on the bed with the intention of simply trying it out for comfort.

“I’ll show you around the rest of the house when you're ready?” said a still excited Daniel. I guess it’s not every day you get a new brother.

I wanted to follow him but it was proving difficult to lift my head off the pillow. “I just need to rest my eyes for a while.” It was more comfortable than my old bed at the apartment in London, and a lot more comfortable than Tom’s miniature bed. Everything was happening so fast.

‘Was it really only this morning that I said goodbye to him’?

* * * * *

“Is he asleep?”

I heard a different voice and opened my eyes to see someone leaning over me smiling. It was a girl.

“Hello.” I yawned. “Nicola?”

“Yes,” she replied. She was wearing a white fluffy dressing gown, which barely covered her girl bumps. It looked like she had just got out of the shower and a couple of droplets of water fell from her wet hair onto my nose, which made her laugh. Her close proximity and state of undress made me nervous. I wasn’t used to seeing girls around the house, especially half-undressed. I wondered if she usually walked around the house like that or if she had been so anxious to meet me she didn’t have enough time to dress.

“You don’t remember me do you?” she said.

“No,” I said, “but I recognize you from photographs back home.” In fact, she had changed a lot. Those pictures were taken when she was a child. Now I was definitely looking at a woman and I tried to avert my eyes from her bare legs. She had long wavy light auburn hair, which went below her shoulders and matched her dark brown eyes and slightly tanned skin.

“I remember you,” she said smirking. “You were really weird.”

“I was only four.”

“I know.” She smiled and sat down on the end of the bed. I looked away, frightened in case I saw something I didn’t want to see. “I’m only kidding. I don’t remember much about you, but I remember you leaving and going to the airport to see you off. I cried for about a day afterwards."

I didn't know what to say. “I’m sorry."

She gave me a serious look. “I wasn’t crying over you, stupid. I was crying over your mom leaving. We were really close and she was nice to me. I’m sorry about what happened. It must be hard for you.”

“Yes,” I said, “she was my mom.” I still found it difficult to talk about her without getting emotional, and it had already been a very tiring day. I looked towards the window to gather my thoughts and to keep her legs out of view. In the reflection of the glass, I was able to see Daniel mouthing something to his sister as if he was telling her off for something. It didn’t take much working out.

“Well, err, welcome back. Cousin, brother, whatever you are." She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll leave you two guys alone to get to know each other and talk about sport, beer, and girls.” I was puzzled.

“That’s all guys in Canada wanna talk about. All they want to do is get drunk, laid, and watch hockey.”

“Sounds good to me,” said Daniel.

“See what I mean. You’ll find that out soon enough,” she laughed, as she walked away.

“That’s a sweeping statement if ever I’ve heard one,” I said. If this was true, then I was going to have a lot of trouble fitting in. Because I didn’t really care for any of those things, except for perhaps the beer.

I wasn’t sure how to take Nicola. She had been quite different from her siblings. Not rude, but she had an assertive manner and seemed a little too confident. She hardly remembered me, but obviously, it didn’t bother her to walk into her brother’s room, wearing only a skimpy dressing gown. I thought it was cool the way she remembered my mom, though, and what she said was nice. Contrary to what Daniel and Amy had been like, I actually wanted to talk about my mom with them. Even about her dying, because I felt that I needed to keep her memory fresh in my head. It wasn’t as if I was going to suddenly forget about her or anything, but I was feeling a little guilty about the adoption thing. I would be replacing her with Sue, and felt bad about it, even though it was her idea. It was just something else that was starting to play on my mind. Another thing to worry about.

That first evening in their home was not as stressful as I had imagined it would be. I had met the children who were to become my family and it had been painless. In fact, we actually seemed to get along, which was good.

By ten o’clock, though, I was tucked up in my new bed, mentally and physically exhausted. It was three in the morning in London, and I had had hardly any sleep in almost two days. Tom had kept me awake almost all the previous night, talking, laughing, and other stuff, but mostly other stuff. We made the most of our last night together, then afterwards, he had the cheek to insist that he wasn’t gay.

I had been kept awake since by the excitement of traveling and the adrenalin. I didn’t regret it; I had the rest of my life now to catch up with my sleep and the rest of my life without Tom.

‘How am I going to live without him?’

* * * * *

I sat upright, looking around the unfamiliar room before I was able to remember where I was. It was dark still, but I wasn’t tired anymore. I could remember waking up a few times in the night, unsure of where I was, but each time I had managed to go straight back to sleep. It was four o’clock, which meant it was nine in the morning in the UK.

‘Tom will just be starting school. I hope he’s alright’.

Daniel was in the bed on the other side of the room; I could hear him, not quite snoring, but breathing heavily in his sleep. It was a pleasant sound, almost calming. He was a sweet boy, and from what I had seen, I was sure that he would make a good brother. I watched him for a while as he fidgeted in his sleep. Every so often, he would throw his arm around or kick the duvet off himself. I had been doing the exact same thing. It might have been snowing outside, but inside it was too warm, and I was sweating and uncomfortable. I threw off my duvet to get some air.

‘Why did they have to have it so warm in here’?

I wasn’t used to this. Tom’s house was old and generally quite cold. At night Tom’s small room was freezing. I lie on top of the duvet and starred at the ceiling recalling the nights that I had spent sleeping on that old airbed on Tom’s bedroom floor, trying to keep warm. Then, that one night when he unexpectedly looked over the edge of his bed, smiled at me and said.

“Unless you want to freeze to death, you had better jump in with me.”

“With you!” I replied.

“It’s alright, I’m not going to rape you, gay boy,” he laughed. “You don’t have to; I just thought it would be better than catching hypothermia.”

“Rape me? In your dreams.” I stood up and before he had time to change his mind boldly jumped onto his bed and under his duvet pushing him playfully to one side. It was warm in there and so was he, as we lie on our backs squashed together with no room to move.

“You’re shivering,” he said, “I didn’t realize that you were that cold.”

I wasn’t shivering but shaking through nerves. He had asked me to get into bed with him, but now what?

‘Does he want to do stuff with me, like…sex stuff’?

I could feel his warm breath against my neck and his foot against my leg. Sharing a bed with him, had been a fantasy of mine for so long, but I never expected it to come true.

I turned my head to face him. “Thanks, Tom,” I whispered, but he was already asleep.

‘Did he call me gay boy. Does he know? I haven’t told anyone. Did he guess, or am I that obvious? No, he was only joking’.

Tom was pretty easy-going and I didn’t think that he would have too much of a problem with me being gay, but if he had known, then he probably wouldn’t have offered to share his bed with me.

That night, I felt truly happy for the first time in ages. It was a feeling that would be short-lived. The next day would be the worst day of my life.