The Cockney Canuck - 40. Chapter 40 One for the Road

When I offered to take Fran home, what I actually meant of course, was that I would get a cab to take us to her house and then another cab to take me home again after we had supposedly talked. I wasn’t sure however, what there was left to talk about, or if I even wanted to go into any more detail about my clandestine relationships with two boys with whom I had been sworn to secrecy. Other than Tom’s older brother and the nosey social worker, no one else knew that I had ‘fooled around’, as Tom liked to call it, with my best friend in England. Living on the other side of the Atlantic and with no connection to Fran, it was unlikely to affect him in any way, but I was starting to feel guilty for blabbing and revealing something, that I had promised never to do. Tom would not have been too happy with me, I knew for that sure and now I wasn’t happy with myself. As for Alex, this story would have seemed so far-fetched that I doubted if Fran would have ever believed it anyway. Even so, I wasn’t about to test that theory and risk it getting back to him; if he ever got wind that I had spilled the beans, he would want my blood and this time he wouldn’t be holding back.

We didn’t talk during the journey there and we didn’t even look at one another as we sat on the back seat, both deep in thought.

‘I’m to blame for all this mess; I led her on from the beginning, pretending to be somebody who I wasn’t. She has every right to be upset with what I said earlier. How would I have felt had it been the other way around? What if I were in a relationship with Nathan and having sex and all and then he tells me suddenly that actually he isn’t gay after all and ditches me for a girl like Fran. Wouldn’t that be the same thing. I would be devastated if that happened’.

I looked towards her and offered up a conciliatory smile, but it was met with a hard stare and the cold shoulder as she turned away to direct the driver towards the long driveway that led up to her house. It was after nine when the cab pulled up next to Philippe’s car and other than the hallway light, the house looked to be in darkness. I saw this as a good sign, it meant that her brother was probably in his room with his girlfriend Marie. They had had the house to themselves, so maybe they were upstairs screwing as Fran had suggested. It made sense and even though I considered her older brother as top-notch eye candy, I was relieved at the thought of not having to make small talk with him and waste valuable time. I wanted to be home by midnight, as I had the feeling that Sue would be waiting up for me, eager to fish for information and I didn’t want to compromise myself by arriving home late.

My hopes of a quick exit though, were dashed immediately we entered the house and encountered Philippe downstairs in the back kitchen with Marie. He was dressed in a basketball top and sweat pants, with nothing on his feet and his girlfriend seemed to be wearing little more than a dressing gown. They both seemed a little hot and flushed and it looked as if they had only just finished a little one-on-one exercising. I couldn’t help a little smile when I saw them, but I think that I was the one who was most embarrassed. Fran seemed to take it all in her stride as if she was used to seeing them like that, or maybe she just didn’t care at the time.

“Hey Robbie, good to see you,” said Philippe, in his usual jovial tone and I returned the greeting and said hello to Marie, before turning to Fran.

“Shall we go in the living room?”

“No,” she said, dismissing my suggestion and turning to her brother, “is there any beer left?”

“There’s some in the fridge if you and Robbie want one,” he said. He was holding a bottle of Labatt’s, which looked invitingly cold and refreshing and I gladly accepted his offer, hoping that it would calm my nerves. Fran did the honours and I took a huge gulp, but ended up choking and spilling most of it down the front of my clean t-shirt. She shook her head as if I were suddenly an embarrassment to her and I suppose that I was. It was a far cry from the Mr cool image that I had somehow managed to portray, the night that I had first stayed over.

It must have been obvious to them that all was not well between us and for a while it was a little uncomfortable as we tried to find some safe and common ground for small talk. He asked me how I was doing at school, how I was settling in with my new family and what I thought so far of Cobourg. They were the usual questions and I gave him the usual answers, which I had repeated more times than I cared to remember. It was only when I got around to telling him about my day out at the ballgame in Toronto that I started to relax a little and soon I was talking just to Philippe as Marie and Fran went to sit in the living room. After they had left, he smiled at me and went to the fridge to grab two more beers. He didn’t even bother asking me if I wanted another, but I was feeling good after the first and I wasn’t about to refuse.

“As long as you don’t throw up again,” he said, reminding me of the day when Fran and I had been drunk and he had had to strip me and put me in the shower. He never missed an opportunity to bring up that embarrassing episode whenever I was in his company and I found myself blushing as usual. In a bizarre way, I think I quite enjoyed him talking about it though and I definitely would have liked to have been able to remember the episode a bit clearer. When it got to ten, I was actually having a good time; I had taken my jacket off and was sitting at the kitchen table laughing and joking with the guy who I had previously convinced myself was a future mafia Godfather. I even mentioned this to him and he laughed about it, telling me that he would make me an offer that I couldn’t refuse. Then he placed another beer in front of me, before leaving to take a leak. I was sure that my talk with Fran would now be put on hold, which was what I had wanted in the first place and when I heard the girls laughing in the living room, it made me feel a lot better. I decided that I liked beer a lot more than I liked wine and after a stressful couple of hours, this was a cool way to end what had been overall, a memorable day.

“I’m afraid my sister’s a little drunk,” he said loudly as he walked back into the kitchen and I could hear Fran shouting at him from the other room.

“No I’m not drunk,” she said, but she didn’t sound all that convincing and I wondered how she could have got like that on just one beer. I was still feeling okay and I had downed nearly three.

“They’re drinking wine in there,” said Philippe, reading my mind and giving me a lopsided smile that made me go warm inside and force me to look away quickly. It made sense and I thought at first that this was probably a good thing. If Fran was drunk, then if past experience was anything to go by, pretty soon she would be passing out and that would be my cue to leave.

It didn’t quite work out that way and a little while later when I got up to go to the washroom, it was me who was beginning to feel a little light-headed. I still wasn’t that used to drinking alcohol, but this was a nice feeling and I was enjoying myself enough to want to stay, despite my fast approaching curfew.

‘Sue won’t mind if I’m a little late, I’ve done it plenty of time before, this is fun’.

I laughed to myself as I passed the living room and saw Fran and Marie sitting on the floor, with their backs against the couch and a bottle of plonk between them. It was a relief to see her in a such a good mood after what had happened earlier and despite the fact that I was now having some difficulty aiming my willy towards the toilet bowl, I decided that I was going to stay for a while longer. I had to hold onto the wall with my free hand to keep myself steady and avoid making a mess on the floor and then negotiate the long corridor that led back to the kitchen. The stakes though were well and truly raised when I stumbled back and noticed another opened bottle of beer waiting for me. Philippe must have noticed the apprehensive look on my face as I studied the offending item and sat down.

“You don’t have to drink it, if you don’t want to,” he said. I was pleased to hear him say that, but for whatever reason, probably stupidity, I chose to ignore the warning signals that my brain was sending and carry on. He found it funny, when I grabbed the cold bottle and took another big gulp and I laughed along with him, even though I didn’t understand the joke.

“Are you staying over?” he asked, “because there’s no way I’m driving you home.” I wasn’t expecting him too, he had drunk more than I had and I was having more than a little trouble focusing.

“No,” I said, “I’m gonna get a cab. I have to get home in a little while soon, or Sue’s gonna have fucking kittens.”

“I don’t mind if you wanna stay,” he said, “my old man won’t be back until tomorrow night.” Philippe knew that Fran and I had been sleeping together, but she obviously hadn’t mentioned to him that we had split-up. I didn’t want to have to break the news to him and put a dampener on a fun night, so I played along.

“It’s okay, I know it’s cool, but really, I should really, really go you know.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I said, “really, really.” Then we both burst out laughing.

“That’s good, for a minute there, I thought that you were planning on trying to jump my little sister.” It took me a while to work out what he had just said and then a little while longer to realize that it was just a joke.

“No, course not,” I said, blushing, “I wouldn’t honestly do that.”

“Then why did you come over tonight,” he said, “at nine o’ clock?”

“We came here to talk,” said Fran, making me jump. I hadn’t noticed her standing behind me in the doorway and I wondered how long she had been there for.

‘Shouldn’t he have warned me’.

“Hello Fran, where have you been?” I said and I smiled at her awkwardly.

“Talking to my girlfriend,” she replied.

“What you mean Laura?” I said giggling. It was a clear reference to her best friend who according to the school gossip machine, before I came along, had been her lover. It was ill-timed remark that I regretted the moment that I said it. It was lost on Philippe, but Fran understood and narrowed her eyes at me.

“Ha ha, very funny. You’re the one with things to hide around here Robbie, not me.”

“Whoa, take it easy sis, he’s only having a bit of fun,” said Philippe.

“Robbie’s had his fun,” she replied, “he’s had lots of it, haven’t you babe?” I didn’t like where this was going and stood up with every intention of leaving, but Fran had other ideas and she grabbed hold of my hand, squeezing it tight. “Excuse us Philippe, but we need some time alone.”

“We do?”

“Yes, you can come upstairs.”

“There’s not enough time now for that,” I said, “besides, I’m not in the mood now for that shit.”

“You promised me.”

“That was like nearly hours ago, I don’t think I can do it now, not after four…five, I dunno, whatever beers.” I pulled my hand away and tried to look serious, but my head was swaying and I was having trouble keeping her still. “I’m definitely not going upstairs with you.”

“Okay, then we’ll do it right here in front of my brother,” she said.

“No wait,” he said, “Fran’s right, I think you should do whatever it is you have to do upstairs in her room.”

“We can go outside,” I said, “in the garden.”

“You’re can’t be serious,” he said.

“I’m not going out there, where all the neighbours can here.”

“We just have to try and be a little bit quiet, that’s all,” I said, “and not yell at each other.”

“I don't wanna interfere but you two don’t have a very good track record in that department,” said Philippe. “The neighbours have already complained once, poor old Mrs Lewinski may not be able to take any more of that.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Fran. I was sure that Philippe had misinterpreted our conversation and was thinking something completely different, but I didn’t attempt to try to explain. I was too busy tipping the last drops of beer down my throat, followed by a loud burp.

“Oops, pardon me.” I wiped my mouth with my bare arm and gave Fran a lopsided smile. “Thanks you for the beer mate, I’ve had a really, really good time.”

“Good,” he said.

“Yes, good.’

“Ha you’re drunk Robbie,” said Fran, “this is too funny.”

“I’m not drunk Fran, I’ve just been drinking, that’s all.”

“You’re hammered,” she said.

“A little bit,” I agreed reluctantly, ‘but I’m okay, I just need to call a cab.” I retrieved my phone from my coat pocket and tried to clear my head and focus on the task at hand. “Can you do this for me?”

"Robbie man, why have you got a pink phone?" asked Philippe.

“It suits him,” said Fran, “here, give it to me, you’re holding it upside down, you jerk.” She took the phone and fumbled around with it for a while without success.

“It will be the last number that I dialed, stupid. Give it back, you don’t know anything about anything,” I said and I grabbed her hand trying to prize it away from her.

“Get away from me creep, I can do it.”

“Give me my phone back you…you...you old battle-axe.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Battle-axe…ha there, said it!” I poked my tongue out at her and Philippe was bent over with laughter as Fran and I tussled for control of the cell phone, while hurling abuse at one another.

“You guys are so funny,” he said, “you really have a thing going on there, don’t you? I mean it’s definitely different, like some kinda love hate thing.”

“No, it’s just hate,” said Fran as I managed to pull the phone from her grasp and step away, before backing into him. I felt his strong hands grab hold of my forearms as he steadied me and his warm breath on the back of my neck.

“Woah there, are you okay, maybe you should sit down before you fall over.”

“You’re right,” I said, taking what had been his seat and then without thinking I grabbed the beer in front of me and lifted it to my lips.”

“That’s my beer you’re drinking,” he said, “you finished yours.”

“Oops, sorry,” I said, but I made no attempt to give it back.

“He’s had enough, Philippe,” said Fran, “you shouldn’t have got him drunk, he’s under-age you know.”

“She’s right kiddo,” he said, “I’m forgetting you’re only fifteen.” He reached over to take the beer from in front of me, but I grabbed it quickly and held it between my legs.

“I’m nearly sixteen,” I said, “and I’m not drunk, honestly. I can handle it.” I took another long swig from the bottle and place it triumphantly on the table, although this time I had a little trouble swallowing it and nearly threw it back up again. I think that my body was trying to tell me something, but once more I chose to ignore the warning. “See. I’m having a good time.”

“He’s such a jerk,” said Fran, but I had given up the fight and before long I had my arms folded on the table and my head face down on top, as I listened to them talking over me.

“Oh my God, what happened to him?” I recognized Marie’s voice from somewhere behind me, I had forgotten that she was even there. “He needs to lie down for a while, do you want to go to bed Robbie?”

“I thought you’d never ask Marie,” I lifted my head and smiled at her, it made her laugh, but I felt dizzy and a little sick.

“Listen to Romeo,” said Philippe, but Fran wasn’t amused.

“You’re definitely not his type Marie,” she said, “isn’t that right Robbie?”

“She’s right you know,” I said, “I’m not his type, but I do need to lie down.” I got up and began walking towards the doorway. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew that I had to find something more comfortable than the kitchen floor to lie on and if I didn’t move quick that was where I was headed. I bounced off the wall and turned towards the living room, but I felt someone grab my arm and pull me in the opposite direction. I could hear Fran laughing, as her brother put his arm around me and led me up the big oak staircase.

“Put him in the spare room,” she said, “I don’t want him in my bed.” I wanted to thank her and tell her that the feeling was mutual, but I was having enough trouble coordinating my leg movements and it seemed as if we had been walking for ages. I had never been in the spare room before, but I knew that it was one flight of stairs less than Fran’s room and therefore nearer to the front door. Plus, I definitely didn’t want to end up back in her bed, the scene of the crime, for which I was now paying a hefty price.

Philippe sat me down on a big bed, in the middle of a spacious and lightly furnished room and the moment he let go of me, I fell backwards with my arms apart and my legs hanging over the edge. The lights were on and I was staring right at them so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my head started spinning. I could hear them talking but I couldn’t move or look up, I just wanted to be left alone for a while and for someone to switch off the lights.

“You can get him undressed.” I heard him say and I assumed that he was talking to Fran. I didn’t want to get undressed, I was comfortable in my clothes and I didn’t intend on staying that long. Sue was probably waiting, although I had lost all track of time and looking at my watch would mean having to open my eyes and move my arm.

“I’m okay like this,” I said, “leave me alone. I’ll be alright in a minute.”

“You’re not getting into bed with your clothes on,” said Fran.

“I need to get home, it’s after midnight already, I think.”

“Okay Cinderella, but first you need to sober up first, dork,” she said and even though I couldn’t open my eyes, I could have sworn that she was smiling at me. “How did you get so drunk that quickly anyway?”

“Beer.”

“I know it was beer, stupid,” and this time she laughed out loud. “Now you’re gonna have to help me take your clothes off.”

“Ha ha, you’re gonna have to do better than that, I’m not that easy you know.”

“After tonight, I doubt that’s true,” she said and it shut me up for a while as I mulled it over.

“Fran, I have to go home.”

“I might hate you at the moment, Robbie, but there’s no way that I’m gonna let you walk home in this state. You’ll probably end up face down in some ditch or something.”

“Well can you wake me up in an hour then?” I said.

“Yes, I’ll wake you up in an hour.”

“Promise.”

“Yes.”

“Cross your heart and hope to die?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Neither do I,” I said, “but I still like you Fran, you know that. I wanna still be your friend with you. We can be like that; you know…if you want to be…you know.”

“You’re babbling…now you have to help me,” she said, pulling at my t-shirt.

“Okay, you can undress me if you want,” I said giggling, “but you won’t take advantages of me, will you.”

“The way that I’m feeling at the moment Robbie, that’s the last thing that I want to do,” she said and then with nurse like authority she ordered me to sit up. I dutifully shifted my upper body and raised my arms just enough for her to pull off my t-shirt, dragging the collar painfully across my face. I protested and swore at her, but she stuck to her task, lifting my legs one at a time to peel off my socks, before reaching for the top button of my jeans. It wasn’t the first time that she had undressed me, but unlike the previous occasions it lacked the subtlety of a lover’s touch. There was nothing even remotely sexual about the way that she unzipped my jeans, grabbed them by the legs and yanked them off me, leaving me lying face up in only a pair of briefs. I managed to open my eyes and had to throw my hand in front of my face to shield them from the bright light.

“I need to go to the we we,” I mumbled.

“There’s an en-suite bathroom over there,” and she pointed, “I can’t do that for you.”

“It’s okay I can manage,” I said and I stood up walking crab-like towards the door, which I thought she had pointed to.

“No,” she said laughing, as I grabbed the door handle, “that’s the hallway, stupid.”

“Oops,” I said, covering my mouth with my hand. “It’s one of the other ones, isn’t it?”

“There’s only one other one,” she said giggling, before coming to my rescue as I bounced off the wall. She held my arm and led me into a small bathroom, pointing towards the toilet. Then, as I stood in front of the bowl and tried to steady myself, I lost my balance and fell backwards into the bathtub, dragging the shower curtain with me.

“Oh my God, Robbie are you okay?” I was looking up at her from the bottom of the bath, with my legs dangling over the side. She had her hand in front of her face, trying hard to smother a laugh.

“I fell over,” I said.

“Really?” she said, no longer bothering to hide her amusement at my misfortune. She grabbed my hand, pulling me upright and then stood me in front of the toilet bowl, but the moment she let go of me, I fell into her.

“I don’t believe I’m gonna have to hold you up while you pee,” she said, but that was exactly what she had to do. She stood behind me, with her arms underneath mine and wrapped around my chest to stop me from falling over. Then she rested her chin on my shoulder and I turned my face towards her grinning.

“Don’t even go there, mister,” she said, “you can do the rest yourself.” I shrugged as I fumbled around in the front of my briefs.

“Don’t look,” I said, “okay?”

“Oh for goodness sake Robbie, it’s not like I haven’t….”

“Close your eyes,” I ordered and then watched her and laughed as she did as she was told. “And no peeking okay?”

“I promise,” she said as I began emptying my bladder into the bowl with a huge sigh of relief. “Wow, I guess you really needed to go.” She was laughing as she reached around me to flush the toilet.

“What’s so funny,” I said.

“Nothing,” she replied, “it’s just I’ve never seen a guy pee before, up close.”

“You wasn’t supposed to be looking,” I said, “that’s naughty.”

“Sorry, but it’s kinda neat.”

“I’m very good at it; I’ve been doing it a long time.”

“Yes,” she said laughing, “I can see that, but you can put it away now.”

“Oh, sorry,” I said covering myself and sliding it back into my briefs with an embarrassed smile.

Fran guided me back to the bed where I collapsed face down on top of the sheets. I saw the light go out and heard her sigh as she sat down on the bed next to me, before reaching over and gently brushing my hair with her fingers.

“You’re really funny when you’re drunk, you know,” she said.

“I don’t think it’s very funny.”

“Well you are,” she said and she moved her hand down to rest gently between my shoulder blades, before rubbing my back in small circles. After a while; I could feel her pushing up against me. “Move over.”

“What are you even doing?”

“Move over,” she said, “I need to lie down too.’

“You don’t want me to have sex with you, do you?” I mumbled. “Because I don’t think I would be able to do…”

“No Robbie, it’s okay,” she said laughing, “I think I would have more chance of raising the Titanic, than that thing.” It made me laugh.

“That’s funny,” I said and then I fell asleep.