The Cockney Canuck - 166. Chapter 166 Easy Come, Easy Go

Mr Lube wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but despite his many faults, he had some endearing qualities and an oddball personality that was difficult to dislike. Helping him replace a few rotting decking boards in the backyard had to be better than being grounded for a week, and he seemed to have it all figured out. So, after a quick assessment, he grabbed some cash from Sue, and we headed into town to buy some materials from the Beer Store.

Riding in his beloved Chevvy convertible with the roof down and the wind in my face was a new experience for me and an opportunity for Mr Lube to escape from my bossy sister. He always looked much happier when she wasn’t around, which made me wonder why he hadn’t moved on like the rest of her boyfriends. According to Daniel, he had already outlasted his predecessors by a considerable margin, and I wanted to know why.

“Your sister keeps me in line,” he confessed after returning to the car with a modest six-pack of beers under his arm. “You probably won’t believe it, but before I met her, I was a little off the rails.”

It sounded very believable to me. “You mean even more than you are now?”

He stooped to wipe a piece of dirt from the gleaming paintwork of his pride and joy before climbing into the driver’s seat beside me. “Hell, yeah. I was ten times worse. I’m like a fucking angel compared to how I was a year ago. Nicola turned me around for sure. I don’t need to get drunk when I’m with her.”

I thought it would have been the other way around. I was sure my sister could turn even the most fervent prohibitionist into a hopeless alcoholic.

“But you just bought a load of beers.”

“I don’t mean every fucking day! Give me a break, kid. It’s the weekend, and I've got a lotta bad habits to kick. Besides, I needed to cash in those empties.”

A ten-cent refund on each empty bottle represented a formidable saving when you had a trunk full of them, which was why he needed my help. At least we weren’t rattling any more, and now we had enough room for some of the less essential items, like screws and nails, before a quick pitstop at the Dairy Queen.

Mr Lube was about as laid back as it was possible to be and the polar opposite of my highly-strung sister, but he changed into a demon the moment he got behind the wheel of a car. The quiet streets of Cobourg became his personal race track, and it made me wonder how he had managed to live this long, especially after telling me about his recent past.

Impaired driving was the cause of my real dad’s fatal car accident and was always a difficult subject for me. I told Mr Lube about it while we waited at the drive-thru, hoping it would discourage him from doing the same thing.

“Don’t worry, kid. I never drink and drive, and if I do, there’s usually a good reason, like I gotta get somewhere.” He waited to see my reaction before reaching across and trying to ruffle my hair. “I’m only kidding. You shouldn’t believe everything I say.”

“I don’t.” I hated people touching my hair, and I pushed his hand away. “I just don’t wanna see you kill yourself, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Well, yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because most people only care about themselves. It’s cool that you’re worried about me. I like you too, kid. I think of you almost as a little brother, you know that?”

“No!”

“Well, it’s true. It doesn’t even bother me anymore that you’re queer.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“Maybe it did at first, but not now.” I was glad he was no longer traumatised by my sexuality, and as if to prove it, he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards him for an uncomfortable brotherly-type hug. “I’m sorry about your old man; I didn’t know about that.”

“That’s okay. It was a long time ago, and I didn’t really know him.”

“It don’t matter; he was still your dad. It sucks, especially after what your grandfather did; that was really spooky.”

I had no idea what he was talking about.

“My grandfather?”

“Yeah, you know the serial killer. The crackpot who hid the bodies in your house.”

“Oh, him!” I stared at the back of his head and tried not to laugh as he paid the horrified-looking girl in the window and waited for our change. “You didn’t believe that, did you?”

He smiled at the girl as she handed him our order, then turned to me and shivered. “Man, that was creepy. He was killing all those people, and you didn’t even know. It must have freaked you out when they arrested him.”

“I’m still not over it. Sometimes I wake up screaming.”

“I’m not surprised. I couldn’t sleep for a week when you told me. England’s a weird place; all that fog and stuff. I guess that’s why they haven’t found Jack the Ripper.”

“He’s probably dead by now.”

“If you say so. I don’t blame you for being so fucked up, though, and needing all that therapy shit. I could tell you had a few screws loose when I first met you. No offence.”

“Really?”

“It’s in your eyes. I can see things other people can’t. It’s a gift.” Mr Lube may have been the most gullible person I ever met, but when he turned to wink at me as we pulled away, it made me wonder who was fooling who. “Let’s hope it doesn’t run in the family, eh.”

“It usually skips a generation.”

I watched him working it out as we raced up the hill at breakneck speed and nearly missed our driveway.

*     *     *

It was my brother’s decision to stay at home, and he was busy removing the damaged decking boards when I returned bearing gifts from the Dairy Queen. A raspberry blizzard and chocolate milkshake were his favourites, and a thirst-quenching peace offering that he found difficult to refuse on such a scorching hot day. My gamble paid off, and I was relieved when he begrudgingly accepted my heartfelt apology for triggering our violent brawl the previous night.

“I’m sorry for trying to get you grounded and for punching you in the face and busting your lip. If it’s any consolation, my ear still hurts from your right hook. I think you damaged my hearing.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “You deserved it.”

They were the first words he had spoken to me since our scuffle, and I replied with a blank stare.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Fuck off!”

Sue had no such issues; she could hear someone swearing in her sleep, and this time, it wasn’t me. She came out of the house brandishing the battered tin swear box and rattled it under Daniel’s nose before backing away when my brother pleaded poverty.

“Dad hasn’t been giving me my allowance, remember? I haven’t got any money.”

I didn’t believe that for a minute, but Sue must have felt guilty, and his fine was rescinded, leaving me baffled by the injustice.

“Wait! That’s not fair. I still had to pay all those times and wasn’t getting any money either. I demand a refund.” I didn’t get a reply, and no one was interested in hearing my complaint, so I turned to Stephanie, expecting her to show sympathy to the father of her unborn child. “It’s not fair. They’re discriminating against me because I’m rich and good-looking.”

“No, just rich,” smirked Daniel. It was progress, but I figured it would be a while before we returned to normal and started hitting each other for fun again. “Maybe now you can help me do some work.”

I hadn’t done much, but I was already drenched in sweat, so I followed my brother’s example and ditched my t-shirt, exposing my incredibly pale skin to the sun and incurring the wrath of Sue. She shouted at me to put on sunblock before leaving with Amy to go grocery shopping in Nicola’s car.

“When I get back, I want to see some of this decking finished.” She turned to Nicola and smiled. “Make sure they behave themselves; this is supposed to be a punishment.”

After covering myself in a layer of factor thirty, I returned to work greased up and ready for action, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought. The screws had corroded, and I got a splinter that Nicola tried to remove.

She sat at the kitchen table holding my finger in a vice-like grip while she went to work with a pair of tweezers, but I couldn’t bear to watch.

“Ouch, that hurts; what are you doing?”

“Keep still. You’re such a baby.”

“If you don’t get it out,” said Daniel, “it’ll go all septic and spread poison around your body.”

“He’s right,” added Mr Lube. “A friend of mine had to have his arm amputated because of a splinter.”

They were ganging up on me with tales of doom and playing right into Nicola’s sadistic hands. She enjoyed inflicting pain but lacked the patience required for such an intricate operation and quickly lost interest.

“I can’t do it if you won’t keep still. You’ll have to wait until mom gets home.” I glared at my sister as she followed Daniel outside, leaving me alone with a throbbing finger and a looming threat of amputation.

‘Thanks, I’ll do it myself.’

“I can probably get it out for you if you want.” I turned my head and smiled at Stephanie as she pulled up a chair beside me. “I’m quite good at these things.”

She couldn’t do any worse than my sister, so I showed her my wound and waited for her verdict.

“Well, what do you think?”

She ignored my finger and looked me up and down. “I think you should take your shirt off more often.”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest in a ridiculous attempt to shield myself from her eyes. “I was talking about the splinter.”

She scoffed at my overreaction and shocked me with her blunt rebuke. “It’s a little late to be shy, don’t you think? You weren’t shy when I had your dick in my mouth, or have you forgotten?”

I looked around in panic to be sure no one overheard. “No, of course, I haven’t forgotten.”

“It was a compliment; I wasn’t trying to seduce you. I’m not that desperate. Do you want my help or not?”

“Yes.” She made me feel stupid, so I put on the saddest face I could muster and apologised. I wanted to be friends with her, not push her away, and I was pleased to see her dismiss my impudence with a half-smile before grabbing my hand.

I never had Stephanie down as a first aider, but she was much calmer and gentler than my sister and seemed to know what she was doing. She studied the tiny object embedded just below the skin that was causing me so much discomfort and reassured me.

“This is easy.” I looked away as she squeezed my finger and reached for the tweezers. There was a quick, sharp pain, and it was over. “All done,” she proclaimed proudly before showing me the offending item. “I’ll get you a band-aid.”

“It’s called a plaster,” I joked as I studied the wound. The throbbing had stopped, and as far as I was concerned, Stephanie had saved my life. “Thanks; I doubt if my mom could have done a better job.”

It was a massive compliment which momentarily confused her as she retrieved Sue’s first aid box from the cupboard and placed it on the table.

Then she smiled. “I’m glad you started calling her mom. You seem a lot less troubled now. Is that anything to do with the departure of a certain person?”

I laughed as she delicately tip-toed around the subject that no one was talking about.

“You mean, Don? Yeah, it has a lot to do with him not being here so much. I’ll be even happier when he moves out for good.”

I watched her ease herself back into the chair. Her bump was a lot bigger than when I last saw her at her house, and the unintentional focus of my attention. I tried not to stare, but my eyes kept drifting back to it as she carefully cleaned and wrapped my tiny wound in a band-aid. Even Sue wouldn’t have been that attentive.

When she finished, I leaned across and kissed her on the cheek.

“What was that for?”

“For fixing my finger and because I upset you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s okay. I’m a bit emotional at the moment.” She smiled. “But thanks; I don’t get a lot of affection nowadays.”

She left that statement hanging like she wanted me to ask, and I couldn’t resist. “How come? I thought ….”

“You thought what? That I was with Mitch? It’s okay; my brother told me you asked about him. It’s nice of you to be concerned.”

“But it’s none of my business, I know. David already told me.”

“That’s not what I was going to say. If it matters to you, I haven’t seen Mitch in a few weeks. We had an argument, and he hasn’t called me since.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, but I didn’t mean it, and she may have noticed a slight smile. It was difficult to hide.

“No, you’re not. You hate him.”

“Only because he hates me and wants to beat me up. Plus, I didn’t like the idea of him, you know, being around the baby, even though he’s not born yet.”

She didn’t understand why I was concerned, and I couldn’t explain what was going through my twisted mind without looking like a total fruitcake.

“Mitch will never be the baby’s father if that’s what you mean. The baby won’t have a father. He doesn’t need one; he’ll have all the support he needs from my family.”

She was wrong. That route didn’t work, and I was living proof.

“All kids need a dad, Stephanie. Believe me; they’re more important than you think. You’ll realise that one day.”

“So, what do you suggest? It’s easy for you to say, but how am I supposed to find him a dad? Do you really think it’s that easy?”

“Yes!”

“What did you say?”

“Yes, it is that easy.”

“You don’t get it, do you? Look at me, Robbie.”

She stood up and pushed her stomach out to make it appear even bigger. I found it fascinating but not ugly.

“You’re the one who doesn’t get it. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re pregnant, but it’s not gonna last forever, and it’s nothing bad. It’s the opposite of bad. It’s totally natural.”

“You wouldn’t think that way if it was you.”

“Probably not, but I’ve been reading about it on the internet, and your chances of recovery are quite good. There are people who do it on purpose, you know, and more than once.”

“You’re not funny.”

“And you’re not listening. You don’t need to find him a dad.”

“Will you make up your mind? You just told me ….”

“He already has one.”

Stephanie stopped her rant and stared at me in silence, but it was the truth. All I did was point out the obvious and give her something to think about.

*     *     *

When I rejoined my brother outside, he was struggling to remove the last board and getting frustrated, so I sent him indoors to cool down before attacking it with a hammer. It eventually broke in half and landed in the swimming pool that we couldn’t use yet.

“That’s one way of doing it,” said Nicola, but Sue wasn’t overly impressed when she returned and found Daniel sitting indoors with little progress. It was a gift I would usually try to exploit, but for once, I didn’t have the heart to lie. While my brother pleaded his case, I wrestled with my conscience and went inside to explain.

“It’s my fault we haven’t got much done. I got a splinter. He’s been outside working since you left.”

Daniel could be forgiven for pinching himself and thinking he was dreaming. It was unlike me to pass up such a golden opportunity to score points in favour of telling the truth. I was becoming way too nice.

‘I’m turning into a Canadian.’

As my original mom always used to say, ‘Honesty is the best policy,’ and this sudden and inexplicable act of decency went down well with Sue. It seemed to justify her new approach to discipline and was another slap in the face for Don, who, only a few weeks earlier, had declared me uncontrollable. He never understood that all he had to do was gain my respect.

It was late afternoon, and we still had plenty of work to do, so I caught up with Mr Lube in the shed, making him jump and choke on his beer.

“Fuck, you scared the shit outta me.”

I laughed. “You thought it was my mom, didn’t you.”

“It’s your sister I’m worried about. What do you want anyway? I’m busy.”

“I can see that, but we’re supposed to be helping you, remember? What do you want us to do?”

He scratched his head and looked around the cluttered shed before reaching into his pocket. “Can you roll a joint?”

I laughed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. My mom would smell it, and we’d both be in big trouble.”

“You’re right. I was only testing you, kid. You passed with flying colours. You can start staining the new boards.”

He gave me a can of wood stain and a brush and then followed me outside, where he set up a workbench while I put on some more sunblock. I didn’t want to take any chances, so I covered the areas I could reach before looking for someone to do my back. I usually got Nicola to do this or traded like for like with my brother, but on this occasion, Stephanie seemed like the better option, and I figured she would have something to say.

She was sitting with Nicola at the picnic table, leafing through a catalogue of baby products, when I interrupted their conversation.

My sister looked at me and groaned, then stood up and held out her hand for the sunblock, but I ignored her and gave it to her friend instead.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” said Stephanie, “I do it for my brother all the time.” She smiled at a suspicious-looking Nicola and followed me across the patio as far as I could get from my sister’s prying eyes.

Stephanie’s hands had already travelled every inch of my body, and the result of that infamous night was pressed against my back as she squirted a dollop of cream between my shoulder blades. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. You really want to be involved, don’t you?”

“I just don’t want the kid growing up without a dad, that’s all.”

“Neither do I,” she said, pushing way too much sunblock around my back and making me squirm. “But we already discussed this.”

“I thought you might have changed your mind, but it’s okay; I get it. Your parents don’t like me.”

“It’s not that they don’t like you; they just think you’re too young for that kind of responsibility.”

“And gay.”

“Yes, I won’t lie to you; that’s also an issue. Don’t get me wrong, they have nothing against gay people. They just think it might confuse him and make things awkward. You know, having a gay dad. They want to do the right thing.”

At least she was honest, although I already suspected it had something to do with my sexuality, and I was fed up with hearing the word ‘they’. “Who’s having this baby?”

“You’re upset, aren’t you?”

“A bit.”

“I knew it; I can feel it in your shoulders. You’re tense. You need to relax.”

“It’s kinda difficult when you’re being insulted.” I tried to walk away, but she grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Wait! I haven’t finished yet.” I found that difficult to believe, and so did my sister. She glared at us over the top of her sunglasses as Stephanie continued rubbing cream onto my back, covering every inch of exposed skin, including areas already done, like my shoulders and arms. “I’m sorry, Robbie. Please don’t be mad at me. You’re a sweet boy with a big heart, but I can’t change things.”

I wasn’t mad at her, but she was making a mistake, and I wanted her to know it if only to clear my conscience.

“I don’t want him to hate me.”

“He won’t ever know you.”

I found it difficult to believe she could be that naïve.

“It’s possible, but the chances are you’re wrong because one day he’s gonna wanna find out, and you won’t be able to stop him. Even if you move away and meet someone, and that person turns out to be the best dad in the whole world, he’ll still wanna find me. You’re kidding yourself if you think that’s not gonna happen.”

It sounded callous, but it needed to be said, and no one seemed to be thinking that far ahead. I knew nothing about babies, but I was an expert at being a troubled teenager, and if this kid was anything like me, Stephanie and her family were in for a rough ride.

Nicola had seen enough; she marched across the patio to confiscate the bottle of sunblock from her friend. “I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna burn now, Steph. You could put him in a toaster, and he’d be okay.”

I chuckled, but Stephanie wasn’t listening. “We’ll worry about that when it happens,” she said, confusing Nicola.

I nodded. “As long as your parents don’t expect me to cover for them because eventually he’s gonna find out.”

“Find out what?” asked Nicola. “Have I missed something?”

She didn’t like not knowing what was happening and looked at me for an answer before chasing after her friend, so I walked back to the shed to see Mr Lube.

“What happened to you? Did you fall into a tub of mayonnaise?”

“Stephanie got a little carried away with the sunblock.”

“Women are strange creatures. You can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them.”

“I’m pretty sure I could live without them.”

“Obviously not, or you wouldn’t be covered in whipped cream. Do you think she’ll do me? I catch the sun real easy. That’s why I have to stay in here.”

“I wouldn’t ask her at the moment if I were you.”

“You’re right. I don’t wanna step on your toes or anything.” He winked at me and took a swig from his beer. “Besides, your sister keeps me busy.”

“Yuk, I don’t need to know that.”

“Well, don’t ask.”

“I didn’t.”

*     *     *

It was almost dark, and Daniel and I were clearing up when Sue came outside to inspect our work. Despite a slow start, we managed to replace all the damaged boards and work off our punishment.

“I’m impressed,” she said. “See what can be achieved when you work together instead of fighting. Where’s Mr Lube?”

I giggled as Nicola scolded her mom. “Not you as well. Will everyone stop calling him that?” She glared at me. “It’s all your fault.”

“He’s in the basement having a nap,” I said.

“I think he’s got sunstroke,” added Nicola coyly.

“Oh dear,” said Sue. “I hope he’s okay.”

I looked at Daniel, and we chuckled. “He just needs to sleep it off.”

“Well, tell him I appreciate his help,” said Sue, handing each of us forty dollars. “Here’s your allowances for the week.”

“Dad usually gives me fifty,” said Nicola.

“I’m sorry,” said Sue. “That’s all I can afford at the moment.”

“How come she gets more,” said Daniel.

“Because I’m older than you, dork.”

“But we haven’t been getting anything.”

Sue looked stressed as she tried to keep the lid on a difficult situation and explain.

“I talked to your father earlier and asked him to reimburse you for the weeks he missed, but his response wasn’t very helpful. Unfortunately, he hasn’t shown much interest in paying for anything lately, so you may have to wait until there’s some kind of court settlement.”

“What has he been paying you, Mom?” asked Nicola.

Sue chuckled nervously, and I could see the pain in her eyes. “Nothing, dear.”

“Nothing at all?”

“No. The mortgage hasn’t been paid, nor any of the bills.”

“But he has to pay,” said Nicola. “That’s the law, right?”

Sue shrugged. “He claims he hasn’t got the money. That’s all I know at the moment. I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. It’s not a problem you should have to worry about.”

There was an uneasy silence before Daniel handed his allowance back to Sue. “It’s okay, Mom, I don’t need this money. I have some cash put aside.”

“Me too,” I said as I followed my brother’s lead and stared at Nicola.

She looked at us and then at the money before handing it reluctantly to her mom. “I suppose I can manage without it.”

‘Easy come, easy go.’

At least I was getting my allowance again, even if I had to give it straight back.

Before then, I hadn’t given much thought to Sue’s financial position. I always assumed she had enough money to pay for everything, even without Don, but that wasn’t the case, and I was surprised to see her gratefully accept our offer. It was the first indication I got that something was seriously wrong, and I suspected Sue was putting on a brave face when she smiled and promised to pay us back once everything was resolved.

“I can help out.” I wasn’t sure how much money I had left in my bank account, but I was ready to give it to Sue if she needed it.

“That won’t be necessary, dear, but thank you, anyway. We can all help by tightening our belts a little until this is over.”

“When is that gonna be,” said Daniel. “I’m fed up with sharing the basement with Nicola.”

“You little squirt. You think I wanna sleep down there?”

I stepped between them and tried to remain neutral while Sue cleared her throat and regained her authority.

“This isn’t fair on anyone. Things will be back to normal soon, I promise. It’s getting late; you boys need to shower and have something to eat.”

She clapped her hands to disperse everyone, and Daniel beat me in a race to the bathroom, leaving me with Nicola’s snoring boyfriend.

“He can stay here until his sunstroke wears off,” said Nicola. “I’m going to sleep at Stephanie’s house.”

My brother cheered from the bathroom, and I had to go upstairs while Nicola changed. Clearly, this arrangement wasn’t working, but even though Don was hardly ever there anymore, he stubbornly refused to move out.

“I hope everything works out with you guys,” said Stephanie. She kissed me on the cheek as she waited for Nicola at the front door, but we had nothing left to say to each other.

“So do I.”

“We can still be friends.”

“Of course.”

“I’m sorry about the sunblock. I would hug you, but you’ll probably slip through my arms.”

I forced myself to laugh and was relieved to hear Nicola running up the stairs. I wasn’t sure if Stephanie would be back. I hoped so, but I suspected not, and it was probably better that way. At least my conscience was clear. I did everything I could.

*     *     *

Now, I had worked off my punishment; I was free to join Nathan at Ginny’s house for a belated birthday celebration with his other friends, but it was asking a lot of me.

I was covered in dirt and sweat, held together by a layer of sunblock that took ages to wash off in the shower. I had bruises on my arms and legs from a day of physical exertion, and my head was spinning—collateral damage from dealing with Stephanie and worrying about Sue’s finances.

I wasn’t in the mood for Ginny or her druggie friends, so I spent the rest of the evening on the couch with a blanket, watching TV with my brother and talking on the phone to Rory.

Nathan thought I was grounded, so I had the perfect excuse not to go, but I was disappointed when he didn’t call me. The boy was supposed to be in love with me, but all I got was a jumbled text filled with love hearts and kisses. It didn’t make much sense, and I knew why. At least with me, he wasn’t able to disguise it anymore.

Rory was tactful as usual and careful not to hurt my feelings, but I could sense his growing frustration with Nathan.

“Aren’t you gonna text him back?”

“Maybe later. I’m not in the mood for him at the moment.”

Rory sighed, and I could picture him rolling his eyes. “You guys are weird. I thought you were supposed to love each other.”

“We do, just not all the time.”

“If it were me, I wouldn’t want to go to a party without my partner, and if I did, I would definitely call him. That’s just me.”

I noticed Rory used him instead of her to describe his fictitious relationship, and I wondered if he was trying to convey some kind of message or simply speaking from Nathan’s perspective.

“I trust him. I always knew Nathan was different; it’s what attracted me to him in the first place.”

“I thought it was the makeup.”

“Don’t be sarcastic. He knows I don’t like that, but he’ll never change. I prefer boys who look like boys.”

‘Boys like you!’

“Then why are you with him?”

“Because he makes me laugh, he’s caring and sexy, and underneath those clothes, he’s definitely a boy.”

“Duh, I get that. But I think he embarrasses you by wearing silly makeup and kissing you in the cafeteria. He knows you don’t like that, but he doesn’t care about your feelings; he only cares about himself. He’s an attention seeker. He wants to shock people and impress his friends, and he’s using you to do it. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do that. I would never do that to someone I loved. Are you mad at me?”

“No, not at all. I’m a little shocked, but I’m glad you got it off your chest. I don’t know what to say. I guess you really don’t like him. Why didn’t you say this before?”

“Because you love him, and if you think I don’t like him, you won’t wanna be my friend anymore. I know how things work.”

Rory’s words hit me right in the gut and made me want to hug him, so I grabbed a cushion instead and dropped the phone. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Sorry, Rory. I was trying to hug you and dropped you on the floor. I will always want to be your friend, and I won’t let anyone come between us. Not ever. But you’re going to have to give me the same commitment. I would be devastated if you met a girl and didn’t have time for me anymore.”

“Don’t worry, that’s not gonna happen.”

“You say that now, but no one knows ….”

“Believe me, it won’t happen!”

I was surprised by his abrupt interruption. It was most unlike Rory. “Okay, I believe you.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you, and I probably shouldn’t have said all that stuff about Nathan.”

“That’s okay. You spoke from the heart, and I agree with a lot of what you said. That makes you a good friend. I still love you, Rory.”

“Me too,” he said softly, and for a moment we sounded like lovers.

My friend had a sexy whisper, and I was only wearing a pair of old swimming shorts that I wore for bed whenever it was warm. I squeezed the cushion against my chest and pretended it was Rory.

“I’m giving you a massive hug at the moment. Can you feel it?”

“No.”

“You should; I’m giving you everything I got.” I forgot Daniel was in the basement. He lifted his head from the armchair to show his displeasure at me, humping the cushion before returning to Saturday Night Live. “Oops, my brother just caught us having sex.”

Rory giggled. “Whatever, dude. You’re crazy, and you’re obsessed with sex.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. We should try to have a conversation without talking about sex?”

I had to think about it. “But that only leaves us with football.”

He laughed. “I can do that. Remember, it’s the cup final next weekend. You still haven’t told Nathan you’re sleeping at my house, have you?”

“No.”

“I knew it. I can read you like a book.”

“I hope not.”

“Well, I can, and I know everything about you. Does that make me weird?”

“It might make you a stalker, but I don’t mind. I like being stalked. Do you hide in the bushes at night with binoculars and watch me undress?”

“Here we go again. You couldn’t last more than a minute and don’t even think of making a joke of that. Anyway, I don’t need to hide in the bushes; I see you naked all the time.”

I covered my head with the blanket and whispered. “Do you like what you see, Rory?”

He laughed and reprimanded me. “Now you’re going too far. You couldn’t resist it, could you?”

He was right. He knew I would have to push it as far as I could. That was something else he knew about me, but I didn’t mind. Rory’s too far was much further than most straight guys, although not quite as far as I wanted, and I noticed he didn’t answer my question.

I decided not to ask again. I could make up my own answer, and I already had enough material to keep me wanking for a fortnight if I could get rid of Daniel.