Web Guys - 13. Chapter 13

Losing Ground

From Losing Ground: Great guy with a dark side. Versatile guy who loves to get his ass burned and return the favor, though neither are required. Very orally proficient and proud of it. Aggressive tongue and a pretty deep throat. I’m negative and after making it through the early 80s in NYC, I have no intention of changing that status. Also love BOTH sides of the fucking equation. Looking for a guy with whom chemistry (not chemicals) clicks. Ultimately a long term relationship again, but let’s play along the way.

From Alan: You’ve got a great smile and face, and you look a lot like a guy I liked and used to have sex with in college. If you’d – perversely – like that grin eased off your face – or maybe broadened – I might be able to help a bit some evening. Meanwhile, I hope you continue to have fun.

From Losing Ground: Welllllllllllll, thank you!!! I don’t consider taking the grin off my face perverse, but, I can’t say I’m not interested in your generous offer.

From Alan: Then let me know some evening when it’s not simply the full moon that’s driving your hormones. I have a few hours free early tomorrow night, but the moon will be just as full, so it may be that your brain’s not fully in control. Or maybe astrology is just crap.

From Losing Ground: How did astrology enter the conversation? I’m interested but probably not tomorrow night.

From Alan: Astrology was a misfired joke. I barely know you, so I was feeling my way through. Another night then – or a weekend afternoon.

From Losing Ground: So you’re flying under the radar, as it were.

From Alan: Yep, I have some skills I don’t use much in my marriage, and it’s always nice to know they still work. Otherwise, I start to believe they never existed. I don’t play often, and I play very carefully, mainly when someone seems interesting enough.

From Losing Ground: We should definitely get together and see where this leads.

From Alan: OK. It led. That was good.

From Losing Ground: It was strange. You have a gentle touch.

From Alan: You seemed happy.

From Losing Ground: And I have no regrets – at least, not about you. Maybe about me. Maybe I don’t like gentle anymore.

From Alan: I’m afraid that’s as rough as I get.

From Losing Ground: I know. You’re a nice man.

From Alan: You don’t say that as a compliment.

From Losing Ground: Well, maybe I need someone who’s not so nice. You got my dick hard – of course, my dick’s always hard – and I liked what you were doing. I just didn’t feel in danger.

From Alan: Sorry.

From Losing Ground: Don’t apologize. Lots of guys would love to be intrinsically nice, and you’re just the kind of man I’m looking for out of bed. And maybe that’s it. Maybe I know I’d never have a real chance with you. Maybe there’s danger in this for you. But I could fall in love and throw myself at you and you’d never leave your wife. You’re too well grounded.

From Alan: I think you’re reading tea leaves.

From Losing Ground: No. Definitely

From Alan: Well, it’s not that you don’t personally have a chance. I’m not sure any guy would. Even if something happened to my wife – and that would probably kill me – I’d still have to raise our daughters. So I really wouldn’t be free. And this isn’t denial or anything, but I just don’t think of myself as a gay man.

From Losing Ground: Too bad.

From Alan: Maybe. I don’t know.

From Losing Ground: You never will till you try.

From Alan: Maybe if I were 25 now, it would be different.

From Losing Ground: If I were 25 now, everything would be different. I definitely wouldn’t be living here again. I never thought I’d come back. I grew up in Iowa, and in my early 20's, I visited the local watering holes...and they were filled with bullshit.

From Alan: They weren’t that bad a dozen years later – I’m a bit younger than you. But I didn’t spend much time in them. And I went away to college and worked summers there. Soon after I came back, I got married.

From Losing Ground: I still hit the bars occasionally. Of course, they’re nothing after NY. But I’m still looking for a nice grounded guy, and I’ll try anywhere. All I seem to find is drama.

From Alan: You wouldn’t think there’d be a lot of that here.

From Losing Ground: Maybe it’s me. Maybe I was born with it or bring it with me or bring it out in other people. Maybe that’s what I’m trying to get beaten out of me.

From Alan: Nah, I think you just like the rush and don’t like drugs. You also seem like a nice guy.

From Losing Ground: Says the man who’s spent only an hour with me.

From Alan: It was longer than that. And you had your eyes closed most of the time. I didn’t. And I knew what I had on my hands.

From Losing Ground: Well, thanks.

From Alan: And I’d like to see you again.

From Losing Ground: Only if you develop a taste for blood.

From Alan: Afraid I mainly have a taste for nice guys. Though I like your tongue.

From Losing Ground: There’s the truth.

From Alan: Maybe.

From Losing Ground: You can’t even lie.

From Alan: I lie all the time, though mainly about having sex. But not about good sex. And you weren’t lying about your skills.

From Losing Ground: No point to that. It’s discovered all too soon.

From Alan: You were great.

From Losing Ground: Thanks again. And maybe I’ll see you around. Let me see if I can get roughed up first. Maybe I’ll come crawling back.

From Alan: Just let me know when.

From Losing Ground: You’re a patient man.