Web Guys - 39. Chapter 39

Marrying Kind

From Marrying Kind: Seeking a Dom who is interested in forcing a gay sub to marry a woman. This sub has not been sexual with women for over 10 years but hopes a Dom would enjoy encouraging him into a straight marriage. The idea of lying next to a woman and thinking about cock really gets me hard. The Dom would ideally give instructions either via e-mail or phone as to when the sub was allowed to have sex with his wife, what kind of job to hold, where to live, how to vote, what kind of clothes to wear, etc. Is there a Dom who is interested in this level of control?

From Alan: The first question is “Are you crazy?” The next is “Are you presentable enough to get married?” Do you have a good job? Are you educated? Can you carry on an intelligent conversation? Are you interesting? You’re already 49, but that doesn’t hurt because there are a lot more unmarried and divorced women that age and older than there are interested men. It also might be terrific for you to be married to a great woman who’s eager to crawl all over you. And you might make an excellent husband, despite your worst intentions. So I’d need some information about you and a picture of you dressed in your best suit. You’ve got to make a good impression on a dating site. It’s ironic, but in order to make you miserable on your terms, you’ve got to make a woman happy. You’ve got to be the perfect husband.

From Marrying Kind: Hello, Sir. i just sent you my photo, Sir. Thank you, Sir -- boy

From Alan: Please don’t call me Sir, and don’t call yourself Boy. And don’t thank me till there’s something to thank me for. The naked picture is totally unimportant, but at least it shows you have a decent body. Now answer those questions and send me a photo for a dating site.

From Marrying Kind: i’m working on the questions, and i have one for you. You remind me of another Dom i used to write to online. Are you a psychiatrist?

From Alan: Not even close. I could never handle the science. And from your second photo, you look more than presentable. You’re actually pretty good-looking. Though are your eyebrows that light or did some guy shave them off?

From Marrying Kind: i was a towhead as a kid and my eyebrows never turned dark. They stayed white so in photos it looks like i am eyebrowless. And thanks for the compliment.

From Alan: The light eyebrows make you seem more vulnerable. I’ll bet women like that – men, too. And you seem to write in full sentences, even if you won’t capitalize your i’s, so I suspect you can carry on a conversation. You also look great in a suit, so my only question is, “Why haven’t you been married for 30 years?”

From Marrying Kind: Maybe because I never took it seriously.

From Alan: Then how about those other answers?

From Marrying Kind: Okay. I have a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in business. I worked for years for a major corporation and then got hit by a car on a business trip. It wrecked my body though it still looks good, and it retired me early on disability. I own my own home, and it’s paid off, but 6 years ago, my dad – who is now 83 – took a bad fall, and I had him move in with me. My mother had already passed. My dad would rather live alone, but he can’t, and he won’t live with anyone but me. I like to think I can carry on intelligent conversation. I read and watch a lot of science and history programs and news. I’m not sure how you would want my behavior/personality to change. I have never been promiscuous, even when I first started seeing men when I was in my 20s. I’ve never been wired that way. I always have believed in being faithful/monogamous, but I never found someone to be faithful to. I dated women for a long time, partly as a cover when I was in business, but also because I liked it. I’m just lousy at sex. With guys, it’s easier because I like being fucked. Still, I think I could be a very good husband/partner/companion, and the main monkey wrench in this now is I’m a full-time caregiver.

From Alan: I see you discovered how to capitalize your I’s, and you’d obviously be a fine husband for anyone. Why don’t you date guys, if that’s what you really want?

From Marrying Kind: I’m not sure it is. But I don’t have the guts to date anyone again with my body broken and my dad living here. Unless someone tells me to.

From Alan: Well, anyone would have to get around your disability, but there are probably guys far worse off than you are. And people would just have to accept your responsibilities to your dad. Still, many would find that devotion attractive. You just need to start dating again – women and men. Give yourself an equal chance. Maybe the best way would be online. Have you done that before?

From Marrying Kind: I had a profile on a straight site for a while, and I started seeing a divorced woman. She was a pip. She’d been married 4 times and had 4 kids, the youngest being 5. And the kids were from 4 men other than her husbands, and she still lived with ex number 3, but it wasn’t a good situation. But we went out every weekend for a couple of months, and it was fun, and I was very attentive. I finally deleted my profile one night when I realized how unfair I was being. I ended things nicely, using my dad as an excuse. Though she did wonder why, after almost 2 months, we hadn’t slept together. I told her I didn’t trust her birth control pills and she laughed. Also, I keep meaning to ask you, What are you getting from this?

From Alan: She obviously wasn’t a good match, and I don’t mean to put her down, but you can do better. First, you should be looking for someone more independent. Second, and more important, you’ve got to be absolutely committed to making a relationship work, whether it’s with a woman or a man. The biggest complication may be your dad, but that commitment will have to be built into dating from the start. You have to seem so appealing someone will just accept your responsibilities.

From Marrying Kind: Do I keep the relationship non-sexual, with a man or a woman? That’s pretty hard in either case. This woman kept trying to take off my shirt, and guys have always liked my ass. And you still haven’t told me what you’re getting out of this.

From Alan: You’re not allowed to ask that, and you’re not allowed to ask anything about my life. But I’ll tell you this – I’m trying to help you be happy for the rest of your life.

From Marrying Kind: i think you’re the man i used to write to who was a high school guidance counselor or something. You’ve got a Master’s in counseling, right, and some doctoral work. Either that or you’re a priest, like i originally thought. And i thought you wanted me to be miserable, not happy.

From Alan: You’re a bright guy with a pretty good memory though you’ve got most of the details wrong.

From Marrying Kind: Which ones?

From Alan: I’m not going to tell you, but if you want, work that good mind of yours and figure them out.

From Marrying Kind: i knew it was you! Another giveaway was your not wanting to be called “Sir.” Everyone else online is sooooo into that!

From Alan: And I already knew who you were, or I wouldn’t have written again.

From Marrying Kind: You’re using a different name.

From Alan: No, this is the one I’ve always used.

From Marrying Kind: Well, you’ve deleted your photo.

From Alan: I’ve never posted one. I only send it on request. Here. Look familiar?

From Marrying Kind: Yeah, I remember that suit. But what do you look like now?

From Alan: My hair’s gotten darker. It’ll probably get light again as it goes gray.

From Marrying Kind: i’d like to see that.

From Alan: I’m not so eager.

From Marrying Kind: You wouldn’t meet me the last time. i don’t think we even made it this far.

From Alan: That hardly matters. What’s important now is, are you going to quit?

From Marrying Kind: Doing what?

From Alan: Pretending you want to get married. If you did manage that, you’d make some nice woman very unhappy.

From Marrying Kind: i probably couldn’t go through with it.

From Alan: But this is the second time you’ve tried.

From Marrying Kind: More. You just haven’t run into me. And I told you, I use other sites,

From Alan: How often?

From Marrying Kind: Oh – probably every 2 or 3 months.

From Alan: Ouch.

From Marrying Kind: Whenever the mood hits.

From Alan: I’m glad no one’s taken you up.

From Marrying Kind: You mean some Dom? Or some nice woman?

From Alan: You said you only dated one.

From Marrying Kind: And you believed me?

From Alan: You’ve always seemed honest.

From Marrying Kind: More than you. You really want me going out with some nice guy i meet at church.

From Alan: You haven’t done that?

From Marrying Kind: i confess, Father.

From Alan: How far did it go?

From Marrying Kind: A couple of social things – then he fucked me. And you’re right – i really am bait. i clean up nicely when my hair’s well cut. But i have no balls. Whenever a man or woman gets interested, i bail. Always have.

From Alan: Why?

From Marrying Kind: That’s between me and my score of therapists.

From Alan: Probably a good thing in all cases.

From Marrying Kind: A couple of Doms have tried controlling me. But you’re right there too – they mainly liked to see me grovel. And they would have shaved off my eyebrows – they’re a real lure. They’d have shaved the rest of me too and i kind of like my hair. But i’ve done lots of that already, and no one’s been able to teach me anything new. That’s why i figured i’d get married and be sexless and miserable.

From Alan: That’s sad.

From Marrying Kind: It’s closer to funny. You get my clothes off, and no matter who i’m with or how badly broken my body, my dick’s hard.

From Alan: Small consolation prize.

From Marrying Kind: i remembered you were funny.

From Alan: And you’re too bright to be unhappy.

From Marrying Kind: i’m better off on my own. i always suck people in then disappoint them – i even got you. In the best way, people try to change me then can’t. It’s been that way since i was a kid.

From Alan: I hope you’re continuing therapy.

From Marrying Kind: Nah – all that talk. All that waste. i know everything there is about me, but for each new therapist, it’s new.

From Alan: Have they tried drugs?

From Marrying Kind: i’m not depressed. i don’t hate myself. i won’t hurt myself – i wince at the least bit of pain. i just like being naked, with some guy’s dick up my butt.

From Alan: And once you’re finished, you want to go home.

From Marrying Kind: Absolutely – alone.

From Alan: After 30 years, you’d think that might change.

From Marrying Kind: Never.

From Alan: Then do what makes you happy.

From Marrying Kind: i told you – my body’s broken. It hurts even to suck.

From Alan: Watch a lot of porn.

From Marrying Kind: i do – even manage to keep it from my dad.

From Alan: You’ve got an answer for everything.

From Marrying Kind: Quick and well practiced.

From Alan: You could try to relax.

From Marrying Kind: Not one of my interests.

From Alan: Beats beating yourself up.

From Marrying Kind: Nah – it takes my mind off the mess i am.

From Alan: The dumb thing is if you got yourself into any kind of decent relationship, you could probably be happy.

From Marrying Kind: i never have been.

From Alan: You could learn.

From Marrying Kind: i’m happiest when some guy’s telling me everything to do.

From Alan: I’m telling you to be happy.

From Marrying Kind: Give it up.

From Alan: I pretty well have. But as I said the last time, try to stay in touch.

From Marrying Kind: Why?

From Alan: Because you’ve never mentioned having friends.

From Marrying Kind: i’ve got lots of them. Married friends. Great couples. i’m even an uncle, 5 times over. But i keep friends and family separate from sex.

From Alan: Then take care.

From Marrying Kind: Thanks.

From Alan: And write whenever you want. You know how to reach me.

From Marrying Kind: goodbye, Sir.

From Alan: Goodbye?

(No reply)

From Alan: Damn.