Web Guys - 36. Chapter 36

Baby Dick

From Baby Dick: SIR I apologize but I have a very small tool.

From Alan: What’s “very small” mean to you?

From Baby Dick: I have a small boy like penis SIR

From Alan: Lots of guys have small dicks when they’re soft. Doesn’t yours get considerably larger when it’s hard?

From Baby Dick: It goes from being 3 inches to 5 inches. It’s thin also with boy like balls SIR

From Alan: There’s nothing wrong with having a 5 inch dick. I’ve met guys whose dicks were that size, and these guys were 6 foot 2. You seem pretty well proportioned to your height

From Baby Dick: I’d like to be taller too SIR

From Alan: Almost every guy under 6 feet does, and I never understand why.

From Baby Dick: Because you’re over 6 foot SIR.

From Alan: Not by much.

From Baby Dick: It doesn’t matter by how much SIR.

From Alan: But you’re a very good-looking man. Very good-looking.

From Baby Dick: I’m a very good looking boy SIR, and I probably always will be. People always think I’m half my age, like18 or sometimes younger.

From Alan: Not the worst asset.

From Baby Dick: I’d rather be a man SIR. There’s hardly a hair below my neck, and I only shave my beard once a week.

From Alan: Again, something guys would kill for.

From Baby Dick: Not if they had it SIR. It’s like a bad wish.

From Alan: I wish I could prove you wrong.

From Baby Dick: Well I’m not going anywhere. So when you get to up to this part of Iowa, let me know SIR.

From Alan: Unfortunately, there’s no reason I’d get anywhere near Sioux City. I’ve never been there in my life.

From Baby Dick: I’ve been here all my life SIR

From Alan: Didn’t you go away to college?

From Baby Dick: I didn’t go to college SIR. I didn’t need to. I run a family business.

From Alan: Sometimes I’m a moron. Sorry.

From Baby Dick: I have traveled SIR

From Alan: Where to?

From Baby Dick: Mostly in the United States SIR. I only speak English.

From Alan: A lot of people around the world are bilingual, and their second language is English.

From Baby Dick: Have you traveled SIR?

From Alan: Some, though pretty much east of Iowa. But we have been to the Grand Canyon and to Europe.

From Baby Dick: Who is we SIR?

From Alan: My wife and I. We took the kids to the Grand Canyon.

From Baby Dick: You’re not trying to hide that SIR?

From Alan: That I’ve been to the Grand Canyon or that I’m married?

From Baby Dick: Married SIR

From Alan: No.

From Baby Dick: I admire that, but I could never do it SIR. But I will tell you something I’ve never admitted online before. I’m married too.

From Alan: Do you have kids?

From Baby Dick: Four SIR. They’re the best thing I’ve ever done.

From Alan: I’m sure that’s not true.

From Baby Dick: I’m not a very good husband SIR. I work as long as possible. I’m at the office now.

From Alan: At midnight?

From Baby Dick: I go home for dinner with the family SIR and then I go back to work.

From Alan: Then how can you be a good father?

From Baby Dick: I go to games. I meet their teachers. I go to church. I take them on trips. We’ve seen the Grand Canyon too SIR.

From Alan: Do you like your wife?

From Baby Dick: You’re getting very personal SIR.

From Alan: Sorry. You’re just fascinating.

From Baby Dick: I’m boring SIR.

From Alan: I don’t think so.

From Baby Dick: Why SIR?

From Alan: You’re keeping a lot of things balanced. I don’t know how you do it.

From Baby Dick: I don’t know any other way SIR. I’ve done this since high school.

From Alan: When was your first child born?

From Baby Dick: When I was 19 SIR.

From Alan: How old was your wife?

From Baby Dick: 21 SIR. She’s obviously older. We met through church.

From Alan: Why did you get married?

From Baby Dick: I couldn’t see any other way SIR. I needed to stay in the community because of the family business and I needed to be a member of the community.

From Alan: Why did she get married?

From Baby Dick: I’ve always thought for the same reason I did SIR. But we’ve never talked about it.

From Alan: Would you mind if she slept around?

From Baby Dick: I don’t think she could SIR. She never travels without me and it’s a very tight community. Everyone knows everyone.

From Alan: Sounds like hell.

From Baby Dick: Hell with snow SIR. We get a lot in the winter.

From Alan: Why don’t you move your family business? Or take what you know and go somewhere else?

From Baby Dick: I can’t SIR. It’s not just my family. I have parents to consider.

From Alan: Don’t you have brothers and sisters?

From Baby Dick: I have to consider them too SIR. None of us have ever left the area.

From Alan: Wow.

From Baby Dick: I told you. I’m very boring SIR.

From Alan: I wish you’d stop putting yourself down.

From Baby Dick: Why SIR?

From Alan: It’s not healthy.

From Baby Dick: Maybe SIR.

From Alan: You never did tell me if you like your wife.

From Baby Dick: She’s a very good woman SIR. I couldn’t have chosen better.

From Alan: But you’re not happy.

From Baby Dick: I don’t think about happiness SIR.

From Alan: What would make you happy?

From Baby Dick: Being taller. Being a normal man. Having a larger dick SIR.

From Alan: Those are all very shallow things.

From Baby Dick: I keep telling you I’m boring SIR.

From Alan: Who told you that?

From Baby Dick: No one needs to tell you the truth SIR.

From Alan: Someone needs to tell you the truth. You’re a lot more complicated than you think – than you give yourself credit for.

From Baby Dick: I know my limits SIR.

From Alan: But what about your strengths?

From Baby Dick: I’m good at business SIR. I’ve only improved my family business.

From Alan: I’ll bet. By working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week.

From Baby Dick: No more than 15 hours SIR. I always get 8 hours of sleep. And I don’t really work in the evenings. I’m usually online, looking at guys.

From Alan: Is that your main way of meeting men?

From Baby Dick: I don’t really meet them SIR. I mostly look at porn.

From Alan: Have you ever had sex with men?

From Baby Dick: When I’m traveling on business SIR.

From Alan: That’s how you know to call men Sir.

From Baby Dick: I feel I should SIR. I just always have. I call women MA’AM.

From Alan: So it has nothing to do with what you do with guys.

From Baby Dick: Well, I can’t very well fuck SIR. Not with my tiny dick.

From Alan: Have you tried?

From Baby Dick: It doesn’t even stay hard SIR. And who wants to be fucked by a boy?

From Alan: Probably every other guy on line.

From Baby Dick: They’re perverts SIR.

From Alan: Again, you’re not giving yourself credit.

From Baby Dick: Again, I know my limits SIR.

From Alan: What do you like doing with men?

From Baby Dick: I like being treated like a man SIR. I like wearing boots and leather and smoking cigars and talking dirty.

From Alan: For example?

From Baby Dick: You’re a nosy fucking cocksucker SIR.

From Alan: In that case, you could leave off the Sir.

From Baby Dick: In that case you’re fucking asshole.

From Alan: That’s better. Go on.

From Baby Dick: And I can’t believe you’re fucking around on your wife dickhead.

From Alan: Aren’t you?

From Baby Dick: I’m a fucking asshole too.

From Alan: No, you’re just one of the guys. And if we were close and smoking cigars, I’d blow smoke in your face.

From Baby Dick: I’d fart in yours.

From Alan: Have you ever really done that?

From Baby Dick: I’ve fucking made guys drink piss.

From Alan: Yours?

From Baby Dick: I’ve pissed in their faggot mouths.

From Alan: Have you made them eat your come?

From Baby Dick: The scum don’t deserve my fucking come.

From Alan: Then why don’t you just fuck the assholes?

From Baby Dick: Because that would show my weaknesses SIR. I could never do that.

From Alan: You were doing so well without the Sirs.

From Baby Dick: It takes a lot of energy SIR. It’s so much easier just answering.

From Alan: Well, leave off the Sirs and just talk. Do you ever get to Cedar Rapids?

From Baby Dick: Never SIR. Sorry.

From Alan: You can backspace and delete the SIR.

From Baby Dick: I didn’t think of that soon enough.

From Alan: Do you ever get to this part of the state?

From Baby Dick: Sometimes the Quad Cities. But not very often.

From Alan: Where do you travel on business?

From Baby Dick: Chicago. Milwaukee. Kansas City. St. Louis.

From Alan: Lots of gay men in those places. Maybe fewer in Milwaukee.

From Baby Dick: St. Louis is my favorite.

From Alan: Why?

From Baby Dick: There’s still a little bit of the South there. The good manners.

From Alan: Maybe among gay men.

From Baby Dick: Maybe.

From Alan: Are there guys there you meet all the time?

From Baby Dick: There are a couple.

From Alan: Are they happy to see you?

From Baby Dick: They seem to be.

From Alan: Could you ever leave your wife and live with one of them?

From Baby Dick: It’s not that kind of friendship. And I told you I could never leave my family.

From Alan: Not even if it changed your life?

From Baby Dick: I’d miss so many things. I just couldn’t do it. I’d hate myself.

From Alan: And you don’t now?

From Baby Dick: I can’t answer that SIR

From Alan: Can’t?

From Baby Dick: I can’t change anything SIR. It wouldn’t be like me. We are what we are and we have to accept that.

From Alan: You’re not who you are.

From Baby Dick: Either are you.

From Alan: I’m exactly who I am. I’m a happily married guy who occasionally has sex with men.

From Baby Dick: That’s all I’m doing SIR.

From Alan: That’s all you’re doing without the Sir.

From Baby Dick: That’s all I’m doing.

From Alan: And that’s why I think you’re interesting. And you know you’re good-looking. Have you ever had any trouble getting a guy you wanted?

From Baby Dick: No.

From Alan: More than I can say. If you were closer, I’d meet you in a second.

From Baby Dick: Because I look like a boy?

From Alan: Because you’re a very good-looking man. And I’m a sucker for that.

From Baby Dick: That’s pretty shallow.

From Alan: I know that.

From Baby Dick: So you only want to have sex with me because I’m good looking?

From Alan: You’ve got a good body too.

From Baby Dick: You didn’t see my tiny dick.

From Alan: I don’t need to. The last thing that interests me about a man is his dick.

From Baby Dick: I can’t believe that.

From Alan: Because you probably don’t meet enough men. And the ones you see are all big-dicked porn stars.

From Baby Dick: The sites I like best are the ones with normal guys. And none of them have tiny dicks.

From Alan: Isn’t there a site for guys who think their dicks are small? There’s one for everything else.

From Baby Dick: I’ve never seen one.

From Alan: Have you looked?

From Baby Dick: I don’t need to look at tiny dicks.

From Alan: I wish you could fuck me.

From Baby Dick: You’d be disappointed.

From Alan: I’d like you to fuck me.

From Baby Dick: I don’t think I could.

From Alan: I’ll bet you could.

From Baby Dick: That would put me under too much pressure and I’d never be able to.

From Alan: I’d tie you down, get you hard, and sit on you.

From Baby Dick: I’d lose it.

From Alan: There are drugs that would keep you hard.

From Baby Dick: I don’t do drugs.

From Alan: By prescription?

From Baby Dick: I don’t do any kind of drugs besides medicine.

From Alan: Then think of this as medicine. Think of this as something a doctor prescribed. Get some and use it next time you’re with one of your friends in St. Louis.

From Baby Dick: They’d be too surprised.

From Alan: That would be great.

From Baby Dick: I’m not really sure.

From Alan: Then try.

From Baby Dick: Do you ever go to St. Louis?

From Alan: That’s another place I’ve never been.

From Baby Dick: Kansas City?

From Alan: I’ve flown through the airport on the way to Topeka.

From Baby Dick: What were you doing there?

From Alan: College friends.

From Baby Dick: Chicago?

From Alan: That’s a good possibility. But you’d have to have a hotel room some distance from the one I’d be staying in. I’m usually there for a conference.

From Baby Dick: What kind?

From Alan: Education.

From Baby Dick: I didn’t think you were in business. You sound like a teacher.

From Alan: It’s always obvious.

From Baby Dick: An asshole teacher.

From Alan: That’s the usual adjective.

From Baby Dick: I’d like to piss in your mouth, teach.

From Alan: That might be fun. I’ve never done that.

From Baby Dick: You’re not afraid?

From Alan: Because I’m an asshole teacher, I know that urine is sterile.

From Baby Dick: I’ve always wondered about that.

From Alan: So yeah, I’d let you piss in me. I’d let you piss on me. And you know I want you to fuck me.

From Baby Dick: You want my tiny dick up your big asshole?

From Alan: I want your normal dick in my tight hole.

From Baby Dick: Tight SIR?

From Alan: It’s always been tight. No matter how often I’m fucked. I’m lucky that way.

From Baby Dick: Like having a big dick.

From Alan: Like having a normal dick.

From Baby Dick: How big?

From Alan: I’ve never told anyone online.

From Baby Dick: I’m ordering you to, asshole.

From Alan: I’ve never measured it.

From Baby Dick: Everyone’s measure their dick, dickhead.

From Alan: Well, not since middle school.

From Baby Dick: How big was it then?

From Alan: About 5 inches.

From Baby Dick: Hard?

From Alan: No.

From Baby Dick: How long hard?

From Alan: Maybe 6 and a half.

From Baby Dick: Not much longer than mine.

From Alan: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.

From Baby Dick: And you’re 6' 1"

From Alan: Without my shoes.

From Baby Dick: And I’m 5' 4" and I always wear boots with 3 inch heels.

From Alan: And we have almost the same size dicks.

From Baby Dick: Maybe I could fuck you.

From Alan: I’m sure you could.

From Baby Dick: Maybe without drugs.

From Alan: I’d prefer that. I don’t want your face turning all red. I’d like to see it at its best.

From Baby Dick: Will you tell me the next time you’re in Chicago?

From Alan: I will.

From Baby Dick: I can almost always get away. That’s the best thing about having your own business.

From Alan: Does your whole family work for you?

From Baby Dick: We work together. It’s our business. But I keep things organized.

From Alan: I’ll bet you’re pretty good.

From Baby Dick: We haven’t lost money.

From Alan: I look forward to meeting you.

From Baby Dick: Next time you’re in Chicago.

From Alan: I look forward to that.

From Baby Dick: You should, queer.