The Cockney Canuck - 21. Chapter 21 My Friend Rory

I looked at the clock, it was two in the morning and I had slept for maybe half an hour. I had been woken up by some unusual sounds coming from Daniel's side of the room. Rapid, short breaths and a lot of fidgeting made me think at first that he was having some kind of nightmare and I was about to go over and wake him. I managed to work out what was going on before leaving my bed and embarrassing the both of us. I pulled the duvet over my head to muffle the sound and tried to sleep.

‘So Daniel does jerk off after all’.

I was beginning to worry about him because I hadn't seen any of the usual evidence to suggest that he was active in this way. No discarded tissues on the floor, adult magazines, or signs of any porn on his computer and I had never walked in on him doing anything even remotely naughty. I hadn't seen him with a boner, even first thing in the morning and he hardly ever talked about sex, other than in a joke. We had had serious discussions on almost every subject other than sex, girls, willies and wanking, which was unusual for two boys. In England, only football got as much airtime as those subjects and even before I knew Tom intimately, we rarely talked about anything else.

‘He’s a fourteen-year-old boy, what else would he be doing in bed at night, other than sleeping’?

It didn’t bother me. In fact, I was quite pleased to discover that Daniel was a normal, healthy, teenage boy and decided not to embarrass him by mentioning it. I already felt guilty for being in his room and taking away his privacy in the first place. Neither of us had many opportunities for any wrist exercises, so I didn’t blame him for having a go in the middle of the night, while I was asleep. I had done the same thing myself and had assumed that I had managed to get away with it. I don’t think that Daniel had been any noisier than I had been, and if I wasn't such a light sleeper, his activities would have gone undetected.

The novelty of sharing a room with a cute boy who liked to shed his clothes at the drop of a hat was wearing off and I no longer got excited every time he paraded around the room in just his boxers. I was getting used to seeing him with hardly anything on; it was the norm, at least in our room. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t still attracted to other boys and I knew that I would be drooling at the mere sight of Nathan’s bare arm, should this sleepover ever materialise. However, I was beginning to see Daniel in a different light than before. Somewhere along the line, he had crossed over into family, without me even noticing.

Nicola had taken only a few days to slip into the role of a domineering big sister and the adorable Amy, had adopted me as her older brother even before I had arrived. Daniel, being almost the same age, was taking a little longer, but I was finally to think of him more as a brother than a roommate. I looked at it as a work in progress, but my family life was improving.

It was Fran who had been keeping me awake, or rather what she had said to me at her house the previous day. I probably should have been excited after she had told me that she wanted us to have sex. I was sure that most boys would have been, but I knew that I wasn’t like most boys and I was worried now, in case I wasn’t able to perform. I had enjoyed making out with her, but feeling her tits had done nothing more than satisfy a curiosity and I realised that I had no idea how to pleasure a girl. I had joked about women’s G-spots, but in reality, I didn’t know what this was, where to find it, or what to do with it, if I did find it. From what little I had seen of a woman’s sexual organs, in a few porn flicks that I had been forced to watch, it all looked very messy down there and it wasn’t something that I found attractive at all. For me, it was like watching an operation and I would find myself looking away to avoid feeling sick. Judging by the looks on the faces of my friends at the time, who were all glued to the screen, this wasn’t a normal reaction for a heterosexual male.

‘I should have considered this before getting into a relationship with a girl. Maybe I should tell her how I feel before I embarrass myself. What would she say if I told her now that I didn’t want to have sex with her? She would be upset for sure; I told her that I love her. What was I thinking’?

I was fairly certain that I didn’t love her or vice versa, it would take much longer than a few weeks and a bit of heavy kissing, to fall in love with someone and I didn’t feel any different than I did before. In retrospect, I think that I may have loved Tom for a while, but not Fran.

I did like her though and I didn’t want to us to break up. She was a nice person and we were on the verge of becoming good friends. Besides, I actually liked the idea of having a girlfriend and all the benefits that went with it, like being able to kiss and hold hands in public. I thought that part was really cool, I also liked showing her off to my friends and family and hearing them say nice things about her. It made me feel good and boosted my ego. Fran was a likable girl; she was clever, confident and knew how to make the right impression.

We had probably reached the stage where sex was the next logical step forward and it was something that I wanted to do, but at the same time, I was scared in case it went wrong. If I didn’t have sex with her, then she would surely guess my secret and be in a position to out me to the whole school, not to mention Don and Sue. Even though I knew that this wasn’t likely, I was concerned about what would happen if we ever fell out. She would be able to use this against me and I would be forced to face my worst nightmare and come out while still at school, the one thing that I swore never to do.

I came to the conclusion that it was too late to back out, and I wasn’t sure that I even wanted to. I would play it by ear and see what happened. It was the easy option as usual, but it made sense to me to keep my options open.

‘Who knows, I may even enjoy it and live happily ever after with Fran’.

I believed that this was the fairy tale ending that was meant for me. I deserved to be happy after all the pain that I had gone through. It was my compensation for all those horrible days spent watching my mom die in that dreadful hospital ward. It had only been three months and those memories were still fresh in my mind, I still thought about her every single day and the pain never left me, I was just getting better at hiding it from others.

Other than my weekly Skype calls to Tom; I rarely thought about England anymore, I had no reason to. My life had changed completely since moving to Canada and the future looked brighter than it had ever done before. Yet still, I couldn’t sleep, my mind tormented and filled with problems that shouldn’t even exist. Dare I ever complain of being unhappy, then the family will have every reason to chastise me for it. I had had, after all, more opportunities placed in my lap than most boys of my age. They would use this against me, without understanding, because to them my life must have looked so rosy.

I was being spoilt by my new parents, living in a large, comfortable home with every conceivable form of entertainment and gadgetry at my fingertips. It was a lifestyle that I had very quickly become accustomed to, it’s not difficult to adapt to something that’s better than what you had before. They paid for everything and Don even gave me an allowance to spend on things that I didn’t really need. He paid for my phone, internet, clothing and school lunches; I couldn’t understand what the allowance was for because there was nothing left for me to buy. Besides, I still had my mom’s money in the current account that Don had opened for me, which I hadn't touched since leaving England. I didn’t need to think about money, I knew that I was financially secure. Education was more important and the bar had been raised considerably with Fran’s emergence on the scene. She was a grade A student and was convinced that I had the capability to be the same if I applied myself. I had heard this line a number of times before and this was usually where I tripped up. Applying myself wasn’t as easy as it sounds and I had never been able to do it successfully before meeting Fran. She knew how to apply herself and told me that I needed a kick up the backside every now and then and she would be the one to do it. Anything up the backside sounded good to me, so I did exactly what she said and worked as hard as I could.

After years of underachievement and low expectation, I found myself transposed into a serious, academic environment where test results mattered more than the football results. Fran was proving to be the driving force that I needed and since we had been dating, my grades had improved significantly. Stephenson was a good school, which certainly helped and there was less opportunity for me to hide or simply opt out of certain classes, as I had been doing. Don had told me that Mr Andrews and Mrs Whitcomb had both been following my progress closely, which was unnerving, to begin with; especially knowing that he was a close friend of the principle. It seemed as if I couldn’t sneeze without him finding out about it. However, the pressure seemed to ease a little, the moment they discovered that I was dating Fran as if they knew somehow that she would be able to keep me in line.

To say that Fran had met with Don and Sue’s approval, would be a massive understatement. They loved her because she fitted so perfectly into their perception of the ideal partner for me. It was as if they had personally selected her to be my fiancée and if they could have done so, they would have arranged for us to be married the moment we both turned sixteen. They continually heaped praise on her and told me how lucky I was to have found her as if she was some kind of precious stone that I had discovered washed up on the beach. It was over the top and put unnecessary pressure on our relationship.

It did, however, allow me a few extra privileges at home and it was clear that they were willing to bend their rules a little when it came to Fran. I could get home late; sometimes way beyond the usual curfew time and nobody would say a word. They also seemed prepared to overlook any minor behavioural problems that I had, as well as my now frequent arguments with Nicola, which were being fuelled in part, by their often-blatant double standards.

The common denominator in all of this was Fran. She had become more than just a girlfriend; she was my ticket to an easy life and was now central to everything that was starting to come good for me. I would have to be crazy to let her go. Not only was she clever, beautiful and rich with tons of sex appeal, but now she was about to offer herself exclusively to me, in the most intimate way possible. To top it off, she was a virgin and had chosen me to be her first lover and knowing Fran, it was going to be special, there was hardly a boy in Cobourg, who wouldn’t have paid handsomely to swap places with me.

How was it possible then, that I could have so much going for me and yet still feel so unfulfilled?

I knew the answer, but I wouldn’t admit to it. Not even to myself and not even with a ton of evidence to back it up, because by admitting to this, I was convinced that I would be throwing everything away.

* * * * *

I saw Fran again on Friday, the last day of the spring break. I had foolishly agreed to go shopping with her at the mall and soon regretted it when I realised that half of the students at the school, had also had the same idea. We managed to bump into most of the kids who were in our classes including the effervescent Rory. The moment that he spotted us, he came bounding over to me like an overexcited dog and I was almost expecting him to jump on me and start licking my face or humping my leg.

‘How hot would that be’?

It was the first time that I had seen him outside of the school grounds and he was noticeably different. He was dressed to impress, wearing a brand new, tight fitting, black leather jacket over a light yellow hoodie, which matched his hair colour and big white trainers. It was a definite break from his usual worn out, baggy school clothes and it suited him, making him look older than he was and a lot more sophisticated. It also made him look somewhat...gay. At least in my eyes and this was confusing for me, because I had only recently come to the conclusion that he was definitely straight. Maybe it was the snazzy leather jacket that did it, with all the extra zippers, studs, and bling, or the extra tight fitting jeans. Whatever it was worked for me and I was around him like a bee round a honey pot.

“Hey Robbie, Fran,” how’s it going?”

I ditched the pleasantries and went straight for the obvious. “You look good mate, what’s with all the new clobber?”

“Pardon?”

“Clothes.”

“Oh I thought that I needed a change of image,” he said.

“Well, it definitely suits you,” I said, “you look really cute.”

‘Did I just say that he was cute? Did it sound too gay’?

“Thanks,” he muttered, looking a little uncomfortable. I was sure that he was blushing at my compliment and he looked away from my stare.

“It’s okay Rory, he’s only joking?” said Fran, coming to my rescue.

‘No, I’m not and I think he knows it’.

“Are you here on your own,” I said, “or are you meeting somebody?”

“On my own,” he said. “Why?”

“I thought that you might be meeting some hot chick or something.”

He looked at me while nervously playing with one of the many zippers on his jacket. “No,” he said, “don’t be silly.”

“A hot boy then,” I said keeping a straight face. He didn’t answer, but his face turned crimson and he gave me a quick flash of his smile, as he looked me in the eye for as long as he dared. I couldn’t read his expression, but he may have been able to read mine as I mentally undressed him in the middle of the crowded mall.

‘Those lips look so gorgeous, please let him be Boy X’.

Fran had given me a disapproving look after my last comment and then turned her attention back to Rory. “You're a good looking boy, Rory. There are plenty of girls in school who would want to date you.”

“Nah, I’m not interested,” he said.

“In girls!” My head snapped around to face him, expecting a confession maybe.

“In dating,” he said, correcting me and keeping his dark brown eyes fixed on mine as if he knew what I was trying to lead him into. He had cleverly avoided all my traps and his answers hadn't told me anything at all. The jury was still out when it came down to Rory’s sexuality.

‘Much the same as me I suppose. I wonder if he’s going through the same kind of uncertainty. Maybe he’s bi-sexual’.

“How’s your leg dude?” he said, changing the subject.

“My leg?”

“What’s wrong with your leg?” asked Fran.

“Nothing as far as I know,” I said.

“He had cramp,” said Rory. “It’s usually in your leg right?”

“Oh yeah,” I laughed. “I had a bout of cramp in the week and Rory had to help me.” I couldn’t believe that I had phone sex with him without him knowing.

“I thought you said that you hadn't seen Rory,” said Fran.

“We were talking on the phone,” I said.

“You were able to help Robbie with cramp, over the phone?” she said to Rory.

He nodded, unsure of what to say, so I intervened. “It’s a kind of spiritual thing, Fran. You wouldn’t understand, being a Catholic.” I winked at Rory and Fran rolled her eyes at us.

“I understand bullshit when I hear it though,” she said.

I was pleased to let it go and was delighted when Rory accepted my offer to tag along with us for the rest of the afternoon.

“Are you sure you don’t mind,” he said. “I’d understand if you guys wanted to be alone. I don’t want to spoil your fun.”

“Fun!” I said, “We’re not having fun, we’re shopping and not even buying anything, which makes it even less fun.” Fran gave me a playful shove before reaching out to hold my hand and dragging me with her after spotting her friend Stacey. Rory kept up with us and had a cute smirk on his face when I looked at him. “It’s not funny,” I said.

“You're funny,” he said. “You make me laugh.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you do,” he said and he looked away, his cheeks bright red.

“Why are you blushing?” I asked.

“I’m not blushing,” he insisted but even he could see that it was pointless trying to deny it, his face was the colour of a tomato. “I think that I’m just hot.”

“So do I,” I said, before turning to say hello to Stacey.

There was something else that I noticed about Rory that day. He seemed to be a lot less reserved than he was at school and more relaxed and comfortable in conversation. Fran noticed it too. His new clothes may have given him a bit more confidence because he probably talked to me more in that one afternoon than he had done in all our previous conversations combined. I must admit, I quite liked this version of Rory, it suited him being more self-assertive and it was a huge turn on for me as well.

‘Maybe I was too quick to judge him in the week, just because he didn’t pick up on my innuendos. On today’s performance alone, he’s going back on my short list of suspects’.

“Do you think that Rory might be gay?” I asked Fran as we lined up for hamburgers in the food hall.

“It’s possible,” she replied. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“Yeah right, like he’s gonna just out himself to me, he’ll deny it.”

“Is it important for you to know this?”

‘It’s absolutely vital’.

“No it’s not important,” I said, “I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“Why, are you scared in case he likes you?” she said, putting her arms around my waist.

“No, are you?” I teased.

She laughed and kissed me. “That’s a clever answer, but I can’t think of any reason why I should be scared unless there’s something that you're not telling me.” She leaned in for another quick kiss. “Is there something that you're not telling me?”

“I’m not telling you,” I said and we left it at that.

While Fran and I got the food, Rory had been talking with Stacey and she actually seemed to be enjoying the conversation. I sat on the other side of him and prepared myself to battle her for Rory’s attention. Maybe it was my imagination, but I was certain that Rory was watching me a lot more than usual that day and he was definitely giving off some serious vibes. There were also quite a few of those sexy little boyish smiles aimed at me and he had been blushing almost non-stop.

“We should hang out more often,” I said to Rory. He was shoving a handful of French fries in his mouth at the time but I think his answer was a positive one.

“I asked you before, but you're always too busy,” he said after washing his food down with a mouthful of fizzy drink.

“Oh, well I’m not too busy to spend time with a friend.”

Rory looked at me suspiciously, as if he was trying to work out my angle. I wanted to confront him and ask him outright if he was responsible for the notes in my locker, but I couldn’t think of an easy way of doing it.

“Rory, you know I you ever had something to tell me, then you can just talk to me. You know that right. No matter what it is, I’ll be cool with it okay.”

“What are you talking about?” he said.

“Do you like me?” I think that I had caught him off guard, because for the first time that day, he was stumbling over his words and looked panicked.

“Of course I like you dude, you’re my friend.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I said boldly, certain now that I was on the right track.

Rory was staring down at his shoes and refusing to make eye contact with me; he was embarrassed and had gone back into his shell.

“I like you, Rory,” I said trying to meet his eyes before he gave in and looked up at me. I could almost see his brain working, trying to figure me out. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“If you want, I guess,” he said.

I was focussing on those delicious lips of his and wondering what they would taste like if I ever got the opportunity to be intimate with him.

‘Why don’t I just cut through all the crap and the silly love notes and kiss him now, full on the lips, in the middle of the mall, in front of Fran, Stacey and almost every other teenager in Cobourg. With any luck, the CCTV footage will be on You Tube within the hour and Nicola can even send a link to Don and Sue’.

I wanted to ask him if he wanted to meet up with me over the weekend, so we could talk without any interruptions, but we were interrupted and I had to think quickly. I had “Would you like to...” I could see Fran turning towards us and I froze. “...finish off my fries,” I said. Rory looked at me as if I had gone completely crackers before politely turning down my offer to eat my left over, ketchup covered chips. I was going to explain to him later, but he told me that he was going away for the weekend to visit family, so I didn’t bother.

I would have plenty of time to talk to him the following week at school, who knows maybe he’ll post me another note on Monday and own up to the Boy X charade. I was now certain that it was Rory. That afternoon had clinched it for me. It was almost stupidly obvious and I wondered how it had taken me so long to reach that conclusion.

That weekend I went back into full-time masturbation mode for the first time since I had moved into Tom’s house and it was all Rory’s fault. I was so horny over him that I didn’t have much choice in the matter; it was either wank myself silly or walk around all day with a raging hard-on in my pants. Nicola would have noticed it straight away and used it to make fun of me for the rest of my life, so I chose the first option.

* * * * *

I was trembling as I opened my locker on Monday morning, certain that there would be another note waiting for me. I had run upstairs as quick as I could after leaving the bus in the hope of maybe catching him red handed or even hanging around nearby, but when I burst into the corridor, it was empty, with no sign of Rory.

Then as I opened the locker door there it was, waiting for me as I had expected, with the same handwriting and written on the same paper as the previous two, even the folds were the same. I put it in my pocket just as Fran and Laura appeared behind me.

“Hi Robbie, I need to talk to you about our trip to the cottage,” she said, but I was backing away and desperate to read the contents of the note from Boy X before the lessons started.

“Sorry Fran, but I need to use the toilet,” I said as I made a dash towards the washrooms opposite our homeroom. She shook her head and I heard her laughing with Laura as I disappeared into the boy’s room and the first cubicle, locking the door behind me. Fran’s news could wait until lunchtime but not this; I had to read it straight away.

“Hi Robbie

It’s your secret admirer again. I’m sure now that you want to do stuff with me. I think that like me, you're bisexual and you're probably longing to do it with a boy. My dick is hard and I’m desperate for you to play with it. I’m ready to reveal to you who I am, but first I need to see a clear signal from you to know that you're up for this. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that you were wearing a t-shirt with the British flag on it.

If you wear that same t-shirt to school on Thursday and only on Thursday, then you will be telling me that you're interested and you want my dick like I want yours. The next day, I will put another note in your locker with a phone number on it. Send a text message to that number and I will text you back with my name. Then it will be your decision if you want to take it any further. If you don’t wear it then I will leave you alone and you’ll never receive another note from me. It’s your choice!

Love from Boy X.”

I folded the note and nervously put it back in my pocket before heading to class, my whole body tingling with excitement. I was the last kid to walk through the door and Mrs Reigor gave me a look that told me to hurry. I kept my head down knowing that the boy who wrote that note was one of the boys watching me as I made my way to my usual seat.

My decision was already made, and I was pretty sure that the t-shirt that he was referring to was in my drawer at home, clean and ready to be worn.

‘How does he manage to post these notes without anyone seeing him? He must get to school ridiculously early before the school buses arrived. Whoever it is, obviously doesn't catch the bus and the only kids that don’t take the bus are the ones that live nearby. They walk to school, which means that they can get there as early as they want. Why didn’t I think of this before’?

The only boy in my homeroom who walked to school every day was Rory, who lived just one block away.

* * * * *

At lunchtime, I got my food and went to sit next to my official girlfriend who was sitting with Laura and her other friend Stacey.

“Sorry about this morning,” I said. “I can talk now.”

“That’s okay sweetie, I could see you were in a bit of a rush.” She turned towards Laura and laughed.

‘What is it that they find so funny about me running to the toilet’?

“Was it something that you ate?” she giggled.

‘No it was just a message that I needed to read from a boy in class who wants to secretly have sex with me’.

“I would like to tell you the truth Fran, but you wouldn’t believe me,” I said.

“Quit fooling around,” she said, “I’ve got some news for you.”

“Go on.”

“It’s about next weekend.”

“Has it been cancelled?” I asked.

“No silly, but there’s been a change of plan. Obviously, we’re not all gonna fit into my dad’s car with our bags and stuff as well, so my mom and dad are going up to the cottage on Thursday and we're gonna get a lift with Philippe and Marie the next day.”

“So we’re only going to be away for two nights now?” I said.

“That’s up to you,” she said, and I could see her exchanging smiles with her friends. “Philippe has to work on Thursday night and he won’t be home until late, so if you want to come round in the evening, then we’ll have the whole house to ourselves. I was thinking that maybe we could make it special. If you want to that is.” She took my hands and held them in her lap rubbing them between hers.

“How special,” I asked.

Fran leaned towards me until we were only a couple of inches apart. “Very special,” she whispered, but I had a feeling that her friends already knew about it.

I nodded. “Okay Fran, if you're sure that’s what you want.”

“Yes Robbie, I’m sure,” she said and smiled at me. “Don’t look so scared, it’s supposed to be fun you know.”

I forced a smile and blushed when I saw Laura and Stacey watching us.

“If you want, I can cook us a meal and we can maybe watch a movie together. Oh and you won’t have to go home either,” she said, whispering again. “We’ll leave for the cottage from my house.” She leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I think that we both knew what was on the menu for that night and I was sure that we had just made arrangements to have sex.