Tales of the Underground: Blinded - 37. All of the Lights

The whole ride there all I could think about was what to do, what to say…how to give that court no option but to leave Tak with us. That kid…that could’ve been me…what if the James’ found me before I made it to the Saints? Would I still be so angry? So destructive? Would trouble follow me the way it does? Or have I always been this way?

As we approached the courthouse I was relieved to see a familiar older man standing in front of the courthouse. I couldn’t help but run up the stairs and give him a hug, remembering to be light because of his age “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, shocked to see him out of the house.

He lightly shrugged and smiled “It’s a hard day for the family…we need all hands on deck.” He smiled, leaning hard on his cane “I wanted to go yesterday too, but Lucy was worried it would be too much…she’s such a worrier.”

I couldn’t help but smile as we introduced him to Tak…to his newest grandson. Hell he even got to meet Carter. Fuck the Averys for making this be how everyone meets, fuck them for jumping on us…for trying to ruin the family we’re building.

As we got closer to the start of the session Grandpa waived me over and Lucy away. “What’s going on with you? You look so worried.” He observed, taking a good look at me.

I shook my head and thought everything over “I am worried.” I confessed “I mean what if I can’t do this? What if I screw up? What if they take Tak away?”

“Why wouldn’t Riley Walker be able to do this?” he laughed with a big smile “After what you did 2 weeks ago…you damn near killed me, but damn if it wasn’t brave. I’m pretty sure you can do anything you set your heart to.”

“But was it brave?” I shook, still doubting myself “I’m not brave…no one taught me how to be. I’ve only been taught how to fuck things up…how to be violent.”

My grandpa reached over and lightly poked me in the chest “You’re not taught to be brave…” he began, holding his finger over my heart “It’s something that you’re born with…and you…you’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever known…that says a lot.” He nodded, looking into my eyes “You rescued a kid that tried to drag you back to a gang that probably would’ve killed you. I think you can handle some judge.”

I nodded and carefully though it all over, until finally the judge walked in, and told us to get to our seats. The only difference between yesterday and today was that instead of being in the crowd, I was sitting at the long tables with a microphone jammed in my face…but as far as I was concerned, there was still a monster sitting across the room from me.

As Owen walked into the court room I could feel the shock come from Aaron and Carter. He hasn’t been coming to school since he came home…I don’t even think he’s left the house. Thick deep scars covered his face from where I cut into him, permanently leaving a mark he can never run from.

“You did that?” Walter whispered, from next to me. I took a deep breath and slowly nodded my head, hoping Carter didn’t overhear.

The start to the case seemed to drag on as Mr. Kemp argued my case, argued that I was just trying to keep us alive. That I came to his rescue, not the other way around. Meanwhile the prosecution tried to paint a picture of a golden child ruined by a rogue exgang member. Finally it came time for me to take the stand, to stand up for myself, while Owen looked on, too scared to take the stand himself.

“So Mr. Walker, you just keep finding yourself in court this week.” The prosecutor began, slowly pacing in front of me.

“Objection” I shot out, not quite sure what I was doing

“Arguementative” Mr. Kemp let out, before I could say the wrong thing.

“Sustained” the judge nodded, eyeing down the prosecutor “Ask what you need to. I’m not interested in all the drama.”

“Well Mr. Walker, let’s begin with all the charges that were brought against you in July of last year…”

“What charges?” I stubbornly shrugged “My records as clean as a whistle.”

“So that’s how you’ll be playing this.” He nodded “Pretend that you weren’t charged guilty of various aggressive crimes?”

“The court ruled to give me a second chance…unless you don’t respect the decisions courts make?” I poked, already irritated by the lawyer’s crap.

“There’s the infamous attitude of Cy Walker.” The lawyer let out, still pacing “Regardless of the old charges you refuse to acknowledge, isn’t it true you started a fight with Owen Avery just a few months ago?”

“Started?” I repeated with a shake of my head “No. Ended? Yes. When you tell two adopted kids that their adoptive parents aren’t their parents…you get animated reactions.”

“So you admit to hitting Owen?” the lawyer let out.

“Yes” I acknowledged

“Then let it show that the anger, the violence…it hasn’t left this young man. It’s still right there at the surface.” The lawyer explained “a few words are no reason to hit someone. And you couldn’t help yourself, and when you found Owen tied up in your old hangout spot, with a knife in your hands… you didn’t hesitate, did you?”

“Knife in my hand with a gun to my head.” I corrected with a snarl “and I did. I told Ro Martinez that there was no point to it…that it was senseless violence, but thanks to that, I got this fancy new scar.” I fought back, pointing to a new mark on my face “So yeah, I had to carve up Owen, but it was the only way for us both to survive.”

“Was it?” the lawyer shook “Or could you have worked with police? Could you have just waited a few hours for police to arrive and work out a plan to assure his safe return?” I went to speak but the lawyer waived his hand, feeling that he already made his case.

“Riley Walker” Mr. Kemp proudly let out, standing up “It wasn’t that long ago that we stood in a room down the hall petitioning for your adoption, and in a few weeks I plan on doing the same with your younger brother Takbir…the child you rescued from the saints in addition to Owen.”

“Enough of the dramatics Joshua.” The judge groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Mr. Walker, did you have to go to the Saints 2 weeks ago?” he asked, jumping right into it.

“No” I shook “I coulda stayed home…coulda let the cops try and handle it…but if I did that they woulda killed Owen and found another way to get me.”

“So then you’re saying if you didn’t react the way you did, Owen Avery would be dead right now?” Kemp continued, looking towards the judge.

“Objection! Leading the witness.” The defending lawyer barked.

“Sustained.” The judge shook, already hearing the point she needed to.

“Did you want to go back to the saints Riley?” Kemp continued, unphased by the objection.

“No” I dismissed without hesitation “I would’ve done anything in my power to have stayed away for the rest of my life…I never wanted to see them again.”

“And it’s true you’ve suffered symptoms similar to PTSD before your return, and are experiencing them even worse now after?”

“Yeah” I reluctantly nodded.

“Was there ever a point you could’ve left the saints without rescuing Owen Avery?” Mr. Kemp questioned, quickly running through his points.

“Yeah…about a thousand different times” I confessed “But on my first night back…after we both got beaten to hell…he asked me not to let him die.” I shook reflecting on the pain we were both in that night “I knew then that I couldn go without at least tryin to save him.”

“Your honor” Mr. Kemp moved on, satisfied with his questions “Why in the world would my client go back to an abusive gang to save someone he hated?” he poked, looking towards me “Look at the scars that cover him, and the dried blood that’s on his face, those old ones came from Ro Martinez, and that new blood? Still Ro Martinez, who viciously attacked him in this very room in front of a room full of people. I would hate to know what that man did to Riley Walker behind closed doors.” Mr. Kemp exhaled “But regardless Riley put his life in danger to save a boy who went to Ro Martinez hoping to drag Riley back to hell. Why in the hell should he be punished for that?”

“Owen Avery” The judge called waving Mr. Kemp back to the bench “Keep in mind you don’t have to answer any questions, but it will reflect poorly on your case. Did you go to the Saints in hopes that you could help them kidnap Riley Walker?” Owen stood up but didn’t speak. “Okay.” The judge exhaled motioning for me to return to my seat “Brock Avery, why are you pursing to take away the James families’ right to foster and adopt?”

Brock stood up and stared me down “Does it even have to be asked?” he shook with anger “Look at what they bought back the first time! Look at what he did to my son! Now they’re trying to bring back another one?! I don’t even want to find out the hell that one can reign down upon the Northside , god knows he’s from the right religion to be violent.” I went to stand up against the xenophobic shot at my younger brother, but Walter grabbed onto me knowing that those words damaged him without anyone having to say anything. “The Northside should be thanking me for this!”

The judge raised her eyebrows shaking off the comments and turned back to me “Mr. Walker, is there anything you want to say in your defense?”

I stood up and turned towards the prosecution table “Despite everything that’s happening…despite you trying to rip my brother away form us…I don’t regret saving you. Even if you take away my brother, and believe me I’ll find a way to get him back, I still won’t regret saving you.” I nodded, taking the high road for the first time in my life “Look…” I began turning back to the judge “Me and Takbir dragged Owen up fire escapes and helped him jump from rooftop to rooftop, all while knowing we could be caught any second.” I explained, keeping eye contact with the judge “At any second we could’ve left him behind. Me and Tak were climbers for the gang, we could’ve made that trip in under 5 minutes, but with Owen dragging us down it took us double that time…putting us at even more risk. Why would I have saved him if I wanted to hurt him?”

“Because you’re smarter than you let on!” Brock interrupted with venom “You’re evil and malicious. You knew exactly how to make yourself look innocent…after all weren’t you’re a lieutenant in the saints? Didn’t you understand organized crime and how to…”

“Enough” Owen finally spoke up, taking a stand “I…I didn’t want to charge Riley…” he exhaled, finally coming clean “he saved me…but my dad…he can’t see that. He…”

“Owen!” Brock shouted turning towards his son “Are you scared of Riley? Did he threaten you…”

“Enough!” the judge yelped, slamming her gavel down “All of you get the hell out of my courtroom! What a waste of time and money! Owen Avery, be grateful that Mr. Walker found it in his heart to help you. Brock Avery, curb your prejudice, it’s not a good look on anyone. Riley Walker…stay out of the courtroom for a while.”

I quickly nodded, as a huge weight fell off my shoulders. What a waste of time…what a stupid case! That judge knew it was bullshit from the beginning! But still…it was nice to see Owen stand up…for him to finally tell the truth. As he walked out of the court room I smiled and nodded to him…I wasn’t lying on…I don’t regret saving him…not for one second.

That night we celebrated more than we ever had before. We celebrated Ro Martinez being locked up, me being home, Takbir joining the family…just…everything! As it all calmed down I found my grandpa alone, thinking everything over.

“What up with you?” I smiled, sitting across from him “Too old to party?”

He let out a small laugh and shook his head “Young man I’ve partied like you’ve never seen before! But todays not a day for parties.”

“No?” I poked, not understanding.

“No” he repeated “It’s a day to be grateful…it’s a day to look around and be thankful for all you have.” He explained “I thought the day your father was born would be the happiest day of my life…but it turns out sitting here…watching him bring his own family together…this is the happiest day of my life.” He smiled, taking another long look at me “If there’s anything you ever remember about me…remember this lesson. Water always find’s it’s level.” He began with the shake of his hand “It’s true that no matter how good things are, well you’ll get brought back to earth…but no matter how bad things get…good will always come around to balance it out.” He nodded, hoping I was listening “A few weeks ago, things looked really dark…we thought for sure you would die in the Southside, and then you started getting sued…but good balanced it out…and now you have a younger brother to show for it.”

I smiled and nodded my head, fully understanding another important lesson from my grandfather “You really thought I wasn’t going to make it back?”

“Hey, I never doubted you!” he laughed, leaning back “but all of these people…they’re such worriers!” I nodded with a smile once more “And I don’t doubt you tomorrow when I’ll be watching you from the stands.”

“You’re coming?” I poked in shock.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He nodded with confidence “Show me what you can do.”

“I thought basketball wasn’t a real man’s sport?” I teased with a big grin.

“It’s not” he joked in a laugh “But that doesn’t mean I won’t be there for my grandson.”

I thankfully nodded, and enjoyed the rest of the night with my parents, my brothers, Carter, and my grandparents. I didn’t feel whole, but I was happy…that is until that morning, when water found it’s level once more.

“What?” I forced out as Nancy’s words seemed to ring out in my ears.

I looked to Walter in shock, but he was too upset to manage any words “Grandpa passed away in his sleep last night” Nancy repeated, this time in even more emotional breaths.

Aaron grabbed onto me, and brought me in, knowing what grandpa meant to me…what he meant to both of us. Pretty soon I felt the thin arms of my younger brother wrap around me as emotions began to run loose…it’s not fair! I had so much left to learn…so much to gain! He was in fine health…he was fine! How could this happen?! Everything…it was all just coming together…why?

“It was painless…” Nancy continued trying to comfort me “He left us happy. He had one last good night with his family…sometimes that’s all we can hope for.”

I stood up, shaking Tak and Aaron off of me, and went to scream something…anything…but before I could Walter reached out and pulled me in. “It’ll be okay” he let out trying to keep it together “He was so proud of you…he was so proud to have you as a grandson.”

“Why?” I forced out, trying my hardest not to let the tears show “Why’d it have to happen? I wanted him to watch me…I wanted him to see me play…I wanted…”

“He’ll still be watching” Walter comforted, lightly rubbing my back “He’ll just be above you tonight.”

“Well…” Nancy began “That’s if he’s okay with…”

“Oh he’s playing” Walter insisted, as our hug broke and he held me at a distance “What would grandpa tell you?”

“To be brave” I nodded “To win tonight.”

“Then that’s what you’ll do.” Walter reassured with another nod.

Before I knew it I was on that home court. Black jersey and jordans on, except tonight I wore something new…a silver dog tag around my neck. A reminder of who I was playing for…of who I wanted to become. Nancy had let the team know, and they did their best to comfort me…but tonight I wasn’t in the mood to talk…I was in the mood to play.

The second those lights hit me…the second the ball flew in the air for tip off…well you better know where my head was. I flew that night like I never had before. Every shot felt like an angel was up there making sure they were going in. Every move was precise and powerful…I played with emotion, and I wasn’t afraid to let it show.

I started to get friendly jeers from the bench for being a ball hog…but I wanted the ball in my hands all game…I wanted this to be mine…I wanted to be the one to bring this home. Normally in basketball that fails terribly…normally you wind up shooting yourself into a hole you can’t get out of…but when you play with the emotions I had…well you’re unstoppable no matter what you do. I took down men half my size, and did it without thinking twice. Every now and again I would dish it out to Carter, or one of the guys…but I did my best to make a point…that just like the past two days, nothing was going to stop me.

As the last second began to pass by, I felt the ball bounce up and down off my hands. I felt tension begin to build in the crowd as our victory was guaranteed. I felt emotion begin to erupt off the bench…and as the last buzzer sounded I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I slowly fell to my knees and let my emotions finally explode out of me. I grabbed onto my dog tag tightly, and shook my head making sure my grandfather knew this one was for him…that he was the one fueling me tonight.

Carter gave me a few seconds before grabbing onto me and pulling me up into a hug. I held him tightly as a few more tears fell from my eyes, before finally he pushed me away slightly to wipe them from my face. I nodded my head as the joy of winning began to overtake the pain of my loss. Before I knew it I grabbed onto carter and landed a kiss on his lips…right there, in front of everyone. I felt the air suck out of the gym as everyone focused in on us…but for the first time since I met him, I wasn’t ashamed. Fuck it…let them stare…let them know…I have everything I’ll ever need.

Carter nervously giggled as we finally broke away “Well that’s one way to tell everyone.”

I shrugged as the crowd once more returned to excitement, our kiss not bothering them in the least. We spent a few more minutes celebrating as a team before I finally walked up to my family.

“So me and Carter…we’re…” I began, but Nancy grabbed me and pulled me into a hug before I could finish.

“We already know” she interrupted “We’ll talk about that later, but tonight! Oh my God!” she exclaimed with excitement “I had no idea you could even play like that!”

“Neither did I” I giggled, turning towards Walter “It was grandma” I nodded “I could feel him with me.”

Walter nodded his head and once more embraced me “I know” he nodded “He would be so proud…he is so proud.”

“So you like boys?” Tak poked, as I broke away from our father “Like you want to date them?”

“Yes Tak” I shrugged looking at him “I know that’s different from how we were raised on the streets, but it is what it is.”

“Mhm” Nancy supported “It’s never a crime to love anyone.” She explained, hoping the lesson would sink in with Tak.

“Okay” he nodded with a smile in true Tak fashion “Go be with your boyfriend then!”

Tak didn’t have to tell me twice. As I ran back on the court and celebrated with my team. It all felt good, it all felt real. Yet as the days passed, as the celebrations turned to a wake and a funeral...I couldn’t help but let reality sink in. My nightmares only got worse, and despite Ro being behind bars…well the idea of him still scared me shitless.

“Dad” I let out, a week later as things finally calmed down “I uhm…” my foot began to shake as I thought over my next few words “I want to go to a rehab center for PTSD.”

He nodded his head, feeling that this was coming “Okay we’ll set one up…”

“No” I interrupted, knowing he didn’t understand what I was trying to say “I mean like go away to one.”

“Oh” he exhaled, looking at me “Like live at one for a while.”

“Yeah” I nervously nodded “I need to leave Chicago for a while…I need to get my head straight.”

He somberly bit on his lip thinking about it all “You have a place in mind don’t you”

“It’s in Michigan…it specializes in addiction and mental disorders…They can take me whenever.” I sighed, looking up at him.

“You want to go tonight?” he asked, not quite understanding.

“Tomorrow morning” I shook “I think I should stay there for a month or two…just until my body knows I’m safe.”

“Okay” he accepted, but I could tell it was hard for him to hear “let’s go tell your mom.”

“Can you?” I nervously poked, not sure I had the strength.

“No” he let out “That’s something you have to do.”

I nodded accepting the truth, as we both headed upstairs and into her room. “Mom” I forced out looking at her “I have to leave for a while.”

“Oh yeah?” she smiled, figuring it was a joke “And where are you going?”

“Michigan.” I answered, anxiously sitting next to her on the bed.

“What’s in Michigan?” she gently laughed, rubbing her hand on my back.

“Rehab.” I exhaled as she finally realized I was being serious “I need to go for PTSD…I need to leave Chicago for a while. “

She looked from me to Walter, desperately trying to get a grip over my words “What?” she forced out.

“We both knew this was coming” Walter spoke looking at his wife “We have to accept that this is best for him. We have to let him try this…it’s just two months…we can fly out every weekend…if that’s okay with you.” He poked turning towards me.

I thought it over and nodded my head “Can it be just you two for a while? Then once I’m sure I’m settled Aaron and Tak can come too.”

“Of course. Walter accepted, embracing me. I couldn’t help but let tears fall as they both pulled me in…who would’ve guessed I would find a family like this? Who would’ve guessed I would’ve gotten my happy ending. That night we called in Tak and Aaron and explained it to them. There were tears at first, but I could tell they understood…that they got it.

The next morning we packed me up, and stopped by Carter’s house on the way to the airport. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him over text or call. As I nervously rang the doorbell I felt my heart sink to my chest. “Hey!” Carter shouted, giving me a quick kiss on the lips “Why didn’t you tell me you were stopping by? I would’ve gotten changed! Come in!”

“No” I shook, hugging him tightly “I’m leaving.”

“What?” he laughed, having the same reaction as Nancy.

“I’m going to Michigan.” I explained still holding him tightly “I need to go to rehab for PTSD…I can’t sleep at night…I can’t even close my eyes without being terrified…I’m scared its going to start changing how I act…I can’t live like this.”

I felt tears begin to hit the back of my neck as he realized what it meant “How long will you be gone?”

“2 months” I answered, holding him close “I don’t…”

“I can come visit…it won’t be that long” he let out, trying to keep his emotions under control “I can…”

“I don’t want visitors” I interrupted not letting him go “Only my parents…maybe at some point you can…but I need to do this right…I need to be alone for a while.”

“Can I write to you?” he poked, trying to take it all in.

“Yeah” I forced out “But I…you should move on.” I exhaled shaking my head “2 months is a long time, and there no guarantee that I’ll…”

“Riley no!” he insisted, as tears began to fall faster

“What If I’m never the sa…”

“Riley! I’m not hearing it!” he yelped “I’ll never leave you…no matter what.”

As we broke away and I looked into his eyes I could tell he wasn’t lying “I love you Carter.”

“I love you too” he exclaimed, pulling me in one last time.

“Don’t let this hurt you.” I pleaded “Your dad said when I went back to the Saints you wouldn’t leave your room…don’t do that again…I’ll be safe…I’ll just be over the lake.”

“I wont” he exhaled, as our foreheads met one another “Just come back in time for summer ball…I need a point guard.”

“I knew that’s the only reason you put up with me” I teased enjoying just being there with him.

We held each other for a few more minutes until finally I had to go. As we pulled away from the house I looked back at the teen on the porch and knew his words weren’t empty. I knew he would be waiting there when I came back…I knew that our love would never fade.