The Cockney Canuck - 157. Chapter 157 The Good Friday Plan

The hour had gone forward to summertime, the days were getting longer, and even baseball was back on television, but in Southern Ontario, it still felt like winter. So far, spring had been little more than a series of false alarms and the week leading up to Easter brought more rain and cold winds.

They weren't ideal conditions to be out on the lake, and now I no longer needed to talk to Matthew; I was starting to regret my decision to go sailing with his father. Spending a day on a boat with a bunch of homophobic church kids was not an attractive proposition, but cancelling was easier said than done. The pastor was determined to get me on board, and he used Don as his enforcer.

My adopted father had been quite vociferous after learning of Stephanie's decision not to involve me in her child's future. His ridiculous efforts to pair us off in some kind of shotgun wedding had predictably ended in failure, and, apparently, it was all my fault. He blamed me for not showing enough interest in her unborn child and accused me of shirking responsibility.

Contrary to what he believed, I considered my actions honourable and supportive. I wasn't running away or ignoring the issue but went to Stephanie's house prepared to make commitments. Don's devious plans were scuttled by his own sanctimonious attempts to interfere in other people's lives. If he had bothered to find out the truth before trying to peddle his twisted misconceptions, he wouldn't have made such a complete fool of himself, but that was probably asking too much. Having seen the way he operates, maybe Stephanie didn't like the idea of Don being the grandfather of her child, and who could blame her.

I was still smarting from his criticism when I arrived home from school on Wednesday. He was working in his study and came out to remind me about the sailing trip at the weekend.

"The pastor called earlier. You need to meet him at nine o'clock on Saturday. I can give you a ride if you want."

I groaned as I dropped my backpack in the hall and walked past him to the stairs. "I’ve changed my mind. There’s something I have to do that’s really important.”

Don wasn’t impressed. “It’s too late, Robbie. You can’t let him down now. Someone’s had to drop out to make room for you. I thought you wanted to go.”

I stopped at the top of the stairs and glared at him, but I knew there was nothing I could say that he would accept as a worthy excuse. The Conner lie was beginning to wear thin, and I didn’t want to give him a reason to call my ex-boyfriend.

“But I won’t know anyone there.”

“Daniel’s going.”

“He is?” I turned to look at my brother, who froze in panic when he heard his name.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” said Don. “You want to learn how to sail, don’t you?”

“Yes, but ….”

“No buts. I’ve told the pastor you’ll both be there at nine, ready for duty. You’ll have a great time. I was going to go too, but I have to work this weekend.” He smiled before retreating into his office, leaving Daniel staring at the closed door.

“Looks like you’ve been pressganged,” I said as my brother followed me downstairs. He was annoyed, but it made me feel slightly better knowing I wasn’t going on my own and thankful that Don couldn’t tag along.

“I already told him I didn’t want to go,” said Daniel.

I turned to him with a wry smile. “If I have to go, then so do you. At least I’ll have someone to pick on if I get pissed off.”

“Shutup, jerk.” He pushed me into the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind him. “What did he mean by ready for duty?”

I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. “It means we’re gonna have to work and obey orders like they do in the navy. I heard the pastor runs a tight ship, and anyone who steps outta line is tied to the yardarm and flogged.”

“You’ll be okay then; you probably like that kinda thing,” he laughed and then ducked as I threw my pillow at him.

“Why else would I be going?”

“I dunno. I thought Matthew talked you into it.”

I sat up and pulled a face at my brother. “Matthew? What’s he got to do with it?”

“He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“No! He doesn’t even like me.”

“You could’ve fooled me. You guys are always talking lately. That’s why he went with you to get the beer the other day. You didn’t need his help, and you were gone for ages.”

Daniel was smarter than he looked. Not much escaped his attention, and considering how much I opposed Don’s church, it must have looked suspicious.

“Okay, you got me. We’re lovers. You know I can’t resist a preacher’s son.”

Daniel threw my pillow back at me. “That’s not what I meant, dork! But you’re up to something, I know it.”

I wished I could have told Daniel the real reason I was suddenly paying attention to a boy I had previously only ever ridiculed, if only to get another opinion. I needed someone to tell me I was doing the right thing.

I knew if it were Jo, she would have informed the police, no matter how much Matthew pleaded with her to keep his secret. That was the law, and it was there to protect kids like him from monsters like Symmonds. By not telling anyone, I was doing the exact opposite of what Jo would have done and allowing the evil counsellor to evade punishment. I felt sorry for Matthew, but I also hated him for putting me in that position in the first place.

*     *     *

As far as I was concerned, the only thing I managed to sort out during my visit to Stephanie’s house was a temporary truce with her brother. After a long and candid chat in his bedroom, David was willing to forgive me for getting his sister up the duff and wanted us to remain friends—a move seemingly orchestrated by Stephanie. I needed all the friends I could get, but it was difficult for me to see how this could work in the future, especially after the baby was born.

I decided to play it by ear, and by Thursday, we were sharing a table again in the school cafeteria. He was with his girlfriend, Fran, and I was in heaven—sandwiched between my ever-dependable best buddy, Rory, and a much healthier looking Nathan.

It was the day before Good Friday, and we were discussing our plans for the four-day Easter break. As expected, my boyfriend wasn’t impressed when I mentioned the sailing trip on Saturday with the pastor. He didn’t trust anyone connected with Don’s church and couldn’t understand why I would want to get on a boat with a preacher who was openly opposed to same-sex relationships. I had to admit Nathan had legitimate concerns, and even Fran thought it was odd.

“I’m surprised they invited you,” she said.

“Do they know you’re gay?” asked David.

“Of course,” said Nathan. “Don goes to the same church; it’s a cult, and they’re all mad.” He pointed to his temple and pulled a funny face, making everyone laugh.

“I’m only going so I can learn how to sail.”

Nathan wasn’t convinced. “He invited you because he thinks he can convert you into the straight world. He sees you as an easy target.”

“It’s not like you haven’t given him anything to work with,” said Fran. She grinned at me from across the table, then apologised after a disapproving stare from David. We had agreed not to mention Stephanie’s predicament at school, but he must have forgotten to tell his girlfriend.

“Well, if they do manage to convert you,” said David. “You're not getting Fran back.”

‘Thank fuck for that.’

I laughed, but if I had said what I was thinking, David probably wouldn’t have talked to me for another month. Fran was a nice girl, but I was pleased she was on David’s arm and not mine. I smiled at my ex-girlfriend and opted for a more diplomatic answer.

“I don’t think Fran would want me back, but I’m not about to switch sides anyway. I like the boys too much. Especially this cute one.” I turned to Nathan, but he was busy texting someone, so I nudged him in the ribs to get his attention.

“What’s wrong?”

“I love you.”

My boyfriend melted against my shoulder. “Ahh, that’s so sweet.”

“That’s so yuk,” said David.

“I bet they wouldn’t even try to convert Nathan,” said Rory.

My boyfriend frowned and pretended to be offended. “That’s very hurtful, you know.”

I thought it was more of a compliment. “Rory’s right. They would be wasting their time with you.”

“They probably don’t even know me.”

“Oh, they definitely do,” I said. “Take my word for it.”

I knew that would please him. Nathan put a lot of time and effort into cultivating his gay boy image. For him to go unnoticed by the town’s self-appointed bastions of heterosexuality would have been nothing short of abject failure.

He put his hand on my knee and planted a big kiss on my cheek before whispering. “Am I gonna be able to see you on Saturday night?”

“I think so, but I’ll have to ask Sue first.”

“Cool, because I might have to convert you back again.”

“Hmmm, sounds interesting. How do you plan on doing that?”

“Oh, I have my ways.” He moved his hand further up my thigh until his pinky brushed against my crotch. Then while I was distracted, he leaned over and kissed me again. This time full on the lips, making me blush.

Our relationship wasn’t a secret, but I still wasn’t comfortable showing that kind of affection in school. A code of conduct forbade students from indulging in inappropriate physical contact, although there was no clear definition of what that meant, and it was rarely enforced.

Nathan’s philosophy was simple. If straight couples could openly flout the rules, then so could we, but it wasn’t the staff that worried me. I was more concerned about thugs like Mitch, who took exception to anyone he deemed queer and had an unhealthy obsession with Stephanie. There were others like him, but the school’s zero-tolerance policy towards bullying helped keep them at bay, and, as Nathan was discovering, having Alex as a friend provided an extra layer of protection.

They seemed to get on a lot better now that they shared a few classes, and earlier, when I entered the cafeteria, they were deep in conversation. I trusted my boyfriend’s judgement and appreciated Alex sticking up for him, but I still didn’t like the idea of them being friends.

According to Sue, since returning to school, Alex’s behaviour had been exemplary, although I wasn’t sure where she got her information. He wanted to graduate, and I admired him for that, but as hard as I tried, I still couldn’t forgive him for what he did, and I doubted I ever would.

“What are you guys whispering about?” said David.

“Not for your ears,” said Nathan.

“He’s being naughty,” I added.

“Well, I don’t wanna know,” said David, and he turned to Rory. “How’s your girlfriend?”

“I haven’t got a girlfriend. We broke up.”

I was still focused on Nathan and only half-listening, but that got my attention. I snapped my head around to stare at my best friend.

“Really?”

Rory shrugged as if it was nothing, then looked around the table at our concerned faces. “What’s wrong?”

I turned my back on my boyfriend and shuffled closer to Rory. “What happened?”

“Nothing, she just. I dunno. It’s not important. Why are you all looking at me?”

‘Oh my God, she dumped him.’

“Why didn’t you say something?” asked David.

“I just did, didn’t I? What is this, an inquisition?”

David backed off. “Geez, Rory, we’re only concerned. I wish I hadn’t asked now.”

I was glad he did because I doubt Rory would have mentioned it otherwise. He wasn’t comfortable being the centre of attention, but after a little prompting, he opened up.

“If you must know, I found out she was seeing another guy. Someone from her school. It’s not a big deal; I mean, we were never gonna get married or anything, and at least I don’t have to go to that stupid farm anymore. That was a pain in the butt.”

“You can say that again.” It was a pain in the butt for me, too, although I was sure he didn’t mean it in quite the same way.

Fran reached across the table to squeeze Rory’s hand. “I’m sorry, Rory. That was pretty mean of her.”

David went a little further. “What a bitch!”

“Whatever,” said Rory. “Shit happens. I’ll get over it.”

“Forget about her,” said Nathan. “The best thing you can do is get out there and meet someone else. That’s what I ….”

My boyfriend froze as I turned to stare at him with raised eyebrows. “And how did that work out?”

He smiled apologetically and blushed. “Not too good. But I’m glad because, in the end, I got the boy I wanted.”

I laughed at Nathan’s overacting, then jumped when he squeezed my balls. “Stoppit! Not here.”

I swatted his hand away as Fran narrowed her eyes and leaned forward to see what we were doing under the table. Our antics amused David but weren’t much help to our golden-haired buddy, who understandably looked a little downtrodden. It was rare to see him without his usual smile, but it didn’t make him less attractive. If anything, that sullen look only enhanced his beauty, rubbing salt in the wounds of every other boy on the planet.

‘Rebecca must be crazy.’

I couldn’t understand why she would want to even look at another guy, but it was her loss. If Rory decided to follow Nathan’s advice, I was sure he would have no end of willing suitors ready to take her place, and not all of them female.

I was ready to do everything I could to take his mind off of Rebecca’s treacherous infidelity, and it seemed like David was thinking the same thing.

“If you’re stuck for something to do at the weekend,” he said, “you can hang out with Fran and me.”

I was horrified by David’s attempt to snatch away my best friend in his hour of need, so I came up with a better idea. “Why don’t you come sailing with us on Saturday? I can ask the pastor if there’s room for one more.”

Other than soccer, Rory wasn’t the sporty type, so I expected him to politely turn me down, but he looked like he was considering my offer.

“Go for it, Rory,” said Fran. “You’ll have fun.”

“Totally,” said Nathan, “and it’ll make me feel better knowing Robbie’s not on his own with a bunch of psychopaths.”

My boyfriend wasn’t helping, so I gave him a nudge with my elbow. “They’re not psychopaths, Rory. Just overly polite church kids.”

“Okay,” said Rory. “It sounds like it could be fun if they don’t mind.”

I had no idea if they would or not, but I was sure Daniel wouldn’t mind giving up his place to Rory if I could talk the pastor into allowing a last-minute switch.

“I’ll call the pastor this evening, but I can’t see it being a problem.”

“You're the only one,” said Nathan. “But at least you’ll have someone to keep you out of trouble.”

‘I doubt it.’

Without Rebecca to play with, Rory must have needed some company, and it made me feel good knowing I could help, although not in the way I would have liked.

“Who needs girls anyway?” I said, winking at Fran as we stood up to leave. Then after leaving the cafeteria, I honed in on my jilted friend to give him a consolatory hug, only to see Nathan beat me to it. I was left grasping at thin air and scratching my head at this unforeseen show of compassion.

“How about that,” said David. “Turns out Rory was gay after all.” He laughed as he linked arms with Fran and walked away. “Don’t they look cute together?”

He was right. The sight of my boyfriend embracing my best friend was truly inspiring, but after a second, I was ready to pull them apart and report them to Miss Pringle for inappropriate physical contact. If that wasn’t bad enough, I think Rory actually enjoyed it.

*     *     *

When the school bus stopped opposite our house that afternoon, there was an unfamiliar car parked next to Don’s SUV on the driveway. I didn’t take much notice of the bright-red Chevy as I waved goodbye to a friend on the bus and dragged my feet across the road. But Nicola’s scream made me jump, and Don’s cheesy grin gave the game away. He had been promising her a car since he returned from Alberta, but no one expected him to deliver. Now he looked as proud as punch as he opened the driver’s door and dangled the keys in front of my sister’s wide eyes.

It was no secret that my adopted father was making good money from his new customer out west, and when he had cash, he liked to spend it in ways that made him look good. It was the latest in a series of expensive gifts designed to cement his position as the head of a family that was fast turning against him. He didn’t need to earn their respect—that took time and hard work—so he bought it instead. He knew everyone had a price, and looking at Nicola’s excited expression; it was money well spent. She hugged Don and planted a sloppy kiss on his chubby cheek.

“I love you, Daddy.”

It made me feel ill, but it was music to Don’s ears, and the first person he looked at was me. He had a cocky smile, which was easy to read. He was still in control, and he wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t that long ago when Nicola was talking about her parent’s imminent divorce, and at the time, she was willing to throw her dad under the bus. Now he was the best thing since sliced bread, and he was milking it for all it was worth. Jo predicted this would happen.

Officially it was a kind of pre-graduation, leaving school, and learning to drive present, but really it was just a bribe and a clear message to his family that loyalty brought rewards.

As long as he had money to burn, Don couldn’t lose, and Daniel was already testing the waters. “Will I get a car too when I’m eighteen?”

“We’ll have to wait and see,” said Don. “We might have to get a bigger driveway.”

“Or a bigger house,” said Daniel.

I could see where this was going, and I was tempted to try my luck. As the second eldest child, the next expensive gift should have been offered to me, but I didn’t rate my chances, and I didn’t need his money. I had my trust fund to look forward to, and it was only seventeen months until my eighteenth birthday. Don knew I was the only one he couldn’t bribe, and he must have hated it.

The Chevy wasn’t brand new, but it was in good condition and, according to Mr Lube, mechanically sound. He spent a good hour tinkering under the bonnet while Don sat in the driver’s seat explaining the various controls and warning lights, but none of that was important to Nicola. She was more concerned with saving her favourite stations on the radio and posting selfies on social media. Amid the chaos and exhaust fumes stood Sue, the sole voice of reason who was keen to point out the obvious drawback.

“You have to learn to drive first, dear.”

I was glad someone bothered to mention it to Nicola before she screeched off into the sunset. My sister wasn’t the most accomplished of drivers, and she still had to pass a test to get her full license.

“I just need a little practice, that’s all,” said Nicola, and her boyfriend reluctantly agreed to be her instructor. It helped Sue sleep at night and provided a much-needed reason for her to like him.

Mr Lube was the epitome of laid back, and he must have had the patience of a saint to be dating my sister in the first place. But he still looked a little rattled when she reversed off the driveway, narrowly missing his beloved Firebird.

*     *     *

Later that evening, I called the pastor to ask if there was room for one more on the sailing trip. I was told they were always fully booked, so I was willing to sacrifice my brother, but the pastor was surprisingly accommodating.

“There’s always room for a lost sheep, Robbie. Who is this friend of yours?”

“His name is Rory, but he’s not really a lost sheep. He’s a little down because his girlfriend left him. I’m hoping this will cheer him up.” I thought it was good to let the pastor know from the start that Rory was straight to prevent any confusion. People often jumped to the wrong conclusion with him, and I didn’t want my friend subjected to any of the old man’s homophobic rhetoric or conversion tactics.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Robbie. He’s lucky to have you as a friend. You know, sometimes I think Don has gravely misjudged you.”

“He has?”

“Absolutely, he has. I don’t think you’re a troublemaker at all.”

“I can be sometimes.”

“Nonsense, a little headstrong perhaps, but that’s normal for boys your age. You’re certainly not the bad apple I was led to believe.”

‘Bad apple?’

“Is that what he told you?”

“It’s only Don who thinks that way, and he has a shocking tendency to overreact. It’s certainly not what I see. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. You can be a little rude and argumentative at times, but I think that’s more out of frustration than anything bad. Don doesn’t understand that.”

“That’s because he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Robbie. If anything, he feels threatened by you or rather by the people you associate with.”

I assumed he was referring to Nathan, and I knew I had to tread carefully. It sounded like he was fishing for answers and anything I said was sure to get back to Don.

“But I don’t associate with anyone bad?”

“Maybe you don’t anymore, but I know that hasn’t always been the case. What about that Nathaniel boy?”

“You mean, Nathan. He’s not a bad person. He used to be my boyfriend.”

That wasn’t what the pastor wanted to hear, and I heard him groaning, but I felt better for pointing it out.

“Sometimes, it’s difficult to see the wood for the trees. There’s a certain ambiguity about that boy that troubles me.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Precisely. That’s the problem, but we can discuss this another time—perhaps on Saturday, during our trip. You promised to give me some of your time, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Good. You’ve got a big heart. I’m confident you'll prove them all wrong.”

“I thought you said it was only Don who thinks that way.”

“So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty.”

I stared at the phone, hoping for some kind of translation. “I don’t understand.”

“You will eventually. Tell Rory he’s more than welcome to join us. And don’t forget tomorrow is Good Friday. We have a special service. The church needs fine young men like you.”

He could talk the hind legs off a donkey. That was one of my mom’s favourite sayings, and it definitely applied to the pastor, but he was difficult to understand and often talked in riddles. If I had known he would take that long to answer a simple question, I would have told Rory he couldn’t go, but my friend was probably worth the ear-bashing. It was amusing, although I was pretty sure a church that openly denounced gay relationships didn’t need fine young men like me, or maybe the good pastor had forgotten the reason Don considered me a troublemaker.

I managed to wiggle out of the Good Friday service, but I needed to be careful. The pastor was a wily old fox with the gift of the gab. By being civil and polite, I knew I was encouraging him and inviting him into my life. I had to remind myself that under that jovial exterior was a man who was prepared to leave his son in the evil hands of Mr Symmonds. If he could do that to a staunch believer like Matthew, what would he do to a habitual sinner like me? The verdict was simple. No matter how much praise he lavished upon me, under no circumstances could I trust him.

*     *     *

There were times when I doubted Don’s religious credentials, and Good Friday was one of them. I was under the impression that this was one of the holiest days on the Christian calendar, so I was surprised to see him heading for work instead of attending the pastor’s special service. I guess making money was more important to him, and lately, he needed a lot.

It suited me fine. The less I saw of Don, the better, and when he visited his office in Toronto, it meant he wouldn’t be back until late. The result was considerably less parental oversight and more scope to pursue my own agenda. In this case, it meant more sleep, so when news of his departure filtered down to our bedroom via Amy, I paid my informer a loonie, stripped down to my underwear, and climbed back into my still-warm bed.

My brother was still snoring after a late night with his girlfriend, Ratana. He narrowly avoided Sue’s wrath and a possible grounding by arriving home a minute before his curfew. It pissed me off, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he made a mistake, and there would be no leeway. After incessantly complaining about favouritism, Sue was watching him like a hawk desperate for an opportunity to punish him, if only to get me off her case and appear impartial.

Complaining brought rewards; I learned that from Nicola, who was able to gain concessions from her parents by constantly bending their ears with fictional tales of hardship. Buying her a car guaranteed her loyalty for the foreseeable future, so she set her sights on her ex-best friend instead. She couldn’t forgive Stephanie for denying her the opportunity to be an aunt—a role for which she seemed particularly suited—and they hadn’t talked since that fateful night.

I tried not to think about Stephanie, and I wasn’t too upset to hear about their falling out. I didn’t want her showing up at our door or have to listen to Nicola telling everyone stories about how cute the baby was or how much he looked like me. Maybe the car had a lot to do with it, but when it came to the crunch, my sister stood by her family even though it meant losing her best friend. I felt guilty but grateful at the same time.

My Good Friday plan to sleep all day and do nothing was curtailed by Sue. She turfed me out of bed, so I took my duvet into the next room and wrestled Daniel off the couch. Nicola couldn’t have done it any better, and she was impressed with my attitude. Watching her taught me to be ruthless with my slightly younger sibling and establish a definitive pecking order. Daniel and I were well-matched physically, and we often fought, but he must have realised this time he couldn’t win, and it set a precedent.

My brother moaned to Sue, then moved to the armchair and sulked, but that was how it was supposed to be, and an important milestone slipped by unnoticed by everyone except me. It took a long time, but Daniel and I were now real brothers who fought, argued, and got on each other’s nerves. It felt like I had known him forever, and I doubt if anyone from outside the family would have been able to tell that I was adopted.

My brother still wasn’t talking to me later that afternoon when Nathan called with an invitation that he knew I couldn’t refuse. His parents had to go out unexpectedly, and his sister was with her boyfriend.

“So, you want me to come over and see you?”

“No, I want you to come over and fuck me!” I covered the earpiece with my palm and looked around the room to be sure no one could hear. “Well, what do you think?”

“What? Oh, err, maybe. I suppose.”

“Hurry up then. They’ll be back in a few hours, and I don’t want them to think I’m having sex whenever they go out. So, you’ll have to be gone before then.”

“But I need to get dressed first and have a shower.”

“It’s like two o’clock, Robbie. What have you been doing all day?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, you don’t need a shower. I don’t mind if you’re a little dirty. I can wash you with my tongue. Would you like me to do that?”

“Probably.”

“Probably? What’s wrong? Don’t you want to put it in my mouth?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “Of course, I do, but I can’t talk right now.” When I glanced across the room, Daniel and Amy were staring at me, so I grabbed my duvet and carried it into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. “Don’t move. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Twenty minutes,” he said, “or I’m starting without you.”

“What?” I stared at the phone, thinking he had hung up, then dropped it when he spoke.

“I have Buffy!”

‘Buffy?’

I was hopelessly unprepared and fell over as I tried pulling on a sock while hopping on one leg. Then when I tried to call a cab, my phone died, and I couldn’t find the charger.

‘Nicola borrowed it!’

“Arrgh!”

I was ready to give up and be replaced by a twelve-inch silicone replica penis, which according to the box, looked and felt like the real thing. Not in my world, it didn’t, and I winced when I pictured my stick insect of a boyfriend at the mercy of such a monster.

I stomped upstairs to Nicola’s room, feeling dejected and ready to demand my charger, then stopped when I reached the top landing and saw the red Chevy on the driveway. There was one option I hadn’t even considered.

It was less than a day since I vowed never to get into a car with Nicola behind the wheel until she passed her test, and now I had to choose between saving my boyfriend from a potential self-harm episode and sticking to my principles. My sister laughed when she opened her bedroom door to hear my apology, but she agreed to give me a ride and later, I did the same for Nathan.

We squeezed a lot into those two hours, but thankfully there was no room for Buffy, although it wasn’t for the lack of trying. It often baffled me where my boyfriend got his energy from, and that day was probably the worst I had seen him, but no one could ever accuse him of being boring.

“Thank you, sexy.”

Nathan was still naked from our shower when I kissed him at the bottom of the stairs and ran to the door. I liked how he always thanked me for sex as if I was doing him a great favour, but I couldn’t have done it without my sister’s help, and she was waiting for me when I left his house.

“Thanks, Nicola. You’re the best.”

“Wow, someone’s in a good mood, and you got wet hair. Most people shower before they go out.”

“I prefer his shower; he lets me play with his ducks.”

She laughed, then selected reverse by mistake and nearly hit the parked car behind us. “Whoops. Don’t worry; I got this.” It would have been difficult explaining to Don why she had an accident outside the front of Nathan’s house, but the rest of the journey was trouble-free, except for the conversation. Nicola wanted to talk about Stephanie—a subject I had been avoiding for almost a week.

“I don’t know how I feel. I try not to think about it. Maybe it’s for the best. I’m probably not cut out to be a father.”

“That’s a cop-out. Most guys believe that until it happens, then they realise they were cut out for it after all. Women aren’t the only ones with parental instincts; men have them too; they just don’t know it. You’ve always been good with Amy, and you handled Luke better than most of us; that’s parental instinct. Nobody taught you how to do that.”

I appreciated her vote of confidence, but I suspected it wasn’t all about me.

“You wanted to be an aunt, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did, and it would have worked perfectly. Even mom was changing her mind. It wasn’t Stephanie who made that decision; it was her parents. You know that, right?”

“I had my suspicions.”

“Yeah. Well, you were right. They convinced her the baby doesn’t need a father, but I think she’s only going along with it to keep them happy. That’s why I’m angry with her. It’s got nothing to do with you. They don’t even know you other than what I’ve told them, but I’ve only said good things about you.”

I smirked. “Really?”

“Okay, I lied to them, but it’s the truth if you know what I mean.”

“I haven’t got a clue, but maybe you should concentrate on your driving. We can talk about this later.”

“I am concentrating on my driving, jerk!”

I giggled. “Well, you might wanna turn around then because we just drove past our house.”

She slammed on the brakes and scowled at me before reversing up the hill. “I know that!”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to drive backwards, Nicola.”

“Of course, you are. Why would they even have a reverse gear if you can’t use it? And don’t criticise my driving. The next time you wanna screw your boyfriend, you can take a taxi.”

“You’re gonna hit the mailbox.”

“What? Oh, did we hit something?”

“Yes, the mailbox.”

Daniel almost wet himself laughing when I carried the damaged item into the kitchen and placed it on the table.

“What happened?”

“Nicola still has some work to do on her reversing technique.”

We stopped laughing when she slammed the front door and marched into the kitchen, glaring at Daniel. “What are you looking at, shit-for-brains?”

“Mr Lube’s waiting for you downstairs,” said Daniel.

“Don’t call him that!” said Nicola before turning to me. “You started that; it’s your fault.”

I brushed her off. “But it suits him.”

Mr Lube didn’t seem to mind his nickname, but it bothered Nicola, which was hilarious. I had to admire his tenacity. Despite his obvious flaws and creepy personality, he managed to outlast most of his predecessors, and at times my sister seemed genuinely smitten by him.

To prove my point, her tone changed the moment he appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Hi, kitten. Your car’s not on the driveway.”

‘Kitten?’

I exchanged glances with Daniel and bit my lip as Nicola swung for me.

“I know; I parked it around the corner when your brother told me you were practising your driving.”

He was dicing with death, but Mr Lube managed to get away with remarks that Daniel and I would have paid for in blood. He had a nice car, so it was a smart move to park it out of harm's way, but with Nicola, you could never win, and he spent the rest of the evening trying to fix the mailbox and hiding the scratches on her car.

Mr Lube enjoyed rolling his sleeves up and getting mucky, and he didn’t mind working on his own, but when Sue came home and it started getting dark, she asked me to go outside and help.

“Why can’t Nicola help him? He’s her boyfriend.”

“Because I’ve just had a bath, stupid!” My sister looked ridiculous in a bathrobe with a towel on her head. “I can’t let anyone see me like this.”

“Why not? We have to look at you.”

She chased me around the kitchen and cornered me by the back door, where I avoided her punch and connected with one of my own. My fist hit her shoulder, and before Sue could step between us, Nicola retaliated with a wild kick. I don’t think she meant to catch me in the privates, and she looked truly sorry as I curled up into a ball on the kitchen floor holding my knackers, but Sue wasn’t impressed. Nicola was forced to apologise and was grounded the next day.

“He’s faking it, Mom. I doubt if he’s even got any balls.”

I scowled at her and protested. “I might not be able to have any more kids now because of you.”

Nicola laughed, and even Sue thought it was funny, but Amy was confused. “Why is Robbie lying on the floor?”

“Because he’s a baby,” said Nicola. She offered to pull me up, but I pushed her hand away in favour of my little sister, who helped me to my feet with a mischievous grin. It was her bedtime, and Sue was waiting in the doorway to take her upstairs. I leaned forward to kiss her goodnight, and she cupped her hand over my ear.

“Did Nicola kick you in your wiener?”

I looked at Nicola. “Yes, Amy, and it was very painful.”

My little sister thought it was funny and giggled all the way upstairs, leaving me alone with my tormentor.

“How are your balls?”

“Sore, thanks to you.”

“You poor thing. Maybe Nathan will rub them better for you. At least I helped you have some fun today. You should be grateful for that. Sisters don’t usually drive their brothers across town, so they can …. So they can do whatever you were doing that was so bad you needed to shower before going home.”

I was smiling. “Have you finished?”

“Yes, I’m going upstairs, so goodnight.”

I followed her into the hallway. “Haven’t you forgotten something?”

She stopped on the first step looking puzzled. “No.”

“Are you sure? What about your boyfriend?”

Her eyes opened wide, and I laughed as she ran past me to the door.

*     *     *

“It was dark when I joined Mr Lube at the front of the driveway. He was lying on the grass, peering down a hole and smoking a joint. Next to him was a can of beer which he grabbed as he got to his feet.

“Hey, buddy. What’s up? I heard you yelling in there.”

“Your girlfriend kicked me in the nuts.”

“Ouch. That’s painful. Do you wanna drag of this?” He passed the joint and gulped his beer, spilling some of it down his grubby jacket. “It’s medicinal weed. I only smoke it because of my back. It’s fucking surprising what you can get on healthcare these days.”

I looked behind me to make sure Sue wasn’t watching from her bedroom window, then took a quick drag and coughed as the smoke hit my lungs.

“Are you sure this is medical marijuana?”

“Not really, but it fucking works. I don’t feel any pain.”

I laughed and took another drag before passing it back. “So, how’s the mailbox coming along?” He looked around at the grass and scratched his head. “It’s behind you.”

“Oh, yeah. Not good. I don’t think I’m gonna get it done today.” He grinned and poured more beer into his mouth, then belched.

“I don’t think so either. Is that all you did; dig a hole?”

“It’s a big fucking hole, kid. It’s not easy.”

“I guess not. Nicola forgot you were even here.”

That amused him, and he giggled as he squashed his beer can and threw it into the hole. “Well, don’t remind her.”

“It’s too late. She’s watching us from the front door.”

Mr Lube nearly fell over as he spun around and squinted at the figure in the white bathrobe. My sister shook her head in disgust and closed the door.

He was hammered and starting to sway. “I think your girlfriend’s locked us out,” he said.

“She’s my sister.”

“That’s what I said.” He stared at me and laughed. Mr Lube wasn’t as bad as I thought. He could be really funny, or maybe it was the weed. “So, tell me. What’s the story with you and that Stephanie chick? I heard she fucked you off.”

“She didn’t fuck me off. We weren’t even dating.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. You’re queer. You don’t find me attractive, do you?”

“No, not at all.”

“Be honest with me.”

"I am. You’re disgusting.”

He gave me a hard stare, then chuckled. “Good. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind queers. I got lots of friends who are, you know. Like you.”

“Cool, maybe you can introduce me to some of them.”

He looked surprised. “I thought you had something cooking with that girly kid.”

“I do, but not every day.”

“Geez, I thought I was bad. Wait a minute; you’re not trying to fool me again, are you?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that.”

He looked unsure as he scratched his stubble. “Okay, but you knocked up Stephanie, and now she’s dating a guy who wants to kill you.”

“You mean Mitch,” I said. “They’re only friends.”

“If that’s what she told you, it’s a lie. I’ve seen them together a few times, and they’re more than friends. She’s all over him like a rash. Man, I’d like to have a few friends like her.” He spat on his hands and wiped them down his pants. “Don’t tell your sister I said that.”

“I won’t. But are you sure about Stephanie?”

Mr Lube rested a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with red eyes. “I don’t lie. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but if she’s having your baby, you have a right to know. I sure as hell wouldn’t want that asshole being a father to my kid.”

I thought about what he said as he belched in my ear and turned his back on me to pee into the hole.

“Don’t look, kid. It’ll give you an inferiority complex.”

I was curious. Thoughts of Buffy filled my head, and I couldn’t help myself. The guy was exposing himself on our front lawn; what did he expect? I had to have a quick glance, but he was lying. I had no idea why Nicola was dating this guy, but it wasn’t for his dick, that’s for sure.

Mr Lube was wasted, so I took him around the back to the basement, where Daniel was watching TV. My brother looked baffled as I pulled out the sofa bed for our grubby guest and sat him down.

“I probably shouldn’t drive home tonight,” he said.

“You think?”

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Daniel.

“He’s dating Nicola; he needs all the help he can get.”

We laughed, but Mr Lube was already asleep, lying the wrong way across the bed and fully clothed. I left him there for Nicola to deal with and sat next to Daniel on the couch to watch the weather forecast.

After a dry and mild Good Friday, the rest of the Easter weekend would be cold with torrential rain and high winds.

Perfect weather for sailing.