The Cockney Canuck - 28. Chapter 28 Temptation

After the warmest Easter weekend since records began, our first day back at school was cold and wet. I sat next to Daniel on the school bus, listening to a dozen different excited conversations going on around me. My weekend had also been fairly eventful, to put it mildly. It had certainly started with a bang on Thursday night, when I had sexual intercourse with a girl for the first time.

I still wasn’t sure if I lost my virginity with Fran that night or with Tom a few months earlier, it depends, I suppose on how you look at it. As far as I was aware, there were no real rules out there to use as guidance for somebody as sexually confused as I was, so I made up my own.

I had discovered that it was possible for me, to not only get excited by the thought of heterosexual intercourse but to enjoy doing it as well. Therefore, I no longer needed to be gay in order to find sexual gratification, which opened up a whole new world of opportunity. As a bi-sexual male, I could have the best of both worlds as long as nobody found out about it. In my topsy-turvy, upside down world, I saw this as being a significant step forward because it meant that I no longer had to pretend to myself that I wasn’t gay, only to everyone else. I had been beating myself up about it for far too long and it was unnecessary. From now on, I was going to be gay and proud of it, I just didn’t want anyone else to know just yet and I didn’t see anything wrong with that.

Tom knew about me and so did Alex of course, recently I had given myself away to Nathan and there was a good chance that Rory also had more than a few suspicions about my sexual orientation.

‘I’m practically out to the whole world’.

The very definite exceptions to this were Don, Sue, Nicola, Daniel, Amy and anyone else who knew me; I was convinced that none of these should ever find out. So according to my own overcomplicated rules, I officially lost my virginity with Fran at her house on Thursday night, thanks to some careful planning by her, some help from her brother and a bunch of flowers from Don.

The previous year, I had spent the Easter weekend looking after my mom. It rained for the whole four days in London and I only ventured out of the apartment once to jostle with the crowds at the local supermarket. In one year, my life had changed completely and if anyone had told me at the time that a year later I would be staying with my girlfriend in a luxury cottage and riding in a speedboat across a crystal-clear lake, in the middle of a forest the size of Wales, I would have rolled up laughing. Actually, I might have believed the bit about the luxury cottage in the middle of nowhere, but there was no way that I would have believed the bit about having a girlfriend. So far fetched was this suggestion, that not even Nostradamus could have predicted it.

Despite the rain, return to more seasonal temperatures and the need to wear a coat again, it felt strangely good to be back at school. I had worked out that this was my forty-ninth day at my new school and so far, I had a perfect record without a single day absent or late. Actually, the only way that I could have been late was if I had missed the bus and Nicola was always there to make sure that didn’t happen.

I had been worried sick on my first day at that school, unsure if I would fit in or how I would be treated. Now I was actually looking forward to going there, if only to see some of my new friends. I had realised on my very first day at Stephenson that I wasn’t going to have too much trouble adapting to the new environment. How could anybody have a problem adapting to something that was so much better than what you had been used to. Mr Andrews had told me how important it was for me to settle in as quickly as possible. He said that I should think of it not simply as the school, but as my school. This mattered to him and I suppose a sense of belonging was quite important if you wanted to be happy.

However, I think that even he had been surprised at how quickly I had adapted. I got to know a lot of the teachers and staff and quite a few of the students. I even knew our bus driver’s name, Bill. I no longer had to check my timetable to see what lessons I had for any particular day or where I needed to be. I no longer had to think about where my locker was and check the numbers as I got closer, I now walked directly up to it without even having to think, as if on autopilot. Most surprising of all perhaps, was how quickly I had got used to the morning routine of standing for the national anthem. It had stopped becoming a source of amusement to me after the first couple of weeks and now, just like everyone else, I didn’t even think about it.

Gone also was the celebrity status that I once enjoyed. Don had been right when he said to me that I would soon become just another kid. In fact, it had happened even quicker than I thought it would. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t really enjoy the attention that I received during my first few weeks anyway and I liked it much better the way it was now. I was happy to be a team player some of the time, but there were parts of my life that I needed to keep to myself and very much under the radar.

My new and highly unusual friendship with Alex for example was something that I desperately needed to keep hidden from prying eyes. He was after all such an unlikely person for me to pick as a friend and I thought for sure that people would see this as odd and look for other reasons. Maybe I was just being paranoid, as usual. I would see him in science class, which was my second lesson, just before lunch. He always worked on the next bench to mine and in the past, he had often strayed over to chat briefly with my new lab partner Rory and me.

It felt strange when I had talked to Alex the week before after what we had done together and I guess that it would probably always feel a little odd. I had however, already decided that our little experience together had been a one time special offer and it wouldn’t happen again. Alex would understand, after all he managed to get what he wanted from me and he wasn’t even gay, so it wouldn’t matter to him. All we had to do now was pretend that nothing had ever happened and never tell anyone about it. I was certain that Alex would never utter a word about it, as he had a lot more to lose than I did.

I had mixed emotions about the highly charged few hours that I had spent in his company. We had argued, fought and had an erotic sexual experience all in the space of an evening but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to endure anything like that again.

He was already in the classroom when I walked in for our Science lesson. I could see him watching me as I picked up a worksheet from the teacher and walked to my workstation where Rory was waiting. I looked over to Alex to give him a warm smile and gently tagged Rory on the shoulder.

“Hey Robbie,” he said, as I sat down. “How did your weekend go, did you go to Algonquin?”

“Yes,” I said, “it was awesome I had a really good time, did you get up to anything?”

“Nah, just the usual stuff, my dad took me to see his family in Toronto. Very, very, boring,” he put on a fake yawn.

“I thought that Toronto was a cool place,” I said.

“York Mills?” he replied as if I should know where that was. “Its hardly downtown.”

“Oh I don’t really know I’ve never been there.”

“You’ve never been to Toronto?”

“Algonquin was the first place that I’ve been to outside of Cobourg,” I said.

Rory was a good partner to have in science; he enjoyed it and worked hard to achieve high grades. I liked working with him and I found his enthusiasm for the subject contagious. He was never shy when it came to talking about schoolwork or football (soccer), but he would clam up whenever I asked him anything remotely personal. I had tried hard to get to know him but he seemed to blow hot and cold and I got the feeling that poor Rory was as fucked up emotionally as I was.

At the end of the class, he turned to me to ask me why I had never been to Toronto.

“I dunno, I’ve never had the opportunity,” I said. “Don told me that he was gonna take me there one day to see the sights, you know the CN Tower and that, but so far it hasn’t happened. It’s not his fault he’s always so busy at work and he doesn't get much time off.”

Rory was smiling at me. “I could take you,” he said, “we could go on the train it’s only a couple of hours away and the trains go there direct from Cobourg. It’s really worth a visit, you know.”

I looked across at him and smiled. “That would be cool Rory, I’d like that. I’ll ask my par…Don and Sue if I can go.” I very nearly called them my parents and for some reason this concerned me. It had never happened before, but I guessed that it was just a matter of time. It made me think about how quickly my life was changing; only a few months ago, these people were complete strangers and yet now, I was actually beginning to think of them as my parents. I wasn’t ready for it yet.

At the end of the lesson, Alex came over to us with his usual cheeky grin. I knew that there had to be a reason for his visit, he didn’t do small talk.

“Hey Robbie have you got some spare minutes to give me? I need to talk to you.”

“Go ahead,” I said.

“Not here dude, in private, how about at the end of lunch?” he asked. “I’ll be outside the gym at midday.” Then he walked back to his workstation, without waiting for my answer. I might have had something else to do at that time; he didn’t even ask me if I was free. He didn’t need to I suppose, because I was always going to be there, no matter what.

“Is everything okay?” asked Rory.

“Yeah, it’s not a problem,” I said, “I’m okay with him.”

“You need to be careful man; he’s trouble and his old man’s in prison.”

“Really, what for…never mind, don’t answer that,” I said, “I don’t wanna know.”

“Drugs or something.” I knew he would.

I told Fran that I needed to talk to my PE teacher and at five minutes to midday I was waiting dutifully for Alex outside the main entrance to the gym. Two minutes later, I could see his broad smile as he made his way through the lunchtime crowd. He walked right up to me looking into my eyes the whole time before giving me the cutest of winks, as he got up close. He was good at this, it’s no wonder he had such a high success rate with the girls. My heart rate increased and I felt a flutter in my stomach as I waited for him to say something.

“You’re on time,” he said acting surprised.

“It wasn’t that difficult to get here,” I said. “Not like your house.”

“That was funny dude; you looked so cute when you showed up totally soaked to the skin. I still have the pictures I took of you on my phone. Do you wanna see em?”

“NO. No I don’t,” I said. “Maybe you should delete them.”

“Why? It’s not like you were naked or anything,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind taking some though. Maybe next time I can get you to do some hot poses for me eh, I could even tie you up first, if you wanted, I know that you like that?”

“It’s not working on me Alex; I’m not falling for it.” I gave him a stern look, but there was always something about him that I found difficult to defend against. I don’t know if it was the tough boy image or that little bit of danger that seemed to accompany him wherever he went. Maybe it was the fact that he acted so straight all the time that turned me on.

‘Okay this is my cue to tell him that there isn’t going to be a next time’.

I tried to, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Just listening to him telling me that he wanted to take pictures of me naked and tie me up, was enough to get me worked up. I couldn’t help it, he was such a smoothie and I couldn’t take my eyes off that cheeky smile of his. This wasn’t going to be an easy thing for me to do after all and even as he talked to me, my mind kept going back to what we did together just days before.

‘What’s wrong with me did I forget how sexy he was in the few days since I had last seen him? Maybe I should explain this to him another time’.

“So tell me what really happened at the weekend?” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing very well what he was implying.

“Well did you get laid for a start?” he said.

“Do you have to be so direct all the time, bloody hell Alex what kind of a question is that to ask?”

“So you did then, that’s awesome man. No wonder Fran had a smile on her face this morning.”

‘She did’?

“I didn’t say that,” I complained.

“Yes you did, only you said it as an Englishman would say it,” laughed Alex.

“Very funny,” I said, “now please tell me that you didn’t ask me to meet you here to discuss my sex life with Fran.”

“No,” he said, “I asked you to meet me, to discuss your sex life with me!” As he said this, he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards him a little bit too close. I looked around to make sure that no one was looking and squeezed out of his embrace.

“What’s wrong, can’t a guy hug his buddy anymore?”

“You're not my buddy Alex.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” he said smiling, “after everything that we did too.”

“We had sex, that doesn't make us friends.” I panicked, my eyes darting from side to side and he gave me a stern look.

‘I said that way too loud, I need to be more discreet and not let him wind me up’.

“I’m trying hard to be your friend…Robbie. I like you, you're a cool guy.”

‘Yeah right, I’m sure that he nearly forgot my name just then’.

“I bet you say that to all the boys,” I said quietly.

“Actually you’re the first,” he said, whispering, “I was kinda hoping to arrange a time when we can hook up again.”

I blushed before moving his arm off my shoulder and moving away slightly to create some space between us. Alex seemed to enjoy being close to people, he liked to have some kind of physical contact when he talked to them. I had noticed him doing this quite a lot with his girlfriend Jenny. He was literally all over her whenever they talked; his hands were everywhere, almost smothering her. She always looked to be uncomfortable with this and now I knew why.

“When did you have in mind?” I asked, removing his hand from my shoulder again.

“Well how about this Friday,” he said, as he led me over to the balcony overlooking one of the staircases; making sure that there was no one within earshot.

I was trying to think of a reason not to say yes. I didn’t need this extra complication in my life at the moment. The first time was fun, sort of, but now I had to tell him that I wasn’t going to do it again.

‘What can I say to him? If I don’t want to do anything with him anymore then why am I here talking to him? He doesn’t want to be my friend; he just wants to fool around with me’.

“I don’t know,” I said, “it’s a bit soon.” He could sense that there was a problem.

“Robbie is there something wrong. Did I do something to upset you or something?”

“No, there’s nothing wrong with you Alex,” I said, “But we’re not exactly friends either, I mean we can hardly talk to one another, without disagreeing and having an argument. And you won’t even acknowledge me if you're with any of your real friends.”

“That’s the deal man, you knew that from the beginning, what the fuck do you want me to do, introduce you to everybody, you wouldn’t fit in. I wasn’t looking for a buddy, I got plenty of those.”

I knew that he was right, but it wasn’t nice having it spelled out to me, or having to admit it, even to myself. It made me feel cheap and worthless. I turned away from him, sulking and stared over the busy atrium towards the ground floor. He rested his hand on the small of my back and rubbed it gently, I knew that he wasn’t comfortable doing this and he was taking a big risk. It was one thing play hugging a guy, but this was way too intimate for two boys. I twisted my body to throw his hand off, if only to save him from any embarrassment.

“The last time we met, you attacked me and I nearly froze to death remember?”

“Wait a minute, you attacked me,” he said, he was right about that too. “I just held you at bay, anyone else and I would’ve punched their frigging lights out. You're hard work to be around dude.”

I turned around to face him, “I’m not scared of you,” I said and for a second there, I thought that maybe I had overcooked it. He looked as if he was close to losing it again; I had seen that look in his eyes before.

‘I need to back off and be a little more tactful or I’ll end up on the floor again and then we’ll both be suspended. We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile and this isn’t helping’.

My little outburst had already drawn some attention from a few kids standing nearby and we were probably on CCTV somewhere. Everyone was, even in 2010.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “maybe we should meet up after school or something.”

“Like I said, I’m good for Friday.”

“I meant to talk.”

“We don’t do talking that well do we,” he said. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

“You just want sex, right?” I said.

“That’s about it dude. We don’t have to talk.”

“Why don’t you just get yourself a rent boy?” I couldn’t resist another dig at him, but that was how this was making me feel, like some kind of boy prostitute.

“I would if I knew where to look, but I’d never be able to find anyone as hot as you.”

“Yeah right.”

“I mean it, c’mon dude, just one more night and I guarantee that you’ll have the best time ever, even better than Fran.”

“I dunno.”

“Is it Fran? Are you worried because you think that you’re cheating on her?”

“I like her,” I said.

He started to laugh when I said this. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” he said, as he put both hands on my shoulders and forced me to look directly at him.

“You’re in love with your girlfriend, congratulations. You probably have no idea how many girlfriends that I’ve been in love with. In fact, I’m in love right now with Jenny and I’m hoping that this relationship will last a bit longer than the others.”

I didn’t really understand the point that he was making, if he was making one at all. He wasn’t making much sense.

“I’m sorry to have to break it to you dude, but if its romance that you’re after, then you’ve got the wrong guy,” he said. “You’re cute, but I don’t love you Robbie and I don’t want to go out with you, or get all romantic and stuff because that’s the kind of stuff that I only do with my girlfriend. I’m not gay, I just wanted to see what it was like to do it with a guy and you happened to be one of the few guys that I found attractive enough to want to do it with.”

I didn’t know if I should feel flattered by that or insulted. If I didn’t already know this, he had basically admitted to me that he was only interested in using me for sex. He wasn’t even gay, just as I had suspected all along. How could anyone with that much sexual interest in females possibly be gay?

‘I suppose I should be relieved. He’s just another one of the lads; he just wants to have a bit of fun. That’s what I want too right’?

“What time on Friday and where?” I asked I was already regretting it.

“That’s more like the Robbie I know,” he said, “how about nine o’clock at my house? My parents will be away for the night, so if you want to, you can stay over. You can tell them that you’re having a sleepover if you like. Oh and try to keep dry on the way over this time, that way you get to keep your clothes on a little longer.” He walked away as usual, before I had even had the chance to say yes or no. I couldn’t believe this boy.

Then he turned around half way down the corridor and said, “I’ll see you in PE tomorrow. Baseball dude!” He was right we would see each other in PE tomorrow and in the showers too. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that, but I was sure that Alex would be able to.

* * * * *

Alex wasn’t the only boy in school who excited me more than Fran; I also had a little unfinished business with Nathan to sort out. I had tried calling him over the weekend but he didn’t answer and his phone never went to voicemail so I couldn’t even leave a message. I didn’t see him at school on Tuesday so I questioned Daniel about it on the way home.

“Sorry dude,” he said. “I should’ve told you that you need to give him your number first and let him know that you're gonna call him. He gets a lot of prank calls and he won’t answer the phone unless it’s a number in his phone book.”

“Oh,” I said. “It must be quite a big problem for him then, I didn’t realise.”

“Definitely. It’s nothing personal,” he said, “I’m sure that he would talk to you if he knew it was you who was calling.”

‘I’m not so sure about that’.

“You can use my phone dude,” he said and handed it to me. “Go ahead; he’ll be just getting home about now.”

“Its okay, it can wait,” I said. “I’ll probably see him on Thursday at the bus stop anyway. I can talk to him then.”

I was sure that Nathan would be mad at me for acting like a dick on Thursday and I had visions of him telling me to get lost or even worse hanging up on me. Daniel would want to know what it was all about and he would start asking questions, so it would be better if I left it until I could talk to him alone.

That night I sat in my room doing my homework but thinking of Alex and how he had so easily manipulated me. I read his letters back in my mind and I was able to remember each one almost word for word. If only I could remember some of my schoolwork that well. I didn’t really mind and the thought of just having random sex with a straight guy was something that excited me. It excited me more than Fran and once again, this was worrying.

* * * * *

Wednesday morning second lesson was PE and that meant showering afterwards with Alex and Rory. The lesson was held outside now that it was officially springtime although the temperature was barely more than six degrees. We were playing baseball, which had been the only North American sport that I had any experience of playing. We had played it at my previous school under the guise of rounders. The rules were very much the same except I think that rounders had four bases instead of the three in baseball.

It didn’t make that much difference as I wasn’t much good at either game, but I enjoyed playing. Alex on the other hand was one of the best players in the school. He was mostly a pitcher and could throw a fastball at seventy-six mph, which I was told was exceptional for a fifteen-year-old. Naturally, I was unable to get my bat to any one of his pitches when I came up against him and despite a valiant effort I struck out each time.

He wasn’t about to drop his guard any by going easy on me, but as we made our way back to the school building to change and shower, he walked with me and took me aside to try to show me where I was going wrong. I was grateful for the extra tuition, but in reality, I was never going to make it onto any of the teams and I didn’t really want to either. More significant was the fact that he had actually talked to me at length, in public and in full view of his friends, which he had rarely done before.

Nobody seemed to take any notice of us, except for Rory who I usually sat next to in the locker room. He eyed me suspiciously, as I sat down to get undressed. He was the only one, so far who had noticed my covert friendship developing with Alex.

Alex and I were the last ones into the locker room and the last into the showers, where I tried my best not to look at him as he pranced around happily showing himself to everyone. Fear of ridicule was the only thing that had stopped me so far from getting hard, but as I stood next to him under the hot streams of water, my worst fears were starting to come true. There were no more than four boys in the showers at that point, including us and I turned towards the wall to try to hide and control it.

Alex never said anything to me instead, he just spent his time in the shower washing his hair and soaping up his fit body. It was what you were supposed to do in the showers, I guess. I was the one having problems, not him, he was just really cool and really relaxed about the whole thing. I was sure that he had noticed my discomfort and he seemed to smile knowingly at me as he left the shower to go to dry off. Mercifully, as I looked around me, I was on my own and the problem had gone away.

‘That wasn’t good, I didn’t handle that very well at all. I need to be more careful in future and definitely avoid Alex in the shower’.

Getting a stiffie in the school showers surrounded by teenage boys, who were always on the look out for potential gay insurgents, was never a good idea, in any school, anywhere in the world. It was a universal taboo and nobody broke that rule even if you were a well-known and fully outed gay boy. It could have been a disaster for me. As it was, in the end, the only embarrassment that I had to endure was the short walk naked back to get dressed, with everyone’s eyes on me.

One of the boys asked me if I was jacking off in there and it got a few laughs out of some of the others as I quickly got dressed. That didn’t matter; all boys jacked off and even though few would admit to it, there was nothing really bad about it. I mean everybody knew that everyone else was doing it anyway, even if they were lucky enough to be in a sexual relationship with a girl, or like Alex and me in a sexual relationship with a girl and a boy.

Despite all his sexual conquests and I suppose that I was now one of them and despite having regular sex with Jenny, Alex still found the time and energy to jerk himself off whenever he was alone. For some reason he felt compelled to tell me this during the two hours that I had spent at his house. I would be back there in a couple of days, but I had mixed feelings about our impending reunion.

* * * * *

“You see it’s really quite simple you just have to remember to multiply it by its own value each time.”

No answer.

“Robbie are you listening to me or day dreaming?”

“Sorry Fran you’re right,” I said.

“I know I’m right,” she said, “but did you even get any of that?”

“Any of what?” I said.

“Forget it dumbo,” said Fran, “if you want to catch up in math, then you have to start paying attention. What is it that’s bothering you anyway? You’ve hardly said a word to me since you got here.”

“It’s not important really,” I said. “Can we have sex now?”

She laughed, but I wasn't joking.

“Robbie you know that my parents are home and it’s not as if they trust you as it is. What if they were to come up here or worse still Roberto or Claudia?”

“Whatever.”

“You can kiss me if you want?” she said, as she put the schoolbook down on her desk and turned around on her chair to face me. I leaned over to kiss her and she dragged me forwards almost on top of her with her arms around my neck. “If we were on our own, mister,” she said, “I would be so in your pants right now.”

I pulled away from her and stood up making a quick adjustment along the way. “Don’t get me worked up Fran.”

“I’m sorry,” she said but I’m in the same boat as you. “Okay, maybe it is different for girls. Maybe we don’t have the same sex drive as men, but we still get horny and still get frustrated. It’s just that we don’t have to do it twice a day or whatever it is.”

“Ha, we don’t have to do it twice a day,” I said.

“Whatever,” she said, “can we change the subject?”

“Do you want to talk about football?”

“NO!”

“Well what else is there to talk about?” I was fast becoming a Canadian and at least I found it funny, but Fran had her mind on something else.

“Tell me about England, Robbie?” She must have been able to see my sudden change of expression. I couldn’t help it and I tried hard to hide any outward signs of emotion or discomfort.

“What do you want to know? It’s a small place on the other side of the ocean, which has a lot of people and a lot of rain.”

“Do you miss it over there? You don’t seem to be homesick at all?” she said.

“You’re right,” I said, “I’m not homesick at all. I suppose I don’t really miss it over there that much anymore. My life is better here. Everything has changed for me in such a short time and it’s been for the better.”

“Well I’m glad that you moved over here,” she said. “Because my life wouldn’t have been nearly as exciting without you in it.” I knew that she meant that. I suppose that I had made a big impact in her life and her words made me feel guilty over my secret friendship with Alex.

‘I shouldn’t have agreed to meet him on Friday. I knew at the time it was a mistake. Why did I do that? I don’t need him in my life’.

“I came over here because it was what my mom wanted for me and I promised her and that was just about the last thing that I said to her, so I was never going to break that promise. I know now that she was right. My mom was always right” Fran reached over and held my hand but I wasn’t about to start tearing up this time. I was learning how to control my emotions a lot better now.

“You never talk about your friends over there, but you must have had friends right? Do you ever keep in touch with them?”

“Yes of course,” I said, “But now I have friends here too and one very special friend.” I squeezed her hand. “I do still kind of miss Tom though, we were very close.”

“Tell me about him;” said Fran, “was he your best friend?”

“Well after my mom died, he was with me all the time and I really mean all the time. We were in a lot of the same classes at school, we used to eat every meal together and I used to sleep with him.” She gave me an odd look. “In the same room I mean.”

“That’s cool.”

“He meant a lot to me. I loved him and it was difficult for me to leave him.”

‘What am I saying; I’m letting my feelings get the better of me here’.

I could see a slight puzzled expression on Fran’s face after I said that. “You two were obviously very close,” she said, “But it’s cool that two guys can be really close like that without having to be gay, if you know what I mean.”

‘No I don’t’!

“People wouldn’t understand that’s why I don’t talk about him a lot. I still think of him all the time though and we still talk on Skype occasionally, but not as often as I would like.”

“I’d like to meet him.”

“You two will get on well. Tom’s quite sensitive, but most people think that he’s moody or shy even. We can talk to him on Skype if you want.”

“That would be cool,” she said, “It seems like he has had a big influence on you.”

“Oh yes. He pulled me through the darkest period of my life,” I said, “and I seriously owe him everything. He was just always there for me, no matter what. I can’t believe that I haven’t seen him now in over three months. I really miss him still.” Fran came over and gave me a quick hug and a kiss and I was able to prevent myself from tearing up. That would have looked really gay.

‘What am I like, every time I talk about the past I seem to burst into tears? If it’s not my mom, it’s Tom. Does everybody hurt like I do, or is it just me’?

You're so different from all the other guys that I know.”

“What do you mean?” I said.

“Well there are not that many guys here who would ever admit that they love their best friend, even though a lot of them probably do. They would be too scared in case people got the wrong impression, but I know that you really mean it when you say that you love him.”

‘She just doesn’t quite get it. Just as well I suppose’.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that,” she said. “You’re a sweet kid with a lot of love in your heart. It’s not fair that you had to experience that kind of thing at such a young age.”

“People go through a lot worse than I did,” I said. “I’m lucky that I had Don and Sue to fall back on and I could come over here and meet new people. They don’t know it but I’m truly grateful for what they’ve done. It hasn’t been easy for them and I know that I haven’t exactly made it that easy for them, but I’m trying hard. They took a chance on me and I wanna pay them back. I want them to be proud of me.”

“Of course they're gonna be proud of you Robbie, why wouldn’t they be?”

“No reason.”