The Cockney Canuck - 51. Chapter 51 Two Sides of Nicola

I could feel my mood changing the moment that I stepped out of the cab and onto the driveway of the house that I was still struggling to think of as home. After our talk with Nathan’s parents, I had been treated well to the point of being spoilt, and I rather enjoyed playing the role of boyfriend. His mom and dad seemed to like me, and his sister had definitely taken a shine to me; smothering me in the same way that she did Nathan, which oddly enough, I quite liked. I knew however that when I returned home, the shields would have to come back down and I would need to go back to the Robbie of old.

As I opened the front door, I could hear Nicola shouting at Daniel. That wasn’t unusual and I tried to block it out as I bypassed the pair of them to get to the stairs.

“Mom, Robbie’s home,” said Nicola, and I stopped on the first stair, expecting to be summoned into the kitchen.

“Hi honey,” said Sue, “can I have a word please, before you disappear?” I sighed and begrudgingly turned around and made my way into the dining room where she was sitting at the table. She looked and sounded cheerful as usual, but it belied an inquisitive nature that was beginning to test my patience. I had long since run out of plausible excuses to explain my increasingly extended absences from the house, and was now relying solely on the right to remain silent. It wasn’t working and the women of the house were determined to prise some answers out of me.

“Hello,” I said, and I offered her a smile.

“Where have you been, anywhere nice?” She always sounded so pleasant when she questioned me, but I was becoming accustomed to her style and I knew that it was more than just a passing statement. She would want a meaningful answer and the truth which I wasn’t prepared to give her.

“Shopping,” I said, showing her the bags of new clothes.

“That’s nice, on your own?”

“No, with a friend from school.”

“Have you eaten, I’ve saved some dinner for you?”

“I’m not really hungry, thanks,” I said, “I did eat earlier.”

“At your friend’s house?”

“Yes; can I go now, I wanna try on these clothes?”

“What did you buy?” asked Nicola, she had been listening of course, and had come over to try and peek into my bags. I pulled them away from her prying eyes, which brought a curt response. “I only wanted to see, geez, you are such a jerk sometimes.”

“I bought myself some new shorts and a top,” I said, pulling the shirt from the bag. It was a timber shirt that Nathan had picked out for me. “Happy now?”

“That’s nice, did your girlfriend choose that?” asked Nicola.

“What girlfriend?”

“Robbie, I don’t believe you chose that yourself, it’s way too stylish for your taste.”

“Don’t be bitchy Nicola,” said Sue, but I was prepared to ignore her. She was right anyway; I probably wouldn’t have bought it, if it hadn’t of been for Nathan. “Robbie, before you go.”

“Yes.”

“You know that you can invite your new friend over here anytime you want,” said Sue. “I would like to meet her one day.”

“It’s not what you think,” I said, “I haven’t got a girlfriend, it’s just a friend that’s all.”

“A boyfriend then?” said Nicola, but I knew that she was clutching at straws; if she had known anything, it would have been all over town by now.

“You could say that.” I paused to see what kind of reaction I would get, but neither of them took the bait. “He’s a friend and he’s also a boy,” I finished.

“Who is it then?” asked Nicola, “at school, the only guys you sit with at lunch are Rory, Nathan or David.”

“What is it with all the questions,” I said, “why can’t everyone just leave me alone? I’m not doing anything wrong. I’ve been coming home every day on time, I haven’t drunk any alcohol since I was grounded, I’ve been helping out around the house, and I’m trying hard not to swear!” Nicola huffed and strolled away, but Sue walked over and ruffled my hair, forcing me to duck my head away and step backwards.

“We’re not picking you, honey,” she said, “and we know that you’ve been trying hard recently. I’m proud of you for that. I just don’t understand why you need to be so secretive lately. We don’t mind you going out with friends, but we would like to know where you are.”

“You don’t trust me, do you?”

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, honey.”

“That means you don’t.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You might as well have.” I shook my head and walked back into the living room. “I know that you’ve been checking through my things.”

“What are talking about?” she said, following me to the stairs.

“Searching my pockets and in my drawers; what are you looking for? I already told you that I don’t do drugs.”

“Robbie, we do trust you, and I promise you that I haven’t been searching through your drawers,” she said. “I check your pockets before they go in the wash, that’s all dear. I do that with everyone’s, even my own.” She reached over to pat my arm as I stood at the top of the stairs, confused.

‘Maybe I am jumping to conclusions? What she said makes sense. All this crap is making me paranoid’.

“I’m sorry,” I said, before uncharacteristically leaning over to give her a quick hug. I don’t know why I felt compelled to do it, but it was a mistake, and I realized this the moment that I saw her studying my face. I took a step back, as her expression changed to concern.

“What happened to your face?”

‘I knew it; she doesn’t miss a fucking thing’!

“Nothing.”

“Let me see,” she said, but as she moved closer, I continued to back away.

“It’s just a rash or something.”

“Well, let me take a look at it and see.”

“No, I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about, honestly.”

“It doesn’t look like a rash to me,” she said, as she narrowed her eyes to study my still sore chin. “Have you been fighting again?”

‘What does she mean fighting again’?

“No! Look it’s nothing okay.” I was relieved when she didn’t follow me any further, but she stood her ground at the top of the stairs so that I had to pass her critical eye, in order to get to the relative safety of the bedroom.

When I entered the room, Daniel was at his computer, staring at the Google homepage. He looked a little hot and flustered as he greeted me, but I resisted the temptation to comment on what it looked like he had been doing before I interrupted. I had been around the internet long enough to know that he had closed down the site that he was visiting the moment he heard the door open, but it made me wonder how he had managed to bypass Don’s ridiculously over-protective parental locks. I had tried on a number of occasions to surf the darker side, but there was probably more chance of me hacking into the Pentagon than snatching a quick perve at some hot guy’s willy.

As Daniel shut down his computer and went to take a shower, I actually felt a little guilty for ruining his bit of boy fun. If I had known what he was up to, then I would have waited upstairs for a while to give him some time, instead of forcing him into the shower to finish off his routine. I still thought of it as his room and it still was. It was his posters that were on the walls; I didn’t even like ice hockey, let alone the Maple Leafs, and I didn’t care much for Oasis either, even if they were English. It was his CD’s, books, and photographs on the shelves, and his gadgets and games everywhere I looked. Even the floor was covered in his discarded clothing, which was difficult for me to bear, but I still felt like a guest in his room. Like a never-ending sleepover.

* * * * *

“I like your glasses, are they real?” I said, studying the computer screen. The image wasn’t the best quality and the picture kept freezing but I could hear his voice crystal clear.

“Yeah, I have to wear them, but at least I can see properly now.”

“I didn’t know you had bad eyes, but you look kinda…good in them.” I nearly tripped up and said sexy, but that was the truth. Five months after I had left England and as far as I was concerned, Tom still looked as hot as ever. His new designer frames made him appear a little older than his fifteen years and a lot more sensible than I knew him to be, but that cheeky sparkle had returned to his piercing eyes and when he smiled at me, it was as if I had never left.

It had been a few weeks since we had last talked on Skype, and it pleased me to see him back to his glorious best. He looked happy again and full of life after the dip that he seemed to go through following my enforced departure. Despite having little choice in the matter, I still felt guilty for leaving him and making him suffer, even though he always refused to admit it. The chirpy Tom that I was speaking to that Sunday morning had gone back to being the boy who I fell in love with in England, and it was easy to see why.

“So why did you split up with your girlfriend?”

“We just weren’t compatible,” I said, but I knew that he wouldn’t buy into such an outrageous lie, even if it was true in a sense.

“Bollocks,” he said, “it’s because she doesn’t have a dick.” His statement made me laugh; he knew me so well. “I knew it wouldn’t last, I can’t even imagine you with a girlfriend.”

“This is why I always make sure that I’m alone before I call you,” I said. “I share a room remember?”

“Oh yeah, sorry,” he said, “how is your sexy new brother anyway? Anything juicy to report on that front?”

“No, of course not, what do you take me for?”

“Just asking…I thought you might be sharing a bed or something by now.”

“You’re a dickhead,” I said, as he laughed. “I have my own bed.”

“That didn’t stop you from jumping in mine every night.”

“That was different,” I said, “I was sleeping on the bloody floor and it was freezing, and anyway, it was you who asked me, remember?” He laughed, but unlike the Tom of a few months ago, he didn’t try to deny our little secret, and that pleased me. “So what about you, what have you been up to lately?”

“I have a girlfriend,” he said, a little bashfully but with a smile. It was good news and something that I had wanted to hear, but it still hurt me inside when he said it, and it may have even shown on my face. I had been expecting it for some time, Tom was a nice-looking boy with a great personality and many of the girls in school considered him a good catch. For his own well-being, I wanted to be happy for him, but the sudden feeling of resentment took me completely by surprise and for a few seconds I struggled to portray any joy at his statement. Once again, I was consumed by guilt as I noticed his own cheerful expression quickly fade into concern. I knew that I had no right to feel bad about him finding somebody else to spend his time with, but it didn’t make it any easier, and I couldn’t understand why.

‘Am I jealous after all this time, do I still have those kinds of feelings for him? How can I feel bad about him being with someone else when I’m doing the same thing? And I love Nathan, I know I do’.

“Her name is Jennifer,” he continued, although he seemed a little less enthusiastic now. “I don’t think that you know her, she’s new in school.”

“Is she nice looking?”

‘What a stupid question to ask, I don’t even want to know what she looks like’.

“Of course, you dick, do you think that I’d go out with a dog?”

“Well, I’m happy that you met somebody…a girl I mean. So you finally gave in to the opposite sex huh?”

He looked me in the eyes and gave me a warm smile that could still have melted my heart had we not been three and a half thousand miles apart. “I’ve had girlfriends before you know? But yeah, it was always gonna happen one day.”

“She’s a lucky girl,” I said, “I’m gonna want to meet her, you know? On Skype.” He had said the same thing to me when I told him about Fran, but I never gave him the opportunity and I hoped that I wouldn’t get one either.

“You will don’t worry mate. I’ll call you next time she comes over.”

‘Next time she comes over. Does that mean she’s stay’s over, is he screwing her already? No way would his parents allow that’.

I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t think of a polite way of doing it. Perhaps this was an indication of how distant we had become. In the past, I wouldn’t have hesitated to grill him for some tasty gossip.

“So what really happened with that girl you were seeing then?” he asked.

Before I called him, I had been toying with the idea of telling him about Nathan, but decided against it at the last moment for fear of hurting his feelings. There was no longer any reason to withhold this from him, so I smiled and decided to come clean.

“You were right,” I said, “she didn’t have a dick.”

He laughed. “So did you meet someone who does, or are you still looking?”

“Yeah, I met somebody.”

“Wow, that’s cool. Is he nice? Wait, forget I said that, of course he’s nice. I’m really happy for you mate…honestly. You weren’t cut out to be straight.”

“I tried,” I said, “I gave it my best shot, but I dunno…Fran was a nice girl…but you know.”

“Did you like…do anything with her?”

“Yes of course.”

“But you didn’t like it?”

“I liked it but…well, girls are okay you know, but they’re not like the real thing.” It made him laugh and I joined him, but despite his better mood we never really managed to relax and find the same comfort level that we once shared. We had been inseparable for years, but we were now quickly growing apart and we both knew it. Our frequent and uncomfortable silences provided yet more proof of this, and in the end, I think that we were both looking for excuses to end our conversation.

When we did hang-up, I shut down the computer and sat back in the chair for a couple of minutes to remember all the good times we had. It made me a little weepy, but at least I didn’t cry. Those goodbyes were becoming a lot easier to handle after five months, but it was clear to me that there was still a part of Tom in my heart that probably would never go away, and I didn’t want it to either.

* * * * *

I was always under the impression that Nicola didn’t like me. Even the day that I arrived she had seemed a little offish, and I had been unsure about how to take her. Maybe she saw me as a threat to her dominance in the house. As the eldest kid, she usually got her own way, and Daniel and Amy would generally allow her to boss them around without complaining too much. Before arriving in Canada, I wasn’t used to having a bossy big sister telling me what to do, or anyone telling me what to do for that matter. It was hardly surprising therefore that we would clash and as we both had that stubborn streak that ran through the family, arguments I suppose were inevitable.

I knew that brothers and sisters argued with each other even in the most harmonious of families, and I had always expected my sudden arrival in the family to cause a certain amount of friction. In the beginning, it was Daniel who I was most concerned about. After the novelty wore off, I was sure that he would begrudge giving up half of his room to me and all of his privacy. He was a good-natured boy, but there would have been times when I pissed him off, and our ages were too close not to have the occasional row. Instead, it was Nicola who had become my main adversary within the family and we had had several quite verbal disagreements that were left simmering before we both went for each other that Sunday afternoon.

It was my job to clear the table after dinner and put everything in the dishwasher, while Daniel made tea for everyone. Nicola would help Sue prepare the meal and lay the table. Her job was over the moment dinner was served and after eating; she would disappear downstairs to watch television, leaving me to clear up.

I had left my phone in the bedroom but I could hear my distinctive ring tone from the kitchen and I made my way downstairs to retrieve it. I knew who it would probably be, but I was in no rush to answer. If it was Nathan, then he would allow it to ring three times and hang up, then I would call him back in a few minutes from the relative safety of the garden. That was the new plan that we had agreed upon to counter any attempts by the members of my family to unearth my increasingly suspicious activity. I had also changed his name on my phone to Adam, which was Nathan’s middle name, and it was a decision that paid off immediately, as I heard Nicola answering my phone within the allotted three rings. He must have hung up the moment that he heard her voice, but I wasn’t happy about her blatant incursion into my private life and I scowled at her as I snatched the phone away.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I demanded, “don’t answer my phone.”

“Fuck you,” she said, quiet enough for only me to hear her. “I was doing you a favour, what’s the big secret anyway?”

“You wasn’t doing me a favour; you were being nosey.”

“Well, whoever Adam is, hung up when he heard my voice, so your little secret’s still safe.”

“It’s not a secret.”

“Yeah right, that’s why he hung up, dickhead. You must think I’m stupid. What are you going to do now, go into the garden and call him back, or call her back, more like it.”

Nothing hurts quite like the truth and Nicola had the ability to rile me like nobody else. She had, of course, got it pretty much spot on, all except for the sex and identity of the mystery person. Only a few hours previous to this, I had been congratulating myself for outsmarting them, but in hindsight, I suppose it must have been quite obvious what I was up to and my reaction would only have confirmed it.

“Fuck off, you know nothing about me!”

“Who is it that you’re fooling around with, that you’re so scared of anyone finding out about? Is it a teacher, Mrs Reigor?” She laughed to mock me, but her tone was serious and her expression was filled with hatred.

“Yeah right,” I said, sarcastically. Mrs Reigor was close to retirement age.

“Was it Adam, who you went shopping with yesterday?”

“Why do you need to know?”

“Why be so secretive?”

“Because unlike you, I don’t want my life broadcast to everyone. I don’t need to be fucking popular all the time.” It was a fairly hefty blow to her self-esteem and one that I had been saving up for just such an encounter. It had her rocking, but she retaliated with some heavy artillery of her own that I wasn’t expecting.

“I know about you Robbie,” she hissed, “I know your dirty little secret.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW FUCK!”

“Wanna bet, DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT OUT LOUD?” Her shouting got Sue’s attention, who yelled at us from the top of the stairs, but I ignored her as the red mist descended.

“SAY WHAT? You’re just trying to cause trouble for me. If you want to tell tales then go ahead and tell them, see if I care.”

“You’ll be sorry,” she said, through gritted teeth.

“You two stop it please,” said Sue, but once again her pleas fell on death ears.

“Don’t make me laugh,” I said, “I’m not scared of you.” I was certain that I could see steam coming from her ears, as she narrowed her eyes at me, and clenched her fists. It looked as if she was about to lose it and my instincts told me to back off, but the devil in me told me to push her even further. “You’re a fucking bitch.”

“Don’t push your luck,” she sneered as she put her face up to mine.

“I don’t have any luck to push,” I said.

“Oh, you poor little boy. Let’s all feel sorry for Robbie, because he doesn't want to be here, and he’s had such a bad fucking life. Let’s all run around and do things for him. Isn’t that what you want? Everybody to feel sorry for you all the time. You treat everybody like shit, and we all have to be nice to you because you’re upset. EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING SCARED OF SAYING THE WRONG THING TO YOU, BUT NOT ME!”

“NICOLA!” It was Don, shouting from his study. “COME HERE PLEASE.”

Nicola screwed her face up at me, but I just folded my arms and smiled annoyingly at her, as she turned away to explain to her dad. “Now you’re gonna get grounded,” I said and laughed, but it was short lived.

“YOU TOO ROBBIE!”

‘Shit’!

We weren’t grounded, but we did have to stand in front of Don’s desk while he gave us a long-winded lecture about respecting each other’s opinions and learning to live with each other, plus a few other well-worn clichés. He reminded Nicola that I was, or soon would be, her adopted brother, and she would have to get used to me being around, but she just rolled her eyes. Then he turned his attention to me.

“Robbie. You know that we all think a lot of you, and we’ve all tried very hard to make you feel part of the family.” I looked over at Nicola, who standing beside me glaring. I was pretty sure that she didn’t want me there. “We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we? I’m not making an exception for you anymore. You need to play by the same rules as everyone else. I don’t want to hear my kids using foul language around the house, and that includes you. I get the feeling that you’re trying to see how far you can push us, but the honeymoon period is officially over. I promised your mother that we would treat you the same as the others; that’s what she wanted. I know it’s been difficult for you, but sometimes I get the impression that you’re not even trying to fit in.”

“I am trying,” I mumbled, then I looked across at Nicola, who had taken my stance from earlier, smiling at me with her arms folded.

“Good, now apologise to one another and get on with whatever you’re doing. You don’t have to like each other, but you do have to live in the same house, so it would be easier for all of us if you could at least learn to be civil.” We glanced uneasily at each other, but neither wanted to apologise. “You can both stay here then until you say sorry,” he said.

“Fine…I’m sorry,” said Nicola, in a huff, without even looking at me.

I shuffled my feet and shook my head as Don stared and waited. “Sorry,” I said flicking my head only slightly towards her, before resting my eyes on the desk in front of me.

* * * * *

I managed to avoid Nicola for the rest of the day, and we didn’t speak to one another until Tuesday afternoon at school, following an incident in the main corridor. It was busy and I was walking to my final lesson of the day when I noticed a guy heading towards me. He was taller than me and looked like he was in grade twelve. I didn’t recognize him at all, but he was staring right at me as if he wanted to talk to me. I stared back at him, thinking that he would look away, but he didn’t, and as he neared, I chose to sidestep him and move out of his way. He looked as if he was angry at something or somebody, but I had no reason to believe that it was me. He kept eye contact with me until we were almost level, before veering over and pushing me hard into the lockers with his shoulder. The attack caught completely unawares and I crumpled, falling to my knees and dropping my books.

“Outta my way fag!” he said, and then laughed with his friends. I wasn’t really hurt, but I was surprised and shocked as I picked myself and my books from the floor. I had never seen this guy before, but obviously, he knew me and knew something about me that I thought was under wraps. My mind was in a spin as I stood there looking back at him, rubbing my shoulder.

“Are you okay, who is that jerk?” It was Nicola and I felt her hand on my arm as I turned to face her.

“I’m alright. I don’t know why he did that; maybe he got me mixed up with somebody else.”

“What did he say to you?”

“I dunno, he just told me to get out of his way or something. It’s not important.”

“He just attacked you for no reason, you should report this, do you want me to go with you to the office?”

“No, forget about it, really, I’m okay.”

“I’ll find out who he is,” she said, “fucking asshole.”

“Look, I don’t need your help!” She gave me a stern look and I expected her to turn on me too, but she just shook her head and went to walk away. “Nicola.” I grabbed her arm and she spun around.

“What?”

“Thank you,” I said, “I mean that.”

She huffed and walked off. “Whatever.”

‘Normal service resumed’.

As I continued my walk to class, I wasn’t sure what surprised me the most, the unforeseen attack by some brute, who I had never met, or Nicola’s reaction to it. In different circumstances, I would probably have been grateful for her help and concern for my well-being. However, this was an incident that I didn’t want to take any further. It was obvious that he knew or had heard something about me, and I didn’t want to fan the flames by asking questions or reporting the incident. I was happy to forget about it and hope that he would too.

‘He doesn’t know anything, it’s just a silly rumour. He’s probably just seen me sitting and talking to Nathan a lot and decided to have a pop at me. He’ll probably forget about me and find someone else to pick on tomorrow. That’s if Nicola doesn’t get to him first and stir things up’.

I found it ironic that even when Nicola was on my side and defending me—which was hardly ever—she was still causing me problems and making life difficult, even if it was unintentional.