The Cockney Canuck - 134. Chapter 134 Happy New Year

There was a little over half a day remaining before the end of the year, and I was still in my bed with no intention of getting up. I had my reasons. After a tumultuous twelve months in which my life had changed beyond all recognition, I didn’t want to take a chance on anything else going wrong.

It was easier to blame all my misfortunes on a year rather than admit to making mistakes, or being a victim of circumstance. Now with the end in sight, my bed seemed like the safest place to be.

It was time to reflect. In two-thousand-and-ten, I was forced to leave my best friend, nearly died in a coma, ran away from home, was sexually assaulted, came close to suicide, and faced constant discrimination from my adopted parents. It’s no wonder I ended up on the list of the most at-risk teenagers. But it wasn’t all bad.

My friend, Jamie, taught me how to focus on the positives, and I had to admit, there were also moments that year of extreme happiness. Times when I truly believed I was the luckiest guy alive, and the person most responsible for those rare bright spots was Nathan.

In my heart, I always knew it was a mistake to leave him. It took four months before I was finally able to admit it to myself, but that day I finally conceded. Conner was a nice guy. Caring, thoughtful, and kind, with a great body and a cool family, who allowed us to have sex whenever we wanted. He didn’t wear makeup or outlandish clothing, and he didn’t embarrass me when we were out. On paper, he ticked all the boxes, but we just weren’t compatible. We didn’t click in the way I knew we should, and something was missing. Something I needed, which Conner didn’t have, but Nathan had in abundance.

A sense of humour.

No one made me laugh more that year than Nathan. Probably no one had ever made me laugh more than him, and it made a huge difference. He made me feel good about myself, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

Nathan was the most challenging person I had ever met. A livewire who was sometimes impossible to match. He could be unpredictable and precocious with an ego the size of Mars, but he also made me happy in a way I wasn’t able to replicate without him.

There was certainly no denying our sexual chemistry. It was evident whenever our paths crossed, and it hadn’t diminished at all despite months apart. But it went beyond sex. I seemed to come alive whenever I was in his company. I fed off his enthusiasm and encouraged his wacky humour. It was a pity other people couldn’t see him in the same light.

People like Don, for example, who treated Nathan as if he was the anti-Christ, intent on destroying his family and turning his kids against him. He was the embodiment of everything Don feared all rolled into one.

My adopted father’s recent transformation into a somewhat normal human mirrored his behaviour before he discovered I was sleeping with the enemy. I put this down to Jo’s arrival on the scene, but Don’s relaxing of the rules also coincided with the noticeable absence of Nathan around the house.

Conner was far more acceptable. He may have been a freak, but at least he didn’t look like one, and this suited Don’s superficial nature down to the ground. I got the feeling he no longer cared about what I did as long as no one knew about it. I should have been happy, because it signalled a victory I hadn’t even noticed, but created a problem I couldn’t ignore.

Don had surrendered. He would accept me for who I was. There was no more talk of me being confused or led astray. I was a queer, a defect, a product of an unfortunate childhood, but without Nathan, I was no longer a threat.

My adopted father wasn’t stupid. Jo had the authority to jump all over him, and he knew it. Removing me from his care would have been a major embarrassment and probably ended his marriage, so he opted for damage limitation and an unofficial truce.

I should have been jumping around the room instead of lying in bed, but it was a hollow victory because it meant there was no way I was ever going to be able to get back with Nathan, even if we both wanted to. It was his recent behaviour which convinced me there was a chance to rekindle our relationship. He couldn’t have made it any more obvious.

‘Why else would he invite me to Ginny’s party? Who invites their ex to a party’?

But if this were his plan, then I would have to resist. Ditching Conner for Nathan would prove apocalyptic for my long term well-being. Don would have seen it as an open declaration of war, and my life would have been plunged back into the dark ages. I didn’t want to fight him anymore, even with Jo on my side, so if I wanted a boyfriend, I would have to stick with Conner. At least until I was old enough to move out and that was still almost two years away.

Having passed Don’s evaluation, Conner was due to make his first visit to our house later that day before accompanying Daniel and me to Ginny’s party. Sue said he could stay overnight and had allocated him the bed of death, but her concerns about us hooking up were unfounded. I didn’t particularly fancy starting the new year playing host to Conner’s dick, and he seemed reluctant to trying anything else.

It was my fault. By being so flexible in the beginning, I had made a rod for my own backside. A frequently used rod, which was beginning to take its toll on a delicate part of my anatomy. I probably wasn’t a dedicated bottom after all, and I should never have relaxed the rules of entry, but I was expecting a little more variety from a boy with his pedigree. We had been screwing for little more than a week, and our love life was already resembling Groundhog Day.

I was planning to take matters into my own hand the moment Daniel jumped in the shower. He was playing games on his computer when Nicola tapped on the door to prise me from my bed.

“Mom wants to know if you're sick.” She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed and glanced at her watch. “It’s eleven-thirty.”

“Sick of you keep waking me up.”

My sister twitched her nose and pulled a face. “You wasn’t asleep, and it smells in here.”

“Only since you came in.”

“It’s a boy smell, and it’s disgusting.” She pointed to a discarded pair of boxer shorts; one of several items of clothing scattered around the floor. The perpetrator, sensing our eyes on him, turned his head briefly from his game.

“I’ll clean up later, okay.”

It wasn’t important to Nicola. She ignored him and turned her attention back to me. I knew she was under instructions from above.

“Are you getting up?”

“No!”

She smiled at me before calling upstairs to Sue. “He’s not well, Mom. You’d better get down here!”

‘Bitch’!

I knew Sue would cancel my night out if she thought I was sick, so the moment I heard her coming downstairs, I jumped out of bed and threw on a t-shirt. I was sitting at my desk when she marched into the room.

“She’s lying,” I said. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“I can see that, dear. But you can’t stay in bed all day.”

“I’m not in bed.”

Sue was unimpressed. “Then put some clothes on, you're getting worse than Daniel. It looks bad if anyone visits.”

Technically she was wrong. My brother was wearing even less than me, and Sue was ignoring one crucial fact.

“This is our bedroom. It’s where we get changed. Visitors shouldn’t come in here, and if they do, then they’re not the type of people who you should have as friends.” Daniel agreed with me. He laughed but remained loyal to his game, and his eyes never left the screen.

“Who’s visiting, anyway?” he asked.

“I said if someone visits,” said Sue. “And it smells in here.”

“Nooo!” An annoying digital jingle signalled the end of Daniel’s game and was followed by a frustrated groan. He slammed his control pad on the desk in a rare display of temper that had the rest of us fighting to keep a straight face. Then he swivelled his chair and turned on his mom. “You mean like Mr Andrews?”

I raised my eyebrows and stared at my brother, then at Sue, and then back again at Daniel.

‘Does he know about their affair’?

I thought I was the only one.

My brother’s wild statement wiped the smile from Sue’s face. She was at a loss for words. It wasn’t possible to look any guiltier.

An awkward couple of seconds felt more like minutes before Stephanie broke the silence from the family room.

“I’m a visitor!”

I recognised her cheerful tone and laughed with Nicola at her friend’s timely interjection. I didn’t even know she was there.

“No, you're not,” said Nicola. “You live here.”

She had a point; lately, Stephanie had spent more nights at our house than Daniel.

My brother had been sleeping over at Nathan’s most of the week after re-igniting their friendship. It was proof that Nathan wasn’t seeing anyone, unless, of course, it was Daniel.

I admit the thought had crossed my mind. It would explain their recent odd behaviour and why they were suddenly inseparable, almost as if handcuffed together. It was no secret that Nathan used to have a crush on his best friend, so why wouldn’t he try his luck now? I would have in his position. Daniel was fair game, and Nathan was a more than competent poker player.

It would only have taken one moment of hesitation for Nathan to pounce. A nagging curiosity perhaps, coupled with the promise of instant satisfaction for Daniel to surrender his virtue to Nathan’s seductive charm. My ex-boyfriend could be very persuasive when he wanted something, and there was nothing he wanted more than my brother.

Perversely, I kind of wished it was true because it would have removed my problem altogether. But I knew it was just me. My fascination with Nathan was such; I found it difficult to believe any adolescent boy could resist such temptation. My head was awash with conspiracy theories. No one was safe.

Sue was trying to get my attention.

“Robbie, are you listening?”

“What?”

“I asked you what time Conner was getting here.”

“Conner? Oh, not until tonight, about seven, I think.”

“And what time will you be home from the party?”

“I dunno, when it ends, I suppose.”

“No. You’ll be home at twelve-thirty with Daniel.”

“Then why did you ask me if you already knew?”

“Because I wanted to be sure you knew.”

Daniel was moaning. Yesterday, he had successfully pleaded with his mom to be allowed to go with us to Ginny’s party. With Nathan almost co-hosting, it would have been unfair to deny him, and I helped to argue his case. Now he wanted to extend our curfew. I liked his style.

“That’s too early for New Year’s Eve. We’ll have to leave at midnight,” he said.

Nicola agreed. “No one leaves a party that early on New Year’s Eve, Mom.”

“So what time do you think would be appropriate?”

Sue directed her question at me—the least capable of a sensible answer—so I looked to Nicola for advice. She was standing behind her mom, holding up two fingers.

“Two,” I said.

“One-thirty,” said Sue and my sister nodded, urging me to accept.

“One forty-five?” As I spoke, Nicola cringed and drew a line across her throat, but Sue surprised us all.

“Okay, but not a minute later.” She turned to go back upstairs, and I punched the air in an elaborate, silent celebration with Daniel. Then froze as she appeared again in the doorway.

“I don’t have to remind you to act responsibly. That means no alcohol, drugs, or indecent behaviour.”

“Blimey, is it even worth going.”

“It’s not a joke, Robbie. I trust you. And you Daniel.”

My brother rolled his eyes and looked bored. “It’s not gonna be that kind of party, Mom. It’s only gonna be kids our age and Nathan’s parents will be there. There won't be any alcohol.”

He was persuasive, and Daniel never lied.

“So who is this Ginny girl then?” said Sue. “Can I have her number?”

“There’s no point,” I said. “She won’t answer unless you're a close friend. She gets a lot of hate calls and stuff.”

Nicola was shaking her head in dismay, telling me to shut up, but Sue had other things on her plate.

“We might not be here when you get home, dear.”

“Where are you going?”

“Out. You're not the only ones with something to do tonight.”

“But where?” I looked at Nicola, who was trying to mouth something to me, but Sue cottoned on to her surreptitious signalling and followed my eyes to glare at her daughter. It was funny, but I dared not laugh.

“Never mind,” said Sue. “I’ve made the bed upstairs for Conner. Make sure he’s in it when we get back. Understand?”

“Of course,” I said. “Er, exactly what time will that be?”

Sue had a quick laugh as she walked away. “I don’t know, but even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. I’m trusting you, so don’t let me down.”

“Don’t worry; I will.”

I waited until I heard her at the top of the stairs before following Nicola into the family room, buzzing around her like a fly for more information. “Who’s looking after Amy then?”

My sister shrugged and sat on the couch next to Stephanie, who looked amused by my lack of clothing. She had seen me in less, but it didn’t stop me from scampering back to the bedroom. It was odd how I was no longer bothered by Nicola seeing me in my underwear but still felt the need to cover up in front of a girl who had already laid her hands on everything I had to offer.

*     *     *

It wasn’t difficult to work out what was going on. I saw Don carry an overnight bag to the car, and when they left, they took Amy with them. I knew it was unlikely they would bring her back in the middle of the night, so I went to relay the information to Daniel, and tell him to hurry up. Conner was due any minute, and I wanted to leave as soon as he arrived.

I threw open the door and startled Daniel. He was standing in front of the mirror, holding his dick at an impossible angle.

“They’ve taken Amy with them,” I said, then stared at him as he struggled to hide his penis in the front of his boxer shorts. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing, just looking in the mirror.”

As he walked away, blushing. I opened my mouth to say something, then thought better of it.

‘Guilty as sin’.

“Well, hurry up and get dressed. Conner will be here soon.”

“So, it’s only eight o’clock. Nathan told me not to get there until nine. You can take Conner upstairs and show him his room while you're waiting for me to get ready.” My brother winked at me, but I had no intention of following his sordid advice. The reason I wanted to leave so early in the first place was to avoid being compromised by Conner, but I couldn’t explain this to Daniel.

“It’s not necessary to have sex all the time. It’s overrated.”

“How would I know?”

“Well, why don’t you take him upstairs and show him his room then?”

Daniel glared at me as he fastened his shirt buttons. “I’m good, thanks. Besides, I’m meeting a girl tonight at the party.”

‘So maybe he’s not messing around with Nathan, after all’.

“Who?”

“Just a girl from school. You don’t know her.”

“So that’s why you wanted to go to the party.” I leaned against my desk, doing my best Sherlock Holmes and watched him comb his hair in the mirror. “I thought you wanted to hang out with me.”

“Duh, noooo.”

“Hmmm, and it’s probably the reason you were checking out your dick when I walked in. You must be expecting some action tonight.”

He confirmed my accusation by throwing his hairbrush at me. I was starting to embarrass my brother. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was the same age as Nathan.

“Are Nathan’s parents really gonna be at the party tonight?”

“No, I just said that to make her feel better.”

“So you lied?”

“Well, sort of.”

“No, it was definitely a lie. Was that your first time?”

“Yes,” he smirked.

“Bollocks, I don’t believe you. How do I know you're not lying now?”

“Whatever, dude.”

“Well, congratulations,” I slapped him on the back. “You're no longer a virgin when it comes to lying. Maybe tonight you can make it a double celebration. I expect you to notify me when it happens.”

He groaned. “That is so not gonna happen.”

*     *     *

The doorbell rang dead on eight, but I was already waiting in the hall.

“Welcome to my humble abode.”

My boyfriend chuckled as I waved to his mom and closed the door. A kiss was quickly followed by a tongue and a roving pair of cold hands under my t-shirt. They brought goosebumps to my flesh as he gently pushed me back against the wall.

“Are we alone?”

“No, we’re never alone in this house.”

He turned his head, looking towards the deserted kitchen. “Funny, I can’t see anyone.”

“There are cameras everywhere. They’re always watching me.”

“I would too,” he said. “If I had the chance.” He smiled and kissed my neck.

“Hey, Conner.” Nicola’s voice and sudden appearance at the top of the stairs made him jump and gave me the impetus to push him away.

I wiped my face in the mirror as Conner retreated into his shell. He wasn’t the best conversationalist and was particularly shy when it came to girls he didn’t know very well. Nicola had a hard time getting him to talk, but I think I preferred this version of him over the slobbering octopus he became whenever we were alone. It was the only way I could stay dry.

We had to wait for Daniel, so I rescued Conner from a fate worse than death and took him upstairs to show him his room.

“Is Nicola always so talkative?”

“You're lucky Amy isn’t here,” I said. “She would know all about you by now. Maybe you’ll get to meet her tomorrow.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“So is she.” I threw open the door to the spare room. “And this is where you’ll be sleeping. Cool huh. It’s warmer than your room, but I suppose most places are—even really cold places.”

As he sat on the bed, it squeaked and rocked towards the wall.

“Are we gonna be okay in here? The bed’s kinda small and feels like it’s gonna collapse.”

“Oh, it will, for sure. It won’t survive your kind of recreation. That’s why you're in here, and I’m downstairs in the safe bed.”

He stood up and chuckled, before cornering me and pressing his lips into mine. Conner was a good kisser and this time I didn’t put up any resistance.

“Are you sure I can’t sneak down in the night?”

“Definitely not. Daniel wouldn’t like it.”

“I’m not interested in Daniel. Can’t we bribe him to sleep on the couch or something?”

“No! I wouldn’t even ask. Besides, he doesn’t need the money. We can hook up when I visit in the week. But tonight’s gonna be impossible. Sorry.”

‘Is it too much of a problem to wait a few days’?

For me, it wasn’t; I could have waited a month.

“It’s only been one day, Conner. We’ve had a lot of sex in the past week. I need a little recovery time, okay?” I hugged him, then pushed him away. “Oh, and a word of warning, don’t try to jerk off in that bed or the whole world will hear you.”

“Sounds like you're speaking from experience.”

“He is,” said Nicola. She giggled as she passed the open door on the way to her room, leaving me blushing.

“It’s not true. She’s just trying to embarrass me.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he whispered. “My sister caught me jerking off once. It’s natural to masturbate.”

“I know, but she didn’t catch me.”

“You're shy.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Excuse me,” said Nicola. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but if you guys come back here tonight, can you sleep downstairs, please? I won't tell mom. But I don’t wanna listen to whatever it is you do together.” She walked off, leaving me shaking my head.

‘Thanks, Nicola’.

I wanted to kill her and Conner looked like he wanted to kill me.

“I thought you said your parents were gonna be here.”

“They might, no one knows for sure.”

“We could always turn up late.” He kicked the door shut, but I pushed him away and opened it again.

‘Did he not hear me when I said I needed some recovery time? Maybe I don’t need a boyfriend’.

The idea was beginning to grow on me, but whatever happened, clearly it wasn’t going to work with Conner. Don and Sue had left a loophole the size of Alaska that night, begging to be abused. I should have been planning a night of rampant sex, instead of trying to conceal it from my boyfriend, so I didn’t have to sleep with him.

The recovery time was just an excuse. I didn’t want to do it with Conner because it was always the same thing and all about him. If I was going to have to put up with a bit of pain, it needed to be worth it.

It was crazy; we were still supposed to be in the honeymoon phase. Had it been Nathan, we would probably have missed the party altogether, and Nicola wouldn’t have got a wink of sleep, no matter where we were in the house.

*     *     *

It felt strange going out with my brother and even stranger when we got to Ginny’s where my exuberant ex joined us. He greeted us each with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, before taking our coats and leading us into the smoky kitchen.

There were a lot of people, and most of them looked older than us. I glanced at Daniel as he wiped Nathan’s lipstick from his cheek.

“I thought you said it was a kid’s party.” It wasn’t what I was expecting at all, and certainly nothing like the description he gave to Sue.

The music was unbearably loud, and the sweet aroma of cannabis hung in the air stinging my eyes. I took a deep breath and followed my nose to the back door where Ginny was smoking a joint with a group of older looking teenagers. She was one-third black leather and two thirds ultra-pale skin, topped off with a pair of purple lips which she pressed against my cheek.

“Thanks for showing up,” she said. “It’s gonna be wild. Have you seen Nathan yet?”

“Yeah, he’s standing next to me.”

Ginny’s eyes weren’t far off the colour of Nathan’s scarlet lipstick, and she had a silly grin as she asked me for twenty dollars.

“Your contribution towards the beer and liquor.” It sounded like a good deal, but there were some conditions which she felt obliged to spit into my ear. “You can drink whatever you want, but you can’t take anything with you. If you puke, you clean it up, and if we get raided, you don’t know me. Understand?”

I nodded as someone squeezed past behind me, pushing us into a position that would have scared the living daylights out of most kids in our school.

The kitchen was crowded, and the loud music made it impossible to hear someone unless you got very close. Nathan was about as close as it was possible to be, and I was staring at his tonsils and admiring his teeth as he talked. The benefits of having a dad who was a dentist. I had an appointment with him in the new year.

I wasn’t expecting to be put under this much pressure straight away, but it was a nice feeling and familiar territory. The last time we were that close, I had my dick inside him, and it felt like it was trying to get back there on its own. I got the impression Nathan wouldn’t mind if it did.

“You look hot in that leather jacket.”

He glanced down at himself as if he suddenly forgot what he was wearing and wiggled his butt provocatively.

“Thanks, you don’t look bad yourself.”

I chuckled. “No, I meant you look hot as in … oh never mind.” He deserved the compliment. I knew how much time and effort he would have put into his appearance, and it certainly paid dividends.

If this was for my benefit, then it was an immediate success. Sparks were flying between us as we talked excitedly about nothing in particular. I was sure we were heating the entire room, and even Ginny in her zoned out state noticed it.

Whatever we said was inconsequential, the real conversation was conducted with our eyes, expressions, and body language. So much for resisting temptation. Don could go to hell. I was ready to jump in bed with Nathan right there and then.

‘Why can’t I feel like this with Conner’?

It was unfair to be denied such pleasures for the sake of appeasing Don’s insecurities.

“Seems like we got you in a sandwich,” said Nathan, but I didn’t know what he was talking about until I noticed Conner standing behind me. He looked bewildered and out of place but smiled when he saw me.

Nathan also had a smile on his face, and it was one I knew well but hadn’t seen for a while. As much as I enjoyed being the filling in his sandwich, I was sure Conner wouldn’t fancy being at the bottom, so I bailed out and pretended I needed to talk to Daniel. Flustered and confused, I walked straight into Ginny rebounding off a pair of loosely guarded breasts I didn’t know she had.

She gave me a mean look and adjusted her bikini-like top, but she would have known any contact from me was purely accidental. Ginny was still an unknown quantity. No one knew which way she leaned. I don’t think she even knew half the time.

We were creating a bottle-neck, and it was getting too crowded, so she ordered everyone out of the kitchen and yelled at someone to turn the music down. As Nathan went to get the beer, I reached down to adjust myself, not caring if anyone saw me. It had to be done.

Ginny lived in a small house in a shabby neighbourhood close to downtown. Most people avoided the area, but Cobourg’s equivalent of Compton didn’t have a lot of crime. You probably had more chance of being hit by one of the mile-long freight trains that thundered along the end of her back yard, than a stray bullet.

The dilapidated bungalow belonged to Ginny’s older step-brother and was way too small for that many people. The two bedrooms were out of bounds and locked from the inside, leaving a kitchen, living room, and a large basement which was where most of the people were heading.

I grabbed Conner’s arm and followed Daniel into the sparsely furnished living room where he was waiting for his girl.

“This is cool,” he said, and I had to agree. I had never been to a party like this before—a real house party, with loud music and no adult supervision. Sue would never have allowed us to go had she known.

“There are a lot of gay people here,” said Conner and I was thinking the same thing. Some were quite obvious.

“When we walked in I saw two guys holding hands,” said Daniel. “And in the hall, there were two kids older than us who were kissing, but one of them looked like a girl.”

I scratched my head. “One looked like a girl?”

“I’m pretty sure she was.”

“Okay. Thanks for your input, detective. Nothing gets past you, does it?”

Conner laughed, but he looked a little apprehensive. I noticed my blond Swedish farm boy was attracting some unwanted attention from a group of new arrivals standing next to us. I thought it was funny, but he looked genuinely rattled by some of their not so subtle glances.

“You should be flattered,” I said. “No one’s looking at me.”

“Or me,” said Daniel. I thought it was a strange thing to say, but my brother looked utterly unfazed by the larger than average contingent of possibly queer folk.

‘I wonder what Don would think’.

There was no doubting Conner’s appeal to both sexes. He may well have been the hottest guy at the party, and it was easy to see why. He was a sportsman with a body that made him look much older than sixteen. Next to him, Daniel and I were as bland as the wallpaper in Ginny’s living room.

Maybe I should have been more concerned with the attention my boyfriend was receiving. Daniel seemed to think so.

“You guys don’t even look like your friends let alone boyfriends. Conner looks single. If you kissed him or held his hand or something gay like that, then it would show them he wasn’t available, and they would leave him alone.”

For a virgin, my brother had this dating game pretty much wrapped up, and I had to bow to his superior acumen. He watched as I surprised Conner with a quick kiss on the lips.

I could almost feel the disappointment as the hottest boy in the room put his arms around a guy who no one even noticed. Isn’t it always the way. I was probably the least deserving of such attention, but Conner didn’t think so, and he returned my boldness with a quick grope and some Swedish tongue wrestling. His shyness seemed intermittent, but in my mind, this was merely a consolation prize. He would need to do a lot better to compete against the boy I had already kicked into touch.

Daniel’s sound advice worked, but he was quick to reprimand me for being over-enthusiastic.

“Geez, I said to kiss him not put on a show. I’d be careful if I were you. It looked like you were trying to rub it in.”

“I was, but he wouldn’t let me.”

“You're disgusting.”

Maybe I wasn’t the most popular guy in the room, but I was learning that love often defies logic. While I would have been the first to admit Conner was boxing above his weight, few would have believed that my interest was not with the handsome Swede, but with the scrawny fem-boy who danced behind me.

In my mind, Nathan was still the best-looking boy on the planet, and that was all that mattered.

“That was hot. What time’s the next show?”

I guessed Nathan was referring to our little frolic.

“Don’t hold your breath,” I said.

“There’s nothing else to hold around here.” He stood in front of me and placed something cold between my legs. “That should dampen your ardour. You don’t want to blow too soon. I know what you're like!”

“Yikes! Oh, it’s a beer. Thanks.”

“What did you think it was?” Nathan rolled his eyes at me before turning his attention to my boyfriend, but Conner refused.

“Not for me, I don’t drink.”

It was news to me, although I remembered him turning down alcohol at Fran’s party.

“You don’t mind if I have one, though, do you?” I don’t know why I felt the need to ask Conner’s permission before raising the bottle to my lips, but it was Nathan who answered for him.

“Of course he doesn’t, do you, Conner?”

Conner shook his head, but I was sure he didn’t approve. It was something else we didn’t agree on. They were popping up like daisies.

Nathan was in top form. It was the reason why I was there and probably the reason why Conner didn’t want to go. He was only there because of me. My boyfriend had wanted to spend the night at the farm with Rory and Rebecca playing pyjama Twister. It was a difficult decision. The thought of being tied in a human knot with a bare-foot, blond-haired stallion almost won the day, but I made the right choice.

Nathan didn’t usually drink beer, but he made short work of the one Conner didn’t want, and it looked like it wasn’t his first.

“How many have you had, Nathan?”

“That would be telling,” he flirted. “But probably not as many as you.”

“I’m talking about beers,” I said.

“Me too. What did you think I was talking about?” He rolled his eyes at me before handing Conner a coke. “Are you sure you don’t want anything harder? There’s some vodka in the kitchen if you prefer a stiff one!”

The way he said that made me choke, and it was inevitable that I would end up spilling beer down my new t-shirt. Conner frowned at me, but his expression only made me laugh more.

“You're gonna go home smelling of beer,” he said. “No wonder you get into trouble.”

Nathan disagreed. “He’s not going home.”

“What happened to you?” asked Daniel.

“He missed his mouth,” said Conner.

Daniel smirked. “How can anyone miss that?”

“Very funny. It was an accident.”

“He’s right,” said Nathan. “Robbie doesn’t usually have trouble swallowing.”

Daniel cringed. “I didn’t need to know that.”

Even Conner managed a half-hearted chuckle, but there was a noticeable change in his personality whenever Nathan was present. He was always on edge, and I felt the need to reassure him.

“He’s only having a laugh, you know. It’s nothing personal.”

“He’s flirting with you, Robbie.”

“He does it with everyone though, that’s the way he is. You're not jealous, are you?”

“Yes, I suppose I am a little.”

“Just a little?”

“A little more than a little.”

“Hmmm, a little more than a little, is almost nearly a lot in crazy measurement.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“That’s why I like it. Things that don’t make sense are much easier to understand, get it?”

“No!”

“Okay, maybe you wanna have sex with me instead.”

Conner heard that alright and so did the two girls standing next to us who were oddly encouraging.

“What’s that got to do with it?” he said.

“I’m not sure. I think your jealousy turns me on.”

“I guess it makes sense.”

‘Not to me it doesn’t’.

“Good, so don’t be alarmed if you see me having sex with some random person. Remember, I’m only doing it to make you jealous and improve our sex-life. It’s all for your benefit in the end.” I turned to the girls. “Does it make sense to you?”

I couldn’t believe they said yes, but Conner remained poker-faced.

“As long as that random person isn’t your ex-boyfriend then we’re good.”

‘We’re gonna need to work on his sense of humour’.

*     *     *

The party was starting to rock. Everyone except Conner was drinking, and by eleven o'clock, most were either drunk or stoned, but Ginny was both.

I was scared she was going to throw up over me when I helped carry her upstairs to get some fresh air on the back porch. We stood her up against the window frame, and I stayed with her in case she froze to death.

She pulled a half-smoked joint from behind her ear and tried to light it, but she couldn’t align the flame with the end. I watched her try for a good five minutes before giving up. She seemed surprised to see me still there and wanted to know if I was staying the night.

“I don’t mind,” she said.

“Thanks for the offer but I need to get home, or Sue will go nuts.”

“That’s bullshit! Don’t you wanna get back with Nathan?”

I suddenly realised what she meant by sleeping over. I already knew Nathan was staying in her brother’s room. It was one of the exclusive privileges afforded to her best friend, but he probably didn’t think she was also planning to invite me.

I wasn’t sure how to answer her question because technically, I wanted nothing more. However, Conner was my boyfriend, and he was in the house, waiting patiently for the opportunity to poke me. I told this to Ginny, knowing she would forget what I said two minutes later.

“There are plenty of guys in there who would let Conner fuck them. He doesn’t need you. He could find himself a real man.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just telling the truth. I never understood what Nathan saw in you, anyway. I used to think it was because you were the only one available. The kid was desperate to get his rocks off. But I think now he likes you more than just a fuck; you know what I mean?”

“Totally.”

“You're still weird, but I like you. Nathan and you are good together. You make him laugh. I’ve noticed that.”

For Ginny to notice, it must have been visible from outer space, but I thought she had a cheek calling me weird. The whole thing felt like a set-up, and it showed little concern for Conner’s feelings.

“So you think I should ask him out again?”

“Don’t be a dork, just fuck him, I’m even allowing you to use my house like it’s a fucking brothel. I couldn’t make it any easier. Do you want me to hold your dick as well?”

“No, I can do that.”

“Good, I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it. And Conner will have boys lining up outside his door. Even I might try my luck.”

The way she said it made me wonder if Ginny was even a girl.

‘Maybe she’s transgender’?

Those tits looked and felt real to me, and they were close to popping out as she leaned forward in another attempt to light a joint she didn’t need to smoke. She wasn’t getting any better at it.

I was starting to get cold and was pleased when Nathan came out to look for his friend, but he wasn’t expecting to find me there. Ginny was his confidant, and we didn’t usually talk.

It was eleven-thirty, and I needed to find Conner. Ginny wasn’t finished, though. She wanted to show us something important. At the side of the house, behind the garbage was a poorly concealed door.

“That’s my escape route; it’s my bedroom. Your room is on that side.” Ginny narrowly missed Nathan’s head as she pointed, but she was looking at me. I wasn’t sure what she meant but nodded in agreement and tried not to laugh as Nathan questioned her sanity with a collection of hand signals. “One more thing. If you make a mess, take it with you. It’s a new mattress.”

She looked at me with a steely resolve, but I had no intention of doing whatever she was suggesting in her spare room. Whether or not I would be able to resist if Nathan asked me, however, was debatable.

Subtlety wasn’t one of her strong points and Nathan rolled his eyes and mouthed an apology. It wasn’t his fault, but it seemed likely he had some input along the way. Ginny was always too spaced out to hatch such a cunning plan.

She sat on the step and tried once more to light the joint. This time she succeeded only for Nathan to snatch it from her mouth and stub it out on the wall.

“You don’t need any more, Ginny. Come on. It’s nearly midnight. Let’s go inside, with any luck you’ll be able to see in the new year conscious. That’ll be a first.”

He pointed her in the direction of the back door, and Ginny cleaned the living room windows on the way. I walked behind them, confused and thirsty for a beer.

The house was busier than it was, and people were still arriving. I lost Nathan and Ginny but found the beer. I couldn’t remember how many I had, but I felt good and suddenly a little horny. I couldn’t believe she was expecting me to stay the night and wondered if she was having the same conversation now with Nathan. It seemed likely, but there was no way I was going to leave Conner, and I didn’t want to either.

I found him exactly where I left him in the kitchen, talking to the strange girls, in Swedish.

Well, Conner was, but the girls were lapping it up in a way that suggested they were interested in more than his linguistic skills. I wondered if he knew what he was doing, but I was invisible, so I went off to find Daniel.

He was in the basement talking to a leggy Asian girl I recognised from school. He introduced us, and I instantly forgot her name, but she was quite pretty and an improvement on his previous girlfriend if that’s what she was.

They looked uncomfortable with me there, so I left them alone and squeezed through the crowd, unsure where to go. I wandered out to the porch as Ginny’s grandfather clock struck midnight and stood in the garden to watch the fireworks alone.

‘At least that year’s behind me’.

This one was going to be better. I strolled through the slush of week-old snow to stand by the railway track in the dark, but still no fireworks.

‘What a let-down’.

I was told there would be a display at the beach, but the town was silent.

I recalled standing on the crowded banks of the River Thames with Tom and his family as the sky lit up to the soundtrack by Queen. I wasn’t expecting the same from Cobourg, but this was very poor.

I opened my pants and pissed against the fence while drinking beer with my free hand. It made me laugh.

‘In one end and out the other’.

“Happy fucking New Year to myself!”

“Whatever, dude.”

I was still peeing and turned my head as a silhouette joined me to do the same. He was holding a beer and a cigarette, so he either had three hands or was peeing unassisted. I always wrecked my shoes whenever I tried that, but I turned my head away sharply when he saw me trying to peek.

I zipped myself up and turned to walk back to the house when he stopped me.

“Hey, buddy. Do you wanna buy some weed?”

“Huh?” I froze straining to see his face in the shadows.

“Cannabis. You smoke it. It gets you high. I got some to sell in the car if you want?”

‘Shit’!

“No.”

“Whatever, man. Do you know anyone who might want some?”

“No.”

“What about some coke? Everyone likes that.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag to show me. When he was close enough to see me, he stopped and froze too.

“Hi, Alex. Where have you been?”

I wasn’t sure what to expect or how he was going to react. Alex was unpredictable at the best of times, but I wasn’t scared. I felt sorry for him. He was dirty, and even in the dark, his face looked drawn, gaunt, and marked.

“Robbie, man. I didn’t know it was you.”

“Obviously.”

“I wouldn’t charge you. You can have some for free if you want?”

“I don’t want your drugs, Alex.”

“Whose party is this, anyway?”

“Ginny’s.”

He laughed. “You mean that lesbian friend of the homo? Are you still fucking him?”

It was Alex, alright. His appearance may have changed, but his language was a foul and demeaning as always.

He finished his beer and tossed the bottle towards the railway track.

“Do you want another?”

“No, I gotta be someplace.” He walked away. “See you around, Robbie.”

“Wait!” I ran after him. “Where are you staying?”

“Not around here.”

“Have you got a phone number.”

“Yes.”

“Can I have it?”

“No.”

“Please. I won't tell anyone.” I held onto his arm, and he stopped outside Ginny’s bedroom. The light made him more visible, and I was shocked by his face.

“Why would you wanna call me after what I did?”

I tried not to look at him, staring at the ground, the window, my hands, anywhere but his face.

“I dunno. I just wanna make sure you're okay, I suppose.”

There was a silence as he tried to process what I said. It must have sounded ridiculous to him, but I wasn’t lying, and it wasn’t a trap.

“You're an asshole.”

“I know, but I wanna help you.”

“Then, don’t tell anyone. I’ll call you!” He turned to walk away and stumbled over the garbage can. “Fucking stupid thing.”

I stifled a laugh as he kicked it and walked out to the street.

‘What happened to his face’?

I was almost at the back door when a loud whistle pierced the silence, and the sky exploded in a mass of colour. The music cut off, and house erupted in vocal celebration.

As the guests piled into the back yard, I looked at my watch and laughed.

“Ginny’s fucking clock.”

Then, as I stood watching the display, a pair of arms snaked around my waist, and a familiar voice whispered in my ear.

“Happy New Year, Robbie.”