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RIP - Comicality
    Mikiesboy
  • Mikiesboy
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  • 01/26/2018
  • 138 Words
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  • 22 Comments
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

timmy's poetry - 71. Weakened Bones

Weakened Bones

 

 

I watched you from across the river

As somber gray clouds let snowflakes fly

You pulled your greatcoat tighter round

And when you turned; that was goodbye

 

We cannot rewind our heated words

We loved each other breathlessly

Our nights were passion, the days turmoil

The lights have gone out, on our marquee

 

I contemplate the water that keeps me from you

It's become too deep for me to cross

Too, I know it would be a journey wasted

Our relationship to you, is simply dross

 

So, I turn my face to the weary sun

Let its rays soak my weakened bones

You have walked away, up the gravel bank

The final image of you – in muted undertones.

 

                ***

Thanks for reading ... and no, there is nothing to worry about!
Copyright © 2017 Mikiesboy; All Rights Reserved.
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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mollyhousemouse
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this is lovely!

 

it plays in my mind like film noir, like a Sam Spade movie

the first stanza all foggy and grey, the second done in flashbacks

the third and fourth back to the film noir

 

 

 

(i had to google "dross" just to make sure i was sure of what it meant, lol)

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AC Benus
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You evoke strong, sometimes unrelenting images with your word paintings. Here I could feel the cold, see the snow on the other's cheek, and worry for your overall calcium level ( :) )  

 

But seriously, these words leave a strong sense of unease in the reader. I think that's what you were going for. Thanks for posting it. 

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Reader1810
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Thanks for reading ...  and no, there is nothing to worry about! 

 

Understood. I'll just enjoy your thought provoking words. :) 

 

Not going to dissect them or interpret them. They are the tale they tell. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

As always, though, nicely done tim, nicely done.

 

Edited by Reader1810
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Mikiesboy
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Just now, mollyhousemouse said:

this is lovely!

 

it plays in my mind like film noir, like a Sam Spade movie

the first stanza all foggy and grey, the second done in flashbacks

the third and fourth back to the film noir

 

 

 

(i had to google "dross" just to make sure i was sure of what it meant, lol)

yes that's what it looked like to me ... it was snowing as i left work and as i stood watching it... it fell slowly, prettily,  and i just thought i saw you across the river ...  and i look up words all the time!.. thanks molly !

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Mikiesboy
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6 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

You evoke strong, sometimes unrelenting images with your word paintings. Here I could feel the cold, see the snow on the other's cheek, and worry for your overall calcium level ( :) )  

 

But seriously, these words leave a strong sense of unease in the reader. I think that's what you were going for. Thanks for posting it. 

my calcium levels....LOL     but seriously yes.. exactly.. dark,  gray tones  and a sad parting .. thanks AC.. you made me laugh!

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Mikiesboy
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6 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

Thanks for reading ...  and no, there is nothing to worry about! 

 

Understood. I'll just enjoy your thought provoking words. :) 

Good.. just a picture i saw when standing watching the snow fall tonight

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Parker Owens
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Wow. You painted this so vividly. I could feel the cold, sense the snow biting. And the colors - muted and grey - I know these colors, and yet you made them alive for me. And I have to agree with @mollyhousemouse, this was very, very cinematic. I was glad for your disclaimer at the end, as this was a very powerful poem, evoking deep sadness and hurt.

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Mikiesboy
23 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

Wow. You painted this so vividly. I could feel the cold, sense the snow biting. And the colors - muted and grey - I know these colors, and yet you made them alive for me. And I have to agree with @mollyhousemouse, this was very, very cinematic. I was glad for your disclaimer at the end, as this was a very powerful poem, evoking deep sadness and hurt.

thanks Parker .. no nothing is wrong.. i do not know the guy on the other bank.. i was standing in the snow and there was the river and i said, i see you there... and he was just standing there... just some inspiration from the snow ..  thanks for reading and you wonderful comments xoxox

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dughlas
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... the weary sun ... the light has faded and what was once bright and vivid is now faded and obscurred in weariness.

I'm glad you posted that all is well or I would fret.

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Mikiesboy
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20 minutes ago, dughlas said:

... the weary sun ... the light has faded and what was once bright and vivid is now faded and obscurred in weariness.

I'm glad you posted that all is well or I would fret.

thanks dugh ... yes, everything is better than well, we are in a wonderful place together after a couple of very rough years.  sometimes i write about things outside myself.. i think i need to do it more often.   thanks for reading and for your comments.. hugs :heart: 

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Mikiesboy
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3 minutes ago, Lux Apollo said:

Songify!

LOL.. i write the songs that no one sings...LOL... 

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Mikiesboy
13 minutes ago, Defiance19 said:

This is beautiful, tim. Such acute imagery.. 

very nice. 

:) Thanks very much Def xox 

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Mikiesboy
8 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

Oh my boy, that is beautiful. A story in 16 lines. It is crisp, sad in grays and black. Just wonderful.

thank You, Michael xo

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MacGreg

Just brilliant, tim. At first read, I was inspired to jot down my own poem. Thank you for that inspiration. Nature and emotion often go hand-in-hand - one can be used to describe the other - and you illustrate that connection beautifully here. It doesn't matter that the content wasn't from your personal experience (thankfully not); it contains subject matter that anyone can relate to and feel. Really good.

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Mikiesboy
2 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

Just brilliant, tim. At first read, I was inspired to jot down my own poem. Thank you for that inspiration. Nature and emotion often go hand-in-hand - one can be used to describe the other - and you illustrate that connection beautifully here. It doesn't matter that the content wasn't from your personal experience (thankfully not); it contains subject matter that anyone can relate to and feel. Really good.

thank You, Sir.  it's very humbling to inspire another poet. You're poem is wonderful, the last line was inspired. thank You for Your support and comments, Sir. 

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mogwhy

a poet soul saw a vision in the soul and the poet's words soared.you painted a vivid picture in my head. i can almost feel the cold and snow on my skin. beautifully done

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Mikiesboy
20 hours ago, mogwhy said:

a poet soul saw a vision in the soul and the poet's words soared.you painted a vivid picture in my head. i can almost feel the cold and snow on my skin. beautifully done

thank you, moggy

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Mikiesboy
9 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Excellent poem tim. Reminded me of either a breakup or when you end a friendship.

yes that's exactly what it's like xoxoo

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