The Cockney Canuck - 126. Chapter 126 The Biggest Lie Ever

Nathan would have loved it, Fran, too. Even Tom would have been impressed. But unfortunately my greatest ever money shot was witnessed only by me. It seemed like such a waste. After thirty-two days in the making, I thought my watery masterpiece deserved some kind of recognition.

I credited Conner for ending my most prolonged period of sexual inactivity since puberty. It was his succulent kiss outside the school that lit the fuse, even if I did instigate it myself. Then not long after, in the privacy of my box-like room, a few strokes in the dark from an experienced hand did the rest.

With a noisy bed to contend with and only a couple of layers of drywall separating me from a sleeping Nicola, it was a considerable risk, but one I was forced to take. The overwhelming need for release was simply too powerful to ignore.

My gentle moans were muffled by a mouthful of soggy sheet as my dick spewed a pungent trail across my stomach. Each glorious spurt accompanied by a disturbingly loud squeak from the metal bed frame and a dull thud as the headboard thumped the wall behind me. Caught in the grip of a tumultuous orgasm, there was little I could do other than hope everyone else was asleep.

Afterwards, lying in a post-orgasmic haze, the only sound was my rapid breathing and the distant rumbling of the basement furnace. I was utterly spent but forced to move by an urgent need to clean up. The puddles on my stomach were now uncomfortably cold and slowly finding their way onto the sheet below. I was hopelessly unprepared, so I mopped up with my pyjamas, stuffed them under the bed, and slept naked between wet patches of sperm.

It felt good to be a normal teenage boy again.

As for Nicola, had she been awake, I was sure she would have heard enough to realise what I was up to. Time would tell, but mercifully nothing was said. Either she slept right through or decided to spare my embarrassment by never mentioning it to me. I had done the same thing in the past for Daniel.

*     *     *

The next morning, the school bus was particularly loud, and the topic on everyone’s lips was Peter Pan. The school play, for so long an easily-forgettable and poorly acted showcase of political correctness, had been re-invented at Stephenson Collegiate. Its naughty connotations made it the subject of much debate throughout the day causing division within the school and creating interest on social media.

Those who missed it huddled in the corridors before the start of lessons watching video clips taken with cell phones. It was only a matter of time before they were posted on YouTube, and the internet did the rest. The website ensured celebrity status for my ex-boyfriend and catapulted him to the top of the popularity charts. Almost overnight he became the coolest and most talked-about kid in school.

I was happy for him. The boy who refused to be intimidated and repeatedly snubbed his nose at normality finally had the recognition he deserved and the adulation his ego demanded.

Despite its camp undertones, the play was well received by the majority of parents, students, and teachers, and it was easy to see why. It broke the mould and flew in the face of convention, causing an uproar among the sour-faced traditionalists. They were people like Don and Miss Pringle. Bastions of conservatism, who would have preferred to see a nativity play.

Religious themes were a thing of the past, but Nathan’s brazen interpretation of J M Barrie’s novel was probably a little too progressive for Cobourg. There were rumours of complaints and the second show—scheduled for the last day before the winter break—was abruptly cancelled. I would have bet everything I had on Don being involved, but the controversy only succeeded in creating even more interest and grabbed the attention of the local press.

At lunchtime, Nathan’s table—often ridiculed by the homophobic element—had a constant flow of visitors, as students from all grades stopped to talk to the man of the moment. I watched from a distance but politely refused an invitation from my ex-boyfriend to join the party.

“Maybe one day he’ll be famous,” said Rory.

“I hope so, then I’ll be able to sell the sordid secrets of our love life to the gutter press and make a ton of money.”

My delectable friend rolled his eyes. “You don’t need a ton of money. You're already rich.”

“No, I’m not. Well, maybe on paper. But I can’t get my hands on any of it until I’m eighteen.”

“That’s only two years from now. What are you gonna do with it?”

It was something I rarely if ever thought about, but I probably should have. Don had all the details; he was the trustee appointed by my mom to oversee the fund. I wasn’t sure how much it was worth, but it included the apartment in London, rented out on my behalf by an agency. It was accumulating rent, but unbeknown to me, the property boom meant it was also increasing in value at a rate far higher than anyone could ever have predicted.

Don wasn’t able to access any of the money, but he was supposed to keep me informed of the value and advise me on the investments. So far, he hadn’t done either of those things.

“It’s not that much. I’ll probably throw a big party and spunk it all up the wall.”

“That sounds disgusting.”

“It’s just a saying. You know, squander it. Spunk it up the wall. Get it?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“Are you still going to Conner’s house at Christmas?”

“Yes. Oh, and by the way, you didn’t tell me his parents are Swedish.”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

“Of course, it’s important. That’s why they’re so different and open and stuff.”

He looked confused. “They’re not different.”

“They let you shag their daughter indoors while they’re watching TV. I can’t imagine most people being okay with that.”

“That’s nonsense. It’s not like they can see us or anything. We only do it in her room.”

“I didn’t think you were doing it at the dinner table. Although it would be interesting.”

“Well, if that makes them different then I guess they are. But they’re nice people, and I think you’ll like them. His mom keeps asking about you.”

“Yeah, I know. She wants me to shag her son. How weird is that?”

Rory had a smile on his face as he bit into his sandwich. I was growing accustomed to that cheeky grin, but he kept me waiting until he swallowed his food before unleashing a real gem.

“It might be the other way around.”

‘The other way around’?

“You mean his mom wants me to shag HER?”

He laughed. “No, dummy. What I meant was, it might be the other way around with you and Conner.” His grin now stretched the width of his face as he lined up another sandwich and waited for me to work it out.

“Really? How do you know?”

“That’s the impression I get when he talks to me. I could be wrong.” He looked me in the eye and stuffed more food into his bulging mouth.

‘So Conner wants to shag me’.

I hadn’t even considered that. For some reason, I always assumed it would be the other way around like it had been with Nathan.

“Wait a minute. How can you get that impression from talking to someone? Unless you were talking about what we were just talking about.”

“Say that again.”

“I don’t believe you. You're winding me up,” I snapped.

Rory sat quietly, watching me, but the mischievous smile remained.

“I was only trying to give you a heads up,” he said. “It’s not important to me. I don’t really care which way around you like to … do things.”

“Let’s just drop it, okay. It’s kinda personal.”

It was an odd reversal of our usual roles, and I could see he was finding it amusing being on the teasing end for a change.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Embarrass me! Don’t be ridiculous, Rory. I’m not embarrassed. Why would I be embarrassed?”

“I don’t know. Most people would.”

“Not me. It’s just not important, that’s all. I’d rather talk about football or something like that.”

“Fine. I see Arsenal lost again at the weekend.”

“Fuck you, Rory!” I stared across the busy cafeteria towards Nathan’s table, but Rory’s impish smile was still visible from the corner of my eye, and it was impossible not to see the funny side. He had beaten me at my own game. Even a terrible sport like me had to admit it.

Whatever Rebecca was doing to my friend, it was undoubtedly having a positive effect. He seemed to be growing in confidence each day, and I wondered if Conner would do the same for me. I wasn’t sure, however, if I was comfortable with the thought of being his bottom boy.

My previous experiences in that role were a mixed bag. I enjoyed it the few times I did it with Tom, but Alex made me swear never to try it again. The painful memory of that drug-induced night ensured it was his only visit, but Nathan was never turned away. He was more sensitive and thought sex should be a shared experience whatever position you played. It made switching easy, but nine out of ten times I was still the nominated driver.

“It might be a bit of a squeeze fitting everybody in,” said Rory.

“WHAT?”

“Fitting everyone into his mom’s truck. Are you even listening?”

“No.”

“She has to pick up a couple of other people on the way.”

“It shouldn’t be a problem. It’s a pickup. They can sit in the back.”

“One’s seventy-six.”

“Then you can sit in the back. How many people are gonna be there anyway?”

“A lot by the sound of it.”

“Oh, I thought it was just his family.”

“Stop worrying. You’ll have a good time. I promise. It’ll be good for you to get away from that house, even if it’s just for a couple of days.”

Rory was probably right. “I think so too. The past few months haven’t been easy.”

Rory, latching on to my change of mood, leaned closer. “Is this why you needed to see a counsellor?”

I chuckled. He was determined to find out, but always too polite to bug me about it.

“One of the reasons.”

“You can talk to me if you want, I won't tell anyone.”

Rory was my best friend and the first person I thought of when Jo asked me to nominate a safe house. I did it without even asking him because I knew he would never turn me away. He deserved to know what was going on.

“Don’s the problem. Jo told Sue, if things don’t get better she’s gonna get a court order to have me removed from their care.”

“Holy crap! Are you serious?” Rory’s instinctive reaction turned a few heads at the next table. He smiled and lowered his voice. “Shit, Robbie. Things have to be really bad for them to do that. Why didn’t you say something?”

“I just did.”

“I mean before now. What happened?”

“It’s a number of things.” I had a quick glance around to make sure no one was listening before continuing. It seemed like a good idea to tell him while I had the opportunity. “I was sexually assaulted.”

Rory looked stunned. “Tell me this is a joke.”

“It’s not a joke, I’m serious. That’s the reason I’ve been staying away from Conner. I knew he would want to do stuff, and I wasn’t able to even think of anything like that. I feel a little better now, but it really affected me.”

“Shit. I’m not surprised. He should be locked up. Have you told the police?”

“Not yet, but Jo’s going to.”

“Robbie, you need to get outta there, like today. You can come home with me and stay for as long as you want. I’m serious; you mustn’t go back there. I can get my dad to pick up your things at the weekend.”

I thought it was sweet of Rory to be so concerned. He offered his help and a place to stay, without hesitation, but tempting as it was, I had to refuse.

“It’s okay, mate. Thanks, but he won't come back to the house.”

“But he lives there.”

“Who?”

“Don.”

“It wasn’t, Don! I was talking about Alex, silly. Don’s a dick and an arsehole, but he’s never shown any interest in my dick or arsehole.” I laughed as Rory realised his mistake and apologised, but he was still shocked to hear about Alex.

“I won't tell anyone,” he said. “But you should tell Conner. He needs to know. He won't think bad of you. But I think he’s expecting. Well, you already know what he’s expecting.”

Even the new decadent version of Rory still had trouble when it came to mentioning gay sex.

“What, Rory?”

“You know; what we were just talking about. He’s expecting you to do stuff.”

“I don’t mind doing stuff. I do stuff all the time.”

“You know what I mean.”

"Oh, you mean sex?”

“Yes, and keep your voice down. I’m sure he’ll be okay if you tell him. I mean, this is serious.”

I wasn’t convinced. Conner had been waiting a long time to dip his wick, and now I was starting to get my mojo back, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to hold back. Even if it meant having to bite the pillow.

“I will tell him. But I’m feeling better now, and I don’t wanna ruin things because of something someone else did. I’ve suffered enough.”

“You should’ve told me sooner.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done. Jo’s been really good to me. She knows everything about me. Stuff I wouldn’t tell anyone else. Not even you. Not even myself.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You're okay, though?”

“I’m fine, Rory. I promise. Hey, you’ll never guess what she told me to do for my homework assignment.”

When I joined my thumb and forefinger under the table for the universal symbol of male masturbation, he was understandably surprised.

“No way, I don’t believe you.”

“Well, it’s true. I have to report to her this afternoon. And she’s gonna wanna know all the details.”

Rory pushed his blond locks from his face and pretended he didn’t want to know. But he soon caved in. “What details?”

“I jerked off last night.”

“Good for you, but why are you telling me?”

“Because you're my friend, Rory. I thought you’d wanna know.”

“Why would I wanna know that? We can still be friends without sharing that kind of information.”

“It was the first time in thirty-two days.”

“Serious?”

“I swear. You have no idea how good it felt.”

“I can imagine.”

“I made a real mess too, you should’ve seen ….”

Rory put his hand up to stop me. “I’m kinda glad I didn’t. Here, you can have my yoghurt, I don’t fancy it anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

He pushed the unopened carton and spoon across the table, and I gladly tucked in.

“Thanks for telling me all this, Robbie. It’s cool that you can talk to me about it. I guess you needed to tell someone, other than your counsellor. Maybe soon you can tell Conner too. He can help you more than …. That’s disgusting.”

When he looked at me, I had yoghurt running from the side of my mouth and a big blob of it on my chin. I scooped it up with my finger and slowly licked it off as my friend sat shaking his head and looking thoroughly disgusted with my antics. I thought it was funny, but Rory had the last laugh when I choked.

“You'll never make it as a porn star.”

*     *     *

“What happened to your shirt?”

“I had a fight with a pot of yoghurt.”

Jo laughed. “I’m guessing the yoghurt won.” She paced the room, chewing the top of her pen while I sat in the big chair behind the desk. There was no protocol with her, I could have sat on the floor if I wanted, but she usually worked better moving around. “I’ve been watching your ex-boyfriend on YouTube. He’s a funny guy.”

“You saw it?”

“Only bits. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Don has issued a formal complaint with the school district. I thought I’d let you know.”

I was right. “I guessed it was him.”

“He’s also complained about me.”

“Why, you weren’t even in the play?”

“He doesn’t like the way I work. My appearance is disrespectful to the school, and apparently, your behaviour has worsened since you’ve been seeing me.”

“That’s fucking bullshit!” I looked up and covered my mouth. “Oops, sorry.”

She laughed at me. “Don’t be sorry. That’s exactly what I said.”

I could imagine her saying that to her boss. I doubt if she ever backed down to anyone.

“What will they do?” At the back of my mind, there was always a terrible fear they would replace her. I think she could see the worry on my face.

“Don’t fret about it. It’s good news. When someone starts attacking me personally, it usually means I’m getting to them. I guess our little talk with your mom hit home.”

“So you're not gonna get in trouble?”

“No, of course not. But he’s been stirring up a lot of shit for other people including Mr Andrews, while trying to portray himself as the perfect family man. I’m not supposed to know any of this, but I have a lot of friends who are terrible at keeping secrets.”

“What a jerk.”

“I know, right. What’s he been like at home?”

“He’s been okay. I mean, he hasn’t said much to me, but that’s always good. I’m not allowed to have any friends over anymore, though. Sue told me, but it was his decision.”

“Okay, so why is this?”

“Because he doesn’t trust me with them. I haven’t exactly got a good record with friends.”

“I don’t care. Does this rule apply to Daniel or Nicola?”

“No, but I guess they don’t ….”

Jo scribbled something on her clipboard and threw it across the room. I think she was aiming for her bag, but it missed by a mile.

“Sorry, sweetie, but don’t think for a minute what he’s doing is right because it isn’t. You were sexually abused in his home, in his charge. It may not directly be his fault, but it certainly isn’t yours. He was responsible for your safety.”

“He doesn’t know about that though, and I doubt if he’ll believe me. He thinks I was the one who corrupted Alex.”

“Well, I’ve informed the police. I had to. I couldn’t leave it any longer. Just so you know, they’ll be contacting you and your parents.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “Just remember to tell them the truth. There’s not enough evidence to press charges, but they have to investigate.”

We finished earlier than usual and agreed to meet up the following Wednesday, which was the final day of school before the winter break. Our sessions were gradually being spaced further apart. Perhaps she was already trying to lessen my dependence on her. Or maybe there were more urgent cases that needed her attention. She never discussed her other patients, but I knew I wasn’t the only kid on her books, and apparently, Christmas was a busy time.

After a bright and sunny day, it was snowing again when Jo pulled up outside my house and already getting dark.

“Have you got any plans for the weekend?” I shook my head and pulled on my hat as I prepared myself for the trek up the driveway.

“No, but I’m gonna be staying at Conner’s house on Christmas Day.”

“Cool, so how are you feeling now; any improvement?”

“I finished my homework if that’s what you mean.” I smiled bashfully and reached for the door handle, but Jo insisted on a high five.

“On your own or did you have some help?”

“On my own, of course.”

Jo looked at her hand and wiped it on her coat. It was only a joke, but it didn’t spare my blushes.

“I’ve washed my hands since,” I said and then laughed my way to the house. I was already planning a repeat performance later that night, but first, I had to figure out how to fix the bed.

*     *     *

It was Friday, so I was surprised to see Don home so early. It was even more of a shock, however, when he said hello to me as I popped my head around the door. I wasn’t expecting him to be pleasant after storming out of the school play the night before.

He sat in the living room, talking with Sue as I made myself a snack and took it upstairs. My room was a mess. Too much stuff in too small an area, and no storage space. The bed was still unmade after a chaotic rush to get ready that morning, and when I lifted the duvet, there was a tell-tale stain on the bottom sheet. It would have to be washed before Sue noticed and my pyjamas too, but first I needed to clean myself with a long-overdue shower.

I was dressed when Nicola came knocking on my door a little later. She wanted to know if I had any plans for the weekend.

‘Why is everyone asking me that? I hardly ever go out’.

I positioned myself strategically between her and my slightly messy bed, hoping she would leave.

“I was thinking of going to Vegas,” I said. “But my private jet’s in for repairs, why do you wanna know?”

“I’ve been invited to a party.”

“Okay, bye.” I tried to usher her out.

“Tomorrow night, jerk!”

“Oh, well, I hope you have a good time. Why are you telling me?”

“Because I figured you’d be staying around the house.”

“And?”

Nicola closed the door behind her and pushed me back into the room. “I need you to look after Amy for me.”

“Sue does that, remember?”

“Not tomorrow, she isn’t. She’s going out with dad.”

“What, you mean together?”

“Yes, together.”

“Is she crazy?”

“No, it’s their wedding anniversary.”

I laughed. “You're kidding me. This is a set-up. Am I on camera?”

“Shut-up and stop being silly.” My sister tried to walk around me, but I moved across to block her path. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing.”

She looked at me suspiciously before pushing past me to survey the room. “It’s a mess in here.”

“I was just cleaning up.”

“No, you weren’t.”

She narrowed her eyes at me no doubt wondering why I was so nervous. Then sat on the bed, right on top of the unsightly stain without seeing it. The bed squeaked, and there was a loud twang from the springs. She looked at me for an explanation, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s broken,” I said. “Luke.”

It was a distraction she chose to ignore. “Anyway, dad’s taking her to Toronto to see a show, and they’re staying overnight at the King Eddy.”

I was dumbstruck. Don had surprised me in the past, but I would never have been able to predict this. I was convinced they were heading for a divorce.

I wondered what his angle was.

‘Is he doing this to get her back on his side’?

It seemed logical to me. He must have realised he couldn’t control the family without her support. I remembered what Jo said to me earlier about Don trying to portray himself as the perfect family man.

‘It’s the biggest lie ever’.

“They had a talk and sorted things out,” said Nicola. “Have you noticed he hasn’t been going to church lately?”

“No.”

“Mom told him he had to choose between her and his religion.”

“Who did he choose?”

“Mom, of course!” Nicola looked at me as if I was stupid, but my money would have been on the church. It looked as if they had him converted.

I suppose it meant I wouldn’t have to deal with Mr Symmonds again, but I didn’t like the idea of Don worming his way back into Sue’s good books.

There were more ominous squeaks from the bed as Nicola shifted her weight. The frame rocked, and the headboard hit the wall similar to the night before but a lot less fun.

“Is this bed even safe?”

“I doubt it.”

“Do you think it’s wise to sleep on it?”

“No. It’s a death trap.”

“Luke used to use it as a trampoline, but I’m sure it can be fixed. I’ll tell dad.”

I sneered. Don didn’t do repairs, but I didn’t want him in my room anyway.

“So who’s this Eddie bloke in Toronto?”

Nicola chuckled. “The King Eddy is a hotel downtown, dummy. Dad goes there a lot when he entertains clients.”

‘I bet he does’.

“That’s his answer to everything, isn’t it? He just buys his way out of trouble. Money solves everything.”

“He’s promised mom things are gonna be different.”

“And she believes him?”

“What choice does she have?”

“She can leave him!”

“You mean divorce?”

“Err, yes! People do it all the time, especially when they don’t like each other, and one of them is having an affair.”

“It’s her choice, Robbie. We have to respect that, and we don’t know for sure if he’s having an affair. If she’s prepared to give him a chance, then so should we.”

It seemed like Nicola had already made a collective decision on behalf of us all, but I made sure to abstain. I wasn’t prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt, no matter how nice he pretended to be. I knew it was just a ploy to get Jo off his case.

‘She must have him really rattled’.

“It’s different for you, Robbie. But I don’t want my parents to get divorced.”

Her words hit me hard and stuck in my head. It was different for me. Of course, it was different for me. I wasn’t like them. I wanted them to split up so Don would have to go, but no one else wanted that. His real children wanted them to stay together. That was how families worked. He was their father, and mine by proxy, but he meant nothing to me.

Despite all the talk and promises. All the legal jargon and endless reassurances. In the end, the adoption was utterly pointless. It meant nothing. Just another disappointment. I was still an outsider and always would be. Never had it been more evident.

‘I even changed my name for that tosser’.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You should be pleased he’s making an effort. Things will be better like they used to be, you’ll see. At least give him a chance.”

“He’s not gonna change. Don’t you get it? He just wants to control everybody.”

The funny thing was, I think Nicola knew I was right. She wasn’t stupid. She wanted to keep her family together; I could understand that, but there were other reasons. Don was the one who picked up the tab. He paid for their comfortable, middle-class lifestyles. Nicola’s phone, her designer clothes, and her wage-like allowance all came from his bulging pockets, and it was the same with Daniel and even Amy.

They were all on the payroll; without him, their comfort zone would disappear. He would go to court and pay what he had to, but nothing more.

I was the only one who didn’t have to rely on his money. I had my own funds, and he must have hated it because it took away his control.

“Well, do you think you can do that for me?”

“Do what?”

“Look after Amy.”

“What about Daniel?”

“He’s going out too, and he’ll be staying at Doug’s.”

“What if I wanted to go out?”

“Come on, Robbie. Someone has to stay with Amy. I’m always looking after her. You’ll have the house to yourself.”

“Great! I’ll throw a party as long as my friends don’t mind standing on the doorstep, because I’m not allowed to have anyone in the house, remember?”

There was a long silence as she searched for a way to appease me.

“If you want to invite Conner over. I won't say anything. No one will know.”

“No. Look, just forget it. They’ll only find out, and it’ll just make things worse. Conner doesn’t want to come here anyway. He knows he’s not wanted. I’ll stay with Amy, I got nowhere to go anyway.”

There was nothing left to discuss, and I made it clear to my sister that our conversation was over. She stood up to give me a hug, and I managed to position myself between her and the bed, before ushering her out.

“I’ll make it up to you,” she said. “I’ve got you a special present.”

“Nice. Put it under the tree.”

“Oh no, it’s not a Christmas present, but it is for Christmas.” She winked at me, leaving me confused and frustrated.

*     *     *

That evening, the family sat down to dinner together for the first time in almost a month. It was an unnerving experience, especially for Sue, who looked embarrassed by her husband’s exaggerated smiles.

His charm offensive included attempts to show interest in his children’s activities, or at least his real children. His only verbal exchange with me was a request to pass the salad, but I had a feeling he wanted to talk, and later that evening, he came looking for me.

I was kneeling on the floor trying to tighten the screws on the bed when I heard him knocking on the door frame.

“Do you mind if I come in?”

I didn’t answer so he walked over to crouch next to me.

“I’ve already tried doing that,” he said. “I don’t think it can be fixed. I’ll buy a new one.”

I dropped the screwdriver on the floor and stood up. “It’ll probably collapse before then and kill me.”

He stared at the bed and scratched his head. I was sure he found it amusing. It looked like he wanted to laugh but thought better of it.

“It’s only about a foot off the floor,” he said. “It’s unlikely to kill you. But better safe than sorry. Maybe you should move back in with Daniel.”

“It’s better for you in the basement, honey,” said Sue.

I was surprised to hear her voice coming from the hallway where she was standing with Nicola. I didn’t even realise they were there.

“It’s okay. I quite like it up here. I just need a new bed, that’s all.”

“But you haven’t stopped complaining about it,” said Nicola. She popped her head around the door, but there wasn’t the room for her to come in. Don, on his own, took up most of the available space. He was trying his best to remain calm but talking to me always irritated him.

“Well, I’ve changed my mind. I wanna stay here now.”

“It was only supposed to be a temporary arrangement,” said Don.

I stood my ground. I wanted to make him angry and prove to Sue he hadn’t changed.

“No. It won't be fair on Daniel.”

“Daniel doesn’t mind,” said Sue.

“He likes sharing with you,” added Nicola.

“Why did I have to move up here?”

Don sighed. He looked frustrated and just for a second, his newfound smile vanished. I waited, but he didn’t answer my question.

“We can discuss this another time,” said Sue.

“No, Daniel isn’t safe with me in his room. I could take advantage of him when he’s asleep, or turn him gay?”

Don shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not the reason we sent you up here.”

It was a bare-faced lie.

“Why, then? Because of the view?”

Don turned to Sue and then to Nicola, whose expression demanded an answer.

“Okay, I admit I was probably overreacting. You're obviously not a threat to Daniel. If I thought you were, I would have asked you to move months ago.”

“Probably overreacting?” I scoffed. “I haven’t changed. I’m still a pervert.”

“I don’t think you're a pervert, just confused, that’s all. We can work on that.”

“Work on it. What the fuck does that mean?” There was silence where he should have been shouting at me. I was surprised he was able to remain calm.

He knew what I was trying to do. I think it was apparent to everyone. But my attempts to sabotage their weekend and torpedo his efforts to save their marriage failed.

“What about my friends are they still barred?”

“Your friends are allowed in the house, dear,” said Sue. “We don’t have a problem with that anymore.” I looked at Don, and he nodded. It was a blatant U turn of a rule that had been in place for only a day. I was becoming confused.

“You need to make up your mind. I don’t know what’s expected of me any more. Are they allowed to stay over?” I stared at Don hoping for a reaction, but once again he deferred to Sue who was tactful with her answer.

“It wouldn’t be appropriate for certain types of friends to stay, but the same rules apply to Nicola and Daniel. You're not being singled out in any way or discriminated against.”

My eyes remained fixed on Don, hoping for a glimmer of discontent. I really wanted him to threaten me, shout abuse or throw me out. Any excuse for me to run to Rory’s house and call Jo.

Being calm and reasonable was far worse than any of those things because I knew he didn’t mean it. It was a farce. I knew it, and he knew I knew it, but short of landing a left hook on his multiple chins and flooring the bastard, there was nothing I could do to rile him.

I tried everything to make him lose his temper that night, but the more he resisted, the more confident he became. I was outgunned by his congeniality and outsmarted by a mild-mannered approach I found impossible to match.

I could only assume his stand-down was a necessary compromise demanded by Sue before she would agree to accept him back. No one knew for sure, not even Nicola. If this was the case, then Sue deserved a lot of credit for making it an issue and basically putting my rights before her marriage, but for me, it wasn’t enough. He hadn’t even apologised, yet he already had the backing of the family, and suddenly I was the one being unreasonable. I could see it on Nicola’s face. She was the last to leave, shaking her head in disappointment as if I alone stood in the way of a happy family.