The Cockney Canuck - 93. Chapter 93 The Worst Kept Secret

Sue was right with her diagnosis of Alex’s injuries but her expertise in the field of medicine was overshadowed somewhat by the harsh reality of what had happened to my friend earlier that day.

His injuries were worse than we had originally thought and the doctors had decided to keep him in the hospital. The X-Rays revealed a broken forearm just below the elbow, along with three broken ribs and a broken collarbone which no one had suspected. All of these injuries were allegedly inflicted by his father’s boot after Alex had been knocked to the floor and kicked hard and repeatedly. His arm was broken after he instinctively used it to protect his face; those kicks were intended for his head!

It made me feel sick when Sue explained it to me later that evening and I felt guilty for not doing more to make people aware of his circumstances. Alex didn’t deserve that and when I thought about it, he probably didn’t deserve any of the crap that had been thrown at him. His behaviour; even his bullying, for once seemed to be entirely consistent with his upbringing or lack of it.

At least now it looked as if it was over. This time his old man had gone too far and Alex must have realised it too. Sue told me that he was co-operating with the police and they were searching for his father. I didn’t think that it would be too long before they found him but whatever happened; his parenting days were finished.

Alex and Luke would have to be found new homes and a family much the same as me, only they probably wouldn’t be so lucky. Their uncertain fate put things into perspective for me and took away any niggling doubts that I still had about my own adoption. I may have had a homophobic adopted father to contend with but at least I knew what I was up against. Don was a known quantity who seemed to be easing off the gas a little. Alex would probably have given his right arm for the opportunity that I had been given.

However, as much as I wanted us to help Alex and his brother, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the prospect of him staying at our house. My reasons were entirely selfish; he was a loose cannon and his presence had already caused problems between Nathan and me.

After Sue left for the hospital, I persuaded my boyfriend to stay but we barely said a word to each other and he sat downstairs with Jimmy while I was pressganged into helping Nicola prepare a makeshift meal. It was clear that Nathan hadn’t been entirely honest with me about how he knew Alex but whatever he was hiding, I was sure that it was nowhere near as serious as my own secret.

It did cross my mind, of course, that perhaps Alex may have managed to play us both for fools in exactly the same way. When we met; Nathan was too obvious a virgin to give much credence to this theory, but as much as I tried to dismiss it, the thought kept creeping back into my mind with annoying regularity. There had to be a more innocent explanation but to find out I would have to question him and I didn’t want to rock the boat and end up having to admit to something much worse.

It was late when Nathan left so I gave him the money for a cab and waited with him outside the front door. It was the first day of September and a dramatic start to what promised to be an eventful month.

“I love you, Robbie, okay?” he said. “No matter what.” I thought that it was a strange thing to say although I had no doubts about his sincerity.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course,” he said leaning into me. “Why wouldn’t I be? Come early tomorrow, in the afternoon, okay?”

“Why so early?”

“Because I’m gonna be there, of course. Don’t you wanna spend time with me?” We had been spending a lot of time together recently and I would have happily spent every day with him if I could, but there was something odd about all this that just didn’t add up. I had a strange feeling that my sleepover—although playing into our hands—wasn’t entirely Nathan’s idea.

The moment the taxi arrived, Nathan switched back into my loveable boyfriend of old, throwing his arms around my neck for a full-on, no-holds-barred kiss on the lips, before flashing me a sexy smile.

“That’s just a preview,” he said. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna make you happy, okay?”

I swallowed hard and nodded to him as he darted across the lawn for the cab. Then giggled when he tripped and nearly fell over the camouflaged hosepipe but I wasn’t the only one laughing. Nicola was standing behind me just inside the screen door.

“That was hot,” she said.

“Was you watching us?”

“Uh huh. I’ve never seen two guys kissing before. Not properly anyway.” The hallway was dark and I could hardly see her through the mesh. A few weeks earlier, her spying would have angered me, but now it didn’t even warrant a reaction and she looked disappointed as she opened the door to join me outside in the cool September air.

“What’s going on, Nicola?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why is everyone being so nice to me all of a sudden?”

“You're a dickhead,” she said. “You're imagining it.”

“Okay, so why is everyone except you being nice to me all of a sudden?”

“You mean Mom and Dad?”

“Haven’t you noticed?”

“No,” she said, “but maybe they just want you to be happy after all that’s happened.” I didn’t believe her; it sounded like she was keeping something back.

“Sue wants me to stay at Nathan’s, doesn’t that seem strange to you?”

“What are you worrying about; make the most of it? Your boyfriend just said he’s gonna make you happy, or are you holding out for someone else?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Why did Alex come here today?”

“Because his dad beat him up,” I said. “Why do you think?”

“Yeah, I know that but why did he come here, why didn’t he go straight to the hospital?”

“I don’t know; he probably didn’t think that he was hurt as bad as he was.”

“You don’t get it,” she said. “Alex has lots of friends, why would he come here?”

“Because he trusts me.”

“You mean more than his friends?”

“Yes, what are you getting at?”

“Nothing,” she said but she had that look on her face which usually spelt trouble.

“What is your explanation then?” I said mocking her.

“He likes you.”

“Well done Nicola. Woohoo. How long did it take you to figure that one out?”

“And you obviously like him.” She raised her eyebrows and stared at me as I went quiet.

“Not in the way that you think,” I said.

“Yes you do, I’ve seen it.”

“You just saw me kiss Nathan,” I said. “He’s my boyfriend, I’m not interested in Alex.”

“But you like him, that’s why you play games with him.”

“What games. He’s gonna beat me up when he sees me next.” I knew that he would definitely want to hurt me after my little joke at his expense, although not in a nasty way.

“Friends don’t usually go around beating each other up,” she laughed.

“Alex beats me up because we’re friends,” I said. “He wouldn’t do that for anyone else, you know.” I wasn’t expecting Nicola to understand what I was trying to say because I didn’t totally get it myself, but her analysis was surprisingly close.

“You enjoy him hitting you.”

“What? Of course, I don’t!”

“Yes you do, I can so see that now. It makes sense.”

If it did, then I wanted someone to explain it to me because I was seriously confused, but the more I thought about it, the more that I realised it was at least partly true. I did enjoy him hitting me, or maybe not the pain side of it so much, but I enjoyed being under his control. It was something that had been there from the very beginning, which I couldn’t even begin to understand and I didn’t really want to.

I knew deep down that this was the reason why I liked annoying him and pushing him to his limits. Others may have considered me either extremely brave or foolish for doing such a thing and maybe I did push my luck at times, but it was a means to an end and it excited me.

The really crazy thing was, as I grappled to understand it, I became convinced that Alex knew about this odd little fetish of mine and had been deliberately playing on it.

‘Is he hitting on me when he’s hitting me’?

I knew what I meant but I wasn’t sure if anyone else would, so I vehemently denied it to Nicola even though I knew that she would know that I was lying.

*  *  *

It was raining the next day as I packed my overnight bag with everything that I thought I would need for the night at Nathan’s house and the big event the following day. Sue told me to take dress pants, a shirt, a pair of shoes, and a light jacket for the courthouse and I added a pair of shorts for the sleepover as a token gesture, even though I probably wouldn’t need them.

The house was unusually busy for a weekday and I was surprised to see Don in the kitchen when I went upstairs for breakfast. He often worked from home but when he did, he would rarely be seen outside of his study and he didn’t give the impression that he was working.

“I have a meeting in Toronto this afternoon,” he said. “I can drop you at Nathan’s house on the way if you want?” I looked suspiciously at him over a spoonful of shredded wheat. “I was just thinking about your bag.”

“It’s okay, I can carry it on my own, thanks.” He must have thought I was being ungrateful because he didn’t talk to me for a while after that but I actually preferred the silent treatment to him being over-friendly. I was generally more relaxed when he was ignoring me although recently it was clear that he had been at least attempting some kind of reconciliation.

If this was indeed, part of a dedicated attempt to appease me, then I was determined not to make it easy for him. It was going to take a lot longer than a few weeks and a lot more than the occasional friendly gesture to make any real inroads into the protective shell that I had built around myself.

That day, however, Don wasn’t the only one who seemed to be bending over backwards for me. The whole family were acting very strange and it wasn’t my imagination. It was starting to become obvious; conversations would abruptly cease whenever I walked into a room. They were talking about something but whatever it was, they definitely didn’t want me to know about it.

I was already on a fast-track to paranoia when Sue tipped me over the edge as I sat down for a sandwich. It was her day off but she told me that she was going to visit Alex at the hospital after lunch and asked me if I wanted to go with her.

I thought that it was nice of her to do that and I knew why. Alex was unlikely to get any other visitors because none of his real friends even knew that he was there.

“That way, I can drop you at Nathan’s on the way back,” she said and I bit my tongue instead of my sandwich. It was her fault why I was jumping around the kitchen in agony and it was now so obvious that I decided to call her bluff.

“I’ll go to the hospital,” I said. “But I’m not going to Nathan’s house tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because I changed my mind!”

“You can’t just change your mind, Robbie, he’s expecting you, it’s not fair.”

‘Since when has she been worried about fairness’?

“There’s been a change of plan, Nathan has to go out. Something really important has come up.” I knew that this would likely stir things up a bit, but I wasn’t expecting the reaction that I got. She looked as if she had just seen a ghost.

“Since when?” she demanded. “He didn’t tell us!”

“What’s up?” asked Nicola but I was wondering the same thing. My little joke had obviously hit a raw nerve and I tasted blood. Now I wanted to know more.

“Robbie can’t sleep at Nathan’s tonight?” said a very flustered looking Sue. She was talking to Nicola who wouldn’t have normally shown even the slightest interest in my nocturnal arrangements.

“Why not?” Nicola demanded. Again, it took me by surprise and I was wondering what it was that I had uncovered.

‘Are they planning some kind of surprise party to celebrate my adoption. That’s why they don’t want me here. But that doesn’t make sense’.

I decided to dig my heels in and keep to my story.

“He has to go somewhere,” I said. “He just sent me a text. It’s an emergency. I don’t mind though; I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I think that I’ll stay in tonight instead…what’s wrong?”

“I don’t believe you; show me the text?” said Nicola and she grabbed my arm.

“No! Let go of me.”

“Then you're lying.”

“So are you,” I said but I was smiling. “You're hiding something.” I could see Don in the doorway; he was staring at Sue but he didn’t look angry. Something was definitely going down and they knew that I was onto them. My party theory picked up momentum.

‘Typical of them to want to celebrate something so lame. Nathan’s probably in on it too. Maybe he’s supposed to bring me back here later’.

I was sure of it, but it wasn’t a surprise anymore so I wanted to know.

“Oops, am I interrupting something?” asked Daniel.

“You don’t want me to be here tonight,” I said speaking to all of them. “Why? What’s going on?” I snapped my head towards Don when I caught a glimpse of him mouthing something to Sue. Now, I really had them on the ropes and I smiled. “Someone say something then. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me. It’s not a surprise anymore; this is the worst kept secret of all time.”

“Mom?” said Nicola realising the futility of persisting with a plan that had been clearly foiled. I could see Sue weighing up her options but the game was up and I was ready to start celebrating my victory.

“You are the worst people in the world at keeping secrets,” I said. “It’s so obvious.”

“Shall we tell him then?” said Don.

“Well you have to, now,” said Nicola.

“YES!” I said. “You have to, but I already know?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise dear,” said Sue.

“I knew it. You people are unbelievable.”

“Someone’s coming to see you,” said Don.

I was laughing up until that point but I was obviously reading from the wrong page.

“I don’t get it.”

“A friend of yours,” said Nicola and I looked suspiciously towards her.

“You mean it’s not a party?” I felt disappointed; I was looking forward to a jolly up.

Don looked at me and laughed. “No,” he said. “It’s someone you know well, who’s come a long way to see you,”

“Someone you know very well,” added Daniel. I snapped my head at him and stared at his goofy smile but it was his sly wink, which finally gave it away.

The penny dropped!

‘No way’?

I looked around at their faces but their expressions were identical and no one said a word as the room fell silent. My eyes settled once again on Daniel’s half grin and when I dared to speak, my voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“Tom?” I was looking at Daniel but addressing everyone and it seemed like ages before Sue finally put me out of my misery.

“We were gonna surprise you,” she said and everyone seemed to breathe out at the same time. There were smiles all-round as they waited for my reaction, but if they had been expecting me to start jumping and screaming with joy, then they were disappointed.

“This is a joke, right?” I said calmly. “Are you serious?”

“He’ll be here this evening,” said Don as my eyes opened wide. “I’m picking him up from the airport at six.”

I was stunned and for once at a complete loss for words as I sat down at the kitchen table staring into space. I honestly didn’t know what to think, whether I was supposed to feel happy or annoyed. It had taken me a long time to get over him, now they were bringing him back.

‘They should’ve asked me first’.

It had only been nine months since our emotionally charged farewell at Heathrow, but it felt like much longer. Since then we had talked maybe ten or twelve times on Skype but I couldn’t remember the last time.

‘It must have been before my accident; he probably doesn’t even know about that’.

“Are you okay?” asked Nicola and I nodded but I could feel myself beginning to tear up. “I thought you would be happy.”

“Leave him alone,” said Sue as Don ushered Nicola and Daniel out of the kitchen. I needed time to think about it; it just seemed so unlikely—after all that had happened—that I would be seeing him again that very day, in less than six hours.

“How…how long have you known? Who else Knows about this?”

‘Does Nathan know? He has to know; he was part of their plan to get me out of the house’.

“Can I call him?” I asked jumping to my feet.

“Who Tom?” she said. “No, of course, you can’t call him; he’ll be in the air by now. But I talked to him and his mom last night.”

“Whose idea was this then?”

“It was Don’s idea,” she said. “Tom was going to be here as a surprise when you came back from the court tomorrow, but you obviously guessed that something was up.”

That wasn’t what I wanted to hear; it would mean that I would most likely have to thank him at some stage but at the time, I could still scarcely believe it was true.

I began pacing the kitchen and biting my nails. There was a lot that I needed to know.

“How can he afford it?”

“His dad paid his fare,” she said. “He’ll be staying here so he won’t need much spending money and it’s only going to be for a week because of his school.” That was going to be my next question.

“He’s staying here, is he on his own?”

“Yes, he’s on his own and of course he’s staying here. He’s your friend, where else would he stay? We were going to clear out the spare room upstairs if Alex was staying as well. Maybe you can start doing that this afternoon, Daniel.” He had been inching his way back into the kitchen but his face dropped at the mention of work.

“It’s filled with junk, Mom,” he said. “And it’s all Dad’s stuff.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, we haven’t got a bed to go in there yet anyway,” she said. “Tom can sleep on the sofa-bed tonight or in your bed if you don’t mind.” She was talking to me and I froze in panic.

‘Does she know, is she having some kind of a dig at me’?

Daniel looked at me with raised eyebrows and a faint smile.

“Very funny,” I said to Sue, taking her comment as a joke. I had completely forgotten where I was supposed to be that night but Sue was quick to remind me.

“I wasn’t making fun of you Robbie, I meant that he could sleep in your bed because you won't be here. I thought you were kidding about not being able to stay at Nathan’s tonight.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I was but…?” I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to stay at Nathan’s house now and Sue was quick to spot my hesitation.

“You wanna stay here with Tom, don’t you?” she said. “I can understand that; you're gonna have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Yeah, a lot of catching up,” I said but I was confused.

Tom was straight; he had told me about his girlfriend the last time we talked and had even shown me a photograph. I knew that he wouldn’t be coming over expecting us to carry on where we had left off.

‘We don’t even talk about those times anymore…Tom isn’t gay; he has never been gay. I need to forget about that. He probably has’.

I knew that he hadn’t though. It wouldn’t have been possible to just forget about something like that.

Our last night together was intense; nothing like the stuff that I was doing with Nathan, but more than just jerking each other off. It was going to be weird seeing him again after what had happened; after we had been so close.

“Well?” said Sue.

“Well, what?”

“I was asking you if you wanted to go with Don to the airport later?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Are you gonna come?” I asked Daniel.

“Sure and maybe you should ask Nathan too?” he said, but I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea.

“I can’t believe it,” I said as I finally allowed my face to break into a smile. It was a mistake. Relaxing the tight grip that I was holding on my emotions, was, perhaps, the wrong thing to do and my happy face was soon replaced by sobs and tears which appeared out of nowhere and without any reason.

I choked while trying to hold them back and then conscious of how silly I must have looked and fearing one of Sue’s conciliatory embraces, I made a hasty exit via the back door to the garden.

It was still raining as I walked across the grass in my socks, shorts, and t-shirt, but it was probably a blessing. I could cry all I wanted and no one could see me, hear me, or even tell that I had been balling my eyes out. Before I had even reached the trees at the back though, I was laughing again.

‘I’m obviously a total screwball. What will Tom make of me? I wonder if he’s changed, how will I feel when I see him again? TODAY. He’s going to be here today’!

It was too soon; they hadn’t given me enough time to prepare. I needed to do stuff, although I couldn’t think of anything that needed to be done and at the back of my mind, there was always Nathan.

‘Is this the reason why he’s been acting so strange’?

It seemed unlikely that Nathan was going to embrace the idea of his predecessor spending the week with me. He would put up with it, but he probably wouldn’t be too happy with the arrangement. I had stressed to Nathan in the past that Tom was never my boyfriend but I wasn’t sure if that was actually true. Tom was probably the only one who thought that, and even he was wavering at the time. We were, after all, doing pretty much everything that your average gay couple would do together and Nathan knew it.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I promised Tom that it would always be our secret’.

Now I was starting to feel guilty for betraying Tom. Not once but three times, because I had admitted it to Daniel too as well as Fran, when we were breaking up. My life was becoming complex and unorganised but worst of all, it no longer felt as if I had any control.

The rain got heavier and I was reminded not to sit under a tree during a storm by a streak of lightning and a crash of thunder that sent me running back to the house.

I was drenched and was forced to strip to my underwear before a highly amused Nicola would unlock the back door and allow me inside. “You’re such a dork,” she said and Amy joined her laughing at me as I made a dash for the bedroom and a quick change of clothes.

Daniel was lying on his bed as I searched my drawers for something to wear to visit Alex at the hospital.

“Did you call Nathan?” he asked.

“Not yet.” It wasn’t something that I wasn’t particularly looking forward to doing but I knew it had to be done.

“You need to call him dude, especially if you're not gonna stay over there tonight. He knows that Tom’s gonna be here”

“Yeah, I guessed as much.”

“Call him,” he said.

“Do you think that I should still go to Nathan’s?”

“That’s up to you dude but I would if it was me. You got plenty of time to be with Tom. Nathan will be upset if you don’t go.”

“Yeah, I suppose it makes sense.”

“Of course it does; you never know you might get another BJ out of it?”

I threw my wet briefs at him but he was probably right, a BJ would be the very least that I would be expecting in return for such loyalty.

*  *  *

Don offered to take me to see Alex, sparing his wife another trip to her workplace on her day off. It was obviously a day for surprises and there were a couple more waiting for me at the hospital. The first one was in the form of a police officer who wanted to know who Don and I were and see ID before allowing us in to see Alex. The second one was hearing my friend laughing as the policeman opened the door for us. I was expecting my friend to be feeling a little sorry for himself, after all, he didn’t really have that much to be happy about but Alex was obviously able to make the most of a bad situation.

“Hey buddy, you wanna come back in half-an-hour?” he said. “The nurse is about to give me a bath.”

The nurse that he was referring to was a buxom, young, female redhead who, despite an encouraging smile, seemed to refuse his request and rolled her eyes.

Don held back unsure if it was a joke or not but I took the chair next to the bed. If this was true, then I wanted a front row seat.

Alex, as it transpired, was being a little optimistic but his blatant sexual overtones appealed to Don’s heterosexual sense of humour and from that moment on, my friend could do no wrong in his eyes.

I could almost hear Don thinking. ‘Why can’t Robbie be more like Alex’? I was sure that he would have swapped me in an instant if he could have.

“Is there still a cop outside the door?” asked Alex and I nodded. “I guess they’re expecting him to come back and finish me off.” I wasn’t sure why the policeman was there but Don told me later that he would have a guard on the door until his dad was in custody. Alex had provided the police with enough details of his long-suffering abuse to potentially put him away for a long time and they weren’t about to take any chances with their star witness. It seemed at first as if they were overreacting but details would emerge later that would justify their decision.

“How’s Luke?” I asked.

“I talked to him earlier on the phone. He doesn’t know about this,” said Alex. “He’s still at his buddy’s house.” He bit his lip and I looked away. I had never seen Alex upset. “I had to take him there, you know? It was late at night but I had to get him outta the house…my old man was going crazy.”

“You did the right thing, Alex,” said Don and for once I agreed with my uncle but his reassurance wasn’t a lot of help.

“The cops sent someone over there to explain to the kid’s parents. Luke can stay there for a while but he wants to go home. I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“Things will start to get better now,” I said although I really wasn’t sure if they would.

“I’ll come back to see you with my friend Tom from England,” I said. “We’re going to pick him up this evening.”

“That’s a fucking long drive dude,” said Alex.

“Yeah…. No, I meant from the airport silly,” I said but Don and Alex were already laughing at me.

“Shit man, it hurts my fucking ribs when I laugh,” he said. “Oh and don’t forget I’m gonna kick your ass when I get outta here for making fun of me.”

“I’m looking forward to it, Alex.” Maybe that was the wrong thing to say but his reply gave me plenty to think about on the way home.

“I thought you would be,” he said and smiled but even the prospect of hitting a close friend wasn’t enough to keep his spirits up and when we left, he looked much like I was expecting him to look when we arrived.

“I think all we did was make him feel worse,” I said to Don in the car. “He was okay before we got there.”

“He’s not okay Robbie. It’ll be a while before he’s okay. But he’s a good kid…and a bit of a lady’s man too it seems.” He chuckled at his supposed discovery while I shook my head and stared out of the window.

*  *  *

When we got back to the house, I helped Daniel set up the sofa-bed for Tom as I summoned up the courage to call Nathan to tell him something that I knew he already knew.

“How did you guess,” he asked.

“It wasn’t that difficult. Nobody in this family can keep a secret.”

“That’s too bad,” he said. “It would’ve been a nice surprise for you. So I guess this means that you won’t be sleeping over tonight after all?” I was surprised to hear him say that.

“Don’t you mind?”

“Of course I mind, but I’m not gonna drag you away from your best friend, am I? You haven’t seen him in eight months. You're gonna have a lot to talk about. As long as you don’t fall into old habits then it’s cool.”

“That definitely won’t happen, Nathan. You trust me, don’t you?”

“I think I do.”

“YOU THINK?”

“Okay, I trust you.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t hurt you, Nathan,” I was as serious as I could possibly be whilst shaking with nervous excitement and counting down the clock to our arranged departure time.

“I believe you,” he said. “You're so sweet.”

I thought it was very cool of Nathan to be so understanding but I didn’t want him to feel left out.

“Why don’t you come with us to the airport,” I said. “I want you to meet him and he’s gonna definitely wanna meet you…. Please? Daniel’s coming. It’ll be fun…promise.”

“Okay, okay already. Geez, somebody’s excited around here. As long as you don’t cream your pants when you see him.”

“Don’t worry Nathan, you're the only one who could make me do that.”

“Well, just to let you know, while we’re on the subject of sex,” he said. “I have something special lined up for you on your birthday.”

“Wow! What is it?”

“I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise, but it’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

“For who, me or you?”

“For everyone!”