18 Weeks of Twoey - 120. Week Eighteen Monday Dec 29, 2014: Peaches and Cream

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.

Alice Walker

***

You simply cannot believe what it was like to wake up in the arms of the dream I never thought would come true. To be finally connected to my other half completed me in a way I never knew possible. I didn’t want to move a muscle, to disturb this perfection. I didn’t even mind the blond hair in my face or the urge to get up and pee. I needed us to stay right where we were for as long as it was possible. Maybe I didn’t believe it or thought it would be some kind of mirage. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his muscular arm again, but it probably woke him up.

David’s kiss was the next thing I felt, gently caressing my lips, which were now fighting so hard not to smile. I never tired of his kisses. After we put the living room back together, kissing was all we did last night. I sensed my angel was completely drained. We kissed and hugged and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Hard to believe, but it was the most sensuous thing I’d ever felt. All my experiences with being gay were a sexual veneer compared to the almost chaste, but genuine article I experienced last night.

And now I could avoid it no longer.

“Angel, I need to pee – Urgently!”

After both peeing, we showered together for the first, but certainly not the last, time. I found us each some basketball shorts which were all we wore as we made our way into the kitchen. My angel put up a pot of coffee and began to rustle up some breakfast. He sure didn’t forget his way around our kitchen.

“Twoey, I only began drinking coffee so I could feel something again after you were shot. I never liked coffee. But now I’m addicted to it in a way, but not how you might think.”

“Not by the caffeine?”

“No. Remember when you were in the hospital and...”

“You ran down to get a cup of coffee every time you kissed me.”

“Exactly. Coffee and a Twoey kiss are now permanently wired together in my brain.”

Then he leaned over and we kissed.

He smiled and said, “I wonder how many times we’ve kissed since last night at the party.”

“One hundred fourty-three times.”

“Really?”

“Yep. I counted each one.”

“Twoey, that’s so OCD!”

That, coming from my angel, made me break into serious laughter. Even he joined in; he had to realize how he behaved!

“OK. Well if that’s the case, then we mathematically need one more before our serious discussion.”

“Angel, why one more and what serious discussion?”

“Well, we can’t leave our kisses one shy of a perfect square, can we?”

“Are you going to do this with all our kisses?”

“No.”

“Whew! Now, what serious discussion?”

“All will be made clear after breakfast.”

David quickly produced ham, eggs and toast. We enjoyed it with orange juice and loving looks. When we finished he held up a finger, hustled to the fridge, did something I couldn’t see, went to the counter and whisked something, and then brought over two small plates.

“What’s this?”

“Peaches and Cream. It’s how I feel right now, and it’s what you are to me.”

He melted me again. We fed each other forkfuls of the delicious treat, never breaking our gaze.

“Let’s clean up here and go into the living room to get comfortable.”

While we were cleaning up I got my kiss number 144. It was perfect.

“OK, here we are.”

We were sitting side by side on the sofa. My angel moved a bit and gently laid me down, so my head was resting in his lap. He began caressing my face and I began drifting into a total delight.

“Well two things really. The second thing is, after we have our little talk, I’m asking you to come with me on a little tour I think is very necessary.”

“A tour?”

“Yes. I need to apologize to some friends who have been good to me. I have not been good to them. I have definitely not been good to them. We have to start *us* off on the right foot. I can’t have this shame soiling the beginning of our relationship. Don’t you agree?”

“If you feel any shame, then yes, certainly.”

“The first thing, though, is we need to talk about us.”

David was gently running his fingers through my hair, but I could see his eyes were filled. He was opening up to me. God, he’s crossed so many barriers in the last day.

“OK, Angel, let’s talk.”

“This is it, right? I mean US. We’re in this forever, right?”

“Yes. It’s always been that way for me. Even when I thought you were straight, I was still in love with you. I’ve had it so bad I could hardly even sleep at night just waiting for you to admit it.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. You’re the first and most important apology I owe.” He bent down to grace me with kiss 145, including a tear leaking out and onto my cheek.

Then he smiled. “I already knew the answer. I only wanted to hear it aloud. But you always knew I loved you, didn’t you?”

“Yes. Somewhere inside me, I always knew. I wish I was the kind of person who kept a diary.” Then I chuckled.

“A diary? Why?”

“Do you know what I would have written when I started meeting with Erik in the stands watching your practice?”

“I have no clue.”

“I hope you understand the only reason I was even in those stands, watching your practice, was that I couldn’t control my attraction to you. If I had a diary, I would have written that Erik was the kind of diversion I needed to keep me from obsessing over you – because that was exactly the thought in my head. Later, when Erik asked me to be his boyfriend, I was in the middle of suffering from the loss of Danny and, quite frankly, you. It was the perfect storm, and he reeled me in like a professional fisherman. I couldn’t see it, but my angel could.”

“Well, I saw something that didn’t look right, and it worried me. It worried Sam too, by the way. But you really have to give credit to your best friend Mike for jumping in and taking serious action. He’s a good guy Twoey – never forget it!”

“I know that now, more than ever. I have to confess a few things to you, David. It’s important you know, although I’ll spare you the details. I’ve been fooling around with some guys this fall. Even though I sorta came out last spring, I was totally innocent and naive, sex-wise, when I arrived in this little town. But I’ve had a taste of sex now. Not a lot but ...well, I have. You need to know. I wouldn’t feel honest if I didn’t tell you.”

He chuckled. “Thanks, Peaches, and I guess I should be honest with you too.”

“Peaches?”

“Do you mind? You’re sweet and tart at the same time, and the most delicious thing the Gods put on this Earth.”

“Aw – I like it. But what do you have to be honest with me about?”

He chuckled again. “Um ...well about the sex. Me too.”

“You don’t have to confess to having sex with Alex, I assumed you did.” I could see David trying to suppress a smile.

“Actually, I never had sex with Alex, much as she tried. Or for that matter with Kathy either, which I’m sure is one reason she preferred her cheating boyfriend.”

“Who with then? I never saw you with any other girl. OMG not Terri!!!” David cringed.

“Jesus, no! First, I'd never cheat with someone! Second, even if I would, I certainly wouldn’t pick a girl going with a football player a year older than me! I might be deranged, as Gary called me, but I’m not crazy!”

“Well, I’m lost then. I give up!”

“It was a boy.”

“Holy Fuck! – Really?”

David continued.

“I think I was starting to explore the possibility I might be gay. At least I think my subconscious mind was doing that. My conscious mind was still in denial – but it went along for the ride. I think it admitted I wasn’t straight, but ‘gay’ was still a forbidden concept. Anyway, it started with a few kissing sessions with Randy. He’s a good kisser by the way. He wanted a lot more though. But I resisted going any further. It was when I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't completely straight. In fact, I had a three way conversation with Alex and Randy. It ultimately led to Alex and me agreeing to stop being a couple.”

“Hmmm, a three-way with Alex and Randy. How intriguing!”

“Peaches, you have a filthy mind!”

“OK, not Randy.”

“No ...anyway, right at about that time I met a freshman swimmer, Donny Nelson. Do you know him?”

I couldn’t put a face to the name.

“No, I don’t think so. But this is the guy you went to Syracuse with, and who goes to your church?”

“Yes, the very same. Well, our paths kept crossing. One day he bumped into me when I was in a deep funk down by the lake.”

I interrupted.

“Wait! Freshman ...Donny ...the lake? Yeah, I briefly met him once at the lake and spotted him there a few more times. Cute kid.”

“Yeah, that’s Donny. He was helping me to understand my confused feelings and actually uncovered my abuse. Things sort of heated up from there. He was actually very nice and always gentle and patient. I think he understood some of what was going on in my head. I even met his family and had dinner there a few times. Ironically, Tommy is going with his sister. He’s probably over there right now ...hehe.”

“Holy Shit!”

“Yeah, you got that right. As you figured out, Donny goes to the UCC church I’m at now. Anyway, we progressed from kisses all the way to real sex on Christmas Eve. We only did it once. Sorry, but it happened. And there’s some unfinished business with Donny for me. Loose ends I can’t ignore. I said some really awful things to him. I had a meltdown at the rink.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I sort of heard about that.”

“Yes indeed. Well, it was the crisis moment for me. I thought my friends were smothering me and judging me and I started to shed them fast and furiously, but it was really my denial coming to a head. I was suddenly starting to understand who I really was. I think my body was fighting back, because I was getting enormously painful headaches. They hit me again at the rink. One actually knocked me right off my chair! My friends all clustered around and I still had the head pains and simply lost it. I said some bad things. I guess they followed me home and arrived after I drank all that vodka, and well I turned belligerent. Twoey, I need to have a talk with Donny, today if possible, and I want you there. I know I hurt a really wonderful guy, one who tried to help me. I hurt him bad. I hope you don’t mind if we go to him.”

“Of course not.”

And then David said the most chilling thing to me. It stunned me. It made me realize how I had failed him. The boy who saved my life, the angel who rescued me from despair, was sitting one block away from my worthless being, himself in despair.

“There are a few things you need to know about too. The first, and most serious, is that I was going to off myself yesterday morning.”

I shot up and hugged him tightly. Tears exploded from my eyes as the magnitude of my failure sunk in. He gently kissed me and continued.

“I don’t know if I would have ever gone through with it, but I really wanted to. I was sitting in the tub with the box-cutter’s blade right on my wrist. The only thing that seemed to stop me was the vision of my brother’s face when he would have discovered me. Also, Alex was pounding down my door …hehe.”

Alex! Why was she there but not me? Now I really felt like shit. I think he could read my thoughts. I received another soft kiss.

“All those feelings have miraculously vanished now that I’m with you. My thinking was pretty twisted at that moment. I was out of control. And I’m not fixed yet. You should know that; I’m not fixed yet. I’m sure those repressed memories of the abuse are going to kick me in the butt. You’ll need to be patient with me, but please don’t coddle me. Don’t take any crap from me. We are forever. I will endure anything for you. You have to believe that. I’m switching therapists too. Ginny understands me. I don’t give a shit about phsycho-ethics or whatever the hell stopped her from working with me in the first place. All I know is that I never felt more comfortable or more forthcoming with anyone like I was with her when you were in the hospital. Your mom will fix me! I know she will!”

Then he cleared his throat. “So here I am, on the first day of the eighteenth week we’ve known each other. The eighteenth week of Twoey. For the first time ever, I'm going to say it out loud. I am not straight. I am not bisexual. I. Am. Gay. That’s who I am. I’m comfortable with who I am, but I’m scared shitless.”

I met his eyes.

“I told you I’d wait for you. Well the waiting is over!”

I pulled him down and met his lips. He paused for a second but then completely melted into me. His hair fell over my face, just as it did in the first fantasy of mine he was in, way back on the first day I met him. But this was no fantasy. He tasted like toothpaste and peaches. My angel started sobbing.

He whispered to me. “Whatever we go through in the future Twoey, promise me you will never allow me to make a plan for anything. I want us to live our life without a fucking plan!”

I chuckled and kissed him again. Kiss number ahundredsomethingorother – not gonna count anymore.

After that magical moment, he surprised me – again.

“Call your mother.”

“Right now?”

“We should have called her earlier. I don’t want her worrying about me, and she needs to know about us. I’m surprised she hasn’t called you before now.”

The heat of a blush exploded on my face. “Actually, she did call last night, but it was during the party. No way was I going to answer with all that going on. And then after, well we sort of got sidetracked and I forgot all about her.”

“Well, call her now, and then give me the phone.”

When she answered, she didn’t sound too happy.

“Michael! Finally! Why couldn’t I contact you last night? I was worried sick!”

“Sorry Mom. Something happened, and I was with David. I …uh, forgot all about your missed call last night. Anyway, he’s right here and wants to talk to you.”

I quickly and gladly passed the phone off to him like it was a hot potato. I hoped he would distract her so she wouldn’t press me about last night.

“Hi, Ginny? It’s David.”

“I’m OK now – yes, it was pretty wicked – I know, it was awfully stupid – I realize that – certainly – yes – don’t worry about that – I understand – I know – Look, I have a few things I want you to know – no – I don’t thinks so – Now, about those things I want to tell you – I understand – I realize that now – no, I wasn’t thinking very clearly – Look, I need to tell you something – no – no – no, I would never do that. Look Ginny, please! – Ginny! I’m GAY! – yes – It became obvious to even my thick head over the last couple of weeks. – I actually feel good about it. – No, I think all the stress was before I admitted it to myself. Now I feel content. – She was the one who sort of helped me understand. – I know she is. I still love her, I’m just not in love with her. – No, I won’t eventually find someone. – Yes I’m certain. I’m positively certain that I won’t eventually find someone. – Because I already have! And he’s sitting right here beside me. – Yes, of course it’s him! Who else could it possibly be?! – I just wanted you to know. I also want you to be my therapist after the New Year. – I don’t care. It’s you or nobody! – It doesn’t matter. – OK, enjoy your last few days in Boston. – I know. – Yes, I know. – I’ll tell him. Bye.”

He dropped his head on my shoulder with a great sigh of relief. Then he chuckled.

“I’m glad that’s over! I didn’t even get a chance to tell her I’m adopting her as my new mother.”

Then he lay down, facing me, stretched out on the sofa. My poor angel looked tired again. Comfortable in each other’s arms, stealing a kiss now and then, we fell asleep.

Later, I dressed but he put on last night’s clothes. We walked over to his house where he changed into fresh clothes, even underwear, while letting me watch. Tommy wasn’t there, but he left him a note.

“Maybe we’ll find him at the Nelson’s or he could have crashed at a friend’s house – Maybe Mark’s.”

That made a frightening thought bubble up, which I quickly suppressed.

His eyes jumped between the two of us when Donny opened the door. He knew.

“Um, Hey. Maybe we should go up to my room?”

He was a cute kid and I did remember him from the lake. He shut his bedroom door, and then David and I sat on his bed. Donny took his computer chair.

“This is Twoey, right?”

“Yes.”

“He’s the one you’ve chosen, right?”

“He’s always been the one.”

“I believe you. This is what you were fighting?”

“Not Twoey, but being gay, yes. Friday at the rink was my mind’s last battle. I’m sorry for the stuff I said. You know I didn’t mean it, don’t you? I never wanted to hurt you, Donny.”

“I’m so sorry I gave you that vodka. You could have died.”

“I almost did, but not from the vodka.”

“You didn’t… “

“Almost.”

“Shit! I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. That’s something else I’ve realized. Everything I did was my own fault.”

“Well, I’m sad. But, believe it or not, I understand.”

Then he looked at me.

“He's special. Take care of him, Twoey.”

At that, we got up and worked our way out.

“Next stop?”

“Sam. Twoey, can you text him to see if he’s home? I can’t wait to get a new phone.”

I did, and he was.

“You two look perfect together. What took you so long, David?”

“Stupidity.”

“Yes, I’m sure there was a lot of that.”

“I’m sorry for whatever I said and did on Friday night. In a way, I’m glad I can’t remember. I hope I didn’t ruin our friendship.”

“No, you didn’t. And somehow I have the feeling we’re never going to see you like that again.”

“You won’t. I’m not healed yet, but I can feel inside me that I’m getting better. Plus my new mother is a shrink.”

Sam looked at me. “Twoey, you’re going to share your mother?”

“He doesn’t know what he’s in for, but yes, if that’s what he wants, I’m not going to interfere.”

David hugged Sam and whispered something that I didn’t hear. The next stop was Nels’ house. David apologized to him and Lauri, who was also there. David looked unsure about Nels, but when he said we were the perfect couple, I could see David physically relax. On our way to Gary’s I asked him about that.

“In my twisted-up thinking, I thought Nels was going to stop being my friend when he found out I was gay.”

“What on Earth made you think that? It never bothered him that I was gay.”

“In my precise, rational thinking, I was wildly irrational. I can see that plainly now.”

The visit with Gary was interesting.

“You thought I was upset you were gay?! Are you an idiot? You realize the only thing I was angry about was that you didn’t tell me you were gay. I was a little hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Gary. You have no idea what weird stuff my mind was doing just trying to keep up with all my little secrets. Most of them were actually being kept from me. I was sorta out of control these last few days. Will you forgive me?”

Gary hugged him. “Of course. I was so very worried about you. But I can tell you’re safe now. Just looking at you, I can tell. There’s a calmness I almost forgot you used to always have. It’s back.”

And so the apology tour was over. We stopped back at David’s house where he packed some clothes and bathroom stuff into an overnight bag.

“Tommy can take care of himself. He’s hardly been home anyway. I left him a note. He knows where I am.”

Back home, David made me supper. After supper, he made me his. I asked him to make love to me and he said he would do anything for me. I don’t think I ever understood what lovemaking was. He was so caring, so gentle, so loving. But most of all, it was David. Tonight was the final understanding of what it would mean to be Twoey and David – Peaches and Cream? And the good news was, I knew it could only get better and better.

Only the sky would be the limit as our love continues to grow.