18 Weeks of Twoey - 33. Week Five Friday October 3, 2014: Homecoming Game

The day began in sadness wreathed with grief.

Approaching Gary for the morning run, I was greeted by the same red eyes which looked at me in my mirror. We can’t shake the funeral. Our run was quiet. Toward the end, Gary asked a question.

“Are you going to the homecoming game tonight?”

“Kathy and I decided to go to the game and the dance tomorrow. Maybe it'll help us start to recover from all this death.”

“I think Mel and I should sit with you guys tonight ...is it OK?”

“Of course dummy! ...Jeez.”

Back in my room after a very long, very hot shower, I sat on my bed with legs folded under me and centered my being. Soon I was in the place again and felt Twoey. He ‘told’ me he came here when he had pain, because they drug him. He was still somehow incomplete, but less sad than the last time.

Something happened.

I didn't intend to tell him this. I didn't even have this as a thought before the very moment, but my altered consciousness ‘told’ him I loved him and would always be there for him. He had to fight to live and heal so he could be with me.

I suddenly woke up!!! Whoah! Where did that thought come from? I sure am doing some weird dreaming!

More time than I expected must have passed. When I came out of it, Tommy was sitting next to me on the bed with a plate of toast and a glass of OJ. His rubbing my back woke me up.

“Eat this now! The gang’s gonna be here in like 10 minutes. And you oughta put on at least some clothes ...dontcha think?” His eyes twinkled, he gave me a small kiss on the cheek, and fled the room. I realized I was still naked.

I love my brother!

OMG ...did I really dream I told Twoey I loved him? This has gotta be from all the stuff Carl told me. It’s gotta be all rolling around in my subconscious right now. I guess it’s the way dreams are created.

Walking silently past Tommy's mother, I went out to meet Gary, Nels and Sam. I wore black jeans and a black sweatshirt today. The guys were still trying to piece together what happened Saturday night, but I stayed out of the conversation completely. I didn't want to inadvertently drop any clues as to what I now knew truly happened.

Nels said, “David, you’re being awfully quiet again.”

“Nothing matters. It won't bring Danny back. But I did speak with Twoey's mom last night. At least it looks like he might make it.” It lifted their mood ...a little.

I found out from Nels which homeroom Lauri was in. As soon as I sorted the books from my locker I headed right over. Lanni was sitting at the seat in front of her sister and I motioned her to the door. When she came out I brought her up to date on Twoey. She looked sooo relieved. I'm sure she thought he was a goner, as did the rest of us. I got my second kiss on the cheek this morning! But unlike Tommy’s, the little kiss from Lanni gave me goose bumps.

Before Math class, I told Kathy of our homecoming game plans. I passed on the good news about Twoey, first to Kathy and next to Terri as I sat down beside the now not-quite-so-depressing empty desk. Suddenly realizing Twoey was gonna be way behind in his subjects, I took extra careful notes in math, to the amusement of Mr. Elcher. You see, I never take any notes in math cuz it's pretty easy for me. Everything simply makes sense. But, of course, these notes are for Twoey ...and I bet Elcher knows exactly that!

The little kid behind me giggled too when I started taking notes. I was about swing around and snap at him when I realized it had to be a coincidence. He must have been giggling about something else. He couldn’t possibly have known anything about note taking. Jeez ...I’ve gotta calm down before I do go postal!

At lunch the conversation started to drift to normal stuff. Matty was at our table but Erik wasn't. Matty said, “Erik didn't come to school today. I think the funeral yesterday really got him down.”

I know he and Danny were friends. I told Matty to make sure Erik knows about the improvement in Twoey's condition and he smilingly promised to do it. Matty really is a sweet guy. I’m gonna miss him when wrestling season begins.

I had a sort of mini-meltdown starting in social. Ignoring Burch’s usual stupid lecture, my mind wandered to Danny, of course. It happens a lot. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal. This period though, especially with nothing else meaningful to focus on, my grief deepened. By now it was only 10 minutes before the end of the period, but I wasn’t going to make it. I got up, grabbed my backpack and headed for the door, telling Burch I needed to go to the John as I blew by his desk. I didn’t bother to wait for a pass, I couldn’t. As soon as I entered the Lav, the tears began. Leaning against the sink, I cried until the bell rang. I washed my face and tried to refresh myself.

Sixth period is study hall. I had nothing to do but sink into a deeper funk. The tears started out of nowhere, before I could escape to the Lav. I sat there crying for nearly the entire period. I only stopped crying when my thoughts turned to me. How do you know if you’re going crazy? Can a person feel it happening? Does it hide itself from you? Are you crazy but don’t realize it?

I mean, look at me. I’m dreaming that I meet Twoey. It feels real. I dreamed I told him I loved him. It felt real. I suddenly cry. I feel I’m out of control, something I’ve never felt before. Maybe I’m already crazy! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in an institution. That’s exactly where Tommy’s mother and Johnson will want me though. I’d have no way to prevent it. I’d be at their mercy. I think I’d self-terminate before I let it happen. I’d have to.

What I need to do is pay close attention to my breakdowns to see if they’re getting worse. I’ll have to listen for hidden meanings in things they say. I’m probably over-thinking again, but I have to stay alert. No way are they going to put David away to rot. No way.

I ditched Gym today. It was closed for decorating anyway. I don’t know what we were going to do, but it couldn’t have been important. I went outside and sat in the bleachers until XCountry practice began. I tried to think of absolutely nothing. It’s more difficult than you think!

It seemed strange to have XCountry practice with no one in the stands! As we walked home, I explained to Gary about the rest of my conversation with Twoey's mom and how she was going to teach me to cook in trade for helping Twoey with his schoolwork during a long recovery. Gary chuckled.

“What?”

“Don’t you remember what a dick you were when we first met him? Twoey told me he was sure you hated him. Now you're gonna be with him more than your girlfriend! How weird is that, huh?”

You know, I did have to chuckle a little. At the same time, I worried a little.

We picked up the girls around 6:30, getting to the stadium in time for the 7:00 kickoff. We were playing Catanga Central, our arch-rivals from across the lake. It was a super sweet game, very close with the lead shifting back and forth. Ron Grady made some fantastic catches and also scored two touchdowns. Terri's was the loudest voice in the stadium. I think she even drowned out the cheerleaders ...haha.

Anyway, the left side wide receiver got injured in the fourth quarter and Biggy finally got into the game. The score was tied with less than a minute left when our quarterback, Larry Lewis, went back to pass. It seemed Catanga had set up a well-hidden blitz. There was a man who came in, unimpeded, for a direct shot at Larry.

Or so he thought.

Suddenly I saw big #53 charging at the guy from his side. Apparently Greg faked going through the line and fell back to pick up the blitz. Greg delivered a crushing block. The kid never saw him coming and flew about five yards before he hit the ground. It gave Larry enough time and space to throw a bomb down the left sideline to a wide open Biggy who ran in for the touchdown, and the win!

Jeez, I was so happy for him! He never even thought he'd get to play and he's the hero of the game. I also learned a couple things about Greg. First, he’s quick as hell. No wonder he got to me fast when I was punching Biggy. Second, it's better to be hugged by my fullback than to be HIT by him!

As everybody was starting to leave, I told them to wait for me and dashed down to the field as Biggy was heading for the locker room. I went up and gave him a big hug at patted his shoulder pads, telling him I knew how good he was all along. He told me he really appreciated it! It made me feel good.

We went to Kory's for a little food after the game. This time I ate my veggie-burger with its roll. I gotta fatten up. It was too late to stop at Twoey's and tomorrow's the dance. I think I'll stop over after the morning run to see if I can catch his mom.

I snuck into my house through the back door, shut off my phone and tried to sleep with no thoughts in my brain.

Twoey

I was floating and felt David again. I felt slightly divided because my love for him was swelling and I was missing Danny so much. He told me he would be there for me. He told me I had to live and get better because he loved me and wanted to be with me!

He suddenly vanished but now I was in pure bliss ...and I floated for a long while, happy now.

When I woke up I had a big smile plastered on my face, I could feel it. Mom was there and said I had slept all day with a happy look on my face. I was totally at peace. She inquired if I wanted to ask anything and I gently shook my head. I didn't need to know anything about anything. David said he loved me.

She explained when I was well enough to come home, David was going to spend every day after school helping me catch up on my work and she was going to teach him how to cook. He'll have supper with us every night. Now there was no doubt in my mind about the message from David. I noticed the depressed feeling I had was slowly leaving. I had something to live for ...to fight for, exactly as Danny predicted. I’m going to have a boyfriend ...the boy of my dreams.

I got a medium pain in my head but I pressed the button anyway. Maybe David would be there again!

But no, I was ...alone, but happy.