18 Weeks of Twoey - 17. Week Three Wednesday September 17, 2014: Milestone

It’s time to rue the day that brought me here.

Raskolnikov has confessed his crime, but I think his real punishment happened way before the confession. He should have confessed sooner. I think I’ll paint my room yellow. I'm also thinking maybe I better apologize to Biggy. I don't want this eating away at me like poor Raskolnikov. Apparently, Biggy never actually hit Twoey. Well, here it all is in Gary’s little newsletter.

News of The Day

1. Twoey told us Biggy was only trying to push him away and his ring caught his lip.

2.   Kathy wants you to ask your mother if you can spend all day Saturday together. She says, “We have some catching up to do!”    

3. The lunch table is boring without you around. Now we’re almost outnumbered by the wrestlers.

4. Elcher is not happy that you got into the fight. He’s worried about Friday’s race. Me too.

5. Cal Shithead was using your MIA status to trash talk you at practice today. Don’t worry, Martin and I reminded him he wouldn’t run too well with a broken leg.

6. Somehow Larry Lewis found out about this newsletter. He said when you get back, he wants you and him and Biggy to get together at Tim Horton’s. Do it David! Larry’s a good guy.

OK, Biggy didn't really hit Twoey as I thought, but was pushing him away. I went apeshit for nothing! Now I was beginning to wonder if I would have done the same if it hadn't been Twoey.

Being alone all this time made me think way too much! But really, was the magnetic attraction to him skewing my behavior? And not only this fight? Maybe I shouldn't be around him at all? Isn’t this exactly where I was on Day One? Crap! My life was getting too fucking tough!!!

I think I knew what Kathy meant ...but I didn't know what to do. I certainly didn’t want to do what I think she meant. I don’t mean ever, I mean now and with her. It’s sorta difficult for me to explain. You see, I’m a pretty emotional guy on the inside, even if I try to be cool, calm and even-tempered on the outside. Things roil inside me ...often. I internalize stuff way too much, I know that. I’m not stupid. Maybe it’s why I think about everything so much. Some of my friends don’t ever seem to do it. I’m almost a little jealous of them. Their life’s path seems somehow easier to walk.

My internal reflections on sex and love were full of romance. I don’t know if I could ever have sex with someone without the emotional component. I guess I could never be a prostitute--if I were a girl, of course! Although, I guess there are boy prostitutes too. Probably only down in New York City somewhere. I’ll have to ask Grampa one day. The point of all this is Kathy and I had no emotional component. What was I supposed to do? I knew what Gary would recommend and I could sort of see Kathy hinting, but could I do it? I didn’t necessarily mean forny-cashun, but wasn’t everything prior to fucking her simply building up to it? I think my mind wanted those things to be steps on a journey. But what if the other person in your relationship didn’t? What if they only wanted to enjoy those steps but have no journey? What would that portend for the future of my relationship? Am I making any sense at all? I don’t know. And that was my predicament. I simply did not know.

Another thing I didn't know is if I would even be allowed to be with her Saturday. I sure didn't want to ask Tommy's mother too soon, while I was still in prison. I'll wait until Friday night and ask then. If she was still angry, it might be a no-go anyway. You know, I’m almost squeezing for the no-go. How the hell did this Saturday thing get firmed up without me ever asking her in the first place? Jeez! I feel like a spectator to my own life.

Wow, Larry Lewis! BMOC. Good ol’ #2, the captain, the quarterback, a senior. I didn’t think he even knew I existed! I wonder what he wants the three of us to talk about?

Why would Cal trash talk me? I didn’t cheat on his girlfriend. He did. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became. You know those rumors of me being her boyfriend? Well, they must have reached him too. He was only protecting his rep.

I’ll tell you what Cal: Take Her Back!

Twoey

I walked to school in the rear, next to Sam. Danny was an iceberg and walked alone. Tweedledum and Tweedledee were in front, conspiring and chuckling.

“I overheard Nels say he called Kathy last night.” Sam was whispering to me.

“What do you think they’re up to now?”

Sam shuddered. “I don’t even want to think.”

“Should we do anything?”

Sam shook his head no. “Yeah ...we should, but I don’t know. Both those fools are now teamed up with Kathy, who’s not exactly Mensa, and I think the situation is hopeless.”

“Horsey-Forced!” I was chuckling now. I think Danny heard my comment, cuz he looked back with a twinkle and a smirk.

Finally, we got to school and I saw Erik walking over from the parking lot. I broke away from the gang to join him. It was Wednesday! Erik eyed me like I was breakfast. Later in the day, he kept looking at me during lunch and in gym like I was dessert. I think we covered the distance from school to his house in like half a minute. We were out of our clothes and on his bed and making-out within seconds. But then I think we both realized we had lots of time. We controlled our fervor. Our tongues, while exploring each other's mouths, weren't quite as needy as last week, and it was a real pleasure to feel him under me, sliding his body against mine. A striking departure from last Saturday at Danny's. Of course, I was now sporting a split lip. Maybe he was only being extra careful. Whatever the reason, I think I preferred this temperature.

For two guys who really aren't in love this was awfully tender. We would kiss, maybe nibble on a nipple or other body part. We’d smile and talk or giggle a little. I think I blushed a lot. Then we'd go back to body exploration. I discovered his back enjoys being massaged. I discovered he blushes if your tongue is in his ear. I discovered I start to lose control when my earlobe is being nibbled. And all these discoveries were far away from the zone where I assumed the action would be. It was really quite erotic. I was learning a lot!

We slipped into a sixty-nine, rolling onto our sides. While he sucked my now demanding tool, his hands were all over my ass. I tried to follow along. I had never done anything like this before. Well you know, I hadn't really done anything except what I've told you about in this last week and a half.

After a while, he pulled off and turned around behind me to let his erection slide through my crack as he slowly stroked mine. This felt really good, especially as the head slipped across my pucker. Oh God! It sent electricity right through my body every time it happened.

His hand reached down and cupped my balls as he kept hitting that pucker. Erik nibble on my ear--I almost came right there--and he whispered, “I want to make love to you.”

I was still feeling ecstatic when I said, “Oh God, yes!!” But I sobered right up. Was I really ready for this right now?

He reached over to the table by his bed, opening a drawer and taking out a plastic bottle.

He proceeded to ‘prepare me’ as he put it. Preparing me was very uncomfortable. I’m sure he thought all the time he took with me, lubing and stretching with one then two then finally three fingers was him being gentle, but it was very uncomfortable ...and hurt. I actually considered calling a stop to it. But I thought, well it’s gotta happen sometime and Erik should probably be the one to do it and the sooner the better and I knew it wasn’t supposed to feel great the first time and he did have me worked up before and OUCH!!!

My body rejected him! I squeezed right down and pushed him back out.

Erik told me to relax. What? Was he fucking crazy?

He worked on me more and tried to explain about pushing out. You know, you can’t push out and relax at the same time OUCH!!

My body squeezed him out the second time! But shit, he wasn’t gonna give up! More preparation and lube and now he was nibbling my ear and sliding his cock through my crack again and now ...but this time it stayed in a bit and he told me to push out, which I did, and I guess the third time was the charm, if you want to call the most painful feeling of your whole fucking entire existence a charm!

The result was, he ‘made love to me’ for about ten minutes of agony, pulled out and turned me onto my back and re-entered. When he ultimately got all the way in he kissed me. I’ll have to admit, until this very moment I wasn’t having any fun at all. I kept comparing it to getting a shot at the doctor’s office. You had to do it and you knew it was gonna sting but it wasn’t gonna kill you ...so you grin and take it.

The second part of ‘making love’ actually didn’t feel as bad, although it was still uncomfortable and still hurt but had its good moments too. Erik was jerking me but I took over as he seemed to be approaching his climax. I actually got into it and did come a few seconds before he did so I guess it wasn’t completely one-sided.

I wasn't sure yet, but I guessed I could do this again. Maybe as I got used to it, it would get easier. But I gotta say, I didn’t sexually enjoy it yet. Maybe it was something else I have to practice a lot.

"It'll get easier; this was your first time, Twoey."

"Mmmmmm..."

He popped out. We rolled and faced each other and gently kissed. He said we'd better take a shower.

Which we did.

Together.

I dressed and he drove me home. I was trembling all over and made him drop me off at the end of the street. I couldn't go in right then. She'd know. I walked down to the lake and sat on a bench forcing myself to calm down. I was still a little shaky. No ...I was quivering big time! Something happened to me in Erik’s room.

Something happened to me in Erik’s room.

I knew it was a major step I took today. The most major of steps. Another milestone. Once again, I got the uncomfortable feeling Erik made me do something before I was ready, before I should have. We never discussed this before we went to his house. It wasn’t a mutual decision, where he could have explained things to me a little better. I sorta began feeling resentment. Did I feel used? In a way, I did. Somehow the balance scale wasn’t exactly level. I knew it didn’t mean anything to Erik. It was only more sex.

But then those thoughts made me realize something. I had to be honest with myself. Didn’t I walk into all this expecting ‘only more sex’ too? Thinking more about that and Erik, it finally sank in. He never forced me to do anything, and he asked me. I couldn’t really blame Erik, could I? I was as much to blame, maybe more so. I guess I sorta thought my practicing-gay-boy curve was going to have a shallower slope. But it was my problem, not Erik’s.

Consequently, here I was.

This was today.

I had to go forward from here.

I can’t go back to this morning.

I can’t go back to Syracuse.

I can’t take back telling my father.

I can’t take back telling Mike.

I can’t believe how fast my life had changed.

I Can't Believe I Lost My Cherry!!