The Cockney Canuck - 86. Chapter 86 All My Loving

I had delayed it for as long as possible, but Sue wasn’t buying any of my excuses for staying an extra day or two at Nathan’s house and I was told to come home on Tuesday evening. Her sister and husband were visiting from Manitoba with their three children and apparently, they were eager to meet me.

I didn’t share their enthusiasm and Karen could sense my trepidation as she dropped me at the front of the house, behind the distinctive black Buick that belonged to Sue’s parents.

‘Great, just in time for a family reunion’.

“You don’t want to go home, do you?” said Karen.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Well, you're not getting out of the car, sweetie.”

“Sorry, thanks for the ride. Time to face the music, I guess.”

As I tried to step out of the car, she grabbed my arm to pull me back, so that she could kiss me on the cheek. It was the family policy that I was still getting used to.

“I’m always happy to give you a ride lover boy.” She winked at me and I swallowed hard. “Do I scare you sometimes Robbie?”

“No, you scare me all of the time,” I said and I smiled as I got out of the car and grabbed my overnight bag from the back seat.

Karen laughed. “Just be careful out there, sweetie.” It was a reference to my coming out at the weekend. Nathan’s family were pleased when we told them, but advised us not to get too carried away. His mom’s words to me were simple. ‘You don’t have to hide anymore, but there’s no need to flaunt it either’.

The house was chaotic. When I walked in the door, I narrowly avoided a collision with two screaming kids who ran past me into the living room. I didn’t recognise them but there was a familiar face chasing them and Amy paused briefly to wave at me, before continuing her pursuit.

Hot on her heels was a tired looking Nicola, who seemed to have the thankless task of trying to control them. She looked as if she was about to throw in the towel as she sat down on the seat by the front door and put her hand up to her forehead.

“Having fun?”

“Oh yeah, this is so much fun,” she said.

I smiled. “It looks it.”

“How was your weekend?”

“Quiet.”

“Yeah, right. Did you have a good time at the beach on Sunday?”

I smiled at her, it was expected. Naomi living up to her reputation, at least I could be thankful that Nicola already knew.

“Yeah, until we bumped into your friend that is.”

“She couldn’t wait to tell me that she had seen you, but you do realise that you can’t hide anymore…if she knows then so will most of the northern hemisphere.” She looked concerned, but I smiled.

“Yeah I know, I did it on purpose. I don’t need to hide anymore.” It felt good saying that, knowing that it was over and I no longer had any choice in the matter. It was out of my hands and as far as I was concerned, no longer a problem.

Nicola didn’t share my confidence, but she stood up to give me a hug and pledge her support.

“I think that you're very brave,” she said and Nathan’s parents had said the same thing, but I considered it more of a necessity than an act of bravery.

“It would have been worse at school,” I said. “Sooner or later I would have been outed for sure. At least this way it’s my decision, not someone else’s. I don’t care what anyone says now.”

“You're right,” she said and kissed on the cheek as the kids ran past to complete another lap. I laughed. “What’s so funny?”

“I think that’s the first time that you’ve ever agreed with me.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“It is, believe me.”

“It isn’t!”

We were interrupted by Sue coming from the kitchen. She had managed to hear my voice over those of the screaming kids.

“Hi honey,” she said, “what are you two bickering about?”

“It’s Nicola,” I said. “She was agreeing with me,” but Sue failed to see any humour in my remark and pointed to her watch.

“You were supposed to be home an hour ago. I want you to meet your aunt and uncle.”

The last thing that I needed was another aunt and uncle in my life, but as usual, I had no choice in the matter.

“Can I get changed first?”

“No, you’ll just hide in your room, put your headphones on, and ignore everyone until they’ve left. I know what you're like.” That was exactly what I was planning to do, but I didn’t have any headphones. I looked at her suspiciously. Nathan wasn’t the only one who was getting to know me.

I dropped my bag to the floor, toed off my sneakers and followed her dutifully into the kitchen, with Nicola behind, prodding me in the back.

“Be nice to them Robbie,” she teased.

"Shut up," I said as I entered the lion's den and was duly passed around and introduced to more family members who I had never met. They were friendly, of course, but the questions were the same ones that I had been answering since I arrived from England. The only difference was that now they had been updated to include my recent stay in the hospital. My boredom must have been obvious as I reeled off the same answers without even thinking about them.

‘If another person asks me how I’m feeling, how’s my head or do I remember anything from when I was in a coma, I’m gonna go crazy’?

Sue’s annoying parents were next in line to ask the same questions. I had met them a couple of times before and knew what to expect. Her mom was hard of hearing and had dementia. It was difficult to hold a conversation with her, but her dad was even worse and didn’t have an excuse. He was just plain annoying and always seemed to single me out as a target for his endless and repetitive stories. I thought that I did quite well to camouflage my boredom, with a few well-placed nods and smiles, but I was feeling tired and he could send even the most hard-core insomniac to sleep.

Sue’s sister must have noticed my discomfort and she came to my rescue with a timely intervention. “Have you been anywhere interesting today Robbie?” she asked.

“I’ve been….”

“He’s been staying at his friend’s house for a few days,” said Sue. I glared at her; confused and then annoyed that she had felt the need to answer for me. It was rude but I wasn’t the only one who seemed surprised by her manner, and I noticed Nicola mouthing something to her mother as I attempted to retrieve the conversation.

“Yeah, I was staying over at a friend’s house,” I repeated slowly with half an eye on Sue, but this time she allowed me to finish.

‘Did she really think that I was gonna say to everyone that I was staying with my boyfriend’?

Nicola’s expression from across the room told me that she did.

‘Would it really have been that bad anyway? It’s the truth after all. Why is she ashamed’?

Sue’s reaction and the obvious way that she was trying to mould me into someone who I wasn’t, just to please her family, made me feel sick again. After a weekend of feeling good about myself, it brought me back down to earth with a bump, and I slipped away and headed for the stairs.

‘Welcome home, Robbie’.

It left me feeling empty and worthless and I regretted wasting a perfect opportunity to reveal myself to the family. It was what Don feared the most and Sue was firmly in his camp. They didn’t want a gay son, even if I wasn’t actually one of their children. I was an embarrassment.

I had been in the house for less than ten minutes and I was already tempted to call Nathan’s parents and plead for them to take me in, but before I could escape to the sanctuary of the basement, Sue pulled me aside once more.

“You can at least look pleased to see them,” she said.

“I don’t even know them.”

“They’re your family now Robbie and they’ve travelled a long way to meet you.”

I knew that Manitoba was quite a trek, but I doubted if they had come specifically to see me.

“Why did you have to answer for me?” She looked uneasy at my question, so I repeated it much louder which got the attention of everyone in the kitchen. The conversation stopped as they turned their heads towards us.

“We’ll discuss this later,” she said but I could feel my temper bubbling, like a pot about to boil over, and Sue’s had just turned up the heat.

“Why don’t you tell them?” I said defiantly. “Go on, tell them about me, I don’t care.”

“Go downstairs Robbie, I don’t want you around me when you're like this.”

I looked towards her family and then back to her with a face like thunder. The house was silent, even the kids had stopped screaming and I could hear the television from the basement. It was a classic standoff as everyone waited for my reaction.

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go.”

Sue looked relieved when I backed down but surrendering to their prejudiced doctrine hurt me more than any punishment I could have received. As I walked away the conversations started again behind me, but before I reached the stairs, she called me back.

‘What?” I frowned.

“Did you have a nice time dear?”

“Yes.” My answer was curt but I wouldn’t look at her.

“Good.” She patted me on the head like a family pet and sent me on my way.

‘She’s fucking weird’.

When I opened the bedroom door, I received a less than friendly welcome from Daniel.

“I told you to stay out!” he said as I shut the door behind me, and he very nearly received the brunt of my anger, before we both realised his mistake.

“Oh, sorry, I thought it was those brats again, they’ve been trying to get in here all day.”

I managed to laugh with him as I slumped on my bed. After three nights on Nathan's couch, I had reached the promised land.

I was feeling drained even before negotiating Sue’s mental assault course in the kitchen. The weekend at Nathan’s house had taken its toll on me both physically and emotionally and I needed to rest. It wasn’t the sex—which had been removed from the menu when his parents returned—but the problem was still Nathan related. He had taken over my brain and I found it difficult to sleep properly.

Nathan didn’t know it, but my he had kept me awake every night until the early hours. I blamed it on the couch when I talked to Daniel, but he was surprised to hear that I had been sleeping in the basement.

“I always used to sleep in his room,” he said.

‘Like they’re gonna let me do that’.

“But, I guess they don’t trust you guys in the same room, huh.”

‘You think’?

“He has an armchair in his bedroom, that folds out into neat bed; it’s really cool. That’s where I used to sleep when I stayed over.” I knew it well; we had used it as a platform for one of our more adventurous games on Sunday morning, but I wasn’t aware of its secondary function. “It’s very comfortable…so you had to sleep in the basement, huh…that’s funny?”

I didn’t think so, but Nathan had quite literally bent over backwards to please me when his parents weren’t there and I would have slept naked on a bed of nails for that opportunity.

“You could have stayed over too,” I said. It was a delicate topic of conversation. Fearful of hurting Daniel’s feelings, Nathan had asked him to join us on Sunday, but his offer was politely and wisely turned down by my brother-in-waiting.

“You're not getting me involved in your gay videos,” he said. He was only joking but he had previously made it clear that he wouldn’t feel comfortable witnessing any intimacy between Nathan and I. As far as I was concerned, this decision meant that the three of us could no longer be in the same room together, because there was no way that I would be able to exercise that amount of self-control anymore.

“Just so you know,” I said. “It’s no longer a secret…Nathan and me. Everyone knows.”

“Everyone?”

“Well, Naomi knows.”

“That’s everyone,” he said. “What happened did you get caught doing something?”

“NO! What made you think that?”

“No reason, I know what Nathan’s like, that’s all.”

‘What’s that supposed to mean’?

“So everyone at school’s gonna know,” said Daniel and he sounded a little despondent.

“It won't affect you.”

“It will,” he said. “I know it will.”

“How?”

“Because they’ll make fun of me…they know that we share a room and stuff and after Nathan, it’s just like…well, whatever, it doesn’t really matter. I guess you're gonna have it worse.”

I understood what he was saying but there was little that I could do about it, and I was sure that he was exaggerating. Daniel though seemed to think that I was in for a tough time of it.

“Just don’t go doing anything stupid, like kissing or holding hands where anyone can see you, or you’ll be asking for trouble.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, mate.”

Coming out, was a good experience, but a bit of an anti-climax. I wasn’t expecting balloons and bagpipes, but I did expect to receive more of a reaction than I did. The warnings from Daniel and Nicola seemed a little embellished and while I didn’t dismiss them altogether, I was certain that I wasn’t going to be targeted for being gay in Cobourg. Not again anyway. Lightning couldn’t strike twice and Jake, according to Nicola hadn’t been seen since the police picked up Alex’s brother Brad.

I still wasn’t convinced that it was Jake who had pushed me down the stairs, but whoever it was, probably hadn’t expected to inflict a life-threatening injury. There would have been easier ways to do it, than on the school staircase in front of two dozen students. I thought it unlikely that he would try again; he was probably just thankful that he got away with it, and that I survived.

* * * * *

My world had become completely Nathan orientated, and he was now an essential part of my existence, to the point where I could no longer function without him. I was expecting this feeling to subside, but over the next few days, it only got worse.

It had occurred to me that I may be ill, or have some kind of deficiency, which was affecting my ability to concentrate on anything other than the boy who now dominated every second of my life. I had no idea how I had managed to get into this crazy state of mind, but I wanted some kind of explanation.

I found the answer to all of my questions written on Nathan’s face, it was in his smile and in his embrace. I could see it in his eyes and in his touch. I could smell it on him and taste it on his lips. It was in every part of him that I wanted, and I wanted every part of him.

It seemed unrealistic to blame this feeling on something as unscientific as love, but as ridiculous as it sounded, I was forced to finally admit the truth. I had fallen absolutely and completely, head over heels in love with Nathan, and I was certain that he was in love with me.

I decided to break the good news to him when we met on Thursday, at the mall to take advantage of the town’s unexpected tolerance towards gays. It was busier than usual; a forecast of rain had forced the teenage population away from the beach and as I had already discovered, North American kids loved shopping malls.

I didn’t share their fascination, but there were stores there that sold bling by the truckload and wherever there was bling, Nathan was never far behind.

I had already acknowledged several students from Stephenson before I reached the food court, where Nathan was waiting at the same table that we used on our one and only date. It was a nice touch and I knew that he had sat there on purpose. He probably would have fought somebody for those seats!

“I feel like I’ve been here before,” I said sitting down and smiling.

“Yeah, I remember you falling over back there.” He pushed an orange drink that he had bought for me across the table.

“Oh God, that was so embarrassing. I thought for sure that you would think I was some kind of a jerk.”

“I did,” he said, “and you are, but I love you. And you looked kinda sexy, wrapped around that chair.”

I was blushing. “Thanks. You always look sexy.” I looked up as a middle-aged man walked by pushing a stroller. He gave me a funny look.

‘Did I say that too loud’?

Nathan laughed. “You’re gonna have to get used to the occasional dirty look, gay boy.” He was right but other than Naomi, I hadn’t seen anything so far in Cobourg that was remotely scary or intimidating.

“So what do you wanna do today?” I asked.

“I know what I wanna do, but there’s nowhere to do it, so I guess we’re gonna have to do without any naughties.”

I already knew that it was going to be a no touching day. Both of our houses were out of bounds. Even with Sue back to work, Nicola was home with Amy and Daniel would be in and out all day, so it would have been impossible to get any alone time there, and Nathan’s mom was at home all day.

“I prepared myself for it this morning,” I said, “with a hot bath.”

“Really? You should have sent me a video.”

“Maybe next time, horn dog.”

“Maybe next time, I’ll be there with you,” he said in a way that sent a tingle up and down my spine. Three minutes in and the hot bath had already been cancelled out.

He smiled and then held eye contact as he slowly and erotically, sucked on his milkshake, gliding his lips down the straw as far as he could go until it had all but disappeared from view. It was an impressive display of virtual pornography that had me gripping the edge of my seat and wondering how he managed to get it all in without gagging.

“Bloody hell Nathan, stop it,” I said as he rolled his tongue over the top of the straw and smeared vanilla shake across his face.

“Hmmm, it tastes nice,” he said as he sucked another mouthful from the straw and deliberately dribbled some of it down his chin. It was a performance that deserved an Oscar and left me squeezing my legs together and scanning the food court for voyeurs. When I turned back, he was using his finger to scoop it off his chin, before licking it clean. “What’s wrong Robbie?”

“I don’t believe you just did that in the middle of the mall.”

“Did what? I’m only having a milkshake; do you want some?” He moved it towards me. “Go on, have a suck. I don’t mind.”

“I know you don’t, you dirty little git, but you're gonna get us arrested if you carry on.” I smiled before helping myself to a mouthful of his delectable shake, but I abstained from joining his public sex games.

I handed Nathan back the shake and then followed his eyes to a familiar face behind me.

“Hiya sexy, good to see you out and about, you look well.” It was Fran and she was with David who agreed with his girlfriend and gave me a friendly tap on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Fran, but I don't think that you should be calling me sexy anymore, even if it is true."

She smirked. “How are you?”

“Feeling a lot better now, thanks.”

I was pleased to see her and she looked genuinely happy, which made me feel good and removed some of the guilt that had remained from our ill-fated relationship. She also helped to deflate the Nathan inspired bulge in my pants; a not so subtle reminder of the reason why our courtship had failed.

“I’m so pleased,” she said before glancing over at my boyfriend. “Hey, Nathan, how are you?” It was an awkward moment but something that I knew I would have to face eventually.

"So what are you up to?" I said.

“We’re going to watch a movie,” said David. He sounded excited and I was pretty sure that I knew the reason why.

‘Nice one Fran; it’s only the first showing’.

“We’re going shopping,” I said and smiled at David.

“Well this is the place to do it,” said Fran. “Is it just the two of you, or is Daniel here as well?”

“Just us two Fran,” I said and she smiled and nodded as David looked on, confused and looking anxious to leave. His mind was ready for the cinema but his girlfriend wanted to stay and chat.

Before they headed off, I stood up to give Fran a hug.

“I’m glad you're better Robbie,” she whispered. “But Nathan…really?” Then she kissed me on the cheek.

“It’s not a secret anymore,” I said as she stepped back. “We’re together…it’s only right that you should hear it from me, rather than gossip.” David looked as if he had seen a ghost as he processed the information, and I smiled at him.

“Thank you,” she said. “I probably wouldn’t have believed the gossip anyway, but congratulations. And you do make a cute couple. Maybe we can go out sometime, like the four of us, someplace?” Her offer seemed genuine enough, but we both knew that it would never happen.

“I wouldn’t want to go to a movie this early,” said Nathan after they had gone, and I laughed.

“She’s gonna suck his dick.”

“What…you're kidding?”

“Seriously. She’s pretty good at it too,” I said. “Why do think David was smiling?” Nathan frowned.

‘Shit, why did I just say that’?

“I meant for a girl…she’s pretty good for a girl, but not as good as.” I had another quick look around. “Not as good as you,” I whispered.

“Thank you, I try to please. So how does she do that in the cinema without anyone noticing.”

I laughed. “There are seats at the back, in the corner where nobody sits, but it helps to pick a movie that not many people wanna see, and a time of day when nobody else wants to go. That’s probably why they’re going now.”

“So how many times did you go?” he said.

‘I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now’.

"Only the once Nathan and that was difficult.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I found it hard to concentrate, and the movie nearly finished before I did.”

“Oh,” he said, “you don’t usually have that problem.”

“No, that’s girls for you.” Unlike me, I was certain that David wouldn’t have any difficulties in that department and that Fran would be able to see most of the movie. “You're not mad at me are you?” I said.

“No, of course not. I’m not gonna be mad at you for something that you did before we started dating.”

“You're not?”

“No, that would be silly. Come on let’s go.” He stood up and started walking away.

“Are you sure…it wouldn’t bother you at all?” He looked a little puzzled as I caught up with him, but this was good news for me.

‘If I told him about Alex, I think he will be okay’.

I had originally planned to tell him on Saturday, but that was before I found out that his parents were away and had to cram all that sex into the quickest ten hours of my life.

With no salacious activity on the horizon, I had nothing to lose by telling him, but there was something that I needed to tell him first that was more important and couldn’t wait. The mall though just wasn’t the right place to proclaim my undying love for him, so I led him towards the nearest exit.

“There’s no need for you to feel guilty about what you did with Fran. You’ve already told me all about her anyway. It’s not like you were hiding anything. Where are we going?”

“I thought you might wanna go for a walk…to the park or something.”

“But we’ve only just got here.”

“We can come back later,” I said. “I just need to get outta here, it’s getting too busy for me. Too many familiar faces.”

“I get it,” he said. “it’s still a little weird for you, isn’t it? You're not used to being with me in public. I can understand you being nervous, I don’t mind. We can come back another time.”

The storm clouds were gathering overhead and an already grey day had turned even darker when we left the mall and took the bus downtown. It seemed like a good idea at the time to go in the opposite direction to everyone else, but there was a reason why they were leaving the beach and we hadn’t brought coats.

“I don’t think it’s gonna rain just yet,” said Nathan as he cast a critical eye up at the clouds, but I was dubious of his meteorological skills and I could feel it in the air as we reached the waterfront. It was almost deserted and we held hands and sat on one of the wooden benches that looked out across the harbour.

"I prefer it when we're on our own," I said, "It's better than the mall, don't you think?"

He leaned into me and rested his head on my shoulder. “I don’t mind; I just wanna be where you are. I miss you whenever you’re not with me.”

“Me too,” I said excitedly, “that’s how I feel all the time. It’s crazy.”

He giggled. “I thought it was just me.”

“I can’t sleep at night, thinking about you, do you think that’s weird?”

“No, I can’t sleep either.”

“Cool,” I said, “you know I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with you Nathan.” I looked across the harbour but I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye.

“Are you certain?”

“I don’t know what else it could be.”

“Do you think about me all the time?”

“Every minute of every day.”

“Hmmm, do you dream about me?”

“Night and day.”

“Do you wanna touch me and be near me all the time.”

I nodded and smiled. “Every part of you.”

He looked as if he was going to faint and when I noticed his eyes welling up, I wondered if I had perhaps overstepped the mark.

‘Maybe he wasn’t ready for this’.

"Are you crying, Nathan?"

“No.” He looked away, but I could see him wiping his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

He spun around and slapped my arm. “I’m crying because I’m happy, stupid,” and then he started laughing.

“I’ve never seen anyone laughing and crying at the same time,” I said.

He kissed me hard on the lips and mumbled incoherently into my mouth. It's not possible to speak with your tongue lodged in another person's gob, but Nathan often came close to disproving this theory, and I got the message long before I finished wiping his saliva from my chin.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I know that we shouldn’t do that kind of thing in public, but there’s no one about and I love you too.”

“That’s okay, I like it, remember. And I’m well known for that kinda thing around these parts.”

He squeezed my hand. “Gay suits you.”

“It does?”

“Definitely. And do you know what else?”

“It’s raining!”

“We should take cover,” he said and we ran to edge of the beach to join a young couple who were standing under the wooden entrance that separated the park from the beach. It was a sudden downpour and we were already quite wet by the time we arrived.

“So much for your weather predictions,” I said flicking water at him from my hair.

“It’s not my fault.”

The couple next to us were laughing at us but when I noticed them holding hands I reached over and grabbed Nathan’s.

We stood there for about twenty minutes while we waited for the rain to stop and even struck up a conversation with the couple. They were really nice and looked totally comfortable, even when we kissed a couple of times.

“If you wanna come back to my house, you can borrow some of my clothes,” I said. Nathan thought it was a good idea and he wanted to see Daniel too, so we cut through the park to catch the bus.

“Maybe we can go see a movie afterwards,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but as we reached the war memorial in the centre of the park, he suddenly veered off to one side pulling me with him.

“What are you doing?”

“It’ll be better if we go this way,” he said taking the path back to the beach.

“Why?”

“No reason, just do as I say.”

"HEY, DICKHEAD!" Someone shouted at us.

“Keep walking,” said Nathan. “This guy’s trouble.”

“HEY ROBBIE!”

“Alex?”

“Hey Robbie, wait up man!”

“You know him?” asked Nathan, but there was not enough time to answer before he caught up with us.

“Hi, Alex.”

“Are you trying to ignore me, shithead?”

“Sorry Alex, I didn’t see you. I didn’t know you were going to be here today.”

“You know what, I was going to email you my itinerary but my secretary must have forgotten.” He smiled and gently tapped my arm with his fist before turning to a shell-shocked Nathan. “Hiya buddy,” he said but Nathan remained tight-lipped.

“This is my friend Nathan,” I said. “And this is Alex…who is in my homeroom at school.”

“I know,” replied Nathan and he didn’t look happy.

“I know this guy,” said Alex. “So what are you up to?”

“Nothing,” I said shaking my head.

“Same here,” said Alex. “I’m doing nothing with some friends over there.” He pointed to a group of four older boys and two girls standing around a parked car, next to the park. They were smoking, laughing and pushing each other around. “Do you wanna join us?”

“NO!” said Nathan. “We have to go someplace.” Alex held his hands up in mock surrender.

“Hey, only asking. Maybe some other time.” He patted me on the shoulder. “I’ll call you later Robbie after you’ve finished doing nothing in someplace with Nathan?”

“Yeah, take care Alex,” I said as he sidled back to his friends.

“Whatever. See you later Nathan. In school probably, huh?”

“That was Alex,” I said.

“No kidding. I didn’t know you were friends with Alex Baker.”

“Oh yeah, Well we’re not really friends, just classmates.” I smiled and grabbed his hand again. “See, you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” I said and laughed. He smiled back, but he would have noticed my discomfort.

“Obviously not,” he said. “You’ve never mentioned him.”

Bumping into Fran was uncomfortable but expected. Meeting Alex though could have been catastrophic and I considered myself lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed. However, I decided to put my confession on hold. I didn’t want Nathan to think that I was only telling him out of fear of being exposed, even though that was exactly what I was doing.

I turned to him as we left the park. “Do you still love me?”

“Of course silly. You're allowed to have friends, even if it does happen to be one of the guys who bullied me when I came out.”

I stopped dead. “He bullied you?”

“Don’t look so surprised Robbie. Alex Baker is not a nice guy, believe me. You should be careful who you make friends with.”

I walked in silence for a while as I tried to get my head around this latest development.

“So you two know each other.”

“You could put it that way, I suppose, but we’re hardly friends.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Forget it,” he said. “I don’t wanna talk about it okay? I didn’t know he was your friend.”

‘How am I going to tell him that I’ve fooled around with the guy who was bullying him’?

“I’m sorry that Alex bullied you.”

“Not as much as me,” he said. “But it’s not your fault.”

We walked to the bus stop in silence but as Nathan eased back into his loving personality, I started to get uptight and angry as I imagined Alex picking on the boy that I loved more than anything else in the world. The more that I thought about it, the angrier I became and the more I wanted to confront Alex.