The Cockney Canuck - 101. Chapter 101 Back to School

“Alex, I can’t share a bed with you anymore. It’s not fair to me. I like you. You know that, right? What I mean is, I’m attracted to you and it’s too much of a temptation for me. I know you wanna fool around. I think that’s pretty obvious now, but I can’t. I don’t wanna hurt Nathan. He’s my boyfriend… I love him.”

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Robbie, are you okay in there?” It was Nicola and I opened it quickly making her jump. “Who were you talking to?”

“Myself, if that’s okay with you.” She shook her head as I studied my face in the mirror.

‘Now all I have to do is say those words to Alex without hurting his feelings. Should be easy… Not’.

“Talking to it isn’t gonna make a difference,” she said. “You’ll need plastic surgery for that.”

I looked at her curiously. “What are you talking about?”

“Your face!” She laughed. “Oh, and mom told me to tell you, if you want breakfast you need to be upstairs, like, ten minutes ago!”

“Yeah, thanks.” Fortunately, I had already decided to skip my usual bowl of cereal to concentrate on my appearance. I had been up for hours trying to make myself look the best I could for my first day back to school.

I decided to stick to cool colours, settling for a pair of dark jeans with a sky blue Ralph Loren t-shirt specially bought for the occasion. I thought I looked quite smart until Nicola pointed to a splodge of toothpaste on the front of my new shirt just over my navel.

“SHIT! How did that get there?”

I tried wiping it off with a flannel but all I did was smear it.

“Give it to me.” Nicola grabbed the flannel, wet it under the tap, and then attacked my shirt with it.

“What are you doing? You're just making it worse.”

“Keep still!”

“No, get off me!” I pushed her away and surveyed the damage. There was a milky wet patch dead centre that wasn’t going to come off without being washed.

Nicola laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God. You are not going to school like that. It looks like a giant cum stain.”

“Don’t be so disgusting.” I pulled a face at her and then tried wiping it with a dry towel but it was pointless. Earlier, I had followed Sue around the house pleading with her to iron it for me but now it was back to the drawing board. “I need to change.”

‘Yes, you do.” Nicola pushed me in the direction of the bedroom. “Now hurry or we’ll be late?”

I dragged the soiled top over my head and marched to the bedroom where Tom was standing in just a pair of boxers.

“What happened to you?”

“Nicola ruined my shirt and now I’ve got nothing to wear,” I threw it on the bed and began searching my depleted clothes drawer for a suitable replacement. I was wasting my time, I didn’t have a plan B. Alex had been supplementing his limited wardrobe with some of my clothes, leaving me with a poor selection on an important day.

“Ew, it looks like spunk!” said Tom as he examined my Ralph Loren. “I don’t think Nicola did this.”

“It’s toothpaste,” I said hurling my last t-shirt in the air. “Now I’m fucked.”

“What’s wrong with that one?”

“It’s white! I’m not walking into school wearing white. It’ll look like I’m surrendering.”

“Your spunk stains won’t show.”

“It’s not spunk, it’s toothpaste.”

“Ha, what did I tell you?” said Nicola. Then she laughed as Tom jumped back into bed to cover himself with the sheet. It was quite comical. There wasn’t much point being shy around my sister. Nicola had seen more skin than a deckchair attendant at a nudist beach. Like Daniel, I was used to her seeing me in my underwear now and rarely bothered covering more than the essentials.

“You can borrow one of mine, I suppose,” said Tom pointing to a pile of freshly laundered clothes sitting on Daniel’s chair.

“If you don’t mind.”

“Wait,” said Nicola. “I’ll choose. You’ll probably pick something totally lame and dorky.” I was happy to hand over responsibility to her. It was a relief; I would never have been able to make a decision that late in the day.

“Here, put this on, dick.”

“I’d rather put it on my back, Nicola. But orange? Don’t you think it looks a bit gay?”

Nicola was becoming impatient. “You're dating Nathan and you're worried that a t-shirt might make you look gay?” She pushed it into my chest. “Put it on. QUICKLY!”

I pulled it over my head and she combed my hair with her fingers before looking me up and down and passing me fit to grace her company. She didn’t have much choice. The bus was at the top of the hill and Sue was shouting at us to get a move on.

“It fits you quite well,” said Tom and he was right. It got me thinking.

“What else have you got that might fit me?”

She frowned. “Keep out of my wardrobe, Robbie. I mean it.” I held my hands up pleading innocence as she growled her warning. “You could never pull it off anyway. Come on, let’s go.”

“Good luck,” said Tom.

“He doesn’t need luck, he’s got me,” said Nicola as she bundled me out the door. “And Tom, lose the boxers. Briefs look nicer except on Robbie but that’s because he has no penis.”

“Very funny.”

She pushed me in the back to get a move on as we passed a still sprawled out Alex. Luke had taken my place in bed next to him and they were both asleep.

“Looks like someone else will have to get lover boy dressed this morning.”

“That’s not funny either and stop pushing me!”

“Well, hurry up then or we’ll miss the bus.”

“I’m walking as fast as I can. You don’t want me to run up the stairs, do you? Not after what happened to me.”

“You are such a baby.”

“Remember what I told you,” said Sue as she held the front door open for us and kissed me on the cheek.

“I won't,” I said.

“Why aren’t you wearing the t-shirt you made me iron?”

“He got excited and made a mess on it, Mom.” Nicola thought it was quite funny but I would have to do better in the future. I had been up for over two hours and still had to run to make the bus. It was a stressful start to a topsy-turvy day.

*     *     *

After all the hype and worry; walking back into school was an anti-climax. Contrary to my dream earlier, there was no angry mob waiting to beat me to within an inch of my life for being gay. Neither was there a line of bare-chested, well-oiled, teenage boys from the football team, throwing petals at my feet and escorting me to my first lesson.

Rory, was a nice if somewhat scrawny substitute though and I spotted his golden mop the moment Nicola pushed me off the bus. He was waiting just outside the main entrance, determined to be the first one to welcome me back. I thought it was a cool thing to do. Sometimes it was difficult not to love this boy.

This was usually the point where Nicola, Daniel, and I would part company and head off in different directions.

“Hope it goes well, Robbie.” Daniel gave me a quick hug before walking off to meet his friends and I was hoping for the same from Nicola but my sister had other ideas. She had been suffocating me from the moment we boarded the bus, forcing me to sit with the cool kids at the back. It wasn’t my natural position and now, to my horror, she insisted on walking me to my homeroom with Naomi riding shotgun. While I appreciated Nicola’s concern, I got the feeling this wasn’t done entirely out of brotherly love. A gay sibling, even an adopted one, would make a cool accessory and an improvement on the embarrassing dork from the previous year.

We stopped several times to say hello to people she knew but it was just a fad. I would be afforded special treatment but only until the novelty wore off. Then I would be on my own.

No one expected me to arrive at my homeroom in a girl sandwich but any doubts about my popularity were quickly dispersed when I was reunited with my classmates. For most, it was the first time they had seen me since my accident and I was bombarded with the usual questions. Did I die? Do I know who did it? Was it true Miss Pringle gave me the kiss of life?

I couldn’t see which sick bastard asked the last question, but the thought turned my stomach and reminded me that I needed to see her about my change of name.

There wasn’t enough time to talk to everyone but I got a few pats on the back, a couple of man hugs and even some girly kisses on the cheek. It made me laugh. I hardly talked to half of these kids before, yet now they were hanging on my every word, like disciples. It was all very relaxed and chummy and I responded by hugging Rory who eventually managed to squirm his way out of my clutches.

“You only saw me like two days ago,” he said but that had nothing to do with it.

“You can go now,” I said to Nicola. “I can find my way from here to here and I’m pretty sure I won't get beaten up.”

“I wouldn’t bank on it,” she said threateningly.

“Except by you, of course.” I left her in the corridor talking to Fran but her continued presence was annoying.

“Don’t forget you're a Taylor now,” she called after me but I already had it covered and waved her away as I walked into the classroom.

Mrs Reigor was sporting a rare smile. “Does your mother want to talk to me, Robbie?”

“My mother?” I turned to her and smirked. “Oh, my mother. Yeah, I think so.” Rory and David looked confused. “Wait here, this is gonna be funny.”

“I’m not his mom!” said Nicola. “I’m his sister!” Her voice was louder than everyone else’s combined and I laughed along with most of my classmates as she stormed off in a huff.

My myopic, scatter-brained teacher scowled at me when she returned. “I thought you said she was your mother.”

“She is, Mrs Reigor. But she doesn’t like admitting it.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

“She was very young when I was born. I think she’s in the Guinness Book of Records somewhere.”

“Yes, Robbie. No doubt.”

“She’s had a lot of surgery too.”

“Thank you, Robbie. Welcome back. I missed your stupid remarks when you weren’t here. Apparently, you have a new name as well.”

“Yes.”

“Well, do you mind sharing it with us.” It got her some laughs but there was a touch of déjà vu as I joined her at the front of the class to spell out my new name. “Is there anything else that we should know about, while you’re here.”

If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn she said that to embarrass me but it was most likely just a poor choice of words. When I looked up, I had the attention of the entire class. Like they were expecting me to make a speech.

I was certain most of them knew anyway but I felt the sudden urge to make the most of this opportunity and get it out in the open.

‘Maybe it’ll stop them from asking me later and having to repeat the same answers two dozen times’.

Mrs Reigor looked concerned. “You can go back and sit down now,” she said but I stayed put, searching the faces of those I knew well. Rory was worried, Fran curious, David looked expectant. “Is there something wrong, Robbie?”

“I’m fine. But there is something I wanna say—to everyone.”

“Go on then, what is it? We haven’t got all day.”

When I glanced at Rory, he had his eyes shut but it was too late.

“I’m gay!” My words were followed by a brief silence and a terrible regret. I panicked, trying to justify my announcement. “I just wanted to make sure everyone knew because no one has said anything to me yet, and maybe now they won’t need to. Anyway, that’s it really.”

As I walked back to my desk, Fran started clapping me. She was quickly joined by David and Rory and then by a few of the others. By the time I sat down, I’m certain the whole class was clapping including Mrs Reigor who looked bewildered before quietening everyone down. At first, she seemed unsure of what to say and a little flustered but not for long.

“Thank you for that information, Robbie. Your sexual preference shouldn’t make any difference in class. However, I’m sure everyone appreciates your openness and courage.”

Several of the students agreed, offering words of encouragement but by then, I was begging for the national anthem.

Although it wasn’t planned, I thought it was a good thing to do, even if just for my benefit. I wanted things to be open now although I wouldn’t have wanted to do it in front of the whole school. It turned out, most of the kids in my homeroom already knew anyway but it wasn’t about that.

At the end of my first lesson, Mrs Reigor asked me to stay back for a minute.

“Robbie, I hope you didn’t think I was pressuring you into revealing something that was personal. When I asked if you had anything to share with us, I wasn’t talking about your private life. I wasn’t even aware of it.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t say it because of what you said. I just felt like I should say something because no one else has.”

“Maybe they don’t need to mention it. It’s a big thing for you, Robbie but it may not be for everyone else. Anyway, you’re here to learn. I don’t care what your sexual preferences are, so let’s try and keep those things out of school shall we?”

“Yes, I understand. Can I go now?”

“One more thing. A bit of advice for you. You don’t need to justify who you are to anyone. We’ve moved on since those days. Think of it as a gift rather than a burden and be proud of who you are. History is full of great people who were gay.”

“Thank you, Mrs Reigor. I’ll remember what you said”

I left her classroom in a cold sweat, surprised by my teacher’s remarks, particularly the last bit. Up until then, she never gave the impression of being particularly in tune with anything I said. Her words that day, though, would stay with me forever.

The message was clear. Think positively and don’t allow it to interfere with schoolwork but it was easier said than done. After my little speech, I got a lot of attention from my classmates. Unsurprisingly, most of them were female and I sat between two of them in my next lesson.

I was beginning to understand that being gay opened doors to areas that were previously out of bounds when I was considered straight. I was invited to hang out with them at lunchtime, which I politely refused and they wanted me to go to the mall with them after school.

‘To check out the hot-looking boys, no doubt’.

“You can bring your boyfriend,” said one.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” asked the other girl.

“Duh, of course, he does, dummy. It’s Rory, isn’t it? They’re always together. I should’ve known you were gay.” It was school gossip at its worst and wildly inaccurate.

“Rory’s not gay,” I insisted, but they didn’t believe me.

*     *     *

Obviously, not everyone was overjoyed with the prospect of another gay boy among their ranks. There were a few disparaging looks, particularly in the corridors between classes but generally, the haters seemed to be keeping a low profile. I didn’t receive a single slur or anti-gay comment until lunchtime.

Nathan was already sitting with Ginny at their usual table when I entered the cafeteria and joined the end of the line-up behind two guys from Nicola’s year. One of them did a quick double take when he saw me and began whispering to his friend. They were blatantly talking about me but I wasn’t interested and looked the other way. When I noticed one of them staring at me though, I asked him if anything was wrong.

He replied in a ridiculously exaggerated gay lisp. “Did you say something, sweetie?” It wasn’t funny but his friend chuckled and that was all the encouragement he needed. “Don’t laugh,” he said to his friend. “I’m trying to be nice to the guy. Mr teacher said we gotta be nice to gay people.” Then he turned to me. “My buddy thinks that you’re cute.”

“No, I don’t.”

I stared at him but he didn’t deserve an answer.

“He wants to know if you’ll suck his dick.”

“Shut up! I didn’t say that.” His friend was embarrassed and smiled meekly at me but the mouthy guy wouldn’t leave it. Then he offered me his hand to shake.

“Hey, no hard feelings, huh. I’m not homophobic or anything. I like gay people. Really I do.” I looked at his hand and then at his face. He was smiling. “Hey, what’s wrong buddy? I’m trying to be nice here.”

Against my better judgement, I sighed and went to shake his hand only for him to pull away at the last second, making me look stupid.

“Sorry, I don’t wanna catch anything.” They both fell about laughing.

“Whatever.” I shrugged it off, remembering what Sue told me about being easily provoked. They were assholes but not worth getting annoyed over. I wasn’t expecting to make it through the day without at least some derogatory remarks and these goons provided me with another useful indicator. I saw it as a timely reminder to keep my guard up but he wasn’t finished with me.

After putting what I wanted onto my tray, I tried to walk around them but the mouthy one moved across to block my path.

“What are doing fag boy. Are you trying to touch me or something?”

“No, I’m trying to get past.”

“Trying to touch my ass more like. Stay away from me. Go play with your freaky boyfriend over there.” He pointed across the cafeteria in the general direction of Nathan.

Up until then, I had done well up to stay calm, but it always riled me whenever someone mentioned my boyfriend. I was very protective of Nathan, even though he didn’t need me to be.

“Go fuck yourself!” Those words, once again, just seem to come out of my mouth on their own, taking him and me by surprise. He was taller than me and made himself as large as possible as he stared me in the eye daring me to repeat myself. I didn’t and he was able to claim a disputable if temporary victory.

“You got a big mouth, but no balls, fag boy!” he said but our little fracas hadn’t gone unnoticed and his words were overheard by the wrong person.

The teacher’s face was strangely familiar. He seemed to appear out of nowhere, his lanky frame towering menacingly over the two boys in front of me. The mouthy one was dispatched without haste to the principal’s office. It was the fag boy comment which sealed his fate. The first evidence of Mr Andrews’ new no-tolerance approach to homophobic bullying. He had promised a crackdown in his earlier address to the school during homeroom and said the same thing to me at my party. The school were implementing new rules designed to reassure parents and salvage their reputation, following the incident which led to my hospitalization.

After paying for my food, the teacher pulled me aside to ask me what was said but I didn’t want to make a fuss. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to start squealing on people on the first day back. It was a reputation I was keen to avoid, for obvious reasons and this is what I told him. He understood my position and focused instead on my recovery.

“You're looking a lot better than you did when I last saw you,” he said and patted me on the shoulder. He wasn’t one of my regular teachers but it felt as if I knew him quite well. He was more than just a someone who I had seen at the school. He smiled and walked off just as Nicola arrived to see what was going on.

“It’s nothing,” I said. “But that guy—?”

“Mr Symonds, you mean? Do you remember him? He was the one who helped you on the stairs.”

The moment she said it, I remembered. “Of course, but not until now.” He was the first teacher on the scene. He cleared my airways to stop me from choking on my own blood and put me in the recovery position. His prompt actions may well have saved my life. The sudden recollection of those frantic few minutes of my life was the first memory I had of the actual accident since waking from my coma. It sent a chill up my spine and made me feel queasy.

“Are you okay?” Nicola looked concerned and sat me down at the first available seat where I was joined by a worried Rory anxious to know what happened.

“It’s okay, honestly. I’m fine. That guy was just being stupid. I’ll explain later.” When I looked across the cafeteria, the word must have reached Nathan because he was standing looking around for me. I waved to him and grabbed my tray. Then turned to Nicola. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you after school. Come on Rory, let’s go sit with Nathan and Ginny.”

I was sure if I had turned around, I would have seen steam coming from her ears. “You’ll be sorry you said that!” She was probably right but it didn’t stop us from laughing.

I probably wasn’t doing Rory any favours. A lot of people were already convinced he was playing for the boy’s team and up until a few weeks ago, he even had me fooled. Sitting at the soon to be labelled gay table, would probably confirm it as far as the tongue waggers were concerned, but it didn’t seem to bother him. It made me laugh, for a straight boy, Rory always looked and acted incredibly gay. There were times when I got the impression he actually liked it and even encouraged it.

Nathan had the beating of just about everybody when it came to femininity including most of the girls and for the first day of the new semester, my boyfriend had gone the whole nine yards.

“Are you wearing make-up?”

“Only a little,” he said. “Around the eyes. Do you like it?”

It looked more than a little to me and I was caught between being honest and having him sulk for an hour or lying and encouraging him to do it every day. I decided to avoid the question altogether but he wouldn’t allow me.

“If I’m embarrassing you, then just tell me.”

“Nah, don’t change anything. I love you as you are.”

“Ah, that’s so sweet. Did you hear that, Ginny?”

“Yes, and I’m gonna be sick.”

“How’s your day been so far?” said Rory. It was unusual for him to speak but Nathan’s reply was even more unexpected.

“I’ve had a couple of nasty remarks,” he said. “But nothing serious. It doesn’t bother me.” Nathan’s sexuality may have been old news but now he had a boyfriend he was back on the radar and fair game. The multi-coloured nail varnish, rainbow bracelets, and make-up, probably didn’t help. “What about you, baby?” He put his hand on my thigh and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. Times were changing, we were in the middle of the busy cafeteria, and more than a few eyes were on us.

“Great up until a few minutes ago.” Then I explained about the two boys in the line. One of them was sitting just a few tables away after narrowly escaping the wrath of Mr Symonds, and I pointed him out.

“I know that guy,” said Ginny. “He’s in my homeroom. I actually went on a date with him, last year.

“That’s disgusting,” said Nathan and we all looked at him. “What?”

Ginny shrugged and continued with her story. “Well, I dumped him after that. He kept asking me if I would suck his dick.”

“Did you?” asked Nathan.

Ginny threw him a look. “What do you think?”

Nathan wasn’t the only one stumped by that question. I think even Rory was in two minds until she made it clear and put us out of our misery. “Of course I didn’t, stupid.”

I did my best to placate her with a bare-faced lie. “We never doubted you, Ginny.”

Just before the end of lunch, we were interrupted by a girl from Nathan’s homeroom. She sat down between Rory and Ginny as my boyfriend introduced her. Stacy wasn’t the smartest pickle in the jar, but she had a pretty face and an inquisitive nature.

“Is it true about you two?”

“Yes,” said Nathan. “We’re missionaries from Nova Scotia.”

“I know, but you look really cute together. I’m so happy for you.”

Poor Rory looked gobsmacked and I nearly fell off my chair as I tried to keep from laughing. Nathan was quick to play on her mistake, leaning into Rory and putting his arm around him.

“It’s not me,” said Rory pushing Nathan away. “That’s his boyfriend over there.” He pointed to me but Stacy still took some persuading. I rested my case as far as Rory was concerned. It was an easy mistake to make.

It proved to be an eventful day but in-between all of that I actually managed to get some work done and make a reasonable start to the new semester. The icing on the cake though, came as I walked to my final lesson of the day. I was approached in the corridor by a kid who I recognised from grade ten. He introduced himself as Eddie and gently pulled me to one side.

“I share some classes with Nathan,” he said and then stopped as if he wasn’t sure of what to say next.

“Nice to meet you, Eddie. I have to go.”

“No, wait. I just wanted to say, what you did was really cool. Coming out I mean. You know… It’s probably not easy. But you must feel a lot better?”

It started to make sense. I got the feeling this kid had more than a passing interest in the process and smiled.

“I see. Look, if you want, we can talk tomorrow lunchtime. I’m no expert but I know people who will be able to give you advice.” His looked a little nervous but thanked me anyway, saying he would think about it. Then, before I could walk away, he handed me a scrunched up note.

“I know you have a boyfriend but here’s my number if you guys ever. Well, if you ever don’t have a boyfriend anymore. You might wanna call me or something. You know, to go out or something.”

I smiled and thanked him before he got all nervous and ran off to make his class.

‘A boy just asked me out on a date’.

Nathan was right; there were a lot of closeted gay boys in Cobourg, and now I was out they started showing themselves to me. It made me laugh but I was also quite chuffed by Eddie’s offer. He may not have been the best looking guy in the world but it didn’t matter he was a boy who asked me out and no one had ever done that before. If I didn’t have Nathan, I probably would have accepted his offer.

Despite the urge to brag about it, I decided to keep it quiet, especially from Nathan. I didn’t want him to embarrass Eddie in any way. It was the least I could do for my sweet admirer, and I also kept his number.