Egaran Stars - 15. Reinard- The Scholar

The Faro stared at the Xanar, his face a scowling mask. There was no way he was giving anything to them.

"You are not happy to be here," the pale skinned alien said, folding all six hands.

Reinard grunted.

"That is normal. I can count on one hand the number of people I have seen who wanted to share their deepest thoughts with me. Between you and me, an Ulthir would be better, but they don't do the whole therapy thing."

The fox stared, unblinking. If he was silent, maybe he could get through this faster.

"You tried to kill yourself this morning. Yes, I know about that," the Xanar said as Reinard's scowl deepened. "Your friend told me. She also told me you probably wouldn't talk. And that is okay. But you need to understand that glaring at me will not make your problems go away."

"And how exactly will you make any of my problems go away, Scholar Nareen?"

"Oh, I won't. That's up to you. But I can give you tools, ways to help yourself. I can also give you someone to talk to, someone who will not judge you."

Reinard rolled his eyes.

"I will not ask why you wanted to kill yourself. It is obvious, you feel you are done with this world, this universe. But I want to know, do you feel that way right now?" Nareen asked.

"You are making me regret failing even more."

"Reinard, I cannot help you unless you let me," Nareen said after a moment's pause. "I am not your enemy, I can promise you that."

"I don't want anything to do with this. Any of it. I don't need help."

"We all need help. And it's okay to need help. It is okay to accept help. Help making our clothes, help growing our food, help getting around the islands. You accept strangers' help every day. What makes my help any different?"

"Your help is trapping me in a universe that wants me dead."

"So, instead of showing the universe who is in charge of your life, you are just going to let the universe win. I may not know you that well, but I get the feeling that is not the real Reinard."

"You're right. You don't know me," Reinard growled, flashing his teeth. "You have no idea what I've been through, what I'm still going through."

"So enlighten me. Help me help you Reinard."

"And if I tell you, I die."

The Xanar shook their head with a frown.

"That isn't how this works Reinard. Trust me, anything you tell me here will never leave this room."

They stood up, holding up a hand.

"Please give me a moment. I would like to try something with you."

Nareen crossed the room, passing through the exit. He returned a minute later with a sharp smelling plant in hand.

Reinard sneezed suddenly, the scent boring into his nose, sharp… but also sweet.

"What is that?" he demanded, the edge slipping from his voice.

"Nepáta. It is useful as an antidepressant. Unfortunately, its effects are short lived, but it can still teach your mind to be happy."

"Happy? How am I supposed to be happy?"

Yet even as the Faro spoke, the plant did its work, his mind suddenly flush with excitement, a giddy giggle escaping his mouth.

"It will last only around ten minutes," Nareen warned, the plant sitting on the table between them. "Now, Reinard, can you tell me why you feel depressed? If not, that is understandable. But it would help if we knew what caused this."

"My Segal's death," Reinard said, the pain of the memory fighting with the Nepáta, and losing.

"Ah. I can see how that would be depressing. Tell me, how do Faro grieve? Have you taken a moment to remember your segal, and grieve his passing?"

Reinard shook his head.

"There's no time."

"Then, if you would let me, I would like to give you the time you need right now. How can I help you with your loss? Is there a certain ritual you perform, or a candle you light?"

"I don't know. I've never seen what my people do for the dead. We always ran after one of us dropped…"

Reinard swallowed heavily, the plant losing potency.

"I don't want to talk about this. I shouldn't have said anything," he grunted.

"I am proud of you though. You did talk. And that is a good first step."

There was a moment of quiet writing, Nareen making a few notes in separate books.

"You use paper? I thought that was not allowed," Reinard frowned.

"Depends on where you get it from. Our paper comes from a forest world. For each tree we cut down, we plant three more," Nareen said. "Besides, Themis told me it would be best not to leave an electronic trail with you. For my safety. She seemed quite insistent about it."

They pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to Reinard.

"When we are done here, I want you to take this to Seeker Leithen. He'll give you a bag of Nepáta and tell you how to use it."

"So that's it? You give me a plant and suddenly I'm cured?"

"Oh goodness no. You can't really cure depression. But you can treat it. I want you to come back at least twice a week. I'm usually free around midday. We will use the Nepáta as needed, while we look into other options to get you through your depression, okay?"

Reinard let out a resigned huff, his body slumping as the Nepáta lost its effect.

"Fine. Are we done here?"

"If you want us to be. There is one more thing. Tomorrow morning, I want you to send a message to this number. It can say whatever you want it to, but it will let me know that you are still among the living. You will do this every day this week, okay?"

The Faro scowled, taking the paper.

"I don't have anything to use."

"You can ask Themis, or use something at the porneo. This is a throwaway number, and you are the only one with it. I will know it's you," the Xanar smiled, standing up.

They opened the door, Reinard nearly bolting out of the room. He was beyond ready to leave the building and get home.