Egaran Stars - 25. Reinard- Laying Groundwork

"He put me in a diaper."

Reinard had no idea why those were his first words. It was not something he wanted known. But he had to get it off his chest, and this seemed the best place, maybe the only place for the Faro to talk.

Not that he wanted to spill his guts to Nareen.

"Who put you in diapers?" the Xanar asked, taking the strange start in stride.

Their pen clicked quietly, Reinard's fur bristling at the noise, though he had no idea why.

"Galen. My housemate."

"Ah. Is this Galen one of Themis' friends as well?"

Reinard grunted.

"I guess. I don't get how she can be friends with him. He is so infuriating."

"I see. You understand Egaro value consent above all else. This tells me something Reinard. Do you know what that is?"

"I didn't want to put on the diaper," Reinard snapped. "Why in Golaski's name would I want to wear a diaper? It's humiliating!"

"I agree. It can be humiliating, yes. But it can also be a tool. Galen didn't force you into a diaper, did he?"

"He told me to wear the diaper or I wouldn't be allowed on the bed," Reinard growled. "Like I was some kind of pet! And don't say I had a choice. That is no choice!"

"Technically it is, though it is not a very positive set of choices. You may not like it, but you did choose," Nareen said, writing a note down. "This raises a few questions. Why don't we talk this out one question at a time?"

Reinard scoffed quietly, thumping back against his seat. He was supposed to be going home right now, but no, he'd had Galen pay for him to come here, and he was going to walk over at least ten islands trying to get home. This had obviously been a mistake, but the fox was here, and he would just suffer through the questions.

"You are having trouble with your bladder at night? It is the most logical explanation for you to be wearing a diaper to bed," Nareen pointed out.

"It… it's never happened before, I swear-"

"It's okay. I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to help you. Now, is there a reason you might be soiling yourself? Are you drinking too much before bed? Anxious, scared…"

"I didn't have anything to drink last night… but I…"

Reinard bit his lip. He couldn't mention the dream. Not without getting into his clan's history. The Faro had already fucked up once today. He couldn't do it again.

"I can't tell you."

"That's okay. There is no pressure here. We can move on when you are ready. Why don't you tell me more about Galen? He is close to you, physically if not emotionally."

"He's an ass. It feels like everything he does is designed to make me uncomfortable. I can't even go into my bond form because I just know he'll try to hold me."

"And holding you would be bad?"

"Of course it would be bad! He already ruined me, touching me in my bond form would just make everything worse!"

"And just how did he ruin you?"

Reinard's ears flattened, his body tensing.

"I… I touched myself because of him…" he breathed, nearly whimpering.

"You masturbated to him? I understand that is not a common practice among your people. But I promise you, it is normal for beings to touch themselves, especially here," Nareen pointed out.

"I'll never find a Faro to bond with me. Not after everything I've done here."

"You are still young by Faro standards. You do not need to find a bond mate this early."

"I do! My clan depends on it!"

The fox hissed suddenly, a look of panic coming over his face. He needed to stop talking. Who knew who this Xanar might tell about him?

"Forgive me if this is insensitive, but you might need to put your needs before your clan's. There is no point in bringing young into a damaged home," Nareen said gently.

"You don't…"

Reinard let out a shaky sigh, shaking his head.

"Go ahead and finish your thought," Nareen encouraged.

"You don't understand. And I can't tell you why."

"Can't? Or won't? You know this is a safe place. Nothing you say in here will be repeated anywhere."

"So you say."

"Then you do not trust me. If I make you uncomfortable, perhaps you would be happier with someone else. I am not offended at all, I promise."

"I can't tell anyone this," Reinard grimaced. "It doesn't matter who is in front of me."

"I can't help with what I do not know. But for now, we'll move on. We're just laying the groundwork here."

The Xanar studied the small fox, Reinard sinking into his seat.

"How are you feeling today? Is the Nepáta helping?"

"It messed me up last night. I… I tried to cuddle him…"

"You tried to cuddle with Galen? One thing the Nepáta does is lower inhibitions. The plant didn't make you cuddle Galen, but it did quiet the voice telling you not to cuddle him. Which is to say, you wanted to, you were just stopping yourself."

Reinard growled quietly.

"I do not want to cuddle him!"

"Were your parents very affectionate with you Reinard?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

The Xanar smiled slightly.

"More than you realize. It is possible that you want to wear the diaper, you want to be held, be cuddled. You are depressed, stressed. Maybe life would be simpler if you were younger. Perhaps you crave for someone to care for you."

The Faro deflated slowly, his mind spinning.

"No, Segal never had time to hold me…"

"For reasons you cannot tell me. But it is a big indicator. I want you to do something. You trust Themis, right?"

Reinard nodded cautiously.

"When you see her next, I want you to ask her if she will hold you for one minute. A hug, picking you up, it doesn't matter. But a full minute of non sexual bodily contact."

The Faro let out a quiet sigh.

"Fine."

Nareen smiled, standing up.

"Well, this was a good start, I think," they said as Reinard dropped out of his seat. "Please don't forget to send a message tomorrow morning. I was worried about you."

The fox frowned.

"I forgot," he said quietly. "I think I was still out of it."

"Ah. You may want to cut back on the Nepáta just a bit then. Too much can leave you a little woozy. I'll see you in a day or two."

Reinard nodded slowly, stepping out of the room. He had a long walk ahead of him, but at least it wasn't dark out. Yet.