The Cockney Canuck - 85. Chapter 85 Breaking The Rules

It was nearly dark and we had been lying on his bed for a good half-an-hour in silence. The sex was finished; I was certain that I couldn’t squeeze another drop from my aching testicles, and my semi-limp dick was no longer able to stand to attention.

It rested like a wounded soldier against Nathan’s silky thigh as I lay next to him with my arm across his chest and my face pressed snug into the nape of his neck. I was comfortable against his skin, familiar with its smell, texture, and even taste.

“I hope you didn’t give me a hickey earlier,” he said, breaking the silence, and I lifted my head to study the patch of skin that I had been sucking on. “You did, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” I said, rubbing his neck with my finger, but it didn’t come off. I don’t think it will show.”

“Of course it will show!” He sat upright, pushing me off him, and grabbed a small vanity mirror from his bedside table to check the damage.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

He was a little annoyed at first and I could understand why—it was a bit of a giveaway—but Nathan rarely stayed mad at me for very long.

“Aw, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout,” he said. “I should have realised, too. I like it when you get all carried away and stuff…it’s cute.”

“I don’t notice myself getting carried away.”

He giggled. “Well, you wouldn’t, would you, silly.” He slapped me playfully.

“There’s another one on your leg,” I confessed, and he looked quizzically at me before lifting it. “Inner thigh, you don’t remember, do you?”

“No, but my shorts will probably cover it.” His foot was above his head, and it looked like he was trying to tie himself in a knot.

“And probably one on your back, I said, “between your shoulder blades.”

“Well, I don’t usually take my shirt off in public.”

“You might wanna wear socks for a while, too.”

“You're kidding me…?” I was and laughed as he slapped my arm. “You're a vampire.”

“It’s your fault, you shouldn’t be so delicious.” I giggled, but he countered my amusement with an exaggerated sad face.

“Look what you did to my winkle.” His once proud manhood was in a sorry state as he held it upright between his thumb and forefinger. It looked lifeless and sore. “That’s a tooth mark,” he said, pointing to a red patch on the underside. There was only a slight indentation, and I couldn’t remember doing it, but I apologised anyway.

I was still learning, but sex with Nathan had become more than just a quick release. That day, it had evolved into something much more passionate and meaningful, although I didn’t really understand why.

It was incomparable with any of my previous experiences. The nervous fumbles in the dark with Tom, the uncomfortable straight sex with Fran, and the bizarre drug-induced sessions with Alex were all fun in their own way, but sex with Nathan surpassed even my wildest fantasies.

I was sure that this was partly due to familiarity. I was more comfortable in bed with him than any of my previous partners. With Fran, I was always nervous, and it felt as if the onus was on me to perform. I was never sure how to please her, and I didn’t like being the only one in our relationship with a willy. Tom was basically a friend who fooled around, and although there were times when it got heated, there were always limits and places where he wouldn’t allow me to go.

Nathan, however, ticked all the boxes. Being with him was natural and effortless, no matter what we were doing, and we did everything. We just seemed to gel. For hours that day, we were completely lost to the world, locked in our own little bubble and consumed by sexual pleasure. Planet Earth could have disintegrated around us, and we wouldn’t have known a thing about it.

I could easily have spent the rest of the night glued to him, but I could sense that he was getting nervous as the evening wore on. We needed time to clean up his room, change the sheets and then take another shower, my third of the day.

“I’ve had more showers today than I used to have in a year in England,” I said. Nathan stopped drying to throw me a look. “Only joking…maybe six months.” He slapped my ass and told me to get dressed for bed, which I thought was funny.

‘I’ve been naked for most of the day, and now I have to get dressed to go to bed’?

His parents were due back soon, and I was to sleep on the sofa in the basement, which Nathan had already made into a neat little bed.

Later, as I watched television, he brought down a plate of Buffalo wings and a milkshake.

“I thought you might be hungry after all your exertions,” he said, and he was right.

“That’s really cool, Nathan. What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the drink.

“It’s one of my special shakes; try it. There’s lots of fruit in it and stuff that’s good for you.”

“Like a smoothie, you mean?”

“Yeah, with a little bit of Nathan in it.” I cocked my head at him and smiled as he slapped my arm. “Nothing like that!” he said. “Just drink it already.”

I didn’t usually touch anything that was good for me, but it tasted nice, and I enjoyed being spoilt.

“You're quite good at making stuff, aren’t you?”

He laughed. “Not really, I never cook; the wings were from a packet. We would probably starve if we ever lived together.”

I thought it was an odd statement to make, but I liked it. “You would live with me?”

He laughed. “I dunno, one day maybe. If we’re still together?” He grinned and looked away bashfully. “What?”

“Nothing…I think that’s really cool, that’s all.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’d love to live with you.”

“Most people find it difficult to be around me for too long,” he said.

“Not me; I wanna be around you all the time. Honestly, I’m addicted to you. I don’t wanna ever let you go.” I thought that I had gone a little over the top, but that was how I felt, and for some reason, it was important for me to tell him. He smiled at my enthusiasm but looked a little uncomfortable.

‘Why did I say that’?

“I’m sorry, that sounded weird.”

“No, it’s cool that you wanna be with me.” He shuffled closer and kissed me.

“You're very saucy.”

“I know.”

“No, as in Buffalo wing sauce,” I said, licking my lips. “But if we ever did live together, you know, one day. Then I can cook.”

“You can cook?”

“Not very well, but I can cook. Don’t look so surprised.”

“I’ve never even seen you make a sandwich,” he said and that may have been true but it wasn’t always the case.

“I used to cook for myself when I was in England. I had to; I had no choice, and for my mom too when she was ill.” His smile faded as my mood dropped. “I had to do everything: washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping. I did the lot and still went to school… occasionally.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, bowing his head. “I didn’t realise. You never talk about England or your mom.”

“My life was a lot different then.”

“It still hurts, doesn’t it?”

I nodded. “Oh yeah, it never goes away. I still think about her every single day, and I always will.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and rested his head against my shoulder.

“Well, don’t be. She would have liked you, I know that for sure.” I pushed him away and laughed.

“Why?”

“Because you make me happy and because your face is covered in Buffalo wing sauce.” It made him laugh, but when he leaned forward to try and kiss me again, I backed off.

“You're not kissing me like that.”

“It’s only sauce from the wings; your face is even worse.” He pursed his lips and moved towards me, giggling.

Nathan was the only person I could think of who could make Buffalo wing sauce look sexy, but there were limits to how far I would go, and I was wearing clean pajamas.

“Don’t,” I said. “I’m warning you, keep away…Argh, that’s disgusting.” He thought it was really funny, and I suppose it was, but when I smeared some on his nose, it triggered off a tit-for-tat, which put paid to my pyjamas and ended with another trip to the bathroom.

“I’m running out of clean sheets,” he said as he covered me with a new one and kissed me goodnight. He was a good host and it was a shame to let him go, but he wanted to be in bed before his parents arrived home.

“Why are you pampering me?”

“Because I enjoy looking after you,” he said. “And because I love you.” He smiled and poked his tongue at me before switching the light off, but those words lingered in my head for ages, providing food for thought for a still-hungry brain.

“I love you too, you know?” I said, and I really meant it.

‘I think that was the best day of my life’.

I was sure of it, but it wasn’t just the sex that made it so good, it was all the bits in-between. Showering together, sleeping together, eating together, and being naked together without any inhibitions. We shared everything from childhood memories to Buffalo wing sauce, and never stopped laughing in-between.

I was too excited to sleep. I felt lightheaded and giddy to the point that I got up and started pacing the darkened room, thinking of everything that had happened.

Karen had said earlier that I was good for Nathan, but I was sure that it was the other way around. His vibrant personality seemed to rub off on me, lifting my mood and my confidence. I felt rejuvenated in his company, and we were the perfect foil for each other’s madness. According to Karen, even his parents wanted us to be together.

I was sure that Don would never be willing to accept us as a couple, let alone encourage it, not even when we were older. The contrast between his family and my own was like night and day, and although it was only the first night of my three-day sleepover, I was already thinking up ways to extend my visit.

* * * * *

“Morning, sexy.”

I was bleary-eyed and still tired as I threw off my sheet and sat upright with my head in my hands.

“I was just dreaming about you,” I said. “We were making love.”

“Did the earth move for you, sweetie?”

“Karen! Sorry, I thought you were Nathan.” I grabbed the sheet to cover myself and collapsed back down on the sofa as she laughed.

“Nathan’s still asleep; you must have worn him out yesterday.” I was sure that it was mutual, but it wasn’t something that I wanted to discuss with his sister, even in jest. “You’re gonna have to be more careful today, though,” she said. “Our parents are coming back.”

“I thought that they were here already, weren’t they supposed to be back last night?”

“It got too late, and they decided to stay over, but they’ll be back this afternoon, so behave yourselves, okay.” I agreed but my mind was already thinking of mischief.

“I have to go out for a few hours, but I should be back before they get home. You can make yourself some breakfast if you want, but don’t let him sleep all day.”

“I’ll make sure that he gets up,” I said and then regretted my choice of words.

“I’m sure you will, sweetie."

After she left, I waited a few minutes before venturing upstairs in my underwear to creep into Nathan’s room. It was warm, and he was sprawled across his bed, face down, on top of his sheet, in just a pair of briefs. The sunlight made him look almost angelic and nothing like the salacious, sex-starved boy from the day before. It would have made a perfect picture. I inched forward and then froze when the floorboards creaked and he stirred, scrunching his nose and licking his lips.

‘I think I’m in love with him…maybe that’s what’s making me feel so funny’?

I watched him for a few minutes, unable to bring myself to disturb such beauty.

It did seem a little predatory, and I didn’t want to freak him out, so I forced myself to move, opting for a more hands-on approach.

He muttered something in his sleep as I lowered myself onto his bed and gently pushed his foot out of the way with mine. He didn’t wake, though, until I snuggled up next to him, and when I saw him lift his head, I pretended to be asleep.

“Robbie?” I felt his hand on my shoulder and opened my eyes to see him sitting upright. “What are you doing here?” he whispered. “You're supposed to be downstairs. When did you…?”

“Morning, beautiful.” I rubbed my eyes but he was in a full-blown panic.

“Shush, my parents will hear you. You not supposed to be here. You have to go downstairs.”

“But I wanna be with you,” I said.

“I wanna be with you too, but not now; you have to go.” He climbed over me, jumped out of bed and lifted me upright by my arm. Then he saw the time. “Shit! I overslept; they’ll be up already…what can we do.”

“We can have sex,” I said, but when I tried to kiss him, he pushed me away.

“No, not now. You're crazy; if they catch you here, you’ll have to go home?”

“They won't catch me,” I said and started to laugh.

“It’s Sunday, my dad’s at home and…what are you laughing at?”

It was sweet revenge for the previous day. “No, he isn’t. They’re not here.” He looked confused but suddenly calm as he worked it out.

“They’re still in Ottawa, aren’t they?”

“Uh-huh.”

“How do you know?”

“Karen told me.”

“Is she here?”

“No, she had to go out someplace.”

“You had me worried,” he said and slapped me on my shoulder before sitting down next to me. “How long have you been in my bed?”

“Hours.”

“The truth.”

“Five minutes,” I said and then stood up to head for the door.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Downstairs to get dressed, of course.”

“You can’t get into my bed and then just leave.”

“I can’t?”

“No, it’s against the rules.”

I wasn’t one for breaking the rules but I had to remind him that less than a minute earlier, he was telling me to leave.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he said, and he stepped in front of me to block my exit. “I want you to stay.”

“Sorry, but I’ve got things to do.” It was a fair attempt, but I couldn’t fool him. I was betrayed, as usual, by my dick, which had its own agenda, and Nathan was quick to exploit my weakness. With his back against the door, he dropped to his knees, taking my briefs with him and leaving me biting my lip.

There was no finer sight in the world than seeing the boy of my dreams with my dick in his gob, and Nathan enjoyed watching my reactions as he went about his work. It may have helped him to improve his technique, but in my book, he was already a master.

He was also unpredictable and impossible to categorise. That morning, when I saw him reaching for a condom, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to come out for a second round, but he was a boy of many talents, and I soon discovered that the rubber wasn’t meant for me. It was a reversal of our usual roles but a position that I had held before, regrettably, with Alex.

* * * * *

An hour later we were back in the shower. Nathan’s boundless enthusiasm had more than made up for his lack of experience in the driving seat, but it got a little uncomfortable towards the end and I was glad when he finally collapsed on top of me, spent and exhausted.

It was nearly midday when his mom called to tell us that they were about an hour away. We appreciated the warning, and I wondered if they had done it on purpose rather than chance an embarrassing entrance. If they did, then it worked well because when they arrived home, we were in the basement, clean, dressed, and playing video games. Not a hair out of place; all that was missing were the halos.

It was almost too perfect, and I got the feeling that they knew we had been up to something, especially when they discovered that Karen wasn’t at home. Maybe it was his room that gave us away. Boys' bedrooms are never that clean and don’t usually smell of air freshener.

They must have known that we wouldn’t have allowed such a gilt-edged opportunity to go begging, but they weren’t about to start interrogating us either. It was a more measured approach than Don’s Wild West antics, and when I saw Nathan trying to put his arms around his dad’s portly waist, it was perfectly clear who the winner was.

Don wasn’t about to get any man hugs like that from me, but I suppose, respect and love have to be earned, simply being a father or guardian isn’t enough on its own. I was still learning how it all worked, but the Elliotts provided a pretty good working model of what I imagined to be a happy family.

They had recently been through a difficult time of their own, with the death of Nathan’s grandfather and looked tired after their trip, but they still made time to talk to me about my accident. His mom had called me a couple of times while I was in the hospital, but I hadn’t seen them and they wanted to know how I was and what I had been doing.

“Your aunt has invited us over to dinner next weekend,” she said.

“Are you going?” asked Nathan.

“Yes, dear.” Then she turned her attention back to me. “She told me that you’ve had a few difficulties at home recently. She’s worried about you.”

“He’s had a lot of problems, haven’t you, Robbie,” said Nathan.

“I suppose.”

“I hear they took it quite bad?” added his dad.

“No, only Don,” I said. “But he’s the boss in that house, and everyone has to play by his rules.”

“We know what he’s like,” said his mom. “Nathan’s had problems with him too, hasn’t he, Morgan?”

His dad agreed. “We weren't pleased with the way that he treated our son.”

“Only after I came out,” said Nathan. “He was fine before.”

“That’s the same with me,” I said.

“Maybe he just needs some time to get used to it?” said Morgan.

“He hates me,” I mumbled.

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, Robbie.”

“He does,” insisted Nathan. “And he hates me too.”

“Let Robbie answer for himself, dear,” said Liz and I gave him a playful shove.

“He probably misunderstands you,” said Morgan. “And he may even be frightened of you, but he doesn’t hate you.”

“He’s not frightened of Robbie,” said Nathan.

“I’m speaking metaphorically. People are often scared of the unknown. I know I was when Liz joined the Liberals.” He was the only one who laughed, but I knew what he was getting at. “It was difficult for us too.”

“But you didn’t shout at me and call me names,” said Nathan.

“We’ve still got time for that son,” he said. “If you don’t stop interrupting.” Nathan folded his arms and sulked, while his dad laughed. “I’ll talk to him next week; I take it that’s the reason why we’ve suddenly been invited.”

“He doesn’t want me to see Nathan, so he’ll be trying to get you on his side.”

He glanced at his wife before smiling at me. “Was it my son who asked you to date him or the other way around, I’m just curious.”

“It was me,” said Nathan.

“I thought so, but did either of you ask your uncle if it was okay, because no one asked me, you just told me. I didn’t mind because that’s how it usually works. I didn’t ask Liz’s father if I could date her either. The point is, we choose our own partners in life, Robbie. It’s not something that your uncle can do for you. He needs to realise that. I think you're a good kid.”

“Thank you.”

“Nathan definitely thinks so,” said his mom. “And he’s not an easy boy to please.” I never had any trouble pleasing their son, but I appreciated their compliments.

“Well, whatever your uncle says, I’m glad that you two got together, and I hope you make a go of it.”

“Do you mean that dad?”

“No, of course not. I’m just trying to make him feel better.” He was reprimanded by his wife, but I was getting used to Morgan’s sense of humour. “We’ll see what he has to say next weekend.”

Their support was a massive confidence boost for me, but his mom’s words at the end were the icing on the cake. “You must promise to call us if you ever feel threatened or think that it’s no longer safe for you to stay there, okay? Don’t run away. You can always stay here if you have to.”

“I promise.”

Morgan agreed. “You can call us anytime, Robbie; we’re always available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, except for weekends and national holidays.”

“Dad, stoppit; it’s not funny,” said Nathan. “I think that Robbie should move in with us now rather than take any chances.” His mom wasn’t impressed as she watched on with her arms folded in front of her. “I don’t think it’s safe for him to go back there, mom. It really isn’t, is it Robbie? What are you guys laughing at? I’m only trying to help?”

* * * * *

There was only so much Brittany Spears that I could listen to in one day, and Nathan didn’t share my love of transcendental, progressive, uplifting trance music, so after dinner, we decided to go to the beach.

It was a bold move. Since our one and only proper date, we were rarely seen out together on our own, and on a Sunday afternoon, it was going to be busy. Cobourg was too small a community not to be noticed, and Nathan wasn’t the type to blend into the background, so being seen around town with him on a regular basis would have been tantamount to a full-blown confession.

Lately, however, I was starting to question whether it was worthwhile even bothering to hide. The need to be with my boyfriend was now stronger than the need to keep my sexuality out of the public domain, and now that all of my family and most of my friends knew about me, it seemed a rather pointless exercise.

I was already toying with the idea of announcing myself to the few who didn’t already know, but the two days spent in Nathan’s company had now pretty much sealed the deal.

When we reached the beach, we sat on the concrete perimeter wall to take off our shoes and watch a group of older teenagers playing volleyball. The guys were fit and topless, and I recognised them from our school, but the only boy who I was interested in was sitting right beside me, and I was determined to prove it to him.

“You're quiet,” he said, but although I hadn’t spoken a word since we got there, on the inside, it was chaotic. My mind was playing tricks on me again and I was having trouble thinking straight or thinking about anything at all other than Nathan.

We were used to holding hands, but not in public, so he was a little surprised when I reached over and grabbed his sticky palm. It wasn’t done out of defiance for others but out of necessity. The need to touch him and be close to him was simply overwhelming and could no longer be contained.

“Are you sure?” he said.

“I don’t wanna hide anymore. I don’t care who sees me or what anyone says, I just care about you.” I knew that my mushy lines were guaranteed to get a reaction, but I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me on the cheek.

“That was so sweet,” he said. “So is this it…is this the moment when Robbie officially leaves the closet?”

“Can you think of any reason why I shouldn’t?”

“No, if you're sure that’s what you want?”

I nodded; I had never been more certain about anything in my life. It felt right. I wanted to be myself for once, and do it through choice rather than wait to be outed at school. It was a pre-emptive strike that would send a clear message to any potential haters that I wasn’t to be messed with. That was the plan anyway, and what better place to do it than at the waterfront—the place where every teenager in town seemed to hang out—and with Nathan on my arm.

We walked along the pathway that bordered the beach with sweaty, nervous hands until we reached the end before doubling back along the surf. We got a lot of interesting looks, but no one seemed particularly shocked, and I began to relax.

‘I should’ve done this months ago’.

It would have been impossible for such a blatant display of affection between two boys to go unnoticed and there were a few kids there who I recognised from school, but only a few had the courage or desire to approach us. I’m sure that it would have been different if I had been on my own. It wasn’t what I was expecting, but Nathan was unfazed.

“Most guys our age are sexually confused,” he said. “Some of them are unsure of their sexuality. A few are in the closet, for sure and they’re frightened to talk to you in case they reveal themselves. You’ll get used to it.”

‘I used to be one of them’.

We were finally stopped by two girls from my math class, who stood up to talk to us. They wanted to know about my injury and were pleased to see that I had recovered, but even as we talked, I refused to let go of Nathan’s hand. They didn’t say anything, but I could see them keep looking, and they knew Nathan.

There were others. A boy from my science class, and a girl from my homeroom who both came over to say hello. They seemed genuinely happy to see me looking fit and well and my obvious connection with Nathan wasn’t an issue.

“So you guys are dating, huh?” said a guy who I knew from history. I couldn’t remember his name, but I appreciated his comment and the matter-of-fact way that he said it.

“He’s straight but comfortable with his sexuality,” said Nathan. “We’re no threat to him and he knows it. There are a few jerks but a lot of nice people as well.”

I was learning quickly now that I could see things from the other side of the fence, but so far, I had been pleasantly surprised by the general reaction. Only a few half-hearted sneers; it was almost an anti-climax after such a big build-up.

‘I might have to start putting up posters’!

I had wanted to announce it to the world, but the world, it seemed, didn’t really care. Then came the coup de grace. As we left the beach, dead ahead and looking right at us was Naomi, Nicola’s butch friend and partner in crime.

“Shit is it Halloween already?” said Nathan, but it was too late to change course, and she was standing directly in our path. Shades of the Titanic perhaps and I already had that sinking feeling in my gut as she stared at our clasped hands.

We let go, but it was way too late, she had done the sums and come up with all the right answers.

“Hello, Naomi.” She looked a little confused, and I couldn’t blame her, but discretion was never her quality, and I was expecting a rough ride.

“Hey Robbie, how are you?”

“Better, thanks.”

“I know you hit your head quite bad, but really? Did it turn you gay?”

“No!”

She pulled me aside to whisper loudly in my ear. “Honey, straight guys don’t usually walk along the beach holding hands with gay boys. No offence, Nathan, I’m happy for you.” Her whispers were loud enough for everyone to hear and her friends thought that it was all highly amusing.

“Thanks for the advice.”

“Does Nicola know?” I was hoping that she would ask me.

“Yes, of course, she knows. I thought everyone knew.” For the self-professed queen of gossip to be left out of the loop on such a juicy piece of scandal would have been devastating, and she looked well and truly peeved.

“Actually, I’ve always known that you were gay, Robbie,” she said loud enough for everyone in Cobourg to hear her. “And you two look so cute together, don’t they?”

She got a few laughs from her loyal followers, but we were blocking the entrance to the beach, and it was starting to get congested.

“We have to go,” I said. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, enjoy each other,” she said, then in a change of tone. “I bet Nicola’s dad loves you!” I turned to smile at her. “Yeah, I thought so.”

“She scares the hell out of me,” said Nathan as we headed into the park.

“Yeah, you and eight billion others on this planet!”

‘There’s nothing like jumping into the deep end’.

“I don’t think there’s any way back for you now, dude,” said Nathan. “Welcome to the club.”

“Yeah, she’s worse than the News of the World.” I could see him looking confused. “It’s a British Sunday Newspaper, famous for having a pop at people.”

He shook his head and leaned into me. “Whenever you get angry or nervous, your accent gets worse and you start talking cockney.” He was right, but I denied it. “I know you so well.”

“You only think you know me,” I said, and I grabbed his sweaty hand again.

“No, I know everything about you,” he said. “I’ve studied you. I know all of your little habits and expressions. I know the way you get dressed, the way you sleep, what you like to eat, what bores you. What turns you on.” He licked his lips seductively. “I even know how many times you shake your dick after you pee.”

“That’s a load of old bollocks.”

“Told you!”

It was nice to be able to finally show some kind of affection in public and like all good things, now that I had tried it, I didn’t want to stop.

“I never thought that I would ever be able to do this.”

“Me neither. I never thought that I would have a proper boyfriend.”

‘You're the only one’.

I would never be able to understand how it was possible for a boy like Nathan to reach fifteen without having a boyfriend. Even in Cobourg, it seemed unrealistic. I was sure that I was the luckiest person alive. Like finding the winning lottery ticket in the street; I had stumbled upon a hidden treasure that no one else had seen.

Now that I was officially out to the world. I was certain that everyone would be jealous of me.

“I doubt it,” he said.

“Oh, come on. I’m pretty bloody sure that you have a lot of secret admirers at school and I’m talking boys. I bet you make it into a lot of their fantasies.”

“I hope so,” he said, and he poked his tongue at me. “I try my best to encourage that kind of thing.”

“But only I can have you for real.”

“Only you,” he repeated. “But you have to promise me the same.”

“Of course, I would never wanna be with anyone other than you.”

It was the truth, and I was certain that I would never feel any different. Nathan was my destiny, and I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone keep me from it.