The Cockney Canuck - 109. Chapter 109 Mister Lube

‘Don needs to teach you some manners. I’d teach you, alright’.

Those words resonated in my head long after Mr Symmonds departed. I sat in my room; the only safe place I could find, but even that wasn’t secure. I no longer felt safe anywhere in that house, and I wondered if I ever did.

“I’m sick of this fucking place!”

I wanted to go for a walk, but I couldn’t remember if I was still grounded or not, Sue would be home soon and I had a thumping headache.

‘Where are they? They left me here alone with that creep’!

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”

I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep. My mind was filled with thoughts of the counsellor, Don, Sue, Alex, Nathan, and my mom.

The next day was her birthday. My mom was the one who decided I should live in Canada, but ultimately it had proved to be the wrong decision. I was certain of it now, although I couldn’t blame her for the mess I was in. She didn’t know; how could she. I sat on my bed and apologised to her. She needed to know this was not her fault. I still loved her.

‘I should’ve stayed in England, with Tom. I was happy there. It was a mistake to come here. And a mistake to agree to the stupid adoption. What was I thinking? I’ve allowed a madman to take control of my life’?

Clearly, Don would stop at nothing to force his will over me and make me into the person he wanted me to be. He had hired a maniac to try to convince me I wasn’t gay. It cost him money to have him there. It was like paying a hitman to destroy me.

‘Why would he do that? Why does he hate me’?

I was shaking again and went dizzy, I had to sit down before I fell, but even lying on the bed with my eyes closed, I could feel the room spinning around. It made me feel sick, so I walked to the bathroom and threw some cold water over my face.

When I looked in the mirror, I was pale and gaunt, and now I had a pain in my chest.

‘Maybe Don wouldn’t need to hire a hitman’.

I was sure I was having a heart attack. It was pounding too fast, and it felt like it was misfiring. I started to panic, dropping to the floor and clutching my chest as I fought for breath as if I had just run a hundred metres.

‘Fuck! Why is this happening to me’?

I sat in the corner of the bathroom taking short breaths and shaking. The tap was still running, filling the sink, but I couldn’t move. It was more important to stay where I was and survive. Better to concentrate on my breathing than worry about the water, which was now spilling over the countertop and onto the bathroom floor. It wasn’t long before the tiles were covered and I was sitting in a puddle.

‘Just my luck. I can’t just have a heart attack. I have to drown as well’.

The cold got the better of me, and I dragged myself to my knees, weighed down with waterlogged jeans, to turn off the tap. It was too late to stop a mini flood as more water poured off the counter and down the front of my t-shirt, but I wasn’t dead yet, and there was help arriving.

The water must have been running under the door into the basement, and I could hear panicked voices outside. There was a knock, and Daniel called my name. Then I heard Alex shouting at him to move. There was a loud thud, and the door came flying open, narrowly missing my crumpled frame.

“Are you okay?”

I was sitting on the floor with my head in my hands, still shaking and feeling sick. There was no need to answer his question. It would have been apparent to everyone I was a long way from being okay.

When Sue came home, I was curled up naked in bed hugging my pillow. Alex was responsible, he walked me to the bedroom and took off my wet clothes while Daniel and Nicola mopped the floors.

Sue picked the worst day to be late home from work. It smacked of a conspiracy, but I was too light headed to give it any serious thought and then sleep took over.

*     *     *

I woke to the smell of hot chocolate and a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“Robbie, are you gonna get up?”

“Is it time to go already?”

“It will be soon. After breakfast.”

I rubbed my eyes and sat upright staring at the funny-looking man at the end of my bed. He was there last night as well, with my mom. I could hear them talking and laughing for ages before I went to sleep.

“Where are we going today?”

“To England,” she said.

“Is it far?”

“It’s quite a way,” said the man. “You're going on an airplane.”

“Are you coming with us?”

“No,” he said. “I have to stay here for a while. I have to work. But I’ll be here when you get back.”

I liked him, and I wanted him to come with us. I couldn’t understand why he had to stay.

“He has to stay here to go to work, dear.”

“You’ll be back before you know it, Robbie.” He reached into his pocket and handed me a bright gold coin. “Do you know what this is?” I shook my head, and he laughed. “This is a special dollar,” he said. “It’s been made to commemorate the millennium. Don’t spend it.”

“What should I do with it then?”

“It’s to keep. To remind you of Canada. Don’t lose it, whatever you do. It’s precious.”

“I won't.”

“I’ll make sure he looks after it,” said my mom.

“Who’s gonna look after you?” he asked. He put his hand on my mom’s shoulder.

“I don’t need anyone to look after me.”

“I’ll look after her,” I interrupted.

My mom laughed, as the man bent down to whisper to me.

“Thank you, Robbie, your mom’s a special lady, look after her for me, okay?” He patted me on the head, and I nodded. Then he kissed me on the forehead before walking outside with my mom.

I sat in my bed examining the coin and listening to their muffled voices before sneaking to the door and peeking through the open crack. He kissed her too. They were kissing for ages before he left and she was crying afterwards.

I didn’t want to go to England, so I went back to bed to sulk.

“Robbie, you have to get up dear.”

“Can’t we stay here.”

“No, dear. Uncle Donald’s coming to drive us to the airport.”

“I don’t care. I don’t wanna go.”

“Robbie, wake up.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Robbie, wake up, honey.”

“Huh,” I jumped when I saw Sue’s face. “It’s you.”

“Who did you think it was?”

‘My mom’.

“I was dreaming.”

“I know dear. I’ve made you a drink and something to eat.”

“Is he awake?” I heard Nicola’s voice from the open doorway and then Amy and Daniel. As I opened my mouth, Sue shoved a thermometer in it and pushed my jaw shut.

“This first,” she said, and I rolled my eyes as Daniel came into the room and sat at the end of my bed.

“What happened, did you pass out in the bathroom or something?”

I turned my head to stare at him while pointing to the thermometer.

“You, dork,” said Nicola.

“Alex broke the bathroom door,” said Amy as Sue studied the results and looked into my eyes.

“He had to break it,” said Nicola.

“Actually, he didn’t,” I said. “The door wasn’t locked.” I was able to smile, perhaps for the first time that day. I kinda liked the idea of Alex kicking the door down to rescue me though, even if he wasn’t in my good books at the moment.

“Well, it makes no difference,” said Sue. “He wasn’t to know. It could have been serious.”

‘What’s she talking about. It was serious. I nearly died’.

Sue stood up straight and clapped her hands to clear the room, signalling at Nicola to close the door on her way out.

“Your temperature’s normal,” she said and pulled up a chair. “What happened, Robbie?”

“I felt ill. I thought I was having a heart attack.”

“What made you think that?”

“My chest was aching, and I could feel my heart racing. Then I went all dizzy and couldn’t breathe.”

“I see.” She looked worried and felt my pulse. “Has this happened before?”

“Almost.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah, but not as bad.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I shrugged my shoulders. “It sounds like you had a panic attack.” She stroked my hair. “What happened with the counsellor?”

“He’s a dick!”

I was expecting her to be annoyed at me, but she remained calm.

“In what way is he a dick? Did he upset you? Tell me what he did, honey?”

“Yeah, he upset me. He threatened me, for a start.”

“He did what?”

I edged away from her, wary of her changing mood.

“He threatened me because I was rude to him.”

“What did he say?”

I repeated our little verbal exchange as best as I could remember, while Sue listened patiently to every word.

“It’s the truth,” I said. “I’m not lying just to get him in trouble.”

“I know you're not. Well, you won’t need to see him again, that’s for sure. I don’t think he was a very good choice and I shouldn’t have left you here on your own. I’m sorry.” She kissed me on the forehead and left, telling me she would be back with some food. I was pretty sure she was going upstairs to call Don. It was Friday, his night out. Not for long.

As I put my head on the pillow, Sue’s place in the chair was taken by Nicola. “So what happened? Did he drug you or something?”

“What? No, don’t be silly.”

“Well, what happened then?”

“Did he try to brainwash you?” asked Daniel. Nicola, annoyed at Daniel’s interruption turned to swing a punch at her brother.

“Get out, you can have him after me.”

I didn’t like the sound of that, but Alex obviously did. He popped his head around the door and joked. “When do I get to have him?”

Nicola turned to glare at him. “You’ve already had your turn.”

‘Oh shit’!

Alex looked puzzled, and I quickly shook my head at him behind Nicola’s back. I should never have told her about my little fling with Alex. I threw her a look and hoped he wouldn’t read her comment the way she intended.

*     *     *

I was feeling much better the next day, so Don asked me if I would go with him to pick something up from Canadian Tire. The store that sold everything, including tires. He wanted to buy a snow blower in preparation for the fast approaching winter and needed help lifting it into the back of his car.

“No more shovelling the driveway, with one of these,” he said.

“Are we moving house?” The machine he bought looked big enough to clear a football field, and we had to fold the seats back to fit it in. It was still only mid-October, so maybe he was expecting an early winter. It seemed like overkill to me. The driveway wasn’t that big, and the snowploughs took care of the road.

On the way back he questioned me about Mr Symmonds. This was the real reason he asked me to go with him. One of the guys from the store would have helped him load up.

I told him exactly what I had told Sue the night before, which she must have already explained to him. He didn’t seem too surprised, but his reaction was different from his wife’s.

“He’s supposed to be quite good. I’ll speak to him this afternoon. I think he wanted to see you again next Wednesday after school.”

“But Sue said I wouldn’t have to see him again.”

“Robbie, this is supposed to be for your benefit. You're making it sound like it’s something bad.”

“The guy threatened me. That’s bad isn’t it?”

“Let me talk to him. Obviously, he can’t do that.”

Instead of going home he pulled into a garage and drove around the back where a young guy in overalls directed him onto a ramp.

‘Mr Lube! He’s having a laugh’.

“Why are we here?”

“I need an oil change. It shouldn’t take too long.” He climbed out, but I remained where I was staring out the window. “They can’t do it with you in the car, Robbie.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

He walked around the front apologising to the mechanic for holding him up, before opening the door for me. “I do believe you, which is why I want to talk to him first. Now, please get out of the car so they can do their job.”

I unfastened my seat-belt and walked over to the customer waiting room to help myself to their complimentary beverages and watch them ramp up the car. The young mechanic was nice looking with blond hair and a cute smile. He was sharing a joke with Don and seemed to be doing the lion’s share of the work while his tubby, older workmate walked around with a clipboard. It was hardly a pit-stop, but they did whatever they had to do in under half-an-hour like it said on the poster.

As I walked back to the car, the young guy smiled at me. He had a bit of grease on his cheek which he probably didn’t know about, but it kind of suited him. Like the war paint the American football players wear. I smiled back at him and then held my breath as he walked over to me.

“You go to Stephenson, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Thought I recognised you. I graduated last year.”

His eyes were gorgeous, and he had beautiful teeth with sweet-smelling breath.

“I don’t remember you.” I felt awkward, panicked and nervous. Unsure of what to say and sure he would see through my thin disguise. Soon he would realise his mistake. I wasn’t so nice up close and way too young for him.

If he was disappointed, then he didn’t show it, and his smile didn’t falter as he looked right into my eyes making me squirm under his scrutiny. He must have known about me, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Maybe he was the same.

I wasn’t expecting to be approached by a hot-looking guy while out shopping with Don. I regretted not dressing a little better or brushing my hair before we left. Unsure what to say, I tried to look interested and as cute as I could until he callously shattered my dreams.

“I know your sister; can you give her a message for me?”

I wanted to tell Mr Lube to fuck off, but instead, I held out my hand as he wrote down a phone number for me to give to Nicola.

“Is that it?”

“Yeah, just tell her Mike was asking about her and tell her to give me a call.” He winked at me and patted me on the shoulder before walking away. “Thanks, kid.”

‘Kid’!

“Do you know him?” asked Don as he walked past to get in the car.

“No, Nicola does though.”

“He’s a nice boy. Good-manners. I like him.”

I wondered if he would be saying the same thing if it was me who he was interested in instead of Nicola. It wasn’t fair; she already had a boyfriend. I sulked all the way home, while Don sang along to the Bee Gees.

When we were parked in the garage, he turned to me and put his hand on my shoulder making me flinch.

“Look, Robbie, I know what day it is today,” he said solemnly. He tried to comfort me with a smile, but it just made me feel worse. “She was my sister. I think about her all the time.”

I doubted if that was true. He never talked about her to me.

“It doesn’t matter, she’s not here anymore.”

“Who knows what happens when we die. I’ve been thinking. You know we always used to go to church. You remember the pastor who visited us a while back. He’s been asking us to join him, and I think it might be a good idea.”

“You want to go to church?” My expression said quite clearly he was mad and I really believed it. Don had never shown me even so much as a glimpse of religious intent.

“No,” he said. “I want us to go to church, the whole family. I think it will do us all a lot of good. Provide us with some moral guidance.”

“This is where you found Mr Symmonds. He’s from the church isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is, but hear me out, Robbie. They’re good people, and they want to help. I’m willing to give it a try if you are. It’s a couple of hours a week that could change your life. It’s worked for other people.”

I had heard enough and opened the door, but he stopped me.

‘Nicola’s right. He’s the one who needs help’.

“Think about it, Robbie.”

When I finally managed to get out of the car, I was met by a barefoot Alex. He was wearing a t-shirt and rubbing his arms while hopping around on the cold concrete floor.

“Geez, it’s freezing out here.”

I giggled at him. “Maybe you should put some clothes on. What are you doing in the garage anyway?”

“Sue asked me to help carry something for your dad. How are you feeling now?”

“Better than you by the look of it. Thanks for saving me from drowning yesterday.”

“I totally wrecked the door, man. Sorry.”

“I think it was cool. Alex.” I smiled at him then left him to carry the snow blower.

When I got indoors, everyone was suddenly super friendly to me. Sue wanted to make me some lunch. Whatever I fancied. While Nicola insisted on making me a hot drink and even offered to bring it downstairs to me. I viewed her suspiciously. A few months ago, I would have been accusing her of trying to poison me.

“Some guy called Mike asked me to give you his phone number, he wants you to call him.” She seemed excited, asking me about him as she grabbed the piece of paper from me. I wondered what happened to Jimmy. I hadn’t seen him in a while.

“What does he look like?”

“He’s got blond hair with kinda steely grey-blue eyes and a gorgeous, dreamy smile that makes you go weak at the knees.” Sue stopped chopping vegetables to give me a strange look, so I continued. “He’s a bit taller than me; not too muscly, but fit, you know what I mean?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Nicola. “Did you get a look at his ass.”

“Nicola!” objected Sue, but we both ignored her.

“Nah, he was wearing overalls, but he’s got a sexy body.”

“Thanks.” She put the telephone number in her pocket and went to make me a drink. “Don’t you think it’s cool that me and Robbie share the same taste in boys, Mom?”

I smiled and walked away. There were times when I really loved my new sister.

“Oh, by the way. He works at Mr Lube.”

‘If there were any justice in this world, that guy would have been born gay. He was made for me’.

In the basement, Daniel was watching hockey highlights from the night before, but as I walked past, he switched channels to a live Premier League game.

“There’s a soccer game on if you wanna watch it. Chelsea are playing Mun. Whoever are they?”

“Manchester United. No, thanks. I’ll pass on that.”

‘Is this because it’s my mom’s birthday. Has everyone been instructed to be nice to me today’?

It seemed likely that Sue had held an impromptu meeting while I was out with Don. It was so transparent, but while I didn’t object to them being pleasant to me, I didn’t want their sympathy either. That’s not what it was about. I didn’t feel any worse today I did any other day.

They still didn’t quite get it and probably never would.

“What about Southampton against Liverpool?” said Daniel.

“What about them?”

“They’re playing on the other channel.”

I stood in the doorway and shook my head. Sometimes it made me laugh. When I was in England—a place where everyone wants to watch football—it was impossible to see a live game on TV without an expensive subscription to a satellite channel. Yet in North America—where hardly anyone watched the sport—they seemed to show most of the games live on the regular channels. It didn’t make any sense at all. Nobody cared about football in Canada, they considered it a girl’s sport.

Any game that didn’t allow you to punch another player in the face was considered a girl’s sport and Alex proved my point when he came running downstairs to ask Daniel why he wasn’t watching the hockey highlights.

“They show the ten best fights of the week,” he said jumping on the couch and punching my brother on the arm.

That pissed me off even more. I was jealous, Alex hadn’t punched me like that in ages, and I wondered if he even still liked me enough to want to beat me up. Daniel seemed to be his new best buddy now. They had become quite friendly since Alex moved in, pushing my brother up the cool list at school.

I sat in my room listening to them interacting and laughing, before switching on my computer. Nathan’s memory stick was still in the drive. No one ever used my computer, but if they did, they could have easily been treated to a private viewing of my ex-boyfriend beating himself off. That would not have gone down well; except maybe with Alex.

I removed the stick and threw it into my drawer just as Nicola walked in with my drink and a sandwich I didn’t ask for. She never missed a trick.

“What was on the memory stick, porn?”

‘How does she do that?’

“Like I would ever get an opportunity around here to look at porn.”

She laughed. “I know, it’s always so busy down here. How do you guys even find the time to jerk off?”

I turned my head to stare at her.

‘Is she really expecting me to answer that’?

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not being rude.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m not, it’s perfectly normal.”

“Not to talk about it, it isn’t.”

“Oh, so you can do it, but just don’t talk about it.”

“That’s right. Especially to a girl who happens to be your sister.”

“You're so stuffy sometimes.”

“I’m English, I’m supposed to be stuffy.”

“You're not English, you just lived there for a while.”

It made me think. I turned my chair around to face her. “Nicola, how well do you remember when I left for England?”

“Not that well, why?”

“Do you remember where I was living?”

“Yes, you were living with us. You and your mom. I thought you knew that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally, you can ask mom. Why is it suddenly important?”

“No reason. It was just a stupid dream, that’s all. Did you call Mr Lube?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know what happens.”

“Please don’t. I’ll only get jealous.” I laughed. “When he came over to talk, I thought he was interested in me.”

She thought it was funny. “You poor thing, but you’ve only been single for like a few weeks. I’m sure you can manage on your own for a while.”

“Forever, you mean. We both know there are hardly any gay people in Cobourg.”

“There are some, you just have to look. I’m sure something will come up.” I laughed at her choice of words, and she slapped my arm. “You're only sixteen for goodness sake. You're still only a boy. You can jerk off if you feel the urge. Daniel seems to manage okay.”

“Are you just trying to embarrass me?”

“I’m trying to have an adult conversation. It’s not my fault you can’t talk about it.”

I shook my head. “Okay, I don’t mind. We can discuss wanking if you want. I can even demonstrate some techniques.” I reached into my pocket, making her jump back.

“Don’t you dare! I don’t wanna see your… techniques, thank you.” She walked out passing a bemused Daniel, who was standing in the doorway.

“What was all that about?”

“I dunno. What happened to Jimmy?”

“They split up last week. Didn’t you know?”

“No one told me.”

I wondered how Nicola could be so unaffected by something like that. She probably didn’t have any feelings for the guy, but even so, it still seemed strange. They were having sex, so there had to be some love there, surely. I wished I could be more like her and go out and find my own Mr Lube to shag for a few weeks, before moving on.

But I wasn’t, because as much as I tried to deny it. I still loved Nathan.