The Cockney Canuck - 65. Chapter 65 The Longest Day

“Robbie has done remarkably well, and we’re very pleased with his progress. He’s made a few friends and proved himself to be a capable and popular student.” It sounded as if Mr Andrews was reading from a script, but I was happy to accept his candy-coated compliments as we played hosts to the school principle and his young wife.

Nicola, unimpressed by his laudatory remarks, rolled her eyes at me from across the dinner table, but I had put a lot of effort into improving my grades and was proud of my achievements. She didn’t like it because she saw me as a fraud who was undeserving of such praise. Nicola was a year ahead of me, she was a good student and her grades were generally better than mine, but she wasn’t an orphan from a broken home, who had been living at friend’s house to avoid being taken into care. Don’s carefully worded narrative had me feeling more like a refugee than a kid with a sizable trust fund waiting for me and a property in Central London. It was a little rich, even for my tastes and it wasn’t wearing on Nicola, who looked as if she was about to throw up as she asked to be excused from the table.

“Oh dear, don’t tell me that you’re sick as well. Robbie was unwell earlier,” Sue explained to the principal. “How are you feeling now dear?”

“Better thanks,” I replied, tucking into my roast beef. “I think the sleep did me good.”

“Yeah, it helps to have more than one hour a night,” said Daniel. Those were the first words that he had spoken to me all day, but I would have preferred it if he hadn’t of bothered. His unexpected contribution flew straight over the heads of everyone else at the table but cut through me like a hot knife through butter. I turned on the boy sitting next to me with raised eyebrows, but he flicked his eyes to mine only momentarily before going back to his plate. It wasn’t the affable Daniel who normally sat beside me. He was visibly upset and uncomfortable, and it set off alarm bells as I swallowed my food and began dissecting his comment.

‘Was he awake last night, did he hear us…why would he even say that’?

He had been in a foul mood since I got back from Rory’s house and this seemed to explain why, but I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t said anything to me that morning or why he hadn’t confronted Nathan about it after I had left. Had he known, then I was sure that my boyfriend would have called to warn me. It seemed unlikely that he would have kept this to himself, but Daniel, even after all these months, was still an unknown quantity.

My bad day was continuing where it had left off earlier at Rory’s house and I would be glad to see the back of it. The principles comments had clearly been way off target when he had described me as being popular. I was becoming adept at destroying friendships. Two in one day so far, and it wasn’t as if I had that many to start with either; losing two friends would leave me with only one.

Daniel had remained tight-lipped as I helped him clear the table while the adults talked over coffee, and despite my attempts to catch his eye, he barely looked in my direction, refusing to offer me even a crumb of information. I hated the silent treatment and would have preferred it if he had just told me outright what was bothering him, so I decided to prompt him into action, hoping that he would be able to get it off his chest.

“I’m not upset,” was his answer after I had cornered him in the kitchen. His face said otherwise and he was a poor liar, but it left me with little choice other than to let it go and wait until he was ready to say something. Once again, I was left wondering whether I had been a little too sensitive and jumping to the wrong conclusions. I was in need of some genuine reassurance, other than the highly glossed words of praise from Mr Andrews, which I doubted that even he believed, so I turned to a more dependable source.

“I did have my doubts about him you know,” said Nathan and I nearly jumped down his throat.

“No, you didn’t,” I said, “that’s crap. You were flirting with him last night.”

“No, I wasn’t. Not real flirting anyway; I wouldn’t do that, not with you there…only joking.”

“It’s not funny.”

“Maybe Rory isn’t being entirely honest with you, ever thought of that?” said Nathan.

“What, you think he’s telling me porky’s?”

“Wait a minute. Porky’s you say…let me guess…a porky is a lie, right?”

“Yes,” I sighed as I sat down on the grass at the bottom of the garden, expecting this to turn into a long conversation.

“Porky. Okay, porky what? Porky pig…pork chop…pork pie…that’s it!” He sounded excited and it made me laugh. “Pork pie is the cockney slang for a lie?” he said.

“Well done,” I said, “I’ll ask Mr Andrews if he can change that ‘B’ you got to an ‘A’ for you.”

“Is he still there?”

“I think.”

“You poor thing,” he said, “having the principal come to your house sucks.”

“Having you come to my house sucks too.”

“Who sucks more?” he said.

“I think you’d take some beating…you’re getting pretty good at it. Oh, and err…it was kinda cool what we did last night too…you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, “I liked it as well.”

“I could tell…you’re okay though, right…what I mean is…well, you know?”

“Yes I know what you mean and I’m fine honestly. Thank you, you’re very sweet.”

“I just don’t wanna ever hurt you, that’s all.”

“Don’t worry,” he said, “if you had hurt me you’d have known all about it.”

“That’s just it Nathan, I don’t think I would.”

“Shutup, I wasn’t that loud…was I?”

“I dunno, I don’t think so. I’m a little worried about Daniel that’s all.”

“Look, I think you’re worrying over nothing. I know you’re he’s your…whatever he is, but I know him better than you, and if he suspected us of doing anything, then he would definitely have said something to me this morning. He was moody today after you left, but you know what he’s like, sometimes he gets all quiet and grumpy over nothing.”

“Well, I hope you’re right,” I said.

“Of course I am. Aren’t I always?”

“No, you were way off target with Rory.”

“I’m not so sure,” he said, “how many girlfriends has he had?”

“None, as far as I know.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“You’re talking a load of rubbish, that doesn’t mean anything, he’s shy. Daniel hasn’t had a girlfriend either, but he’s not gay.” It was starting to get dark as I stood up and started walking back to the house.

“I’m only trying to help,” he said.

“Help who, me, him or you?”

“Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s okay Nathan, I just had a really bad day…it was a dumb thing for me to do. I like Rory; and when I think about it, it really doesn’t make any difference to me whether he’s gay or straight, as long as he’s my friend. I hope he can forget about this.”

“He won’t forget about it,” he said, “if Rory’s as cool as you say he is, then he’s not gonna look back on this day as something really bad like you think it is. Things will be a bit different between the two of you, but not necessarily in a bad way. I’m sorry Robbie, I shouldn’t get involved, and I don’t want you to be angry with me. I don’t really know Rory that well, but if he’s your best friend then I wanna be his friend too because I wanna be with you for a long time. Okay?” He sounded upset, which in turn upset me forcing me into a quick u-turn for the back of the garden.

“How long exactly were you thinking?”

“Longer than you think.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“A lot longer than you think.”

“I can think pretty long,” I said, “longer than you can, probably.”

“Well, maybe there will be a time when we won’t have to sneak into your shower in the middle of the night because we’ll have our own shower? And then we can do what we did last night, whenever we want, and be as loud as we want.”

It took a while for his words to sink in but when they did I was happy to believe them and allow myself at least a few hours respite from my usual self-induced paranoia. As for his reference to our shower antics; I still wasn’t convinced that I was cut out for the role that Nathan had assigned me, but it was an encouraging start, and my efforts had been well-received by a boy who had his face pressed up against the glass door of the shower. My previous relationship with Fran had given me some experience of penetration, but I had always been led to the front entrance. Nathan’s cute little butt was enticing but it was unchartered territory for me and at first, that tiny passage looked too narrow to negotiate without causing some kind of serious damage. With painful memories of Alex still fresh in my mind; I had turned back twice from the brink certain that it wouldn’t work before Nathan took the helm and was able to gently steer the ship into dock.

It had been his idea to go all the way, but my previous experience with Tom had been strictly limited to playing wide receiver, and that was my position of choice. Nathan saw things differently though and used his charm, a bottle of hand lotion from the cupboard, and a couple of tiny gifts to twist my arm. I was wondering why my boyfriend was carrying condoms in his school bag, but I couldn’t fault him for being prepared, and when he handed me one in the shower, his intentions were pretty clear. When he handed me another a little while later, I was happy to do an encore, but when he told me that he had twelve packets at home, I began asking questions.

“Don’t laugh, but my dad bought them for me,” he said. “He tried to leave them in my room, but I caught him.” Nathan thought that it was quite funny, and it was, but I also thought that it was a pretty cool thing for a dad to do, and it worked. With a history of two virgins and a heavily wrapped Alex, I was quite certain that I was clean, and Nathan had never so much as kissed anyone else before. It didn’t matter, it was a good habit to get into and I could see no advantage at all in not wearing one. It was cleaner and safer for us both and I was beginning to warm up to his dad.

* * * * *

On Sunday, Daniel’s mood had improved enough to warrant a mumbled reply to my cheery good morning, but it still stopped short of anything remotely friendly. I had no idea what had caused this sudden change in personality, and despite Nathan’s assurances, I was beginning to fear the worst. His comments at the dinner table and the previous night, coupled with the look of impending doom on his face, were enough evidence to convince me that my brother-to-be knew more about us than Nathan was prepared to believe.

It looked as if my yesterday’s bad day was set to roll over into today, so on the advice of my ever accommodating boyfriend, I packed my bag and headed off to Hillcrest Avenue for some slightly dysfunctional family time. It was a full house and when I arrived I was introduced to Nathan’s aunt, uncle, and two cousins, before coming across a more familiar face belonging to his effervescent sister, Karen.

“Hiya sweetie, how’s my favourite brother-in-law?” she said followed by the same cheeky grin that Nathan always did so well. It was a term that she had used for me before and I liked it.

“Fine,” I replied, plonking myself down on the sofa next to her. There was something about Karen that made me feel comfortable around her, even though we hadn’t known each other for very long. She was safe; friendly and trusting, and she already knew me better than any of my own family. The possible exception to this now was Daniel and she was quick to extract this information from me.

“He’s gonna find out anyway,” she said, “you may as well come clean to him, he’s your brother.”

“Yeah but he’s also Nathan’s friend, he won’t like it, I know he won’t.”

She patted me on the knee and pulled a sulky face. “Aww sweetie, you worry too much about what other people think. Daniel will be okay after a while. I’ve known him for years, don’t forget. He used to sleep over here all the time, and I know that he’s got a soft spot for me.”

“What?”

“He’s always had a little crush on me,” she said, “I think it’s cute, but he’s like my little brother, you know?”

I nodded and smiled. “I don’t blame him,” I said, “if I wasn’t madly in love with your brother, then I would probably feel the same way.” She gave me a playful slap on the arm, but I think she liked the comment.

“This is more like the Robbie that Nathan talks about,” she said. “He’s always telling me that you make him laugh.”

“He is?”

“If you can make my brother laugh Robbie, then you can do no wrong. It’s the key to his heart, sweetie. But I don’t have to tell you that do I? Looks like you’ve already got that.”

“Err, I dunno. Do I?”

“Uh huh, now what did you say that gave you away to Daniel or did he catch you guys doing naughties?” She winked and elbowed me in the ribs as I blushed. “He did, didn’t he? Did he catch you guys kissing, nothing worse I hope?”

“Leave my boyfriend alone,” said Nathan as he marched in after talking to his relatives. “We weren’t caught doing anything, we’re too discreet for that, aren’t we?” He sat down on the arm of the sofa next to me and leaned across to kiss me slowly on the lips. It lasted for a good ten seconds and we both giggled as he pulled away and sat upright with a huge grin on his red face. Karen sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Err, yes,” I said, “we’re really careful about stuff like that. You know…we don’t like taking risks.” Nathan burst into laughter as I said that, before putting his arm around my shoulder and swinging his legs across my lap.

“We never take risks,” Nathan repeated. Then he lowered his head again for another extended kiss as his hand cupped the side of my face.

“Ah hum, we have company boys.” Nathan jumped at the sound of his dad behind us, then giggled as he climbed off me with a comical look of apology.

“Sorry dad, Robbie had something in his eye. I was just getting it out for him,” he said unconvincingly, but I was too embarrassed to look up.

His dad laughed. “I’m sure you were, son,” he said, “but best not to get it out in front of our guests eh.” I laughed with Nathan and Karen at his dad’s unexpected injection of comedy. It was probably the first genuinely funny thing that he had said in the time that I had known him, but it helped defuse a potentially difficult situation. It was one of those moments that most fathers, I was sure, would have got wrong or handled badly, but by turning it into a joke he was able to get his message across, without being angry or embarrassed. I thought it was cool and it earned him a few more stars in my book.

Nathan’s house had become a safe zone for us, where we were able to drop our guard and relax without having to worry about slipping up. We were allowed to hold hands, hug, and share the occasional kiss, as long as we didn’t go too far, although no one was able to actually define the meaning of ‘too far’. His dad described them as ‘common sense rules’, and I was beginning to understand how they worked.

Nathan and I had broken those rules whenever presented with the opportunity and an empty house, but his parents must have known that we were experimenting with sex because he had caught his dad leaving a dozen packets of condoms in his room. It went way beyond the usual Santa Claus games that normal parents play at Christmas, but I couldn’t help being impressed when Nathan took me up to his room that afternoon to show me his newly acquired collection of rubbers.

“Can you really eat these?” I asked holding up a packet for inspection.

“They’re chocolate flavoured,” he said, “but you’re not supposed to eat them. I have strawberry as well here somewhere.”

“Of course you do, who doesn’t.”

“And these look really cool,” he said, “they’re ribbed…they got like little bumps on them…like you know?” I shook my head as I studied the box and tried to work out why. “I’ll show you, the next time we get some alone time.”

I looked at the multi-coloured selection of packages spread out on his bed. “Your dad must think we’re rabbits,” I said, “I can’t believe that they’re okay with this.”

“They’re not okay with it,” he said. “They’ve both told me that we’re too young to be having sex.”

“Then why this?” I said pointing to the assortment of johnnies.

“I dunno, maybe it just makes them feel better knowing that if I were to ever give in to your persistent pressure to get into my shorts, then at least I would be safe. Don’t take that the wrong way either, that doesn’t mean that they think you’re….”

“I get it…I think it’s pretty cool actually.”

“Yeah,” he said, “my parents are pretty cool.”

“How many have you got?”

“Just the two,” he said smiling, “mom and dad.”

“I meant how many condoms, dickhead.”

“A hundred-and-ninety-four, altogether,” he said laughing, “but we used two on Friday.”

“Shit, we’re going through them quick, can you get him to order some more, we don’t wanna run out?”

“I know right; my dad goes over the top with everything.”

“You should ask him to get us some lube,” I said, “six bottles should do for now. Oh and some furry handcuffs, and one of those fake rubber pussies.”

“Why would you want one of those?”

“Err…to keep my beer cold?”

“You’re too young to drink.”

“I’m too young to be having sex too, but look at all these.”

“I know right, so how about one of these instead?” he said as he held up a packet with a picture of a ridiculously large plastic looking dildo.

“Fuck me.”

“Exactly,” he said.

“What? No way. Don’t even think about it.”

“Why should I have all the fun?” he said but he was joking as he began putting the packets of condoms back into a big shoe box.

“Actually Nathan, there’s something that I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” I said slowly. “And this is probably a good time.” His smile faded as he sensed the apprehension in my voice, and I tried to remember the words that I had practised earlier. “You see when I said to you that I had done this…you know, what we were doing the other night.”

“Gay sex,” he said loudly and I instinctively looked towards the door in a panic.

“Do you wanna say that any louder?” I said. “I don’t think they heard you downstairs.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah well….”

“You did it with Tom, didn’t you?”

“Are you gonna let me finish?” He zipped his lips with his fingers and nodded with a smile. “Yes,” I said, “with Tom, but what we did on Friday was the first time that I’ve done it that way.”

He gave me a blank look as he tried to work it out and then tilted his head at me as if searching for a clue, before opening his eyes wide and dropping his jaw. “Oh…you mean?”

I nodded. “I was always at the bottom.”

“Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me, I’m sorry I never even thought to ask. I just assumed that you would be…you know. I don’t know why…I’m so sorry baby.”

“Look, it doesn’t matter,” I said, “I enjoyed it the other night didn’t I? I’m very versatile you know.”

“I know you are, sweetie, but you should have said. I don’t mind putting one of these on if you want, it’ll be fun. I didn’t think you’d like it that’s all.”

I was starting to feel a little embarrassed by the whole thing and he could see it, Nathan had come a long way in a short period of time. “We’ll see,” I said, “I just wanted you to know that I’m still kind of a novice as far as that’s concerned. Anyway, can we talk about something else please?”

“Embarrassed?”

“Very.”

“Ha, you’re funny.”

* * * * *

I could feel the sun’s heat biting at my leg even as we waited for the school bus. It was my first Ontario summer and I was getting used to the warm bright days and humid nights. I liked wearing shorts every day, a baseball cap to shield my eyes, and sneakers without socks. I was slowly changing into a North American kid and even my vocabulary was now riddled with words that six months ago would have been foreign to me.

“Today is the summer soltace,” said Rory as we walked to the cafeteria. “It’s the longest day of the year for daylight.” After a tentative start to the day, it felt as if he was trying hard to put Saturday’s madness behind him and so far, neither of us had breached the subject. He still seemed a little distant, and our friendship had inevitably suffered some damage, but Rory’s good nature and ability to bounce back quickly from setbacks gave me a reason to believe that it could be repaired. I thought that Nathan was right when he said that things would be different between us but not in a bad way, and I wanted to believe that I had done the right thing by talking to Rory. He would have found out eventually anyway, along with everyone else in the school and by that time it may have been too late.

At lunch though, we were forced to sit a little closer to Nathan’s table than I would have liked, and after a few not-so-subtle glances to my boyfriend, it was Rory who broke our unofficial silence.

“I don’t know why you don’t just go and sit with him,” he said, “I know you want to.” It probably did seem odd, but our self-imposed separation wasn’t because of Rory.

“There are reasons why we keep our distance at lunchtime,” I said, although I wasn’t about to get bogged down explaining about Jake and his merry men.

“It seems silly you sitting apart in the same room, that’s all.”

“We don’t have to be together all the time.” He hunched his shoulders and focused on his carton of drink, twiddling with the straw as I sat back with my arms folded and watched his rather nervous display.

“So…do you guys err…?

‘Don’t go there Rory, please’.

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, “it’s kinda personal and you probably don’t wanna talk about it.” I didn’t but for him, I was willing to make an exception.

“It’s okay Rory, what do you wanna know?” I said and I managed to drag a brief smile from him as he peered out from under his golden fringe.

“Do you ever…like…do you guys go out on dates and stuff?”

I should have known that Rory’s personal question would turn out to be totally lame, and I laughed as he lifted his eyes off the table to question my reaction.

“Sorry,” I said, and then cleared my throat. “Not really, I wish we could but it’s kinda difficult to go anywhere in Cobourg without someone spotting you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. This town isn’t very gay-friendly is it.”

“I dunno, there’s a lot of old people here, but Nathan seems to have done okay.”

“Yeah,” I could tell there was more to come. “It was him you were seeing wasn’t it?” He looked over his shoulder and then back at me, but I was slow to pick up on his question. “When you asked me to cover for you that time, you were with Nathan.”

“Yes, I probably should have told you then, no one asked you though did they?” He shook his head and sat up straight. “So do you think England will be on their way home after Wednesday?” It was to be their final game of the group stage in South Africa, and following two draws, they needed to win against Slovenia to stay in the competition and I needed to know if I was still going to be welcome at Rory’s house to watch the game.

“I think they’ll win,” he said boldly. “You’re still coming over aren’t you.”

“Yeah, of course, I am, if you don’t mind?”

“Robbie, I’m not gonna stop being your friend you know…just because we support different teams.” I liked his analogy as much as his answer. In soccer, we had always supported different teams, but it had never threatened our friendship if anything it gave us a better perspective of the game.

It was a sign that things were going to be okay with my friend and it made me smile for the rest of the day. The only thing that hadn’t been mentioned was my planned sleepover at the weekend. I had been waiting for him to mention it, but I could understand him being hesitant and he obviously needed a little more time. I had been trying to get out of this for weeks, but now I was hoping that he wouldn’t feel the need to cancel or postpone. I decided to give him a couple of days and if he didn’t mention it in this time then I would help him out of a sticky situation by cancelling it myself.

Whatever happened I was still convinced that I had finally made the right decision.

‘Who knows, maybe Daniel will be the same if I just tell him’?

I was getting fed up of his moody behaviour at home and the idea of revealing everything was building momentum, although, I knew that Nathan would urge on the side of caution.

After my final lesson, I sent him a text to find out what his plans were for that evening before grabbing some books from my locker and heading for the stairs. The glass fronted stairwell faced out towards the front of the school where the yellow buses were lined up nose to tail waiting for their ‘precious cargo’ as they would call us.

The glare from the afternoon sun was filtered by the tinted windows, but it was still bright and shining directly on my face as I held up my phone to retrieve Nathan’s quick reply.

I was nearly halfway down the final flight of stairs; it was busy and I was holding people up as focusing more on my phone than where I was going. I was on the inside, next to the handrails, moving slowly, when something hit me hard from behind, knocking me off balance and throwing me forward. I could hear myself groan as I was winded and for a moment I was airborne.

With my hands instinctively out in front of me to protect my face, it was my knee that hit first jarring against one of the steps. My outstretched arms cushioned my landing but they couldn’t stop the slide and the momentum carried them underneath me as I rolled over, hitting my chin and then my head on the steps before coming to rest at the bottom of the stairs on my back.

I could hear a lot of shouting, but I don’t think that I hit anyone. Embarrassed, I tried to pick myself off the floor and a boy grabbed my arm to try to help me, but my head was hurting and I felt dizzy.

‘I’m okay, just a little shaken up. I’ll be alright if I get up and walk around a bit. Fucking stairs. What happened…something hit me or someone’?

There were more voices and I could hear someone telling the boy not to lift me. There was girl kneeling beside me, telling me to lie back down and I could see the top of the stairwell two floors above. It had happened so fast that I hadn’t had time to work out how or why. It felt as if something had landed on me like a wall had collapsed behind me.

I heard a girl shouting and an older boy was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I lifted my head to look at my knee which was stinging, I was only wearing shorts, but there was no blood, just a graze.

‘I need to get on the bus, I’ll be okay when I get home’.

Now my mouth was hurting; it felt swollen and there was a familiar taste in it. It was blood; I tried to lift myself up, but someone was holding me down. A girl who I didn’t recognise.

‘I’m gonna miss the bus, but I’ll be okay in a bit. I’ll get a cab’.

I tried to talk but I couldn’t, the blood was running down the back of my throat. More people talking, I was choking. Someone was pulling me; a man was shouting. Someone’s fingers were in my mouth. I was on my side, coughing, spitting blood.

My head hurt and I shut my eyes and moaned. I was dizzy and felt tired.

‘Maybe I’m not okay after all. I feel sick again. I need to go home’.

There was a lot of commotion around me and now that my eyes were closed, I could hear them better. I recognised some of the voices. Nicola was the loudest, but for once I was pleased to hear her.

“THAT’S MY BROTHER,” she shouted, and I could hear her closing in. “LET ME THROUGH, IT’S MY BROTHER. OUTTA THE WAY. His name’s Robbie, he’s my brother, he’s in grade ten!” Her distressed voice was familiar and almost soothing to me, although I doubt if anyone else felt that way. “Are you okay, who was it Robbie, did Jake do this? DID ANYONE SEE WHO PUSHED HIM?”

There was a man’s voice calming her down, he had been there from the beginning. I was able to open my eyes as I felt somebody lift my head and put something under it, a pillow of some sort. It felt better. Nicola looked worried as she stared at my face, and it scared me.

‘I must look pretty bad’.

“You look terrible,” she said and I wanted to kill her. “If Jake did this to you, Robbie, I swear he’s gonna regret this.” I didn’t know if it was Jake or not; up until then, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I might have been pushed. It felt like something had fallen on me, something big and solid.

‘Maybe it was Jake’.

“Where’s my phone?” Those were the first words that I had been able to speak. I could hear a boy behind me, he had picked it up, but it was broken. I hadn’t heard it drop.

Nicola took what was left of my phone and put it in her bag. “I can probably fix it,” she said, but that’s not what I wanted to hear.

I tried once more to get up but was told by the man that I had to stay and wait for the paramedics. I could recognise his voice now, he was a teacher, English, I think. He had been the one with his fingers down my throat. He had turned me onto my side, where I was sick. The recovery position.

I would have preferred to have gone home, but I knew that wouldn’t be allowed. Not before being checked out by the paramedics, who were there within a couple of minutes. The first; a young black guy with a reassuring smile, knelt down in front of me. He had a calm voice and he told me that I was going to be okay as he felt around my neck and looked into my eyes. Then he told me that they were going to take me to the hospital.

‘Maybe I won’t be going home after all’.