The Cockney Canuck - 103. Chapter 103 The Painful Truth

It was a warm Friday afternoon and the first dry day in a wet and miserable week. After Tom’s visit and all the excitement surrounding my birthday and adoption, my life had returned to nearly normal. I liked the security that came with routine but I missed my chirpy Cockney friend and once again, his departure had left a huge gap which was impossible to fill. Ten days was nowhere near enough time to revive a friendship that had been neglected for eight months, and we had only just started to slip back into our comfort zone when he had to leave. Another week and we would have been inseparable, but it would have been twice as difficult to say goodbye. It still seemed so unfair that we were forced to live separate lives.

We promised to keep in regular contact and had already spoken twice on Skype, but so far I hadn’t been able to talk to him alone. Now that Nicola, Daniel, and Alex were also his friends, they wanted in on the conversations, making it difficult for me to ask him about Nathan.

I could have used more conventional means of communication like the telephone perhaps, or email. Maybe I didn’t really want to know what Tom overheard. I was happy to be kept in the dark. Ignorance was bliss, so I didn’t put much effort into finding out.

While Tom’s warning at the airport played on my mind, it wasn’t enough to convince me of impending doom. Nathan was a complex character, who liked to play by different rules. His outlandish style got him noticed but it also invited gossip and as a result, he was often misjudged by those who didn’t know him.

Nathan enjoyed ruffling a few feathers and was confident enough to be able to shrug off any criticism. It’s what made him so infallible. He was a flirt, for sure but he wasn’t doing it behind my back. It was just a game to him and I wasn’t sure if Tom quite understood that.

Even after his departure, the house was still busy and it was impossible to get any time alone. That afternoon, it was Nicola’s turn to bring home a friend. Stephanie had come straight from school to help her with an English project and was sleeping over. She was probably the nicest of my sister’s friends and the only one who I really liked. She was also David’s older sister—the cute boy from my homeroom who was now dating my ex-girlfriend, Fran.

Stephanie wasn’t as tall as her younger brother but shared his good looks with a slightly chubbier face, and shoulder length, dark brown hair. Also, unlike many of the girls in school, she didn’t smother her face with cosmetics and looked a lot better and healthier for it.

I was tired and grumpy as I followed the girls into the house and kicked off my shoes. When they ducked into the kitchen, I dragged myself into the dining room and slumped down at the table resting my head on my forearms.

“How was school, dear?” Sue didn’t stop to hear my response as she glided past on her way to the kitchen. It was more of a greeting than a question and didn’t necessitate an answer. I knew she wouldn’t be listening anyway.

“Great, we’re studying fornication.”

“That’s nice, honey.”

I giggled to myself and lifted my head when I heard Nicola and Stephanie doing the same. It encouraged me to continue the joke.

“Yeah, it’s very nice. I’m really enjoying it. I got some homework to do.”

“Well, off you go then.”

“You don’t mind?” I chuckled.

“Of course, I don’t mind.”

“Well, can I ask Nathan over to help me? Only I can’t do it on my own.”

It made the girls laugh but put Sue in a difficult position; she already had a house full of kids and was finding it hard to cope. Nicola came to her rescue.

“Mom, it’s a joke. Didn’t you hear what he said? He’s making fun of you.” I denied my sister’s accusation and pleaded innocence, but to no avail. I was told Nathan would have to wait until tomorrow. It was the new house rules; only one friend staying over at a time. At least while Alex and Luke were there.

It didn’t matter. I hadn’t made any arrangements with Nathan anyway and that week we had only seen each other in school at lunchtimes.

“Looks like you're gonna have to do your homework on your own,” said Nicola. She joined me in the dining room, formed a circle with her thumb and forefinger and shook her wrist in my face to mimic a boy jerking off. I was impressed, it looked as if she had plenty of experience in that particular skill.

“Yeah, you wish,” I mumbled and Nicola took the bait.

“Wish what?”

“You had one to play with.”

She didn’t take my comment well. “No, I don’t. I wouldn’t want a penis. They’re gross and disgusting.”

This was news to me and I wondered if she had looked between her own legs lately.

“Better than what you’ve got.”

“I wouldn’t want something like that hanging between my legs, thank you. I’m glad I’m not a boy. You can shove your penis up.” She turned just in time to see Sue lurking behind her. “Up wherever you want.”

Stephanie winced. “Ouch, that sounds painful.”

“Boys are ruled by their dicks,” said Nicola. “They never stop thinking about them or playing with them. They can’t leave them alone.”

“Me neither,” added Stephanie and I had to laugh, but Sue had heard enough.

“I can’t believe you're arguing over this. You're like little children. You're stuck with whatever you got boys and girls, so put up with it. Now go away and play. You too, Robbie.”

“He would, if he could find it,” said Nicola and she pulled a face.

“That’s not what I meant,” added Sue.

“I’ve seen your little worm, Robbie,” Nicola taunted me as she walked away with her friend in tow but Stephanie always had a soft spot for me and broke ranks.

“I don’t mind helping you with your homework later, Robbie.” She winked at me before following Nicola upstairs.

Sue was smiling. “I think Stephanie likes you, Robbie. Shame she has a boyfriend.”

I was left scratching my head at her rather odd reaction to what was essentially a joke that she didn’t get. I wasn’t studying fornication but if I was, I would have much preferred Nathan’s input to Stephanie’s.

*     *     *

My boyfriend’s input, although rare, was always well-received but ironically, my sex life had completely dried up since I surpassed the legal age of consent. It was nearly two weeks since I had last squirted in anger on my birthday at the Palm Springs Motel and I was craving for a little one on one action.

Nathan must have been thinking the same thing and he called me later that evening as I was being chased around the garden by a hyperactive Luke waving a plastic sword. It was already dark outside and starting to get cold as I sat down on the deck by the pool.

“Why are you out of breath?”

“I was being chased by a pirate.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Yeah, he was trying to stick me in the ass with his sword.”

Nathan chuckled. “I gotta come and live in your house, it’s boring here in comparison. Can I come over?”

I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist being stuck in the ass by a pirate or anyone else for that matter, but I was forced to say no to him.

“It’s a bit late and Sue doesn’t want too many people in the house at the same time. Stephanie’s here tonight but you can come over tomorrow.”

“Who’s Stephanie?”

“Nicola’s friend and according to Sue, she likes me and the only thing stopping us from hooking up, is because she has a boyfriend.”

“That’s a bummer.”

“Yes.”

“Nothing to do with the fact you're gay?”

“Nope.”

“Or the fact you already have a boyfriend?”

“Not at all.”

“Or the fact that you may not even be compatible?”

“Doesn’t come into it.”

“Just her boyfriend.”

“That’s it.”

“Do you think Sue is even from this planet?”

“No.”

“Neither do I.” We shared a laugh as I dipped my hand into the pool. Mid-September, I was surprised at how cold the water was. There would be no more swimming this year.

“So will I get to see your sexy body tomorrow?”

“Sorry,” he said. “I can’t do Saturday. My dad’s taking me to an audition in Toronto and we probably won't get back until late.”

“Wow, you really are going for it. You didn’t tell me about this.”

“I didn’t mention it in school because I want to keep this one quiet. You're the only one who knows about it, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I won't say anything. Where’s the audition and who’s it for?”

“It’s for a show, but that’s all I can say at the moment.” He sounded excited and I wondered why he had kept it from me until now.

“You can tell me though, right? I could even go with you if you want. For support.” I wanted to be involved in his life. It was exciting and he was my boyfriend. I didn’t think it was asking a lot.

“I would love you to be there, you know I would. But you’d be a distraction for me.”

“I would?”

“Of course, you would. I think it’s better to keep work separate from pleasure. The two don’t really mix.” I accepted his evaluation but I didn’t particularly agree with it, and he still wouldn’t tell me what he was auditioning for.

‘Does that mean I’m never going to be allowed to see him when he’s acting’?

I was sure it didn’t usually work that way. If my boyfriend was going to work as an actor, then I wanted to be a part of it. I was beginning to wonder whether he really saw me in his future, or if I was just the here and now. Someone who could be replaced at a later date when something better and more interesting came along.

‘Maybe Tom was right after all’.

“Hello Robbie, are you still there?” Hurt by his indifference, I was tempted to put the phone down on him, but of course, I didn’t. “Robbie?”

“Yes, I’m still here.”

“What happened, did the pirate get you?”

“What? Oh, no. It’s okay, I was daydreaming. So when can we meet up?”

“Are you sure you're okay? You sound fed up.” He didn’t get it.

‘You think’?

“Yes, I’m fine. I wanna know when I can see you again or if you even want to see me again.”

There was a brief silence and then he changed his tone. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want to see you anymore? I always wanna see you. Oh my God, I can’t believe you would even think that. You're the one who told me I’m not allowed at your house. I wanted to see you tonight.” He paused briefly to slip into erotic. It was something he did so well, slowing his speech, and lowering his pitch and volume. “I was hoping we could catch up on some stuff tonight. Stuff we haven’t done in a while.” He could get whatever he wanted out of me with that voice and he knew it. “Why don’t you come over here? My parents won't mind. There’s still time.”

“Are you sure?” It was already nine o’clock and I wasn’t sure if Sue would go for it, but I agreed to ask.

“Hurry, I’m feeling super horny for you baby.”

Unsurprisingly, Sue wasn’t keen on the idea and I knew why. I was basically asking her if it was okay for me to go and shag my boyfriend. It was the only reason why I would want to go to his house so late.

“Why don’t you go in the morning? It’ll be gone ten by the time you get there tonight.”

“We want to play video games.”

“And you can’t do it during the day?”

She wasn’t comfortable with the idea but it was Don’s night out and she was stressed trying to cope with an over-excited Luke. Even Alex was having trouble controlling him.

In the end, she agreed but only after calling Nathan’s parents to confirm my story. I didn’t like her checking up on me and let her know it.

“Why did you have to do that?”

“I wanted to make sure they were at home, that’s all.”

“What difference does it make, if they’re at home or not. It’s none of your business. You're always interfering in my life. I haven’t even done anything wrong. It’s embarrassing.”

“Your life is my business, Robbie. The same as my other kids. I need to know you're telling me the truth. You’ve lied to me before.”

“YOU MAKE ME LIE!”

Our argument and my shouting had attracted an audience. Nicola and Stephanie had come downstairs and Daniel appeared from the dining room with Luke.

Sue looked angry, her face was bright red. She did well to stay calm but I had already pushed her too far and my heart sank as I waited for the verdict.

“You can stay indoors tonight now. I won't be shouted at. You’ll learn.”

I pleaded with her to change her mind. “NO! You told me I could go!”

“That was before you shouted at me.”

“No, please. I’m sorry for shouting. I didn’t mean it. I already told him I’d be there.”

“I’m not backing down, Robbie. You can stay over tomorrow.”

“NO. THIS IS SHIT!”

“Fine, you're grounded for the weekend.”

“FUCK THIS! I HATE YOU! THIS IS BOLLOCKS.”

“GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE. I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.” The house fell silent as I marched downstairs muttering to myself and punching the air. When I reached my room, I tried to slam the door but Alex grabbed it and closed it gently behind him.

“What were you shouting for?”

“Leave me alone.”

He laughed at me. It was guaranteed to make me worse and he knew it. “You gotta learn to control that temper.”

“Just leave me alone.”

“You're a cry-baby.”

“I’m not crying.”

“You look like you're crying to me.” I wasn’t crying and he knew it. I was just angry and bitterly disappointed. I was annoyed at myself for losing my temper and ruining an opportunity to spend the night with my boyfriend.

“You're stupid,” said Alex.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I sat on the bed with my head in my hands and explained what it was about.

“So you were planning on leaving me alone tonight to meet up with your camp boyfriend and do naughties.”

“That’s about it.”

“Well, at least your honest about it. Sue probably knows anyway. You gotta fix your temper before it gets you in trouble.”

I didn’t care about Alex’s advice and I wasn’t in the mood for talking.

“You're a fine one to lecture me on trouble. I wanna be left alone.”

“So you can sulk. You're good at that. You could earn money doing it. Sometimes you can be a real baby.”

“Fuck off and leave me alone.”

I stood up and walked away, but he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.

I lashed out. It was an instinctive response, without thought. I only meant to push him away but my hand caught him, connecting hard with his collarbone in the exact spot where it was fractured. He yelled out in pain and bent over double holding his shoulder.

“Shit, Alex. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I opened the door and called out for Sue, but she was already at the bottom of the stairs pushing past me to get to him.

“What happened?” asked Daniel.

“It was an accident; I didn’t mean to hurt him. I forgot about his injuries.” Alex was in a lot of pain and it scared me. “Is he going to be alright?”

Sue glared at me as she tended to my friend. “What did you do to him?”

“I told you it was an accident! I was trying to push him away and I caught him by mistake.”

“Just stay in your room,” she said. “I’ve seen enough of you for one day.” As she led Alex upstairs, I could hear him telling her it wasn’t my fault but it made little difference.

‘Is there anything else that can go wrong today’?

I punched the wall in frustration.

“I hate my life!” I wanted to damage something and inevitably it turned out to be me, as I kicked the door shut and hurt my toe. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

When I pulled off my sock it was red and sore but not bleeding. It was a relief. It didn’t look as if Sue was going to offer me any medical assistance.

‘I probably would’ve bled to death’.

“What’s wrong with you?” My sister was standing in the doorway shaking her head.

“Don’t you ever knock?”

“What did you do to Alex?”

“Nothing, I didn’t do anything to him. It was an accident.”

She walked into the room and sat on the bed next to me.

“What’s wrong with your foot?”

“I kicked the door.”

She laughed and then apologised. “Alex is gonna beat you up when he’s better.”

“No, he won't.”

“I think he will. Oh, and mom says you're grounded for a week.” It was no more than I expected. Another week locked indoors without seeing Nathan. Another week of celibacy. All because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I was frustrated and feeling sorry for myself.

“You should call him and let him know you can’t make it,” she said, but I didn’t want to have to tell him I had messed up again.

“My phone’s upstairs. He’ll be ringing me soon anyway. Wondering what’s taking me so long.”

The door was open but unlike Nicola, Stephanie still had the etiquette to knock before asking permission to enter. Not that it mattered, my sister invited her in before I could even open my mouth. She just didn’t get it sometimes but I was past caring to argue over privacy.

“Wow, is this your bedroom?”

“He shares with Daniel,” Said Nicola.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, my mom’s just grounded him for a week.”

“Do you mind if I answer for myself,” I said moving across the bed to put some air between us. “And stop touching me.”

Stephanie thought it was funny. “My brother hates it when I get too close to him.” She smiled at me and pushed her hair back behind her ears. It was almost the same colour as mine but long and not as unruly. “Do you mind if I sit down?”

“Of course not,” said Nicola.

“No.” I said at the same time before staring at my sister. Stephanie hovered over my chair unsure of what she should do. “I mean no, I don’t mind.”

Like Nicola, she was dressed for bed wearing pyjamas covered by a full-length dressing gown. It made her look much younger and nothing like the girl she was in school.

“You're always so well behaved in school.”

‘I am’?

Nicola scoffed. “No, he isn’t.” I had given up trying to answer for myself.

The ringtone on my phone was getting louder as Daniel ran downstairs with it. I knew who it was and told him to answer before Nicola did.

While Daniel stood in the doorway chatting to his friend, I had time to work out what I was going to say. It was almost ten o’clock. I would have been at his house by now. I stood up and walked outside as Daniel handed me the phone

“Where are you?”

“Stuck indoors. I’ve been grounded.”

“Why?”

“I hit Alex by mistake.” I was expecting him to be annoyed at me for spoiling his plans but he surprised me by laughing.

“Good. Somebody needed to.”

“No. I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident.”

“So why are you grounded then, if it was an accident?”

He had a point. This was the where my story fell apart. “Because I had an argument with Sue and swore at her.”

“Why?” He sounded disappointed and I couldn’t blame him.

“I dunno, I just lost my temper. I was fed up with her interfering all the time. She called your mom to check up on me.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well there’s not much you can do now. I had plans for us but it doesn’t matter.”

I didn’t know what else to say and neither did he, I suppose. I paced the basement like a caged animal and apologised again but it meant little and I could sense his frustration as he told me he would call me on Sunday and ended the call.

Nathan was growing tired of my antics. I could hear it in his voice. I got the feeling I was weighing him down and he wasn’t the type to be held back.

He was moving so much quicker than me. His life was going forward at breakneck speed while I just seemed to be treading water. Still stuck in futile domestic battles, which I could never win and still looking for sympathy as a way around my often self-inflicted problems.

I think that was the moment I realised I would lose him. It was just a matter of time.

*     *     *

I didn’t speak to anyone again until the following afternoon and everyone kept their distance. I stayed in my room on the internet, sulking and watching videos. After refusing breakfast and lunch, Sue brought a tray of food down for me and left it on my bed.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt Alex yesterday,” she said. “That’s not why I’m punishing you.” I ignored her completely, keeping my eyes fixed on the screen until she huffed and walked away. “You don’t have to stay in your room, dear. You know that?” She left the door open when she went upstairs but she would have heard me slam it shut before she reached the top.

When I looked at the tray, it was loaded with everything I liked. Pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, beans, toast, and a carton of chocolate milk. A peace offering perhaps, but as far as I was concerned the damage had already be done.

Nathan didn’t call me on Sunday like he said he would and on Monday and Tuesday, he wasn’t at school. I wasn’t sure anymore if he was still my boyfriend but on Wednesday, I saw him at lunch and he acted relatively normal. Our conversation though was limited to school events and devoid of the spark which was always so prominent whenever we talked. Ginny noticed it and so did Rory.

When I got home, Sue cancelled my punishment.

“It was probably a little excessive,” she said. “But I won’t stand for my kids swearing at me. You can invite Nathan over at the weekend if you want or stay over at his house. I told Nicola and Daniel that you have the first choice and I don’t need to call his parents, I trust you.”

I don’t know where this sudden change of tactics came from but her amnesty meant little to me with nowhere to go, so I stayed in my room until the weekend. My mood affected everyone although I wasn’t really aware of it until Amy presented me with a handmade paper card on Saturday morning.

“I made it in school for you.”

“It’s not my birthday,” I said.

“I know, silly. It’s a get better quickly card.”

“A get well soon card,” I said.

“Yes. Is it working yet?”

“Must be, because I feel a lot better.”

“Yippee!” This was all Amy needed to be happy but I seemed to require a lot more and I still had to force a smile. I wished it was that easy

*     *     *

On Saturday, he called me and asked me if I would meet him in town at Timmy’s.

I was late but at least he looked pleased to see me. He had bought my favourite doughnut which he presented with a familiar smile. Then he reached across the table to place his sticky, chocolate covered fingers on top of my hand. I shuddered at our first physical contact in over a week.

“How did your audition go?”

“Not so good.” I was surprised. Maybe he was human after all.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t anything to do with you. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I was nervous and messed up, but who knows. I haven’t heard anything yet.”

“Well, fingers crossed.”

“Do you still wanna be with me, Robbie?” It was direct and unexpected. I was surprised I still had a choice.

“Of course I do. I just wasn’t sure—you’ve been acting like you don’t want me around anymore. I thought that you. I dunno what I thought.”

“I wouldn’t just end it without telling you, silly.”

“I don’t know how it works.”

“Well, I wouldn’t, okay?” I nodded but as I bit into the doughnut a dollop of apple squeezed out the side and landed in my lap. Nathan thought it was funny.

“They’re clean on this morning,” I said as I picked it off with my hand.

He rolled his eyes at me and licked the corner of a napkin. “Let me,” he said and he reached around the side of the table to wipe the rest of it off my jeans. “You always make such a mess. What’s wrong?”

I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “Nothing. It’s just that people are watching us.”

“They’re just jealous.”

“Of me, or you?”

“Of me, of course.” I had to work that out but when I did, I smiled. “Don’t get any ideas though,” he said as he pushed his finger against my rapidly rising todger. “I’m not going to give you a hand job in the middle of Tim Hortons.”

I was just pleased it hadn’t been removed from the menu altogether.

“Where can we go then?”

“I know it’s been nearly a month hasn’t it?”

I was shocked. A month sounded a long time but he was right, it was four weeks to the day since my birthday.

“I’m getting fed up of doing it myself,” I said as he held the door open for me. He stared at me before turning into the sharp wind. “What’s wrong?”

“Why is Alex still at your house? Is he moving in permanently?”

I might have known Alex would come into the conversation. Nathan resented him being there, which was the reason why I hardly ever mentioned him when I was in his company.

“It’s not forever, just until they find them a foster home.”

“Don’t hold your breath. That won’t be easy.”

It was a fair assumption to make. Alex was a sixteen-year-old, with a troubled history. A potential problem for any family, while Luke, at times was simply uncontrollable. I knew it would be difficult to place them but I had no idea what the plan was.

“Why don’t you like him?”

“Why do you think, Robbie? Don’t be stupid. He’s a bully, I told you that. I don’t know why you’re even bothering to be friends with him after what he did.”

“What did he do?”

“Err, he almost got you arrested, remember?”

“That wasn’t his fault, they were looking for his brother. Alex helped me out. I can’t ignore him now that he needs some help himself.”

“He needs help alright.”

We were heading towards the waterfront when I turned on him. I had something to ask him that could no longer wait.

“You know about him, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know he’s a bully and a druggie.”

“That’s not what I meant. You know something else about him. Something no one else does.” He didn’t answer for a good half-a-minute as we crossed the road and entered the park. It was a guilty silence and I started to get nervous.

‘Is this what Tom wanted to warn me about’?

“Are you talking about his interest in boys?” At last, we were getting somewhere.

“You know I am. But I wanna know how you found out.”

“Probably the same way you found out.” Now it was my turn to be silent. I was trying to work it out when he hit me for six. “Did he leave a note in your locker?” Nathan’s words shocked me, sending chills up my spine. I stopped and sat down on one of the picnic tables. “I guess he did then.”

“He did that to you too?”

“Did you really think you were the only one?”

“Yes!”

“He probably made you promise not to tell anyone. That’s what he did to me. I actually felt sorry for the guy for a while, but not anymore.”

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I was angry, frustrated, and hurt. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying but no one could ever make that up.

“You should have told me. Why didn’t you say something to me?” I demanded. “When did it happen? I wanna know, even if was before you met me.”

“It was after we started dating.”

“WHAT? What are you saying?”

“It’s okay. Geez, calm down.”

“HOW CAN I CALM DOWN, AFTER YOU TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT?” I stood up and aimed a kick at the table. “Why the fuck didn’t you say something? Did he give you drugs?”

“Robbie, you're not making any sense. I’m gonna walk away if you don’t calm down. You're frightening me.”

“Okay, okay. I’m calm.” My hand was shaking though as I rubbed my head.

“Alex uses people. He made me promise not to tell anyone. He made me feel sorry for him. I very much doubt if we’re the only ones.”

I kept thinking back to my first night with him. The storm, our fight on the lawn outside his house. The blowjob. I was certain it was his first time with another boy.

“Did he? Did he hurt you?” The thought of Alex doing to Nathan, what he did to me, made me feel sick.

“No. Look, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. You’d be surprised how many times I’ve been propositioned. Even in Cobourg. Alex has probably made a pass at every gay boy in school and they’re all too scared to tell anyone.”

‘A pass’?

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I rested my back against a signpost and slid down until I was sitting on the grass. “So he made a pass at you.”

“Yes, I didn’t think it was worth telling you. I know how funny you get about these things.” I laughed. I think it was more out of relief than anything else.

“I wouldn’t have minded,” I said calmly.

“Robbie, you were just screaming at me, how can you say that. Your bi-polar, I swear you are.”

“No, I’m just an idiot and I’m sorry for shouting at you. I love you.”

“You have a strange way of showing it.” He sounded cold and distant and it was all my fault. I really was a total fool. A fool for thinking badly of Nathan and jumping to conclusions. Assuming he was as bad as me. I had all but accused him of cheating on me. When all he did was cover up for him after Alex tried his luck. I had lost count of the number of times he had tried it on with me.

“What did he say to you, what was this note?”

“That was just a silly game. Did he try that with you? I didn’t fall for it. He wanted me to go to his house and do stuff with him.”

I laughed, it was uncanny. Alex was a bastard, without a doubt, but he hadn’t been screwing my boyfriend. He just tried to.

“It’s not funny, Robbie. You think you're the only boy he likes?”

“No, of course not.”

“Now you know why I don’t trust him. He knew I was seeing you when he hit on me but it didn’t stop him. I kinda suspected he had tried it on with you when I found out you were friends. When you told me you stayed at his house, I even thought maybe you had given in to him.”

I wanted the ground to swallow me up and bit down hard on my hand until it really hurt.

“I wouldn’t cheat on you, Nathan.” It was a true statement but misleading and I still felt sick for saying it.

“You thought we were fooling around, didn’t you? That’s why you were shouting. I don’t get it. Why would you even think that?”

“I’m sorry, I was confused.”

“Alex is definitely not my type. He’s not the only one who’s tried it on with me and he won't be the last. The world’s full of creeps like him. You’ll find out soon enough, now you're out. The important thing is you turned him down. That’s the only thing that matters to me.” He offered me his hand to help me up and then put his arms around me. “You did turn him down, didn’t you?”

“What?”

“I said, you did turn him down, didn’t you?”

“Yes—of course.” My throat was dry and those words came out hoarse and almost inaudible. It pained me to say them. They actually hurt.