18 Weeks of Twoey - 46. Week Seven Thursday, October 16, 2014: Dr. Keating

Devoted strength is watching over me.

From the minute I got up all I thought about was the appointment. After our run, I told Gary, “I won't be walking home with you after practice because I have a doctor's appointment.”

He grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “Another one? David, are you sick or something? Is this why you've lost all the weight and fainted and everything?”

Okay, how did he find out I fainted? Yeah, gossip town. I shoulda told him. First, we never have secrets and now he thinks I keep secrets from him. Second, now I can't possibly lie to him about the doctor. If (when) he finds out I'll have lost my best friend. So I told him, sorta.

“It's about the anger issues from when I was suspended. I'm getting counseling. Please don't tell anyone.”

He studied me for a while. “The shrink? You got in to see him? How did you get that past your mother?”

“My father made the appointment for me.”

“Wow, impressive. Howd'ya manage?”

“You don't want to know.” I wasn't going to tell Gary what I threatened.

He simply nodded and said he wouldn't tell anybody.

I couldn't figure out what to wear, so I thought Dammit, I'll go with a maroon button up shirt and black jeans with matching Vans. Jeez I'm 15, I can dress like I am, right?

On our walk to school, Sam dropped some news. Moving vans were there yesterday and the McCane house now stands empty. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me. I knew she couldn’t live there for even a minute, knowing what Carl told me. For the show, I pretended to be as surprised as everyone else. Gary wondered if it was sold, or if she simply moved out.

Before math, Kathy said I looked nice, before we had our little PDA outside the room. Inside, Terri said so too. Another surprise math quiz today with everybody groaning. I decided to groan too, but it was so simple. I was done in about three minutes, but I pretended to be pondering for the full 15. While I was pseudo-pondering, the little kid behind me was scraping his shoe up and down against the book rack under my seat again. I’m telling you, one of these days I’m gonna break his nose!

Matty was different at lunch today. He talked with me. I know, we talk every day, but today it was somehow different. He wasn’t all over me or touchy-feely at all. He turned his chair a bit toward me and actually, seriously, held a conversation while he ate three sandwiches. I never noticed how much Matty ate before because I never concentrated much on him or what he said. You know, he’s usually all over the place. As though he’s reaching for any old topic, as an excuse to talk. At first I was self-conscious to be there next to him, after my fantasy.

He must have quite the metabolism to eat so much and stay as fit as he is. But back to today’s conversation. He was so engrossed with me that the fantasy didn’t even cause me as much trouble as I anticipated. It was about a book he’s reading for English, Catcher in the Rye. We haven’t been assigned it yet, but I know it’s coming in about three weeks. Anyway, he was all serious and trying to explain it to me, or at least as much as he’s read. I was so involved with him, I actually finished my lunch. It was as though we were the only two at the table. He surprises me more each day, beyond the embarrassing fantasy.

In the weight room, Biggy decided to be a drill sergeant today ...hehe. He pushed me to start meeting Coach Basuba's goals. I was really sweating! In fact, I didn’t want to put my street cloths back on without a shower cuz I didn’t want them stinky for my appointment. I decided to stay in shorts again, walking through the halls to the gym. This time there were more than a few disapproving looks from teachers along the way. It’s a good thing I didn’t need to pass Burch’s room ...hehe.

In gym we ran and vaulted off a little spring board thingy over something called a horse which didn't look anything like a horse. But it was fun. I thought, ‘Maybe gymnastics is more fun than I figured. Maybe it's why Danny likes it so . . .’

Shit.

I started to fill up and fought off the tears for the rest of PhysEd. Later, Matty was surprised to see me in the locker room getting ready for a shower. I explained I had a doctor’s appointment. He chatted with me all through changing, through the shower and dressing into street clothes afterward.

I got a little embarrassed again, thinking about my J-O fantasy last night. I sometimes had to avoid his eyes. But all in all, it was nice. I think he’s the only friend who pays any attention to me anymore. Maybe I should walk to school with him instead.

I half jogged downtown to Dr. Keating's office. I got there at 3 and waited in his office for 15 minutes while I tried to center my emotions and work out what I wanted to tell him. Finally, I was shown in and he came over to shake my hand, telling me to sit wherever I was comfortable. Well I sure as fuck wasn't gonna lie on his couch! So I sat in a big leather chair and he sat in a similar chair sort of off to my side.

He asked why I was there. I told him Dr. Snowbridge recommended him. He asked why I didn't go to Dr. Snowbridge instead, especially since she was now school psychologist. I told him I was good friends with her son. He just nodded.

“Well that's why you came to see me, but why do you need to talk to a therapist at all?”

The guy gets right down to it ...ha! I told him I got in a fight at school and that I've been sort of down lately and also had a few times I lost my temper.

“Well that sounds like a few things, perhaps. Let's start with the fight. Do you often fight? And tell me all about this one.”

I told him I'm usually in control of my emotions and then I told him all about the fight.

“This boy you thought you were defending, is he a close friend?”

I explained who Twoey was and that he was Ginny's son. He just nodded. “Have you ever done anything similar before?”

“The only time was a couple years ago when someone was bullying my friend Sam.”

“So you're a friend protector?”

I just blushed, chuckled and said, “It sorta sounds that way, doesn't it?”

Then he looked at me carefully and said, “Fighting isn't the real reason your here, is it?”

I just shook my head and quietly said, “No.”

It's when the gates opened up. I went on and on, telling him all my fears and confusion about loving Twoey but not being gay. When it was all out in plain sight, and not hiding in my head anymore, you know ...I felt better. I didn't have any answers ...but I felt better.

He told me my time was up but commended me for being so forthcoming, and especially on the first visit. He said we should meet again next Wednesday. I asked if the appointment could be in the morning because there was only one more week of XCountry and the coach was gonna kick me off the team if I missed another practice. So next Wednesday I get to miss English, biology and maybe math.

I walked home with a little hope for the first time in a few weeks. I know he's gonna help me solve this puzzle. I’m impressed with how fast he zeroed in on it!

Shortly after arriving home, I received a call from Grampa. He wanted to know how my session went. I was a little surprised how much he knew about the appointment. It wasn’t until I was describing my session I realized what had happened Tuesday. Grampa called his son and told him to make the appointment! When I finished my description, I thanked him for making it happen.

He chuckled and said, “Never forget how much I love you. If you ever need anything, I’m only a phone call away.” I think Grampa did as much for me with his simple statement as Dr. Keating did drawing out my fears. Wow ...I feel doubly uplifted.

I contemplated what my adults had done. Ginny thought of Dr. Keating, who she knew was gonna be good for me and who I was gonna like. Grampa somehow forced his son to make the appointment. But his son, my father, actually did. It means my father was the final, but needed, link in the connection. All my adults were worried about me and actually helped me. It makes me feel a little more secure tonight than I was last night. My A-team, my Adults-Team is supporting me.

Afterward, I did my homework, took my evening run, showered and headed for Twoey's house. When I walked in I hugged Ginny tightly and said, “Thank You! Dr. Keating is a great guy and I know he's gonna help me with my problems. In fact, I feel better already and all I did was dump all my worries on his floor!”

She chuckled and said, “I'm so glad to see you in a happy mood. You know, I love it when you smile. Do it more often!”

I laughed and said, “It doesn't matter, I'm mousy looking no matter what I do.”

“OK Mr. Mouse, I'm going to give you a test on your cooking skills.”

“Aw Ginny, you're seriously killing my good mood.”

She laughed and said she had confidence in me.

“Okay, what am I making?”

She asked if I remembered the first meal from Sunday. I said you mean the chicken and pasta? She nodded. I told her I loved it and I'm sure I could try it.

So she sat there. Finally, getting uncomfortable, I asked where was the recipe?

Ginny laughed at me and said, “No no no honey, cooking isn’t about recipes, it's all about technique. You can always modify the ingredients, put in what you think will work, omit something you don't have at hand, but the basic meal will be the same. Always a little different, but the same. That's what real cooking is all about.”

Oh Wow, I began to see things a little differently. She asked what the basic elements of the meal were. I thought about it a little and told her we boiled water for pasta, sautéed some chicken strips and mushrooms in butter, added stock and peas and then put in the cooked pasta and let it simmer.

Ginny had a broad smile on her face and said I was a natural. After a short lesson on chicken ‘hygiene’ she sat down at the kitchen table and said for me to begin. Well, I knew enough to put the water up first. I sliced the mushrooms and put them on a small plate while I started up the fire under the fry pan. When it was hot, I added a couple chunks of butter. I put two breasts on a special plastic cutting board that had a picture of a chicken on it! I sliced them into strips, sprinkled on some flour and added them to the now hot butter and washed the board and my hands with lots of hot soapy water, leaving the board in the sink. By then the chicken was browned on one side. I flipped them with the spatula and after a few minutes, added the mushrooms and stirred everything around. By then the water was boiling. When I went to the cupboard, I had my first surprise. No penne! I looked through the various boxes and found something called rotini which were just little spirals. I tossed some of those into the boiling water. Ginny had a box of vegetable stock open in the fridge so I used it instead of the chicken stock she used Sunday.

While it was all bubbling nicely, I was stirring the pasta. The pasta timer was about to ring when I got my second surprise. There were no peas in the freezer. But there were some cut green beans, so I tossed a couple handfuls into the bubbling sauce as the pasta timer went off. I drained the spirals and added them to the pan, lowering the heat to simmer and put the lid on.

When I turned around, I saw Ginny had set the table. I had been so involved, I never even noticed!!! She poured herself a glass of a white wine called Gavi and me a glass of milk. As I went to get the pan, she said that I was amazing, it was her very word!!

Then she said, “I'll give you a little secret that will enhance this. Turn off the burner, then add just a very little heavy cream to the sauce and stir it around. After it’s mixed in, add a chunk of butter and stir it in too.”

When everything was melted, she let me fill the plates. I sprinkled grated cheese on my meal and ate the whole thing, including two big pieces of crusty bread made in heaven, I think. Boy this was delicious, especially with Ginny's secret additions. And I know I can do it all by myself!

I felt sooo proud! Wait until I feed Twoey when he gets home. I was smiling and chattering and it was like a whole new me. Ginny brought me up to date on Twoey, telling me how fast he was healing and looking so much better. His hall walking is making him stronger too. Such good news.

Today was a good day for David.

I reminded Ginny that I wouldn't see her tomorrow because of the race or Saturday because I had a date. She promised to pick me up Sunday if I wanted to go to the hospital.

What? Is she crazy? Of course I want to go!!!

Tonight talking to Kathy I told her all about my making an entire meal. I think she was less than impressed.

Really?

Twoey

I guess Mom got the hint yesterday because she talked to me about David as soon as she got here. He sees the shrink today. She probably won't tell me anything tomorrow. I understand the ‘professionalism’ and all. But at least she can tell me if he likes the dude. I still can't believe he got his father to make that appointment, and so fast!

She broke the mood a little by reminding me David was in a fragile state and for me not to jump to any conclusions about our relationship . I had to promise to let David make all the moves. She was looking at me very sternly and so naturally I agreed, absorbing the seriousness of her warning.

‘Warning’

That word suddenly meant something to me, but I couldn't remember what. I knew that David had given me a warning! But about what? There's like a puzzle piece missing in my brain.

After lunch, I was walking with Mom in the hall when somebody must have dropped a tray or something because there was a sudden BANG, which echoed down the hall.

I had a vision of a flash and thought, ‘It should have made a noise!’ Well that was weird. Another fleeting vision. If I get any more of these I should probably tell the doctor. But if I tell him, will I have to stay in here longer?

I'd better think this through.